


Syzygy

by SpiritQuartz



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Polyamory, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2018-04-11 18:31:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 58
Words: 218,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4447118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritQuartz/pseuds/SpiritQuartz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you stand in a shadow you cast yourself? Was there finally an obstacle they couldn't overcome together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Something in the Air

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I don't own Haven, Emily, Lucas and Eric do. Nor do I own Serenity. No copyright infringement intended Song for this chapter is Something in the Air by David Bowie. I don't own him, either... yet.

In the 2 months since the detonation of Duke's trouble-bomb, all their time had been spent trying to find, catalogue and help the newly troubled. Audrey had spent as much time trying to nurse Duke as possible, but there just weren't enough hours in the day.

He was healthy physically, but no matter how she talked to him, the guilt was eating him alive. Sometimes he looked at her and the pain in his eyes was so overwhelming she couldn't even speak. There was a secret there, something Audrey didn't know but she was sure it was about Mara.

Everything was.

Mara would be tickled pink to know they hadn't been able to forget her.

Audrey had been out of her body so long- first being crushed and trapped under Mara's consciousness, then in a deteriorating husk while she'd been separated from Mara, that she barely remembered the way it felt before- before William.

She didn't like the taste of her old favorites. Coffee made her nauseous. She wasn't sleeping soundly when she did sleep, and her dreams were strange things that she no longer understood. Songs she used to hate were suddenly making her toes tap, while some beloved standards were impossible for her to listen to. The frustration was making her irritable.

Nathan and Charlotte tried getting her into therapy, which she had flatly refused. She was the victor here, not the victim.

She just didn't always feel like it.

She dropped her head down on her desk, a muted "thump" reverberating through the stack of files she was looking through. Nathan shot her a quizzical glance.

"Okay, partner?" he asked quietly. He was trying not to smother her; no matter what incarnation, the woman he loved treasured her independence. He loved it about her, but he wanted to take care of her to soothe himself, to verify that she really was present, whole and herself. He couldn't explain it to her because he barely understood it himself. He'd simply lost her too many times already.

She managed a smile. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just really tired. I talked to the Mullin family- it looks like Scott has finally managed to get a handle on his Trouble." The 10 year old boy had been bringing his action figures to life all week. As humorous as it was to watch the tiny Incredible Hulk duking it out with G.I. Joe and a dozen cowboys, they knew it would become a serious problem if he didn't fix it now. Batman and the Flash had already teamed up to cut a chunk out of his sister Amy's hair.

She wondered idly why Mara had chosen the Troubles she had. Some were obviously devastating- the woman who destroyed everything she touched like some twisted version of Jordan's Trouble on steroids; the previously blind man that could now see, but every person he stared at suffered severe hypothermia within minutes. Others seemed innocuous, like a girl who could make flowers bloom by blowing on them.

They'd had reports on everything from rabid seagulls to Bigfoot. (Though that may have been a prank call by Duke at Dwight's expense.) Many were just the product of panicked citizens, but they didn't have the luxury of ignoring the crazy calls- it was Haven. Anything could happen.

"I'm just finishing some paperwork, why don't you go home and take a nap? I think you deserve it."

"No, Nathan. We've been this busy because of ME. I have to fix what I can." she argued, stubborn unto death.

" Not you, Audrey. Mara. SHE caused these troubles."

"It's the same thing!" she shouted furiously, but immediately dropped to a whisper as she continued.

"Charlotte made it clear, I was a part of Mara. I WAS Mara! I knew what she was doing and I. Couldn't. Stop. Her." She was panting, out of breath from her hissed tirade. She hated thinking about all the damage that they had to deal with, it always made her stomach hurt.

He was nonplussed. "Part of Mara. The good part. The part I know. The part your mother saved."

"She's not my mother, Nathan. I was hatched. Created as a punishment." She swallowed hard and clenched her fists, determined not to vomit.

"Does it need to be an official order, Parker? I'm pretty sure I could make that happen. You're probably over the limit on sick and annual leave." Nathan said calmly, leaning his chair back. He knew when she wasn't going to be reasonable.

She grabbed her coat, glaring as she collected her keys. "Fine. I'm sure I'll just get called in two hours from now because someone turned into a mutant goat, but you enjoy your paperwork 'til then." She left the office, slamming the door, and Nathan sighed.

* * *

 

Audrey really was tired, but she refused to nap, getting a little childish satisfaction.

She decided to clean her apartment. She hadn't had the time or energy to reset her personal space. Honestly, she didn't have the inclination either, but the idea of sleeping on command was worse.

She had the trash out, the disturbingly bare kitchen scrubbed and she was working on the bathroom cabinets when she realized that she hadn't had her period since... well, she hadn't. Mara had been driving her body up until the last two months. Audrey had been taking the pill, though Mara probably hadn't. But who would sleep with Public Enemy Number One?

She recalled the look she'd seen in Duke's eyes. Pain, grief, guilt, betrayal... She had assumed that look was directed at her. God knows she had hurt enough people while Mara was in control.

What if it wasn't?

* * *

 

The sun had disappeared with her mood, it seemed, and it was pouring by the time she'd been to the store and back. She was wringing water from her hair as she headed for her bathroom. She was a woman on a mission. She'd prove Duke hadn't... that no one had done anything to her, and yes, she'd feel silly and a little more guilty than she already was, but it would be okay. It would always be okay.

Then that plus sign showed up, gleaming up at her through the plastic window. Mocking her. _Gotcha again, Audrey._

She didn't know how long she stood on her balcony as the rain fell on her, as if the sky itself was grieving for her.

What were the chances this was Nathan's baby? She let out a watery gasp of a laugh as she asked herself.

Slim and none. Slim just left town.

She'd made love with Nathan since she'd gotten the body back, of course she had. But not for weeks after the joining. He'd been afraid to break her. All those weeks without sex had also passed without a period. Not Nathan's.

Eventually she turned toward the stairs.

When Duke looked up from drying a cocktail glass, he had to laugh. Audrey stood at the end of the bar, soaked as thoroughly as she had been the first time he saw her. "What, did you decide to take another swim, because I gotta say, by this point you can't really pull off the whole 'new in town' story." He made air quotes as he shelved the glass.

When she spoke, her voice sounded rough, as though she'd been in a fire, or coughing or (and he had a funny twinge in his gut that things were heading south) crying. "I have to ask you something, Duke. Not as a cop, just... I need you to promise to tell me the truth, no matter what."

She hesitated, and Duke could only nod. She looked small and frail suddenly, the way she was when she'd been... but that wasn't possible. He was there when they fused, he knew Audrey was whole. Healthy. Absolutely not dying. Categorically.

Right?

His stomach knotted as Audrey held the stick out. His heart did a weird double-thud, as if it stopped and restarted simultaneously. She was ok, she wasn't dying or disappearing. Oh thank god. He heaved a great breath, relieved.

"Congratulations! Does Nate know? Of course Nate knows. Jeez. So, uh, can I get you anything? On the house. If you're worried about the booze, don't be." He clapped his hands together, smiling as he leaned in to whisper conspiratorially, "it's all watered down."

Audrey stared at him as he fidgeted. There was his Tell. The Babbling only hit when he was especially anxious. He didn't need to say anything. She could read him like a trashy romance novel. He knew he was made.

"Fuck it, if we're going to chat, we may as well sit down." He groused as he kicked out a chair for her and another for himself, swinging his around so he could rest his chin on the chair he grabbed a tumbler of whiskey for himself, passing Audrey a bottle of water. "What's going on?"

She sat silent for a moment, trying to look impassive. She toyed with the water cap as she spoke quietly. The bar was empty, quiet in the post-lunch, pre-dinner rush.

"I had these dreams after Charlotte whammied me. When I got the body. Whatever you want to call it." She looked at his whiskey enviously and drank from her water. Karma was really being a bitch lately. "They were me, but not me. You know, like watching a movie of yourself.

"There were several dreams. Weird stuff about toes and cards. Fire and steam. This one particular dream, I was naked, in your lap." She finally looked at him directly, flipping her hair a little as if the bravado would hide her pain.

He took a long drink from his glass, feeling the last vestiges of pride floating off of him like aether. He stayed silent. He tried not to feel like a coward, but his life had taught him one lesson: If you speak unprompted, you'll screw yourself. She hadn't asked him a question, and he wasn't about to offer anything he didn't have to.

He'd wondered idly if Audrey had all ten toes, or if she took the body as it was. Maybe he'd get his answer.

Careful what you wish for.

"I remember pressing my hands against you. I remember the feel of your skin and the aether." She shuddered with cold or disgust, but Duke was afraid to move and offer a towel or blanket. Afraid she'd stop talking, afraid she'd continue. Afraid of everything. He looked down.

"I could feel you." Now her eyes were gazing at him intently, accusing and questioning in measures. His stomach rolled, and he wasn't sure if he needed more booze or less.

"I'm sorry, Audrey! She knew how to manipulate me and she knew I wanted you. I got played and rained a plague on the entire city! Yes, I slept with her. She whammied me pretty good in return, I think." He gestured grandly, hands fluttering everywhere.

"Am I her?" The plea was barely a whisper.

"Of course not! What do you mean? You're absolutely _not_ like her. Why would you even ask that?" He stuttered in his shock.

Audrey rubbed her temple. He was a moron. A complete moron.

"I _ask_ because you just _said_. She knew you and I had been... connected. Was she the placeholder, or was I?"

Her eyes were red-rimmed, her cheeks pale. Oh, he knew her tells too. But how to answer while saving as much pride as possible?

He did what he could. Honesty she requested, honesty she gets. "Neither. Both. You chose Nathan and I respect that. I was lonely and depressed. I saw her every day. She made me think you were my enemies. She helped me forget, for awhile." He shrugged, lost for words.

"She was convenient, or she was _me_ , Duke?" Audrey snapped, eyes cold.

He dropped his forhead against the chair back.

"I don't know, Audrey. She seemed so much like you, for a bit. Like she cared about me, like we were kindred spirits or something. I was weak. She could never really take your place, but at least it didn't hurt so damn bad." The honesty was brutal, and it exhausted them both.

"We've got plenty of pain to go around now. I'm pregnant with _your_ baby. Nathan doesn't know... yet, because I'm not lying to him. All the crap we've gone through stems from people keeping too many secrets. If I have to tell him myself, fine, but I think you should be there." She declared it so emphatically that Duke wondered if she'd lost her mind.

"Oh, so he doesn't drive 10 miles to beat my ass?"

"No. Because you're this child's father. You two need to quit the pigtail-pulling right now, because guess what? It's not about you, or him, or me- not anymore. There's someone else involved who's completely innocent, unlike the three of us." She looked weary, wet and bedraggled from too little sleep. "Nathan will be here in an hour, and I have to explain all of this-" she gestured between them - " to him."

"Do we have to?"

"Yes." Uh-oh. She had her stern face on.

"You gonna let him hurt me?" he asked, only half joking.

"No. No one is getting hurt again, no matter what." He wished he could believe her.


	2. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own them. I'd take better care of them.

When Nathan arrived, Audrey met him at the door. She looked beautiful, wearing a flowing sapphire dress he didn't even know she owned. She kissed his lips chastely but only moved back enough to let him get away from the rain.

"Something going on, Parker?" he asked cautiously. He'd expected a cool reception when he sent her home, but this had all kinds of alarms blaring in his head.

"Wuornos. Give me your gun. And the backup. Chop, chop!" she ordered, hands opened and waiting. As he handed her his pistol and the revolver he kept in his ankle holster he was one big, tall bad feeling. She took his sidearms and locked them carefully in her biometric safe as his eyes wandered over the living room, finally spotting Duke in the kitchen, flipping what looked like pancakes.

Audrey was in a dress. She had locked up his weapons. Arranged his favorite meal... and he was willing to bet it was related to the man cooking said meal.

This could be a disaster or a dream come true.

Probably the former.

"Duke." he nodded.

"Nathan." Duke nodded back as he handed him a beer.

He waited. Awkwardly. Admittedly, he did most things awkwardly. He was all long, sharp angles, and being unable to feel made him more ungainly. Really, his sharp mental focus was the only reason he wasn't knocking things over constantly.

"So, how've you been?"

Duke waved the spatula as he spoke. "Oh, better now that I'm not leaking Troubles from every orifice. What about you? How bad has work been?"

Nathan watched Audrey approach and he smirked. "Oh, the usual. Managed to wrangle the mutant goat all by myself." he drawled. Audrey gave him a withering stare and flicked his ear, earning a surprised complaint as she moved to finish setting the table. Three settings.

"Well, wash up and we can eat. I don't want mutant goat hair in the food." She teased gently. She cupped his jaw with one hand, a loving gesture.

He didn't know she was afraid he'd never let her touch him again.

* * *

 

Dinner was pleasant, though Nathan noted that Audrey hadn't eaten much. They had chatted amiably, everyone silently agreeing to leave the heavy issues for later.

Audrey stood and gathered the plates, looking more like she was facing the hangman's noose than a dishwasher. Concerned, both men moved to help her, but the glare she shot them had them heading for the living room instead. Duke took the armchair, leaving Nathan to sprawl on the sofa.

"So. Big storm, huh?" Duke was mortified as the words left his mouth, but he hadn't been following sports lately, and he wanted to keep things normal as long as possible.

"Yup. Supposed to last a few days."

"Huh. You heard about that beached whale 25 miles up?"

"They got it back to sea, just before I left the station."

"Oh. Good. That's very, very good. Earth First and all..."

Audrey rushed over as soon as she heard the Babbling. Damned Duke was going to blow this whole thing before she could blow it herself. She sat on the corner of the couch, pulling her legs up under her. Deliberately placing herself between the men.

Duke wondered how such an immense presence could look so very _small_.

Nathan just wondered what was wrong. He held his tongue, waiting for Audrey to speak.

She breathed deeply. "Nathan... you remember how when Charlotte whammied me, I was down a digit?"

Ah, so the whole body _had_  carried across. Duke felt guilty for giving Mara the idea.

"Of course. I made one 'Simpsons' reference and you wouldn't talk to me for three days. Why?"

She closed her eyes.

"What Charlotte called a 'joining' was really just my consciousness put back in control of my body- my original body. _Mara's_ body." Her mouth twisted in a grimace of disgust, feeling dirty.

"No matter what platitudes we offer, I'm her. I'm not better than her. I cause just as much damage." She shook her head, trying to banish the tears that threatened. "That's why, Nathan. Why I work so hard. I didn't want to believe it... but I have her memories. Well, access to them, if I concentrate and know what to search for."

Nathan was stunned. He'd been trying to convince her she wasn't Mara, and she'd been castigating herself because she had her memories. He couldn't order his thoughts, couldn't tell her he loved all the aspects of her character, because she would immediately fear that in losing Mara, she'd lost whatever made her special to him.

Audrey Parker was _insecure_.

"Parker. Audrey. I love you. Yes, you were Mara once. But Mara was _good_ once. You're not just her, Parker- you're her evolution. No connection to Mara will make me stop loving you. Me and Duke both. We love you for who you are today," he looked to the other man for support. "We love you. Don't blame you for what happened."

Audrey sobbed loudly, her emotional upheaval getting the better of her. God, how she wished that were true. "Don't say that just yet. She... it was her body, I guess, but she did things without my permission, and it hurts. But I have to tell you.

"I'm pregnant, Nathan. Apparently Mara wasn't as careful about birth control as I was." She looked him straight in the eyes. She wouldn't pull her punches. He deserved the truth. "Duke knocked Mara up."

Nathan went very still. He was enraged. He had been trying to save Audrey, to save all of Haven, and Duke had been balls deep in _Mara_. He leapt to his feet, his vision tinted red and his only focus on the "former" criminal before him. His fist flew out and he realized, as the _feel_ of skin and hair touched his otherwise numb skin, that Audrey had jumped between them.

And her eye was already beginning to bruise.

* * *

Both men were trying to play nurse to Audrey, but she was in a real fury.

"-and you tried to _hit_ him! This is why I took your sidearms, I _knew_ you'd lose your mind. I hoped you wouldn't, but I _knew_ you would! You can't solve all your problems with violence, Wuornos!" She continued her tirade as Duke cleaned and bandaged the cut next to her eye. Her whole eye- hell, the whole side of the her face- was swollen and bruising, and Nathan felt ill as he wordlessly handed her the ice pack he'd made.

"I would have been fine, Blondie. Nate hits like a girl." At her glare, he amended "An Amazon girl. One of the big ones. With police training. But I'm saying he's hit me before, I can take it. He wasn't armed, you took his guns. You shouldn't have risked yourself like that."

"Right, and have you two brawling like drunk teenagers through my living room? I'm sure that would have gone over well. The _point_ " -she glared at Nathan, gingerly holding the ice to her face- " is that there shouldn't have been violence at all. You preach about me not being responsible for what Mara did, but the second you find out Duke screwed her behind your back, you're all indignant and possessive. Make up your mind, Wuornos."

"I'm sorry I hit you. Sorry I tried to hit him. But... this is huge, Audrey." He sat, rubbing his eyes. "You were _dying_. I was desperate. I needed backup, Charlotte needed Mara to save you. But I couldn't find her. He wasn't answering my calls. He _hid_ her, Audrey, while I was fighting to _save_ you."

"Hold up, Nate. You're the one who left me on my own to keep that she-devil." He looked apologetically at Audrey as he went on. "I was alone with her almost 24/7 from the moment Audrey split from her. I didn't have 'backup'. I couldn't get you to stop and just _listen_  to me for five fucking minutes!"

"At least I answered the phone!" Nathan hurled the words like rocks. "I wasn't off screwing Audrey's doppelganger!"

Duke was leaning forward too now, finally angry enough that his own pain and guilt were fuelling his words. "Don't you dare pull that shit with me, Wuornos! You had Audrey with you. What did I have? And self-righteous has never been a good look on you. Don't pretend you wouldn't have ended up doing the same thing. You certainly did with Jordan."

"I should have pitched you through that Thinny myself."

"Yeah? What's stopping you?"

"I am." Audrey finally spoke. As Duke looked at her, he didn't see his regular, peacekeeping friend. He didn't see Mara, either.

This tiny, battered blonde looked more like a terrifying demi-god than Mara _ever_ had. She vibrated with barely repressed fury. Fists clenched, back straight, she stood glaring at them. She was utterly glorious in her wrath.

"Neither of you will lay a single finger on anyone until I say so. We clear? I'm not going to sit here and listen to you adolescent brats talk about who's screwing who." She spoke more quietly. "We're all pretty screwed right now."


	3. Little Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I still don't own them.
> 
> Song for this chapter is Little Conversations by Concrete Blonde.

They'd retreated to their corners under the baleful gaze of the one constant in Haven. She wouldn't let them say anything. If they were going to act like children, then she'd put them in time-out. It was almost ironic.

"I'm talking now, and if either of you even considers interrupting me, remember that I can get one of those guns in under ten seconds.

"We have to get on the same page here. We've all made mistakes, both before and after William and Mara. We could sit here all night and drag them out, but... they just don't matter now. Not really. We can't change the past."

"Nate can. Or could."

She cut Duke a scathing look and he clamped his jaw shut, pretending to lock it and throw away the key.

"I've been awake every night, haunted by these pictures and memories. Sarah. Lucy. Even Lexie. Others I don't know. But the ones that honestly scared me were the ones of you two... in places that I know I wasn't. When I was still inside her, I was aware of what was happening. I just couldn't do anything about it. These other memories are different. Hers." She shook her head, chewing the inside of her cheek.

"Don't be mad at Duke, Nathan. I... rather, she... was worse than you know. Duke didn't purposely do this. He would never purposely hurt either of us." She laid a hand in the rogue's hair, ruffling the silky waves. He relaxed under her touch.

"Duke, don't be mad at Nathan. You both did the best you could with what you had. You've been two sides of the same coin all your lives. _Don't let her keep winning_."

She was approaching her grand idea. She steeled her resolve, praying to a god she hardly believed in.

"I feel like the rope in a game of tug 'o war. Nathan wants me. Duke wants me."

"Vince wants you too, for the record." Duke was physically incapable of staying silent. She shook her head and ignored him, determined to plow through.

"This isn't about Vince. It's... about me. My feelings. And the future."

Nathan was anxious, certain that he was watching the death of his personal 'happy ever after'. He cleared his throat and quietly asked the million dollar question.

"What _are_ your feelings, Audrey? What do you want?"

He was serious. He wasn't keeping up at all.

She shook her head. "I want you two to love each other the way you love me."

Both men were stunned speechless, eyes darting back and forth, jaws gaping in identical expressions of astonishment. It would be funny, if the circumstances weren't so dire. She waited, silent and still, while her boys tried to catch up.

Duke, as usual, spoke first.

"What do you mean by that, exactly?"

She rolled her eyes, obvious even with one lid swollen shut. "I may not be the 'real' Agent Parker, but I have her training. Honestly. Are you telling me there's never been anything between you two?"

Nathan didn't move, but his face went red. Interesting. She'd been betting that Crocker would crack first.

"I don't know what you've heard, but whatever happened..." he glanced sideways at Duke, trying not to meet anyone's eyes- "that was a long time before I knew you. _Years_ before."

Audrey snorted.

"Nobody told me anything. Hell, secrets are this towns stock and trade. I'm glad you didn't just lie and deny it ever happened."

"I concur. The lady does not like being lied to." Duke saluted her with his beer, glad when her lips twist up. He looked at Nathan. "Is it really that bad? You'd rather keep tearing her in two- Sorry, Audrey- than be around me?" His tone was light, but she heard the trace of pain and his eyes were somber.

"I... no. I mean, no, it's not bad and I don't want to 'tear her in two'. Not when we just got her back in _one_ piece." He furrowed his brow. "But... I don't know how it would work. Not with my Trouble."

Ah, that was it. He was afraid. He'd been able to feel back then. She knelt down between her boys, one hand resting on Nathan's denim-clad knee as she reached out to clasp Duke's hand.

"We could learn. Together. We've solved bigger problems."

"She's right. We've definitely solved bigger problems." He set his beer down and grasped Nathan's hand, making sure Nathan could see the touch, even if he couldn't feel it.

Nathan gazed between Audrey at his feet and Duke's hand around his own and he sighed, twisting his fingers around Duke's.

"Is this what you both honestly want? Parker's pregnant with your kid. I don't want to be an albatross."

Duke shot Audrey a jagged grin. "Way I remember it, albatross was a ship's good luck, 'til some idiot killed it."

Audrey grinned back, even though it hurt her face. "So no more runnin'." She agreed. "I aim to misbehave."

"Shiny. Let's be bad guys." Nathan smirked at them. "What? I watch movies."

"You've got some kind of decoupage 'Serenity' box, I bet. All covered with pictures of Summer Glau. Admit it, Nate."

"A wise man once said, 'If you can't do something smart, do something right.' I'm not sure if it's smart, but... it feels right." He huffed out the residual adrenaline and moved his free hand to cover Audrey's.

As their hands completed the circuit, Nathan jerked visibly, his head whipping to look at his hand that was still wrapped up with Duke's. He flexed his fingers, running them across his oldest friend's hand. He looked stunned.

"I can feel you..." he murmured, then reached farther, pulling Duke closer while keeping his hand on Audrey. She watched in silent glee as Nathan kissed Duke, and as her eyes roamed their faces, she whispered almost silently, truly in awe, "No power in the 'verse can stop me."

A voice whispered in her head, sounding terrifyingly like Mara. ' _You can't have it all._ '


	4. Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope, still don't own them. Possible triggers for dubious consent. Song for this chapter is Abigail's Song (Silence is All You Know) by Katherine Jenkins

They had gone to bed together, packed tightly into Audrey's bed. She wore a cotton chemise, light enough not to be sweltering between her boys, who were both bare-chested. They maintained their connection through her, their hands joined together over her abdomen. They were too drained from the day's upheaval for any acrobatics, but they cuddled and kissed, and it was enough. Audrey was out by midnight, rain still pattering on the roof.

* * *

She woke to silent, inky blackness. There was a large, strong hand ghosting up her thigh. The soft scrape of blunt nails on her bare flesh.

She couldn't orient herself in the black. Sheets silky as water rubbed her arm and she felt weight all around her, the press of bodies surrounding her like a cocoon.

Warm and insistent as ocean currents, the hands explored her body. She shivered, unused to not knowing exactly who touched her. She could barely hear her own breath over her pounding heart.

There was no pain in this silent vacuum. Their bodies moved with a familiarity that was like coming home from a long separation. His arms slid around her as he rolled her over him, her legs circled him, strong yet supple, welcoming him in as his hands came to rest against her back, long fingers splayed against her. He held her like something precious, filling her like he wanted to become one being, and her heart flew like Aether dancing on the wind or the waves crashing around them.

Waves? No. That wasn't right. They were in her bed. She blinked.

Golden sunlight reflected on the azure waters lapping around them, momentarily blinding her. The breeze raised gooseflesh on her wet shoulders.

"Stay with me." William ordered against her lips.

"Always." She felt herself reply.

* * *

Audrey jerked awake with a choked cry, flinging herself blindly from the bed. She fell over Duke, scrambling for the bathroom as she was overcome with nausea.

She careened to a stop just in time, sobbing and retching with her boys quick behind her. They were shocked but intent on holding her hair and rubbing her back, Duke whispering meaningless platitudes while Nathan stayed silent, holding a damp cloth for her as she shook, trying to control her revulsion. It was just a dream, mixed with an old memory. She could handle it.

' _He'll come for me._ ' the Mara-voice hissed like razors through her brain.

Keening, she lunged for the bathtub, scattering bottles in her haste. She was still dressed as she climbed into the tub, wrenching the shower to the hottest setting and scrambling to remove the chemise, desperate to scrub the feeling of violation from her skin.

The sound of the water made her cry harder.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, the boys had gone from concerned to frantic, trying to talk her down as they rinsed the shampoo from her hair. Duke had climbed into the tub to hold her, Nathan kneeling on the floor next to them, her hand clasped between his. She clung to them until the tears ran out.

"I'm sorry", she croaked. "I'm done. I'm okay."

Nathan stood, pulling open a towel for her, and Duke unfolded to pull her up, switching the spray off.

They dressed in silence, back into pajamas, and moved together to the living room, Audrey curling on the sofa between them.

Nathan was out of his depth. He'd seen her face unimaginable horrors without flinching. He couldn't imagine what had affected her so deeply. He exchanged a loaded glance with Duke.

"Audrey? Can you talk to us?"

She looked terrible, the her face battered from taking that punch for Duke and swollen from the crying fit. She was still breathtaking.

"I... I don't know what's happening. I must have been dreaming. I thought..." she shifted to draw her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around herself. "I thought one of you, that we- fuck!" She snarled, frustrated.

"Ok, I get what you're saying, Audrey. Just start where you want. If Nate can't keep up, I'll let him borrow my notes."

"Shut up, Duke."

"Yes ma'am."

"The dream turned into a memory. One of hers. She was... with William."

"Oh, Parker, come here." Voice infinitely gentle, Nathan carefully unfolded her, wrapping her in his arms as Duke pulled her feet into his lap, thumbs massaging the reflexology points he remembered. He saw the jagged scar where her toe used to be and he silently cursed Mara in every language he knew.

"I don't think she's dead." Audrey blurted. Duke froze.

"It's normal to have unresolved feelings, Parker, but isn't the fact that the Trouble bomb exploded proof that she's dead? Charlotte said so."

She was getting tired of Nathan's faith in Charlotte's theories.

Duke was staring, looking for any hint of Mara in Audrey's face. He'd been the first to realize when Mara started waking, he knew her better than anyone. "Why do you think she's alive, Audrey?"

"I heard her. She doesn't speak like the others."

"What did she say? Word for word." Duke asked. Yeah, this was his wheelhouse. He'd know if this was some residual memory from his time with her.

"This time? When I was throwing up, after the nightmare, she said 'He'll come for me.' She meant William. She thinks he's going to pull her up again."

"What do you mean, 'this time'? Has it happened before?"

She nodded an affirmation. "A couple of times. Last night. Maybe a few others, sometimes it's hard telling her from my own subconscious- or maybe she _is_ my subconscious now."

Nathan shook his head. "Audrey, this could be post-traumatic stress. You've been through so much, and you're pregnant, that has to be affecting you."

"I swear, Nathan, if you try to blame hormones or try to send me to another shrink, I'm going to punch _you_."

Yes, this was good. Anger was better than fear. "I know what she feels like. The Teagues' found an open thinny. William knows his way through the Void. He's going to try to get back. They're connected, she thinks he can track her."

"But what about Duke? Why did he blow if she didn't die?"

She poked Duke in the stomach with her foot. "You were preparing to fly out, right? Did you file a flight plan? Does anyone know what time it was when you... popped? She said you'd blow at sunset. The timing was very close."

"Of course I didn't file a plan. I wasn't supposed to be flying."

"We need to talk to Charlotte. She's the one who said Mara was gone," Nathan said, "but it's 4 in the morning, and I think you should try to sleep. We'll go see her when she gets in."

"You're both going to sleep too? I don't really feel like being alone in there right now."

"Oh! I got this! Room service!" Duke hopped up and scooped Audrey into his arms, ignoring Nathan's grumbled complaint.

"Put me down!"

"Nope. Unless you want Nate to carry you, but I think he's knocked you around enough for one night."

"Was trying to hit _you_ , jackass."

"I said put me down, Duke! I'm perfectly capable of walking!"

"That might be true, but you _did_  get punched in the head. You could be concussed. Come on, Nate. Bring a bottle of water and some Tylenol."

He finally set her down on the bed, and she scooted to the center to make room.

"Duke?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you believe me?"

He sighed. "I will always believe in you and in what you tell me. Always. And I'll always protect you and Nate. Love conquers all, right?"

"You love me?"

"You know I do. Since the moment I fished you outta the sea."

"Everyone knows he does. It's the worst-kept secret in Haven." Nathan declared as he entered the room, handing the pills and bottle to Audrey.

"Right up there with you two being into each other." She teased back.

"You're not going to let that go, are you?"

"Probably not anytime soon, no. I was never sure if you guys wanted to make out with me or each other."

"Both." They responded at the same time, making her laugh.

"Bedtime. Come on, Nate, we don't bite." Duke patted the bed invitingly.

"She does." Nathan replied as he carefully laid out next to her.

She blushed furiously as Duke turned an inquisitive eye on her. She shrugged. "He doesn't feel pain. It's fun to watch his reactions."

"Yeah, I'm in love. Seriously, you're the perfect woman. You're smoking hot, you bite, you can field strip and reassemble a Beretta .9 in under 13 seconds, you kill people who try to kill me..." She stopped him with a kiss. She bit his bottom lip, not hard enough to puncture, but enough to make him growl. She turned to kiss Nathan sweetly, then pinched his side. He yelped, and Duke was in hysterics.

"For my birthday, can you make me a coupon book for free Nate whammies? This is the best thing ever."

Scowling, Nathan reached out and pinched Duke. "Go to sleep, Crocker."

"What did you guys call each other when you were together before?" She asked, curious.

"If you're asking if we had pet names, no. I called him Duke, he called me Nate, same as now. That's why it used to bother me so much." He confessed.

They lay together, and as Audrey settled between them, she directed a thought at Mara.

' _I'm done being a prisoner. You're my prisoner now._ '


	5. Proof of Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing.  
> Song for this chapter is Shadows by Lindsay Sterling

Nathan got called in just as they were leaving to see Charlotte.

"You want to wait for me?" He asked gently, stroking her cheek. She nuzzled his hand and shook her head.

"I want to get this over with. I'll take Duke with me. Call us if you need us, otherwise we'll meet up later. I love you."

"I love you. All three of you." He whispered. Duke reached out a pinky to touch Audrey's hand, then reached out and gave Nathan's face a pat; the responding gasp and jump had him laughing again.

"We'll be back soon, Nate. I'll take care of her."

"I can take care of myself."

"Not while you're protecting me."

* * *

Charlotte was working at a computer when they knocked, and when she looked up, she gave them a welcoming smile that quickly turned to a frown as she got a look at Audrey's face.

"Audrey! What happened to you? Let me see your eye- oh, Dove, what happened?"

"Please, don't call me that."

"I'm sorry, Audrey, it slipped. Old habit. Have you had an x-ray taken?"

"No, nothing's broken. Just bruised. But we're here to talk about something else."

"Okay. Sit down. How can I help?"

As they settled in, she stared into Charlotte's eyes. "Why do you think the joining killed Mara?"

Well, that certainly caught Charlotte off guard. "Because... because of Duke, I suppose. I was trying to fuse you back together, into a single body, with you in control. I expected Mara to mix back into you. When the aether erupted... I knew Mara hadn't made it."

"You're wrong. She's alive."

"What do you mean?"

"I can hear her. She thinks William is coming back for her."

The doctor looked stunned. "How long have you been hearing her, Audrey?"

"I'm not sure. I thought I was imagining it. But last night, definitely."

"Can you hear her now?"

"I'm trying not to. She's very angry with you."

"Wait, did you hear her before or after you got hurt?"

"Both. Worse after, but I don't think it's related. You should know though... She was pregnant. I'm pregnant."

Charlotte stared at each of them in turn. As she looked at Duke, she sighed.

"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. How is Nathan doing?"

"We're fine. We're not splitting up. We're all going to do this together." Audrey sounded calm and certain, in total counterpoint to her earlier meltdown. Duke was proud. He reached for her hand, and she clasped his with a strong squeeze. A signal that she was hiding her anxiety. He returned the pressure. They didn't need words to communicate.

"Good. I'm happy for you. Children are a blessing." She came around the desk, opening her arms to Audrey in a silent request. Partly to spite Mara, Audrey hugged Charlotte, letting herself be held.

It was a strange feeling. She'd always wished for a mother to love her, but everything about their meeting had been fraught with mistrust and strain. But if Audrey really was Mara now, then this was her mother. Her child's biological grandmother, present in her life after all this time.

She was surprised to feel tears on her shoulder, and realized Charlotte was crying. It was unsettling. Even Mara seemed stunned silent. Audrey felt certain Mara had never seen her mother cry.

The voice came through her lips unbidden.

"Momma, why are you crying? You never cry."

They all froze.

"Mara?" Charlotte asked, searching Audrey's face, not letting go.

"Momma. Why are you crying?"

"Because I'm happy. You're having a baby."

" _She's_ having _my_ baby! You did this! You said no more pain! _Liar_!" Her body began to shake, face turning red, and Duke saw Audrey in her eyes, struggling.

"Back in your hole!" Audrey ground out, and Duke pulled her into his arms, whispering in her ear.

"Audrey. Come on, honey. Look at me. You've got this. You're stronger than her."

He felt one more shudder, then Audrey was staring up at him, smiling her thanks.

"Yes, I've got this. Thank you." She kissed him softly.

Charlotte looked ill. She sat on her desk, not even trying to get back to her chair. "I'm sorry, Audrey. I didn't mean to make things harder."

"You didn't. She's always angry, this is the first time she's ever acted... human. But the baby. We've shared a body a long time, and we've given birth- Long story, and I wasn't Audrey then. But the baby, he was good, became a good man. Is this baby going to be okay too, or is Mara being awake going to have an effect? She can't-"

"Don't say it Audrey. Seriously, don't even think it. You don't want to share that idea. I'll ask when you're out of the room. Does Mara know Mandarin?"

"No, but neither do I. Just... Nod if it's possible. I'll be right back."

She left quickly.

Duke flopped down. "That was really her. I know Mara."

"Yes, that was her. I don't understand this."

"Can she take over the baby? Is the baby safe from Mara, or is it possible she could... posses it?"

Charlotte deliberated quietly. "No. Mara is residing in Audrey's... mind, or soul. She's part of her. She can't just download herself into the fetus. The baby will be the same as if she'd been conceived by you and Audrey, not you and Mara."

"Thank Buddha. That's a huge relief." He ran to the door, calling Audrey back in.

"Totally okay." He splayed his fingers across her abdomen, and she visibly relaxed.

"You're sure?" She asked Charlotte.

"I'm sure. No possibility."

"Could she take me over again?"

"I don't think so, not as things are now."

"But if William comes back?"

"I don't know how their connection works. They didn't have a traditional handfasting that I ever found out. Do you have those memories, Audrey?"

She shook her head. "Not yet. But I will."

"Wait, won't talking to Mara make her stronger? It did with Audrey."

"Leave it, Duke. I understand this part better than you two. It didn't matter how much I screamed at Mara, it didn't make me stronger. You and Nathan made me stronger. Mara has nothing she loves out here now. But we need to work on closing the Thinny and finding out if there are others."

"That's a wise precaution. Audrey, have you seen a doctor yet?"

"No, I only realized yesterday. Haven't had time."

"I could help, if you'd like."

"I'll think about it, Charlotte. We'll want Nathan there either way. Should I call you?"

"Or come by anytime. I always have time for you. I truly am so happy for you both, and Nathan. The more people around who love you, the better." She hugged Audrey again, pressed a jar of ointment and and small bottle of painkillers into her hand with a wink, and went back to her work as they left.


	6. Side of the Road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not mine. No infringement intended. Song for this chapter is Side of the Road by Concrete Blonde

They sat in the car together, taking the opportunity to talk privately so they knew what to tell Nathan.

"Duke, I have an idea. Nathan might think it's dangerous though, so I want you on my side beforehand."

"Right, because Nathan _always_ listens to me. I'll try though. Hit me."

"I want to talk to Mara. She can't run, she can't hit, and she can't get out. She has nothing to do but talk. We've never really gotten her side of the story. I can feel her hurt. Maybe she'll talk to me if I actually try. She offered, while we were split, but I was afraid to be near her."

He took her hand, twining their fingers. "Do you feel safe?"

"I do."

"Can we still be there? I mean, you can talk to her in your head. Can we at least stay for moral support?"

"Oh Duke, of course. I want you there. I... I love having you around. I'm starting to grasp the concept of this baby. I feel like you're next to me, but still- I don't know, inside me, a part of me. I like the idea of growing a baby Crocker."

"You mean that, Detective?" His tone was teasing, but he looked very serious.

"I mean it, Duke. I love you. I'm so happy we could find a way to make this work with Nathan, I feel like a kid on Christmas. What they should feel, at least." Her brow furrowed, sad memories of someone else's childhood playing behind her eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He stroked the lines from her forehead.

"I'm a little worried I'll be a bad mother. What reference do I have?"

He pulled her as close as he could in the confines of the cruiser. She wrapped her arms around him.

"Audrey, I know you'll be an awesome mom. Know how? I remember Lucy when I was a kid, she was so sweet and patient, and I was such a little shit. She saved me, like I've seen you save so many people. Plus if you can deal with me and Nate, you'll be amazing with a toddler."

He kissed her ear and she giggled. "You'll be perfect dad's. The fun one, who can cook and can help with homework, the stern-but-adoring one who gets her everywhere and keeps us sane. It's a good mix."

"I'm with you if you want to talk to Mara. I trust you. But promise me, if you even feel it get close, you knock that bitch down and lock her away."

She nodded against his neck.

* * *

 

 

Nathan didn't get back to them until after lunch, by which point they all had work to do. They agreed to meet at Audrey's that night, but she thought of the size of the bed on the Rouge and decided to suggest it soon. A quick online search had confirmed her to be into her second trimester. She had lost some weight in the aftermath of the merge, but her waistband was already a little snug. She'd only get bigger.

They finally sat down together around her living room, trays from The Gull holding a lovely meal Duke had plated from the dinner service.

Audrey wore a t-shirt stolen from Nathan, long enough on her tiny frame to hang to her knees. Her hair was in a loose knot on top of her head. She ached all over, from the errant punch, the sickness, crying and stress; she was sore, tired and dry.

"Was your whole day that busy? Because if it was, you should have called for help sooner. What a trainwreck."

"What happened?" Duke asked.

"Just while I was in? 3 break-in's at the Historical Society, where the Troubled owner is manifesting a ghost she read stayed there- I still don't have her convinced, so I'm sure I'll be back tomorrow. Plus a brawl at the Herald between the Teagues' brothers, a normal robbery and a cat attacking a mailman. Must be full moon."

"Busy." Nathan affirmed. "But tell me what Charlotte said."

She sighed and toyed with her food. "Mara's alive. She's not a danger on her own, but William could be. She was able to talk to Charlotte for a second."  

Nathan exhaled deeply. "Was prepared for that. Well, except for the talking to Charlotte part, what was that?"

"Charlotte cried when she heard about the baby. Mara'd never seen her cry, she caught me off guard. She was actually acting kind of scared, I'd never seen her so human. I got control when she started trying to fight with Charlotte."

"She had it under control, Nate. Mara bled through, but Audrey had her down like that." He snapped his fingers, trying to reassure the detective.

Duke wouldn't say anything, but seeing Mara like that had scared him enough to take any weapons out of the bedroom. He didn't think Mara would actually try to kill one of them while Audrey slept, but only idiots in horror movies didn't hedge their bets.

Nathan nodded thoughtfully, stroking her bare knee.

"How are you, Parker?" It was kind of adorable, the way he reverted to her last name when he was anxious.

She smiled, grimacing when the pain hit her face.

"I have a plan."

"And what's that?"

"I'm going to talk to her." He looked at her like she was crazy. She put a finger to his lips to stop him from interrupting. He kissed her finger, nodding.

"She's stuck here with me, and she doesn't like it any better than I did in that position. She can't run and she can't hurt me. Maybe I can... help her."

"Not alone."

"No. I want you both here, but I'm going to talk to her inside my head. You won't hear us."

"Um, Audrey?" Duke raised his hand.

"Yes, Mr. Crocker?"

"I was thinking, if you're going to talk her, you're going to want to work on making yourself as strong as possible, both mentally and physically, and now that you're pregnant, you're going to have to alter your workout routine anyway... so how 'bout you let me teach you yoga?"

He looked so proud of his plan, so hopeful. How did he not understand her 'workout routine' consisted of work, the required yearly physical testing and defensive tactics classes and limiting her cupcake and alcohol consumption? She hated just working out. But he had a point. She knew the mental discipline required to master yoga, and she'd need to keep in shape. She swallowed her distaste- barely- and nodded her acceptance.

"Excellent! We can start tomorrow. You'll love it, I promise."

She doubted that. "So when are you planning on doing this?" Nathan asked. He was probably just trying to distract them before Duke could con him into 'Family Yoga Nights'. Traitor.

"Tonight, probably. No reason to put it off. If it doesn't go well, I'll take a couple of Duke's lessons and try again." She shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant.

"After dinner, though." Duke warned.

"After." She agreed.

Nathan sighed and nodded.


	7. Everybody Knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own a large stack of bills. This doesn't help them.   
> Story for this chapter is Everybody Knows by Leonard Cohen, performed by Concrete Blonde.

They'd eaten and settled down to watch a movie before bed. Audrey wasn't paying much attention to it. She was getting anxious.

She should just do it now. The boys were here. They were watching the movie, so she had relative privacy.

' _Mara_?'

Nothing. She felt stupid. She was trying to get a voice in her head to talk to her. Frustrated, she tried again.

' _Mara!_ ' she thought. How do you yell in your own head?

' _ **What**_?' The voice was angry.

She hadn't planned what to say. She went into every Trouble call with just her wits; no script. She knew how to talk to Troubled people. Who could be more troubled than their creator?

' _I'm sorry you're hurting._ '

' _No you aren't. You love having me stuck here. You want to hurt me._ '

' _That isn't true_.'

' _You stole my life. My body. My baby._ '

' _You were hurting people. I came back to help you._ ' 

' _Liar! She told you she was going to trick me, didn't she? All that shit about wanting me to feel safe was a joke. I fell for it._ ' Mara's grief was palpable to Audrey for an unguarded moment, and her eyes filled with tears.

' _I honestly believed she was putting me back inside you. I was okay with that._ '

' _Well, you learned lesson number one then. Never trust Momma._ '

' _What did she do to you_?' Audrey asked, curious.

' _What everyone does. Took. She never wanted me. My father was the only one who loved me, and she made sure I lost him. You're so naive. You really believe people are basically good. They aren't._ '

' _Then why did you save Duke_?'

She'd hit a nerve, and she felt the tremor of truth before Mara had her guard up again.

' _I think ahead. I figured he'd be useful._ '

' _Why are you lying? You didn't want him to die. That's not something to be ashamed of._ '

' _Stop playing psychoanalyst. You suck at it. Why are you even bothering me? You think I'll tell you about William's plans? No._ '

' _I'm trying to talk to you, because I know how it feels to be forced silent._ '

' _Yes, because Sweet Saint Audrey is so much better than me._ '

' _No. Because I think you're hurt. The Barn, the lives. 500 years. It doesn't seem like punishment, it seems like torture._ '

Her gamble at honesty had an affect. She could feel Mara's surprise.

' _It was. Is. You got mad about Duke sleeping with me. I had to feel each man you ever took, under any name. I got no say. Violated by new personalities, violated by their lovers. It made me sick. I'd only ever been with William._ '

' _How old were you when it started_?'

' _Momma's punishment? In your years- 13 or 14._ '

Audrey was stunned. That was very young.

Mara's laughter sounded forced. ' _I don't want your pity. You're nothing to me, any of you._ '

Audrey forced her eyes to Duke's face, staring at his lovely profile, softened with relaxation. She put her hand to her belly. She stayed silent as she watched him, feeling Mara study him with her. They were quiet for a moment.

' _Stop_.' Mara hissed.

Audrey turned to the television, having made her point.

' _It doesn't matter. He just wanted you. He'd have hurt me too, eventually. It's what people do. Everybody knows that._ '

' _He didn't._ '

' _I didn't give him the chance_.'

' _More's the pity_.'

' _Leave me alone. And if you're going to hurt my face, take the damn pain pills._ '

' _Goodnight, Mara_.'

There was no answer.

* * *

 

Audrey stretched. "Well, that was interesting."

"What are you talking about? It's got another 20 minutes, and absolutely nothing interesting has happened yet. Nate is never picking the movie again." Duke groused.

"Not the movie, I was talking to Mara."

"What!?" Nathan's head twisted comically, looking all around for the invisible intruder. "I thought you were going to wait!"

"You were both right here. Don't be silly. I said you could be here, not that I was going to do it under a microscope."

"Nevermind that, what'd she say?" Duke cut in.

She thought about it. "I don't think we're getting a full story. But... she truly doesn't trust Charlotte. Until we know more, I think we should be careful around her."

' _Smarter than I thought._ ' Mara snarked.

"So, that's a no on her offer of prenatal care, eh?" Duke asked.

' _No! I swear if you let her near the baby I'll stab **her** in the eye next time!_ '

"Absolutely not. We're not letting her near the baby." Audrey assured them both.

"Why would she hurt the baby, Parker?"

"I don't know if she would, Nathan, but Mara thinks so, and that's enough."

Duke gave her a cautious look. "You trust Mara?" he asked, voice neutral.

Mara seemed to share their surprise. Audrey could feel her there, listening.

"I believe Charlotte hurt Mara. Badly."

' _Thank you._ ' Mara whispered fervently, sounding near tears, and Audrey felt her sleep.


	8. The Paragon of Animals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got nuffink.  
> Song for this chapter is What a Piece of Work is Man from Hair, words by Shakespeare.

The next day was Friday, and it was endless. They had been on 6 separate calls in 5 hours, Audrey had eaten a plain dry bagel for her lunch as Nathan drove them out to the Historical Society _again_.

"I have to get through to her this time. I'm not camping out here forever." Audrey complained. She was still hungry, damnit. Hunger made the constant nausea that she now recognized as morning sickness worse. So did driving, actually. She searched Nathan's glovebox for food, file outlining the entire life of the Historical Society's building safe in her lap.

"What are you looking for?" He glanced sideways at her.

"Do you have any food in here? Stale pretzels, I don't care. Anything."

He smiled enigmatically, reaching behind the seat and pulling out a bag of what Crocker assured him were absolute necessities for the care and feeding of gravid partners. He placed it on the seat between them and nudged it toward Audrey.

"What's this?"

"Duke packed you an emergency kit." She was curious, but hesitant. It was like being on The Price is Right. The bag could hold untold wonders, or it could hold seaweed salad, quinoa and green smoothies. Probably yoga books, too.

She really was hungry though. If there were green drinks, she could pour them out on some poor plant that needed the compost. Steeling her resolve, she opened the bag.

Much to Nathan's credit, the vehicle didn't swerve a millimeter when she squealed.

There was a Tupperware with a cupcake from Rosemary's, 4 cans of ginger ale, a box of Saltines, 3 flavors of protein bars, a bag of Kisses, and a pretty, rectangular box filled with a decorative mix of rice, veggies and several things she didn't recognize all in separate compartments.

As she dug around, a square box caught her eye. Curiously, she lifted it out and popped the top off. She felt Mara's consciousness rise, turbulent emotions swirling around her.

' _Strawberries_ ' she whispered, stunned.

Audrey saw the memory as Mara thought it- she'd gone to get groceries while Duke slept. Popsicles, snacks and her favorite fruit. The surprise on Duke's face when she asked him to let her in. The fascinated look in his eyes as he watched her devour the berries. The smell of lemons from the dish soap she'd used to slip the cuff.

' _He packed these for you, Mara._ '

' _It was coincidence. Eat one?_ ' It was half order, half request.

Audrey bit into a red fruit. She let herself over to Mara slowly, carefully. She felt Mara's momentary bliss, and it made her giddy. She would have kissed Duke, if he'd been there, for reaching out to Mara like this.

She ate the strawberries in silence, fascinated by the memories that played. The place from her early dreams, where their baby had been conceived. Laughter and drinks in the ship's hold. The warmth that filled her when Duke kissed her back. All the feelings and memories coalesced around them as Audrey read the uncensored truth.

' _You're in love with him._ '

' _I'm in love with William_.'

' _Why don't you think about him the way you do Duke_?'

There was a moment of startled silence, and in it Audrey felt the smallest thrill of fear that wasn't hers.

Mara was silent.

* * *

It took three wretched hours of pouring over every document she'd brought to finally convince Mrs. Dankworth that there was no ghost. The whole thing almost fell apart when the woman brought out a copy of the newspaper clipping with Lucy and Duke.

"My late mother." Audrey lied smoothly, making Nathan cough as Mara laughed.

"Oh." The old lady looked like someone had kicked her puppy. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"She's always with me in here." Audrey deadpanned, with her hand on her heart, making the disembodied voice laugh harder.

' _If she only knew._ '

' _What's the point of this Trouble, anyway_?'

' _Fun, mostly. She's lonely_.' Audrey stood, she and Nathan shook the widow's hand and they left as quickly as possible.

She grabbed the handset on the police radio as soon as the door was open.

"Laverne, we're done at the Historical Society, have you got anything else for me and Nathan?"

"So far it looks clear, hon. You two should skedaddle while you can."

"Will do. Thanks, Laverne." She loved the dispatcher, but she really wasn't looking forward to telling everyone that she was pregnant. She was enough of an oddity in the small town, she was sure heads would spin when people found out she was in a polyamorous relationship with Nathan _and_ Duke.

"We got another call?" Nathan asked wearily, climbing in and slamming the door.

"Nope! We're done, Laverne said to run while we could. Home! Mush!" She fastened her seatbelt and pulled out the pretty lunchbox, digging in. She texted Duke while she ate.

**-Thx for the bag. Mara appreciated the strawberries-**

Less than a minute later, her phone buzzed.

**-You're both very welcome. Gotta take care of my girls. Come home soon.-**

' _Does he mean... me_?'

' _I told you. You can't see it clearly because of your anger_.'

Mara swirled uneasily. ' _Why_?'

' _He's Duke Crocker. He's practically made of love._ '

' _Nathan hates me. Not that I care. He's cute, though._ '

' _Nathan doesn't hate you. He doesn't know you. He was scared when I went away. Give him a chance._ '

' _He probably already called every priest from Castle Rock to Derry to beg for an exorcism._ '

She laughed aloud, and Nathan tilted his head. "Something funny?"

"Mara thinks you've been calling around looking for an Exorcist."

He smiled a little. "Not unless you want me to."

She closed the empty box and placed it in the bag. "No. I think we're okay."

She was surprised when Mara agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably should have mentioned this is cross posted at FF. Same name.


	9. A Cold and Broken Hallelujah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement intended.  
> Song for this chapter is Hallelujah (Jeff Buckley version)

Audrey had dozed off on the way home, and when the Bronco rocked to a stop, her eyes flew open.

There was a giant clown head in front of her.

She gasped and went for her gun, holster unsnapped and pistol pointing before she realized Nathan was laughing. _Laughing_!

She realized that they were parked in front of the Gull, but the normally semi-tolerable 'Taco Tuesday' board had been replaced by this red-nosed monstrosity.

She holstered her weapon, glaring at the clown. She didn't remember if she'd ever told them she hated clowns.

Irrationally hated.

Feared.

She was a coulraphobe.

"You alright, Parker?" Nathan tried to look concerned instead of amused.

"Fine. Did you know about that?" She gestured as if he could miss it.

"Nope. Sure was glad I was here to see it, though."

"Keep digging, Wuornos. The couch is lumpy."

"I'm sorry." He apologized sincerely. "Let me make it up to you."

"I'm listening."

The atmosphere changed. He moved towards her, stalking the front seat like a lion. His eyes were dark, staring at her lips. He was just about to kiss her.

"Not in front of the clown. I can't let those circuits cross. Upstairs."

They ran.

* * *

Upstairs, beyond sight of the horror, they were fumbling with the door, clumsy with haste like hormonal teens. Honestly, if not for the crowd on the side of the building, she'd just take him here on the porch.

She was pretty sure Duke would sell tickets.

They finally cleared the threshold and she kicked the door closed as she pulled off Nathan's jacket, both of their holsters were placed on the couch. They scattered clothing behind them in a trail to her bed, where she pushed him down.

She climbed to straddle him, her eyes taking in every inch of him greedily. He really was a beautiful man. Scars decorated his skin like stars in the night sky, all empty reminders of things he couldn't _feel_.

She nipped at a scar on his chest, making him groan. She laughed as she bit and kissed her way up his chest, feeling him writhing beneath her.

It was a heady feeling, being the only one who could make him feel. She tried not to dwell on it much, uncomfortable with the idea of so much power.

Right now, she _cherished_ it.

The things we take for granted!

Her very breath made him shiver, her body radiating heat to him like the sun. His own skin came alive under hers, feeling her tug gently at the hairs on his arms. Her touch radiated a symphony of sensation everywhere it went. He was so gloriously _sensitive_.

They tumbled about for dominance, both eager to give what the other requested.

She ended up clinging to him as he towered over her. She hooked her ankles around him, frantic and demanding. Yet no matter what spell she wove on him, he knew how to delay gratification, and he moved with exquisite slowness, staring at her face with heartbreaking devotion as he entered her.

They took his pace as long as she could stand it, and he didn't resist as she rolled them over, smoothly taking control.

* * *

Mara thought it was like a dance. She watched; reluctantly, morbidly curious, letting only the edges of her mind actually _feel_.

Things had never been like this with William.

With him, he set the pace for everything. She never denied him, but knew not to pester him by trying to instigate physical love. He was always in _control_.

Not so, this. They moved back and forth in unison, giving and taking command. No rules, no expectations.

No fear of punishment.

It wasn't that they were so typically, boorishly human that every action was gentle and soft. They pushed and pulled, bit and moaned, scratched and clawed.

But they did it _together_.

She'd never seen such a thing. She secretly treasured that single memory of Duke, but back then she had still been plotting and planning, and she just tried to be what she thought he wanted.

She'd never just been with someone like this. Both wanting, no fear or lies between them. Even here at the fringes, she tensed with Audrey, feeling the world explode. She heard him say Audrey's name like a prayer as he came with her, and her heart twisted.

Why couldn't she have that?

Just once?

* * *

They were clean and decent, she was wearing Mara's blue shirt- she'd been surprisingly happy to find it- when they came down to harass Duke into joining them.

The bar was packed when they came in, but Duke pulled an employee over and walked away from it. He gave Nathan a manly hug and clasped his hand, grinning. They shared a long look before Crocker nodded and turned.

Duke greeted Audrey, taking her face in his hands.

He kissed her left ear, whispering "Welcome home, Audrey."

He kissed her right ear- "Welcome home, Mara."

He placed his forehead against hers. Mara was stunned. Audrey didn't fight as she felt her arms wrap around Duke, her mouth needy against his.

She cried as they kissed, afraid she'd imagined his words. Hoping she'd imagined. But she wanted to be loved right now, if he was willing.

Audrey wouldn't deny her that.

She heard a quick exchange, and suddenly Duke was leading her upstairs.

Mara stumbled a bit, unused to walking, and Duke picked her up in one arm, her legs automatically clinging to him, keeping his face against hers as he walked. She was momentarily unsure.

"Who, Duke?" she asked in her real voice- not the sneering, hateful tone but the voice from the boathouse- feeling like she had to stretch her neck to get used to speaking. Like they'd ever let that happen. She was ready to disappear the moment he said Audrey's name.

He looked into her eyes as he carried her into the apartment. He slowly enunciated her name, his lips curling against each letter like a kiss. " _Mara_."

She kissed him ravenously, as desperate for touch as the man they'd just been with was. She wondered idly if Nathan would thank her for her gift- his Trouble- if he ever knew why she'd gifted it to great-grandaddy Hansen.

She wasn't sure how long she had or why Audrey had possibly allowed this, but she chose in a terrifying leap to just trust him.

"Please." She implored.

He sucked in a breath, eyes growing dark, glinting dangerous as daggers. She felt naked already under his gaze, and she brought her mouth against his, breathing the words into him: a perfect example of Intent without Aether, " _Teach me_."

He took his time. Hours could have passed in the soft light of the bedroom as he introduced himself- and her- to her body. He touched her in foreign ways, so attentive she felt like he was surrounding her. She couldn't be still, and he hadn't even entered her.

She wasn't hurting. He was doing this _with_ her, not _to_ her. She was unafraid, and the sheer _lack_ of fear was frightening, as though she was going to float right off the world.

She held him harder, clinging to him as she tasted the sweat of his shoulder. Sea and wind, rum and old books. She wanted more. Teeth scraped skin.

She'd lived many lives, been an unwilling participant to her body being used in hundreds of ways, maybe thousands.

_She_ had only been with one man before Duke, and the first time with Duke had been mostly autopilot, tricks the body had compiled so she could create the Aether web.

This was just _her_ : free and clinging, giddy and grim, trusting and afraid. Is this why humans died so soon? She was afraid she'd implode.

He repeated her name over and over: a chant, a mantra. Every time he said her name another tear slipped loose, running to mingle with the sweat on her skin, on his skin. Every time, she clutched at him harder, accidentally leaving scratches in her primal need to get closer. She gasped for air as her body arched out of control, straining in an almost painful need for something she didn't understand.

"Duke!" She cried- a terrified plea.

"I have you baby. Let go, Mara."

It was like the explosion that had parted Audrey from her, plus the implosion of the joining, multiplied exponentially. She was tearing apart at the seams, pieces coming back all different. Like he'd branded his name on her.

She cried out, clinging in blind terror to the man above her. She felt him shake and still, and still he held her as she cried; hideously, terrifyingly, gloriously exposed. She was reminded of being born.

Internally she was a swirling riot of color and emotion. Red and gold wove crazily against black static. The feelings were too strong. She wasn't going to make it.

It was worse than being lost in the Void, this chaotic whirlwind. She saw a dozen possible timeline outcomes, and some were terrifying. Fear, doubt, and dread about William screamed in the forefront, and they grew, blocking everything. She started to panic.

Then, a calm, quiet voice. A blue and gold light dancing steadily against her red and gold maelstrom. _'Don't be afraid. Let me help._ ' Mara felt the burden slip, Audrey taking a share for herself.

' _How can you bear this_?'

' _This is the best feeling in the world. People die for this._ '

' _Is it always so hard_?'

' _In a way, maybe. It's always exposing. Vulnerable. But trusting the person you're sharing that vulnerability with is the key. When you have that, it's like... flying_.'

' _How long do I have?_ '

_'No rush_.'

Mara tried not to feel resentful. Instead, she sent a heartfelt thanks. Understanding brushed her in return.

She opened her eyes to Duke's.

Her head rested on his shoulder, face tilted toward him. He stared serenely, dark eyes open. His jaw was relaxed. He wasn't exhausted from controlling his affliction. He wasn't hiding his time with her. He was psychologically naked too.

"I. Should I... are we... are you. Are you alright?" she asked.

"I'm really, really good. Are you okay?" He gingerly stroked a bite mark- far down enough for Audrey to hide with clothes, thankfully.

"Yes. I'm good. Do you want me to leave? I mean, do you want... Audrey?"

"Why? Do you want to leave? I thought we could... talk?" It was unfair, she couldn't marshal her aloof mask while his hands stroked her side.

She just nodded. They were silent, only breathing and the shush of his fingers stroking her. She spoke first.

"Why? You have her back. Why would you do anything for me? Is it so I'll leave her alone?" She was honestly curious. She couldn't understand why he'd do this unless he had to. They hated her. Even her name meant 'bitter' in their tongue. She bet Charlotte had known that. A proper science project has a label designation, not a name. Hers was Mara.

"I didn't leave you. You left."

"Not purposely. Momma told me she was going to combine us, to mix Audrey back into me the way she was before my 'punishment'. To make me whole so I could be happy again. She lied so I'd let her kill me."

"Why'd she want to kill you?" he asked gently.

She looked away. "I was a failed experiment. Audrey was like a reboot from before. It was nothing but deleting data to her. Can we talk about something else?"

"Anything you want." he nuzzled her hair.

"Obviously you're going to try to get rid of me. Maybe you'll succeed. If that happens, will you tell our baby about me? If you can. Say I was Audrey's twin or something." She forced a harsh laugh, her stomach churning with distress. She wasn't sure what scared her more, anymore- Her death or William returning.

"Why do you have to go anywhere? You and Audrey could just stay together. We could be a family."

"You don't want that. Even if you did, Nathan doesn't want me anywhere near him."

"We talked. He wants to try."

"Even if that were true, William is coming. People won't _survive_." She imagined her own fate. Torture? Imprisonment? If he found their baby... she shivered, suddenly very afraid of everything. How had she come to this?

"We can deal with him together. We won't leave you. You and Audrey are both wanted here, if you want us. We love you both."

"That's not how life works. But I..." she gave him a lingering kiss, hoping it would say it for her. She felt herself drifting and yawned.

"I have to go soon. Before I sleep. Duke?"

"Mara."

"Just. Don't say it unless you're sure. If you mean it. If I fell for you, I'd be in real trouble."

"You have to be open to accepting it. Accepting love. You're worth loving, Mara."

"Duke..." she slurred, losing control near sleep. "I love you."

Mara slept.


	10. Hidden in His Coat is a Red Right Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not getting paid.
> 
> Song for this chapter is Red Right Hand by Nick Cave.

Audrey was deeply, dreamlessly asleep when she had the odd sensation of being poked from inside her body. A voice was whispering.

' _Hey. Blondie. Audrey_!' it hissed urgently.

' _Mara?' Are we awake?_ ' Audrey was confused. Everything looked wrong.

' _You wanted to know. Look._ '

The formless haze around her settled into a memory, or the dream of a memory. Audrey was fascinated, eager to see what her counterpart wanted to show her.

It was strange to feel Mara there, not exactly relaxed, but open enough for Audrey to sense she wasn't angry or plotting. Mara was _sharing_ this. Willingly.

* * *

 

She sat in the grass, surrounded by wildflowers. She was overlooking the beach, delicate fingers twisting rapidly, braiding the many colors of flowers into an intricate crown. As the wind tickled her she could see her hair, longer than usual; falling to her waist in thick, soft waves the color of burnt caramel.

She wore an old-fashioned dress, deep blue and elegant in it's simplicity. Her body was smaller, like a girl on the cusp of womanhood. Maybe 12, no more than 13 by Audrey's estimation.

Down by the water, a group of boys were wrestling, telling tall tales to impress their peers.

"I did, I stuck my head right in! I could see straight down it clear to the other side. There were barbarians!"

"Don't lie, Thomas. Everyone knows you can't see in the Void."

"You read that in a book? I bet you've never even touched a Thinny. You're scared."

The boys wrestled, and Mara shook her head, scoffing at them.

All children in their society knew about the Void. They studied it in school. For their own safety, they had to be able to recognize Thinnies, the portals that lead to the Void. A child who was careless near a Thinny could fall through. When that happened, they didn't come back.

Their leaders had fenced off several such portals, but they weren't always easy to find and sometimes, brand new ones would appear overnight, as if the Void had a mind of its own.

She heard another voice talking to the boys. _A stranger_! Mara gazed up excitedly- they didn't get new kids in town often, and she was eager to make a new friend.

This new boy was older, and he had a mysterious, quiet intensity in his smile. His hair was golden, cut shorter than most local boys. He had a casual affect- hands in his pockets, slouching, leaning his hip against one of the bigger boulders on the beach. She listened carefully.

"So, you guys have touched the Void, huh?"

"Of course we have. Dozens of times." Thomas was trying to show off.

"Wow, that's really brave. I couldn't do that." the stranger replied, looking impressed.

Mara was disappointed. Thomas didn't need another sycophant believing his silly lies. She sighed, wondering how much simpler life must be for stupid people.

"Well, not everyone can do it. Probably better that you don't. You could get hurt."

"You're right." the stranger agreed affably."But hey, since you're an expert, maybe you can tell me about this."

He had produced something from a pocket. Mara felt herself tense in recognition as golden sparks danced around his hand.

To anyone else, it would have looked like charcoal. Maybe an iron ingot.

To Mara, it sparkled and gleamed, bright gold and blinding.

He was holding Aether. "A rock? There's no rocks in the Void." Thomas sneered, laughing mockingly. The other boys laughed too.

"Not a rock, friend. Aether. See, the Void? It's full of this stuff. It's less solid there, but it's everywhere. Like air. The Aether is the interesting part, not the other world. It can do _anything_." Still smiling, he closed in on Thomas, the ball of Aether held in two fingers, like he was going to touch Thomas with it. Her mouth went dry and she stood quickly, heart pounding with fear. She had to do something.

"Thomas!" she called, drawing their attention. She schooled her features to impassivity, walking quickly toward the boys. "Your father needs to see you. He seemed like he was in a hurry." Mara smiled kindly, secretly screaming at him to run.

"Thank you, Mara." Thomas replied politely- she was a lady, after all, and well liked among her peers. "I will go at once." He bowed to her, turned, and loped off, the rest of the children at his heels.

She sucked in air gratefully as her fear dissipated.

She rounded on the new boy. He was in perfect counterpoint to her; his relaxed slouch to her straight spine, his open grin to her disapproving frown, his easy chaos to her iron discipline.

"You were going to touch him with Aether!" She almost shouted, fighting to control the unfamiliar anger.

"It wouldn't have hurt him. I can't activate it, see?" He held the ball out to her. It lay cold and inert in his palm. She relaxed... a little.

"Still, you shouldn't play like that. It's not a game."

"Life is a game, little flower. Winners and losers. The sooner you understand that, the sooner you become a winner. How'd you know what it was, anyway?"

"My name is Mara. My father is an Occulus." she replied proudly.

The Occuli were the preeminent members of their scientific community. They were the smartest people in the world. Less than 1% of the population, they were leaders in a society dedicated to knowledge and industry. Her daddy was the best one there was.

"William." He bowed to her, looking appropriately impressed. "Maybe I should give this to you." He offered her the orb, watching her intently.

She deliberated quickly, following the paths of possibility, looking for one that wouldn't be a risk. She grabbed a clean handkerchief from her pocket, careful not to touch the Aether directly. She could pass this off as being afraid to get dirty.

"Thank you. Where did you get it?" She enquired politely as she focused on wrapping the orb. If he told her, she could go make sure there were no stray scraps and if there was a Thinny, she'd tell her father.

"From the Void." Mara jumped. He'd crept nearer to her as she wrapped the bundle and he was too close, his breath stirring her hair as he softly enunciated the words in her ear. Her mind was blank for a moment, sensory overload breaking her control and before she could regain it, William was kissing her.

Mara had taken great pains to keep herself distant from people who didn't know her secret. Physical contact was something she craved, but she understood that her responsibilities were more important than her desires. She had a duty.

William was touching her though, giving her her very first kiss. The overload of sensation was physically painful, psychologically unbearable. It was torture.

And she couldn't move.

There was a wailing sound coming from her throat. Her body shook. She tried desperately to just _back up_. He bit her lip, and everything snapped.

Mara fainted.

* * *

 

When her eyes opened, she was lying in the grass. William was reclined next to her, watching her with her crown of flowers atop his head.

"I thought it was a myth that girls fainted when they got kissed."

She felt the heat of the blush on her face.

"I didn't faint because you kissed me," she said, unusual acidity creeping into her voice. "It's a medical condition." She considered sitting up, but worried that she'd embarrass herself further. She had to be careful. She had to keep the secret.

His dancing eyes gentled. "What kind of condition?" Mara was shocked. It was beyond impolite to ask such a question. If an adult had heard him, he'd certainly have been reprimanded. Who was this wild boy who so blatantly flouted the rules?

But... if he didn't care about rules, maybe he would understand. The idea of having someone to talk to was attractive.

She stared at him, wondering if it was safe to talk to him.

"Hey, it's okay. I won't tell anyone. I'm not exactly surrounded with friends."

She sat up slowly. "If I say... do you swear not to tell?"

He dug into his pocket, bringing out a folding knife. Before she could protest, he'd cut his palm and grabbed her hand, slicing it quickly. He pressed the cuts together, his superior strength keeping her from jerking away.

"I swear I will never tell." Sincerity rang in the words, and though she was irritated with his presumptuous behavior she found she very much wanted to talk.

She scooted a bit further away, retreating back into the no-contact perimeter she kept as she freed her bloody hand.

"I got sick back when the Influenza pandemic hit. Daddy's an Occulus, I told you that. He knew I was dying. He said he would never let me go. That if he had to, he would march through the Void himself and force the gods to heal me.

"He synthesized a medicine from Aether. He only had enough for one dose. He gave it to me while my mother was out. He broke the law." Mara was whispering now. If her father was caught and convicted of illegal experimentation his status wouldn't protect him. He had risked everything for her.

"Your __mother would have let you _die_ just to follow the rules? Wow."

His tone made her uncomfortable. She'd never really thought of it like that. Momma just wanted them all safe. It wasn't that she considered Mara expendable. Of course she didn't. She wouldn't have wanted Daddy to get in trouble, that's all. Momma loved her.

"That's not true. He didn't tell her because he wanted to protect her."

"Right, of course."

"Anyway," she went on, disconcerted, "I got well, but the cure had side effects. I can't stand to be touched. Acute Hypersensitivity. That's why I fainted."

"Would you faint if I kissed you again?"

Unfamiliar fury rolled through her. "Don't! It's not funny. This is my life! _I'm not a joke!_ " Mara was shouting, anger burning through her control. As William edged closer she lashed out, and he grabbed her hand, pressing an Aether orb against her palm where it spread out and clung beyond her sight.

She reared back to slap him. Mara would make him take her seriously. She _deserved_ his respect.

He didn't see it fast enough to move. As her hand made contact, she was horrified to feel the euphoria of the activated Aether flow through her.

Panicked, Mara's gaze flew to William's face, seeing the black handprint edged in golden fire on his cheek.

And the obsessive desire in his eyes.

' _Target. Intent. Aether._ '

' _You couldn't have known!_ '

' _That doesn't matter. It happened. It all starts here._ '


	11. Speak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My kids caught some frogs in the back yard, but that's all I own.
> 
> Song for this chapter is Breaking the Silence by Queensryche

They were laying between Nathan and Duke, arms and legs tangled everywhere.

They.

It was strange, waking up with both in equal possession. Not fighting. Just existing together. It was still dark, maybe 3 am.

' _Mara_?'

' _Yeah_?'

' _Can you trust me_?'

' _Do I have a choice_?' She was too drained to sound cross.

There was a moment's pause before Audrey answered. ' _Yes. You do. Please_?'

' _Okay, whatever. Go ahead._ '

' _Stay with me_?'

' _Are you serious_?'

' _Yes_.'

' _Fine, but don't let him fuck up our face. Would you please take a pain pill? I think my... our... cheek is broken. Hairline fracture of the left Zygomatic Arch_.'

' _I guess you'd know_.'

' _Yep_.'

Audrey nudged Nathan gently, whispering his name. He wasn't waking, but continued to snore softly.

Duke laughed against her other side. She glanced at him, smiling in the moonlight.

Their breath caught. He was stunning.

"Typical Nathan. He gets laid, he sleeps like the dead. Glad some things never change."

She chuckled, voice modulated somewhere between Audrey and Mara. "I need to wake him up, I need something from the nightstand."

His eyebrows wiggled as he grinned at her.

"Duke! My pain pills. Jeez. Pervert."

"One of my many charms. Want me to wake him up?" He looked hopeful.

"Just cover me. I'm going in."

She heard him snickering as she untangled the blanket from their legs. After a few moments, she gently hitched one leg to straddle Nathan, her arm out, entire body stretched to grab the water and her bottle of pills. Her hand closed around them, she tilted a fraction too far, and suddenly her body fell right on top of Nathan.

That's when she realized she was still naked. She'd forgotten that Mara had been the one to put them to sleep.

Nathan woke when she landed on him, and his arms went around to steady her. Mara squeaked. Dignified? Maybe not. But she was naked atop a man who hated her, and she didn't have her guard up.

She started to roll away, wanting to cover up and let Audrey drive.

"Mara, calm down." Nathan said quietly. She froze. How could he tell so easily?

He kept his arm around her as he handed over the bottles, even opening the small one to shake two tablets into her hand. She swallowed them quickly, handing the water back.

"Sorry about waking you. We... she... we couldn't get you to wake up. Sorry." She knew she was stammering, she was sure she looked like an idiot. Why was he still touching her? He should have pushed her off him, not held her. Not knowing it wasn't just Audrey.

' _Just wait_.' Audrey whispered.

Nathan moved her gently, like she weighed nothing. He lifted her and settled her between himself and Duke, pulling the blankets up to cover her. He carefully stroked a lock of her hair out of her eyes.

"How bad are you hurting?"

His concern was disarming.

"It's nothing. A hairline fracture. Audrey barely notices. It's just- me. She was trying to help me. Sorry."

He traced her injured cheek, fingers barely touching. He looked so _sad_.

"I'm sorry I hurt you."

"No, like I said, she can barely feel it. Seriously, she's fine."

"Said I'm sorry I hurt _you_ , Mara. I apologized to Audrey already."

She stared at his eyes, confused.

What was with these people? They had history. Bad history. Plus they were human. Savage. Backwards. Ignorant. Cruel. Vindictive. Why were they treating her like she had a place here?

' _Do any of those words really describe Nathan or Duke?_ '

' _I suppose not. But I still don't belong._ '

' _Let them try._ ' Mara tried to relax into the pillow.

"Apology accepted... Nathan." This time she did stretch her neck and jaw.

They were quiet for a few minutes. She felt the pain receding as the medication started to work. Both men lay on their sides, facing her. Their hands met over her bare belly, and she felt the Aether that was bonded to her cells flare, causing the reaction that let Nathan feel Duke. Mara saw the flash of joy in Nathan's eyes, and her throat got tight.

"I was thinking." Duke said. His thumb rubbed against her bellybutton.

"Hmm?"

"I want the kid to have Nathan's surname."

They both looked at him, surprised.

"Why?" Nathan finally asked.

"Because we're ending a cycle. There will be no more Crockers trying to kill our girl because of a stupid legacy. I don't want another generation talking about the Crocker curse. I want the baby to be a Wuornos who can feel."

Mara's eyes darted between the men. Nathan was staring at Duke with understanding and compassion. They weren't fighting. They weren't trying to control. They just wanted to love.

' _Just like us._ ' Audrey whispered.

When had that happened? When had her and Audrey- total opposites, enemies even- become an "us"?

"It wasn't a curse! It was _never_ a curse. I'm so, so sorry!" Mara wailed.

"I was trying to _help_. The gifts were evolving, mixing with other families, getting tangled up. I couldn't take gifts back, I could only give, sometimes modify them. I couldn't stop it! Everyone needed my help, people lined up, camped for weeks to beg me to _help_."

It was like a dam had burst. She couldn't shut up. "Triston Croyker was his name. Linguistic shifts turned it into Crocker. He was... my friend? His sister Aria married a man from the Gaille family. The Gailles weren't stable. All my fault.

"The Gaille sons had kept dying in the cot, 5 in a row, and the parents were so sad! I just wanted their poor babies to be stronger, strong enough to live! But they grew up too strong, and they grew up mean. He was hurting Aria so much, he was out of control.

"It's like dog breeding. Some strains of aggression get bred out, some magnify. I didn't make them mean, but I made them strong before I knew they would be mean."

"Triston begged me to help. I told him I couldn't fix the Gailles. I explained how it worked. It... it was Triston's idea. He thought if I could give him a gift- allow him to absorb the gift of another family and transfer it back into clean Aether- then he could help his sister and me. No one was supposed to die.

"I worked so hard to get it right. Triston would touch gifted blood- it only needed to be a few drops!- he would absorb it, his gift would filter the Aether clean, and he would return it to me-" her voice dropped to a pained whisper- "through his tears."

She twisted her fingers in the covers, hands in tight fists.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid." She closed her eyes, determined to finish what she'd begun.

"Everything was planned. He had me gift him. He thanked me. _Hugged_ me. We went to his sister's the same night.

"When the blood touched him, it absorbed just right. But Triston was so angry, it was like it wouldn't let him cry. He couldn't, or wouldn't, release the Aether. The draw of the anger took over, and he killed Gaille. I tried to stop him, I swear. I swear. He was just bigger than me and he was so strong, his eyes were glowing all silver, not black at all."

She was sobbing, guilt and shame tearing at her. She heard Audrey trying to soothe her, but she wouldn't accept the comfort. She deserved this. She gasped for air, desperate to just spit the words out like they were poisoning her.

"Triston killed him, and didn't cry, and so the Aether took control. The rush? I didn't create that. The Aether affects you the same way it does me, Duke. It's like a drug.

"Then Duke was dying, all the Aether his bloodline had accumulated was poisoning him. It wasn't right. Wasn't fair. He'd never done anything wrong. It wasn't the gifts he had to release, it was the Aether! Damned Crockers won't cry!

"So I adjusted his gift, and pushed hard. I _made_ him let go of it. I only had access to a small amount of Aether- just enough to alter Duke. All the Aether that was released was already in him, I just forced it out. I would have done anything. I had to make Duke cry, and I hurt him to do it. I would apologize, but I don't want to lie anymore. I would have cut _all_ my toes off if I had to. I wanted Duke to live. I thought I would be there when it was expelled. I thought I'd be there to collect the Aether safely, put it away."

Tears still crawled from her eyes.

"Nathan. I didn't mean to hurt you. Eustace Hansen. He had a disorder that I didn't give him, but was still my fault. My father had been looking for a cure for a pandemic that we suffered. I... I found out later that Daddy had been testing the medicines on people here.

"Eustace was the son of one of the subjects. The single success, actually. The medicine that saved me was tested on his father. The side effects were terrible for me, but so much worse for the Hansens. They hurt all the time. Everything hurt them like acid. Eustace's father killed himself!

"I felt so guilty. Why should a family die out in pain to save me? So I gave little Eustace the only gift I could."

Her eyes finally met Nathan's, feeling wretched.

"I made him numb."

She looked away from both of them. Her voice became a whisper. "Please stop hating me."

The men were silent, shocked by her confession. She wanted to run, to hide.

' _Please let me go._ '

' _You don't want to let them talk to you?_ '

' _And listen to them tell me I'm evil? I've heard it all before._ '

' _You said you'd trust me._ '

' _I knew I would regret that. Fine._ '

She was breathing hard. Nathan's hand touched her chin, tilting her face so he could look at her.

"How long have you been wanting to say that?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

" _Mara_. Why didn't you just tell us?" Nathan looked like he was trying to stare into her soul.

"I just did." She tried not to sound petulant.

"You've been taking the blame for the Troubles when you were trying to help people? Jesus, Mara. That's... awful." How typically Duke. She shook her head.

"People got hurt because of me. Intent... it's one of the things I always loved about Aether. Intent is relevant. Where I come from, Intent is nothing- we're praised or condemned based on the effect of our actions. My actions caused suffering. My very existence continues to cause suffering. Telling you doesn't negate the damage. Besides, I've told before. That's how I ended up in the Barn. Ask momma." Her laugh was humorless.

She felt Nathan's face coming close. She looked up, half afraid he was going to hit her. When his lips met hers instead, she felt strange. Young. Unsure.

His lips were surprisingly soft. He smelled wonderful, like cinnamon, leather and gun oil. When her hand hesitantly moved to his hair, he sighed into her mouth, making her shiver. Duke's arms went around her.

They kissed for what seemed like hours. She wanted to know what they were thinking. She squeezed the back of Nathan's neck gently. When he pulled back she gave him a searching look.

"I don't understand."

"Mara, can I ask you something?" Duke murmured against her ear.

"Uh... okay?"

"You remember the story about the tacks?" Her eyes flashed to Nathan.

"I remember."

"Nate didn't feel those tacks. Was what I did still wrong?"

She considered it, brow furrowed in thought.

' _Where is he going with this?_ '

' _Just answer him. Honestly._ '

"I... yes, it was wrong. You weren't causing physical pain, but emotional. But I don't understand, it's not the same thing."

Nathan smiled. "Intent matters."


	12. They Will Only Make Us Stronger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The kids set the frogs loose, so I have nothing again.
> 
> (Reviews will be rewarded. I accept prompts and requests.)
> 
> Song for this chapter is Probably Will by Concrete Blonde (They remind me of Mara. [shrug] I don't own them, just all their albums.)

The storm had passed, and she woke to bright Saturday sunshine.

Audrey stretched lazily, glancing at the clock. 12:13! They must have been tired.

She could hear Duke and Nathan in the living room laughing.

' _Mara, you want to go out?_ '

She felt the interest before the answer. ' _Where_?'

' _Well, I thought we could go shopping.'_

' _Really? For real clothes, or the cra... er... work stuff?_ '

Seriously, it was like asking a four year old to eat cauliflower.

' _Both. Our pants are getting tight, we're supposed to be noticeably showing within the next few weeks. We need stuff._ '

' _Are the boys coming?_ '

' _If you like. It's fun dragging them shopping._ '

' _We could invite them. But... can I get us dressed today? Please? Besides, wouldn't it be fun to surprise them?_ '

' _It couldn't hurt. Have fun._ '

* * *

Mara actually danced a little as she dressed. Audrey was impressed at how graceful she was.

It felt good, Mara being happy about something that no one was dying from. She even laughed when Audrey pointed it out.

She entered the living room slowly.

Deliberately.

She made an entrance.

When the boys saw them, it was totally worth the effort.

She had a tight, short black tank top, her midriff bared above low-rise jeans and heavy black leather boots with silver buckles. A couple of Lexie's rings decorated her fingers, and though her good eye was ringed in black liner, she'd listened to Audrey and kept their hair down, brushed gleaming and wild. The bruises made her look more interesting.

Mara had really wanted to put in Lexie's nose ring, but they decided not to push it. Nathan didn't like it, and Mara really was trying. That didn't stop her from slipping a dangly blue bellybutton ring in, which she'd gently reminded Audrey would be worthless soon anyway. They may as well show it off while they could.

She sat down in the middle of the couch between, but not touching the men. She reached to steal a grape from the bowl Nathan was eating, popping it into her mouth and moaning in appreciation as she chewed. Audrey was laughing.

"Close your mouths before you catch flies." She used the half-Mara, half-Audrey tone they'd adopted the previous night. In truth, it wasn't so much about incorporating Audrey's voice, but about losing the angry sneer that she used as a crutch. She wasn't angry though, not now.

She thought about that. When was the last time she hadn't been angry?

And what had made her happy?

"Wow." Nathan coughed, voice gruff. "You look... great."

"Really great." Duke confirmed. "Like, 'awesome outfit but can we take you out of it now' great."

Mara and Audrey both laughed. The voice had a funny vibration when they both used it at once.

"Thanks, guys. Anyone want to come shopping?"

"What are we shopping for?" Duke asked.

"Well, it appears these jeans are getting too tight, and the general consensus is that they won't be getting looser anytime soon."

"They look pretty good to me." Nathan was blushing.

"Why, Detective Wuornos, was that a compliment?" Her tone was light, but she was truly surprised. Nathan had never found her attractive. Not unless he'd thought she was Audrey. Yesterday's kisses had been lovely, but she hadn't lied to herself- he had kissed her because he was trying to reward positive behavior. Just like training a dog. It had nothing to do with attraction. A compliment was unprecedented.

"It is. You look beautiful."

...And the bravado was gone. She was suddenly just a shy girl who wanted approval.

God, what were these people doing to her?

"Well. Thank you. Audrey... she let me play. We left the nose ring out for you, though."Oh god, she was stammering again! She was as bad as Duke anymore. She was getting soft.

' _Soft is okay when you're with your lovers, remember?_ '

' _So you keep saying. That doesn't make it easier! I feel like I need to pass Nathan a note that just says "Can you ever like Mara?" with two boxes to choose from. He's probably just being nice to me for your sake._ '

' _Give it time. I'll prove it._ '

' _You're an insufferable idiot. Can we go now?_ '

* * *

Much to Mara's dismay, Nathan had to pull over halfway to Bangor when the morning sickness hit her hard. She hadn't eaten anything but that stupid stolen grape, and her body was punishing her. She squatted at the side of the road, not wanting to kneel in the dirt, and she retched for a full ten minutes. She couldn't even catch her breath in between, she was getting low on oxygen.

Nathan was holding her hair and rubbing her back. Duke had appeared with a bag of some kind of ginger candy, slipping a motion sickness bracelet onto her wrist.

' _Who named this? It's hardly ever in the morning!_ '

' _Agreed. We should sue for false advertising._ '

' _Shit!_ '

' _What's wrong?_ '

' _I forgot the stupid pills._ ' The gagging had made her face ache at first. After 10 minutes of it, her eye and cheek were burning like fire. Mara shielded Audrey from it- the hypersensitivity was Mara's problem, and she didn't want to look weaker than she already did.

' _We can go back, don't worry. Tell Nathan._ '

"I'm fine." Mara finally said, putting her hand on Nathan's arm to steady herself as she stood. She was surprised when he wrapped his arm around her waist, his fingers stroking her skin. She couldn't help but rest her head against him.

"Nathan?" He looked at her, head tilted in a question.

She couldn't do it.

"Do you mind stopping at the next gas station?"

* * *

She and Audrey talked during the drive. The boys bickered about sports.

' _Audrey_?'

' _Mara?_ '

' _I think we need to talk about William. We should have a plan._ '

' _How about telling him to get lost?_ '

' _Didn't you try that the first time?_ '

' _Yes. But that was coming from me. Won't he listen to you?_ '

Her stomach rolled. She sipped at her ginger ale, willing the Tylenol she'd grabbed at the gas station to stay down.

' _No_.' Mara finally responded. ' _He won't listen to me._ '

' _We can't hurt him without hurting us, right?_ '

 _'No. He..._ ' Mara faltered, unsure if she should reveal more. She'd trusted these people with so much already.

' _Mara? Talk to me. We're in this together. All four... all five of us._ '

' _He used to... control... me through the bond. Because I was hypersensitive and he wasn't. He could pinch himself, slap himself, hit walls. Things that didn't bother him at all, but would be agonizing for me. He thought it was funny, sometimes. Later he said it was because I did my best work under "proper stimuli"._ '

Her stomach flipped at a bad memory. "Nathan, pull over." Mara grunted, hand tight against her mouth.

She counted the seconds to distract her from the blinding pain in her face. 438 seconds.

She staggered a bit when she stood, and felt Nathan holding her up. He opened the door to the Bronco for her. Duke was looking for something in the back.

"Sorry. Thanks. Is there any ice left in your cup?"

"No. Are you in pain?"

"It's nothing. Just lost my only Tylenol." She tried to laugh. It sounded strangled.

"You need your pills?"

"No, it's fine. I forgot them anyway. I'll be fine."

He smiled his sweet, boyish smile.

"That's why you have me." He reached into his pocket and gently rattled the bottle at her, still smiling.

She threw her arms around him, hugging him hard and kissing his cheek. He blushed adorably.

"Thank you." Mara whispered gratefully. She immediately shook out two tablets and tossed them back with her ginger ale.

Duke held up a sleeve of crackers. "A-ha! Sneaky bastard tried to hide. Duke Crocker always gets his quarry!" He handed them to her with a flourish, like it was fine wine instead of soda crackers. She stared at her hands. Bottle in one, crackers in the other.

They had done this for her- for them. Mara already knew they'd do anything for Audrey. But Nathan knew Audrey wasn't hurting. They'd both assured him of it. So the medicine was for Mara. Nathan had thought about what Mara might need during the day. She sat and buckled up, deep in thought.

These people. Though it pained her to admit it, they were good. Genuinely good. They hadn't done anything to deserve the anguish she'd put them through. They deserved to be happy. Safe. They should raise her baby in security, knowing nothing was coming for them.

_She didn't want William to come._

The realization was massive. She had prayed for him to come back. He would save her from this prison. They'd continue their work.

She didn't want that now.

What she wanted was to stay here, with these people who treated her like something more than just a tool. She wanted to sleep between them, sharing stories with Audrey in the dark. She wanted to be part of a family again- even if it meant being the weird step-kid they hadn't planned. She wanted to watch them play with the baby.

The baby.

William was dangerous on a good day. When he found out that Mara had slept with Duke, her punishment would be terrible, but that baby... William would see it as an abomination. His wrath was well hidden behind friendly smiles and a gregarious demeanor, but it was strong, cunning and deadly. He would never forgive her for being with another man and he would destroy any evidence. An innocent child.

She was going to destroy them against her will.

The thoughts spiraled, getting darker. Horrible possibilities flipped through her head, each worse than the one before. Picture upon picture. Her breathing sped up, panic threatening to overwhelm her.

' _Mara, stop. We won't let that happen._ '

' _And how do you plan to stop him? You have no idea what he's capable of, what he-_ '

' _MARA! Shh. Look around you. Do you believe he's stronger than us?_ '

' _He doesn't have to be. He can hurt you through me, through his connection to me._ '

' _Then we sever the connection._ '

' _I don't know how._ '

' _We can talk about it tonight. Come on, look- we're parking. Just enjoy the day. Trust me._ '

' _I heard that "trust me" was Aramaic for "bend over, here it comes." Look it up sometime._ '

' _Clothes, Mara. You get first pick._ '

' _... fine_.'

* * *

Eventually, of course, they found themselves in a baby store.

Subconsciously, that may have been the destination the whole time.

They wandered, fascinated by the sheer quantity of products available. Dozens of types of strollers, car seats... it extended forever.

' _Where I come from, baby technology offers us cloth diapers, slings to wear the baby, sleeping next to the baby and breastfeeding. Look at this stuff! Seriously, who needs wipe warmers?_ '

' _Oh my god, my yearly wardrobe in the orphanage probably cost less than one of these things. And they took temperatures with the backs of their hands._ ' Audrey agreed, looking at a rack of fancy baby thermometers.

They were silent for a moment. Mara was holding a sleeper that said "Daddy's First Mate" with stick figure sailors dancing on the front.

' _I want to get it all._ ' Mara muttered.

' _Yup_.'

* * *

They drove back to Haven, stopping to eat at The Rope Loft, a nice place with outdoor seating- Duke insisted that it was bad luck to eat in your own restaurant on your day off. On the way in, they ran (almost literally) into Dwight, who was leaving.

Mara didn't think; just jumped up and threw her arms around his neck, trusting him to catch her. She hugged him more tightly than he had thought possible.

"I am _so_ sorry about everything, but especially Lizzy. So, so sorry. She was a Paladin, and deserves to be honored as such. She was beautiful. Thank you so much for your service and your sacrifice."

She uttered the words in fervent rush, the actions ahead of the thought.

She was wrapped around him when she remembered how she looked. She hadn't disguised her voice. Hadn't thought at all- just seem him, remembered his daughter and desperately wanted to apologize. Hell, she was screwed anyway. She kissed his cheek, then carefully slid down his body and stepped back. She ducked her head, fiddling with her rings. Nathan and Duke stood tense, waiting.

"Audrey?"

"No. I'm sorry. It's not permanent, I'm not sticking around or anything so don't worry. I just saw you and wanted to say something. I remembered some things."

Dwight looked over her head at Duke and Nathan. She didn't know what he saw there, but after a moment, he closed the gap and hugged her in return.

"Thanks, Mara. That means a lot."

"If you ever want to hear about how your Gift... oh. Right. Your Trouble..." -she looked disturbed- "how it started. Let me know. Or them. Ok?"

He must have trusted their boys. "Thank you for that. I would like that very much."

* * *

They were finally seated, outdoors overlooking the docks. No one had mentioned the encounter with Dwight and though Mara was surprised, she was grateful. She felt like she was doing some 12-step program she hadn't signed up for. She couldn't even blame Audrey.

They had all ordered and they were waiting in companionable silence. Duke had his arm over the back of his chair, the glass of his beer bottle shining emerald in the light of the setting sun. He gestured with it as he spoke.

"So, the baby. If I can release the Aether by crying now, how will that change the Crocker c-Gift? Will that mean he could get high over and over from the same Troubled person? Are all the Troubles my family absorbed still there?"

Mara was staring at him, her face half exasperated.

"What? Is there something on my face?"

Nathan was watching her too. "What is it Mara?"

She squinted, nose curling just slightly as it only did when she was revealing something personal and was still thinking about what to say.

"I don't think the baby can be Gifted. Not the way you're thinking. Look, whatever I'm about to say, no lame science jokes. I'm not any more or less educated than any of my peers. But I'm a personal expert in Aether.

"Ok, look. The Gifts. They happen when activated Aether hits a target. Aether forms this kind of coating over the nucleus of the cell. Aether can't stick again. You can't safely contain multiple gifts in one person, which is why Duke is so unique. His family is much smaller than it should be... despite Duke's valiant efforts." Mara gave them a wry smile and patted her belly.

"It's why I was able to- you call it 'Whammy' and it's an apt name- you the way I did. I didn't add a gift, I altered the coding to make the existing gift adhere to the original purpose. The Aether that you expelled spread damaged, mixed up gifts, because your body was already overloaded and it wasn't able to fully purify. Now you're empty of stored Aether, the gifts are gone as well, and anything you take in from now on will process correctly- and you don't need to kill to do it. Once you absorb even a few drops of blood, you'll take the Aether, and thus the gift. You couldn't get a high off them after that."

She shifted, stretching her neck and back as the waiter settled their food in front of them. She thanked him sweetly and his face turned red. Shaking her head, she turned back to her men.

"That in mind, I'm still in the mix. Sorry. But because of the treatment that helped me when I got sick, Aether is part of my genetic makeup, so new doses can't affect me. That's why I can activate and use Aether, but am immune to the gifts.

"In essence, I convert dormant Aether into active Aether internally, translating it into a gift, while Duke is an Aether recycling plant; taking in polluted Aether and scrubbing it, then releasing it in Activated form.

"The point is, genetically any offspring between us will almost certainly be like me- immune to the gifts themselves, but able to activate Aether and create gifts. Ideally, there's a distinct possibility the baby will also be able to access the Crocker Gift- absorbing other gifts and recycling the Aether- which would be the best thing of all. Someone who can give gifts _and take them back_. That's the point of everything."

"What do you mean, 'point of everything'? I thought there was no point, that it was all to cause chaos and pain."

She jerked like Duke had slapped her. She cleared her throat, trying not to sound sad.

"I see why you would think that. You and Nathan have lost more than anyone because of me. But no, that wasn't the point."

She held her head high, spine straighter than usual, obviously repressing tears. "I was here doing service in lieu of confinement on my father's behalf. Community service."

The men continued to eat in silent contemplation and Mara pushed her food around the plate. The owner had made her something special to thank her for helping her friend Mrs. Dankworth. Fresh fruit, cottage cheese and a chunk of warm banana bread with fresh honey butter. It was wonderful on her empty stomach, but she'd have to bring most of it home.

She was thinking about Duke's belief that her gifts were meant to cause chaos and pain. She understood why and she didn't blame him at all, but it made her think of what could have- should have- been.


	13. Welcome to the New Age

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I suddenly bought the show, I'd tell you. And Duke would get a lot more love.
> 
> Song for this chapter is Radioactive by Imagine Dragons
> 
> This chapter is different than the one posted on ff, we'll just call it an Easter Egg.

The rain was back on Sunday. Duke was downstairs finishing payroll when she woke up. Nathan told her he'd been called in for a few hours, but insisted he didn't need her help and that she should enjoy her day off.

In retrospect, that was probably a sign. She had a very, very bad history with time off.

She decided it would be a good day to cuddle up with Duke and watch movies. She made a pot of tea, wishing it was coffee as she ate a cup of yogurt and wandered around the kitchen.

When Duke came back up twenty minutes later juggling a huge box in his arms, she was immediately suspicious.

He looked deep into her eyes, then smiled.

"Good morning Audrey! Did you sleep well?" He kissed her on his way past, placing the box on her living room floor. She watched his progress with narrow eyes.

"What's in the box, Duke?"

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like I'm a bad man here to steal your candy."

She squinted at him. "Did you intend for that to sound dirty?"

"That depends on how well you do in class." He smiled. "I got you a present."

She perked up, curious. He handed her a stack of folded clothing. "Go change, Audrey. And no complaining, you promised."

"I never promised not to complain about it!"

"Go change. Shoo. I gotta set up."

She muttered unintelligibly as she headed for her room. Why had she agreed to this, anyway?

She dressed quickly, but looking at herself, she wondered if the clothes were for her or for Duke.

He'd given her a black sports bra and tight, stretchy leggings. She hadn't noticed her body changing, but she was up a full cup size from the pregnancy. She wasn't a vain person, but she could still appreciate the change in her appearance. She pulled her hair up into a loose bun and headed back out.

Duke had set up two mats on her floor. She groaned internally, reminding herself that she'd already agreed to do this. He was shirtless though, so at least she had something to look at.

They stretched out together, and then he started the movements.

Cobbler's pose. Awkward chair. Downward-facing Dog. She concentrated, following instructions. She even managed a successful Crow pose, which Duke was pretty damned impressed with.

Duke was ridiculously patient, helping her move her body, correcting her occasionally so she wouldn't accidentally hurt herself.

He was so graceful. Every movement was smooth and controlled, she watched the way his muscles stretched, admiring him.

Cobra pose. Child's pose. She was holding her own, but she was surprised at how much work it was. It looked so smooth, even the difficult poses seemed slow- more about contortion or focus than hard labor. So why the hell was she sweating?

They'd been at it awhile when Duke introduced a new pose; Chakravakasana.

The blonde was moving onto her knees, slightly out of breath as she asked "Why doesn't this one have an English name?" She arched her back, copying Duke.

"It does. They all do."

She moved with him, waiting for him to continue. When he didn't, she said "Well, what's this one then?"

He mumbled something she couldn't understand.

"What?"

He mumbled again.

"Duke, I can't understand what you're saying."

"Cat-Cow stretch!"

She froze, butt up in the air. "Cat-Cow stretch?"

"Yes, Audrey."

"Is that some kind of pregnancy joke?" Her tone was soft, yet deadly.

"No! Of course not! I would never compare you to... the pose is designed to prevent back pain and open up the pelvic girdle to-"

"Oh, so now I need a girdle too?" She sounded harsh, almost mocking.

"What? No! That's not what I meant! I-"

She couldn't do it. She collapsed in a heap, laughing so hard tears were running down her face. She rolled around on her mat, clutching at her stomach as she laughed hysterically.

"What are you laughing at?" He sounded so confused it made her laugh harder for a minute. Every few seconds she would start to speak, and she'd immediately dissolve into laughter again. She breathed deeply, trying to relax.

"Audrey got bored about 30 minutes back. I was just messing with you." Mara grinned at him, no longer pretending to be asleep.

"Oh, very funny. You're a regular comedic goldmine. Come here, you."

Duke pounced on her, fast as lightning. His arms made an iron cage around her and he tickled her sides, making her squeal.

This was something Mara didn't understand. Since she'd been cured- the vast majority of her life- she had suffered from the Hypersensitivity. She'd learned coping techniques, and the other personalities never used Aether, so they'd never stirred her or the pain. She knew she still had the Hypersensitivity. Her encounter with Duke proved that. But though the feelings were hard to control with him, he never hurt her the way other things did. Nathan hadn't hurt her when he kissed her, either. The sensations were overwhelming, frightening even, but not negative- not painful.

Being tickled should be unbearable. Torture.

But she was laughing as she fought, her throaty voice not carrying even a hint of pain. It was like magic.

He backed up, still on his knees, smiling.

"So you wanna play? Let's see how much you like yoga, Mara." He crawled up against her, pulling her to her knees to face him, their bodies almost touching.

"Camel pose." He said the words gruffly, bending forward, gently arching Mara back.

"Keep your hips straight against mine, now slowly-" his hands slid down her arms to her wrists- "reach back and put your hands on your feet."

She complied silently. He pulled her to her feet, trailing his fingers across her hip as he came to stand behind her. He pressed her forward, moving her until her hands were on the floor in front of her feet.

"Half forward bend."

She was breathing hard, sweating lightly.

"Like this?"

"Almost." He put his hands on her hips, gently guiding her into a better stance.

"Now Dolphin pose. Keep your feet here, this far apart." He scooted his foot between hers. His hands went to her hips. "Now lean forward until your head touches the floor. Place your arms flat like this."

His whole body was bent around her, his hips against hers, as he eased her into the pose. Her heart was thudding erratically, and her muscles were very tight. She felt like a piano wire, imagining that if he ran his fingers along her she would make music. She panted slightly, less from exertion than adrenaline.

"Now come back up into a Sun Salutation." He pressed flat against her back, hands spread across her stomach and upper chest, fingertips brushing her throat.

Mara felt strange, as though her blood were boiling without heat.

"What now?"

"Now..." his lips were touching her ear, his voice a deep rumble that made her shiver, "we roll up our mats. Good class! You're pretty good at this, we'll work on some more challenging poses on Tuesday."

She stared at him, eyes wide and bright, cheeks flushed. She was utterly bewildered.

' _He's teasing you, Mara. It's seduction. He's doing it on purpose._ '

' _Oh. Well. Can I win?_ '

' _Do exactly what I tell you._ '

Mara smiled. "Sounds great! This was fun, thanks." She stretched up on her tiptoes, arms reaching for the sky, and arched her back, groaning loudly. "I'm sure I'll be _sore_ tomorrow."

She turned away from him and bent over to roll up the mat, ass up in the air as she fastened the clasp that held it shut. She didn't look at him as she spoke, but moved carefully, sensually.

"I'm going to take a shower. Be out soon."

_'5, 4, 3, 2...'_

Duke's arms wrapped around her from behind, halting her progress. He was kissing the back of her neck.

Mara spun in his arms, reaching for his face. She held him there as she kissed him, small fingers moving rapidly over the planes of his face, memorizing as she went. Strong jaw. Soft lips. The tickle of facial hair. The slope of his nose.

She backed him toward the couch, climbing into his lap when his knees hit and he sprawled back. She continued to kiss him, studying him the whole time.

' _You've never actually been with Duke._ ' Mara realized.

' _No. We came close once, but... no. He's only been with you._ '

' _Your turn.'_

With that, Mara pulled back, into a spectators role, leaving Audrey, unprepared, straddling Duke.

'Mara!' Only a ghostly chuckle answered. Audrey tried to catch her breath. She hadn't expected this.

Duke blinked. "Audrey?"

"How could you tell?"

"I just know. Is this okay?"

"Um. Yes. Yes, it's okay. We only just realized that you and I have never..." she trailed off, embarrassed.

"And let me guess, Mara thought we should fix that?"

"Yeah."

"What do you think?"

"...I think it sounds like a great idea."

 

Smiling, Duke ran his fingers through her hair, over her neck, down her spine. Audrey shivered as goosebumps rolled over her and her muscles clenched. She wound her fingers around Duke's neck and leaned in to kiss him.

Dear gods. He must have been holding back in Colorado. If he'd kissed her like  _this_ there's no way she would have been able to stop.

There was no fear or desperation in this kiss. He was calm, confident of his place with her now. 

Confident Duke was sex made flesh.

His strong hands rubbed her low back, releasing tension she didn't even know she'd been holding. Like some Vulcan nerve pinch, her body went slack as he massaged and she melted into him. 

"You like that?"

"Mmm."

"What else do you like, Audrey?" His voice was low and raw, like fingers against her, inside her.

"My throat." She managed to murmur.

He pulled her hair back gently, exposing her throat. He brushed his soft lips against her pulse and she moaned. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, pulling him closer. He kissed and sucked gently. Maybe too gently. She whimpered.

"Tell me, Audrey. I want to know what you like. I want to _hear_ you."

Her muscles clenched hard at his words, and the fire burned away her shyness. She pulled back, yanking off the sports bra, then pulling Duke's hands to her breasts.

"You wanna hear me? I want to _feel_ you.  _Hard._ "

He gasped, and she smiled, feeling powerful.

She scraped her nails down his abdomen to his waistband, tugging. He raised up under her for her to wrestle the pants out from under him, pressing his erection against her at the same time. She almost forgot what she was doing, but her body didn't forget. She yanked the pants off and ground down against his erection.

He groaned, flipping her under him on the couch so he could finish stripping her. He'd seen Audrey naked before he'd seen her conscious, so he knew what her body looked like, but having her beneath him, awake, aware and hungry, he got his first real look at _Audrey Parker_.

He bent to kiss her shoulder and collar bone, tracing his lips down her sternum before sucking one tightened nipple into his mouth. He nibbled, just enough to hurt, and she writhed, wrapping a leg around his hip, digging her nails into his back. His hips rocked, brushing himself against her over and over.

"Duke!"

"Hmm?" he hummed, her nipple still in his mouth. It made her arch.

"Inside me, Duke. Before I accidentally hurt you."

"Ohh, but I don't mind pain, Audrey."

She groaned, scratching his back hard. She brought her other leg up, locking him against her.

"Duke, please." 

He pushed into her. She felt over-full, her eyes wide as she looked up at him.

"Wow."

He chuckled, the vibration travelling through her body, and she grabbed his face, drawing him down to kiss fervently as he moved within her. She bit his lip, and he ground harder against her.

Oh, yes.

"Harder." She breathed.

He was obliging; pounding into her as she scratched and bit and pinched, trying to pull him ever closer, she just wanted  _more._

"Duke! Duke, there!"

He adjusted his angle, driving deeper as he felt her start to stiffen. Just having her in his arms, wanting him, saying his name- after so long being hopeless, just seeing her like this was enough to send him over the edge, and he kissed Audrey, swallowing her ragged cries. He rocked inside her until the spasms faded, then pulled out gently, with a long, promising kiss.

* * *

 

They talked while Mara slept. She told him everything she'd learned.

"So, basically you're telling me that when Mara was still practically a child that William was what- experimenting on her with Aether?"

"And he was being seriously manipulative. Mara couldn't see it, she's too close. But he started trying to convince Mara that Charlotte didn't love her from the day they met. Something about what happened... the way he tricked her into showing she could activate the Aether, the look in his eyes when she hit him... I think it has something to do with their bond. Mara's telling the truth- she doesn't know how to break the bond. She would if she could. But I feel like the answer is there, we just haven't figured it out yet. We have to, though."

"You're worried?" He stroked her hip and tightened his arms, hugging her against him.

"Worried, yes. And Mara is terrified. I don't like seeing her this way. Having her here and happy the last few days... it's been crazy. It's like, once she started really talking, not just being angry constantly, that we... I don't know. Bonded? Connected? I don't know how to explain it. I just got used to her really quickly when she started talking, and now... it doesn't even feel strange, sharing a body. It's like we're supposed to be together, but still individuals, in equal control. For 500 years it's been Mara vs. whoever I am. Now, it's like we're working together, happily. Both independent but still able to function as one."

"Do you think it can work long-term? I know Mara's still scared we're trying to get rid of her."

"I know how she feels about things. Yeah, I think she and I can work long-term. It's probably the only way we do work. But we have to figure this William business out, because she's terrified. She's also still really unsure about Nathan."

"What do you mean?" He was trailing his fingers up and down her spine as he spoke.

"She thinks he hates her, or that he's only being polite to her for my sake. She really, really wants him to like her, but she's sure he never will."

"Maybe you should talk to him. Let him know you don't consider it cheating. I know he worries about the moral issues. Consent, voyeurism, being naked with someone new... it's stressful."

"Was it stressful for you?" She lifted her head from his shoulder to look at him.

"Audrey, you may share a body, but you and Mara are very different people. So yeah, I felt like a kid losing his virginity all over again."

She hugged him closer and kissed him. "That's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Now what do you say we force Nathan and Mara to go on a date?"


	14. Hit the Ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no. This is a long chapter. Sorry! (I also don't own Steven Universe, but I really wish I did.)
> 
> Song for this chapter is Bang, Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) by Nancy Sinatra

When Mara woke, she peered carefully at what she could see through Audrey's eyes. She was used to this- waking up trying to figure out where she was and what her body was doing.

Audrey was brushing her hair. It was still damp, so she must have showered.

' _Stop it, you're going to give us split ends. You shouldn't brush wet hair._ '

' _Well we're not leaving it like this!_ '

' _Just... comb it, gently. Once it's dry, then brush it. I used to brush one hundred strokes every night. Daddy used to love brushing my hair._ ' Mara couldn't help her wistful tone.

Audrey switched to the comb. ' _How did you like yoga_?'

' _It wasn't that bad. How about you? Did you have a nice workout?_ ' There was a teasing note to her voice that made Audrey blush.

' _About that- what's up with the disappearing act? I was totally unprepared!_ '

' _It had to be done. You two danced around for years. It can't just be me with Duke. He needs so much love, and I won't be around forever. You need to be there for him._ ' Mara spoke earnestly, an edge of desperation to her words.

Audrey put the comb down and stared into the mirror. ' _What do you mean, you won't be around forever?_ '

' _I mean... I'm not always around. I sleep. Duke loves you, so you need to get used to loving him back. That's all._ '

Huh. Mara was hiding something.

' _Well, we're okay now. So thank you._ '

She stood and walked to the closet, where a garment bag was hanging. Mara didn't recognize it, and that intrigued her.

' _What is that?'_

_'A gift. Duke got it for us. It's probably smuggled.'_

_'Have you opened it yet?'_

_'I was waiting for you to wake up.'_

_'Oh! Thank you. Can we open it now?'_

The dress was lovely- dusty periwinkle with thin straps. Mara wanted to touch it, to see if the fabric was as soft as it looked.

_'Well, what do you think?'_

_'It's nice. What's it for?'_

_'We have a date tonight.'_

_'You and Duke?'_

_'Mara, it's not me and Duke. It's us and our boys. Got it?'_

_'Yeah, yeah. So... are you going to look at it all day, or are you going to put it on?'_

Audrey laughed, slipping into the dress. It came to her knees, bodice draped sensually over her breasts and skirt flaring at her hips. She was surprised to note that it was backless aside from two thin straps that crossed against her shoulder blades and where the skirt wrapped. It was thin and soft, and Mara wondered if it was pure silk. It felt like it.

She stayed quiet as Audrey put on a little eyeshadow and lip gloss and eventually declared their hair dry enough to brush.

' _How brave are you, Detective Parker?_ '

' _Brave enough. Why, are trying to make a bet with me?_ '

' _Yeah. I bet you're too chicken to go without the panties. You can't wear a bra with this anyway. But I'm sure that's as far as you go. I mean come on, the dress only comes down to your ankles- oh, I mean knees, sorry._ '

_'What are the stakes?'_

_'I win, I pick the clothes for a week straight, no exceptions and no veto's. Nights included.'_

_'What if I win?'_

_'God, what could you want? You already have everything. You want me to be silent for a week? I could do that.'_

_'No... No, actually I want the opposite. If I win, I want you to talk. Whenever you want. Let me listen. We'll try to get through a whole week without secrets. I'll even try not to interrogate you much.'_

Mara considered thoughtfully. Was there anything she was absolutely unwilling to share with Audrey?

Worried about? Embarrassed by? Ashamed of? Yes, certainly.

Adamantly, totally against? What was the point anymore?

They couldn't think much worse of her than they already did. Besides, the look on Duke's face would be priceless.

_'Fine, whatever. We'll do the whole girl talk routine- if you make it all night.'_

_'All night, no panties without your express order, General.'_

Mara scoffed, waiting.

Audrey stared herself down in the mirror. She rolled her neck, squared her shoulders and ducked down to remove the disputed article of clothing, waving them around before putting them down as though Mara couldn't just _feel_ the absence.

' _Okay then, you kids have fun!_ ' Mara sang in a grinding discord to her generally sweet, velvet-rich voice. She settled back, content to let Audrey drive for the night.

Audrey chuckled, turning to leave the bathroom. Passing her bedroom, she stopped to affix her secondary holster to her thigh, rechecking the magazine as she did.

' _Nice. It's like a garter belt for cops. Sexy._ '

Audrey shrugged. ' _It's actually disturbing how often I need these._ '

She made her way downstairs, butterflies in her stomach. This was all her idea, and though Duke had been totally on board, she was a little worried. She was careful not to think about the details.

The Gull was closed; the usual crowd gone. The lights were low, candles flickering at one table. Soft music played in the background, and Audrey recognized the playlist from her personal library. She spotted her iPod sitting in the stereo dock.

It was perfect.

"Hello, beautiful!" Duke bounded out from the kitchen, grabbing her in a hug. She had missed Duke's hugs. He had been very hands-off with her from the time she'd split from Mara until the last week. She squeezed him hard.

"It looks great. Did you get ahold of Nathan?"

"Done. He's on his way. You look fantastic."

"This old thing? Yeah, someone smuggled it in for me."

"Whoever it was, he must be an excellent friend. With amazing taste."

"Better than you know. But secretly, I'm kind of into him."

Duke smirked. "You always do go for the weird ones."

Audrey kissed him, laughing. "What can I do to help?"

"Here, you finish cutting the tomatoes- do it just like this or the salad won't stand right."

"Well we wouldn't want salad that didn't stand, that would be a disaster," she moaned dramatically before switching to her normal voice, "what happened to salad bowls?" She cut carefully as she spoke.

"It's a Caprese salad, Audrey. That means sliced tomato, sliced mozzarella, and basil leaves stacked up under the balsamic. Food is just as much about presentation as taste. Especially to someone like Nate."

He came back, handing her sparkly red drink. She sipped gingerly. "Is that a Shirley Temple?" She asked.

"It is. I got sparkling cider for dinner, though."

"You think of everything."

"That's my job- oh! That's his truck. You ready for this?"

She smiled. "Of course I'm ready. That's not the real question though."

Duke was still laughing when Nathan walked in, shaking rain from his hair. They were watching him expectantly.

"Evening Duke. Audrey, you look... wow. That color suits you." He brushed a kiss over her lips as Duke pressed a beer into his hand, touching Audrey's back as he did so that Nathan would feel the action and not drop the bottle.

"Thank you." Audrey squeezed his hand. "How was work?"

He sat on a barstool. "Paperwork. Checking old case files before they go down to long-term storage. Been looking forward to this evening since Duke called."

Audrey narrowed her eyes at Nathan. "I thought you got called in on important business. That's why you went in on your day off."

"Chief thinks it's important."

"Cut the crap, Wuornos. You knew Duke was going to spring yoga on me today, didn't you?"

He had the decency- or the abject fear- to look apologetic. "You didn't need me for that, and it meant getting those files out of the office. Don't be mad."

Duke cut in, wiping his hands on a dishrag as he reached for his phone. He hit a button and then waved it in Nathan's face. "Just to show you what you missed, buddy."

Nathan was red, and he kept swallowing like something was stuck in his throat. He just kept staring at Duke's phone.

Curious, Audrey sidestepped so she could see the screen. It was her, from earlier. She was contorted, butt up in the air, loose strands of hair hanging around her face. She didn't remember Duke taking a picture. She eyed Duke wordlessly. She couldn't decide if she should be mad about the picture or impressed with his foresight.

Another glance at Nathan, still drooling over the phone, clinched it.

She smiled at Duke, leaning against Nathan. "You like that?"

He nodded mutely, still staring.

"Oh, I remember that one!" Audrey pressed closer to Nathan. Her body was flush with his, and she looked up at him. "That's Mara."

The look on his face was priceless. He flipped between embarrassed, aroused, embarrassed, worried... she laughed, feeling him exhale against her. Duke winked at her, heading back to the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, Parker, I-"

She put her fingers over his mouth. "Shh. We share a body, Nathan. We're part of each other. I want you you to be attracted to her, and I don't want you to be afraid it will upset me or something.

"You need to understand that being with Mara... it's not like cheating. I know this is an unusual situation. They don't really cover this kind of relationship in school. But we'll make it work. You need to be comfortable with Mara. I want that."

"I do too, I do. But Audrey, you're separate people- how could it not be unfaithful?"

"You and Duke are separate people."

"But me and Duke are with each other, too."

She chose her words carefully. "I can't exactly make out with Mara, Nathan. Yes, we're separate people. Kind of. We aren't two people, and we're not one person. We're... an experience. We spend a lot of time together. We're good. I'm not saying you should jump her right this second behind the bar or anything. Just... I want you to know that I want that, and that it's not cheating." She wrapped her arms around him in a long hug, shivering when he stroked her bare back.

Duke reappeared with a large tray with covered dishes. He set it on an empty table.

He handed Audrey a piece of paper with writing all over it as he pulled out chairs at the corner table. "Why are there only two settings?" Nathan asked.

"I have plans tonight. Made them weeks ago, and the book club really has nowhere to go but the _Rouge_."

"Is that the book about less-than-legal poker games? I think I read it."

"Very funny, Officer-Agent Parker." Duke kissed her cheek, then Nathan's.

"The food is plated, it's in the warming oven. Dessert is the lower rack, there are directions for finishing it on that paper. Are we good?"

She nodded. "Wish me luck."

As Duke ran through the rain to his truck, Audrey locked up- She'd been abducted trying to have a date before, she had no desire to repeat the experience.

Finally satisfied, she went back to Nathan, sitting next to him as they removed the lids from the salads Duke had carefully stacked.

' _You're not wearing panties._ ' Mara teased, her voice a lilting sing-song.

' _That's true. You did dare me, after all. Of course, neither are you._ ' Audrey replied agreeably.

"Nathan?"

"Parker?"

"You know I love you?" He smiled.

"Don't know how I got so lucky."

"Good. Then trust me. One evening." She leaned over to place a lingering kiss on his lips. He looked confused.

Suddenly, Mara felt herself shunted forward, jerking out of her relaxed half-doze to find herself in control of the body. Her eyes went wide.

' _Audrey!_ '

' _You guys need some privacy._ '

' _Get back here, I'm not ready for this! Audrey!'_

"Mara?" She gazed up at Nathan. She was mortified. He'd been expecting a date with his girlfriend, not being stuck with her. She really hoped her face didn't take a beating. The bruises were developing that sickly green color that indicates the beginning of healing. It made her feel ugly, and she didn't want more.

She felt guilty as soon as she had the thought. Nathan hadn't hit them on purpose, and while he hadn't exactly been gentle with Mara when they'd been at odds, he had never just hit her. He was better than that.

"Yes, it's me. I didn't know she was going to do that, sorry. She's ignoring me, she won't come out right now. Do you want me to go upstairs or something?"

"No. They obviously went to a lot of trouble to set this up. Let's eat."

Minutes passed in strained silence as they ate. The salad was good- it reminded Mara of something she'd had before.

"My father used to make something like this. He had a couple of sheep for milk and cheese. Enough that he could learn how to care for them. He was always trying to master new things."

"What was he like?"

"Strong. Smart. Brave. His whole career was about helping people." Mara looked at Nathan thoughtfully. "He was a lot like you, actually. Model citizen, pillar of the community. Then I got sick and he threw it all away to try and save me. Yeah, he was a lot like you."

"How old were you when he died?"

She cocked her head, surprised. "He didn't die. My father's alive."

"I'm sorry, I just assumed from what Charlotte said..." he trailed off, embarrassed.

"Oh. I should have figured she'd say that." Mara stabbed a tomato with a bit more force than necessary.

"She didn't, really. I just assumed because she said she couldn't help him." Nathan shrugged, wondering how to steer things back on track.

"Is that what she said? I wish I could talk to her in front of you. Make her tell the truth. That would make a nice change."

He was desperate to change the topic. "So what did you think of yoga?

Mara laughed, body relaxing. "It wasn't that bad. We played a joke on Duke though. First time I've driven that he couldn't recognize me. I wish I had a picture, it was priceless. I think he teared up a little- yoga poses have stupid names."

Nathan laughed, and suddenly they were talking. Nothing deep, but it was a big step for them. A timer pinged from the bar, and Mara checked Duke's list.

"I'll be right back, I have to..." she squinted at the writing, tilting it back and forth- "Either drizzle a reduction on duck or do something physically improbable that would probably ruin the health inspection. If I call for help... then it's not duck." She smiled at him and walked away.

Mara thought Nathan had a very pleasant laugh. It was warm and rich, far too rare. She'd like him to laugh more.

She followed the directions exactly, though she had to work to decipher the handwriting. Carefully, she carried out the tray Duke had set aside for her, intent on not spilling anything. She placed the plates in their settings, pouring Nathan a drink. They sat together in peace as they examined the food.

"So. The note says this is duck confit. I don't know anything about it."

She glanced at Nathan, steeled her nerve and took a bite.

* * *

 

Five minutes later, Mara was still bent over in the restoom.

There was a knock. "Mara? Are you okay?"

She took a minute to answer, out of breath. She moaned pitifully. "I don't think I like duck."

Nathan let himself in. Mara was huddled in a tight ball, only her toes and the balls of her feet touching the floor as if she didn't want to touch anything. Her face was mottled red and purple where it wasn't bruised. He rushed over, wrapping his arms around her to support her.

She turned her head away, trying to hide her face as she gagged again. Audrey and Duke go to the trouble of setting up time for her to get to know Nathan and this happens? Unfair. _Humiliating_.

Typical.

She breathed slowly, methodically pulling herself under control. Pushing herself up, she washed her face and mouth. Good thing Audrey hadn't gone crazy with the makeup.

She glanced at Nathan in the mirror. "Do you like the duck?"

"It's not really my thing. I'm sure it's great, Duke's a good cook. I just have... simpler tastes." He shrugged, looking apologetic.

"I'll give you $20 if you get rid of it before I come out there."

He disappeared. She was relieved to see no traces of the bird when she came back.

"Sorry about that. I can make dinner though!"

"You cook?"

"Why do you sound so surprised? I do know how to survive without modern technology. I was around long before microwave ovens, you know."

"Well forgive me. You must moisturize, I wouldn't have pegged you as a day over 190." The drawled, teasing response distracted her. He was playing!

"Yeah, yeah. Flattery will get you... well, everywhere, honestly." Mara shrugged. She started searching the kitchen, grabbing random bowls and utensils is chaotic ballet of movement.

Nathan stared, distracted.

Her hips swung and she danced as she moved around. Everything about her was contradictory- she seemed very young, but experienced. Chaotic but controlled. Relaxed but hyper-aware. He had never seen her like this. He knew Brazen Mara, Angry Mara, Spiteful Mara, Reckless Mara and he'd gotten glimpses of Sorry Mara and Scared Mara.

This was someone _new._

He would occasionally see sparks of other personalities- Sarah's accent slipped through a few times, there was at least one joke that just screamed "Lexie" and at one point the look on her face was pure Lucy.

Mara was all of these, yet somehow different. He wondered why Audrey was the only other present personality. Where were the others?

He didn't ask. He didn't want to break the spell.

Mara spun, metal bowl in one hand, whisk in the other, and the dress flared around her in response. She hummed almost too quietly to hear, dancing as she stirred.

He was momentarily jealous of the whisk.

She stirred almond flour into one bowl, then started incorporating the dry mix to the stiff egg whites. She glanced at him from under her lashes as she worked. "The real secret to any recipe variation is to beat the eggs. Better consistency."

"What are you making? Can I help?"

She smiled. "I can't tell, it's a secret. But would you see if Duke has any strawberries? Oh, and text him if you do, tell him I took them. Please, Nathan." It was hard getting used to saying his name. She hadn't liked to before, because it would make her chest ache, and she always got angrier when that happened. It would just take practice.

He nodded and disappeared, and then she showed that fancy kitchen what it meant to _cook_.

When Mara came out with another tray full of dishes, she had a wide smile. Nathan saw a quirk that looked like Audrey, and Sarah's accent bled through again.

"Okay, tough guy. One house special." She smiled as she sat, eager to see his reaction when he removed the cover.

"You made pancakes? Pancakes are my favorite!"

She laughed happily as he loaded a plate. "I _know_ they are, Nathan." She liked the idea that, just for a minute, maybe she'd blurred that line between them. She sat over her plate and watched Nathan, waiting for his reaction.

"You made these? That's unbelievable."

He approached the food like you'd approach a beautiful woman. He nibbled and bit and groaned in appreciation.

It was starting to be hard to sit still.

"Mara, these are the best pancakes I've ever had. How'd you do this?"

"We used to make them on hot rocks during weekends we were out camping. It was the biggest constant in my life- no matter what the kitchen looked like where we were, we still ate the same thing."

"I could eat these every day and die a happy man... of a heart attack at 52. What's in here?"

She cut a bite of her own food, smiling a little as she spoke.

"They're not bad for you. I learned how to cook to help my father when he got hyperlipidemia- uh, high cholesterol. He needed healthier food, so I just changed what I ate to match him. I know all kinds of recipes like this. I'm glad you like it." He mumbled a happy assent as she watched him eat.

She chewed thoughtfully, unable to take her eyes off of Nathan.

If this were anyone else, his behavior would seem borderline obscene, like a sleazy attempt at seducing her. The way he licked his lips, the look on his face- but it was Nathan, who would probably be more likely to try seducing a pet rock than her. He just really liked his food.

But the noises he was making! She watched his tongue dart out to catch a stray drop of syrup -the real, authentic, super-high grade kind that Duke hid behind the counter just for Nathan, though he hated admitting it- and he grumbled happily deep in his chest.

She squirmed.

It was almost funny. She looked up, he looked down. He looked up, she glanced away, afraid she'd been caught looking. He was making her stupid.

She wondered again what made Nathan and Duke so different from other people.

"I don't want to be rude, so if I say something wrong, I'm sorry. Can I ask you a question?" Nathan asked, glancing at her.

"Okay. Why not?"

"You and Audrey, you're separate people. Is it that way with the others?"

"Oh, you're wondering if Sarah and Lucy are rattling around in here. No. Just me and Audrey. I'm- sorry. I know you liked Sarah. She really loved you though, if that helps. Til her last day. I'm sorry I can't let you talk to her." Mara glanced down, cutting designs into her pancake. This was great. She'd been drooling over him and he was thinking of _them_. She was officially his least favorite personality and she was the one he was stuck cohabitating with. Stupid unfair universe.

"Why do you think that is?"

She sighed, still decorating her pancake with a knife and fork. "I can only make an educated guess. It could be because Audrey was the most recent, that they're all made of the same stuff so only one exists at once. I don't think that's it, though- not totally.

"It could be that Audrey was the most self-aware, the closest to understanding what she was. It could be that in knowing me, meeting me herself she made herself different. It could be because you and Duke split her from me with that rebirth gift or because of what Momma did. Personally, knowing Audrey... I think it was you and Duke refusing to let go. You kept her focused so she didn't fall apart." Mara shrugged, uncomfortable.

She felt embarrassed and strangely hurt, caught up in the idea that he'd rather have any of her fake personalities stuck with Audrey rather than her one true personality. She wanted to leave, let him finish the evening with Audrey, but Mara couldn't force her to take charge. She wasn't even sure Audrey was listening. It was frustrating.

"You should know, Nathan- I don't want to make you guys live this way. I'm sorry they tricked you tonight. They shouldn't be trying to force you to get used to me. I- excuse me."

She half-ran from the table, locking herself in the bathroom and flipping the sink on. She didn't want Nathan to hear her crying.

She muffled her sobs in her hands as she stood in the far corner of the restroom, as far from the door as possible while she tried to get herself calmed down.

Nathan was being perfectly polite, friendly even. He hadn't been rude, and it wasn't like Mara didn't already know how he felt about her, especially compared with Audrey and Sarah. So why was she so _sad_?

Eventually, of course, the crying made her sick. She heard Nathan knocking, and she wanted to throw something at the door, something that would say "I can't talk, you imbecile, because my body is trying to expel something I ate a thousand years ago, so quit telling me to answer you."

She hurled her shoe, projectile hitting the door with an unsatisfying, muted thud. She heard rattling at the door, like he was trying the handle. She'd been sure to lock it though.

The door rattled again, and she chucked her other shoe at it as she turned to be sick again.

Nathan appeared at her side, holding her shoes in one hand. He carefully pulled her hair back.

"How did you get-" she tried to wave him away as she was overcome. Seriously, could this be more disastrous?

"Got worried, picked the lock when I heard something hit the door. Didn't realize it was your shoe."

Mara squeezed her eyes closed, hissing when her face throbbed. She flushed with her eyes still closed, turning to wash her face and hands and rinse her mouth. She tried not to look at him, afraid the tears would start again. She was tempted to lash out and say something cruel, just to get some distance from the situation. She bit her tongue, hard enough to make everything go white for a moment. The memory of a cruel laugh and the words " _proper stimuli_ " echoed in her head.

She took a deep breath, ignoring the reflection in the mirror- she already knew she looked awful. She took her shoes back from Nathan with a murmured thanks and as they left the restroom, she stepped behind the bar, taking two pills from the small clutch she had stored there. She was tempted to take an extra, or wash them down with some bourbon, but she thought about the baby and refrained.

"You're hurting? Need some ice?" Mara shook her head, bemused. Poor, sweet Nathan. Always wanting to help people, so ready to martyr himself to end the "Troubles". Always trying so hard not to hurt people. Funny that he could hurt her so easily and not even understand.

"It's fine. It'll pass."

"I know how much it sucks explaining this kind of thing over and over, so don't feel like you have to answer, but you said Audrey couldn't feel it. How does that work?"

There was a nasty retort on the tip of her tongue. She fought the urge to say it, pinching her own hip to distract her. _Proper stimuli_.

She edged past Nathan, careful not to touch him as she returned to her seat. She didn't look at him as she spoke.

"I don't know if Audrey told you, but I have a medical condition. Acute Hypersensitivity. Like Ideopathic Neuropathy's evil twin. Appropriate, don't you think?" Mara's tone was dry, self-deprecating. She grabbed an orange slice, holding it up between them.

"See how the orange cross-section shows the delineation between each wedge in the orange? Imagine me and Audrey as separate wedges of one orange." She laid the slice carefully on a napkin, taking out her knife.

"So let's say Audrey is this wedge here, and I'm this one next to her. See how even though they have one peel, there are still thin membranes around each segment? Now, you can hurt the peel-" she cut a sliver from the rind as he watched her- "but that won't necessarily damage the wedges. But look- One segment gets damaged," she stabbed the Mara-wedge viciously, making Nathan jump, "but that doesn't mean the others suffer. I can keep pain from Audrey the same way. I compartmentalize it, because it's my problem, not hers."

She stared at the skewered orange morosely. Eventually she popped it into her mouth. The silence was oppressive.

Nathan looked around, trying to think of something to say. His eyes landed on her plate and he gave her a curious look. "Did you cut the Guard symbol into your pancake?" Nathan sounded almost scandalized, and she laughed.

"The guard symbol. I forget about that. They don't have any idea what they're doing."

"What do you mean?"

She grabbed his arm, ignoring the goosebumps that rose under her hand. She turned him, so the tattoo was facing up.

"You got this with ink and needles, right?" she let him nod before she continued, "But you're already Gifted. You don't need to have some hack follow a pattern on paper to show who you are. Trust me for a second?"

He nodded, and Mara scooted close, running her hands lightly over his frame. Feet, up each leg, over his arms- her touch was as light as butterfly wings, moving like a police pat-down but never actually patting. Her brow was creased, eyes squinted and mouth pursed in concentration. She slowed at his right shoulder, hands still hovering.

"Take off the shirt, Nathan." Mara ordered through clenched teeth. He complied, still looking lost.

She put one hand over the tattoo on his arm, the other hand spread over his shoulder, fingers stretched wide. She called to the Aether within him, felt it reach out to her in response like a puppy happy to see its owner. She let it link with her, directing it.

Nathan gasped. The tattoo was _burning_.

She kept one hand on his shoulder, but lifted the other from his tattoo, and he stared in disbelief as the ink faded, eventually disappearing completely to leave fresh, pink skin underneath, not even a scar to prove it had existed.

"Gifted people don't need man-made ink. Look at me." Mara stared into his eyes. "The Gifted are one. You protect each other like a family, because that's what you are. Linked by Intent and Aether, you belong. Say it, Nathan. Say you belong."

"I belong." Nathan couldn't look away from her eyes.

She smiled. "I'd ask you if you're willing to help protect Haven, but I think we already know, so let's skip that formality." Mara lifted her hand, eyes on his shoulder.

"Nathan Thaddeus Wuornos. Sentinel of the Void, son of Haven. Look."

He followed her pointing finger with his eyes.

There was a faint trail of black moving under his skin, darkening his veins as it travelled. It crawled up his arm to his shoulder, where it slowly formed a pattern- the circular maze- and four tiny figures popped up around it. It was like she had moved the tattoo with her bare hands. He gazed at her with wide eyes. "What happened?"

She rolled her eyes, some of her humor returning. "I told you, they don't know what they're doing. You don't go get this mark, it gets you. It existed long before the guard".

"Where does it come from?" Nathan was staring at the mark like he thought it might move again.

"It came from me." Mara held her left arm out to him. He took her hand, turning it back and forth. "No, you're thinking about it wrong. Your eyes won't tell you everything. You should know better than anyone that looks are deceptive. The Maze is like... a guidebook. A badge and a map and a compass all in one." She twisted her hand so her wrist was facing up. Before his eyes, the symbol flared to life, smaller than most of the tattoos he'd seen and outlined in golden fire. He could feel her pulse beating when he traced the lines.

"It's not ink, it's Aether. I drew this symbol from a vision I had when I was sick, when the Aether was first bonding to me. It was all I could see for days, maybe weeks. It showed up on my wrist after I gave my first gift. All of those people out there who wear this mark? They may as well write 'Mara was here'."

"I don't understand."

"Aether is a tool, but it's intelligent. It can sense itself, even in other people. It marks Gifted people, and if you learn to communicate with it, you can direct it- find other Gifted people, follow it through the Void, whatever." She nodded toward her wrist, waiting for him to look before she let the Maze fade back into her body.

"That's amazing. Will mine fade in and out too?"

"Eventually, if you learn to control the Aether inside you."

"Can you teach me?" He was so cute when he was excited. Too sweet for his own good, really. If she was smart she'd say no, have Audrey teach him. She still had to teach Audrey though, and time was a luxury she just didn't have. William wasn't exactly on their doorstep, but he would come eventually.

Nathan and Duke needed an advantage. They needed to be able to protect the baby.

Images skittered through her head; Nathan smiling and bouncing a dark-haired boy on his hip, a perfect, tiny replica of his father. Duke holding the toddler high, blowing raspberries on the boy's tiny belly, laughter all around them. Audrey holding their son, brushing his long curls that Mara would beg them not to cut.

Mara wasn't in any of these daydreams. She had always been proud of her intellect, and she knew they couldn't be safe from William while she lived. Their bond made her a time bomb. She couldn't stay with them even if they did decide they wanted her. Entertaining daydreams that she could stay here with them was foolish, and she wasn't a fool.

Wasn't the emotional pain worth it, if it meant they'd be safe? If they could teach her child when she couldn't do it herself?

"Yes, I'll teach you. We can start whenever you want." She stood and started gathering dishes. "I have to clean up though. I can't leave Duke's kitchen like it is."

* * *

They retired to Audrey's apartment after they'd cleaned up and locked the Gull.

Mara hadn't ever dated before, but she was pretty certain it was an abject failure, at least as far as romance went. On the bright side, if she was going to teach him about Aether they'd at least have something to talk about, and maybe she could even call him a friend. Maybe.

She curled up on one end of the couch, her body facing him even as she looked away. It was hard to stare at him for too long. She'd always found him attractive, and spending time with him only made her like him more- an unfortunate problem since the more Mara liked Nathan, the more he was able to hurt her. She'd tried so hard to stay distant from these people, and it hadn't helped. Audrey was meant for them.

So Mara was meant for the scrap heap.

"I'm not going to take Audrey away from you. I can see how much you love her, how happy she is. I'm not going to try to... take over or get rid of her or anything. You were right, what you said to her. She's my evolution. Better than me. She belongs here." Mara toyed with her fingers, twisting and untwisting the way she did when she was upset. Her voice was quiet, even in the silent room.

Nathan started to speak, and she held up a hand to stop him. "Before we say anything, I need you to keep it from Audrey. Probably Duke too. I can't tell you unless you promise- but I give you my word that Audrey will be safe no matter what. If you don't want to keep a secret, I won't hold it against you. But it will mean I can't answer all your questions when I train you. I can only talk privately when she sleeps, so you'll have to make up your mind." She dropped her hand, waiting for him to answer.

"I'm sorry you heard that."

"Don't be. People are more honest when they think you can't hear them. Besides, it's not as though I didn't know how you all felt about me. Will you promise?"

He hesitated. She knew he didn't like the idea of keeping a secret from Audrey. She was going to have to push harder. "It's about keeping her _safe_ , Nathan."

That's all it took to convince him. As he agreed to keep her secret, once again Mara felt a bitter pang of envy. People cared about keeping Audrey safe, about loving her. People had always treated Mara like a tool, an experiment; they cared about using her and controlling her.

She took a deep breath, looking away again.

"I know Audrey's safety is paramount to you, which is why I'm talking to you about this. William's dangerous, but he's coming here for _me_. I'm the risk, the weak link. He can use the bond to hurt me, and as long as I'm with Audrey he can hurt her. _I don't want that_."

"We won't let him anywhere near you."

Mara laughed, shaking her head. "Why am I not surprised you said that, Superman?"

Nathan blushed- it made her chest feel funny and her stomach clench- "Because that's what we do."

"Yes, it is. I need you to keep doing that, Nathan. You need to protect them. I've been wracking my brain trying to think of ways to stop William. He can follow me anywhere, because he knows how to trace the Aether. He can hurt me from anywhere, just by hurting himself.

"When he shows up, if he found me working with Audrey, living with you guys, pregnant- it's not something you want to see. The only way to ensure that is to _kill me first._ "

Nathan stared, stunned. That was not at all what he'd been expecting. His mind spun, trying to figure out what to say. His mouth kicked in before his brain. "Killing you means killing Audrey!"

Mara had been expecting it, of course, but it still felt like a kick to the gut. She swallowed hard and bit her tongue again, hoping the physical pain would counteract the emotional, leaving the stupid, traitorous tears to burn up inside her eyes before they could fall and expose what a weakling she was. _Proper stimuli_.

"No, not killing Audrey. Killing _me_. I know how. If I die, because of what Momma did- Audrey would get the body, the abilities, everything. She'll be fine. The bond will die with me, William won't bother you and you'll have _everything_. I have to teach her- and you, and Duke- to control the Aether first, so it won't be this week, but it's going to happen. When it does, you have to take care of them."

He had closed the distance between them, and suddenly her hand was in both of his. She stared at his fingers as he spoke. "I'm sorry, I meant... why does anyone have to die? I thought you were happy here."

She wanted to bark a condescending laugh, tell him she could never be happy like this. Her laugh sounded closer to tears though, so she didn't bother being cruel.

"Sweet Nathan. Always trying to help everyone else. You can't help me, Nathan." Mara looked into his eyes.

"As long as I live, he is a danger to all of you. _Please don't let him kill my baby_."

He looked so torn. She was sorry to lay this burden on him, but who else could she trust? Duke cared too much. At least she knew 100% that Nathan would put Audrey above her.

She still wanted to kiss him though. Just once while it was her and Audrey was asleep.

She leaned forward, curving her free hand around the back of his neck. He tasted like syrup. Her body gravitated toward him, and soon she was in his lap, his arms around her, kissing him like her life depended on it. Maybe it did.

Nathan picked her up, her arms around his neck, and walked her to the bed as they kissed. She was edgy, like she was going to jump out of her skin. Like she'd had a case of Red Bull. She wanted to feel, wanted to touch.

They were too emotionally overwrought for patience. Her hands were already wrestling with his shirt. When he put her down on the bed, she immediately began undressing him. His hands tugged at the shoulder strap on her dress, and she quickly slipped it off, forgetting her earlier discussion with Audrey until the air hit her- entirely naked except for a pistol in a thigh holster.

Oops. Stupid bet.

Deciding to just brazen through, she kissed his neck, bringing his hands down so he could take the damned thing off. He was amazingly dexterous, as long as she kept touching his hands.

Finally bare, Mara went to work; belt, fly, pants, boxer briefs. She scraped her nails up his instep when she removed his sock, amazed by the way he writhed. Seeing his sensitivity as a bystander had been one thing- getting to test it herself was something else entirely. She wasn't hiding, and he was very much aware of who she was. Duke and Audrey made damn sure of that.

She brushed her hair against him, intrigued by the fact he could feel it. She licked a small stripe on his chest and blew on it, watching as he shivered. She could play with him all day and not get tired. He was amazing. And he only responded to _her_.

Mara knew he hadn't been able to feel Audrey when they had split. This one, tiny area- though he shared it with Audrey, it belonged to Mara.

He sat up, pulling her astride him. He tilted her head to kiss her again, and they moved together. It was... beautiful. So corny, but how else could she describe it? He wasn't like Duke, there was no way she could ever confuse the two. Yet he knew her body well, moving with certainty and practiced ease.

He rolled them over so he was above her, shifting to get a better angle, and she wrapped herself around him, kissing everywhere she could reach. She felt the planes of his body as he moved, squeezed his arms, tugged his hair- she tried to fit a lifetime into a single night.

She couldn't catch her breath, and she felt her muscles contracting, that horrible-wonderful feeling of being torn apart building inside her. Mara was afraid, unsure she could handle it without Audrey's help. She grasped onto Nathan, calling his name as she started to shake, desperate. He buried his face in her neck and his arms tightened. The world was starting to rattle apart. Nathan was the only thing holding her together. His mouth brushed against her ear in a kiss.

"I love you, Audrey." Nathan moaned the words in her ear and her eyes flew open wide, feeling like someone had dumped icewater on her. Or acid. She imagined acid would feel similar.

Worse, he didn't seem aware that he'd said it.

She stayed very still, heart pounding. When he parted from her, she stood and headed for the bathroom without a word. She showered quickly, not even bothering to comb her hair, and threw on a pair of sweats that were still clean. Disgust and anger warred within her. Disgust at the thought of being used like some Audrey-sex-doll, anger that she'd fallen for it, disgust at herself for having enjoyed it-up until he said _her_ name, anger that she was in this situation at all... It was a long list. What had she been thinking? Why had she kissed him? He certainly hadn't called _Sarah_ by the wrong name.

She threw up the little she'd eaten, the disgust winning the battle against anger.

 

Not the war though. Mara punched the wall, heard a satisfying crunch and let the pain wash everything out for a few minutes.

She hadn't been angry in awhile. It was worse than she remembered. She _really_ wanted a drink. She took three of the pills instead. She waited a few more minutes, hoping he would just be asleep when she came out. She could end this awful evening and never, ever let Audrey force her out again. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

Asleep. Thank Gods.

She grabbed her phone to text Duke.

**-Coming back soon?-**

**-You're on a date, you shouldn't be texting.-**

**-Date is over. Still playing?-**

**-Yes. Want me to wrap it up?-**

**-No. Win big. See you.-**

She tossed the phone onto the table and made her way to the bed. She scribbled a note on a post-it, let it flutter from her fingers to rest on Nathan's chest, and curled up as small as she could on the farthest edge of the bed where she cried herself to sleep. Just four words on that purple square, the only ones that mattered.

 _My name isn't Audrey_.


	15. With Me or Without Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still isn't mine.
> 
> Just to clarify, since it was asked- Nathan knew who he was with. He just followed the time-honored human tradition of speaking without thinking. Lots of people have slipped and said the wrong name in that moment- imagine if the lovers looked and felt exactly alike. He messed up. (Why it's better not to be a talker in bed.)
> 
> Song for this chapter is Carry Me Away by... yeah, Concrete Blonde.

Audrey woke up with a stiff neck and insanely sore muscles.

She tried looking around, but her head would only turn a few inches. Her chest burned, back and throat ached, and the skin around her eyes and nose was chapped and red.

She'd obviously been crying. But Audrey had been asleep, Mara had been on a date with...

Nathan.

Audrey stretched, wondering how long she'd been curled up so tight. She looked around the room.

It was still dark out, and Duke wasn't home yet. The clock on her nightstand read 2:20 a.m. Nathan was sleeping, sprawled across the bed with a purple post-it on his bare chest. Curious, she scooted closer to read it.

Oh, no.

' _Mara_?'

There was no answer.

' _Mara! Talk to me! Please!_ '

There were no words, but she felt Mara rise. Felt the crushing misery for a moment before Mara had it hidden away again.

' _Mara, say something._ '

' _I have nothing to say. Glad you're awake. Goodnight._ '

' _Mara_?' Audrey swore.

She went to the bathroom to look at herself. Sweats. Tangled, damp hair. Obvious signs of tears. Haze of narcotics still in her system.

That coupled with naked, sleeping Nathan, a silent, unhappy Mara and that note- you didn't have to be a rocket scientist to get the idea.

She grabbed her phone, going to the porch to call Duke. "Hello Beautiful! You checking up on me again?" Again?

"Duke, it's me. Something's wrong with Mara. I think you should get here as soon as you can."

"Is she hurt? Is Nathan okay? Are you okay? Is _anyone_ hurt?"

"No one is injured as far as I can tell, but she was upset, crying. She won't _talk_ , Duke!"

"Stay calm, I'm on my way."

Audrey stared out over the water, watching the gleam of moonlight play on the waves. Every few minutes she'd call to Mara again, but there was no answer.

She shouldn't have left them alone. She _knew_ how Nathan could be. How many times had he hurt her feelings when she'd been playing Lexie? He was a sweet, brilliant man with a huge heart- but he had the social skills of a drunk wildebeest. Audrey clenched her hands into fists, gasping as her right hand protested. She could feel the sickening rasp of broken bones rubbing together. How had she missed that?

And what had Mara punched?

Tires crunched, a motor cut off. Duke was home. Still barefoot, she ran down the stairs to meet him, almost knocking him over as she ran into his arms.

"Duke, she won't talk to me, but she's so unhappy, and Nathan is asleep, Duke- look at me! I _woke up_ like this! Look at my _hand_!"

"Okay, okay, I'm here, calm down. Let's go inside so I can actually see you."

He wrapped an arm around her waist leading her upstairs. She stopped him at the door. "I'm pretty sure they had sex."

"Wasn't that kind of the idea?"

"Not like this. Come here." She let him kick his shoes off, then she led him to her bed, pointing silently to the note on Nathan's chest. He leaned over, tilting his head to see better.

She could practically _see_ the pieces connecting. Duke's head dropped to his chest, body wound tight like he was gearing up to hit someone. Audrey grabbed one of his belt loops, tugging him back with her good hand.

He nodded, resting his hand on her back as they went into the bathroom so he could examine her hand.

"Shit, Audrey- This is broken. What _happened_?"

"I'm pretty sure she punched someone or something."

His gaze darkened and he scowled. "That's my girl. We need to get you to a doctor."

"I'll get Nathan."

"That's probably a good idea. He does _not_ want to see me right now, I _guarantee_ that."

She threw Nathan's clothes onto the bed, reaching out to shake him. "Nathan, get up. _Nathan_."

She poked him, and his eyes finally fluttered, a sleepy smile on his face.

"What time is it?"

"Almost 3. I have to go to the Emergency Room. Get up."

"What happened? Are you sick or hurt?" He sat up, already in crisis-management mode.

Audrey held up her swollen, purple hand in front of his face and looked pointedly at the damning purple post-it that had tumbled to his lap when he sat up. "I was hoping you could tell me."

She watched him read the note once, twice. He looked so confused. On the third or fourth read-through, his face went pale and Audrey's stomach knotted. "So she didn't hit you at least. What happened?"

He looked so bewildered, it was hard to be upset with him. Especially when she was so busy blaming herself. He looked at her with wide eyes. "I must have said your name. God, I'm sorry. Can she hear me? I'm sorry, I swear I didn't mean to. I just- I know you're separate. I do. Shit." Nathan hung his head.

Audrey sighed and wished she could sit on the bed next to him. Every muscle in her body ached. "We'll discuss it later. She's not speaking at all, I don't know how calm her down when she won't talk to me. I have to get my hand fixed. Get dressed if you're coming."

Duke was in the kitchen, leaning on the counter. He looked like he'd shed a few tears himself. His shoulders were hunched, hands in his pockets. For a moment Audrey could see the angry teenager he'd once been.

She wrapped her arms around him. "I'll help her, Duke. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed her."

He hugged her back, resting his chin on her head. "I was right there with you. Let's get you fixed up and then we can help her together."

"Don't fight with Nathan. He feels terrible."

"He _should_."

"Duke, it was an accident."

"Bullshit. He shouldn't have touched _her_ if he wanted to be with _you_. It's not fair to her."

"I don't disagree, but please, Duke. It won't make it better if you're fighting with him. If you can't do it for me, do it for Mara."

"Yeah, fine. For both of you. But he _really_ fucked this up."

* * *

They left the E.R. at 5:45; Audrey sporting a cast with another prescription bottle in her pocket. The sky was aflame with the colors of sunrise, a thick blanket of fog hugging the ground.

She'd gotten a few strange looks, and had a nurse and a doctor ask her probing questions until she lost her patience, snapping that no, she wasn't being beaten, yes, she knew the signs of abuse and for God's sake she was a police officer- a hazardous profession. She was exhausted and irritable.

Duke and Nathan had been very quiet. The ride back to her apartment seemed endless. She watched Duke as he drove- his jaw clenched, knuckles white where he gripped the steering wheel. Occasionally a muscle in his face would twitch, and she just knew that he was trying not to start a fight with Nathan.

On her other side, Nathan was turning Mara's note over and over, as though if he looked enough, the message would change. When they got to her apartment, she preceded them upstairs.

She went straight to the bedroom, rummaging for work clothes in the closet.

"Audrey, what are you doing?"

"It's Monday, Duke. I have to work."

"Call in."

She sat down wearily on the bed. Duke sat next to her. Nathan stopped a few feet away, taking his jacket off.

Watching Nathan, she slowly, slowly moved her left hand back behind Duke, feeling his waistband for the butt of the gun he carried. He glanced at her when he felt her hand close around the grip, and she shook her head minutely.

A moment later, she leapt to her feet, Duke's gun trained on Nathan.

"Put your hands where I can see them!" she ordered. He raised his hands, eyes shocked.

"Whoa, whoa! Everyone calm down!"

"His tattoo, Duke!" Nathan glanced down at his arm just as Duke did. Like the strike of a viper, Duke dodged behind Audrey and jumped back up with her gun, also aimed at their partner.

"Wait, wait, I can explain."

Duke sneered at him. "Sure you can. Explain why Audrey woke up with a broken hand, Mara gone and gosh, you somehow got laser tattoo removal in one night. If you hurt Nathan, I swear to god I will _end_ you, I don't care who you are."

"Duke, it's me, okay? Mara did something, she- changed- the tattoo. Look, I can show you. I need to take my shirt off, okay?"

Audrey gestured with the gun, nodding for him to continue. He pulled his shirt off, angling to show them the new Maze.

"That's just great, buddy, but I know a whole bunch of people with that tattoo in a whole bunch of different places. Most of 'em are psychopathic assholes. How do we know you're not another Chameleon?"

"Ask me anything!"

"We already know that doesn't work!"

Things were rapidly spiraling out of control. Audrey didn't know what to do. Could there be another Chameleon? If it were, the tattoo wouldn't have moved. Same with the time Tyler was possessing Duke. She'd never seen a Trouble that moved a tattoo, though it made her think of Arla- her late daughter-in-law the Skinwalker.

She was considering cuffing Nathan until she could figure everything out, when she froze.

Mara was rising.

Audrey gasped, half giddy with relief, but never moved her weapon from Nathan.

' _Why are you pointing a gun at Nathan?_ ' Her voice was quiet, reserved. Not cruel like it once was, but certainly not the strong, velvety voice they'd gotten used to.

' _Thank god, Mara. I was afraid I'd lost you!_ '

' _That's something you should pray for, not fear. But you didn't answer me. Why the gun?_ '

' _His tattoo is moved, Mara. That's impossible_.'

"Audrey, what do you want to do with him?"

"Grab my cuffs." 

' _Audrey, stop. It's him._ '

' _How can you tell?_ '

' _Look at your wrist, Blondie._ '

Before her eyes, the Maze appeared on her wrist, right over her pulse point. She gasped loudly, drawing Duke's attention. She raised her wrist to him, taking her finger off the trigger. He stared, amazed. Then as soon as it appeared, they watched it fade away.

' _Can I talk for a minute? Not long._ '

' _Of course, please_.'

Mara lowered the gun, handing it back to Duke as she took his gun to return it to Audrey's (stupid, un-sexy, unlucky) holster. She breathed evenly, forcing her face to appear calm and distant.

"I made the tattoo disappear. It was offensive. Gifted people earn the mark, but somewhere along the line- probably right after Momma locked me up- they forgot how to use it."

She turned to Duke. "Will you let me show you? I know you're afraid of it, but it belongs to you. Can I touch you?"

"Of course, you can touch me whenever you want, Mara. You don't ever have to ask permission." Duke caught her good hand, pulling her into his arms. He buried his face in her messy hair and breathed deeply. He dropped to a whisper, lips against her ear. "I love you, Mara. Don't hide again." Duke kissed her softly and she kissed him back, the screaming agony dulling a little.

She ran her hands over him the same way she had with Nathan. She felt for the area the Aether wanted to appear, and she almost laughed when she felt it- right over his heart. Of course. Made of love, indeed.

She pulled his shirt up without asking, and he helped her yank it off. She looked into his eyes, smiling just a little as she flattened her hand on his chest, over his heart, reciting from memory.

"The Gifted are one. You protect each other like a family, because that's what you are. Linked by Intent and Aether, you belong. Say you belong, Duke."

"I belong?"

"You do. Are you willing to help protect Haven, and the people who reside here?"

"Why the hell not? Been working unpaid for years anyway. Yes, I'm willing to protect Haven."

"Duke Crocker. Sentinel of the Void, son of Haven. Thank you." She lifted her hand, and they all gathered to watch the Aether race to the spot she'd been touching, the maze and it's guardians springing up on his skin. Nathan found it just as amazing as the first time he'd seen it.

Duke was touching it, then rubbing it. He licked a finger and tried to smudge it. Nothing changed.

"Uh, Mara... this is cool and all, but I'm not in the Guard, they don't want me there, I don't want me there, and I don't think they'd appreciate this."

She almost laughed. Almost.

"It doesn't belong to them, it never did. They're not protecting Haven. If you don't want to see it though..." Mara swiped her hand over the mark, dismissing the Aether and watching it fade away.

"How did you do that?"

"Aether is intelligent. I just call it up, dismiss it when I'm done. I agreed to teach Nathan; you and Audrey will have to learn too."

"Will we be able to do things besides making the tattoo?"

"Yes, if you practice. You can ask Aether to lead you to other Gifted people, have it run diagnostic tests on your body- it's like nanotechnology. The microscopic robots they're trying to create. Aether works like those, but it's intelligent, not just programmed."

Mara walked over to the mirror- a few feet farther from Nathan- and huffed at her reflection. Her hair was a mess, and she'd broken her dominant hand, so brushing was going to be difficult. It was her own fault. She grabbed the brush, going to work on the biggest tangles.

Nathan cleared his throat behind her and she brushed harder. She had to remain distant. She'd originally planned to enjoy the time she had with them until it was time for her to go. That didn't seem feasible if she was going to love them- not when one could never love her back. She'd train him, she'd be friendly, but she'd never, ever expose herself like that again. Duke might be fair game- she wasn't completely sure anymore- but she could find out. Maybe make her last weeks or months mean something.

"Mara, can we talk?" She tried not to sigh.

"Is it about the Aether?"

"Uh, no. It's about earlier."

"I don't think there's anything to talk about."

"I do. I screwed up. I owe you an apology."

She was trying so hard not to react. It was taking everything she had to even _be_ here.

"I shouldn't have kissed you. It doesn't matter. You didn't tell me anything I didn't know." He started to speak anyway, so she raised her voice, anger getting the better of her. "I said it's fine! Fine! I don't care. You think I don't know what you think of me? Of course I know! I'm sorry my mother didn't kill me well enough that I stayed dead. But while I'm here? _This. Doesn't. Matter_. I have a job to do. Let me do it. We're adults. You don't need to be with me to be with them. I don't expect it, so please, I get it. It's better this way."

"Damn it, Mara! I screwed up! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to say anything. But you need to get it through your head- I don't want you to die! How could you ask me to let that happen? You don't have to die to protect the baby. We can find another way, Mara. We always do."

Mara hurled the hairbrush at him- it bounced off his chest and he didn't even react- and now she was really angry, completely focused on Nathan. "There _is_ no other way! _Are you blind?_ Did you not see what happened when you tried to shoot him? Pain doesn't bother him. You can't kill him without killing Audrey, and he would make us suffer first."

"I won't stand back and watch you kill yourself!" Nathan roared.

"You won't have to. I'm sure Momma would be more than happy to do it herself!"

They were inches apart, having both moved as they tried to shout the other down. Mara's face was tilted up as she yelled, wrathful and beautiful and alive. Nathan reacted on impulse; closing the last half-step and cupping her face in his hands, he kissed her.

Mara reciprocated enthusiastically for a few seconds before her brain caught up. She jerked back and slapped Nathan, panting. Damn him for being able to affect her like this!

As another hand grabbed her arm, she realized they'd forgotten their audience. Duke turned her to face him. He looked dangerously angry. "What the hell are you talking about?"

The fury disappeared, guilt and sadness taking over. She didn't want Duke involved. He cared too much. She knew he'd be hurt when she was gone, but she trusted Nathan and Audrey to make him forget her. If he knew ahead of time, he would just obsess about it and then beat himself up forever for not being able to save her. She shot Nathan a dirty look.

"Duke, I don't have a choice."

"What, you want to just give up? Roll over and die? What about us?"

"I'm doing it for you! You don't know what he'll do- to you for touching me, to me- think about the baby, Duke! You don't know what he's capable of!"

"Then it's time for you to tell me. Because I'm not going to stand back and just let you _go_." His voice broke on the last word, and there was a sheen of tears in his eyes.

Mara reached up, stroking his cheek. He leaned into her hand, and her defenses cracked. She wrapped her arms up around his neck, holding him. He didn't speak, just put his arms around her, but she felt a few tears roll down her neck.

"Do you really believe telling you will help?"

"It can't hurt. I'll take any advantage I can get."

' _Please, Mara?_ '

She huffed a disgruntled breath. Foolish, idiotic, stupid, sweet, loving people. They were imbeciles.

But they wanted to be _her_ imbeciles.

She turned to address them both. "Whatever. Fine. Audrey needs to call in though, so does Nathan. If you're staying, Nathan?"

"I'm not going anywhere. We're all going to figure this out. Together."

Mara shrugged. "I'll tell you what I know. You call the station for both of you, I need to change."

When Nathan walked away, Duke came up to her with the discarded hairbrush.

"You've got a busted hand. Can I brush your hair for you?"

She tilted her head, eyes wide. "Sure, if you want to." She sat on the bed, leaning against him as he carefully brushed the knots from her hair. Her eyes closed in bliss.

"Mara?"

"Hmm?"

"I know you're scared. Sometimes I am too, you know?"

"What are you scared of? That someone will find all the bottles of hair product you use?"

He laughed, warm and rich. "That too. But you scared me today. Please don't take off again. You gotta trust us to take care of you, too. It's not you against the world, Mara."

"You're right, Duke. It's us against the whole damn universe."


	16. Mindcrime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are love.  
> There will be a considerable amount of whumpage before this story is done.  
> Possible triggers for assault.  
> Song for this chapter is Operation: Mindcrime by Queensryche.

Mara and Duke spread out on the couch, Nathan taking the chair. Mara had a cup of tea, and she shook out two pain pills.

The sunny weather didn't fit her mood, so for the first time in centuries, she called up a storm on purpose. It felt incredibly good to stretch her abilities again. She stared out the window, watching the clouds she'd called gathering until is was dark and gloomy. The first rumble of thunder rolled. Better for drinking hot tea and telling horror stories.

Duke looked at her in shock. "Did... did you do that?"

"Yeah. Haven't done it in a long time, and this is better story weather."

"You're amazing."

"Flatterer. Audrey doesn't approve of me altering the weather, but she's already asking me to teach her. She's kind of funny. In a 'government issue' way."

Nathan spoke hesitantly, trying not to screw up again. "Is that something you could do before you got sick, or is it because of the treatment?"

"I honestly can't say for sure. I was very young when the pandemic hit. Daddy told me that I probably had the ability beforehand but that the treatment ignited it. It may have developed unassisted. There was already something freaky about me, it's why the treatment worked. If I hadn't had a genetic predisposition for it, the Aether probably wouldn't have cured me."

"Can you do other things? Is it like witchcraft? That would be _awesome_." Duke looked like he was already plotting, and it made Mara laugh- actually laugh- for the first time since Nathan's slip.

"Yes and no. Weather is easy. I have a gift for understanding people. Animals too. It's not witchcraft, really. What you call 'witchcraft' is just science you don't understand yet. I _have_ been accused of witchcraft though, back when I first came here. I miss torches and pitchforks. To the good old days." Mara raised her teacup to Duke, who was laughing.

Mara tried getting comfortable. Her body hurt everywhere, and though she was surrounded by people (even internally) she felt _lonely_. It made no sense- she wanted to stay away from Nathan- she was angry, hurt. So why did she still want him to sit on the couch with her and Duke? Worse, why did she want him to hug her? Was she really that masochistic?

She was absolutely used to fighting, and being blamed for everything from meteors to dog farts.

She was _not_ used to forgiving or making up. Practically zero experience.

She certainly didn't know how to instigate it.

Anxious, Mara scooted to the center of the couch, up against Duke. Barely looking at Nathan, she patted the empty space on her left, trying to make the invitation clear without having to speak. Nathan wasn't much more savvy, just staring in surprise.

Mara huffed, frustrated and embarrassed.

"Nathan, you can sit here. I don't mind, and... you'll hear better." She looked away, blushing.

Almost immediately, she felt his weight settle next to her. She exhaled in relief. Duke turned his body to face her, left leg bent and resting against the back of the couch, and he put his hands around her waist, pulling her back to rest against his chest. She brought her legs up, just barely pressed against Nathan as she cuddled up into Duke.

She didn't want them to fight about her, so she had to make them okay. The whole point, she reminded herself, was to make sure they would be safe and happy when she was gone. If that meant she had to deal with some pain and disappointment, she could do that. She could just play nice, take what she could get and not expect anything. She could do that for them and for her baby. Nathan could call her Audrey a thousand times- William would do worse. _Had_ done worse.

"So, you want a story. Did Audrey tell you what I showed her?" Both men nodded, and she was relieved.

"I guess I'll start from there then."

* * *

After that first encounter with William, he was around constantly. He followed Mara everywhere, watching her and asking questions about everything. He hadn't tried to kiss her again, and though he was always around, he didn't show any signs of being adversely affected by the Aether. For that, at least, she was very grateful.

He was obsessed with Aether, which he'd begun calling 'The Breath of Life'. He hated not being able to control it. He tried every day- he was constantly bringing Mara more orbs; she'd collected a large pouch that she kept hidden under her mattress. Each day he would bring more, and he would try again, but the Aether refused to make true contact with him.

Some days he would just pout sullenly, but some days he'd get angry, kicking trees, even trying to crush up an orb to mix with water, as though it was just paint instead of a living thing.

When she wasn't with William, she was with her father. Daddy had been keeping a journal of his experiments, which he was constantly updating as Mara discovered new abilities and new ways of controlling the pain. He kept the journal hidden even from Mara.

"Never leave a trail, Little Wing. We scientists get so caught up with documenting everything, and I can't stop now because we'll need this information for your future. I keep it safe, though. Never write down anything you can't hide, do you understand, darling?"

She'd nodded seriously. Her father was her idol- she would do anything for him. She cooked his meals, usually bringing them to his study, where he'd stop his work to spin her around in a hug and tell her she was his sunshine.

Mara observed her mother closely. William had pointed out (on many occasions) that Momma didn't seem very interested in Mara, or that Mara ranked pretty low on her list of priorities. She'd defended her mother, but she was starting to see what William meant.

Momma was always distracted, and she spoke less than usual, her mind obviously elsewhere. Sometimes, Mara's control would slip and a door would slam, a glass would shatter. Once Mara got caught talking to a cat. When these things happened, her mother would look at her like she _knew_ Mara was responsible. Like Mara frightened her.

She was afraid William might be right- that Momma _had_ wanted her to die in the pandemic. Momma kept a journal too, though Mara never tried looking. She mentioned it to William one afternoon as they fished off the harbor.

"You should try to find them. Read them."

"I can't do that, they're private. Besides, I don't know where they're kept."

"It wouldn't be spying, Mara. They're writing about _you_. You deserve to know."

"Even if that were so, I still don't know where they are."

"We'll look! I'll look for your mother's, you look for your father's. Didn't you say you could get Aether to find things for you?"

"Sometimes, yes. But that doesn't make it right."

"Oh, come on! Don't you want to have a little _fun_ sometimes? Mara, you need to lighten up, stop being so _good_ all the time."

He said "good" like it was a dirty word. She didn't like it. It felt like he was judging her.

"Fine. I'll try to find Daddy's journal."

She had it a week later. The Aether had led her to a loose brick in the cellar, the book tucked into the space behind. She'd studied it carefully, but it was all things she already knew. William was thrilled though, and refused to leave until he had read everything.

A fortnight after that discovery, William brought her her mother's diary.

Mara read slowly this time, the words and tone so different than she was used to that she had to reread passages multiple times. The first thing that really hit her was way her mother referred to her. More often than not, she was referred to as 'the subject'. There were pages about Mara's behavior and health, most correlating with issues that spawned from her cure. There were terrifying notes about needing to turn her father in for what he'd done.

The book made Mara feel sick, and she wanted to cry. She'd loved her mother so much! How could Momma even think about turning Daddy in? Even if she hated Mara, she should want to protect her own husband.

She let William hold her as she cried. His touch was gentle, careful not to hurt her. He whispered that it didn't matter, that he'd love her even though no one else did.

As the weeks passed, Mara grew more distant from Charlotte, choosing to spend time with William instead.

* * *

It was a dark night when the raised voices woke Mara.

She wiped at her eyes and climbed out of her bed, instantly alert. She crept to the door, listening intently.

Momma sounded upset. There were at least two men that Mara could hear, so that meant there were more. If it was the Council of Occuli there would be another two Inquisitors outside.

One of the men said her name, and she heard the word "Aether".

They knew.

Daddy was in trouble. Momma must have finally turned him in. The betrayal left Mara feeling like her heart had frozen and shattered.

She threw on the first dress that came to hand, hurriedly putting her most treasured possessions into a satchel. She slipped on her family ring and reached under her mattress, pocketing the pouch of Aether she'd collected and sprinting silently for the window.

They couldn't convict him without evidence, so she had to disappear. She slipped out silently and ran, carefully avoiding the Inquisitors outside her house.

She thought about where to go. If she could just get to Daddy, they could go together. They could protect each other. But Daddy wasn't here. He had risked so much just so she could live. He had taken care of her.

She had to take care of him.

She considered the harbor. If she could sneak onto a shipping freighter she could get far from here, start fresh where no one would look for her.

Where no one would look! No one but Daddy. Elated by a new idea she changed course, planning as she ran.

She headed for their secret place. A huge, drooping willow tree nestled against a small hill. There was a well hidden crevice there that stayed dry even during the rain, and she liked to read there. She hadn't reported the new Thinny that had appeared there a few weeks prior.

She would go through the Thinny. She would use her father's lessons and trust the Aether within her to lead her through the Void. She could go through to the other world. No one would think to go there but her father. He would be safe with her gone, but he could come find her if things settled down.

She was a little afraid. She hadn't gone into the Void before. A lifetime of fearing the Void was hard to overcome. But she trusted Daddy. She was Void-born now and she had to have faith in that.

She was running as fast as she could, keeping to the darkest shadows as much as possible. How had Momma found out about her? Had she guessed from those little slips? They had been so careful!

She was almost to the crevice. Another 20 feet, she would be into the Void, where the cowards on the Council feared to tread. Her father would be safe!

She darted to the tree, desperate to reach her hidden alcove. As she cleared the curtain of branches, she was snatched up by strong arms.

Her startled scream was muffled by a hand over her mouth. She thrashed and kicked, desperate to escape. She was so intent on getting free, she wasn't listening, couldn't identify the voice of the man restraining her. He didn't give her long to catch on, instead pinching the skin of her waist hard, twisting. The excruciating pain shocked her into stillness. She realized who it was the moment he hurt her.

William.

She didn't have time for this.

"William, let go, there's an emergency. I have to go!"

He spun her toward him. He was in her face, too close.

"I wanted to do this more elegantly, but there's just no time. You'll learn to appreciate it later." He was against her, and she was trapped in a corner. He started tugging at her skirts, his breeches untied. He had her at every disadvantage and logically, she knew she should give up, there was no hope in senseless struggle. She had to accept defeat. But...

She struggled against him anyway, wild.

"No- I don't want this. Daddy is in trouble, William! No!"

"Mara!" he jerked her body urgently, hands hard against her back and arm. She startled into focus, still scattered from the excess of sensation but fighting it with steely reserve. Her eyes were fearful, cowed by him but firmly in charge of the Aether within her.

She was _almost_ exactly what he needed. He kicked her legs apart and pressed himself against her, hard enough for her to tense in pain. Her eyes were wild, childlike and afraid.

Beautiful.

Malleable.

He jerked her other hand above her head, pinning both her wrists in one hand. "You and I belong together. You want me to know where you are, always. Say it!"

He pressed against her again, enough for her to yelp.

"You and I belong together and I want you to always know where I am!"

"You need me, because no one else in the world will ever love you. Say it!"

He repeated the process again, this time touching an inert orb of Aether to her trapped hand. He envied the way her skin made it flow to life, spreading across her palm like the tide coming in."We are one from this moment until you are truly happy. _Say. It._ " He ground the words out, loosening his hold on her wrists and tensing for the anticipated strike. Sweet, predictable Mara. As if he would let her be truly happy. That was useless. He needed her scared and angry, and William always got what he wanted.

The Aether bond flowed to life as she slapped him. His eyes glowed golden as he rose above her. The Aether flowed through as him he looked down at this little lost girl- this untouchable angel he'd created.

"There you are." he smiled.

Mara entered his world with a scream.

* * *

Mara didn't reach the Thinny. She lay pressed into the grass, a mere six feet from freedom as her dignity was torn apart. She stared at the rock that hid the crevice, trying to disconnect from the pain. He grunted words about love in her ear, but none of it sounded very loving.

When he was finished, William pulled her up and started steering her -half pushing- toward home.

"You're my wife now, Mara. I'll never leave you. I'll never betray you. I know I can trust you, can't I?"

Mara was silent, walking mindlessly. She was limping, her arms wrapped around herself.

"I asked you a question, Mara." Williams's voice was dangerous, heavy with warning.

Mara nodded. William scowled at her, and a thoughtful look came over him.

William lifted his hand and slapped himself in the face. The pain was instantaneous and blinding. She saw spots, felt blood in her mouth. She thought she'd been scared _before_.

"I asked if I can trust you, Mara." His voice was merry again, like he'd flipped a switch.

"Yes, you can trust me."

"Good girl. Go home now. I'll come collect you tomorrow- you'll live with me. I'll take care of you, Mara. No one will ever come between us again." William kissed her softly, then pushed her toward her house, walking away.

She moved automatically, forgetting in her shock that there were Council members here.

She missed most of the talking, her mind still trying to wipe away the last few hours. They had her father, his journal and her.

When they finally sent for her, she had bathed and changed her clothes. She faintly remembered her packed satchel, probably still under the willow where William had ripped it off her. She put the pouch of orbs into a hidden pocket in her dress.

A group of very serious men asked her hundreds of questions. Everything from her name to her favorite color to whether or not she'd known about her father's plans. As she answered, anger built inside her.

Momma had turned Daddy in. Because of her, Mara had tried running away in the night. That's why William found her.

Everything awful was because of her mother.

Eventually, the oldest Councilman suggested imprisonment or execution, and Mara felt her heart stop.

"No! Please, don't! He only did it for me, because of me! Punish me. Daddy's too important, you need him! I'll do whatever you ask. Let him go."

One of the pompous bastards laughed. "Your father hurt people, child. How do you propose to rectify that?"

She thought quickly, searching the paths of possibility and praying.

"I can help whoever is hurt. I can take care of them. Give me a chance!"

Byron, another Occulus and a close friend of her father's spoke up. "It can't hurt to let the girl try. If you're worried, I can cross over with her, keep an eye on things."

Mara's heart leapt- having Byron take her side was huge. People _loved_ him.

They eventually consented to a trial period. They left the same day, just before dawn, through a fenced Thinny. Part of Mara was incredibly relieved- she'd helped her father and William would be away from her.

As she hugged her father goodbye, she whispered in his ear. "There's a Thinny in the crevice of our special place. Find me. Williams's dangerous."

She stepped back as if she'd never said anything. She nodded to her father, took Byron's hand and stepped into the Thinny.

She never even looked at Charlotte.


	17. Chaos and Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I owe more than I own.
> 
> I'm planning about 12 more chapters, (according to my outline) but since "I never could say anything in twenty words or less", it may be more. (20 points and a plot request to any reviewers who know where that quote comes from.)
> 
> Thank you to everyone supporting me. You're all precious to me.
> 
> Also, I'm not ignoring the comic "Haven: In the Beginning", I'm offering a different interpretation. History is written by the victors, remember.
> 
> Song for this chapter is Exquisite Corpse from Hedwig and the Angry Inch, written by John Cameron Mitchell and Steven Trask.

The Void was like chaos made tangible. Bright white light was everywhere, thicker in some places, shaped almost like clouds with sparks of lightning making her vision dance. It sounded like she was in the center of a massive beehive, the constant droning buzz low but deafening.

Mara knew she should be afraid, but the Void's excess made her feelings easier to step away from. The pain faded in the face of external overstimulation, and she considered what it would be like to stay here forever, in the mad, primordial womb of the universe.

Byron was with her, though. He tugged on her hand, trying to get her attention.

"Which way does it lead you, Mara?" His voice sounded far away, muted like he was covered in pillows. She knew the look on his face though- he was testing her.

She let the paths of possibility unfold before her. She turned her head and walked, certain that she was following her father's footsteps. Byron walked with her, holding her hand.

They exited the Void, Thinny dumping them out in a dark cavern. Byron tapped a miniature, self-charging torch. The cavern wasn't huge, but it was easily as big as her bedroom at home. They climbed out together, a set of rough steps dug into the dirt leading them up to a spit of land, ocean touching the horizon.

The land itself looked very much like home. Same shape of the coast, same small islands out in the water. Mara turned slowly, taking everything in, starting to notice the differences.

That hill should have a huge sculpture on it- a celebration of Knowledge. Where her large harbor was, they barely even had a small dock. She could see smoke from cooking fires in the distance. It was like she'd gone back in time.

Mara glanced at Byron, still holding his hand. He was smiling.

"Very well done, Mara. I'm proud of you. I know you're afraid, but I need you to listen to me now, okay? Your father knew there was a chance he'd be discovered. James asked me to help you if that happened.

"Now I need you to be brave for me. I will help you, but they're expecting you to repair the damage that was done here, do you understand? You need to perfect your abilities. James wouldn't leave you unprepared."

"Byron, are they really going to leave Daddy alone now?"

"As much as they might hate to admit it, they need James. He's the best they've ever recruited. He'd probably be Head of the Council already if he wanted to. I think it's safe to say he'll be fine. He'll find a way to see you as soon as he's not being watched. Do you have any idea how the Council found out?"

Mara sat gingerly on a large rock. She hurt everywhere. There was a cut inside her mouth where her teeth had torn through, her face hurt, her muscles protested and there was a throbbing, burning ache between her legs. She hurt in places she hadn't known she could even feel. She put her head in her hands, so unhappy it felt like the tears had boiled away inside her, leaving her unable to cry.

"I saw Momma's journal, Byron. It was terrible. She figured it out. In the journal she kept calling me "the subject" and saying she was obligated to report us- she wanted me to die in the pandemic. It said I should be sent to the Void like the Child of Ruin."

She looked up at Byron, forehead creased with worry. "Was she right? We're not really different."

"Oh, Mara. Don't think that. I won't lie- I've always disagreed with what the Council did to that girl. There was never any evidence that she started the pandemic. Banishing a child to the Void just for surviving, well... it's a sign of everything that's wrong with our world.

"You have an opportunity here, Mara. You're a smart girl. You can do great things for these people. You just have to stay focused. I can't imagine Charlotte doing something like this. Where did you get her journal?"

She shifted uncomfortably. "William found it a few weeks ago."

William. It seemed like everything had gone to hell the second she heard his happy, laughing voice. Why had he hurt her? What had he meant about having no time? Could he have known the Council was coming? "Byron. If you see Daddy before I do, tell him to stay away from William."

"Why? Is there something you want to tell me?"

She did. She wanted to tell very, very much. But not to her father's friend. The humiliation was too deep.

"No. Just tell him to be careful."

* * *

They spent some time walking around the area. Their population had dropped by almost 70% during the pandemic, but there were even fewer here. The people weren't barbarians like the stories said, but they weren't nearly as advanced as her people. They were depressing, honestly.

They all seemed hunched and exhausted. Up before dawn to start cooking fires, men going out in rickety old boats to find food, children tending crops. They worked constantly- they had short lives and no time to just _enjoy_ anything.

Mara could see how her abilities might help.

They camped out in the cavern that night, and the next day, Byron started introducing the people she was there to help.

There were dozens, easily. People her father had experimented on to make her well. She spent countless days cataloging the ailments and making treatment plans. The first few weren't so bad. They had ailments she could treat just with her medical knowledge. She made lists of medicinal plants she'd need to gather to make medications for the afflicted.

* * *

Mara was in the woods digging up herbs one morning a few weeks after her arrival. The fog was thick and so heavy that she pretend she was floating in the clouds, digging for lightning. She laughed quietly at herself.

A branch cracked behind her, and she jumped up, tripping over her tools. She'd been very edgy; not enough sleep, too much work and too many nightmares had taken a toll on her.

She sprawled out on the ground, dress filthy and dirt smudged on her face, when she heard a voice that made her heart stop.

"What, Little Wing? No hug?"

Seeing her father was like seeing the sun after a year of darkness.

They sat in the grass, leaning against a tree as they spoke. She told him about everything she'd done and everyone she'd met, showing him the list of medications she was making.

"You're doing very well, darling. I hope you know I'm proud of you. I would never have asked you to do this, though. I want you to have your own life, Mara."

"I can't go back, Daddy. I don't _want_ to."

"Why on earth not?" She was quiet for a moment, trying to think of what to say.

"Daddy... the night the Council came... the noise woke me up. I ran away, I was going to the Thinny I told you about."

He hugged her and she cuddled against his chest. "I found your bag under the tree. I wondered why it was there. I brought it for you."

"Thank you."

"Little Wing, if you made it to the tree, why did you come _home_?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I know it would be easier for you if I'd come here. But Daddy, when I got there William was already there."

James narrowed his eyes at the name. "Does this have to do with your warning?"

"Yes." She pulled a pretty green rock from her pocket. One side had a wide, smooth groove where her thumb rubbed it when she was anxious- a Worry Stone. She played with it unconsciously as she spoke. She didn't want to see how badly her father would judge her.

"He was acting so strange. Talking about wanting things to be different but not having time? He... he was hurting me, and he was making me repeat after him, and he put Aether in my hand but I didn't know and I hit him and he _raped_ me." The words tumbled out faster and faster, like a hose she couldn't turn off.

"After, he pulled me back to the house. He said he'd be back to collect me the next day, that I had to live with him because I'm his wife! Is that true, Daddy? Please say it isn't."

He looked very serious. "Little Wing, did anything happen or change after the Aether?"

"Yes. He was upset with me. He slapped himself in the face, but I was the one who felt it. It even cut my mouth. Please Daddy, I can't be his wife!"

James sighed, looking like he'd aged decades. "Mara, have you bled since that night?"

Her eyebrows drew up in consternation. "No, why?"

"Oh Mara. Come here, baby."

He pulled her into his lap like he'd done when she was younger. She curled up as small as possible and let him hold her, feeling safe and loved.

"Mara, we need to check you out, alright? We'll know more after that. Have you been practicing?"

"At least three times a day, usually more."

"Good, baby. Do you remember the exercises I had you do, so you could feel and communicate with the Aether?"

"Of course. I have an eidetic memory, you know that."

"Little Wing, I need you to connect now. Send the Aether to your abdomen. See if it senses anything."

It took a few minutes, but eventually they managed to understand each other. Yet suddenly, Mara wished it hadn't worked.

The tears that had gone AWOL when she travelled here came back with a vengeance. She sobbed, hiccuping. "I'm pregnant."

When the hysteria was over, leaving only tears, they walked through the woods hand-in-hand.

"Mara, I don't want to say this, and I know you don't want to be married to William. Unfortunately, the law is specific, and your pregnancy will be all the proof they need. According to the Council, the Church and our laws, you're technically married." Mara wailed at the sky, wanting to hurt something.

"Mara... I think you should have the baby here. No one but Byron will know. That will give us time. I brought you a gift- three empty journals. I thought you might want to take notes."

"Thank you. Paper isn't easy to get around here. But how can I have a baby, Daddy? I can't be his wife- I don't want to be his wife! Oh gods, what will people do to me? I'm alone here, with just Byron and he's gone most of the time. They'll punish me!"

"No. We're going to dress you in black. Put your ring on your left hand. We're going to make you a widow. They'll all want to help you. Let's get started, and then we're going to practice something new."

They went to the cavern, and James looked around thoughtfully.

"This place- can you feel it? It's on a large convergence of ley lines. That's a lot of untapped power." He tapped his chin, deep in thought. "Let me see what I can do here. I brought a few small tools. And clothing, and some of your things from home, of course. Let's get you dressed."

Mara put on a long black dress, soft enough to feel pleasant against her sensitive skin. She slipped her ring onto her left hand.

"Good girl. I'll bring you more black dresses when I come back. I have someone I need you to meet. I brought you some Aether," -he held out a wooden box and she took it, not mentioning her hidden stockpile- "and you're going to use it in a new way, okay?"

"Yes, Daddy." They walked almost an hour before coming upon a small stone house. She could hear an infant screaming from outside. Mara looked at her father, curious.

"This is the Hansen home. Edmund is the husband. He's the one who helped to finish the cure. I owe him. I believe your gift can help him. He hurts, like you do. So remember, this is new so you must focus. Remember the equation, Little Wing. Subject, Intent, Aether. Can you remember?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"It's best if they don't see me. I have to be careful. I'll meet you back at the cavern, okay? I need to check some things there." Mara hugged him, and turned for the house.

When she knocked, a half-crazed looking woman answered her, squalling babe in her arms. He was tiny, but he was bright red and obviously miserable. It made her heart hurt to look at him.

"Hello, I'm sorry to intrude. My name is Mara. My father knew your husband. Is Edmund home?"

The woman appeared surprised, but exhaustion took over immediately. "He died."

"Oh no, how?" Mara knew the words were inappropriate, but she couldn't stop herself.

"Hanging. He got sick, pain everywhere. He couldn't take it."

"Is... is your son hurting too?"

"I don't know. Eustace started screaming when his father died, and hasn't stopped since. I've seen so many healers. I think we're cursed."

Mrs. Hansen was despondent and obviously lonely. She'd opened up to Mara like she'd been aching to talk to someone, anyone. Mara sympathized.

"May I try something? I might be able to help your baby. I'm taking care of other people nearby. Please?"

Mrs. Hansen was obviously exhausted and had exercised all her options. After a moment, she nodded, stepping back to let Mara in.

The house was cozy and sweet. She imagined what it would be like if the poor family hadn't been affected by her.

Mara carefully took the boy from his mother as Mrs. Hansen went to fetch water from the well. She sat in a chair, the baby in her lap. She unwrapped the blanket carefully, anxious not to cause further pain. Eventually, his tiny, writhing form was naked except for the cloth that served as a diaper.

Mara focused, thinking entirely of this child, this innocent who was hurting and had lost his father because of her. No pain, no pain, never pain. She crushed an orb in her hand, watching it spread. Still focused, she rolled the baby slightly and pressed her hand to his back.

She felt the euphoria, let it roll over her. For a moment, her pain and grief seemed to disappear. So this was the answer, then. If she used Aether to heal people, she'd never have to hurt.

As the euphoria faded, she became aware of something else.

Eustace wasn't crying.

His face was losing the angry red color. His breath no longer came in shudders and gasps. As Mara stared at him, running her fingers over him to check for a pain response, his toothless mouth twisted, and he smiled at her. Beaming back at him, she redressed him and cuddled him close.

She was going to have one of these. She wondered if Mrs. Hansen would teach her what to do.

A few minutes later, a soft creak and hushed gasp pulled her from her reverie. She smiled at Mrs. Hansen. "Your baby isn't hurting anymore."

The woman rushed over, as if afraid Mara had killed the child. Stunned, she took him from Mara, tears running down her cheeks. "Eustace? Oh, beautiful boy, you're not crying!" The babe grabbed his mother's finger and burbled a wet baby-giggle. His mother sobbed loudly, hugging the boy against her.

"Bless you, bless you! You saved my boy!" Mrs. Hansen hugged Mara, the baby between them. Mara was touched, but still disturbed from seeing such agony that only existed because of her.

"I only want to help, Mrs. Hansen. I'm so sorry for your troubles."

"Please, call me Violet. You just saved my world, you beautiful, sweet girl. How can I repay you?"

"I don't need any kind of payment. But if you wouldn't mind teaching me about babies I would appreciate it. I'm... pregnant."

"Of course I'll help you! You always have a place at my table and in my family from this day on."

Mara thanked her and showed herself out. She leaned against the closed door, trying to steady her emotions. As she focused, a strange burning sensation started on her left wrist. Her first thought was of William, and she looked around frantically, expecting to see him holding a flame to his wrist- but there was nobody around.

She pulled up her sleeve, looking for a sting or a bite. The euphoria hit her again, and she saw a flicker on her arm. She stared, fascinated. The feelings rose to a remarkable crescendo- she'd never felt so blissful in her life- and suddenly golden fire burst from her wrist, sparkling and bright, leaving ghost images on her eyes.

When she could see again, the fire had burned away, leaving a clear black picture behind in a perfect circle over her pulse.

The maze from her fever-visions.

She hadn't thought about it for ages, but seeing it again, it felt like last week. She knew this picture like she knew herself. Anxious, she ran all the way to the cavern.

"Daddy, Daddy!"

"Whoa there Mara! Are you alright? How did it go?"

"Uh, Edmund is gone, I'm sorry. Suicide. His son appears to have... inherited?... the condition though. She said he started crying when his father died. I did it, Daddy, I gave him a gift to take the pain away and it worked! After though, when I was alone outside, look what happened." She held out her wrist for inspection.

"Interesting. It must be some reaction from the Aether. We'll study it.

"Little Wing, I have to go back for a bit to keep people from getting suspicious. I'm going to do some research on this boy and what he did to you. I promise to keep you safe, baby girl. Do you trust me?"

"More than anyone. Please be careful. Momma has a journal, you need to see it. It's under the loose floorboard in my bedroom. I think she turned you in, Daddy. Read it, you'll see. She wanted me to die. I'm sorry you sacrificed so much for me."

He hugged her tight. "I'm not sorry. I would do it again a thousand times over. You'll understand when you hold your baby- there's nothing more important than your child. I'll return soon. You know how to give gifts now- help however you can. Be patient. Stay safe." James kissed her head, smiled, stepped through the Thinny and Mara was alone again.

* * *

Over the next weeks, she became something of a legend.

At first, it was just one or two people a day. A man whose crops were dying begged to be able to make plants grow, desperate to feed his family. A fisherman who just needed to control the weather occasionally to improve his catch. An infertile woman who wanted to get pregnant more easily. An artist who wanted his work to be more realistic. A musician who wanted his music to touch people's hearts.

With every gift she gave, she was more accepted, liked- and the more requests she got.

She met the Gaille's at the funeral of their fifth son, Matthias. Mara could feel her baby move inside her, but she wasn't showing much unless you really looked. She was just over five months pregnant.

Mrs. Gaille was pregnant too.

Mara watched her all through the service, clinging to her sweet husband, who cried with her. Mara wondered what it must be like to have a partner- an equal, someone to love without fear.

Even more, she wondered how Mrs. Gaille carried on, losing the children she loved over and over. Mara already loved her baby, and the thought of something happening terrified her. By the time the service ended, she couldn't take it anymore. She waited a moment for the group to disperse, then strode quickly to the grieving parents.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry for your loss. My name is-"

"Mara." Mrs. Gaille breathed the name more than saying it, and Mara understood that the woman knew exactly who she was.

Humans _loved_ to gossip.

"Can you help us?" Mr. Gaille whispered urgently.

"I'd like to try."

Less than an hour later, she left their home, the black handprint on Mrs. Gaille's belly proof that the gift of strength had successfully passed on.

She headed for her cottage- she made a meager living selling her creations, everything from perfumed soaps to dresses since she was morally prohibited from taking money for giving people medicine or gifts- but spotted a note on her door in familiar writing, telling her to go to the cavern.

She was thrilled to be seeing her father of course, but she wondered why he wanted her to go back to the dirty hole in the ground she'd slept in during her first month.

To say she was startled by the change was an understatement.

At first, Mara thought she'd somehow made a wrong turn. Where the mostly-hidden fissure had been, a lighthouse was being completed. She wondered what new miracle the Occuli had invented that could create buildings so quickly, but she was more interested in seeing her father.

She opened the door, peering in. "Daddy?"

"Down here, sweetheart!" She followed the voice to a nice, even set of stone steps. She halted 4 steps from the bottom, staring in disbelief.

The scene from her vision, a perfect, large-scale maze just as detailed as the one on her wrist was etched into the floor. Everything was clean, though the walls retained their natural shape and texture.

"What is this, Daddy?"

"Protection, Little Wing. We're locking this door, and creating a key that I hope will keep you and everyone else safe.

"We had a full council meeting, Byron spoke on your behalf and the Council is very happy with you. Since you said you want to stay, they want to create a settlement here- a colony, actually. A haven for people who either I hurt or who have special abilities that need protection. Really, for anyone who might be connected to our world. They hope to understand how the worlds developed the way they did- identical yet different. It's the first step to learning how the Void itself works."

"I... that's good, but I don't see why my symbol is on the floor." Mara rubbed her lower back, trying to work the stiffness out.

"We don't just want a bunch of unconnected homes sitting in the same place. We want a real, living town. Something that will connect with the people and help care for them. A living town needs what any living thing needs. A heart, a soul and a mind.

"The townspeople are the soul, Mara. The mind is all of us working together to improve things. The heart is sacred though, and can only be one being. You need to be the heart of this colony, Mara. You've done so well already. Will you accept?"

"Will it help?"

"Yes, Little Wing. I have strong wards worked into this etching. I've left specific directions on how to use it and the door, but no one from my side will be able to come through without major help. I'm trying to reduce the Thinnies to keep William on the other side of the Void."

"How can I help?"

"Agree. I know it's a lot to ask, but this place needs a guardian and they already love you."

"Okay. If it will protect the people, I'll do it."

"There's a living area up at the top, two stories below the light room. Will you live here? You and my grandchild will have plenty of room, you have enough room for your own lab to make medications and the people will know how to find you when they need help."

"Yes Daddy, whatever you need." Mara moved her meager belongings to the lighthouse, and to her intense surprise, she loved it. Being able to see all over her town and the sea was fantastic. It made her feel safe, like a princess locked in a tall tower. She could imagine her baby playing there, sun shining on golden-brown hair and sparkling blue eyes.

Months passed. Dozens and dozens of people came from all sorts of places, eager to receive a gift.

Christian Gaille was born healthy, just a few weeks before Mara was due. She knew his parents were terrified, and they probably would stay that way for a few years, but every day that tiny Christian woke up, Mara felt more certain that the Gaille boys would live.

When Mara felt the first labor pains, she paid a nearby boy a silver coin to fetch Violet Hansen: her one real friend in this world. People loved Mara, but she knew it was just because they expected, wanted or needed her gifts. As much as she enjoyed the relative safety and freedom here, she was still lonely. She imagined she was destined to be that way forever. Look at what happened with the one man she had dared to trust.

When Violet arrived, Mara was pacing around the room, trying all of her relaxation exercises. Nothing was working. The pain was intense and getting closer together. She felt like a caged animal, frustrated, frightened, lonely and excited all at once.

It was a very long night, and if the local community noticed the abrupt change in the weather, or a passerby heard thunder answer each wordless cry from the lighthouse where the strange young widow lived, they overlooked it.

They owed her that much.

The sun was up again in the morning, as Mara nursed her tiny, perfect son.


	18. Disavowed and Devoured

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing has changed. I don't own it. But oh, the naughtiness that would abound if I did...
> 
> Song for this chapter is Mercy by Muse
> 
> Possible triggers for violence.

Mara fell silent, trying to bring her mind back to the present. She covered Duke's hands with her unbroken one where he'd clasped them over the slight swell of her belly. The room was silent as a crypt.

Duke was uncharacteristically lost for words. It was Nathan who spoke, using the "soothing voice" that cops trotted out on assault victims.

"Mara... you had William's baby?"

"I had a baby who happened to share a few chromosomes with William. Alec was my baby. He was so beautiful. Sweet too. He was the happiest child I ever knew. Everyone loved him."

Duke had a sick feeling in his stomach. The tone of voice, past-tense speech- none of it boded well. "Mara? I don't want to ask, but... what happened?"

It was like watching a balloon deflate. She curved around herself, looking small and fragile, the way Duke pictured her at the age she'd been when she had her son.

"Eventually, William found an open Thinny. I'd been here about 7 of your years- not very long where I come from- when I felt him getting closer.

"I'd fixed everyone my father had hurt, and had given more than half the other residents gifts. This place was becoming a real community. I even had friends.

"When I felt him getting closer, I talked to my father and Byron. They'd tried keeping him stuck on the other side, but Thinnies sometimes show up out of nowhere.

"They couldn't kill him- our 'justice' system automatically orders a death sentence in any killing that's not a clear accident. Plus, no one knew how far the connection went, and Daddy was afraid I'd die- and we know now that I would have. They couldn't just banish him to the Void, because he knew how to travel it. No authorities would help, because if they found out I'd had his child, there was no way to deny the 'marriage'. I was trapped.

"I don't know who thought of it, and Byron and Daddy always argued over who took the credit- they suggested recruiting Paladins. Uh, I guess you'd more likely call them 'knights' or 'bodyguards'. Because I really did have supporters. Some people were scared of me, but I'd helped almost everyone by then.

"We told a few people who liked me what was going on. There was this family..." she smiled slightly, eyes unfocused as she pictured the memory, "they were sweet, but I wonder sometimes if my father ever experimented on them. The boys in that family were huge, strong and lived on that razor-line between bravery and insanity. Can you think of anyone like that, Nathan?" Mara smiled faintly, waiting.

"You don't mean Hendrickson..."

"No shit, you were buddies with great granddaddy Sasquatch?" Duke exclaimed. It made Mara laugh.

"Jacob Hendrickson. Yeah, I guess we were buddies. He was so much like Dwight. He was constantly trying to fix everything and improve the quality of life for everyone. He used to bring me people that he thought I could help. Honestly, it got to a point where he'd just show up at the lighthouse with someone and head straight upstairs to take care of Alec- we didn't even have to discuss it.

"He would always bring presents, even if he hadn't brought someone who needed help. He traded for things we couldn't get. He would go through these ridiculous, convoluted trade schemes just to get us oranges and bananas, because he knew Alec loved them. I think he was interested in me, you know?"

Duke shook his head. "I can't believe you could have been Dwight's ancestor. That's disturbingly mind-blowing, seriously."

"Hush, you. Dwight is a decent guy- for a member of the Guard. He shouldn't be with those people. The guard takes good, gifted people and makes them into monsters."

Duke scoffed. "That's exactly what I've been saying!"

"I told Jacob everything. I remember being so shocked that he actually believed me. He said he wanted to help, that I should give him a gift, because his whole life he'd been trying to protect people. He wanted to protect the village, and he wanted to protect me and Alec.

"He wanted to be a target. He said, 'If there should arise a situation where people are in danger, let it first come to me.' Sweet fool. His brother Joshua wanted the same thing. All balls and no brains, the Hendrickson boys. So I did it."

Mara paused, remembering. "You know, when they told me we'd all be safe, that they'd never let William hurt us- I let them convince me. I believed it.

"Jacob had this idea. He said we should tell William that since I'd been banished here that only this world's marriage laws applied to me. That I should tell William that Alec was Jacob's son. He was willing- eager, even- to do that for me.

"It's strange, how history repeats itself. Vince did something very similar for Sarah. Wanted to protect her from the stigma of being an unmarried mother, even though she told him she couldn't give him her heart. He lost his wife over it all."

Nathan had that half-amused, half-disbelieving look on his face, that sharp smile that could turn to sharp words in seconds. "Vince wanted to raise James with Sarah?"

"He did. He even tried to have her leave James with him when they couldn't keep her from the Barn. Sarah wanted James to have a full family, with no ties to Haven. Fate intervened though. James sought Lucy out... around and around.

"Eventually, William came, and he found me out in the woods gathering herbs while Jacob was playing with Alec. He seemed so thrilled to see me. He acted like he'd done nothing wrong. I was just standing there, shocked and mute when Jacob came around to where we were.

"Alec ran up to me yelling 'Mama, look at this pretty green caterpillar!' and William got so unbelievably still, like a statue. He asked me whose child Alec was. I was terrified, but Jacob was huge compared to William. _Huge_.

"William still couldn't activate Aether, and I thought between me and Jacob that we were safe. I told William that when I was banished that I was bound by this world's laws. That Alec and I belonged with Jacob, that Jacob was his father.

"You've met William. He seems all open and friendly, like be cares about people. Gregarious. He smiled, I can still see the sun gleaming off his teeth. He said that people like us weren't meant to abide by the illogical, archaic laws of an inferior species.

"I'd been away long enough to have grown some backbone. I told him that he should go, that I was here to work, that I was happy here. He got this huge grin, like he was so happy for me. He said I was obviously destined for 'great things' and that he understood." Mara's gaze was blank, somewhere centuries ago.

"Alec had been trying to get to Jacob, and he got too close. Everything was fine one minute, the next William had a knife to Alec's throat. He said he'd leave, but only, only if I gave him a gift to control the Aether. He wanted to do what I could do.

"I was terrified, and my poor boy's eyes were so huge. I was desperate. I gifted him the ability to use Aether, but I wasn't concentrating- I couldn't. But it was enough. He took an orb from his pocket so he could see if it worked, and when it did, he touched Jacob.

"I told you before you can't put multiple gifts into a single being- just tweak them. I'm not sure how he knew what I'd done to the Hendrickson boys, but he played off of it. Instead of just being a first-line target, where enemies would foolishly waste all their time trying to fight Jacob so others could get to safety, he altered it so any kind of projectile with metal in it would automatically seek Jacob -and his brother Joshua and every generation of his family thereafter. It didn't make sense to me until William took this... thing... out of his pocket. It didn't look like much.

"It all went so fast. He took the thing out of his pocket, all black metal, and he was still grinning when he hit a button on it. It wasn't very loud.

"Jacob fell. He was bleeding so much, and I had dropped down to try to stem the blood. He just kept _bleeding_.

"Jacob reached to touch my face, and he said, 'I'll still watch out for you. You might not see me. But I'll never leave you."

Tears were falling down Mara's cheeks, watching a memory Nathan and Duke couldn't see.

"I could see when his light went out. Just like when I saw you die, Duke. Just like seeing Nathan die. Jacob was dead and when I looked up, William had his dagger in one hand, Alec restrained in his arm.

"My sweet boy. He was crying, saying 'mama' over and over. I couldn't reach him.

"William asked Alec if he liked magic. Tricks, things like that. My baby just nodded. So William said, "This is real magic. You'll love it." Then he slapped himself and drug his nails down his face. Alec saw it happen to me. The scratches appearing on my face, the blood dripping from my mouth.

"He said, 'You see, Mara? You and I are a universal constant. No laws made by man can stop us. Don't worry though, soon things will be back to normal, you just need proper stimuli.'

"William looked at Alec, who was struggling to get free. 'I can't believe you let one of those primates touch you. You betrayed me, Mara. Now I have to fix it.' He said in that long-suffering tone of someone asked to work double overtime. "

'Please, William- I'll do whatever you want, just leave Alec alone.' I said, because I'm a fool, and he had such a great track record for obeying me.

"Oh, that's so sweet! But Mara, you've gone and made me angry, and you know there has to be a punishment. Just remember that you brought this on yourself." Mara said in her best William-impersonation.

"It was so fast. I jumped up and ran as fast as I could. In the what, three seconds it took to get there, he... he cut my boy's throat. I sat in the dirt and tried everything- everything to fix Alec. The bio-manipulation, pressure, even Aether. He was immune though, like me. My son died in my arms because _I failed him._ "

Mara took a deep breath, wishing for some bourbon or a few pain pills. If this went on much longer, she planned a date with her prescription bottle.

"He watched me there crying over my baby and Jacob, with his head tilted like we were some fascinating museum display. 'I just did you a favor. Love makes people weak. You're useless weak. You need to be strong, Mara. I'm going to leave for just a little while- don't worry, I'll be back soon enough. I have some projects I'm keeping an eye on. Your little gift-' he wiggled his hand in front of me- 'will be very helpful. Thanks for that.' He smiled that bright, happy smile of his. 'Clean this up, will you?' Then he grabbed my hair and yanked so I had to raise my face, and he kissed me, hard. I remember seeing my blood on his mouth. Then he let go and ran. He went back to our world."

Mara closed her eyes, wishing she could close the tears up before they escaped. "I was alone in the woods and I didn't want to leave Alec OR Jacob. I knelt there screaming for help for what felt like hours. Eventually a man heard me. He was probably hunting or something.

"He found me covered in blood, cradling my boy and praying over Jacob. Anyone else might have assumed that I killed them. Not him. He was so kind, he cradled me like I did Alec. Sebastian was his name. Sebastian Wuornos."

Nathan was visibly startled.

"Yes, same family. Eventually he got some friends to help carry Jacob home. I wouldn't let anyone else touch Alec.

"Byron was on this world for a regular check in. I had him fetch my father. I sat in that stupid lighthouse, cradling my son and staring at the oranges that wouldn't get eaten. I was so full of hurt, I couldn't let it out.

"When Daddy came, we decided to... bury... Alec in the cavern beneath the lighthouse. Right at the center of the Maze.

"I was devastated. I remember telling them this wasn't a village, it was a dumping ground for God's orphans. Byron said if God had orphans, then they needed a haven, not a dumping ground. That's how this place got its name. 'Haven for God's Orphans'. Eventually shortened to 'Haven'.

"I told them I couldn't be a heart. That we should make Alec the heart, and they understood.

"I was afraid every day, just waiting for William to appear. I still helped people, still gave gifts. I just didn't care anymore. Not long after that, Violet realized that Eustace wasn't just not feeling pain, he wasn't feeling anything. She was so angry, I lost my first friend. But everyone else liked their gifts and they didn't want to move against me.

"Time moves differently in our world. I don't know how long it took William to realize the Aether didn't like him. That Intent can't be forced. There's things he can do- create the Aetherlings, adjust gifts inside people... but it wasn't enough for him.

"My reprieve lasted more than a whole decade before his return. Long enough for Christian Gaille to marry Aria Croyker. Her brother Triston came to the lighthouse one evening. Back then it was common courtesy to check on widows and spinsters. When I let him in, he told me that Christian had started hurting Aria. I asked when it started, but it had only been a few weeks, he said.

"When I started investigating, it was apparent that Christian's gift had been altered somehow. He'd gotten mean- his younger brother too. So I started really looking around.

"Gifts that I'd given, gifts that had worked perfectly, started behaving strangely. Eustace wasn't feeling pain, but he wasn't feeling anything. The men who were able to breathe underwater while they fished suddenly couldn't breathe on land. It was constant; people coming in asking what I'd done to them. I was becoming a pariah.

"I went to Triston. I remember it was raining so hard. When he opened the door, I probably looked like an ugly drowned cat. He just looked at me for a second without saying anything, then just... let me in. Wrapped me in a blanket.

"It's funny, he never tried offering some stupid platitude about God's will- he didn't even tell me how sorry he was about Jacob and Alec. It was like he just understood, and the words were unnecessary.

"I sat by the fire and let him tell his story. I knew halfway through what had happened. William knew about the gift, and he altered it. Just like Jacob and god knows how many others. He had to have been sneaking between worlds fairly regularly."

Mara clenched her jaw, twisting her fingers around and around.

"I wasn't sure how many people he'd altered, it wasn't my plan, and the reason I accept the blame is because William couldn't have altered them if I hadn't gifted them in the first place. Looking back, with Audrey pointing things out, I can see differently. More than anything, I want this baby raised safe. I want him to have parents who don't have plans to use him because of some some latent ability.

"I don't expect you to just ignore everything I've done. I just think you should know. And you need you understand why I can't just have faith that we'll beat him. I believed that once.

"Anyway, we got to be friends, and the violence between Aria and Christian escalated. We were trying to think of a plan when Aria got pregnant. It rushed our timetable. I already told you what happened that night.

"After Christian died, people started gossiping. I heard my name a lot. People still came for help, but less than they had. They didn't trust me much anymore. 17+ years here, and suddenly I was a new girl again."

She took a drink, trying to control her turbulent emotions. Her head rested back on Duke's chest, reassured by the steady thumping of his heart. She even slid her toes under Nathan, trying to thaw her frozen appendages.

"I felt it when he made his way back. I tried warning people, but no one would listen. So I waited at the Thinny he had come from before. When he came through, all laughing smiles, I told him I was glad he had come, but we'd done everything there and we should find a new town. He said he knew I'd come around.

"I was leading him away from Haven, and this little boy- he reminded me so much of my Alec- came skipping back. William called him over, putting an orb in my hand. I had this sick feeling. I desperately wanted to protect the boy. I kept seeing Alec and that knife, and I didn't want anything near the boy. My intent wasn't focused well.

"After I gave him the gift- I just wanted to protect him from William- this beam of light surrounded him. Everything that the beam touched disintegrated. Plants, animals, people- he couldn't get near anything. He tried to run to the village, but when he hugged his mom and the light touched her... she disintegrated too. Edward was terrified, inconsolable.

"There were witnesses. First one woman shouted 'witch' and suddenly people were everywhere, scared and angry, shouting awful things. None of them had really cared that I wasn't aging the way they did- as long as I was useful. Everything changed in a millisecond. Someone started throwing rocks. One hit me here, on my temple, and I was blinded by pain. Couldn't see, and all I could hear was screaming.

"When I could see again... everyone was dead, William standing over the bodies with a sword in his hand. I tried to check everyone, see if I could save them. William started pulling at me though, saying we had to run, that we should just leave Edward because he wasn't controllable, and he started pulling me away.

"William and I were leaving Haven, and I couldn't think of anything to help Edward. He was dragging me down the road and suddenly, Byron was in front of me.

"It was strange. He was acting like we weren't friends. William yelled for me to run, and I started to, but Byron tackled me- not hard enough to hurt, but it looked damn realistic. There were three men holding William.

"Byron called Edward over, telling him that everything was okay, that he was going to fix things. He stepped into the light to hug the boy- it didn't affect him at all- and in an instant, I saw rapid movement and heard the cracking of bone as Byron snapped Edward's neck, the light disappearing as the life left little Edward.

"The men holding William were dragging him away in one direction. Byron snapped 'Cast him into the Void where he belongs, with the other mindless monsters.'

"I stared at Byron, opening my mouth to protest- after all, William had gotten to me through the Void before, what would keep him from doing it again?

" 'Don't bother with fake tears, girl. It's no secret that you were the mastermind here.' His look was scathing, and he made eye contact with me as he said, "Like father, like daughter.'

"Those words from anyone else would have sounded threatening. But nobody knew that Byron was my friend, my father's friend. I had to trust him and play my part. I sneered at him, called William's name.

" 'Oh, William isn't the one you should worry about. Your punishment will be far worse.' I knew William heard that, and I was relieved.  _Relieved._

"While William was half-carried in an opposite direction Byron took me to a spit of land that you call 'Kick 'em Jenny Neck'. I trusted him completely. I was having fantasies about meeting Daddy there. I started running ahead of Byron, skidding to a stop when instead of Daddy, I saw Momma.

"I was confused. I hadn't seen or heard from her since I left. I had no mother when I was pregnant and scared. I'd read her journal. There was no reason for her to be there. She looked just the same."

" 'Dove, you hurt people. Why?' No 'Wow, I missed you, are you alright?' Nope. straight to the point. I was so... weary. Too much fear, too much pain and losing my-" Mara's voice broke, tears threatening. "I asked why she'd come. She said she'd been getting reports... complaints... about me. Experimenting on people, doing hurtful things. I didn't trust her, but I was young and scared and desperate for reassurance, so I told her about William, everything that had happened- I never told her about Alec, though, and I'm glad.

"See, Momma didn't believe me. She said it was wrong to lie about something so serious. She was upset that I'd pulled Daddy into my 'shenanigans' and she wanted me to tell the truth. I refused to recant. She said she had enough on her plate trying to help Daddy, and that they just didn't have the extra energy for me to be 'acting out'."

Mara felt cold, chilled to her bones. Desperate enough to reach for Nathan's hand. Her fingers felt like ice compared to the warm rough skin of his palm.

"I know you trust her because she brought Audrey back. But she isn't safe, Nathan. She thought up the Barn, made the 27 year timetable so people would think I was someone else when I got dumped back out. She said I had to pay for my crimes. That I had to sacrifice the one I loved most to end the torture- for you and for me. But she didn't know me and wouldn't listen to me. She thinks I'm in love with William. Those idiots in the Guard took that to mean whoever the current personality loved, but it wouldn't have worked, Nathan. Only killing William, the one she's believed I was in love with. But I can't kill him without killing myself, do you see how twisted it is?"

Mara chuckled half-heartedly. "I've been paying since I first got sick. I couldn't even visit my son's grave. Haven't seen it since the day we pushed William through the doorway, but then everything was so confusing, I was so angry. I couldn't think straight." Shame was evident in her eyes.

Suddenly, her boys were on the same page, different sides of the law but equally enraged. They spoke over each other, incensed.

"What kind of mother could deny her child's cry for help?" Nathan was turning red, righteous anger filling him.

"I knew there was something wrong with that woman! I wish I had a crack at her right now." Duke squeezed Mara, like he was afraid she'd disappear if he let go.

"Byron agreed to be my guard dog. Like a supernatural soccer mom, he made sure I got where I needed to be, always on time. He subjected himself to paranormal carpool, and I know- I _know_ \- that he was trying to help me. Still protecting me, but from Momma and William now.

"I haven't seen my father since- Momma undoubtedly had him watched constantly. I can feel that he's alive, and Byron would have found a way to tell me if that changed. I miss him."

Nathan reached out to stroke Mara's cheek and she closed her eyes, leaning in despite her earlier resolve to keep her distance from him. His voice was soft as silk, but hard as iron. Nathan was _angry_.

"Well, we'll just have to outsmart her. You have something you didn't have back then, Mara. You have me and Duke and Audrey. We should talk to Dwight, too. I'm sorry about everything- all of it- but she's not stronger or smarter than us. Not when we work together.

"You said you and Audrey tricked Duke into thinking you were Audrey, right? I hate to say it, but nobody can tell you two apart better than him- not even me." Nathan's mouth twitched up in a tiny smile and he reached out to hold one of Duke's hands.

"I think we should go see Charlotte together, with you pretending to be Audrey."

"Oh, you sneaky bastard! I knew cops were just smarter criminals. You want 'Audrey' to cry to Charlotte about 'dreams', don't you?" Duke's tone was equal parts admiration and jealousy that he hadn't thought of it himself.

"With us there, yes. Let her either hang herself or if she really just believed what she said... she'll know the truth when we're done."

"Nate, you're sexy when you're plotting." Duke grinned, and the men kissed with Mara between them. She felt wrung out emotionally, but like someone had removed a great weight from her chest- and being between Duke and Nathan, their baby safe inside her while Audrey murmured encouragement made her feel safe. Safer than she'd felt since... maybe ever.

They believed her. They trusted her. They grieved for her. They _loved_ her.


	19. The Dreams in which I'm Dying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright intended (though I'll take it they offer it to me.)
> 
> Song for this chapter is Mad World by Gary Jules

It was mid-afternoon when they made their way out of the apartment. Mara was disgruntled, but had let Audrey choose all the clothes and makeup. They did have a job to do, so she only muttered quietly.

' _Incognito, remember? Besides, our right hand is broken, Mara. We'd probably make a mess anyway._ '

Mara considered. ' _How do you feel about tattoos?_ '

Audrey's horror was palpable. _'No, no way, nuh-uh. I- rather, Other Audrey- almost got one on spring break. Thank goodness they wouldn't tattoo a drunk client._ '

Mara chuckled, trying to adjust her (always beige. ugh.) sleeve so it would rest neatly against the cast. Mara's heart was thumping hard as they neared Charlotte's office. Mara had to stop outside the door, breathing deeply as she cleared her throat and schooled her features into her best "Audrey face". Duke rubbed her back gently, and Nathan took her good hand between both of his.

"Remember, she doesn't know we're with you. Doesn't know we love you. She thinks you're a voice in Audrey's head, okay? We won't leave you."

Audrey echoed his sentiment, trying to boost Mara's morale.

They all looked at each other before Mara nodded and rapped on the door.

"Come in! I was just thinking about you. How are you feeli- Audrey, what happened to your hand?!" Charlotte was in full mother-hen mode, and Mara had to squeeze Nathan's hand so she wouldn't say anything that could give her away. She tried to channel her inner Duke. What would Duke do? WWDD. That could be her new motto.

"A bicyclist, can you believe that? A town full of Troubles (Oh, she hated using that word) and a normal biker hit me. It's fine though, I don't feel it at all." Mara lied smoothly, prompted by Audrey.

"I don't want to be a bother, but I've been having these strange dreams and we figured if anyone would understand, you would." Mara smiled politely.

"Of course, sit down- I told you I always have time for you. What's wrong? Mara didn't take control again, did she?"

_'Oh Audrey. I want to slap her.'_

_'Not yet. Incognito, Mara.'_

"No, Charlotte, nothing like that." Mara took a seat between her boys. She needed them to keep her calm. "I think I'm having her dreams, or seeing her memories." Mara thought quickly, searching for something Charlotte would remember that Audrey didn't know.

"I saw a blue dress that... I think you sewed bells along the hem."

_Bingo_. Charlotte remembered, it was obvious on her face.

"How long has this been happening, Audrey?"

"Since I first approached you last week."

"Have you dreamed other things?"

"Yes. A pandemic, her father curing her. Worse things."

"What do you mean by 'worse', Audrey?"

This was it.

"I dreamed that men from some political group were yelling, waking her up, it sounded like you were there too. I could see her going out her bedroom window, I think she was running away, trying to protect someone, but William caught her first. I saw- felt, even- William sexually assaulting Mara under a huge tree.

"Little bits keep slipping through. Words like 'Occulus' and 'test subject'. It doesn't always make sense."

"Audrey, dreams are the conduit that relieves accumulated stress. All kinds of things get mixed up and then replay in different order while you sleep. Don't let it frighten you. It's normal to have dreams of violation in your position."

Mara was trying very, very hard not to glare. It was a massive effort.

"Was Mara's father named 'James'?"

_Ooh, got her again!_ She actually looked slightly disturbed.

"Yes, her father's name was James."

"What happened to him, Charlotte? Why isn't he here with you?"

Compared to Mara, Charlotte was a shitty liar. Audrey was keeping constant track of Charlotte's body language, making a catalogue of her Tells. Looking sideways, fiddling with a microscope, the pink hue that appeared on her throat- even tiny muscle twitches in her face.

"He's an important person where we come from. He doesn't have time to deal with this catastrophe Mara set in motion. I'm here so he isn't distracted from his work."

_'She's definitely lying, Mara.'_

_'Praise the lord and pass the ammunition. You finally get it._ ' Mara responded.

"For 500 years he couldn't see his daughter? Wow. I guess things _are_ different where you live."

"More than you can imagine."

"So, when you merged us, did her father know? Did he even know what you were doing with the Barn and the punishment?"

Charlotte bit her lip. "No, he didn't."

"What about you sleeping with Dwight?"

"No, James doesn't know." Charlotte laughed a little. "I doubt it will ever come up, considering the disaster that has to be fixed."

"You mean the Troubles Mara created?"

"Yes, exactly. I can't leave until things are under control."

"Why do you think she did it, anyway?"

"Arrogance, hubris... maybe she just liked watching people suffer."

"Howard said we could only end the Troubles by killing the person I loved most. I went through hell so I could avoid killing Nathan. If you wanted Mara to be good again, what's the point of making her kill someone?"

"Audrey has a point. That seems pretty counterintuitive. What was the deal, anyway?" Duke nudged Mara's foot with his own- a reminder that she wasn't alone anymore.

"That was a very loose interpretation that got convoluted. It wasn't just anyone she loved, it was supposed to be William."

"Oh, because Mara was in love with William then. Makes more sense than killing me, I guess." Nathan was a very good liar, when he needed to be. Four against one? Mara liked those odds.

"Charlotte, how long had Mara been with William? Was he always the way he is now? How old was Mara when they got together?"

Charlotte looked uncomfortable. _Good_.

"I honestly can't answer all those questions. I never really knew William- just that he was a bad influence. It wasn't long, I know. She was very young. What your people would call... I don't know, twelve? Time moves very differently in our world."

Mara feigned shock. "Twelve? That's a child! Was _anyone_  watching over her?"

"I did the best I could. I had my work, my husband... Mara had been so good most of her life."

"What about the pandemic I keep seeing? Did Mara get sick? And what's the 'Child of Ruin', exactly?"

Charlotte looked _very_ uneasy. They must be close to something.

"She got sick, yes. She's one of the few survivors, but her father refused to take blood to create an innoculation. I never really knew why until later- it was their responsibility to save as many people as possible. She was different when she got well, but not dangerous. She was a good girl.

"The 'Child of Ruin' was the moniker given to the sole survivor of the initial outbreak. Patient Zero. The pandemic started as a plague in a small settlement. When no one had heard from the village in awhile, a group went to check in. They found dozens of bodies, and one perfectly healthy girl. She was younger than Mara. Doctors studied her for awhile as the plague spread, becoming an epidemic and eventually a pandemic, and it was eventually decided that the girl herself was dangerous. They couldn't _prove_ she'd started the plague, but they couldn't prove she hadn't, either."

"What happened to her?" Duke asked. Mara noticed the muscle twitch in his jaw, but otherwise he looked totally at ease.

"She was declared a danger to public health."

"And?" Nathan prompted.

Charlotte leaned back in her chair, sighing. "And she was exiled to the Void."

Silence descended as Nathan and Duke took that in. Mara was the one to keep going.

"So, because a little girl happened to survive a plague without all your 'highly advanced, superior' help, they dumped her into the Void?" Audrey's disgust was impossible to hide, not that Mara would have tried. In fact, another question occurred to them both simultaneously. "Who the hell decided that?"

Charlotte's expression remained neutral, but her body language was decidedly uncomfortable- fidgeting with a pen as she answered. "There was an investigative council into the matter, and that council decided together."

Mara had to really _try_ to sound like Audrey now, and she was probably hurting Nathan's hand, she was squeezing so hard.

"Were you on that council, Charlotte?"

"Yes, I was. Along with 12 others. I don't expect you to understand. It wasn't something we decided easily."

Duke spoke up. "Why not just, I don't know, maybe quarantine her? And if she was responsible, you thought dumping her in this Void thing was more merciful than a quick death? Shit, if she was the one who started the plague, weren't you just risking whatever other people or worlds if she got out?" Duke liked to play the bad boy, but he had a keen sense of justice, and the more he heard about this other world the less he liked it.

"We have strict laws where I come from. We don't just kill unless there's concrete evidence that the accused committed the crime."

Mara was livid. Beyond livid, and she and Audrey were truly of one mind for a change. As they spoke, their thoughts wound together seamlessly.

"Then why all the trouble to force Mara to kill William? Too afraid to do it yourself, or did you just want a good excuse to execute Mara after?"

"Audrey, I know you don't understand, but-"

"You're damned right I don't! I have her _memories_ , Charlotte. She told you what William did to her and you did nothing to help her. I know something you don't- want to know what it is?"

Audrey had taken over in her anger, and Mara watched in fascination. "He left her _pregnant_ , Charlotte. She never loved William- she was a child who was raped and manipulated, but she still took the punishment for her father. She tried to hide here, away from that smug son of a bitch William and whatever plans he had for her. She wasn't even giving Troubles! She was helping people! Because you wouldn't step up and protect your daughter, William got here.

"HE turned the gifts malignant. He slaughtered her son in front of her! You let him go- a man who was capable of caring for himself- into the Void knowing he would come here eventually, yet you toss a poor defenseless child into the Void who hadn't done anything but _live_. Howard was right- you're everything that's wrong in your world."

Charlotte looked stunned, but Audrey was on a roll and she wasn't done talking.

"William raped your daughter, Charlotte, left her pregnant so she couldn't come home because of your ridiculous marriage laws. Your world isn't _advanced_ , it's barbaric and sick. A girl who suffers that kind of trauma needs love, not this sadistic maze you trapped her in.

"And the 'Child of Ruin'? Her name was _Jennifer_. She was a good person. She eventually made it out of the Void, but she died trying to help us. We didn't get sick. What you did to that girl was torture! She was so young when it happened that she didn't even know who she was- she had no memories of your world."

Charlotte gaped at her, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

"Did Mara tell you that?"

"Not all of it, no. She mentioned the 'Child of Ruin', but I'm the one who realized it was Jennifer.

"So let's cover what we know. Mara's father James made the decision to try to heal his daughter. He tried it here, and people got hurt, but he couldn't tell you because he wanted to give you plausible deniability. I understand all of that. She took the punishment for him because she- a _child_ \- felt expendable, even though she'd experienced a severe trauma just hours prior. That's bad enough.

"Then when she finally makes a life here, William tracks her down, murders her child and gets to run back home. Do you know what he did? Do you?"

Charlotte shook her head, mute.

"He _forced_ her to give him the ability to use Aether- while he held a knife to her child's throat. Then he killed him anyway! William used the ability to poison the gifts Mara had given people. He never loved her, she was a tool to him. And if you think she could possibly love him after what he'd done to her and her son, you're a fool."

Audrey was seething, overflowing with rage.

Charlotte took a deep breath, folding her hands on the desk in front of her. "Audrey, there's no evidence of anything like that. Mara could tell you anything."

"Right," Duke agreed, "Mara could say anything. Bring her father over, Charlotte. First round's on me."

"Duke's right. Her father knew she was pregnant. That's why she didn't want to go home, why he convinced them to start a town- because your ass-backward laws would make her William's wife. He was the one who suggested giving birth on this world instead of going home."

Nathan, who had remained quiet, spoke up. "Seems simple enough. Get her father, ask him. You got here, I'm sure he can too." His tone was so polite, so reasonable. So Nathan.

"I'm not sure it's that simple, but I'll try to make contact. Do you have any evidence of this?"

Audrey _did_ glare this time. "Other than, you know, having her memories?"

"Yes, Audrey. Besides seeing memories- that could be daydreams for all you know."

"Actually, we do." Duke spoke casually. "Good old Howard can't really testify from the great beyond, but does forensic evidence work for you? We know where Mara's son is buried. I'm just guessing here, but I assume you have what you need to run DNA testing, right?"

Mara and Audrey stared, watching Charlotte carefully. She looked disturbed, but not scared. She looked like she was trying very hard not to believe them.

"Yes, I can do the required testing... if there's a body." She looked at Nathan. "Do _you_ really believe this story?"

Nathan didn't hesitate, and Mara felt her heart twist with gratitude. "I do. We need to find a way to break the bond with William. It wasn't forged consensually, and we can't hurt him without hurting Mara and Audrey. They deserve to feel safe for once. Help us."

Mara thought his sincerity was one of his best qualities. How could anyone not admire it? Charlotte looked so torn though. Audrey, Nathan and Duke had done so much- it was her turn.

Mara stretched her shoulders, dropping the voice and expression that defined Audrey.

"Momma, if you ever loved me a single day of your life- listen to them."

"Dove?"

"It's me. It's all the truth, I swear to you. Byron knew. I'll show you my son's grave. I give you my word, I never wanted to hurt anyone until after the Barn." Mara let the maze flare to life, holding her wrist up to Charlotte. "Aether doesn't lie, Momma. _Give me a chance to protect them before he comes back._ I don't care what happens to me afterwards, but please. Please, I've never asked you for anything, you know that."

It was like the entire universe was holding its breath. Nobody moved.

Eventually, Charlotte sighed and her shoulders drooped. "I need some tools from home. Give me three days. I'll see what I can do."

"Just so we're clear, Doc- I care _very much_ what happens to Mara." Duke said, glaring.

"So do I. If you betray her, none of your laws or advanced technology will help you." Mara had never really seen Nathan threaten anyone but herself, and she had to admit- him jumping to her defense- it was hot. She squeezed his hand, silently grateful.

Audrey wasn't exactly the silent type though, and before Charlotte could respond, words were tumbling out. "I care too. She's suffered enough for a hundred lifetimes, and she belongs here- I _won't_ let her go. She belongs with us."

"Have you found anything about the bond itself?"

"I know he hurt her, forced her to repeat after him after he put Aether in her hand. Twice. And she slapped him both times, not knowing he'd put it on her. He had plans for her, Charlotte. I don't think love was ever part of the equation. I'm still learning about how things work there, but I feel like the answer to breaking the bond is there. Mara's brilliant, but she doesn't think like a cop."

' _Thank goodness for small favors_.' It felt like she said it out of habit, and lacked her usual snark.

"I'm going to find the answer, though- don't doubt that. And when I do... he won't live long enough to run back to your world. I never thought I'd say this about _anyone_ , but he doesn't deserve due process. He deserves to be put down like a rabid animal."

The men nodded, and for a minute, surrounded by love on both sides and the inside, Mara felt overwhelmingly safe and wanted. Enough that she wanted more. Enough to want to live through this, to fight for _herself_ too, not just them.

Self-worth was something she hadn't felt in a very, very long time.

"Friday, then? That gives me time to go back, get my instruments, hopefully talk to James."

Worry was etched into the doctor's face, but she stood and came around the desk to kneel before Mara. Mara's fear was palpable and Duke and Nathan tensed, alert; Nathan holding her hand while Duke squeezed her knee, moving forward slightly like some human shield.

"If I've been wrong... I don't deserve your forgiveness, Dove, but I _am_ sorry. I should have listened to you, should have investigated more. You do understand that I never knew you had a child, don't you?"

Mara nodded. Charlotte stared at her daughter for a moment, just trying to read her face. A single silent tear slipped down her cheek.

Mara hadn't planned to bring it up, but she couldn't stop herself.

"Momma, why did you turn Daddy in? I saw your journal, I knew you stopped loving me because I was a freak, but why Daddy? You loved him. Was the law really that important to you?"

Utter confusion crossed Charlotte's face, and her voice matched it. "I didn't turn James in, Mara. I never thought you were a freak. How could you get that idea from my journal?"

"I read it myself. All the notes calling me "The Subject", all the lines about your duty to turn him in. How you should have let me die in the Pandemic."

Charlotte looked like Mara was speaking a foreign language, and suddenly, Audrey snapped the pieces together.

' _Oh my god. Mara, William gave you that journal. **William**. He got you to show him your father's notes, he could have forged the journal. It's common in abusive relationships- the abuser manipulates everything so the victim has nobody else to tun to, so they're forced to rely on the abuser. Everything in that journal was based on things you'd already told him!_ '

"No. No. Tell me it was real, Momma. Tell me that William didn't fake that journal." Mara was begging, and it was ridiculous- she'd wanted her mother to love her, she always had.

But the idea that she was stupid enough to fall for a forgery was terrible, and she hadn't had centuries to get used to that idea. Her intellect and her ability to use Aether were the only things she'd truly relied on. If she'd let herself be manipulated so easily, she wasn't nearly as intelligent as she'd thought.

"Mara, I swear to you, I never wrote anything like that. I didn't turn James in, and I wouldn't have even if I HAD known. I would have sold my own soul to make you well."

"William." Mara said flatly. Her heart was racing, and she realized she was breathing too fast, starting to hyperventilate. "I'm think I might be sick."

Duke and Nathan rubbed her back as the room spun crazily, Duke telling her to put her head between her knees. Charlotte opened a cabinet, pulling out a small package of pills.

"Zofran." she explained. "It's an anti-nausea medication that's sometimes used to treat hyperemesis gravidarum. Morning sickness. Just dissolve one under your tongue."

Mara took the pill gratefully.

"Audrey thinks William forged the journal. That he turned Daddy in. That's how he knew I'd show up under that tree. How could I be so stupid?"

"Stop that." Duke frowned at her. "I don't want to hear anyone talk that way about the woman I love. Not even you."

"I think what he's trying to say is it's not your fault, Mara. You were a child. You were different from other kids and that's scary. I know first-hand." Nathan smiled to take the sting out of his words. "You weren't stupid. Young and scared, yes, and he's a good manipulator. Stop blaming yourself. Please. You're torturing yourself over things you couldn't control. Don't let the past control your future. Here, with me and Duke and Audrey."

He hugged her, and she hugged him back, letting the hurt and humiliation from that awful, foolish slip go. This was proof that he cared about her- loved her. An accidental slip of the tongue was nothing.

"My turn." Duke ordered, and Mara laughed as she turned into his embrace.

"Dove?" Charlotte spoke hesitantly, like she was afraid. "Is it too late for us? Can you forgive me?"

"If you help me save my family I'd forgive you anything." Fighting the centuries of pain and anger, Mara opened her arms and hugged her mother. They weren't whole- yet- but it was a start.

This was love. The unquantifiable, ephemeral emotion that she thought she'd understood. William was wrong. Love didn't make you weak, love made you strong.

Strong enough to stop him. She wouldn't let him take anything else from her.


	20. The World and the Seven Seas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't own them
> 
> Over on tumblr, user hishandstho has created lovely fanart based on this story! I am deeply touched.
> 
> I've received several p.m's requesting more sex, and I take requests very seriously. This chapter is rated M for a reason, folks. 
> 
> Part of one scene was inspired by a story on AO3 by roseveare. It's called "Ghost Town" and I love it. archiveofourown.org/works/2519312 
> 
> Song for this chapter is Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) by the Eurythmics

They met at the Gull after Audrey and Nathan were done for the day, Audrey insisting they should eat among others so they could experience a little normalcy. Duke bounded over as soon as he saw them.

He passed Nathan a beer, Audrey sparkling water. She glared mutinously, wrinkling her nose at the bubbly water.

"Don't be a baby. I have a surprise for you anyway."

She took the glass, looking slightly mollified. "What is it?"

"Nope, not til we're home. Trust me. It's a very _cool_ surprise." He winked at her and she tilted her head, trying to puzzle out the hidden meaning in his words.

"Will I like it?"

"You liked yoga, right?"

"I liked the last few positions." Audrey replied dryly. He threw back his head, laughing with his whole body.

"I miss something?" Nathan asked.

"One hell of a show, Nate. With audience participation." Duke slung an arm over Nathan's shoulder, leaning in to whisper in his ear. Audrey slid her hand up his shirt, spreading her hand against his skin, brushing the fingers that stuck out from the cast against Nathan's hand. Nathan didn't yelp or jump, but he shivered deliciously; Audrey felt his goosebumps and muscles deep inside her clenched, a slow burn warming her from the inside.

Duke was whispering something she couldn't hear, but Nathan's eyes turned dark and hungry, and she was pretty sure it wasn't for food.

The way Duke and Nathan looked at each other, she was tempted to write them a ticket for public indecency. It was pure eye porn, watching them stare at each other, Duke's arm still around Nathan. It was turning her on, if she was honest. She pressed her legs together, trying to find some relief for the ache.

How the hell had they flown under the town's radar? It had been obvious to Audrey since she'd first come to Haven. People just couldn't wind you up _that much_ unless you cared about them. She wondered if the citizens were completely blind, or just didn't care. Even now, as she studied the people around them with Duke still touching Nathan, the few people who looked glanced away again, like there was nothing to see.

So why did she find it so unbelievably sexy?

She flexed her fingers, pressing her fingernails into the skin of Duke's back, and he growled, quiet and low in his chest.

"When will you be done here?" She asked, before they could start whispering again.

Duke flashed her a predatory smile. "Why, you have something you want to do?" She leaned in closer, so she wouldn't be overheard. "Yes. There's a show I've been dying to see." She leaned up more, pressing her face as close to her boys' as possible, so they could both hear her. "I want to see you scream, Duke. I want to hear Nathan's name in your mouth. I want to _watch_." Her voice was pure, pent-up desire, and the looks they gave her stoked the fire. Unsurprisingly, Duke liked dirty talk, and though Nathan could still be adorably shy about sex, she knew he liked it when she was direct.

Duke swallowed reflexively, and Audrey drew her nails down, scratching him. Marking him.

"Yeah, you know, I _pay_ these people. Let me delegate, two minutes tops. Don't move." He hurried away, and she chuckled, meeting Nathan's eyes. She pointedly gazed at his lips, wanting to know how far she could take him without actually touching him. Her fingertips were still pressed against his hand, but she didn't move them. She licked her lips slowly, eyes moving down his body slowly. He shifted a little, and she could see the bulge against his jeans.

Audrey looked into his eyes. Voice husky with lust, she said, "I want to watch you take him. And then I want to take you myself. I _need_ you, Nathan."

"If he's not ready in ten seconds, I'm going to carry you upstairs and start without him."

She smiled, biting her lip.

Duke half-ran back to them, a soft-side cooler in his hand. She looked at it curiously. "For later. Your surprise."

Nathan was already leading them upstairs.

They'd barely cleared the threshold before Duke set the cooler down, grabbing Audrey's hand and pulling her against him and Nathan. As soon as they were touching, he grabbed Nathan, kissing him like he was the only man in the world.

She had a feeling that for Duke, he really was. She felt it in her bones. Nathan was obviously Dukes first love, and she was willing to bet the reverse was also true. Audrey watched them kissing, fascinated as they tugged at each other's clothes. She took her hands away for a moment, enough for them to pull their shirts off, and the momentary disappearance of feeling made Nathan whine- a needy sound deep in his throat. She replaced her fingers as soon as the shirts were off.

They staggered to her bed, Audrey carefully keeping contact with them as they moved. This would be a lot easier if she wasn't so _necessary_. She thought about that.

_'Mara?'_

_'Hmm?'_ Mara replied, distracted by the show.

_'If you fixed Duke, does that mean we can cure Nathan?'_

_'Yes, it does. But it's not tested yet. We need to take a damaged gift from someone in a controlled test environment- I'm not willing to risk Nathan. Besides, if the pain that spawned the original gift comes back, I want Aether on hand to take the pain away, and if I wait for Duke to give me the processed Aether, I won't be able to focus when Nathan needs help. No, it has to be someone else first. I think it should be Dwight.'_

Audrey refocused on her boys. Their hands were everywhere, stroking and tugging as Duke fought to pull Nathan's belt off, already opening his fly as Nathan did the same to Duke. She took their guns, placing them on her nightstand as quickly as possible before replacing her hands, connecting them.

They were frenzied, but not clumsy. They moved in sync, like people coming back together from a long separation, and they traced the differences that time had left on them. They weren't 21 anymore. A lot had changed for both of them, but as she watched Nathan kneel on the bed between Duke's legs, she was glad for that period of absence, more glad that she was here to be part of their reunion.

Nathan had a bottle of lubricant out, slowly massaging it into Duke, preparing him as Duke shuddered and moaned. Audrey opened her left hand that had been touching Duke, and Nathan obligingly squirted a little of the oil into her palm. Mmm. The warming one.

She put her slicked up hand on Duke, wrapping her fingers around his length. He was definitely wound tight; as she squeezed him, he threw his head back into the pillows, leaving Nathan enough room to lean forward and bite his neck. Duke gasped.

"Oh, look at him, Nathan." She continued to stroke Duke slowly, tightening and loosening her grip in intervals. She ran her thumb over his head, spreading the bead of moisture into the slick, warm oil. Duke wasn't even trying for words now, just groaning and stuttering incomprehensibly. "I think it's time, Nathan. Is it time, Duke?" She asked sweetly.

Duke tried to glare at her, but she squeezed again and his eyes rolled back. She knelt on the bed, fingertips of her right hand pressed carefully to Nathan's leg, left hand still stroking agonizingly slowly. Nathan positioned himself, whispering, "Tell me if I hurt you. Promise, Duke."

"Yes, promise. Fuck, _please_ Nate!"

The look on Nathan's face as he pressed slowly into Duke almost made Audrey cry. As long as they'd been apart, as long as they'd been fighting, he still gazed down with adoration, like he'd found a priceless artifact that he had thought lost forever.

Duke's expression was similar, but Audrey could detect the smallest trace of fear, as though he expected to wake cold and alone back on his boat. She vowed that they would get rid of that fear.

The sounds they made were like music to her, music that went straight to her core, tightening the already aching muscles to the point of pain. She couldn't even touch herself, focused on keeping her hands on her men. It felt like she was burning alive, desperate for touch. But it was their turn.

Duke couldn't keep still. Nathan rocked deep inside him, and he was so _close_. So damed close. But every time he was sure he was about to climax, Audrey squeezed the base of his cock, preventing his release and making him tense harder. Eventually though, he heard Nathan's moans pick up, heard the note of imminent orgasm as Nathan said Duke's name, and suddenly Audrey was _really_ working him in long, sure strokes.

They came together, Duke choking out Nathan's name in a harsh cry, Nathan pushing deep as he came, dropping his head to Duke's shoulder, trailing kisses. Audrey waited for them to part before she pulled her hands back, hopping up to wash her hand and fingers, bringing a towel and a warm, damp wash cloth for her boys.

They were tangled up together and they looked exhausted, like they couldn't move if they tried.

She took the washcloth, cleaning Nathan, then Duke. It was intensely personal, perhaps more intimate than sex itself. The level of commitment and trust required was far beyond primal gratification. When they were clean and dry, she put everything in the hamper, pulling off her own clothes with one hand and slipping into a short lacy nightgown with straps.

"Do you guys need some water or anything?"

Nathan grumbled, noncommittal. Duke smiled lazily. "Just you. Come here." He held the covers up and she climbed in on the side of the bed, resting her arm across Duke to press her fingers against Nathan on his other side. She could tell the instant her fingers touched him, because he practically melted against Duke, pliant and snuggly in his post-coital haze. Audrey propped herself up with her elbow, left hand stroking Duke's hair unconsciously.

"So... I know you're sleepy, but I believe I was promised a present?"

Duke laughed lazily. "I never exactly said present, Audrey. I said 'surprise.' And yes, I do have one for you. I seem to have misplaced my skeleton though. You may have to wait a little bit." Duke yawned dramatically, stretching.

She wanted to pout, but reminded herself that tonight was about Nathan and Duke. "Tomorrow is fine." She stretched out to sleep, keeping her arm over Duke and the fingers sticking out of the cast against Nathan. She wasn't sleepy though. She was still strung tight, nerves and muscles jumpy, itching for release. She didn't want to take care of it on her own though, not with a broken hand and two men in her bed.

This was definitely going to take some practice.

' _They're beautiful._ ' Mara said, sounding wistful.

_'They really are. And they're ours.'_

_'I've been thinking.'_

_'What about?'_

_'Nathan asked me why you're the only one here with me. Why Lucy and Sarah and the others aren't here. I told him that I think you lived because you had him and Duke fighting for you, refusing to let go. I think it's more than that, though.'_

_'What do you mean?'_

_'I think maybe it was me. Those girls were me. They could give me anyone's memories, but that didn't rewrite my soul. That's why you're special. You developed a separate soul. The others were- are- all ME. Me the way I was when I got here. Different names, different histories, but all still me. I don't know if it was just them, or part you, because you were more self-aware than the others, but you have your own soul, so you'll always exist. When I think of the others' memories, I feel like they're my own. That's why Sarah named the baby James.'_

_'That seems reasonable. Why do you sound sad?'_

_'Because this isn't fair. You have a body and soul. You shouldn't have to share. They shouldn't have to accept me because they want to be with you.'_

_'I thought we were past this? You know they love you.'_

_'They wouldn't if not for you. Nathan wanted to slit my throat. I'm not saying they hate me. Just that it's not fair that they don't have a choice. They deserve that. **You** deserve that.'_

Audrey was suddenly anxious, afraid Mara was keeping something from her- that maybe she hadn't given up on the thought of dying, just kept it quiet.

' _Mara, we're a team. We want you here. I want you here. You said you want me to have a choice. This is my choice, and I'm asking you to quit searching for an out. Please, quit beating yourself up. Promise me you won't try to harm yourself._ '

' _Fine, whatever. I promise. Take the pills. I'm hurting... please._ '

Audrey felt Mara pull back- still watching and listening, but only that- cut off in some self-imposed exile.

Still worried, Audrey raised her head to look at her boys.

Both asleep. Typical.

Audrey eased herself out of bed, careful not to wake the men.

She slipped out to the living room, grabbing the prescription bottle from her counter and pouring some water to take the pills. She spotted the cooler still on the floor by the door, and decided that if it needed a cooler to bring upstairs, she should probably see if it needed to go in the fridge or freezer. Duke had already said it wasn't a present, so it wasn't exactly peeking. Besides, she had to work tomorrow, and nothing lasted 24 hours in those little coolers.

She picked it up by the strap, carrying it over to the counter. Audrey tiptoed over to check that they were still sleeping.

"Duke," she whispered, "should I put your stuff in the freezer?" She came closer. "Duke?"

Nothing. He was as bad as Nathan.

Audrey grabbed her phone from the nightstand, quickly snapping a pair of pictures of her sleeping boys, then went back to the kichen, quietly unzipping the cooler. She felt like she was snooping, which was ridiculous. They were in her apartment. She just got it unzipped and was about to flip the top open when she was grabbed up and snatched away by strong arms.

She reacted on instinct, bringing her knees up to kick backwards while throwing her elbow back.

"Umph! Knock it off, Audrey, it's me!" Audrey went limp, pulling her kick just in time.

"Duke! You scared the shit out of me! I could have hurt you!" She gasped.

"You were snooping."

"I was not! I was being thoughtful, trying to keep your stuff from melting. Now put me down!"

"Give me one good reason."

"Because I said so. That's one."

"I said a good reason."

"Because I'm going to hurt you if you don't."

He considered. He set her carefully on her feet, and then he ducked, throwing her over his shoulder liked she weighed nothing. He had am arm around her legs and she hung upside down over his back. She scrambled to grab onto him, realizing he was naked, she finally just wrapped her arms tight around his waist.

"If you drop me, you're a dead man." Audrey muttered, lips against the skin of his back. She took a deep breath, blowing a raspberry against him.

He swatted her ass, then grabbing the cooler, carried her out to the porch, where he finally set her on her feet. She leaned against the railing, looking out over the water.

"Why are you out of bed, Audrey?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"Hmm. We kind of left you hanging, didn't we?"

"Kind of. I understand, though. Mara was hurting, so I went to take the pills, saw the cooler..." She shrugged, examining the profile of his body in the moonlight. One of the things she admired about Duke was how comfortable he was with his body. He enjoyed nudity.

He wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling her hair. "Nathan may be comatose, but I'm awake. It's a nice night, the crowd is gone..."

"Are you coming on to me, Crocker?"

"There are so many filthy jokes you just left a perfect opening for, I can't even pick one. Let's enjoy the moonlight, Audrey."

She thought about it for about three seconds. "We need a blanket. I have no desire to be pulling splinters out of us for the next three days." She went inside, pulling the blanket from the back of the couch as she returned. He took it, spreading it out on the porch.

Duke pulled Audrey down with him, and the moonlight glinted on his eyes, as if Duke was another wave out on the sea. His hair moved slightly in the soft breeze. Staring at him, she felt like the outside world had disappeared, that she was trapped in a snowglobe, a perfect moment that existed outside of time.

Audrey knelt before Duke, and as the sound of the waves lapped below them, she crawled forward, intent. She slowly climbed into his lap, straddling him. She splayed her left hand against his chest, watching the play of moonlight on their skin. Her hand was bleached white on his skin as she traced the planes of his chest and stomach, running her nails over him. From nipple to nipple she traced, then from his chin, down along his throat, over his sternum and down his stomach, fingers teasing at the top of the thatch of his hair.

He caught the hem of her nightie, pulling it off as she raised her arms helpfully. Audrey shivered as the air touched her bare skin.

The fire that had started to ebb roared back to life, making her feel overheated, more sensitive to the chill of the breeze. She grabbed his hair, pulling his mouth to hers as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She heard a faint rustle as she explored his mouth, breathing his air, holding him.

His arm was solid across her back, and suddenly his other hand was at her breast, brushing a piece of ice against her right nipple. Audrey gasped, back arching. Duke took the opening to latch onto her neck, and as he sucked and bit, she remembered an old dream she'd had, where a random Trouble had made Duke into a vampire. The dream had affected her more than it should have- she hadn't been able to look at Duke for a solid week back when she'd had it.

Remembering it now, naked and straddling him as he nipped her throat, she couldn't control herself. She adjusted her hips and ground down, enveloping him. They gasped in chorus, and he wrapped both arms around her, his fingers wet and cold from the ice. She didn't stop, she had to keep moving. Like that silly movie with the bomb on a bus, she was sure she'd explode if she slowed or stopped.

He took one arm away, the other holding her tighter as he adjusted to her desperate rhythm. When his hand came back, he was trailing another ice cube up her spine. Her whole body clenched, the squeezing of her internal muscles drawing a moan from him. She pressed her face into his neck, biting hard.

This was a difference between her boys. Duke felt pain, but he also appreciated it in the right circumstances.

Sex was almost always the right circumstance.

He grunted as her teeth pressed him, not quite breaking skin. He thrust upwards, farther into her as he murmured, "Is that the best you can do?" He wound a fist in her hair, pulling her head back as he attacked her neck with renewed fervor.

Audrey moved faster, harder, almost painfully. It was perfection. Her muscles tightened, her breath coming faster. She felt Duke's chill, wet fingers against her there where they were joined and then they moved up, surrounding the bundle of nerves that, to her, proved there was indeed a god, and that he _fucking loved us_.

She bit his shoulder to keep from screaming. A hoarse cry still sounded from her throat.

Duke had both hands on her hips, moving her slowly and constantly, in time with the rushing waves as the orgasm tore through her. Audrey's eyes slipped closed, lost in sensation. Cautious not to break the spell, Mara opened up the smallest trace of her hypersensitivity, making everything stronger for Audrey.

Yes. Duke _lived_ in time with the world. He breathed with the wind, thrust with the waves. Audrey felt the stars above them moving in time with Duke's heartbeat. She focused on one star; suddenly the earth started reversing the direction of it's spin, her perspective changed, and she saw everything differently. Duke didn't move to match the world. The world moved in time with _him_. The stars didn't shine unless he smiled, the sea itself awaited his permission to move. He was brilliant, a young god who didn't even know his own power yet. And he was _theirs_.

Her universe- inside and around her. His child growing within her, even managing to shape _her_ to his will, when she'd never submitted to anyone.

As the thought cascaded over her, another matched it. This wasn't submission. This was _union_. Souls working in tandem, always with a common goal. They both had to submit, to meet new and naked in the middle if they were going to grow into something greater. The same idea, repeated thousands of ways over her life. Separate yet equal, equal yet opposite. Yin and Yang, always in balance. She couldn't be with just one man, because she wasn't just one woman. She needed a pair to balance her- one that perfectly balances itself, too. To complete her, to make her stronger, she needed that matched set.

She wasn't sure how or when they'd moved, but he was above her when she focused again. Glorious as a new sun he shone on her, and a thought repeated in her mind as she stared into his eyes, her body shaking apart around him again as he came deep inside her.

The thought continued as he carried her to bed and stretched out next to her. It even followed her into sleep, as she fought her drooping eyelids to stare into his eyes.

' _What are you?_ '


	21. Just as Before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not mine (But not really Stephen King's either.)  
> Dual songs for this chapter: Beyond the Sea, by Jack Lawrence, released in 1949  
> Joy to the World, by Three Dog Night, released in 1971 
> 
> I know a lot of writers tag songs in chapters, and I know a lot of you, like me, ignore the songs. In the case of this story, each song really was selected for particular reasons, so I really suggest checking online for the songs you don't know.

When they left the apartment on Wednesday, Mara had insisted on bringing Duke along. They would technically be at work, but Mara thought it was a perfect time to try removing a gift.

Two birds, one stone.

"I think we need to talk to Dwight, and probably Vince and Dave." Mara eventually said.

"Why Vince and Dave?" Duke questioned.

"We need Vince to help keep the Guard out of the way- if they're getting one set of instructions from Dwight and another from Vince, it'll get messy. Besides, I owe them."

Nathan nodded thoughtfully. "Dwight first, then?"

"Dwight first."

* * *

Duke was a little disturbed, the way nobody even blinked anymore when he showed up at the precinct. If this kept up, he was going to have to insist that he go on the payroll.

Dwight's office was open when they arrived. Mara knocked anyway, waiting for him to look up before they came in.

"Do you have a few minutes, Dwight?"

"Sure, sit down." He looked at Duke as the door closed. "I'm guessing this isn't official business."

"Not precisely, no. No paperwork to file. But it does involve you, and the people who report to you."

They sat, and Mara thought for a second. "I -we- have some things to explain. Mostly me, I guess, but I thought we'd be more comfortable with these two."

"This is going to be bad, isn't it?"

"No? Yes? Decide after, ok? But I'm Mara right now. Audrey's here too, they'll verify I'm not trying to take over or anything."

"No," Duke interrupted, "she's not trying to take over, she's trying to get herself killed."

"Stop being mad about that, Duke. I told you I'd do my best. Can we not rehash this now?" Duke shrugged, and she hooked her ankle around his, resting her casted hand on his leg.

Dwight watched with narrowed eyes, sipping his coffee.

"Your great-great...very great grandfather was named Joshua. He and his brother Jacob were the first Gifted people in your family. Jacob was first, technically, but he never had children, so it came to you through Joshua.

"They volunteered, you know. Your whole family has always been trying to help people. They wanted to be Paladins. The original gift just made them frontline fighters- any aggressor would be drawn to them first, and they were very strong, very brave. They could fight off anything, allowing the people around them to get to safety.

"Joshua's brother Jacob was a very close friend of mine."

* * *

 

Mara told her story again, and she could see by the pity in his eyes that he believed her.

"I know it's too late for your daughter, and I'm sorry. I wish I could fix that. But I had no way of safely removing a gift... until now."

"What do you mean, 'until now'? Are you saying you do have a way to end the Troubles?"

Mara gazed at Duke, silently asking his permission. He looked worried, but he trusted her enough to nod slightly.

"Not all at once, no. But individually... yeah, we do. _If_ you and Duke can trust me enough to try. We should go somewhere we can test it, though. And bring a vest for Duke, just in case."

"Mara, if I get shot, I'm going to be seriously vexed." Duke tried to sound teasing, but missed the mark.

She put her hand to his cheek. "I wouldn't risk you for _anything_ , you should know that. Besides, that's why we're bringing a vest!" She laughed at the look on his face and kissed his cheek. "We'll use a .22, even if it hits the vest, it probably won't even knock you down. And when this works- and it will- you'll be _everyone's_ hero. You're already my hero."

"Okay, stop with the sweet talk. I'll do it. I don't want the Chris Brody treatment, but you'll owe me later- a _personal_ favor." Duke winked, lecherous.

They went to the range, which was empty.

Mara turned to Dwight, held her left wrist out and let the Maze flare to life. " _Can_ you trust me?"

He looked at her, astonished. "I thought only birthright Guardians could do that."

"That much is true, at least. You guys haven't forgotten everything. Except for the fact that you're _all_ birthright guardians."

"Then how... nevermind. You can tell me later. What do we need to do?"

The men stood around her, and she borrowed Nathan's knife.

"Duke, it's just like we discussed. Take the Aether back. When you release it this time, I'll be here. Don't be afraid. Don't think about anything that upsets you, okay?"

He took a deep breath and nodded, blowing out heavily.

"Dwight, hold out your hand, and try to keep still. I'm working with one hand, so I can't exactly restrain you."

Mara took a deep breath and carefully cut into the palm of Dwight's hand. Duke immediately reached out to catch the drops of blood.

Duke's eyes rolled back, and Nathan held him upright, whispering encouragement in his ear. When the silver eyes met hers, she was relieved to see no madness, no thirst. Just her Duke.

A fat, black tear formed in his eye and he blinked, letting it out. Mara had her hand out, beckoning, and the tear made a beeline for the Maze on her wrist. She shivered, rolled her fingers together, and the tear formed a solid black orb in her palm that they all recognized.

Clean Aether.

She put it carefully in her pocket, wrapped in tissue. Her heart was sprinting, trying to get away from her body. She focused on keeping her voice calm and precise.

"Okay, good. Vests secure? Nathan, aim for the target. In 3, 2, 1-" She held her breath.

The soft crack of the .22 sounded, and the bullet hit the paper target, center mass.

"Again." Mara ordered quietly.

Another crack.

Another hole.

_No deviation_.

They all exhaled at once. Duke was patting himself all over, looking for holes. When he looked at her, his eyes were normal, and he was grinning. They looked at Dwight, unharmed, and Mara squealed- actually _squealed_ \- with joy.

"You did it!" She leapt on Duke, hugging him so hard he thought the bullet might have been less painful, kissing him til he was dizzy and breathless. They all crowded around, Mara running her hands over them, ecstatic. Nathan got a bone-crushing hug next, then he took Duke aside for closer examination as she threw herself at Dwight, laughing and crying all at once.

"Thank you, thank you. Jacob would be so proud."

Dwight was hugging her back, stunned. "Does this mean it's gone? Not just from me, but every Hendrickson, forever?"

"Yes." Mara nodded solemnly. "All of it- not just the bullet-magnet, but also the original gift, the protection one. I could redo it, without the bullet-attraction, but that would be your choice. It's not your fight. You've done enough, I'm not going to ask for more. I just want you to be happy."

Dwight looked like he'd just witnessed a natural disaster, not been saved from the Trouble that had brought him to Haven in the first place.

"I won't be able to protect people?"

"Of course you will, you silly, adorable fool. You protected people before your gift activated, I know you did. You'll just have more choice in the matter. If you decide you want a gift to help you do that, I'll give it- but think about it. Enjoy a little normal while you can.

"Eventually, William will be back, and that affects you, too. But not today, Dwight."

Mara reached out, unfastening the ever-present flak jacket, grunting as she tried to pull it off of him with one hand. After a moment, he caught on, ducking to help her remove it. He stretched, obviously feeling naked without it.

"Come tell me, or Audrey or Duke or Nathan, if you decide you want something. If it's in my power, I'll do it."

"I don't know what to say. Thank you, all of you." He looked at Nathan, remembering his anger when the meteors were falling. "I was wrong, you know. You did the right thing."

Nathan looked a little sad, and Duke and Mara wondered what they'd missed.

"I understand. Always did. Just try to keep the Guard off us for awhile."

"No." Mara spoke suddenly. "Talk to the Guard. Show them. I need to talk to them all. Make a list, please, of the worst afflicted. Find a way to get them to me. We should help as many as possible, right away- while there's time. Tell them that I will fix their afflictions and give new gifts to anyone who wants to stay a Guardian. And for gods sake, tell them to stop with the tattoos. I'll explain when we meet. Just tell me when you know."

Nathan stopped her, a hand on her arm. "Mara, are you-"

"Yes, Nathan. I'm sure. Too many secrets, remember? Oh. Speaking of, Dwight- you should know- we're pregnant. We're not telling everyone just yet, but we can't hide it much longer. So if you could warn us if one of them wants to take a shot at me, I'd appreciate it."

Poor Dwight. What a lot to take in for one day. He looked like he needed a nap or a drink. Mara elbowed Duke. 'Free drinks' she mouthed at him.

"What, seriously?"

She narrowed her eyes at Duke. "If you want to do ' _yoga_ ' again."

"I almost took a bullet- alright, _alright_. Free drinks for you at the Gull tonight, Sasquatch. I'll tell the staff."

* * *

 

Back in the Bronco, driving towards the Herald, Mara put her hand on Nathan's knee.

"I'm going to fix you, too. I just... I should feel bad about this, but I didn't want to try it on you until I knew it would work. And then we were with Dwight, and I figured maybe it should just be the four of us." She blushed, and Nathan smirked.

"If we didn't have to deal with Vince and Dave, I'd stop the truck right here. Give the good citizens a free show."

Mara, Audrey and Duke laughed.

* * *

Mara had been trying to think about what to say to the Teagues', but she still hadn't figured it out when they pulled up.

_'Just tell the truth. Wing it. It usually works for me.'_

_'When I don't plan, things get screwed up.'_

_'Things get screwed up when we **do** plan. Trust me.'_

_'I know I told you what that meant. Hey, it's almost 5:30. Maybe they went home already.'_

_'Come on, don't get chicken on me now. You've been amazing today. Let's do this so we can fix Nathan.'_

Mara huffed and hopped out after Duke.

The brothers were bickering as usual when they walked in, which immediately put Audrey on edge.

Conversely, it soothed Mara, and in a tidal wave of memory and emotion, she _knew_.

' _I remember this. I know what to do._ '

Mara took a deep breath, looking between the strange, yet completely familiar brothers. She walked up to Vince, taking his hand and pulling him up. He looked utterly bewildered. She pulled him away from the desk, then put one hand on his shoulder, still holding his other hand- a dance position.

Then she opened her mouth and sang.

" _Somewhere, beyond the sea_

_Somewhere waiting for me_

_My lover stands on golden sands_

_and watches the ships that go sailing._

_Somewhere, beyond the sea_

_She's there watching for me_

_If I could fly like birds on high_

_Then straight to her arms I'd go sailing_

_It's far beyond the stars It's near beyond the moon_

_I know beyond a doubt_

_My heart will lead me there soon_

_We'll meet beyond the shore_

_We'll kiss just as before_

_Happy we'll be beyond the sea_

_And never again I'll go sailing_ "

Vince had fallen right into the past, and he moved automatically, dancing Mara around the room, only stopping when Mara stopped singing and hugged him, trying not to cry.

Everyone was silent, Vince and Dave staring at her with wide eyes.

"Sarah?" Vince asked, barely above a whisper.

Mara let go and moved closer to Dave until she was right next to their desks, the window behind her making her blonde hair glow like a halo.

She rolled Dave's chair back, perching carefully on his good leg, cautious not to hurt him. She held out her left wrist- blank- and started singing again.

"J _eremiah was a bullfrog, was a good friend of mine_

_I never understood a single word he said_

_But I helped him drink his wine_

_And he always had some mighty fine wine_

_Singin' Joy to the world_

_All the boys and girls_

_Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea_

_Joy to you and me."_

Dave's eyes were like saucers, a brilliant smile on his face as he sang with her, wrapping his arms around her.

" _If I were the king of the world_

_Tell you what I'd do_

_I'd throw away the cars and the bars and the war_

_and make sweet love to you_

_Joy to the world_

_All the boys and girls_

_Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea_

_Joy to you and me_

_You know I love the ladies_

_Love to have my fun_

_I'm a high life flyer and a rainbow rider_

_A straight shootin' son-of-a-gun_

_I said a straight shootin' son-of-a-gun_ "

As they sang the chorus, she let the Maze flare to life on her wrist, and for perhaps the first time ever, someone had finally, finally rendered the Teagues brothers speechless.

For a moment, anyway.

"Lucy?" Dave asked.

She touched her forehead to his. "Both. Neither. Will you listen to me before you do anything? And don't think I don't remember where you keep that gun, Vincent." She stood and strode purposefully to the shelves on the wall, moving the exact book that had been here when she'd been Lucy and reaching behind to pull out a small, worn photo album.

She opened it carefully and smiled. "You didn't forget."

"Of course not." Vince rumbled. His voice made her think of thunder and rainstorms, shelter and protection, sharing secrets over brandy, and the heartbroken tears of a mother without her baby, and she reached out to stroke his face, leaning in to gently kiss the man he'd been, the man she remembered. Then she turned to Dave, resting her hand on his cheek and kissing him, too. Nothing graphic, but the setting felt too intimate for outsiders.

"Thank you for everything. I'm sorry I had to leave. I know how hard you tried, and _I loved you too_. Thanks for getting James to the Barn for me."

She was smiling, but tears rolled down her cheeks. "It's time to show Nathan and Duke. Past time. But I'm glad you waited for me."

"Who are you?" Vince breathed.

She knelt next to the desks, putting the photo album down so she could take their hands. She carefully folded the fingers on her broken hand as far as possible into Dave's, her left in Vince's. "I'm all of them. My name is Mara. Please, don't move. Just listen. If you're worried, call Dwight. I'll explain everything in a minute. I have to show them this first. Okay? Then we'll talk.

"Actually," she said thoughtfully, "you might want to call Dwight sooner rather than later. I have a feeling he might get drunk."

She stood, taking the book, and brought it to her boys.

"Would you like to see our son, Nathan?"

"There are pictures?" His eyes were bright, either from excitement or tears, and she nodded.

"The boys studied photography. I asked June Cogan to send some every so often as he grew. I always... she always... wanted to find a way back. I know I'm not exactly her, but I remember everything."

She opened the first page. An old photograph of Sarah, bright red hair and secretive smile, greeted them. Her body was sideways, delicate hand on her swollen belly. Nathan, Duke and Audrey were fascinated, and Mara reminded herself that they'd never seen these, and that it was irrational to feel jealous.

That small, doubting part of her reached for Duke's hand, placing it on her barely-there bump.

She continued to flip pages slowly, as Duke moved behind her to watch over her shoulder as he held her. They stood against Nathan, all managing to touch as they watched.

Page by page- every two weeks, Mara recalled- there was another picture of her and her growing abdomen. There were a few candid shots mixed in- her laughing with Dave, one where she was eating pie straight from the tin that she obviously hadn't expected.

Then, pictures of James. Many of him as a newborn, before Sarah had chosen the Cogan's, before she had to return to the Barn. Then the pictures spaced out. Crawling to walking, running to playing. Games, dances, even wedding pictures. There was paper with his footprints from his birth, and his original birth certificate.

Then came pictures of Lucy. Playing cards with Vince, dancing with Dave. Even three pictures of Lucy with their son, from the brief time they'd had together before James was killed and moved into the Barn. A few photos of her with little Duke. One with Duke and Nathan both.

Nathan pored over every picture, pointing out parts that looked like him, parts like Mara. Nathan had the sweetest smile on his face, though his eyes were definitely red.

"He has your nose and eyes, Mara."

Her throat went tight.

' _Did he just say what I think he did?_ '

' _Yes, he did. He knows you're Sarah._ '

' _How? I didn't tell him._ '

' _He can be a little slow on the uptake, but he has good instincts, Mara._ '

"Why did you two lie? Why not just tell Audrey immediately?" He asked the older pair.

"Time travel has risks, Nathan. If we'd told you earlier you might not have made the same decisions. Sarah begged me." Vince shrugged. "I'd have done anything for her."

"Oh, Vince. I know you would have. It's one of the reasons I trusted you both. I'm sorry I caused your divorce. I told you both that I didn't want you to suffer because of me, but I know I was selfish, always taking up your time, having you work with me. I was greedy. I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt either of you."

She left Nathan studying the pictures, squeezing Duke's hand as she went to the brothers.

"Did you call Dwight?" she asked, perching on the edge of the desk.

"He says you cured him. But how? You never could before."

"Not me, _we_. Duke was the missing piece, the catalyst. What I did to him... I know what you must think of me, but it was necessary. He was dying, and already so close to perfecting his gift. Working with Duke, we can erase _every_ damaged gift, even regift people who want to."

"How do we know we can trust you?" Dave asked.

Mara sighed, shaking her head. "Trust me? Dave, you know that's the one thing I never asked you to do. You remember that natural royal flush Vince got the time we played strip poker? He'd been hiding that entire hand in his pocket for a solid week waiting for you to start a game. I started calling him the King of Clubs after that."

Dave gasped, outraged. Mara heard Nathan and Duke coughing.

"You cheat! I knew there was something wrong there!"

"You said you'd never tell!" Vince huffed at her.

"And I never did. But, you ask a question, you get an answer. Besides, you used it on me, not Dave, so I really don't understand the fuss." She heard Duke coughing, saw Nathan patting his back with an amused expression.

"We have a few things to discuss, gentlemen. Can we table the fight for the next game?"

"You're staying?"

"Vince, the Barn is gone. There's nowhere for me to go. But if you mean _me_ \- Mara- Audrey is in charge here. I'm here because she lets me be."

"Damn it, Mara, don't you start that shit again."

"Hush, Duke. It's true. I didn't say anything about that, so stop obsessing." Mara chided.

She continued on before she could be interrupted again. "Dave, I want to talk about you. I know you don't remember much about where we come from- enough not to want to go back, but not much more. I don't know your family or anything, but I remember your story. You fell- or were pushed- into the Void when you were little. About the same time as the Child of Ruin... um, Jennifer did. You got out faster though, which is why you're older."

Mara told her story again. She was getting tired of it, really. But she needed to do this.

_'Hello, my name is Mara. I'm a quasi-immortal from an alternate dimension and I'm trying to make amends for things I didn't even do to you. I'm a gemini and I like long walks in the rain and pina coladas.'_

When she was done, she took a moment to get her head straight.

"Vince, I need you and Dwight to keep the Guard calm. I will heal everyone I can, but there won't be any killing, of me or anyone else. William is the enemy now, do you understand me?"

"Oh, they don't listen to me anymore. I'm a useless old man."

"Vincent Elliott Teagues! You may be able to lie to everybody else, but don't you try that garbage with me. I know more about you than _anyone_. You need to put the order out. Help Dwight get the really bad cases to me as soon as possible. I'll be able to sense as he gets closer, but I don't know how long it'll take. Now- are you with me, gentlemen?"

Eventually they nodded. Mara smiled as she hopped off the desk, moving quickly to kiss both their cheeks before she went to stand with her boys.

"If it makes you feel better, Dave keeps 2 aces in his left pocket at all times. They're still there, aren't they, Davey?"

She left smiling with her new boys as her old boys started bickering behind her.


	22. Living in a Powder Keg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Living in a Powder Keg 
> 
> Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler. 
> 
> Rated M, I remind you.  
> Mind 'yer booty, lads and lassies. Here there be Crocker Kink!
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to DixieSiryn. She knows why.

Funny, she found herself with her original identity after so long, and yet even Mara was helping the Troubled. Some things never change.

She'd been quiet since leaving the Herald, tired. Audrey felt her drifting, dozing and waking in flashes.

"We need to get some clothes from my apartment, but I think we should stay on the _Rouge_ tonight." Audrey said.

"Why?" Nathan asked.

She chuckled. "If we're removing your Trouble... well, we'll want a little more privacy than my apartment offers. "

Nathan blushed, and Duke laughed loudly. "Nate's always pretended he was a quiet bedmate. First one to make him scream wins."

"What are we betting?"

"I'm not a piece of meat!" Nathan objected.

Duke ignored Nathan, considering. "Winner gets to call all the shots for 24 hours."

"Deal. You should really be more careful about wording your bets."

Audrey slipped her left hand up Nathan's shirt, playing with his waistband.

"Not while I'm driving, Parker!" He yelped.

"That's a scream. I win." She declared triumphantly.

"You whammied him, that's cheating!"

"No it isn't. You said, 'First to make him scream wins.' You set absolutely no parameters on the bet. You're supposed to be the businessman here."

"You knew what I meant, you tricked me!"

"Lack of foresight on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." Audrey replied in the 'reasonable' tone that always wound Duke up more.

"I...I... I swear to god, Audrey-" he stuttered.

"It's okay, Duke. Use your big words." She prompted.

"You're gonna pay for that, Audrey Parker." He said, pointing, when he had given up on finding a snappy comeback.

"Not for the next 24 hours I won't."

Nathan laughed so hard he had to pull over.

* * *

They arrived at the dock after dark, having collected necessities for Nathan and Audrey. As Duke led them aboard, he was asking questions.

"So you were aware of everything that was happening? But there are times you don't remember, how does that work?"

"I can choose to back off, go into a sleep phase. Mara does it too. We can choose to work together, or for one of us to be in charge while the other watches, or one of us can sleep if we're emotionally exhausted or just want some privacy. That's only because we're choosing to work together instead of fighting each other. We're still learning."

Nathan put their bags down, asking "So what exactly was the singing with Vince and Dave about?"

"Every time we come back, it's like... like each personality has a special theme song. Usually it's got something defining about our character or life here; to do with who we are, how we act... Sarah's was 'Beyond the Sea' and Lucy's was 'Joy to the World'." She shrugged.

"Wait, so what's yours, Audrey?"

She glared at Duke. "I don't have one."

"You're kind of a crappy liar, for a cop." He held his fingers an inch apart, waving his hand. "Little bit."

"Fine, I have one. Doesn't mean I'm telling either of you." She jabbed a finger at them to emphasize her point.

Duke looked thoughtful. "I bet Mara will tell me."

Shit. She would, too. Audrey _knew_ she would.

"Fine. It's 'I Would do Anything for Love' by Meat Loaf."

"Lying." Duke sing-songed.

"It's 'True Colors' by Cyndi Lauper."

"Nope."

"Everything I Do, I Do For You."

"Catchy, but no."

"More Than Words."

"Extreme choice. No."

"Dr. Feelgood."

"No, that's my song."

"Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap."

"Nope, that's our theme song for tonight."

"Addicted to Love."

"No."

"Total Eclipse of the Heart."

"I actually like that one." Nathan interrupted.

"Of course you do. Bonnie Tyler kicks ass. But she's still lying, Bright Eyes."

"Ugh! 'Holding Out For a Hero', then."

"Junior year, Nate wore cowboy boots and a Stetson for a whole semester. In Maine. But you're still lying, you've never needed a hero. Why? How bad can it be? It's not Timberlake, is it?"

"Dead Puppies from Dr. Demento."

"What on earth is wrong with you?"

"'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life' by Monty Python."

Duke whistled as he shook his head.

"Fine. 'Sneaky Snake' by Tom T. Hall."

"Eclectic choice. No."

"Sweet Transvestite."

"That's not even good for a Nathan-joke. Too obvious."

"Sympathy for the Devil." Mara supplied helpfully.

He didn't even blink. "Cute, Mara. Whose side are you on?"

"Hell Bent for Leather."

"You know, looking back on it, all the signs were there."

"Space Oddity by Bowie"

"The only oddity here is your refusal to answer."

She sighed. "Muskrat Love. Best Song Ever. Big Balls. Bohemian Rhapsody. Seasons of Love. Pennsylvania 6-5000. Love Will Keep Us Together. Love in an Elevator. Bridge Over Troubled Water. Do You Know the Way to San Jose. The Girl from Ipa Nima. Puttin' on the Ritz. Free Bird. Cat's in the Cradle. Convoy. Thriller. We Are the Champions. Don't Fear the Reaper. Godzilla. Afternoon Delight." Audrey rattled off songs with Mara's help, certain that the real one would be lost in the pile.

"Love Will Keep Us Together? Captain and Tennille. Huh. It hadn't occurred to me."

She was stunned silent, staring at him with questioning eyes.

He smirked. "Yes, I honestly read you that well." Duke laughed in response to her expression.

"I have an _amazing_ pool boy." Audrey murmured.

"You little-"

"I have a question." Nathan interrupted, putting a restraining hand on Duke's shoulder. "Did you ever sleep with either of them?"

Audrey flipped her hair, crossing her arms. "Both. Several times. Sometimes at the same time."

She studied their horrified expressions with a small smile.

Duke was able to speak first. "Hold up, let me reword that for him- did you, or Sarah, Lucy or even Mara ever have _sex_ with Vince or Dave."

Audrey grinned. "Can't fool you twice. Sarah never had sex with anyone but Nathan. Lucy had a thing with Dave. It was almost 30 years ago. He was the opposite of Vince, and we've always been drawn to opposites. I don't know why."

Nathan still looked green. "My father never..."

"Garland? God no!" She laughed loudly, "that would be like making out with your brother. Which is not precisely forbidden where we come from."

They didn't know if she was serious, but they didn't want to ask.

She slid her coat off, stretching, when her cast caught her eye.

Well, not the cast, precisely. What was on the cast.

At some point when she hadn't been paying attention, someone had written 'Property of Duke Crocker and Nathan Wuornos' with decorative hearts and flowers around it.

"Duke."

"Audrey?"

"Did you write on me?"

"No, I wrote on your cast, which is a time-honored American tradition going back centuries. Or at least to the 1970's, when I was a kid. Whichever sounds more impressive."

At one time, this would have made her irrationally angry. The audacity of being _claimed_.

Audrey wasn't sure if it was Mara, the baby or the boys who suddenly made it seem appealing.

Audrey finally managed a whisper. "You draw nice flowers."

* * *

 

They gathered in the living room, barefoot and tense, trying to relax.

Audrey said, "Mara wants me to be able to do this for you. She said I 'earned it', and I'm really, really excited. Are you guys okay with that?"

They nodded, but Duke suddenly said "Wait, wait! Nate's been numb a long time. won't the clothes be like, too much sensation to process?"

Audrey thought about it. "You might be right. Better safe than sorry. Strip, Nathan."

"I will not, I've felt other things. Good try though. And no photography."

Audrey sighed dramatically. "I really need a new screensaver. Fine, though."

She took Duke's knife from him, and took a few deep breaths, concentrating on Mara's instructions. She had the knife in hand, but moved close, pressing her whole body against Nathan. She reached to press her face against his. "I want to be the only thing you feel, one last time." She whispered, moving to catch his lips with hers. She kissed him with every fiber of her being. She wanted to be able to touch him everywhere. Audrey _wanted_ to end his Trouble, but she was used to being his world.

That's hard to let go of.

Eventually she stepped back, breathing rapidly. "Hold out your hand, Nathan."

His hand was shaking. She had to press it between her arm and her side to keep him still enough to safely cut. She looked up at Duke, and he nodded, looking a little shaky himself. Audrey made a small nick in the side of Nathan's palm. She watched the blood well up, and turned his hand so the blood could fall onto Duke, bringing their hands together so that Duke would be the first thing he felt when his Trouble was absorbed.

Trying to correct the past.

Audrey ended up keeping an arm around each of them as Duke's eyes rolled and sensation engulfed Nathan like a tidal wave.

She held them both as they moved to embrace each other, Duke's eyes already black with tears. Duke gripped Nathan hard and they both cried- drops of sparkling crystal running down Nathan's face; fat orbs of black flying from Duke's eyes into Audrey's waiting wrist.

She could see why it made Mara shiver. This was _nothing_ like the bliss of giving a gift. It felt itchy, unpleasant- like she was gummed up internally and needed to get it out. She focused on her hand, rolling her fingers together the way Mara had.

_'Why is this orb so much bigger?'_

_'My first Gift. I wanted to be sure it really worked. It doesn't look like he's in pain, right?'_

Audrey watched carefully, then ran her own hands over him, asking "Does anything hurt?"

"Not really. Ache a few places, but I'm sure that's from some accident I didn't feel. Not in pain though, not like we were afraid of."

She grinned, giddy. "And you can feel everything?"

He nodded, lost for words.

Audrey and Duke crushed him between them. They touched and patted and kissed, checking him all over as he laughed breathlessly and Audrey's fingers flew, unbuckling his belt, wrestling with the button on his jeans.

She took his holster, placing it on a nearby table and ducked down, removing his backup holster to join its mate.

When she turned back, Duke was pulling off Nathan's t-shirt. As it fell to the floor, everyone froze for a moment, staring.

The Maze was gone, completely missing from his skin. Nathan's brow creased as he touched the skin where it had so recently moved. "Mara's mark..." he whispered.

"She says it's because you don't have the Aether in your body anymore." Audrey explained gently.

She felt sadness from Mara, and she understood, she did. That mark _meant_ something, and being Troubled was more than an affliction, it was a mindset. Losing that was like losing an appendage, even if it was something they hadn't wanted. It was still a part of them, had shaped their lives.

That's why Dwight was off getting quietly hammered.

These were men built and bred to protect. What were they, who were they, independent of Haven? Did they even want that independence, or did they want a place to belong?

Audrey saw the emotional struggle in his eyes, and she caught him in a kiss.

"Hush, Nathan. It doesn't change who you are."

"Nate, I'm with Audrey, here." He wrapped his long fingers around the back of Nathan's neck, brushing the shorter hairs there and making Nathan shiver. "It's the marks that are invisible that matter, Nate. The ones we choose to make."

"Exactly. Mara said something the other day that stuck with me. She said when she made love with Duke the other day, she felt like he branded his name on her. It's hard to remember sometimes, but she's very innocent in most ways.

"The point is, we can make new marks, new memories. If you choose, we can give you a different gift, something that's not harmful to you."

She spread her hands out against his chest. "Not tonight though, Nathan. Tonight is _ours_." She leaned up, kissing him again.

As she kissed Nathan, Duke ran his hands over every inch of him, beyond thrilled to be felt again. His love for Nathan had never waned, he just got very good at hiding it- or he thought he had- and he felt childlike wonder at being able to touch him again.

It had haunted him for years, knowing that his punch had been the last thing Nathan had felt.

Tonight, he wanted to rectify that.

* * *

 

They made it to the bedroom in stages, dropping clothes as they stopped every few feet to kiss or touch.

Audrey kept reaching out, forgetting they didn't need her to make Nathan feel. It was a foreign feeling, and it would take some adjustment.

Duke was touching on _purpose_ , and when Nathan responded strongly to something, he called Audrey's attention over. They made it to the bed, piling up together like puppies, learning how Nathan liked to be touched.

Duke was absolutely gleeful when he realized Nathan was ticklish again. He spent ages dragging his short nails over Nathan's instep, grinning as Nathan wiggled and writhed and begged and threatened.

He revisited all Nathan's most sensitive areas, and Audrey cataloged them. Some she knew pretty damn well, but the spot on his stomach was new. She scratched gently at his scalp, and he groaned low in his throat.

Duke hopped off the bed, gloriously, unabashedly naked and ran to grab a paper sack. Audrey eyed him curiously from where she was rubbing Nathan's scalp. He climbed up gracefully, mystery bag in hand.

"I knew we'd fix Nathan eventually. I have some things I wanted him to feel."

Audrey watched, fascinated.

Nathan was already hard, not that anyone could blame him. So much touch after years of no sensation? A swift breeze could probably finish him off.

Figures Duke would be prepared.

He slid a rubbery silicone ring around the base of Nathan's length. A cock ring! Jeez, Duke really was a great planner.

Nathan's face was red and he was panting. "What do you want, Nathan?" Audrey asked gently.

"E-everything." Nathan stuttered.

Duke looked concerned. "You sure you mean that, Nate? It's been awhile, I don't want to hurt you."

"Shut up, Duke. I'm a grown man, I know what I want."

Judging from Duke's face, Nathan's words affected him as much as they did Audrey. It was her turn to question.

"What do you mean by 'everything', Nathan?"

He shook his head and stood on his knees, pulling Audrey tight against him and kissing her until she was breathless. His hands came to her waist, laying her out beneath him. Behind him, Duke ran a feather up Nathan's spine, enjoying the way his partner's back arched.

"Hurry, Duke. I don't know how long I can take his."

"Yes, detective." Duke smirked, taking the lubricant and going to work.

From her position, Audrey could see Nathan's face, his eyes closed, a beautiful smile on his face. As Duke touched him, his eyes would roll, he'd groan deep in his chest, like the purring of a lion.

Nathan tried to concentrate, to take his time. But it was all so much, it really did threaten overstimulation. He ran a hand up Audrey's thigh, all the way to the apex, where he slid his fingers inside her, touching and testing.

He couldn't help himself. As soon as he knew she was ready, he pushed into her, shoulders tensing as his head fell forward. Audrey distantly felt motion farther down the bed, and suddenly she saw Duke over Nathan's shoulder. Nathan's legs spread slightly, pushing Audrey's farther apart, then she felt Duke pushing Nathan farther into her.

Nathan panted, acclimating to the pressure for a minute. He was suddenly very, very glad for Duke's gift- he was sure he'd have embarrassed himself already without it.

Audrey had never done _anything_ quite like this. Nathan was a fantastic lover, but throw in Duke, and suddenly it becomes a religious experience. Every time Nathan thrust, Duke countered, driving deeper into Nathan, driving Nathan into Audrey. It was almost too much for Audrey, she couldn't imagine how it felt for Nathan.

As the pressure built inside her, she listened to her boys make love. It was sexy- hot and primal- and she was building, building. Nathan was filling her and that nubby ring was pressing her in all the right places.

She opened her mouth to scream, but no sound came out. Audrey latched onto Nathan's shoulder with her mouth, trying not to bite him too hard.

Another hard thrust from Duke, and suddenly, they were all moving and gasping and shouting at once as the orgasm ripped though each of them, leaving them tired and out of breath. It was a moment before Duke pulled out of Nathan, and then Nathan was pulling out of Audrey and they were a sweaty pile of limbs, too lethargic to move.

After a few minutes, Duke spoke up. "So, I guess we can't get away with making Nathan sleep on the wet spot anymore."

"Hell, you always did before, Duke. Why stop now?"

"Good point." They slept in a pile.

* * *

 

Audrey woke first and went to the bathroom to call Dwight.

"Hendrickson"

Oh, he sounded hung over. She wondered how blasted he'd gotten. And she hoped he wasn't with Charlotte.

' _Quiet, you're going to make me vomit._ '

' _Sorry_.'

Audrey got as far as "We cured Nathan's Trouble last night." When Dwight cut her off. "Take the day off. Probably tomorrow, too. It'll take him some time."

"Thank you, Dwight."

"Did you guys mean it when you said you could change me again, without the bullets?"

"Of course. If you want that."

"I think I might."

"Well, think about what you'd like. We can talk tomorrow night or Saturday, if you want."

"I'll call you Saturday." The phone clicked off, and she wondered if Dwight was okay.

* * *

 

Mara taught Audrey to make proper pancakes while the boys slept. Audrey set the table in the dining nook, put the finished pancakes in the warm oven, and set out condiments before heading back to the bed, jumping into the middle. She was met with sleepy groans.

"Okay, you ingrates. Get up, we made breakfast."

Duke sat up and grabbed Audrey, dragging her back under the covers where he pulled her close. "Shhh. Be vewwy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits."

"You can hunt wabbits all day. Dwight has gwaciously... er, graciously offered the next few days off. We have plans tomorrow, but we're free all day."

"Really?" Duke looked excited.

"I just got off the phone with him."

"We should get to sleep in, then."

"You could, but considering I'm pregnant, hormonal and starving, you may want to just take a nap later."

Duke paled at the implied threat. "Well, if you're hungry, that's a different story."

He reached out and ran a hand up Nathan's back, saying, "Nate, get up. Audrey's hungry."

Nathan jerked awake and glanced around, looking confused. "What's going on?" He mumbled.

"Pregnant and hungry. That makes her dangerous."

Audrey poked Duke's bellybutton. "We thoughtfully made you guys breakfast. Dwight said not to come in for the next two days. He...he doesn't sound so good. He's supposed to call Saturday, he already wants to be Gifted again."

Nathan nodded seriously. "I get that. I'm not sure what I want yet either. If we could be given gifts that weren't tainted... well, it would be easier to protect you and Mara."

"Just think about it. Enjoy a whole 24 hours normal. Mara says to tell you that breakfast is her special recipe."

Nathan perked up at that, rolled out of bed and into a pair of pajama pants and held his hands out to Audrey and Duke. "Let's eat!"

* * *

As soon as he saw them, Duke griped about pancakes being an incomplete food. The age-old argument again.

Audrey listened to Mara for a moment, then went to the kitchen, bringing back warmed orange marmalade and creme fraich. She drizzled the marmalade over half a pancake, a dollop of creme on top, and said, "Eat first, critique later. Mara also says 'Be glad it's not duck'."

Duke's eyes went wide. "She didn't like the duck?"

Nathan chuckled around a bite- he had dug in immediately. "I think it might be a hormone thing. It made her really sick. She ended up making pancakes."

"Plebeians."

Audrey smacked his hand with a clean spoon.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?"

"No calling names at the table. If we're having a baby, I need to start re-training you both right now. Now eat, at least try it, or you'll hurt our feelings."

Duke looked at her sideways, grinning. "You're hot when you're bossy."

"But I'm always bossy."

"You see my point, then."

She tried not to laugh, but she was definitely smiling when she said "Eat, Duke."

He sighed, cut into the pancake and took a hesitant bite. As he chewed, his eyes got bigger and bigger.

"Did you say this was Mara's recipe?"

"Yup."

"They're the same ones she made me the other day. Best pancakes ever."

"No, Nate- these are the _only_ pancakes ever. Damn, I could turn the Gull into a 'Mara's Pancake Hut' and make twice as much money. Will she share the recipe? Please, Mara???"

"She says maybe, depends what's in it for her." Audrey smiled.

Duke considered as he ate another bite. "Oh, I'll make it worthwhile."

* * *

They ate happily, Mara and Audrey reveling in the compliments.

_'Mara, you just did the impossible.'_

_'What, shut Duke up?'_

_'Get them to agree on a breakfast food. You know what it's been like. You're perfect with us, do you even see that?'_

_'Man, 'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life' really should have been your song. Talk about turning a sow's ear into a silk purse. You're stuck with me. It's not like you got a choice in who you shared with.'_

_'If I had gotten a choice, I couldn't have chosen better.'_

_'It's just pancakes, Audrey.'_

_'No, it's much more than pancakes. You fit in, you're special to all of us. I'm glad you're here.'_

_'Thanks.'_ Mara whispered.

* * *

After breakfast and a shower, Duke stopped Audrey.

"Wanna play a game?"

She cocked an eyebrow. "What kind of game?"

"A board game."

"What about cards?" Audrey countered.

"But I have an evil plan for Scrabble."

"Well I have an evil plan for poker." As he opened his mouth, she put a hand up, stopping him. "Don't take the easy joke, Crocker, you're better than that."

"We'll have to settle this democratically, then."

"Actually, we don't. See, I remember a certain bet set yesterday that leaves me in control for the next... eight hours." Audrey grinned.

Duke's face turned red, then purple as he struggled for something to say.

She just smiled and waited.

Suddenly Duke's eyes glinted, and his color returned to normal as he smiled.

"You're right, Audrey. For the next eight hours, you're in charge. We playing for money?"

"There's no fun in that. Strip or favor cards."

"What are favor cards?"

"Anything you want to bet. Backrub, fishing trip, pedicure.... the list is endless. Think about it, Duke. We could get Nathan naked, you naked... it could be a _very_ entertaining game."

"Are the favors always available, or are there certain time restraints? I mean, you're calling the shots, but it wouldn't be much fun if you weren't playing too."

"Okay, in the spirit of fair play, I will honor favor cards just like any other day."

"Just so I'm clear, is the favor specific to the person who writes it, or can the winner use them on anyone?"

"You can use them on anyone, but they can't be painful or disgusting. Favors, not dares."

Duke nodded thoughtfully. "Okay, sounds good, if it makes you happy. I'll Scrabble you next time."

"How do you manage to make that sound dirty?"

Duke pressed Audrey against the wall, body taut against hers. "It's a natural talent." Duke whispered in her ear, his facial hair scratching her throat. She swallowed hard, panting softly through parted lips.

What was wrong with her? Audrey felt like a walking hormone. It took hardly anything to get her going anymore. She had two men, yet felt somehow _under_ sexed, needy and wanting and quite frankly _horny_.

' _It's hormones from the pregnancy, Audrey. Second trimester is a nightmare, you can't avoid it, so enjoy it._ '

"Kiss me, Duke. Up against the wall." She breathed.

"Anything you want." He growled, hands moving to her ass, lifting her and pressing her to the wall.

She wrapped her legs around him, kissing slowly, patiently. She ran her tongue along his teeth, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and rocking her pelvis against him. Duke's fingers dug into her, holding her up and teasing her at the same time.

"Wow, breakfast and a show. Must be my lucky day."

Nathan was leaning against the wall, smirking at them.

"Mm-hmm." Audrey hummed against Duke's mouth before pulling her head back. "It may indeed be your lucky day." She was still in Duke's arms, pressed tight with her legs around him. "Duke just agreed to Favor Card Poker."

"No."

"I told you I could do it."

"Fair enough. You win."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Why is this a bet-worthy deal?" Duke asked, anxiously.

"She's devious, Duke. She thinks ahead, plans everything so she has you right where she wants you. By the time you understand her game it's too late. I told her I wouldn't play again until she could convince _you_. Didn't think it would be so soon."

"It's only a big deal if she wins, Nate. I practice. Regularly." Duke added, rubbing his lips against Audrey's neck.

He was confident, cocky even.

It made Audrey _incredibly_ hot.

Nathan laughed. "Keep telling yourself that. Last time we played, I couldn't even look at her in public for two days unless I was holding something in front of me. It was humiliating."

"Wait, you specifically said 'Favors, not dares.' Humiliating does not sound 'favorable' to me." Duke was looking away from Audrey again, and she dug her heels into his back, demanding his attention.

"Ask him if he complained even once. Go ahead." Audrey kissed his neck ravenously.

Duke didn't get the chance, Nathan was already on them, touching the backs of their necks with tickling fingers.

"Nope, never complained." Then Nathan pulled Duke's mouth to his.

* * *

 

They played at the table.

Audrey schooled her best impassive face, and went to work.

Here was the thing: Audrey approached the game more like chess than any kind of card game. She thought a dozen steps ahead, in what Mara told her was her own way of viewing the Paths of Possibility, and Mara was thrilled that Audrey had discovered the ability.

Her favors were varied and exotic- everything from 'free massages', 'I get to drive all day', 'I want you to make me scream' to 'free meal of your choice' was carefully geared to benefit her no matter who used it. Even if she lost the hand, she'd win in the end.

She was playing an entirely different game than they were and they didn't even know it.

Mara was fascinated, truly impressed with her alters intellect. Audrey was a brilliant tactician, making her decisions quickly and decisively, purposely losing hands that appeared important just to surge forward when something mundane appeared, insisting on cashing certain favors immediately, while pocketing those that seemed more useful.

It was hardly half a dozen hands later that she had Duke on his knees before Nathan, and she directed them with a happy smile.

She closed her eyes and bit her lips in response to the sounds before her, to the reactions of the man who hadn't been able to feel. The fire in her blood was making her stronger, smarter.

The only thing Audrey didn't take into account (and Mara didn't point out, because she thought it was _hilarious_ ) was that Duke wasn't exactly human either, from what they'd discerned.

The Secret Godling and the Miracle Soul battled ferociously, and if they'd really been playing poker, Nathan would have been _crushing_ them.

Mara wanted to devour the devious smile off Duke's face as Audrey lay spread on the table before Nathan, Nathan's face between her legs as Audrey swore and groaned, hands trying to grip something- anything.

Mara kept pulled back from that, it was something new to her and she didn't want to experience it through someone else. It must have been something though, because when he was done, Audrey couldn't form words for a couple of minutes and Nathan looked _smug_.

The game was like a perfectly timed sexual marathon. One fantastic act would happen, then there'd be lots of recovery time, everything altering between partners.

Mara didn't know who invented or discovered foreplay but Audrey had perfected it in this game.

Duke got to pull out a lot of his 'mystery items' on Nathan. An icy cold beer bottle run down his back, a little pinwheel massager across his hands and feet, feathers, seashells... he wanted to try everything.

They played for a long time, but eventually succumbed to physical exhaustion, crawling into bed and just existing. The lethargy was bone-deep, heavy and cumbersome. Eventually they wriggled into reasonably comfortable positions, where they fell deeply asleep.

Mara stayed awake thinking about the day ahead. _Friday_.

The day they'd be going to see her son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Duke's flowers are based on those in his tattoo.


	23. Time in a Bottle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Song for this chapter is 'Time in a Bottle' by Jim Croce.
> 
> This is dedicated to Sarah Lenore and all the other lost children. You're never forgotten.

Mara woke at 3:21 a.m. to bright moonlight and Nathan's soft snoring in her ear. It was a sweet, homey sound, and Duke had the most comfortable bed on the planet. She would have cuddled up and gone back to sleep, but a sudden wave of anxiety hit her as she glanced at the clock. It was Friday.

They were going to see Alec today.

Her head was suddenly spinning, heart racing. Sleep was out of the question.

She got up, careful not to jostle her partners too much, then headed for Duke's living room, stopping at the kitchen sink to take a couple of pills before she wrestled her yoga mat out. As Mara pulled on her workout clothes, she realized she was officially under too much stress if she was doing yoga of her own free will. She'd only brought the mat with her because Duke had insisted.

She stretched while trying to clear her mind. She finally turned to get started when she realized- she couldn't think of a single pose Duke had taught her that didn't require her right hand. There had to be one. She wracked her brain, but nothing came up. She knelt on her mat, staring at her hand like it had personally offended her as her anxiety ramped back up, twice as strong as before. Even the mat seemed to be mocking her. Mara felt like broken glass; all sharp, jagged edges that were sure to cut anyone who got too close.

All the fear and anxiety translated into anger- something her body understood better- and suddenly she was tearing at the mat in mindless fury, attacking it with the nails on her good hand, pounding it against the floor with her cast.

She wasn't sure how long it was, but she eventually took note of the men touching her, talking to her. A strong arm wrapped over her shoulder, sturdy across her chest as it pulled her against a wall of muscle; restraining her. She distantly noticed her body thrashing and kicking, hair flying all over as she howled and wailed.

The arms held her tight, but everything buzzed like white noise around her. Like the Void.

Duke's face appeared before her, sweet and familiar and beloved. So these must be Nathan's arms. Mara gripped the arm against her chest, nails digging into his flesh. She stopped screaming and stared at Duke with dry, wide eyes, squeezing Nathan's arm over and over reflexively, like a cat making biscuits on it's favorite blanket. Her body jerked up and down as she repeatedly dug her heels into the floor, pushing automatically.

Duke stared at her, holding her face in his hands. As she stared, his voice started coming through.

"What happened, Mara?"

"Did you know, sometimes-lots of times- the Barn would take people's memories when I left? That's why they called him 'The Colorado Kid' and not 'James'. It made people forget him. Me too, for a long time. Until people started loving me. They can't steal strong memories as easily. Love is hard to erase.

"It's a terrible thing to die unmourned and forgotten, but Momma even tried to force that, making people forget their time with me. Put me here, let me love, let me make a life. Then rip it away again. No grave, no marks, no memory. Take everything I ever loved.

"I had to give up James because of her. She made the wording so vague. I was abducted by a member of the Guard after he found out about the instructions. He wanted to make me kill James as soon as he was born. Figured that it would be more certain than going after Vince or Dave, since nobody knew who the father was. He kept me in a basement on the old Huffaker farm for 4 days before they found me. Never fed me. I was so _hungry_.

"Eventually I started having contractions; dehydration-induced false labor, but I didn't know that. I was so scared, and he was just standing there, a foot beyond my reach since I was chained to the floor. He was standing there, laughing, when his head exploded."

Mara's voice was small and distant, and she touched her face absently, wiping away invisible blood. "Vinny was behind him, holding a shotgun. 'Pop'! No more Harold."

She jerked again in Nathan's arms. "Never enough though. Take me away, bring me back when they're old men, or dead. Enough time to see how much knowing me screwed up their lives, like Vince and his wife. Time for them to hate me. I overheard Vince say he shouldn't have interfered with Harold, that he should have let the Troubles end. And when the Barn came this time, he was there with a gun, just like the others. Can you imagine learning to hate me- well, obviously not me, everyone hates me- but hate Audrey so much you'd shove her into the Barn yourself?"

She knew she was babbling and she didn't care. She squeezed Nathan's arm harder, kicking at the floor with her heels as though trying to crawl out of her skin. She desperately wanted them to understand.

"I couldn’t sleep so I went to do yoga. I... don't know any positions that don't use my right arm. I didn't learn any."

She stared down at the half-shredded mat- it looked like a grizzly bear had been using it as a chew toy. She was horrified. This was a gift from Duke, she should have taken care of it, protected it. She was a menace. She obviously couldn't protect _anything_.

"I ruined it, I'm so sorry, Duke. You went to all that trouble..." She leaned back against Nathan, still holding his arm like a life preserver. Outside, thunder rumbled, and she heard the rattle of wind as rain started tapping on the roof and windows. The ship rocked.

Somewhere deep down, Mara recognized that she was truly and completely _flipping the fuck out_. She didn't seem to be able to get a grip, though. Her knuckles were white and her hand was agonizing where she squeezed Nathan, and she tried to loosen her right hand one finger at a time. Nothing was responding right, she couldn't seem to open her fingers.

"Mara, sweetheart, it's just a mat, I can get another. They're easy to replace. But I'm more worried that you may have hurt yourself. Can I touch you?"

She gave him a funny look. "Why are you asking if you can touch me? You touch me all the time."

Duke rolled his eyes, reaching out to check her over as he spoke. "Because you're having a panic attack and I don't want to make it worse."

Nathan squeezed her gently, his chin resting on her shoulder. "Wanna talk about it?"

She turned her face, felt his lips brush her cheek. Against his still, solid body Mara realized she was shaking. Even her teeth chattered as her body contracted against some imagined chill. She pulled his arm closer around her and wiggled into his lap, drawn to the heat of his body. He wrapped around her, holding her close. Mara hissed in pain as Duke gently unbent her right fingers.

"Do you want a pain pill, Mara?"

She did. She really, _really_ did. But she had to be responsible. It wasn't just her. "Just took a dose."

Duke was examining her with sure, steady hands. Mara counted, trying to control her breathing. As she brought her body under control the storm grew; wind howled, pushing the rain in different directions as it fell. They rocked with the waves. Duke had just finished checking her left hand and was carefully rubbing the feeling back into the stiff fingers of her right hand-the bones didn't appear to have shifted- when the power died.

In a tight grouping in the middle of the floor, they listened to nature rage around them in answer to Mara's primal distress call, darkness closing over them like a blanket.

Duke muttered something about starting up the generator, but stayed on the floor in the dark as Mara tugged him closer to where she sat in Nathan's arms. Through the window, they could see brilliant lightning crackle against the sky out at sea.

She wound her fingers around Duke's and pushed her toes under Nathan's leg.

"Jeez, Mara, your toes are freezing!"

Mara chuckled, still sounding wild. "That'll never get old."

She felt Duke's laughter. "He looks around for you _every. single. time_. I touch him. I shot a rubber band at him earlier and I swear Mara, he spun in a complete circle like he was about to chase his tail. It was beautiful."

"Laugh it up. I do not apologize. Nothing wrong with looking at a beautiful woman." The sound of his smile, of his teasing laugh, made Mara's spine slacken. His superpower was how exceptionally safe he could make people feel. Everything about him screamed 'Trust me'; from his boy-next-door smile, his beautiful blue eyes, and his serious demeanor right down to his high-school era Bronco... Nathan was trust personified.

"Tell me more about Nathan." Mara urged, her voice hoarse.

"Oh, you want Nathan stories? There was this unbelievable summer, we were out on the water constantly, just constantly. Surfing, freediving- we lived out there.

"Anyway, it's just me and him and he decides to get a tan, right? But I was totally being thoughtful and the sunscreen just happened to fall so it looked like it spelled 'D.C.' Anyway, he falls asleep while I'm catching lunch and he burns! So I'm laughing like an idiot, he finds out and is absolutely ungrateful and he forbids me from ever doing it again.

"But we go out again 3 days later, he falls asleep, I can't upgrade the 'D.C.' part because of the new rules and there's not a whole lot you can add that makes sense, so..." Duke trailed off.

Mara whispered, "You didn't."

Nathan laughed against her. "My back said 'dick' for weeks. I tried all kinds of things, it just made everything more obvious. That's how I learned you never sleep after a fight with Duke."

Mara chuckled quietly as Nathan and Duke rustled around on the floor.

"I'm sorry I woke you." She said suddenly.

"Nothing to be sorry for, Mara. That's what we're here for. Not going anywhere."

"What Mr. Eloquent said. Never be afraid to get us up if you need anything, talk to us before you tear yourself up. We're a team. You have to trust us to have your back, in good times and bad."

The wind howled outside, water pouring from the sky as lightning pulsed like a living thing across the clouds and thunder boomed regularly. Mara knew the storm wouldn't recede until she really calmed down. She'd managed to bury the physical evidence of her turmoil- mostly- but it continued to manifest itself outdoors. But she wasn't sure how to make herself feel better.

' _Be honest_.'

Stupid, sensible Barbie. For someone so obsessed with truth, Audrey sure had danced around her feelings for a long, long, long... _long_ time.

Audrey ignored the barb.

"I understand how you feel about Audrey. I don't want you to think I'm trying to criticize or downplay that. I just..." thunder crashed, and light strobed over their faces, "I want you to _understand_."

She was rocking now, still in Nathan's lap but trying to release some of the angst without funneling it into the storm. Her spine went rigid against his chest and she could feel her chest getting tight. It was hard to breathe.

"Imagine being trapped, told you're somebody else dozens of times. You know, you can feel that something is wrong and they slip sometimes, let out information you're not supposed to know. Like taping a dollar to a piece of string, leading you along. But it happens over and over, and underneath you know what's happened, you know but you can't scream or talk or beg anyone to just _kill you already_ and make the pain stop."

She was panting again, and she stretched her head back against Nathan, trying to fill her straining lungs.

Duke massaged her right hand, forcing her fingers to stay open when they tried to curl into fists. She clutched at his hand, holding it and _willing_ him to listen to her.

"Imagine you understand, and you realize they're trying to overwrite you _permanently_. To delete you. It's terrifying. The thought that a temporary personality could just take over and erase centuries of life is beyond your worst nightmares. That you could die but still carry on without your soul- the idea is perverse. Then you see a face you thought behind you, someone you _hate_ \- but he's looking at you and he's talking like he knows you're trapped and you need help and suddenly he's your only lifeline. You're so fucking scared that you'll do anything, _be anyone_ , as long as you _hear your name again._ "

She'd started yelling again at some point and her voice broke.

"I hate what I did to you, but I was just barely free and it felt... every time you said her name it made me more angry. Like I wanted to trust you but you kept just- letting me down. Then I felt her and realized she was alive and I was so, so afraid, afraid she'd take over, afraid she was more real than me. So I followed William until Duke talked to me. You know the rest. _I've been screaming for five hundred years._ "

The storm outside had ebbed as she gave voice to her emotions. Her shaking calmed the hail, her panting gasps countered the howling wind. The thunder continued and the rain fell harder, though, in response to her refusal to cry.

Things were getting safer outside.

But inside, Mara was afraid she might be dying.

It was dark and she couldn't think and she was afraid and why wasn't there any air? Oh gods, where was she? In a cave? A basement? The hold of a boat?

"Duke. I can't make it stop!" Mara followed his hand to his arm, pulling him closer. "I don't know what to do!" She cried.

"I do." Duke's hands came up her sides as he spoke into her ear, his voice was calm and certain, at total odds with her mad anxiety. She panted, trying to draw oxygen via sheer force of will. He pulled her body forward, flush against his, and his lips found hers.

"Like this. Breathe with me, Mara."

He exhaled against her lips and she inhaled reflexively, sharing his air. As they breathed together the wind started to increase, shrieking defiance before slowly backing off like a soldier who didn't like his orders.

Only Duke Crocker would have the brass balls to reorder nature itself. One day she'd learn not to be surprised.

Today was not that day.

They just breathed for a long moment, and it felt like Duke was listening to something. She thought it might be the universe, telling him the stories she'd been hoping to hear. Soon he would surpass her, and she'd be the godling's apprentice. Such a strange thought to have.

Duke pressed her back against Nathan, until she was lying in his arms. He continued breathing with her- breathing for her- as he stretched out against her. Mara lay cradled between their bodies, the soft, even thudding of Nathan's heart loud against her head.

Duke continued foward until his mouth was against her ear, making the hair flutter as he exhaled. "Let it out on me. I can take it and I know, I **_know_** that you will never hurt me."

Those words from that man tore at her- that he could show such absolute, blind faith in her after all the pain she'd dealt him just defied comprehension.

How could he be like this; so pure and unpolluted and _good_ , without ever knowing what he was, the amazing potential he had? He deserved to become her teacher.

She obviously had a lot to learn.

Mara brought her arms up around Duke's neck, kissing him as the boat continued to sway. Her breathing evened out, adjusting to conform to his as his lips caressed her face, her eyes and her mouth.

She'd barely moved back to pull the sports bra off when Nathan's nimble fingers replaced hers, undressing her with infinite patience.

Mara was a little uneasy, disturbing memories of their last sexual encounter trying to replay in her head.

But she could trust Nathan. Duke had promised. So she welcomed the kisses on her neck and shoulders, taking comfort from the powerful arms and chest she leaned against and arching her back as his hands cupped her breasts.

She remembered how it had been when she was 14 weeks with James. How she'd gone to bed every night wanting, craving the touch of a man who wasn't even born yet. How she'd almost, almost given in to Vince at one point. How nothing could ease that unbearable ache.

Now she found herself in a similar position, with one of the same men, pregnant by the other but both here with her- an embarrassment of riches. So Mara didn't fight the hands that touched her.

She called out to them with her voice and the voice of the storm. Thunder rolled, slow and low, as she begged for them to touch her.

Someone had lit the furnace deep inside her belly.

Duke made quick work of the rest of her clothes and then she was bare, open and so aware of the difference in the temperature. Cold enough to tighten her nipples and give her goosebumps but nowhere near cold enough to douse the fire inside her.

She groped blindly, reaching for another body.

The warmth hit her first, radiating from the tall, lean frame that was leaning over her. Mara reached up, touching the soft, messy hair. She knew it was Duke before he kissed her.

She gave in as the madness swept over her this time, yanking him against her and rolling him over. She kissed him savagely, following his orders. She let everything loose on him. All the anger and fear, but also all the pent-up love, all the goodness she had to share with the universe. She pulled him until he was sitting up while she moved to straddle him.

Mara turned her head, guessing at Nathan's relative position. "Now you touch us. Don't let go, Nathan."

She turned to Duke, searching the darkness for the glint of his eyes. The lightning flashed obligingly, she was sure she looked at his eyes when she spoke.

"Cure me or kill me. Just don't leave me for dead again."

"I'm not going anywhere, Mara. I'm yours."

Her mouth crashed into his, and suddenly everything was light and sound and motion for both of them. It was like being the epicenter of a storm. Lightning flashed on the clouds around them, and here the pouring rain was merely a mist.

They floated in that space, bound to the earth only by Nathan's hands. He tethered them to him and to the earth. Mara knew she could really trust him, and dear gods, Audrey was right- it _was_ like flying- and Duke opened his soul to her.

As she pressed down around him, she opened her own- terribly afraid of rejection. But he hadn't lied; he accepted her and welcomed her, and suddenly Aether- dark matter glittering like dusty fire in the darkness- flowed between them. Into Dukes mouth from Mara's, into Mara where Duke moved inside her- and Nathan stared, fascinated as he watched the light traveling through them like a supernatural mobius strip.

Duke's arms were tight around her, but her chest ached as though that's where their bodies were united, though she still felt him inside her. She wasn't sure what was happening, but she was afraid of what could happen if they stopped now, in this place. She was too afraid for Duke to give in to the hypersensitivity now. She had to be here with him to protect him.

The Aether flared and pulsed regularly; when thunder called, as they thrust together, whenever one of them moaned. The fireworks travelled through and around them, occasionally floating out to brush against Nathan with a familiarity that made his heart ache with longing and regret.

Mara's chest tightened, different than the anxiety, and she was worried. What could happen to them here if she lost control? Could she get him hurt or killed? No. She _had_ to keep control. Duke trusted her.

The pressure grew and moved, originating in her chest but rapidly becoming all-encompassing. 'Protect Duke' she thought.

_'No. Fly, Mara.'_

_'I can't lose control here, Audrey. Something could happen.'_

_'Are you blind? Look around, something is happening! This storm, Mara- you're tearing yourself up. Trust me to protect you both for awhile, I'm begging you.'_

Trust was unfamiliar. So much trust in so little time was a strain. Could Mara trust Audrey with something so massive?

Sink or swim.

Mara let go, calling Duke and Nathan by turns, afraid they'd lose their way home if he stopped touching them.

The thunder boomed so hard the ship rattled before fading off with her choked cry.

It was hearing them both say her name with sweet, easy affection that broke the last dam and let her tears flow. She cried in earnest; great choking sobs that ripped at her chest, buckets of tears to finally settle the squall outside, just in time for the first hints of dawn through the clouds.

She cried for protection and for the people she loved; both those who had been long gone and those who were yet to be. She cried for forgiveness and she even cried for herself; having Charlotte's perversity out on display made Mara feel safer.

Eventually, as Duke stilled within her, she took back the last of her own Aether -clean and perfect- and merged with it again.

When Duke pulled away from her he gave her a long, lingering kiss, listening to the storm calm around them. Mara rose to climb off of Duke, but tilted as the world spun.

Duke looked at her in concern, kneeling against her again. "Breathe, Mara." She thought she was. Was she?

He tilted his head thoughtfully again, as he had when she'd decided that he was listening to the universe. His hand came up to cradle her head just as she drooped and he caught her up in his arms, rising in one smooth motion to carry her to the bed, where he gently straightened her limbs.

"What just happened?" She whispered.

She could hear him smiling. "Around here we call it getting 'light headed'. I think your people would call it 'vaso-vagal syncope'." He quipped in a decent facsimile of her voice.

"Nathan, was that a burn? Did he just burn.... is he mocking me?"

"Sounds like a burn to me." Nathan spoke agreeably as he rubbed her foot.

"I demand satisfaction!"

"If you'd have tried to pass that off as 'our song' I might have considered."

"No you wouldn't."

"You're right, I wouldn't."

They joined her on the bed, pulling the covers around them. Nathan held her against his chest.

"It's all okay, Mara." Duke trailed his hands down her ribs, over her hip. He curved his hand carefully against the graceful swell of her abdomen.

"This is our baby, Mara. Ours and Audrey's and Nathan's. This boat? It's your home too. Just as much as the apartment, or Nate's house.

"I'm sorry about Vince, about what happened to you. But nothing, _nothing_ could make me hate you or Audrey. I only let you go because you begged me to help Nathan. I would jump into that Barn again a thousand times over. I will never turn on you, and we will always love you."

She was so sleepy suddenly, the adrenaline abandoning her.

"I'm sorry I scared you. I should have talked to you, especially before I tried to sleep. I'm just really, really afraid to have my mother near my children in any sense; examining Alec when she wants to believe he never existed and being physically near her while carrying this baby. It's all just too much, and when the 'proven relaxation' was literally just beyond my grasp... I lost it."

Nathan narrowed his eyes, nodding "Do you think she'll try to hurt the baby?"

Mara cuddled farther against him, still shivering slightly. "A better question is, 'Is there anything I believe she wouldn't do?' For that I can only look to my history, which indicates that as a parent, Charlotte was abysmal. I can't imagine a loving parent inventing what she did. What choice is there, though? I have to prove that I'm telling the truth, we can't really afford to have our attention split between adversaries when William comes."

"Maybe we should have a plan in case Charlotte tries anything." Nathan suggested.

Mara nodded, her hair brushing both of them in the shadows. She felt suddenly uncomfortable, and while the logical side of her mind knew this was a normal hormonal reaction to the pregnancy, the other was humiliated. "I had a tantrum." She sounded shocked.

Duke tried to muffle his laughter, he really did. Nathan squeezed her, shaking his head at Duke.

"Not a tantrum, Mara. Panic attack. Not the same thing." Nathan reassured her.

"He's right, your tantrums are totally different."

"He's doing it again, Nathan!"

"You'll learn to get used to it." Nathan muttered sourly. "It's a non-refundable part of the package. I've tried."

"Like being with you is all sunshine and unicorns. I hate to break it to you, Flufflepuff, but you've got plenty of your own little quirks."

"What's a 'Flufflepuff'?" Mara asked.

Nathan sighed. "It's a pink, fluffy unicorn/cat thing. There's a bunch of videos online. It's from 'My Little Pony'."

Mara froze as Audrey laughed hysterically inside her. Her brow furrowed, trying to understand the foreign words through Audrey's howling laughter.

"And you two watch this pony show?"

Duke's laughter stopped suddenly. "No."

"Lying." Mara sang back at him just as he had done to Audrey when she was trying to evade the song question.

"I don't, I just saw some videos online." Duke insisted defensively.

"You're kind of a crappy liar, for a crook." Mara teased. "Little bit".

She pinched his hip, and they all laughed.

* * *

 

They drug themselves out of bed at 7:30, all of them trying to fit it the shower at once.

Mara wore black leggings and tank top and a black cardigan she stole from Duke that fell almost to her knees. Armor for the day ahead. Duke combed her hair for her- she wasn't sure if Audrey had told him she liked it or if he could just tell- and she relaxed a little.

They were quiet as they climbed into the Bronco. As Nathan started driving, Mara took out Audrey's phone to call Charlotte.

This part had been her idea. She refused to reveal where Alec was resting before they went in together. She didn't trust her mother not to move his body just to make Mara look like a liar.

"Audrey?"

"No, it's Mara. I'm going to text you directions to the site." She fought herself for a moment before asking quietly, "Is Daddy here?"

"No, Dove. He's not. But he said he will be. Does he know where we're going?"

Mara choked down a hysterical giggle. "Yes, he knows. See you there."

She waited until the lighthouse was in view before texting the directions.

The clouds hadn't fled from her earlier meltdown, and it started to rain lightly, thunder rumbling very softly.

A warning.

She took a deep breath as she hopped out of the Bronco.

She waited for her boys before heading down, into her old home. Nathan and Duke were visibly uneasy. This was a place of tragedy for all of them in one way or another.

Mara lit a lantern as they passed into the cavern. The room looked unchanged from the last time they'd been here, just with fewer bodies. Her mark spread out on the floor. She glanced around, then pressed her hand to a worn spot on the wall, and suddenly the cavern was lit from within; luminescent stones coming to life all over the room.

"Still works. Huh." Mara sounded aloof, but she was tense, trying to remember to breathe, to move, not to cry. Trying not to fuel the storm.

Nathan hugged her, his cheek against her hair. He was being very affectionate today. It was nice.

"We're not going to let her hurt you. Please trust us." He whispered urgently.

"I do, I trust you. I just don't trust her."

Duke wrapped an arm around each of them. "Four against one, Mara. And we're all armed. I'll shoot her if I have to. Just say the word." He winked.

"I'm done asking you to kill people for me. If she's going to get shot, I'll do it myself."

They heard the crunch of tires and an engine shut off. Thunder sounded ominously.

"Mara?"

"Down here."

They stood together, watching the Doctor's eyes widen as they swept the room. The etching, the lights- Mara obviously couldn't have done this on her own, not in the time she'd had and without resources from home. She looked so shocked, Mara squeezed Nathan's hand and backed up quickly into Duke. She obviously hadn't believed Mara after all. So had she even come to help, or was she planning something?

Charlotte was frozen, staring around her in disbelief.

"You still didn't believe me, did you, Momma?" Mara's tone was acidic, derisive. The closest she'd come to sounding like before since she'd started talking to Audrey.

The men held her reflexively, soothing and protective. Audrey was on edge, watching carefully, prepared to take control the second they were in danger. She didn't want Mara to have to shoot her own mother. She'd do it herself if she had to.

"I didn't say I didn't believe you, Dove. It's just very different than I expected."

"Will you please go stand against the wall for a moment? I need to do this myself."

As Charlotte retreated, Mara turned to whisper to her boys. "I have to close my eyes and concentrate. I need you to watch her while my guard is down." She spun on her heel and marched forward, to the center of the maze.

She shot the boys a loaded glance and closed her eyes as the symbol on her wrist appeared, growing ever brighter as Aether danced between her and the etching, surrounding her in a cocoon of dancing golden sparks.

The Aether settled as a rumbling sound echoed around them and a rectangular slab rose from the center of the floor, all smooth stone, engraved with flowers and orange trees.

Mara caressed the engravings solemnly, and pressed the flowers in sequence. Seven flowers, and there was a muted 'click' as the lid unlocked. Mara beckoned to Duke and Nathan wordlessly, waiting for their hands to meet against her back before she raised the lid.

The small body was remarkably well preserved- a trick her father had brought from the other world when Alec died. It almost made it more macabre- the child looked like he was sleeping.

Nathan and Duke stared somberly, and Duke kissed the fingers of his right hand and touched the kiss to the boy's still cheek. Nathan followed suit, honoring her fallen son.

Forgetting Charlotte for a moment, Mara sang softly to her son for the first time in centuries.

" _If I could save time in a bottle,_

_The first thing that I'd like to do_

_Is to save every day'til eternity passes away_

_Just to spend them with you._

_If I could make days last forever_

_If words could make wishes come true,_

_I'd save every day like a treasure and then, again,_

_I would spend them with you._

_If I had a box just for wishes_

_and dreams that had never come true_

_The box would be empty except for the memory_

_Of how they were answered by you._ "

Mara fell silent, her hair hiding her face. Through the tears in his own eyes, Nathan saw her reach out and carefully wipe a fallen teardrop from Alec's face.

"He looks like you, Mara." Nathan said gruffly.

"He does. He's beautiful." Duke added.

Mara nodded her acknowledgement, but remained silent, her shoulders shaking. They knew the moment she stopped crying; the wind shrieked outside and the sound of the rain reached them even here. She rubbed her face with the sleeve of her borrowed cardigan so her eyes were dry when Mara gazed at her mother, one hand still stroking Alec's dark golden curls.

"You can test him, examine him. Just don't hurt him, do you understand me?"

"Of course. Can... Can I see him?"

Mara nodded, and instead of backing away she pulled the men up closer against her, unable to leave her boy unprotected. They stood together, a solid wall, as Charlotte approached the casket.

Mara was surprised and gratified to feel Audrey staring with undisguised loathing, as edgy as Mara was herself.

' _Why are you angry? I thought you liked her._ ' She asked with honest curiosity.

_'Because she hurt you, and you know what? I don't forgive her. I doubt I ever will. I can't like her knowing what she's put you through. You're closer to me than a sister. I hate what she did to you.'_ Audrey spoke with rare venom, and the words made Mara feel unexpectedly good.

She'd wondered what Audrey felt about her, and thinking of her double as a sister felt sweet and comforting. Mara hugged herself for a moment, feeling silly. ' _Thank you. I... love you too_?'

Audrey chuckled, the laugh dying as they looked at Charlotte again.

The doctor gasped when she saw him- this child was Mara from head to toe. She didn't even need the DNA test to see that this was her flesh and blood. She moved cautiously, careful not to spook her daughter. She swabbed the inside of his mouth with a sterile curette, and did the same to Mara before turning back to the child, carefully undoing his top button and moving his collar aside.

The remnant of the brutal slice that had killed him stood in vivid contrast to his porcelain skin, and Mara had to look away, her stomach lurching.

Mara closed her eyes as she heard Nathan and Duke inhale sharply, and their arms tightened around her.

She tried not to think about it, but the memory of her gifting a woman with the power of resurrection surfaced; the very gift that had brought Nathan back to life, but had been too late for her son. So many things she'd tried.

She'd never call Aether 'the breath of life'. William was a fool. Somehow, if she could find a way to protect Audrey and the baby, he would be a dead fool. She'd avenge Alec if it was the last thing she did.

Charlotte still hadn't said anything, and Mara's nerves were ragged as she waited.

The thunder increased as the silence stretched, and Duke rubbed Mara's back, trying to calm her down.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Charlotte sighed and hung her head. "The DNA results take some time, but... it's obvious he's yours. He looks just like you did at that age."

Mara nodded, and the thunder eased again. "Do you believe me yet?"

Charlotte looked torn, and this time it was Audrey who said, ' _I really want to punch her in the face._ '

"I don't know everything that happened here, but... yes, I believe this is your son, and cause of death corroborates your account."

Mara's left hand flew like lightning, she backhanded Charlotte across the face so hard the older woman almost fell as her head jerked sideways.

"Don't talk about Alec like he's some anonymous corpse on the slab in your office!" Mara shouted furiously.

"He's my _son_! My little boy, _dead_ because you refused to believe me! I'd never asked you for anything! I was a perfect fucking daughter, so worried about you and Daddy and your work and reputations that I never stepped a toe out of line. The _one time_ I came to you for help, what did you do? You destroyed me, broke my heart. You put me through hell for _five. hundred. YEARS!_ You chose to forget me, but you _forced_ me to stay away from Alec. You're as guilty as William.

"I was a good mother." Mara whispered brokenly, sounding unbearably young.

"Shh, of course you were, Mara." Nathan murmured, tilting her chin to look at her. He stared into her eyes, and she knew he meant what he was saying. "You were wonderful to Alec, and you'll be wonderful with this baby. I believe in you."

Duke cut in urgently. "You're not like her, Mara. You'll listen, and you've got the three of us. We know you. Don't let her hurt you anymore, sweetheart."

She wrapped an arm around each of their necks, hugging them. As they embraced, Nathan turned his eyes to Charlotte, who was silent, a bright red mark standing in stark contrast to her pale face.

"Mara's innocent of the crimes you punished her for. We need proof that you're not going to come after her again."

"Because if you try," Duke spoke-

"We will kill you, and nobody will find your body. You can see what it's like to die unremembered. Is that clear?" Nathan finished their warning, and his normally warm voice held a dread promise, cold as a crypt. No one could doubt his words.

Mara squeezed the boys for another moment before turning to face her mother, curious what she would say.

"Fine. You have my word. I'm sorry, Dove, I didn't mean to sound callous. It's a lot to take in. I should have listened, you're right. I wasn't a very good mother."

Mara leaned against Nathan, exhausted. "Are you done with your tests?"

Charlotte nodded.

Mara breathed deeply, turning again to her little lost boy.

She leaned over the casket and lay a kiss against his curls, gently fixed his collar and stroked his cheek.

"Goodnight, sweet prince. Mommy loves you. You have daddies now, did you know? They'd love you as much as I do. I'll visit you soon, Alec." Mara whispered a good-bye, carefully replacing the lid and letting it lock shut.

She let Nathan and Duke stay next to her this time as she committed Alec back to the earth, the Aether flying around them as it worked.

When the room was back to normal, Mara addressed her mother.

"Don't come here without me. It won't recognize you anyway. I'm trying to forgive you, but I assume it will take time. Of course, if you lie to me, it just sets us back farther, so let me ask you one more time- _did you talk to Daddy?_ "

Charlotte had the grace to look ashamed- maybe she wasn't a complete psychopath. "No, I didn't. I wanted to see for myself first."

A chill raced up Mara's spine, anger burning hot and familiar through her. "And now?"

"I'll talk to him. Of course I will."

"You'll forgive me if I don't believe you until I see him myself. You lying to me immediately after saying you want to start over doesn't exactly instill me with confidence."

"I'm sorry, Mara."

Mara just nodded, and gestured for Charlotte to precede them out into the rain.

* * *

 

They sat in the Bronco, waiting for Charlotte to drive away.

As the car disappeared from view, the rubber band that had been holding Mara up snapped, and she went limp against Nathan, face buried in his shirt.

"Did you mean it? When you both said you'd kill her if she hurt me?" Mara whispered.

Nathan took a deep breath. "Yes. Absolutely. Honestly, I'm feeling really disturbed that I trusted her."

"Amen to that, brother. That woman is _not_ okay. Freddy Kreuger is more compassionate." Duke agreed, deep in thought.

Mara let the relief wash over her, and then she let the tears go. Sobs shook her body as she hugged herself, the rain stopping around them.

"Mara, why are you crying, sweetheart?" Duke asked.

"Because I don't have to scream anymore. You heard me."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the huge influx of chapters, but I really want this as close to complete as possible before season 5B starts and crushes my dreams.


	24. Bright Blessed Day, Dark Sacred Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own them, but they can own me if they like.
> 
> Song for this chapter is What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong.

Audrey's phone rang precisely at 9 a.m. on Saturday morning. She reached sleepily to pick up.

"Parker." She mumbled, eyes still closed.

"Audrey, it's Dwight. Is this a bad time?"

She sat up, rubbing her eyes and trying to pull her legs out from under Duke. Duke just grumbled and hugged her thigh, using her hip as a pillow. It was ridiculously adorable.

"No, it's fine. What's up?"

"You wanted to talk to the Guard members, I made the list you asked for, I can start getting people in whenever you're ready. They all want to hear what you have to say."

"Thanks, Dwight. That's a big help." She looked longingly at her sleeping loves. "Should we meet this afternoon?"

"I can get everyone to the briefing room at the station. Wait though. I... Look Audrey, I can't do this. _Be_ this. I need you to fix me, please." Dwight sounded rough; sad and desperate, and it made her chest ache.

_'He's just like Jacob. Do you believe in reincarnation?'_

_'I kind of have to, don't I?'_

_'Not like that. I was thinking about what Jacob said before he died. That he'd always be around, protecting.'_ Mara sounded wistful, like a little girl hoping that magic is real.

_'This is Haven, Mara. We're proof that anything is possible.'_

_'Tell him yes.'_

"Of course, Dwight. Absolutely, anything you want."

Audrey laid back after he hung up, thinking.

' _He'll be okay, Audrey. He just made his gift such a part of him, if I lost my abilities I'd feel like a quadriplegic.'_

_'But you think we can do something for him?'_

_'Yeah, I was thinking of redoing the frontline gift, but I think we'd be better with a hyper-strength when enemies are near? Maybe speed too. We could make it like an adrenaline reaction. I think his family has proven reliable enough to handle it.'_

_'I like that.'_

_'I had a dream. Before the phone rang.'_

_'What was it?'_

_'Well, I guess it was more of a memory. You remember the time they ganged up on me to try to drag you up?'_

_'Yeah.'_

_'I have a confession to make.'_

_'Okay.'_

_'I was ok, I was holding my own. When Nathan hugged me, it scared me, opened up the hypersensitivity, and I hate myself for loving that hug. I know he did it to get to you and I was jealous. I know it's stupid. But I hadn't been held since the last time I saw Daddy. That's how I lost control.'_

_'Oh, Mara. You were so angry, you scared them. They get pretty scared when I get mad, too. And you get lots of hugs now.'_

_'I know. I just wanted to tell you. Seemed fair.'_

_'You think we can un-Trouble everyone?'_

_'I don't see why not. Duke is processing perfectly. As long as we're careful with the Aether we collect? We should be good.'_

_'How are we going to handle this guard meeting?'_

_'With a vest under our shirt, for one thing. And Vince and Dwight next to us. And Nathan and Duke behind us.'_

_'Still worried?'_

_'Are we breathing? Then I'm worried. You've gotten used to people trying to kill Nathan. I'm used to them trying to kill- or more precisely, torture- me. And you know how they are about Duke.'_

_'It'll be okay. They try anything, we'll handle it.'_

_'Duke is using us as a pillow.'_

_'Yup.'_

_'Can I?'_

_'Go for it, I'm still tired anyway.'_

Giddy, Mara grinned, running her hand through Duke's hair. She leaned over, kissing his temple.

She loosened his hands, careful not to wake him up. She wanted to try something new.

She scooted down the bed, under the covers and paused, trying to calm her nerves, then she brushed a kiss on Duke's hip bone.

She lay an arm across him, holding herself up, and she flicked her tongue against the head of his penis once, twice. She wrapped her lips around the tip, sucking gently. It started to stiffen, and she giggled a little, interested in her new toy.

His body was responding, but Duke was still asleep. The possibilities here were endless. But she could only try one at a time.

Deciding, she licked him again, happy when he continued to respond. Mara settled against his leg, gently licking and sucking. Eventually, she wasn't happy enough with just his physical response. She wrapped her lips around him and sucked hard, teeth barely scraping. She felt him jerk, heard his ragged inhalation.

Finally awake. _Excellent_.

Excited, she pulled more of him in, trying to remember what the other personalities had learned, but adapting it to what she knew about Duke. She focused, learning to love him in a new way.

The skin was remarkably soft and silky under her lips and tongue, softer even than the underside of his tongue. His hands came down, tangling in her hair. He was trying to be quiet, Mara could feel the strain in his thighs and hips. His breathing was ragged, and she smiled around him.

She scraped her teeth against him again, and he pushed up against her, farther into her mouth. She hummed around him, and his hands tightened in her hair, before he removed one hand to lift the sheet, whispering, "Get up here, or this'll be over a lot faster than I'd like to be done with you."

Mara narrowed her eyes deviously and continued to suck, ridiculously proud of the noises she was drawing from him. She held his hips, digging her fingers into him. She loved that she didn't have to be careful with Duke. He could take whatever she gave. Duke tried tugging her up again, but she clung to his hips, determined.

Her way.

Duke was clutching the sheets now, shaking. "Mara, I don't think you want me to come in your mouth."

She lifted her head enough to say "Don't tell me what I want", then she was on him again, and Duke couldn't help it- he threw his head back, body convulsing as Mara pushed far, swallowing repeatedly. When he was done, she wiped her mouth on a sheet, crawling back up with a smile.

Duke moved to kiss her, but she turned her face, blushing. "You don't have to kiss me now, I can go brush my teeth."

"Mara?" She looked at him, still blushing.

"Yes?"

"Shut up." Duke pulled her into his arms, kissing her insistently. She was flushed when he pulled back. "That was a lovely way to start the day."

"Um... did I do okay?"

He laughed quietly. "Yeah, I'd definitely use stronger words, but I'm all out. Do you trust me, Mara?"

"More than anyone, you know that."

"Lay down." She lay on her back, looking at him. "Just relax. I want to show you something."

Suddenly he disappeared under the sheets, and she squeaked when his facial hair tickled her stomach. He was kissing down her belly, pressing a longer kiss over the spot where their baby was resting.

Mara caught her breath as he traveled lower, her thighs pressing closed automatically. It was too intimate, too exposing, and she was suddenly very, very shy. Duke kissed her hip, hands slowly, gently relaxing her legs so he could part them. She felt a kiss high on the inside of her thigh, and then his mouth was against her.

She scrambled wildly for something to hold on to, catching the first hand she touched.

Her grip woke Nathan, who opened his eyes to stare at her. She wondered what she looked like, because his eyes went dark, sweeping her body, seeing Duke's outline under the sheets. He smiled a little. "Got an early start?" Nathan murmured.

Mara nodded, wiggling, gripping his hand. Her mouth worked silently, trying to ask for help. She was feeling too much, she needed to hold someone, kiss someone.

Desperation overcame fear, and she opened her arms to Nathan, grabbing him and kissing him when he moved to her.

She felt like every muscle and tendon in her body were pulled tight, straining. She held Nathan close, fingers digging into him, and as she let the embarrassment fade, she started to enjoy Duke's ministrations. He licked and kissed slowly, she could feel his breath against her and when she moaned, Nathan's tongue explored her mouth.

Mara wanted Duke closer, where she could hold him, too. She tugged at his hair with the fingertips of her right hand, and he chuckled against her, making her cry out into Nathan's mouth.

"You want me to come up there, Mara?" Duke asked, coy.

"Mm-hmm" Mara hummed, tugging again. He licked her again, teasing the sensitive nub with his tongue and she keened, a high, long note from her chest. Burning and desperate, Mara pushed her left hand down, feeling Nathan's erection against her hip.

She broke the kiss, sucking in enough air to look at Nathan very seriously and ask, "Who, Nathan?"

His eyes were so deep, pools of blue radiating lust, apology, fear and... love. Mara held her breath. "You're Mara. You're smart and beautiful and good, and we love you." He took a deep breath. "I love you, Mara."

She was too shocked for tears, and Duke was increasing his tempo, one of his hands travelling up her thigh, fingers pushing into her as her hips bucked wildly.

Nathan's mouth was still against hers, and she whispered, "Help, help, help, help please I don't know what to do!"

"Trust us." His mouth came down on hers again, he brought a hand to her breast, kneading and squeezing. Duke pressed the flat of his tongue against her, fingers curved inside her, touching a spot she didn't know actually existed.

When the climax hit her, she thought she was going to black out. Her vision was hazy, bright stars blocking everything else out. The pressure was too strong, she couldn't make a sound. Duke patiently swirled his tongue until the shudders stopped.

Duke came out from the blankets, smiling. "Good morning, Nate!"

Duke moved to steal a kiss from Nathan. As Duke got comfortable, fingers stroking each of their bodies, Nathan stared into Mara's eyes.

"You can say no, anytime, I won't be upset. But I would really, really like to make love to you, Mara." Her heart stopped. Could he possibly mean that?

"Are you sure? If you really want Audrey, please just tell me, I won't freak out."

" _Mara_. Can I touch you? Only if you want me too."

Duke squeezed her leg in support.

"Yes, Nathan, if you're sure."

Mara moved to kiss him again, and Nathan responded instantly. She was wrapped in his arms, one of his legs already between hers, half on top of her. She wrapped her free leg around him and he scooted over so he was nestled between her legs, still kissing her like she was special and beautiful and loved. She glanced at Duke, and he nodded to her, encouraging her.

"Nathan. Please?"

He smiled, running his lips over her face as Duke stroked her hip. He positioned himself and entered her slowly, and she was boiling again. She tilted her pelvis to meet him, and they were still for a moment before Nathan began to move.

Mara closed her eyes, memory washing over her, and then her arms and hand were moving, her body responding to his. She was the Sarah-part of herself, finally getting to hold and touch the man she loved. A few tears leaked from her eyes.

"What is it?" Nathan asked softly.

She responded with Sarah's accent, unthinking. "I've been waiting for you since the first time I saw you. I missed you so much."

Their mouths met, and the motions were stronger, more frantic. A hand slipped between them- she didn't know if it was Nathan or Duke, but it was rubbing her right there and the whole room was falling to pieces, Mara along with it. She tensed around Nathan, squeezing him. He was only a few thrusts behind her, groaning as he kissed her.

He didn't pull out right away, kissing her languorously. He brushed his stubbly cheek against her face to kiss her ear. "Mara, I do love you. We both do."

She took a deep, shuddering breath. "I... I love you too. Both of you. More than you know."

Nathan pulled out, and they took up their usual positions, Mara nestled between them, their hands meeting over her belly.

"Mara? Can I ask you something?"

"Okay, Nathan."

"It seems to me that... I don't know how to put this. But it feels like you've got more than Sarah's _memories_."

Mara was silent for a moment, considering. She already knew what Audrey would say. She'd tell her to be honest.

"Yes, I do."

Duke tilted his head. "What does that mean?"

She sighed. "I wasn't going to say anything, it doesn't _change_ anything. But somehow, either over time or after Momma's stunt, the others became actual parts of me. It's what makes Audrey special. She has her own soul. The others had my soul. So yes, they're more than memories. I still remember being trapped, it was still hell. But after... they merged with me. I figured it out awhile ago."

"That's why they can't talk to us." Nathan realized. "Because they're you." Mara nodded. "Then you remember everything from Sarah?"

"Yes."

"How bad was it?" He asked, eyes worried.

She thought. "People were very welcoming, very understanding, for the most part. There were a few sanctimonious folk who snubbed me for being unmarried and pregnant. Vince and Dave took me under their wings. The rumors were terrible, and I know that's part of the reason Vince's wife left.

"I'm not a fool, I know he had feelings for me. I'm still sorry I hurt him, but I couldn't. Even as desperate and lonely as I was, I couldn't cross that line, not even knowing I could never get you back."

Mara thought for a moment. "The time with Harold was bad, very bad. He was a monster. And unfortunately I'll never know how he got those instructions. Could have been Vince, even. After hearing what he said later... There's a level of trust that I don't think I can get back. Part of Vince- a part I respected, that I thought was untaintable- it died when he said those words. I trust Dave, though. Even with Audrey, Dave wanted to fight Vince."

"What was his birth like?"

"I gave birth at home. Things were different then. They didn't have fathers in the delivery room, and more than half the births were using twilight anesthesia. I wanted to be aware.

"It was an uncomplicated birth. 11 hours. He was 10 pounds 3 ounces, 22 inches long. Tall like his daddy. I was alone for the birth because of a storm, but Dave showed up right after."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there. I hate thinking of you going through that alone."

"I'm not alone now. And at least James had a good childhood, a good life. Until he came here." Mara sighed sadly.

"Do you think he's... dead?"

Mara considered. "Duke, can you hand me the cloth pouch from under your side of the mattress?"

"You have stuff hidden under the bed?"

"Pretty much everywhere I sleep, yeah. And you have no room to talk. You have more guns hidden on this boat than we have at the whole precinct."

"Hey, boy scouts are always prepared." Duke defended, pulling out the pouch and handing it to her.

Nathan scoffed. "You were in Boy Scouts for all of five weeks."

"Yeah, well, I read all the material."

Mara shook her head, ignoring their antics. She pulled the smaller orb out, concentrating as she crushed it. "Find my son James. Tell me if he lives. Please." She whispered fervently, then sent the Aether forth. It traveled off immediately and she dropped her hand.

"I'm not sure how long it will take, but it will return to me. Oh, Dwight called. We're meeting with the Guard this afternoon."

Their reactions were exactly what she expected. Stammering, spluttering, shouting. Eventually she held up her hand for silence.

"They're dangerous because they're scared. They're scared because their gifts are tainted. What do they have to fear if we're giving them what they want? Audrey and I already have it planned anyway. But there's something else."

Duke groaned, pulling a pillow over his head. "Worse than meeting with a group of homicidal nutjobs who want to kill us? Where do I sign up?" Duke muttered through the pillow.

"I didn't say _worse_ , you big baby. I said _else_."

"What is it, Mara?" Nathan asked, hand rubbing her small bump gently.

"Dwight has requested a gift. He's unhappy, he wants help. I said yes."

Duke moved the pillow under his head again. "That's not so bad. What are you going to give him?"

"Audrey and I thought maybe heightened strength and speed when there's danger, like a supercharged adrenaline rush. He's got the self control to handle it, I think."

"No laserbeams from his eyes?" Duke joked.

"Watch it Crocker, I'm still on the fence too, and you don't want to give me ideas."

Mara laughed. "Nathan, I really do love you, but you don't have the control for that kind of power. Too temperamental."

Nathan looked scandalized. "I am not! I'm one of the most level-headed people in Haven."

"Unless it comes to Duke." Mara interrupted.

"Or Audrey. Or ending the Troubles." Duke added.

"Oh, or lying, or change, or pancakes. Other than that, you're the most level-headed person I know." Mara said seriously.

They wrestled for awhile, before Mara ordered a retreat. "We have a meeting to go to, and I need to talk to Dwight first. We need a shower."

As they clambered to get ready, Mara hesitantly asked Duke, "Are you okay with this? I know I made you swear the oath, but you _don't_ have to do this, I won't force you or coerce you."

He smiled, making butterflies in her stomach. "Our relationship will never be normal, Mara, but it's _ours_. If I can get rid of the Troubles and keep the people I love? I'll do anything."

She smiled, kissing the tattoo on his arm, and followed him into the shower.

* * *

 

They got to the station by 3 p.m, giving them time to prepare.

Mara insisted that she, Nathan and Duke wear vests, even if it was under a coat or windbreaker. They were all armed and they'd have Dwight and Vince before them.

It felt more like planning a hostage negotiation than a meeting of civilized townsfolk.

They knocked on Dwight's office door, shuffling in when he called for them.

"Dwight, how are you, are you okay?" Mara fell to her knees by his chair, her hands automatically reaching out to check his temperature. He looked awful, worse than hung over, and Mara wondered if the people could possibly be addicted to the Aether inside them. Nathan seemed fine though.

"I'm okay, but I'm not _me_. Everything feels different, wrong. I feel _helpless_." He grimaced in distaste.

"Okay. I was thinking, maybe a better gift for you would be a kind of adrenaline-net, something that would give you extra speed and strength when danger is near. You've shown you can handle the responsibility. I can add a kind of sixth sense for danger too, not exactly radar, but something to let you know something is wrong. Would you be okay with that?"

"Yes, absolutely. That sounds perfect." Mara took his hand and looked up at him carefully. "I'm afraid to meet with your people, you know. I _hope_ they just want the gifts removed, but I've had some awful experiences with them before. Some of them may want to continue to guard, in which case they'll need new gifts, too. Do you want to do this privately, or do you want to do it at the meeting, show the others what it's like?"

"If it'll help, we'll do it at the meeting. I've got the Benton girls - the Wendigos- on the way in now. I thought they deserved the cure soonest."

"That's perfect." Mara stood. "If you and Vince will stand with me, I want Nathan and Duke behind me. We'll fix the girls first.... Frankie is the oldest, we should only have to process her. Then we'll explain, gift Dwight, Q and A and then removing gifts, does that sound right?"

"Yes, sure." Dwight agreed, eager.

"Oh! The tattoos, I forgot. I know you mean well, but I want to remove the tattoos, allow the marks to show properly. I just want to warn you first, okay?" Dwight looked concerned, but still nodded.

"Let's do this, then. Nathan, Duke, I mean it; stay _behind_ me."

She ached to hold their hands, but just tugged the flack vest down, covering her stomach as she walked with Dwight to collect Vince, and together they headed into the lion's den.

They could hear the commotion from outside the large meeting room.

Mara breathed deeply as she raised her head and walked in next to Vince, silence descending as they took their places, the boys behind them. She stepped forward a little- not far enough to be in danger- and spoke.

"I'm sure you have questions, but- _but_ ," she spoke louder, drowning out whoever was trying to shout over her, "we will answer if you give us time. You've come here tonight to be saved from a family affliction. We will get to each of you, but first I want to help the Benton sisters. Frankie, can you come here, please?"

Mara had brought a stack of sterile, disposable razor blades- she didn't need anyone to blame her for getting Hepatitis C. She'd insisted Duke get a rolling office chair with arms. His work would be exhausting, he deserved to be comfortable.

Frankie was still achingly beautiful, but she had her arms wrapped around herself, scared and miserable. Mara wanted her to look happy.

Mara took one of Frankie's hands, leaning in to whisper, "Don't be afraid, it's a tiny cut, and then you and your sisters will be normal. We'll help you get acclimated." She searched the girl's eyes for understanding, nodded when she saw it.

Mara placed a small slice in Frankie's hand, turning Frankie slightly so she wouldn't have to expose Duke for him to catch the drops of blood. She held Frankie, letting Nathan help Duke.

Mara felt it when the Aether left Frankie. The shaking stopped, her posture relaxed. She looked at Mara with admiring eyes.

"How do you feel?" Mara asked.

"Like being a vegetarian for the rest of my life."

Mara laughed and hugged Frankie. "Your sisters are in that side room right there. If you find food in the fridge, eat. I'll replace it."

As someone helped Frankie to her sisters, a small, angry piece of Mara made her lean up to Vince, whispering, "Still wish you'd let Harold finish his 'business' with me?"

The look of horror on his face when he turned to look at her made her feel marginally better.

"When did you hear that?"

"You said it _more than once?_ "

She was surprised, and she didn't know why. She should have expected this.

He looked uncomfortable. "We can discuss this later."

"And we _will_." Mara promised, glaring.

She stepped back up, whistling to shut everyone up. She held up her blank wrist, waited until she had their attention, and let the Maze show. There were gasps and whispers all around.

"Now, Duke." She turned to murmur. A moment later, the Aether-tears hit their target, and Mara formed a new orb, which she held gently.

"You all know this mark. You know I can't make it appear unless I'm one of _you_. Gifted, Troubled.

"Are you ready, Dwight? After I talk, I want to move straight to you. And you'll need to take your shirt off." He shrugged, moving to take off the shirt as she turned to speak.

"Some of you may like being different. Anyone who wishes to stay a Guardian, I can give you new gifts, gifts that aren't damaged."

She ignored the muttering, turning to focus only on Dwight. Her friend. She honed her Intent, remembering every mistake and misstep. This would be perfect. It would.

For Jacob and Lizzie, Mara would give Dwight what he wanted.

She inhaled, crushing the orb in her hand. She stared into Dwight's eyes as she whispered, "Thank you."

Then she pressed her blackened hand against his chest, exhaling her Intent, directing it. Dwight was very still, but when he looked up his color was better, his eyes clear, every trace of illness gone.

She smiled gently. "We're only half done with you, Hendrickson. I'm going to change your tattoo now, okay? I need you to turn sideways, they'll want to see this."

Mara didn't feel his entire body as she had Nathan and Duke. Dwight was a Paladin, his gift was defense. She stuck to his left side, sensing for the Aether. Left upper arm.

She moved the fingers of her casted hand to run over his tattoo- it was much too large to touch all at once, and she waited for the Aether to work. Slowly, before the assemblage, Dwight's tattoo faded away.

There were panicked mutters throughout the crowd, and Mara had to whistle for quiet again as she moved her left hand to Dwight's left shoulder.

"The Gifted are one. You protect each other like a family, because that's what you are. Linked by Intent and Aether, you belong. Say you belong, Dwight."

"I belong."

"Are you willing to help protect Haven, and the people who reside here?"

"I am." His voice rang with sincerity.

"Dwight Hendrickson. Sentinel of the Void, son of Haven. _Thank you_."

She removed her hand as the Aether rushed over him to mark him. As the Maze appeared, Mara distinctly heard the word "witch".

She turned a cross look in the direction of the voice. "People tend to use the word 'witchcraft' for science they don't understand. This is the 21st century. There are recognized religions that practice witchcraft. This is no place for pitchforks. You sound like Driscoll."

There was scattered laughter and a few people clapped.

Dwight put his shirt back on as she turned to address the others.

"Okay, ask your questions, one at a time."

The first few were banal, things she'd already covered several times. It wasn't long before she got what she was expecting, though.

"How did this happen to us? Why can you fix it? What happened to the Barn and the cycle?"

"That's a lot of questions. Okay. You all know that except for the new outbreak, the gi- uh, Troubles are passed through families. Those started over 500 years ago. They were given as gifts to people who requested them."

They were worse than Duke, everything set them chattering. What a poorly-run group.

"Hey! You want an answer or not?" They quieted down.

"Gifts. To help with their lives. For example, the Glendowers could _choose_ when they wanted to be in the water. Everything went wrong when a man named William- I can see a few of you remember him- he altered the gifts, turned them malignant. That's one reason we're here today.

"William is coming back. We don't know when, but it will happen. He can only hurt you by altering your Troubles. If you're not Troubled, he's only physically dangerous."

She looked down.

"Don't let that make you complacent. He has no value for life, he's strong, smart and cruel. If you see him, call the cavalry and stay back. Don't, I mean it, **_do not_** engage him alone."

"We can fix you now because of _Duke Crocker_. He's your savior. He took the personal risk of being changed just so he could help you. He can remove your Troubles without anyone dying. But let me state- Duke has had a familial Trouble just like the rest of you, and you _shunned_ him, tried to make him your enemy. I'm going to repeat this until it sinks in. _The Gifted are one_. You must be a family, you must protect each other as well as the town, even if you don't like someone's gift.

"The Barn is gone, destroyed. The cycle is over, and the person who invented the Barn isn't interfering with our internal workings anymore. No more meteors. No more disappearance or resurgence of the Troubles. Those who are Gifted stay Gifted, the others stay normal. Untainted gifts, guys. You want to see how it works?"

Mara looked at Dwight. "You ready to test your new gift, Chief?" He looked panicky, but Mara trusted him.

"Okay, no guns, we don't want any accidents. But I'm sure one or two of you want a shot at me. Come forward. Try to hit me."

" _Mara, no!_ " Duke snapped, jumping to his feet.

"Trust me. Trust Dwight."

Mara stood next to Dwight. His head swiveled in the direction of Mara's attacker before he even stood. In a millisecond he was between Mara and the threat, poised for combat.

"Remember, gently. You're stronger than usual."

Mara took a half-step back as a second attacker stood, and suddenly everything was sound and motion. Dwight was fast and graceful, but every move was calculated. He spun the first attacker, planting a push-kick to his rear as he spun on the second adversary. It was over in seconds, nobody was injured and they hadn't gotten anywhere near Mara.

"Nicely done, Dwight. I knew you could handle this.

"Okay, everyone line up on this side of the room for Trouble removal. After that, anyone who wants to stay a Guardian, please stay here, there's more to do. Anyone who wants to wait before deciding on a new gift, call _Dwight_ -" Mara glared at Vince again- "and we'll set it up. I don't expect you to trust me, but I never meant harm to anyone. We can make things better for everyone going forward."

Mara moved to Duke and Nathan, trying to ignore the glower Duke was aiming at her.

"So," she began carefully, "That went better than I thought."

"That was a stupid, stupid stunt, Mara. What if one of them had hit you?"

"Easy, Duke." Nathan put a hand on his arm to calm him.

Mara sighed. "First of all, if you didn't notice, I've been hit before. I was also behind Dwight, and you guys were right here. l was safe. Also, I love you, so much- but I'm not a delicate flower, Duke. I can take care of myself, you know that."

"You can, but you don't. You have no sense of self-preservation, Mara. It scares me." Duke put his hand on her belly, begging her silently. His concern was so sweet. He wasn't discounting her ability, just her resolve.

She put her hands over his on her belly, nodding. "I'm sorry for scaring you, Duke. But please understand, if I can't deal with these people, I don't stand a chance against William. You think I'm being reckless, but I'm trying to find a way to save us. Please, Duke. I _can't_ let him take more."

Their quiet exchange hadn't gone unnoticed. Vince was watching nearby, and he gasped when he saw their hands on her hidden bump. Mara's head swiveled quickly in his direction, locking eyes with him. She straightened her spine, head high and shoulders back.

"Yes, Vincent?"

"You-You're pregnant?" Vince whispered.

"I am."

"How long?" He looked stunned.

"Almost 15 weeks."

"Were you going to say anything?"

His presumptuous attitude wound her back up.

"You know, I never did figure out how Harold found out about that 'loophole'. It always seemed strange. I mean, it was wrong either way- she worded it that way to hurt me more. Only killing William would have ended the Troubles. Not Nathan, not James. But still, I wonder how he found out."

Mara paused, staring at him as she continued.

"I love you, Vince. Part of me always will. _You're_ the one who turned on _me_. I thank you for saving me. You were my hero. But you can't imagine how it felt hearing you say what you did. Think it through. I'd have given birth on a dirty basement floor alone, starving and dehydrated. I wouldn't have hurt James for anything. We would have starved to death or bled out. And you were _sorry you interfered_."

She was holding Duke's hand too hard, a death grip, and she slowly straightened her right fingers. There was an imprint of her cast on Duke's hand, and she tried to rub it away. She didn't want to look up.

" _You_ , Vince. And you had your people pointing guns when the Hunter came, ready to shove me in yourself. Nathan could have died. Duke was gone for six months! What good did it do? I'm here, the meteors fell anyway. All you did was make them more curious. _You_ brought Charlotte Cross here."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I wouldn't have let him hurt you, I was just sad and tired."

Mara nodded, unwilling to shed tears with enemies nearby.

"We're all sorry for something. It's done. But Vince?" She waited for him to meet her eyes, walking so close to him she had to crane her neck. "If you betray me again, I won't be so forgiving." She whispered in Sarah's voice with a menacing undertone.

He took a long, measuring look at her, his shoulders slumped and he nodded.

Mara patted his cheek gently with her left hand, stood closer to Duke and Nathan, and began the tedious process of un-gifting the Guard.


	25. Yesterday and Days Before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own stuff, but Haven isn't one, and I make no money from it.
> 
> Song for this chapter is Have You Ever Seen the Rain by Creedence Clearwater Revival

The next few weeks passed in a set schedule.

Every other day they would remove gifts from anywhere between 8 and 30 people. Mara and Audrey had made 30 the absolute most they'd allow Duke to process in a day, worried about the stress on his body. He insisted he was fine and perfectly able to do 50 a day.

And he said Mara had no sense of self-preservation. Boys.

15 days after Mara had sent the Aether to search for James, it returned.

Audrey was at the station, updating her files on the Troubles they'd removed when the black bubble came through the window, floating directly in front of her.

_'It's my messenger! It must have an answer about James!'_

_'You drive. You know how to use it.'_

Mara stood to close the office door, wishing Nathan hadn't gone to get them lunch. When she was certain she had some privacy, she sat, letting the maze on her wrist show as she reached for the floating orb, her heart in her throat.

Images and sounds poured into her mind, not giving her time to breathe. Like watching a movie on fast-forward the Aether downloaded the information to Mara. She processed the information as her hand re-formed the orb and placed it in a small box she'd started keeping in her desk.

When Nathan came in with lunch, he thought the office was empty. No one was sitting at either desk, but Audrey's sweater was still over her chair. He had just put the sack down when he heard her breath, and he spun to look for her, confused.

On the floor in the corner of the office, hidden by her desk, she was a tight ball, her blonde hair was the only reason she was even visible.

This wasn't Audrey.

Nathan knelt next to her, pulling her into his arms. "What is it, Mara? What's wrong?"

Mara grabbed Nathan, holding on for dear life.

"He's gone, Nathan, James is gone." Mara whispered, her face pressed to his throat.

His heart plummeted. "He's... dead?"

Mara took a deep, shuddering breath. "Not dead, Nathan. He's _there_. He's in the Other World."

"Where you came from? What does that mean, is he okay?"

Mara shook her head, a blank look on her face. "He's safe. He's... with my father." Her eyes were red, and Nathan was lost- this should be good, right?

"Mara, why are you so unhappy? Isn't that good news?" As she gazed at him, a tear trailed down her face.

"It appears that my father knows who he is. He's training him to be an Occulus."

Nathan willed her to continue speaking, still confused.

"Nathan. My father is working with James. He knows that James is my son. Don't you see?"

"I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"That means my father knows. He knows what's happened to me. He knows and he still didn't come, Nathan. Didn't try to help me. My mother was still there when he took James in. She didn't say anything to me. Not a word."

Mara buried her face in Nathan's neck again."My father gave up. Stopped caring about me. Got a new apprentice. With James there, he doesn't need me. If they could manage to destroy my father's heart... well, I hope our son is more like you, Nathan."

They sat on the floor for a long time, Nathan just holding Mara as she cried.

As he thought about everything she'd been through and everyone who'd hurt her, he got more and more angry. How many people had suffered and died, not because of Mara's actions but because she was trying to get _away_? William, James, Charlotte- was there anyone there who wasn't trying to use her?

Yes. Yes there was, he realized. He and Duke and Audrey.

"Shh. It's okay. We know our son is safe and healthy, Mara. That's a win. I'm sorry about your father, I am, and I probably understand better than you know. All I can say is that you have me and Duke and Audrey, and we'll love you enough to make up for every sad day in your life. _We're_ your family now, Mara."

She nodded, her head against his chest. "Did I ever tell you I love this leather jacket? I wish you'd wear it more." She was usually much smoother at changing the subject. She was obviously upset.

"No, you never told me. That's a good thing to know. Something to help get me out of the doghouse when you're mad at me." He smiled into her hair.

Mara wiped her face on her sleeve, sniffling as she looked into his eyes. "James is okay. He's safe, and as an Occulus... he'll have a good life. I'm sorry for... this. I'm fine. It's not about me. I'm grown, I don't need parents. Don't want them."

"Don't be sorry. I want you to talk to me about things." Nathan smiled and hugged her. "You hungry?"

"Starving, but I'm having a craving. I'm going to have to wait till we get home to cook something." She rested her head on his shoulder, tired.

"Huh. A craving? It wouldn't be another fried egg and mashed potato sandwich, would it?"

Mara chuckled. "I know it's weird. I've heard worse though."

"Like what?" Nathan smiled at her, eyes twinkling.

"When I was pregnant with James, I had applesauce with olives at least twice a week."

"Oof. Green or black olives?"

"Black. I'm not a total freak." Nathan laughed loudly, climbing to his feet and pulling Mara up with him.

"Come sit down, have lunch with me." She sat, watching him unload the sack. He passed her a box, smiling. Curious, she opened it, her head jerking back up to stare at Nathan, stunned.

In the box, there was a perfect, beautiful fried-egg and mashed potato sandwich with cheese. The baby's food of choice.

"How?"

"I have a restaurant owner on speed dial. We wouldn't forget. You've had the same craving every afternoon for the last three days."

She was ridiculously touched by the gesture. She really would be okay, with Audrey, Duke and Nathan's help. She didn't have to hurt anymore. Mara deserved her own second chance; her opportunity to make a lasting life where she could learn that happiness and peace weren't things to fear.

Mara smiled brilliantly at Nathan, reaching out to squeeze his hand before she dug in.

* * *

Their first appointment with the obstetrician was the next afternoon.

Audrey and Mara were practically vibrating with excitement, and Audrey had checked the clock every three minutes for over an hour. She was almost making Nathan edgy.

"Audrey, calm down. I have my alarm set, Duke has his set, we will get there on time."

"We'll hear the heartbeat, Nathan! They're going to do an ultrasound, they may even be able to tell the gender! Usually, the book says they check gender at 18 weeks. I'm 17."

She spun comically and gaped at Nathan. "Do we want to know the gender? Or do we want to be surprised? Why didn't we discuss this? I have to text Duke, and you have to vote. We'll vote, that's fair, right? What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Nathan sighed, leaning back.

"Nothing is wrong, Audrey. You're wearing a groove in the floor with all the pacing. You're going to be exhausted by the time we're done with the doctor."

Audrey sat in her chair, fiddling with a pen. "What's your vote, Nathan?"

He considered. "I think I want to be surprised. That's my vote. I want to just enjoy you being pregnant. What an amazing surprise. We don't get many good surprises."

_'I agree with Nathan. I vote surprise. But text Duke anyway.'_

_'He has a point, and I guess we wouldn't be doing the trite blue or pink nursery anyway.'_

_'Do you think we could put a nursery on the Rouge?'_

_'Huh. I don't see why not. It's bigger than the apartment.'_

_'We don't spend much time at Nathan's house. Why?'_

_'I haven't asked, but I think the memories bother Nathan. It was his dad's.'_

_'Text Duke.'_

Audrey pulled out her phone, typing quickly.

Her hand and wrist itched constantly inside the cast, and the boys were always stopping her from shoving pencils and hangers and forks down the cast to scratch. She was sorely tempted to try and pull the damn thing off. It was loose enough from the decreased swelling and the beginnings of muscle atrophy.

**-Doctor today! Do you want to know the gender? I'm taking votes.-**

**-My tax dollars at work. Do you want to know?-**

**-I asked first! Right now we've got two in favor of surprise, one undecided and you need to vote.-**

**-I vote surprise.-**

Audrey bounced up and down, squealing quietly.

"What is it, Parker?"

"Duke votes surprise too! That's the answer." She grinned as she spun in her chair. He shook his head, smiling.

"You know, it's time to start telling people." Nathan said.

"Yeah. We don't have to really tell anyone but Laverne. All of Haven would know by dinner."

Nathan gave her a searching look. "What's wrong, Audrey?"

"Nothing. What are you talking about?"

"I know that look. You're anxious, but you weren't before I mentioned telling people. There, you did it again- you flinched. What's wrong, Parker?"

She sighed and stared at the ceiling. Nathan had somehow gotten more observant when he started feeling again.

"I'm not embarrassed, let's make that clear. I'm happy- ecstatic. We're in a small town though, and half the women in town hate me for having you. The other half didn't like me because Duke was interested in me. When we come out, they're _all_  going to hate me. And we'll be more of an oddity than we already are."

Nathan was trying to repress it, but he was definitely smiling as he said, "So you're worried about being judged and labeled by a town full of people who came here to avoid being judged and labeled?"

"Don't give me that, Wuornos, we're still a novelty. A polyamorous relationship, pregnant, and hey, the three of us intimately tied to the Troubles. There are a few camps they'll fall into: Ones who think it's reasonable that the three of us get together, those who think we're sick freaks and those who just don't care. I know how these people gossip, that's how we solve half our cases!"

"Yup. People will talk about us. People have been talking about us since you drove into Haven."

"Why are you smiling like that, then?"

"Because they'll be saying you're ours and we're yours. Sounds pretty damn good to me." Nathan was openly grinning, and Mara was laughing in her head, agreeing with Nathan.

Audrey couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, it really does, doesn't it?"

* * *

 

Audrey was even more anxious when they actually got there. She wiggled at bounced in her seat as the boys filled out Duke's part of the paperwork.

When the nurse finally called for her, Audrey stood quickly, grabbing Duke and Nathan. They approached the nurse, who said, "I'm sorry, only the husband or father can come back with you." Nathan started to back away, but Audrey wouldn't let go.

She and Mara stared holes in the nurse (who was easily 5 inches taller) and slowly, succinctly said "That's who they are. I'm more interested in checking on our baby than explaining our bedroom habits, so why don't we do that, instead."

It was kind of funny, watching larger people who always get their way wither under Audrey's piercing stare. Only kind of, because neither man liked being on the receiving end of that glare, and they knew how bad it felt.

"Easy, Tiger." Nathan whispered.

The nurse didn't complain again as she led them to an exam room.

Even working together, Audrey and Mara couldn't fasten the ties on the back of the gown, eventually getting fed up and making Duke tie them. "And no fancy knots, because you're going to untie them, got it?"

"Yes, Ms. Bossy-pants."

"I'm not wearing pants. Thus, the gown."

Nathan was snickering in the corner of the room. Audrey flashed him a grin as she sat on the bed, the paper crinkling as she moved.

Duke was smiling, but his eyes were serious as he spoke. "They're going to ask you a lot of questions. Be nice.... unless they're jerks, then go to town. I would offer to help, but you'd be offended."

"I know, and I don't care. I just want it clear that the three of us are together, no one more than the other. I wasn't letting her make you or Nathan stay out of the room. You both belong here."

Duke held his hands up, surrendering. "I just wanted to make sure you were prepared. 'Cause they're going to need my family history and all. Speaking of... we're going to have to lie a lot."

"Just let me and Mara deal with it. Between the two of us, we'll handle it."

The doctor came in, and in other company, he'd be handsome. But Mara and Audrey only had eyes for their boys.

"Good afternoon, I'm Dr. Rifley. You must be Audrey." He shook her hand- a good firm grip, and she smiled at him.

"I am, this is Nathan and this is Duke. They're my partners." She said it in a challenging tone, expecting more attitude like the nurse. She was surprised when he smiled and nodded.

"Congratulations to all of you. Since this is your first visit, let's take a look at the baby, huh?"

Smiling, Audrey lay back and tried to scoot so Mara could experience everything with her. The doctor stood next to the bed, Nathan and Duke on her other side. He draped a paper blanket over her legs and helped her pull the gown up, exposing the mound of baby she'd been carefully camouflaging. He pressed around her belly, measured what he called her 'fundal height'. He used a small tape measurer, saying that she was measuring a little big, but that wasn't surprising with tall fathers.

_'Check out Doctor Kink! He didn't even blink and he said 'fathers' plural. I like him.'_

_'I like him too, and he's highly rated._ '

"Are we going to see the baby?" Audrey asked, excited.

"Yes you are. You're far enough along that we're going to go over the top of your belly. If it was sooner, we'd have to do an internal, trans-vaginal ultrasound."

"We don't want to know the gender!" Mara blurted.

Dr.Rifley gave her a genuine smile. "That's a nice change. There aren't enough pleasant surprises anymore."

"That's exactly what Nathan said!" She laughed, smiling between her boys.

The doctor fiddled with a machine, spread cold goo on her belly and started moving it around with the handset. Audrey and Mara watched in fascination as the crazy snow on the monitor started looking like an actual human shape. The doctor took several measurements with the ultrasound, then asked, "Are you guys ready to hear the heartbeat?"

Duke beat everyone, Nathan only a moment behind. "Yes! Yes, yes, let's hear it!"

Audrey and Mara snickered quietly. Duke could be so adorable when he was excited. Nathan was even bouncing a little, nervous energy crackling around him.

Dr. Rifley turned a knob, pressed the probe a little more firmly into her stomach, and a rapid heartbeat filled the room.

"It's so fast!" Audrey said in awe. She could see Duke holding Nathan's hand, and it felt like her heart was too big, pressing against her chest. She reached out, and her hand rested on theirs as they heard the sweet music of their child's heartbeat.

"Have you been feeling movement yet, Audrey?" Dr.Rifley asked.

"Kicking? No. I don't think so."

"It won't feel like kicking right away, because the baby is still small. More like flutters, like butterflies."

"Oh. I don't know, then. I expected it to feel like kicking."

' _I know what it feels like. I'll tell you, Audrey. I promise._ '

"You'll start noticing very soon. Because you're in such good shape, your abdominal muscles are still tight- that's why you're still pretty small. First babies sometimes take 5 to 6 months to start showing. Even mothers with smaller frames, like you.

"You can take an over-the-counter prenatal vitamin, but they can be hard on the stomach, especially if you're still having morning sickness. Are you having morning sickness?"

"Yes, but it's hardly ever in the morning." Audrey complained.

The doctor laughed. "If it's any comfort, morning sickness is usually a sign of a healthy pregnancy. If it gets to the point where it's severe, I can give you a prescription for Zofran. In the meantime, if the prenatal vitamins make you sick, just take folic acid and eat a balanced diet."

"Excuse me, doctor, I have a question." Duke cut in, his hand raised.

"You don't have to raise your hand, Mr. Crocker. You can all ask whatever you like." Dr. Rifley smiled, amused.

"Don't tell him that, we just got him trained!" Mara whined dramatically.

"In your professional opinion, is a fried egg, mashed potato and cheese sandwich part of a balanced diet? We seem to have a slight difference in opinion on the matter."

"Shut up, Duke. It's whole grain bread."

"She picked out the tomato!"

"It was an abomination!" Mara hissed back.

The doctor looked at Nathan. "At least you're never bored."

Nathan just shook his head.

"As long as you're eating other things too- and I agree, tomato on that sounds awful- it's fine to indulge cravings. We believe that you have them for a reason, so as long as you're not going overboard, it's fine. All things in moderation, okay, mom and dads?"

_'I was wrong. I don't like him, I love him. I wonder if he's married....'_

_'One more man and we'd officially have a harem, Mara.'_

_'You say that like it's a bad thing.'_

They stuck their tongue out at Duke.

"Yeah, okay." Duke pouted, and Mara reached to hold his hand, rubbing circles on his knuckles.

The doctor gave them a bag full of what Audrey called 'Helpful pamphlets and information' and Mara called 'crap', a few printouts and a dvd of the ultrasound and a date for another appointment.

Audrey waved at the nasty nurse, smiling sweetly.

_'One little Gift would fix her right up.'_

_'Mara! We don't hand out Troubles for revenge.'_

_'Maybe you don't, Moral Compass Barbie. I'm considering it, though.'_

They left laughing, and refused to tell their boys why.


	26. Master of Illusions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm expecting a call any day offering the rights, but it hasn't happened yet.
> 
> The actual song for this chapter is Silent Lucidity by Queensryche.
> 
> The other song mentioned here is Exquisite Corpse from Hedwig and the Angry Inch, written by John Cameron Mitchell and Stephen Trask. I don't own it, but I'll use it as long as they have that awful drunk video of me.

Nausea woke Mara, and she crawled out of bed, away from her partners. Audrey was sleeping, and Mara tried not to wake her.

She headed for her kitchen, for the crackers and ginger ale they kept for her.

The apartment was so quiet with the others asleep. Mara hadn't really been alone since she woke up in Audrey, and the solitude she used to love was making her anxious.

Stupid hormones.

She stood at the counter, nibbling on a cracker as she watched tiny lights bobbing on the water from her window. It was beautiful, the way the sea reflected the moonlight.

She was taking out a second cracker when the hair on her neck stood on end, a shiver running up her spine.

She felt a presence in the room.

She slowly wrapped her fingers around a butcher knife as she turned to look around.

She wished she'd turned the lights on. She couldn't see anything out of place, but she could have sworn she'd seen movement from the corner of her eye.

Her heart was racing, her palms sweaty. She needed to get back to the bed, wake the boys so they could stomp around with their guns and make her feel safe. The problem was, she was suddenly petrified to cross the kitchen to get to the bed. And if there was an intruder, shouting to wake them would be dangerous.

She took a deep breath, trying to control her shaking hands. She pressed against the wall, edging toward the bedroom. It was less frightening if she kept her back to the wall and from the edge of the kitchen she ran the few steps to the bed. Nathan was closest, so she knelt next to the bed, reaching to shake him awake.

When he didn't respond to her shaking him, she reached over to turn on the bedside lamp and felt the chill of wetness on her fingers. The fear redoubled, and she finished turning the light on.

Nathan looked so pale. Could he be sick? She reached out to shake him again when she saw the blood on her hand.

No. Nononono.

Mara stood and pulled the blanket back.

Her crisp white sheets were crimson, shiny with wet blood, and Duke and Nathan stared blankly, jagged slices standing out grotesquely against the skin of their throats.

The world tilted and spun. She was hyperventilating. They couldn't be gone. She needed them desperately.

How had she let this happen?

"There you are!" The words sounded jovial, welcoming. But oh, she knew that voice.

William had come, and she hadn't felt it. Duke and Nathan were dead because of her.

"Why?" Mara whispered.

"Because nobody touches what's mine. But come, let's have a look at you."

She didn't move, didn't want to be any closer to William than she was. He sighed and walked to her instead, and she couldn't move, her feet were stuck.

William eyed her belly, visible in the tank top and shorts she'd worn to bed. "What have you done, Mara? Have you gotten so sick you'll lay with animals? That's disgusting. We're going to have to fix your mistake now. And look, you even brought me the tool!"

She lashed out with the knife, slicing his arm, an identical wound opening on her own arm as he wrenched the knife from her grip, slicing her hand in his haste.

"Now I want you to remember, this is all your fault. _You_ killed them, Mara. You got greedy. They're dead because of you. You're poisonous, you bring misery to everyone you touch. You're lucky I'm still willing to keep you. Now, be a good girl and try not to scream. This'll probably hurt."

He smiled his bright, happy smile as he shoved the knife into her belly.

"All your fault, Mara. Don't forget to bandage that hand, you don't want to get an infection. See you soon, baby. Oops! Slip of the tongue. Ha- baby. What, too soon?"

He grabbed her hair, kissing her viciously, his teeth splitting her lip. She felt blood pool in her mouth.

"See you soon, Mara."

And he disappeared.

As he faded away, she became aware of the pain- her belly, her hand, her lips. She didn't care. Nathan, Duke and their baby were gone, and Mara was alone.

Her body finally unfroze and she hit the floor, closing her eyes and keening for her lost family.

* * *

 

The wailing woke Nathan first, and he flipped on the light, confused.

Mara was on the floor next to him, lying in a fetal position and crying like her heart was broken. He shook Duke as he got out of the bed, approaching her carefully. He knelt next to her, reaching out to touch her arm. "Mara?"

She scrambled up, screaming now in terror. Her eyes were wide and blank, and he wondered if she was sleepwalking.

Duke jumped up next to him. "Mara, what's wrong? What happened? Are you awake, sweetheart?"

Her eyes darted back and forth, and she wanted to throw herself at them, touch them to make sure they were real. But a voice in her head kept whispering "Poisonous" over and over, and she grabbed her head, shaking.

She stood and ran, ran for the hold of the ship, grabbing Audrey's cuffs as she flew. She dashed down into the dark hold, running to her spot by memory, yanking the loosened cast off and cuffing her right wrist, dropping to her knees and snapping the other cuff to the bolt in the floor.

This is where she belonged. Locked up where she couldn't hurt anyone. She was shaking, and she yelped when the light flickered on, Duke and Nathan running to her. Duke dropped down instantly, pulling her into his arms even as she tried to push him away.

After fighting for a few minutes she sagged, limp against him as tears poured down her face.

"Mara, sweetheart, talk to us."

She stared at her hands. There was a fresh, deep cut on her right hand- the hand that held the knife in her dream. She brought her left hand to her mouth, and felt a split lip, saw the gash in her arm where she'd cut William.

Suddenly she snapped into clarity, yanking up her shirt to run her hand all around her belly. No cut. But could the baby be hurt?

_'Audrey, did you see it?'_

_'I did. It was like you couldn't hear me. Are you okay?'_

_'No. Not really. Why are we bleeding? It felt so real.'_

_'We can figure it out, but you have to talk to them, tell them everything. And you're not poisonous, Mara. Don't let him get in your head. You don't belong down here.'_

_'It was right, though. I'm going to be the death of all of you. You need to let me go."_

_'I'm not giving up. We're going to figure this out. Now make them uncuff you before we get tetanus.'_

Mara stared down, filled with shame and self-loathing. Every time she got too comfortable, something awful happened. Maybe it was a sign.

"I don't have the keys." She whispered.

Nathan already had a set of keys out, and he removed the cuffs, taking her right hand to examine gently.

"Did you get cut taking the cast off?"

She shook her head, staring at him in misery.

"Nate, we need to get her up to bed. I think she's in shock. I'll carry her."

Duke scooped her up, and she didn't protest. She felt like she'd lost her grip on language. Her words were gone.

From her vantage point in his arms, she could see Duke's entire throat. Not a mark on him, thank gods.

He finally reached the bedroom, setting her down in the middle of the bed. Nathan brought her water and a pain pill, certain she'd be hurting badly from throwing herself around.

Duke tried to check her hand and arm but she yanked back, the words coming without permission. "You can't touch my blood! You'll strip me!"

Duke tilted his head. "No I won't. I can't absorb your blood, remember? Only people who were _given_ the gifts and troubles. You're not the same."

Mara thought about that. It was true, he'd touched her blood before and his eyes never even went silver. His words rang in her head- not the same. They'd been telling her for weeks that she and William were not the same.

Maybe...

Mara looked at Duke. "We'll test a single drop. Enough so we know what happens, not enough to strip me."

Duke put his hand out and Mara tilted her hand, letting a single drop fall into his palm.

Nothing happened. The crimson drop sat in his hand. It was true, he couldn't absorb her blood.

Her eyes finally met his, and her voice was barely a whisper as she said, "But you could absorb William's... because he's not like me."

She gave her hand to Duke, letting him doctor her.

"Without stitches, these are going to scar, sweetheart."

"I'm nothing _but_ scars." She started to sing quietly, a song he'd never heard. It was a beautiful melody, especially with her voice, but the lyrics left him chilled.

"I've got it all sewn up

a hardened razor-cut

scar-map across my body

and you can trace the lines

Through misery's design

that map across my body

 

A collage

I'm all sewn up

A montage

I'm all sewn up

 

A random pattern with a needle and thread

the overlapping way diseases are spread to a

tornado body With a hand gernade head

and the legs are two lovers entwined

 

 Inside I'm hollowed out

Outside's a paper shroud

And all the rest's illusion

That there's a will and soul

That we can wrest control

From chaos and confusion

 

A collage I'm all sewn up

A montage I'm all sewn up

 

The automatist's undoing

the whole world starts unscrewing

as time collapses and space warps

You see decay and ruin

I tell you, 'no, no, no, no

You make such an exquisite corpse'

 

I got it all sewn up

a hardened razor cut

scar-map across my body

and you can trace the lines

through misery's design

that map across my body

 

a collage

I'm all sewn up

A montage

I'm all sewn up. All sewn up."

 

She fell silent again, looking at her bandaged hand. It was scrawny and pale from her time in the cast, which she really wasn't supposed to take off. She'd just be careful and mind her temper.

The boys were on either side of her, both with their arms around her. Eventually she couldn't take the silence anymore.

"I think... I think William is close to a door. Close enough to feel. I- we were at the apartment, and I was nauseous so I went to eat crackers, but then it felt like someone else was there. I grabbed a knife and went to the bed to wake you. You were both... he'd cut your throats.

"I threatened to cut your throats once. How can you stand me? How could I have said that?"

"Hush, Mara. You were scared and angry. I threatened you with the same thing once when I was scared and angry. Do you hold that against me?"

"No, Nathan, but you were just trying to save Audrey. She's worth protecting."

Duke's voice had a hard edge as he said, "And you were trying to save yourself. You're worth protecting too, Mara." He stared daggers at her, like he knew what she'd been thinking.

He probably had.

She looked away. "You were both dead, and William was there. He... reprimanded me. I cut his arm, which cut my arm. He took the knife from my hand, that's how I got that cut. He... stabbed me in the stomach, told me you were all dead because I was greedy.

"He grabbed my hair and kissed me, that's how my lip split. Then he said he'd be back soon."

Duke and Nathan exchanged a loaded glance.

"Mara," Nathan said quietly, "You could have been having a night terror. I haven't seen any knives out, and we're not at the apartment."

Mara shook her head. That was Nathan's problem. No matter how much magic permeated his life, he still tried to hold onto logic.

"I know it was him. The things he said... joking about the baby after he stabbed me and saying, 'Too soon?' That's William. Go, see if you can find the cast, I dropped it next to my spot. If there's blood inside, will you listen to me?"

"I just want you to feel better. I'll get the cast." As he stood, she grabbed him.

"Bring your gun."

He nodded, grabbing the gun as he headed below.

Mara leaned on Duke. He held her, stroking her hair.

"I'm scared." She finally admitted in a whisper.

"I am too. But we're together. We can do anything together."

Anything together. Silver eyes. Not like William. William's blood. She felt thick and slow, phrases rattling around her brain and bouncing off each other, getting scrambled up.

You did this. You'll strip me. Not like William. Only gifts that were given. Silver eyes. Poisonous. But you could absorb William's blood.

Silver eyes poisonous. Strip gifts given. William's blood. Do this. Together.

Mara froze, listening to the words.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

She shook her head, still thinking. Nathan came in with her cast. He handed it over wordlessly, his face grim.

She held it to the light, showing the blood inside the cast.

"But my stomach... there's no cut. What if the baby's hurt? We should go to the hospital! We have to protect the baby!"

Almost immediately, as if in response to her fear, she felt the flutter of butterfly wings.

_'Audrey!'_ Mara called urgently _._

_'What? What's wrong?'_

_'That feeling, that's the baby moving.'_

_'It is? It's like... carbonation. Soda bubbles. Wow!'_

There was a more definite shift then- Mara would bet it was the baby rolling.

' _Yes. Yes, it is. The baby is okay._ '

Mara melted into Duke. "Nevermind. We just felt the baby move."

"You did?" Duke spoke, but both their hands flew to her belly. She smiled a little.

"I don't know that you'll be able to feel yet. Not unless she wants you to."

Duke ignored her- logic didn't hobble him as it did Nathan- and moved so he could press the side of his face against her belly.

"Come on, baby. Give us a good strong move. Let your dads know you're okay."

The flutter started, ending with a muted thump right where her boys were touching.

Even Mara's eyes went wide with disbelief. She'd only just felt the flutters herself, not only should the boys not be able to feel it, but she was sure, absolutely certain that the baby had understood and answered Duke's request.

Would he ever stop surprising her?

Duke grinned. "Good job, baby!" He kissed her belly and there was another soft thump against his lips.

Mara was lost in thought. "I know it's late, I'm sorry. But I need to go to the apartment. I have to see something."

She was already getting up, getting dressed. She ignored their protests.

"I'll go alone if you're sleepy, but I am going. There are answers I need to find."

She grabbed Nathan's keys- she really should bring her own car over- and headed for the door.

The men scrambled for shoes and shirts, running to catch up.

"At least let me drive, Mara. You're on medication, remember?"

She shrugged and tossed him the keys, never slowing until she was outside where she could feel the breeze and smell the sea. She jumped onto the dock, heading for the Bronco at a more measured pace.

They piled in, and Mara was silent, thinking as they drove.

Poisonous silver eyes can strip gifts given. William's blood.

_Silver eyes can strip gifts from William_. The thought finally distilled to the answer.

Her head turned to gaze at Duke. Not the man, but the godling. She could see it in him clearly. Even worried, he was beautiful. Nathan on her other side, the man who traveled time and broke the rules too, even though he was human.

Maybe she could protect him. The way he protected them. The Godling, the Witch and the Man, off in the magic Bronco, off to kill the wizard.

Or figure out the plan, at least.

They pulled right up to her stairs, and she moved to lead them upstairs, stopping to unlock the door. She took a deep breath, crossing the threshold and flipping on the light.

She felt ill.

On her living room wall, in what looked like blood, there were words.

" ** _Should intermitted vengeance arm again His red right hand to plague us?_** "

She walked farther. Crackers open on the counter.

Her breath came in quiet, rapid gasps as she turned for the beaded curtain and the bed. It looked okay, the comforter spread over it, but there on the floor by Nathan's side of the bed was a large puddle of blood and her butcher knife. Panting, she grabbed the edge of the comforter and yanked it back.

The bed was covered in blood.

Her vision went hazy and she took a shaky step, then everything went black.

* * *

She opened her eyes, staring up at Nathan and Duke. "What happened?"

"You fainted, sweetheart. It's okay, Nate caught you before you hit the floor. I know this is a stupid question, but are you okay?"

"Did you see the blood?"

He nodded, eyes bleak.

"Good." She pulled herself up, Nathan propping her in a sitting position.

"Uh... did you say ' _good_ '?"

She nodded, crawling to the pool of blood on the floor. "Please, please be fresh enough." Mara begged quietly. She turned her head.

"Duke, will you please come here?"

He was by her side in an instant. She pointed to a smaller puddle of blood a few inches from the large one. She was breathing too fast, wound to the point of snapping from the anxiety.

"Will you...please... touch that?"

Her breath came faster as he knelt, his hand reaching to the blood. She couldn't take this much longer.

Her breathing stopped completely as his fingers made contact, and she prayed to the Old Gods.

He turned to look at her with silver eyes and she sobbed loudly, the anxiety rushing from her body making her tremble. She launched herself at him, hugging him until he couldn't breathe.

"You saved her, Duke, you saved her!" Mara sobbed into his neck.

"I don't understand, Mara. What the hell happened?"

"That was _William's_ blood." She stared at him, willing him to understand.

"And William isn't like you. You gifted him! Oh my god, are you serious? Did that work? Could it be that simple?"

She laughed through her tears. " _Simple_. We all died for this. Let the Aether out, Duke. Let's see if we got it all."

As they processed the Aether, she explained to Nathan.

"William forced me to gift him, he's not naturally bonded to the Aether. It only occurred to me tonight, hearing his words next to yours, and the damnable quote on the wall. I made William bleed, too. The blood was still wet, fresh enough to be viable. Duke just stripped William's gift. And destroyed the bond along with it. He can be _killed_ , Nathan."

"That's... that's a miracle."

Duke interrupted, "The quote on the wall, that's Milton, right?"

She nodded. "Paradise Lost, line 174. The whole poem is about war between Heaven and Hell. He's always thought he was a god. Well, if he is, I'm the Morningstar. And I won't let him win again. No. Now it's our turn. We need to get his picture circulating again, the more people looking, the better. I need to talk to Dwight. Actually... I think I better call him."

She grabbed the phone, dialing.

"Hendrickson."

"I'm sorry to wake you Dwight, but there's... a crime scene in my apartment. Can you come? Bring Vince, I'll wake him, but no uni's, okay? This needs to stay private."

"I'll be there soon."

She sighed, dialing Vince.

She couldn't even make out the greeting in his sleepy voice.

She slipped into Sarah's voice purposely. "Vince, you need to get up. Dwight will pick you up but you need to get to my apartment, please Vince, please."

"Are you alright?" He snapped to attention and she heard him moving around.

"A little banged up, but you need to see this. For the Guard."

"I'll be waiting for Dwight. Be safe."

She hung up and looked at her boys. "Can we go sit on the porch? I... There's nowhere without blood but the bathroom, and I've seen enough."

"Yeah, come on." Duke helped her up and they went out to the porch. As she sat, she stared at the full moon, the water reflecting it was the silver of Duke's eyes.


	27. Teach Me How to Pray

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Face it, only the actors own it. Otherwise it's just words.
> 
> Song for this chapter is 'Help Me" by Concrete Blonde.

They had been waiting for about 15 minutes when they heard the car pull up and they stood, Mara in the front- mouth torn and bruising, blood already soaking through the bandages on her arm and hand, some drops sliding down her arm. She had bruises everywhere.

She looked like she'd been beat half to death, but she still stood tall and proud. An avenging angel in a black tank top and leggings. She was letting the Maze on her wrist show as Dwight rushed up the stairs, Vince and Dave on his heels.

She wasn't prepared to see Charlotte with them, her medical bag in hand.

Mara took a quick step back into Nathan, who wrapped his arms around her as Duke held her hand gently.

Dwight, Vince and Dave spread out in front of her and she hugged them one by one. Dave first, who squeezed her tight, whispering, "It's okay, love. We'll protect you."

"I know, Davey. It's just been a rough night." She kissed his cheek.

Then Vince, despite the fact that she'd been angry with him. He'd come when she called, and that's what mattered. When it came down to the wire, he had her back.

"You're _injured_. Those bandages are soaked. What happened, Audrey?" He was trying to be a strong leader, but he looked so sad, like seeing her injured was hurting him.

Vince still loved her.

"I'm Mara right now, though Audrey's with me. I'd rather explain all at once."

She moved to Dwight, squeezing him. "Thank you for coming so fast. I'm guessing that's why _she's_ here?"

"She heard me talking to you, she wanted to make sure you were okay."

Mara looked down, pursing her lips. "I've told all of you that William was coming. Some didn't believe. I'm going to prove it now."

She stared at Charlotte for a moment. "You didn't tell me about Daddy and James. Why?"

"I didn't want to hurt you, Dove."

Mara laughed mirthlessly. "You didn't want to _hurt_ me? That's a new one. You've done nothing _but_ hurt me since I was 13. The next lie, the next time you hide something about me, we're over. I've no room in my life for more anger. It's my turn to have a life and be loved. You can be happy for me or you can stay out of my way. Your choice."

She turned back to the others. "It's pretty bad in there, just... be prepared."

Unwilling to show weakness in front of Charlotte, she spun with her back straight, face as close to impassivity as she could manage. She absently stroked her belly, feeling the rapid movements inside her.

Mara heard the gasps as they entered the living room and read the bloody wall. She crossed her arms as she watched them talk, wishing she was back on the _Rouge_ , tucked in with Duke and Nathan.

"It's worse in here, guys." She beckoned for them to follow her into the bedroom, through the beaded curtain that just didn't feel fun or safe anymore. Not like the steel of the _Rouge_.

She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep here again. She would have to think of something to tell the boys. She couldn't just invite herself to move in, and she didn't want to. She only wanted to be there if they _wanted_ her there. Neither man had brought up official cohabitation.

She'd start looking for a new place tomorrow, she decided.

"Good lord, whose blood is this?" Vince asked, aghast.

"You'll have to test to be sure, but I believe the blood on the bed is Nathan and Duke's. The blood on the floor is definitely mine."

They stared at Duke and Nathan, confused.

"Mara," Dwight began, "The bed is soaked through. If it was Nathan's and Duke's, they'd be dead."

"They were." Mara whispered just loudly enough.

* * *

They sat in the living room, Mara on the floor against Duke and Nathan's legs as she told her story. She pulled off the soaked bandages, showing the deep lacerations. She'd been lucky, a little bit to either side and he would have sliced her tendons or ligaments. He could have ruined her right hand forever.

Charlotte _begged_ Mara to let her suture the wounds.

"Fine, okay, but no injections."

Charlotte blanched. "Mara, your hypersensitivity. Without lidocaine or pain meds, it's going to be torture."

"I don't care. No injections. I'm sorry. I know it sounds cruel, but I just don't trust you. Every time I try, you lie again. I don't have pain medication. I've been tortured before. I'll get through it."

Charlotte sat on a stool next to her, and Mara held Duke's leg like a vice, trying not to make any noise or show she was hurting.

A few minutes in, she turned her face into Duke's thigh and he felt the wetness of tears soaking his pants, though her body never moved. He stroked her hair, rubbed his hand against her neck, wishing he could take the pain for her. Her hand alone took 22 sutures, and by the time that was done she said, "Excuse me please, I need a moment." her voice sounding strangled though the words were as precise as always.

She pulled Nathan and Duke outside with her, leaving the others to take blood samples and document the scene.

Duke sat and she curled up in his lap, holding Nathan's hand.

"This is hard. I don't know if I can get through the arm, the cut is so much deeper."

"Maybe you should reconsider the numbing. I know you don't trust Charlotte, but she couldn't really do much with all of us there."

"You're going to think it's stupid, but... I don't want to show weakness in front of her. If it had just been the guys, I'm pretty sure I'd have been crying like a baby even without the pain. It's too much, I feel like I'm wound too tight, about to snap. I can't let my guard down around her. And you'd be surprised at how many drugs can kill a baby even in a tiny injection. No, no drugs. I just have to find another way to cope, I'll be okay."

She looked out over the water, a lump in her throat. She _loved_ this apartment. Loved the view, being so close to Duke, how everything was so perfect for her, and now she had to give it up, find a place to rent from some stranger.

She wondered if she'd qualify to buy a house.

"Duke?"

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"I... I don't want the deposit or anything, and I'll take care of having it cleaned and painted, but I can't stay here anymore. I'll pay until you find a new tenant, though."

"Don't worry about it, I understand. I don't want your money anyway."

"I really loved this place." Mara whispered.

"It's just a place. Home can be anywhere."

Tears dripped down her face. She didn't have a home anymore. The thought was oddly frightening. Audrey had never had a place that felt like home before, and Mara was sick that her existence had cost Audrey _again_.

_'Don't worry, Mara. It's a state of mind. All of Haven is our home. I bet Vince and Dave have at least one property for rent. Hell, they own half the town.'_

_'I could probably sniff out any recording devices they set up.'_

_'We can ask when we get in. If you want, we can go to the E.R. and have a doctor treat our arm. At least then you could be numb.'_

_'No, I can do this.'_

She stood with a sigh, bone-weary. "Time for round two."

"Mara, are you _sure_ -"

"Yes Nathan. I have to be strong now."

She walked back in, tears carefully hidden away, pain masked. They were just finishing photographing and collecting samples. Mara took her former position against Nathan and Duke's legs, arm around Nathan's leg so she could squeeze when it got bad.

It started to get _bad_ with the first suture.

She pressed her lips tight, staring away from her mother. She heard thunder rumbling and tried to breathe normally, squeezing Nathan's leg.

"So, Vince." Mara fought to keep her tone even. "I know tonight isn't exactly a great reference, but do you have any apartments or houses for rent?"

She felt Duke freeze against her, but the needle bit into her again, making her squeeze Nathan too hard, making him flinch. She immediately felt guilty for hurting him, pulling her hand off his leg and just sitting on it to keep herself still.

"I'm sure we can find something for you, Mara."

"Thanks Dave, but Mara has a place, don't you, Mara?"

She stared at Duke, confused. "We just talked about-"

"About you not staying here, and I agree with you. Just move into the Rouge."

She was trying to focus, to understand what he was saying, but the pain was getting worse and it wouldn't _stop_. She pressed her face against Duke's thigh, struggling to stay quiet. Her tears were silent but constant.

Eventually she whimpered aloud, and Duke knew she was losing control. A storm broke outside; pouring rain, great claps of thunder rattling the windows. The night had been clear and calm when they arrived, and Dwight went to open the curtains, confused. They could see lightning flashing across the sky.

Mara looked at Nathan. "There's a lantern on the top shelf of the closet." Her voice was garbled, every word a struggle. "Please get it."

He went immediately, and he was just turning it on when the power died.

"Put that wherever Charlotte needs it."

The wind screamed for her, but she was shaking.

They all happened to be looking out at the storm when the needle punctured her again; as the agony pushed at her control, the sky lit up in a fantastic display of lightning and suddenly the Maze was a fire against the sky, clear and unmistakable. It was like the lightning had frozen, the symbol shining over the water like it was trying to comfort her.

The looks on the faces around her were almost enough to make her smile.

Almost.

They were staring between her and the display in the sky, all childlike wonder.

"Gas leak?" Mara suggested through gritted teeth.

" _You're_ doing this." Dave's voice was proud, sweet as ever.

"Yeah."

"Why?" Dwight asked, shocked.

Mara buried her face in Duke's thigh, embarrassed, and he stroked her hair.

"Because she's in pain. Distress. Sometimes it manifests as a storm." Duke said it like it was perfectly reasonable.

"You can change the weather, Mara?" Dwight had never sounded so surprised.

"Yeah. Sorry."

Charlotte laughed a little. "You should have seen her as a baby. She didn't get a handle on the ability until she was 7."

"That was before the pandemic, right?" Nathan asked

"Yes. Some people are born with special abilities. Not many, and we do our best to hide them, because if they're discovered the council has a decree that they may take a talented individual at any age."

"Take them for what reason?" Nathan asked quietly.

"To use them. It's gotten so parents are sending talented children through Thinnies just so they have a chance of life outside the Council. Okay Dove, it's over. I'm done. Do you still have the pain pills at home?"

"A couple."

Charlotte took out a pad, writing a prescription. "You can get this filled anywhere, okay? Hydrocodone, like the last one. It's safe for the baby as long as you're not taking it regularly during the third trimester."

"I know what it is. Thank you."

Mara looked at Duke and Nathan. "I can't make it stop. Help me, please?" She whispered almost silently.

"Dwight, you guys gonna be awhile?" Duke asked.

"There's a few more things to do."

"We're gonna go downstairs, try to get the weather settled. Probably shouldn't have people driving in this." He helped Mara up, leaving his arm around her so she could lean as he led her and Nathan down to the bar.

* * *

 

As soon as the door was safely locked behind them, Mara sunk to the floor, sobbing.

"It's okay Mara, you did so well." Nathan sat on the floor and rocked her.

"I think we're gonna need more than words here, Nate."

Duke joined them on the floor, moving Mara so he was holding her, her back to his chest. "Do you trust me?"

She nodded.

"Do you trust Nate?"

She nodded again.

Duke pulled her shirt off, careful not to hit her injuries. His hands rose to cup her breasts, gentle yet demanding as the lightning strobed behind them: their only light source.

Nathan understood immediately, kneeling up to remove his shirt and pulling Mara's shoes off before tracing a finger over her waistband. "Can I undress you, Mara? I really want to feel you."

She nodded again, the sobbing tapering off and turning to soft panting as Duke massaged her breasts.

Nathan finished undressing her, his fingers lingering on her hip. Mara gazed at him and he kissed her gently, licking into her mouth so he wouldn't hurt her torn lip. She heard a zipper, and when she opened her eyes, Nathan was naked, crawling closer.

He kissed her belly, trailing his lips up her body, pressing a kiss against Duke's hand on his way up.

Duke leaned back, his insistent hands pulling Mara with him as he went, laying her back and supporting her all at once as Nathan moved between her legs.

"I'm afraid I'll hurt you." She whispered.

"I'm not." Nathan stated simply, pressing into her.

Mara moaned quietly, pushing her head back against Duke. She brought her legs up automatically, cradling Nathan against her. She reached to capture his lips in a kiss, smiling when Duke demanded one too- from both of them.

They rocked together as the storm raged outside, Duke kissing her neck and squeezing her breasts.

Mara began pushing back, meeting Nathan's thrusts and driving him deeper.

" _Harder_." She whispered.

Nathan rocked her harder, pushing her against Duke. She brought her arms up carefully, holding him against her. He fit her body perfectly, sharp angles and soft curves somehow working together to make them something new; something better.

Mara gasped, her muscles beginning to tighten. Thunder rolled, and suddenly Duke had his hand between them, rubbing circles that made her back arch, a cry breaking from her mouth.

As Duke rubbed, she moaned, and every sound pushed Nathan harder, driving into Mara with the singleminded desperation to make her _feel better_.

Even silent, Duke was managing to direct them.

Mara was gasping, staring up at Nathan with a heartbreaking combination of love and fear, and he felt strength surge through him, making him feel ten-feet tall and bulletproof. That this amazing woman- _these_ amazing _women_ \- who altered the universe like the God he'd been taught to worship could only do in old books could want him; love him, fear for him, choose to spend time with, be willing to _die for him_. It defied comprehension.

He started really moving, taking possession of her in a way he never had before. He drove into her and everything was perfect; they were alive and okay and together, and Mara's choked cry was drowned out by the thunder as she clenched around him, a long groan of his own echoing through his chest.

The thunder passed and the wind sighed itself out, the rain turning from a deluge to a sweet, cleansing shower.

Nathan pressed his lips to her ear, whispering, "I love you, Mara. I love you so much." as he pulled out of her.

She smiled. He said _her_ name.

They lay on the floor, cuddled up with Duke. She glanced up at him, blushing in the darkness.

"Duke?"

"Yes, Mara?"

She thought about her words carefully, but decided that none of them were right. She'd have to rely on her old fallback: Brazen it through.

She climbed to her knees, unzipping his fly as she moved to pull his button-up and undershirt off. She saw the sparkle of his smile in the shadows and she straddled him, hands flat against his chest. He was already hard and she lowered herself onto him slowly, rocking her hips.

He sat up, his arms going around her as Nathan moved to support Duke. Mara could hear Nathan kissing Duke's shoulders as she began to move and the idea, the _sound_ , made her feel flushed, much too hot, like the clothes weren't enough-she needed to take her skin off to cool down.

She could only see shapes in the thick shadows, but she focused the Aether inside her and stared, _making_ herself see.

Nathan's arms around Duke, supporting him. Letting him lean on him. The absolute focus on the feel of Duke's skin against his now-so-sensitive lips. The brooding, manly, beautiful look on Nathan's face. The constant shush-shush of his lips kissing Duke's neck, licking the droplets of sweat.

More than that- so much more- Duke's face when he thought nobody was watching, that nobody could _see_.

His eyes were closed, a beautiful, joyful smile on his lips. She could see his soul, so starved for love, as he reveled in the one dream, the one prayer he'd never let himself pray aloud.

_To love and be loved in return._

The simplest wish, really. But that one tiny, simple wish- it made the man.

His self-sacrifice, even when there was no reward. His blind, unshakable faith, his trust in them- even when they hadn't deserved it. His capacity for forgiveness, his desperate drive to protect- Even to protect Mara _back then_ , back when she was nothing but a nightmare, their worst fear embodied.

Everything he did, every breath he took he did because he _loved_ so much. She could see the number of times black thoughts had consumed him, the times he almost couldn't go on but had stayed his hand, thinking about the people he loved. The man lived and died for love, and _no one_ had given it.

Chaotic emotions whirled inside Mara. Love, fear, possessiveness, remorse, anger, vengeance... all looking for release. She had to _show_ him, he had to know how she loved him, she couldn't rest until he _knew_.

Snarling, she ground down on him hard, rocking the way he loved best, moving with him buried deep inside her. She rode him, watching his every expression- these beautiful secret faces he kept behind the mask that was 'Duke Crocker'. He looked so beautiful- young and in love and unguarded, certain he was hidden in the inky dark.

She would _never_ let him hide from her again.

Mad with need, totally unplanned she brought both hands to his head, drawing him down so their foreheads touched, and then, blindly, she _pushed_.

She heard her own voice.

Then combinations of voices. Dwight, Evi, Wade, Vince, Jennifer... but mostly Audrey and Nathan.

Some phrases knocked off of each other with a discordant clang, others melted together. Shared laughter, watching a game with Nathan. Seeing Audrey fall into the water. Colorado. Fistfights, Nathan's punches- so many punches that he could have blocked but didn't; bound by love, he was still trying to make amends for that one last punch that Nathan had _felt_ \- Audrey's dismissiveness, Mara's harsh words. 'Self reliant outlaw'.

Mara touched the words and sounds. Held them. And following some inner voice, she started moving them.

Her hands flew, sending unhappy words to the far-back, to the shelves as she brought others forward. She replaced the punches with the memory of being the one to fix Nathan- being the first thing he felt. She replaced rude dismissals with needy kisses. Tears with laughter. Despair with hope. Finally, she drew up two last, special sounds- letting their baby's heartbeat play in his head and bringing the other back with her.

Her body hadn't stopped, and the moment she was back in her head she blew apart, trying to muffle her surprised scream against his neck as he came, still gloriously unmasked. She rocked gently now, trying to bring them both down.

Nathan and Duke looked shocked. "What happened, Mara?" Duke asked, breathless and awed.

She smiled against his lips, finally at peace.

" _You finally believe I care about you._ "


	28. Something is Changing Inside You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story for this chapter is Don't Cry by Guns 'N Roses

They didn't have the time for lazy, sweet cuddling. The boys dressed hurriedly in the dark as Mara slowly pulled her leggings and shoes on, still using her enhanced vision.

Duke was still wearing that open, sweet, boyish smile; though the dimple in his cheek and the tiny lines around his eyes hinted at mirthful thoughts. Probably really dirty ones, but that was pure speculation on Mara's part.

Mara picked up her tanktop. It was stiff, crusty with dried blood. She thought as she cradled it gently, like she would a child. This shirt had been the only barrier between her and William. Her shield, the butcher knife her sword as she had gone into a hopeless battle and _won_. This blood had been spilled obtaining the blood of their enemy; the blood that would save them.

"Duke, can I wear your overshirt?"

"Sure, Mara- but they'll know what we've been up to."

She rolled her eyes, forgetting he couldn't see her.

"They'll _already_ know. You and Nathan are wearing each other's pants and Nathan gave you a hickey."

Duke slapped a hand to his neck, cheeks glowing fuchsia in the discoloration of her dark-sight as Nathan smirked, looking more smug than contrite as he said, "I'm sorry Duke, must have gotten carried away."

She might have been wrong. He may be Blue head to toe; wrapped in cop rules and regulations, but he was the best liar of them all.

"Come on, let's see how they're doing."

She was fastening her bottom button as they stepped out, Duke locking the door as he slipped his public mask back on. Mara was leading and Duke bumped into her back, almost knocking her down as she froze, rooted to the spot.

" _No_." The word was barely a breath but Duke heard her, his arms secure from grabbing her.

"What's wrong, sweetheart? Mara, what is it?"

She didn't have to answer. Nathan put his hand to Duke's jaw, moving his face toward the sky.

The Maze still stood, proud and defiant as its reflection shone in the waters below. Defending Mara, defending all of Haven. Defending her home. It was majestic; beautiful and powerful, brilliant and magical.

But Mara couldn't make it _hide_.

She was trying- she'd been calm and at peace, happy and grateful even through her fear. She may have called for it, but she couldn't dismiss it.

She ran up the stairs, as if fifteen feet would somehow make it listen better. She slid to a stop on the balcony, gripping the railing. She quickly rolled the left sleeve of her borrowed shirt, though her hand protested, the sutures pulling tight.

She felt each individual spirit as they gathered around and behind her.

On her left- her Shield side, the side of Defense- Nathan stood tall and strong. He was certain and steadfast, a human with the faith, strength and nerves of a god.

On her right- her Sword side, the side of Offense- Duke kept an arm around her, lending her his strength. Always, always giving.

Then behind her: the huge, indomitable spirit like a lion, every word he uttered sounding like a low roar, more powerful and vital than the others in the back. Vince may be caged in the body of an old man, but he remained unbent and unbroken.

Next to him: The warm, sweet light of the sun. Exiled from home like her, Dave had recognized their similarity and loved her, cherished every moment he could get in any incarnation. Sweet stolen kisses and making love to Lucy on the beach, keeping her warm despite the rain that fell on their bare skin. He had continued to gaze at Audrey, Lexie and Mara with the same pure adoration, even when he had stopped hoping.

Then another large one: hulking yet quiet and introspective. Willing to risk even his humanity to protect the people around him, even when they'd never know. Not as aggressive as Vince, not looking to start a fight but perfectly willing to finish one. She saw his heart reaching toward the last shape to join them.

Smaller, this one. A bluish light shot through with bits of white stardust and swirling black shadows. Mara watched her more carefully. Most of the black shadows were old fears and angers, driven by self-loathing. If her light had been pure, she would be amazing: trustworthy, smart and loving. She would be a mother.

But she couldn't achieve that if she stayed mired in the pain and grief of the past. Mara had to forgive her to save her.

_Aw, hell_.

Mara opened her mind, reaching toward the symbol with her left hand, her wrist aflame, the mark glowing like fire made flesh. She tried communicating, telling the symbol that she was safe, that it didn't have to watch over her.

The answering voice she felt more than heard. It was like an intricate braid- the silver of Duke's Aether-eyes, the solid fire of Mara's marks, the crystal blue of Nathan's eyes and above and around the whole thing, a beautiful, heartbreaking sheen that reminded Mara of a Fire Opal.

Dear gods. Their _baby_.

_**-No, not safe. Danger coming.-** _

Mara yelled to the sky, her words and Intent in tandem. "No darling, it's our job to protect you! You have to trust us!"

_**-He tried to hurt us. He hurt them. But he couldn't hurt me and I brought you back.-** _

"I know you did, and I'm so proud of you. But we should let the Maze hide now!"

_**-We need help. You wouldn't ask so I did. I need you, Mama. I need my daddies, I'm afraid!-** _

Mara's chin hit her chest and she sobbed, no longer caring that her mother could hear her.

My gods, to think she'd once loved Charlotte that much.

"I understand, and you're right. You're right, we need help. Let it stay, but only if it's not a strain. They'll come. We'll win. We love you."

_**-Don't cry, Mama. Alec is helping me. We love you.-** _

Mara fell to her knees, sobbing.

Vince and Dwight, purely human, had only heard Mara's pleading and a strange, muffled rumbling in response. Only the OtherWorlder's and the fathers had heard the actual conversation, but everyone- everyone- was shocked; confusion and a frisson of fear ran through the group.

Nathan and Duke had their arms around her, Audrey watching the display with unmasked pride.

_'That's our baby, Mara. Protecting us already. Just like Duke and Nathan.'_

_'Just like you, too.'_

_'Smile, Mara. Look around. We can beat him.'_

Mara straightened, letting the tears shine in reflection of the symbol in the sky as she followed Audrey's command, looking around her.

There were hurts and heartache all around, anger, secrets and lies. But Mara could change it. One step at a time, like she had with Duke: replacing bad with good.

She could take the first step.

Shaking, she climbed to her feet, the burning Aether within her making her eyes glow like her wrist. She pulled herself up, standing tall. She stepped to Dave, cupping his face in a long, sweet kiss. He'd only had her for a short time, less than a year, but he had never moved on, preferring to stay single, to keep the door open for her. A whole life on hold for one woman, content to spend most of his time with her teaching her to remember just so he could earn the trusting look she gave him.

Then Vince, her strong, stalwart Guardian. He had tried, but had been unable to save her and unable to have her. Still he stayed, still he served. Marking new recruits, trying to protect her town when she could not. He was as much a prisoner to Haven as any of them, and Mara forgave his errant thoughts- he would never stand by and allow her to be hurt, not while there was breath in his body.

Mara hugged him hard, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Dwight, who had seen her at her worst, who she had tried to hurt by insulting his daughter. His own beautiful, lost angel. He returned her hug instantly, without hesitation. He had trusted her enough to let her remove his Trouble and give him a Gift. Like Jacob before him, he just needed to _protect_. Mara was honored to be someone he would extend that to.

Finally, hardest of all: Charlotte.

Mara's eyes glowed brighter, her hair flying around her though there was no breeze. The fire in and around her grew, the air around them compressed them almost painfully, even strong Dwight's shoulders drooping.

The pressure increased, sound echoing around them as mother and daughter faced off.

Charlotte looked afraid, seeing Mara as she truly was- what Aether and experience, fear and pain had made her. Mara raised one hand and Charlotte closed her eyes in anticipation of the killing blow.

Mara took a deep pull of the heavy air around her, stepped forward and touched Charlotte's face. Her mother's eyes snapped open and in a voice that echoed and reverberated like the music of the Void, Mara said, "I forgive you, Momma. Now let it go."

Her hand moving, Mara pulled, tearing the dark swirling of fear and remorse from Charlotte and flinging it out to sea with an inhuman roar.

She saw Charlotte again, all blue and sparkling, only the faintest traces of darkness swirling within her. So much better.

"I love you, Momma. I love you all."

As the fire faded and the pressure lifted, Mara's eyes rolled and the darkness took her.

* * *

 

She hadn't even opened her eyes- hell, she may not have been fully conscious- when Mara declared, "I need Aether." in a flat, emphatic voice.

Duke had obviously been ranting about something, and he immediately turned it on her, words tripping out of his mouth. "No, seriously Mara, what the hell? I swear if you pass out one more time I'm gonna-"

She blinked at him, a dopey smile on her lips. "Gonna do what?"

He hadn't been expecting that.

"I... I... god, you are _such_ a smartass. Are you okay?"

"Generally, if she's being a smartass she's okay." Nathan quipped dryly, holding her head in his lap.

She glanced around her. They had brought her into the living room, she was laying on the couch where Nathan held her head. Her eyes traveled to the bloody wall and narrowed, a vindictive sneer brushing her face. She sat up, adjusting to the position before she stood.

"Dwight, are you done recording the crime scene?"

"Yeah, yes. You want me to get crime scene cleanup in?"

"For the bedroom, yes. I need the wall for a bit."

She left them staring in confusion as she headed for the bathroom, rummaging through a drawer quickly before she came back, opening a tube of deep red lipstick.

" **Should intermitted vengeance arm again His red right hand to plague us?** "

She stared at the familiar words with an angry, venomous look. Then, purposely, she took a deep breath and smiled, moving to write below the blood.

**_'Come and get it._ **

**_xoxo, M'_ **

She concentrated on the words, broadcasting them.

"We need to leave here now. We need to all talk together. And I need Aether."

Duke groaned, beyond trying to reason with her. "Fine, let's go to the _Rouge_. You have plenty there."

"Perfect. I guess I'll come back and pick my stuff up tomorrow." Her voice was wistful, and her boys hugged her.

_'Just a place. Like the baby showed, all of Haven is home. Listen to the little Ember.'_

_'Ember?'_

_'I don't know, it's just- we seem to be made of fire. And I like it better than referring to the baby as 'it', that's all.'_

Mara was absolutely certain that Audrey would be blushing brightly.

_'Ember is perfect.'_

They let the others follow them home, enjoying a few minutes alone. Mara yawned, leaning on Duke.

"You okay, sweetheart?"

"Just tired. I wonder how visible the Maze is going to be during the day. It's not going away anytime soon."

"What was that all, really?" Nathan asked.

"Ember is scared, probably reacting to my emotions. You heard. Ember is trying to help."

"Ember?" Duke asked.

Nathan smiled. "Audrey nicknamed the baby, didn't she?"

"Give the man a Kewpie Doll." Mara smirked as they pulled up to the dock.

She wanted to jog ahead but her limbs felt heavy and cumbersome. As much as she hated it, she had to plant her feet and hold on to the Bronco.

This wasn't going to work.

"Duke?" Mara sighed.

"What?"

"Carry me?"

"Always, beautiful." He scooped her up and ran, leaping straight for the boat to make her squeal as Nathan followed, chuckling as he unlocked the door.

"So why are we having guests?" Duke asked.

"Because the baby is right. We need help, and we need to get out ahead of this."

"So what's the plan?" He asked, placing her on her feet inside. She immediately grabbed two pain pills, swallowing them with a bottle of soda for some sugar and caffeine.

"That depends on the others in large part, though the four of us don't really have a choice."

His next question was interrupted as Nathan opened the door, welcoming the others as Mara pulled one of her many pouches of Aether from a hidden safe.

Everyone sat around the room, and though she wanted to pace, Mara sat, hoping for a second (or sixth, maybe) wind. She was so damn _tired_.

"I want to thank you all. I know none of you had to come, but you did and I will never, never forget that."

She looked around at them, thinking of what do say.

"There's a kind of... quiet war going on in Haven. It's been around since William sowed his first trouble. The sides take different faces- Nathan vs. the Rev, Vince vs. Dave, the Troubled vs. the non-Troubled- but the battle remains the same. To find balance, to make ourselves one organism. To make us the same.

"Yes, it's a war, and our enemy is smart, strong and ruthless. He has always, always gotten what he wants, no matter how I fought. But I have something I didn't have before."

"What's that, Mara?" She smiled softly to see Dwight holding Charlotte's hand.

"I have you. All of you. Nathan, Duke, Dwight, Vince, Dave, Momma and Audrey. Audrey... gods, there's no way to make this not sound stupid and sappy... Audrey completes me. Makes us better than we were. She's not a drop of paint, Momma. She's an entire museum. She shows me where to put my energy, how to live, how to be better."

She smiled briefly at Nathan.

"You didn't start the war. None of you," she insisted when her mother opened her mouth. "William did. I'm very, very sorry that it has to affect you this way and I'm sorry that I'm about to ask for more."

She stared down at her sewn hand, taking a deep breath.

"I need to ask you to be Guardians."

They began to chatter, not understanding the gravity of her request, none of them.

"Stop, stop. You don't know what you're saying! Please let me explain."

She stared at the ceiling, trying to marshal her thoughts.

"I'm not talking some pissy little coffee meeting with the 'guard'. This... this is lifetime." Mara raised her head to stare at them. "More than lifetime."

"What do mean, Mara?" Vince asked, his rumbling voice making her more sleepy. She shook her head quickly, trying to rouse herself.

"We need four Guardians, one for each direction. They have to be very, very special people, hand chosen. More than that," she looked at Dwight, Vince, Dave and finally Nathan, "They have to be like me. Quasi-immortal, unaging. It means you don't just get to age and die. Haven becomes almost as much your responsibility as mine. It's a very, very serious calling. Being like me, rarely changing- you see people you care about come and go, growing old while you never do.

"Dwight, Vince, Dave and Nathan I ask you- will you consider it?"

"What about me, Mara?" Duke looked sad, like he was hurt to be left out.

"Oh Duke, I haven't known what to say to you. I wasn't even sure I was _right_ before, but you... you aren't like the others."

"I want to thank you for the compliment, of course, but what do you mean?"

Mara drug herself up, sliding to her knees in front of Duke. She whispered to him. "I love you, you know that? But like you said earlier, I think we need more than words here. Please trust me."

Exhausted, she manifested the Maze on her wrist, calling to the Aether inside her. She was overtired, dizzy and dehydrated. She could feel her body trying to recover from the blood loss, but she had no reserves to draw on. Only her Intent held her now, like so many times before.

She placed her palms against his temples, kissing him, exhaling her Intent as she _pushed_. A stray breeze blew through the room and Duke jerked, his eyes glowing cold silver to her flaming red. They watched as the grey melted from his temples, his face growing younger as years and fatigue peeled back, leaving him looking almost exactly as he had the day Audrey had entered his life.

Mara rocked back, trying to ignore the spinning of the room, holding herself up and refusing to fall. She stared into his eyes, trying to make her eyes follow his. "Do you feel?" Mara breathed.

"Nate! Get water, three bottles, now. Doc, get your bag. You got an I.V. kit in there? We need 3 units D5W or lactated ringer's." They were shocked but jumped to follow his orders.

"Doc, she's got severe dehydration and hypovolemic shock." Duke had already taken the kit from Charlotte, quickly inserting the I.V. himself, expertly handling the medical equipment. "Seriously, Mara! What the everloving fuck were you _thinking_? You should have said something!"

She smiled lazily. "Hot when you're bossy. You're not the god of me."

"You amazing, brave, beautiful, brilliant, idiot. You need to take a break when things get that bad. You're strong, but you can still get sick."

"What's going on, Duke?" Nathan begged, stroking Mara's hair.

Duke finished injecting another vial into the I.V. under Charlotte's careful watch. "She hasn't eaten or had anything to drink since who the hell knows when, and she suffered massive blood loss. She insisted on pushing through."

"Sounds like Mara, but what about you? When did you become a doctor?"

"I dunno what happened, Nate, but everything feels different. I just... understood. I knew what to do."

"You look 5 years younger, Duke."

Duke shot Nathan a weird look. "Come again?"

Nathan stood and returned with a hand mirror, showing Duke.

His mouth opened and closed in shock as he ran his fingers through the long black hair, poking the skin of his face in rapt fascination.

Mara giggled from the floor, still somnolent. "Prettier than ever."

Duke stood. "Guys, we'll need to revisit this in awhile. Mara absolutely has to rest. I'll call you when she's allowed to play again."

"Not the god of me." She sang from the floor.

Duke shook his head, letting everyone stop to speak to Mara on the way out. Vince kissed her head gently, promising to come the second she called. Dave tried to kiss her cheek, but she rolled her head so his lips landed on hers and he blushed. "You know I'll say yes, no matter what."

Next Dwight, still holding Charlotte's hand as he kissed her head. Then Charlotte, pausing to stroke Mara's face. "Thank you, Dove," she said, tears in her eyes.

"You need happy too, Momma. You met your grandchild."

"You'll have your hands full. Can I see you tomorrow?"

"Yes, work to do."

"Mara." Duke said her name in that dour, warning voice that made her giggle.

Nathan scooped her up, carefully carrying her to the bed while Duke carried the line and bags. They settled her in the bed, stripping her down to Duke's button-up. She tried to stay awake, to watch them come to bed, but the lethargy won, forcing her to sleep.


	29. You've Got to Lose to Know How to Win

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not mine, but I'm considering trading my kids for it. It'd be easier to get Duke to clean his room.
> 
> Song for this chapter is Dream On by Aerosmith (But I accept the Neil Patrick Harris version as well.)

It was hot. Dreadfully, painfully hot. Steam everywhere, the oven glowing red. She was sweating, but it was beginning to calm, beginning to cool as Duke _listened_ to her, bringing himself under control.

Mara could have run. Maybe should have run. Some stupid, pathetic, needy part of her made her stay. She wasn't even sure why. He didn't care about her. He kept Mara chained like a pet because he'd wanted the reminder of _her_. Not that Mara wanted him to care.

They kissed, stripping each other. She, _Mara_ , had only had sex once, but Duke made Mara feel beautiful, the way he looked at her and touched her, his hands a strange mix of soft and rough. His fingers were soft, yet work-worn. He was beautiful and strange, nothing like the other humans she knew and he wanted her. He knew what she was and was still touching her. Not that she needed his approval. Not that she _cared_.

They had moved, Duke carrying her to lay her out on the floor. Sweating, burning inside she reached out to touch him, to wrap her arms around his neck. An old, half-forgotten feeling stirred within her, familiar though she couldn't remember its name. She stroked his hair, pulling against him, aching for him and he grabbed her wrists, pressing them to the floor where her hands curled into fists.

"It's okay, Duke." He freed one of her hands, she wrapped it around his neck.

He froze, eyes narrowing at her as his expression became a snarl. "It's okay? _Okay_? I don't want you! I want _Audrey_!"

Duke decked her, making her ear ring, his hands moving to wrap around her throat as she scrambled and scratched, trying to free herself as he choked her.

"Do you hear me?" Duke shook her by the throat, her head cracking against the floor as he took her, stealing what she'd been willing to give him.

She scratched at his hands, trying for air. She was honestly, truly _afraid_. Afraid like she'd been once before...

She closed her eyes, opening her mind.

"You're not Audrey, you'll never be Audrey- _I don't want you, Mara_ , I only want Audrey, so tell me, how is anything okay, you evil, poisonous whore?!"

His body was hurting hers, hurting her badly, but Mara smiled up at him. He looked momentarily uncertain and she knew, knew without doubt. With her last bit of air, she whispered, " _You can't fake Duke, William_."

She closed her eyes, blocking the pain, the fear, the need for air. She remembered a song Duke had played for her during a yoga class, Silent Lucidity. The song explained the concept of Lucid Dreaming, one verse even giving rudimentary instructions.

Rudimentary was enough. She replayed the verse in her head, concentrating. Lucid. She was in control here, not him.

" _Visualize your dream_

_Record it in the present tense_

_Put it into a permanent form_

_If you persist in your efforts_

_You can achieve dream control_

_Dream control_ "

She opened her eyes. She was freshly showered, damp hair still occasionally dripping onto her blue shirt as she adjusted her sleeves, pulling them far down to cover her wrists and hands to her fingers. Her eyes were heavily lined with black makeup and she had a smirk on her face.

She looked like the old Mara; fear and anger masked with bravado and indifference. _William's_ Mara.

She examined her fingernails, leaning a hip against the counter. She was going to make Duke and Nathan start doing crosswords in bed, she decided. And more cuddling. Definitely more cuddling. They worked too hard.

"Alright, I give. How'd you know it was me?" William finally asked, sounding almost impressed, still mirthful.

Mara smiled slightly, looking at him like an insect. Like he bored her.

"Duke's a better lay."

She was deliberately coarse, purposely provoking William without being obvious.

"Funny! But you know what I think?" He was using his 'trustworthy buddy' voice, his hands in his pockets.

"I wasn't aware you _did_ think, honestly." She yawned.

William smiled, though his fist clenched at his side and a muscle in his temple twitched. "I think you know how they feel, and are just sticking around because you're afraid. I mean, I understand- being unloved, unwanted, like some poisonous, diseased lesion they can't figure out how to remove- that's gotta hurt. It's easier to just pretend that they love you so you'll be a docile little bitch and they keep Parker. It's a sweet gig, until the day they figure out how to get rid of you."

"I saw your message, William. Still spewing Milton? I always preferred Dante."

"I saw your message, too. But then, you wanted me to."

"You've gotten good at dreamwalking. I never could get a handle on that."

"Looks as though you've picked up at least _one_ trick." He frowned that she'd ruined his fun.

"Well, you know how it is. Some people are just more _gifted_ than others."

She walked around as his eyes followed her hungrily. She was quiet, knowing he would have to speak soon, to fill the empty silences that made her screams reverberate in his head.

"I haven't seen you on the news yet."

She remained silent; he hadn't asked a question.

" _Why_ haven't I seen you on the news yet? 'Cop and miscreant boytoy found dead, bastard halfbreed killed in utero.' You gotta admit, that's a headline that people would _kill_ for. Oops, I did it again! What is appropriate grieving time for pets now?"

He didn't know yet! Dear Gods, what an unexpected boon!

She let her face crumple, forcing a tear for good measure before pointedly turning away. She touched her belly- it appeared flat, but Mara could feel the mirage, feel Ember hiding. Such a smart, smart baby.

"Oh, come on, Mara. It wasn't even pure. What would you do with a baby anyway? I wouldn't trust you with a goldfish. Besides, you look so much better- not all fat and stretched by some half-savage bastard."

"I like quotations too, William. Do you want to hear one of my favorites?" She didn't look at him, letting the Maze flare under her sleeve, hiding the light against her body.

"Sure, why not?"

She spoke softly, a musical lilt to the words, and her fingers moved like she was playing an invisible piano.

_"Blood and destruction shall be so in use_

_And dreadful objects so familiar_

_That mothers shall but smile when they behold_

_Their infants quarter'd with the hands of war;_

_All pity choked with custom of fell deeds:_

_And Caesar's spirit, ranging for revenge,_

_With Ate by his side come hot from hell,_

_Shall in these confines with a monarch's voice_

_Cry 'Havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war."_

As she closed her mouth, she let go, and suddenly the room was filled with the snarling of angry dogs, all descending upon William with a crash. She listened to him scream as the dogs bit and tore, and in his blind panic and pain he forgot he could just stop everything.

Mara smiled, satisfied. As she forced herself awake, she murmured, "More than one trick. Sweet Dreams, William."

* * *

Her eyes opened slowly. The room was dark, curtains pulled tight. Duke lay next to her, staring at the ceiling in rapt fascination. She felt Nathan pressed to her other side, his leg over hers.

She moved her eyes slowly, searching for what was fascinating Duke.

Stars twinkled against his bedroom ceiling, and she could see a miniature solar system rotating near one corner. "Wow. S'beautiful." Her mouth felt dry, her words a slurred, sluggish mumble.

"I don't know how it started or how to stop."

"Can teach you."

"How?"

"Water?" She begged.

He grabbed the bottle, propping her up and bringing it to her lips where she drank greedily. When she pulled back, he replaced the bottle, moving his arm so she could cuddle with her head on his chest, gazing at him with one leg still pinned under Nathan.

"Don't remember this, Duke?"

"I really don't."

She didn't have to strain, she barely had to push to find it.

"Before his mom died, Nathan's bedroom had glow stars on the ceiling and a model of the solar system hanging. You used to sneak-"

"-out and stay at Nate's. When my dad drank. I'd forgotten."

"Not completely."

"Why now?"

"You're scared and feeling vulnerable. Trying to make you feel safe."

"I'm not scared."

"Don't lie. Of course you're scared. You don't know what's going on. Maybe you're even mad at me."

"What? For what?"

"For not explaining. Didn't mean to leave you hanging."

He chuckled, turning the side lamp on low to check the I.V. "Time for the next bag."

"I don't need that. 'M fine."

"Don't lie," he retorted, "You're sick, you pushed yourself too hard so now you're going to be a good patient and not complain."

"Yes, Duke." Mara whispered as she watch him effortlessly swap the empty bag of fluids for a full one. She found, oddly, that she liked obeying their requests. Giving made her feel good.

They turned the light off and cuddled back up. Mara needed her words now.

"I'm sorry for scaring you. I thought I'd be more coherent. I don't even know how to word this without making you think I'm crazy."

"I know you're not crazy, I've had my eyes open. We live in a world of magic, where the rules of men just don't apply."

"Yes, exactly. Sometimes, either because of a unique genetic combination or happenstance or who knows why, new gods are born. There are some recognized religions that believe this. It doesn't happen often. But that's what you are, Duke. All the clashing magical energy, the sheer concentration of Troubles you were born with- something made you evolve. Ascend. You're a young god, Duke. A godling."

"Bullshit. I am no higher power."

"Why would I lie?"

Duke shrugged into the darkness.

She sighed. She was tired and she ached terribly from every muscle and joint. Her muscles kept randomly cramping from the dehydration. She wanted a massage, but more than that she wanted him to trust her. They had come so far, she'd actually been surprised and hurt when he'd said her explanation was ' _Bullshit_ '.

"You once told Audrey that you would believe in her and in what she told you. I'll have _Audrey_ explain. Give us a minute."

Holding her breath to try and keep silent, Mara pulled her leg free from Nathan, pushing herself up and over his sleeping body, grabbing the I.V. bag as she went; all before Duke could even try to stop her.

She hobbled to the bathroom, trying to mask her pain. She hung the I.V. bag from a towel rack, emptying her bladder as tears rolled down her cheeks. It was the hormones, certainly. It had to be. A curt dismissal, the idea that he would believe Audrey above her; these weren't tear-worthy. She didn't have the _right_ to feel hurt. Hormones were the safest excuse.

She looked in her prescription bottle- she'd have to fill the new one tomorrow. She took an extra.

_'You need to explain to Duke. He doesn't... believe me.'_

_'No, Mara he's just scared.'_

_'Symptom of a larger problem. Doesn't matter, you're awake, you can explain.'_

She ran a washcloth under the hot water, very gently trying to clean the blood from her arm. What she really wanted was a shower. To scrub the touch of William from her skin.

She yanked the water on, maneuvering carefully to pull the shirt off over the bag of fluid. Then she hung the I.V. on the shower curtain rod, stepping into the hot spray, making a token effort to keep her hand and arm out of the water.

' _Mara..._ ' Audrey began as Mara washed their hair.

_'Yup.'_

_'You're letting him get into your head again.'_

_'No, I'm not. This is big news, Duke has to really trust.'_

She thought of William's game. About Duke's hands around her throat, hitting her head against the ground as he screamed that he only wanted Audrey. She was loathe to admit it, but it had hurt. And part of her still believed William was right; that it was a sweet gig, but only until they could get rid of her.

Audrey was trying to talk her down, but the black thoughts muffled her, drowning out everything but the thought that she would never, could never make up for the things she had done.

She scrubbed herself raw, washing her mouth as she brushed, letting the water loosen the dried blood, washing herself thoroughly.

She hadn't brought in clothes but wrapped herself in a towel, trying to dry her hair without hurting her hand. She was still soaked, wrapped in a towel staring at her reflection in revulsion when Duke came in.

"I was waiting but I got worried. What's going on? Why are you staring at yourself like that?"

Her face was twisted in disgust and she wished someone would hit her, split her lip some other way.

She could see the shape of teeth in the torn skin. It would scar, and she'd be stuck with William's bite on her lip forever. The thought made her nauseous and she gagged, dropping to her knees by the toilet and losing the water she'd drunk. At least there'd been enough time for the pills to kick in.

Her body revolted; by the time she'd stopped, her face was covered with tiny red dots- burst blood vessels. The cut on her lip had torn open and blood dripped down her chin. She raced to stem the flow with tissues. Duke had stayed to hold her hair, and she avoided his eyes.

"Let me get dressed."

She rinsed, spitting blood from her mouth and folding a fresh tissue against the tear. Keeping herself covered with the towel, she found one last pair of pajamas in her duffle bag. She eased into the soft cotton pants and slid the tank top over the I.V. bag, following the line until it was on her body, just wishing she was more covered. A sweater or a hoodie; something she could hide in.

"What's going on, Mara? Why are you upset?"

"What makes you think I'm upset, Duke?" Her voice was weary.

"You always get really quiet, like you're talking to yourself, and you cover yourself up. When you're okay you don't mind being naked."

Mara sighed. He really paid very close attention.

She didn't want to just lie, but she didn't want to seem helpless or needy.

"His teeth marks are cut into my lip."

"Mara, I want to look at you. Come here."

She turned, standing before him with her eyes downcast.

"It looks like you accidentally fixed that, sweetheart. Your lip split more while you were throwing up."

She spun for the mirror, having to grab the counter for support. It was true, the tear had extended, obliterating the awful marks. She wondered how William was getting on with his own bite problem.

Mara stared at herself in the mirror, squaring her shoulders.

No. No, William couldn't win this. Not through _her_ , not anymore.

She wheeled on Duke, stomping forward with her eyes glaring and finger pointing. "You and I need to talk. You pick where." She grabbed her I.V. bag. "Now lead."

Eyeing her curiously, he asked, "Can you handle the living room, or do you need to lie down?"

She edged around him, marching for the living room and sitting on one end of the couch so she could face him.

"I was going to have Audrey explain, and then I realized, I shouldn't have to! I've _earned_ your trust. I'll say whatever I have to and you're going to listen!

"I trust you more than anything in the universe. Anything! You wouldn't even believe where I've been tonight- but you had better listen to this, because Audrey's damn smart, but this is _my_ area. Mine!

"I'm not lying or exaggerating. You're a godling, Duke. You're special, you're an unknown quantity! You're the thing he can't predict, and because you're like _me_ , you'll _listen_ while _I_ explain!"

Her fury was flagging, the somnolence wrapping around her bones as her aching body protested each tiny movement. Still glaring, she tried to look strong as she sat back, her bones trying to melt inside her.

She really had to get some real rest. Eventually. But not until he listened.

"I didn't ask you to be a Guardian because you're already like me! The others, Dwight, Vince, Dave and Nathan; they need to be changed or they're going to _die!_ Not all at once, but they will age and die, leaving us alone to protect this place! I can't think of more perfect Guardians, but if it's going to work you have to stand with me, Duke! You need to step up and take your place, and if you're afraid of being stuck with me forever, guess what? Too late!" Her head lolled back and she jerked up again.

"Uh... what was I saying?"

Duke pursed his lips, trying not to laugh. "Too late?"

Mara rolled her head back upright, blinking wildly. "Yes, too late! Tha's right, Crocker, too late, you didn't wanna get stuck with me, you shouldn't have got me pregnant! Or let me go when I offered to!"

"Yeah, well it's not the 'getting stuck with you' part that I'm having a problem with, Mara, it's the whole 'god responsibilities' part. I never wanted any part in all the Haven madness, I certainly didn't ask to be put in charge of them!"

Her eyes rolled and wheeled blindly, not even trying to follow him. "Neither did I! That's why you don't see the job in the want ads. We don't choose, we're born. Born different. Special. They need us. Hush, come here." Mara commanded him and he slid up against her, close enough to touch.

"Gods, it's a good thing you're worth it." Her eyes still moved wildly, unable to focus.

"I need help, Duke."

"Your I.V. still has awhile to go, what can I get for you?"

"Too weak. Need energy."

"Can you eat?"

Mara groaned in frustration, reaching blindly in his direction, pulling at his waistband.

"Oh! Oh, you mean you need... right. Well yeah, okay. I'm your guy."

"Shh." She lay back, drawing him down with her, tugging at his clothes. She managed to pull his shirt off before she gave up, muttering wordlessly.

He pulled his clothes off before going to work on Mara, undoing all the hard work she'd put in to dressing herself, but she didn't seem to care. Her eyes continued their mad whirling, her gaze blank as she reached for him. He settled between her thighs, rubbing teasingly against her, but Mara was too weak to do anything but moan.

"Please." Mara finally managed.

He shifted until he was pressing into her. Yes.

This is why the illusion hadn't worked on her. She knew her mind, knew the feeling her dream-self had been trying to name. When Mara had touched him she'd felt _love_. Love and unwavering faith, the absolute knowledge that he would never, could never hurt her. She knew the feel of him inside her and her body recognized his, craved him.

She would know Duke anywhere.

She brought her arms and legs up to hold him, and suddenly everything was frantic movement, his body responding to her need. He was panting, moaning in her ear as he moved and she opened herself, taking the strength he was so willing to share, moving back to meet him, her tongue licking at his throat.

She heard him, that groan that only came out when he was so, so close. It tightened her muscles and her eyes rolled back, squeezing him inside her. With a grunt and a long sigh Duke came with her, filling her back up.

Mara took a few minutes to catch her breath. "Thank you. I was too ill, I'm better now."

Duke chuckled, pulling her against him and kissing her face. They lay naked on his couch as they cuddled.

"I want us to do crosswords in bed." She whispered.

"Do you remember everything people say to you?"

"No. Only important people."

"You feeling okay? I'm considering pushing another bag of fluids."

She glanced at him with a smile. "If you don't remove this drip, I'm going to remove it myself."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Wanna bet? Besides, if you take it out, I'll tell you a story."

"How can I refuse an offer like that?"


	30. Would You Offer Your Throat to the Wolf with the Red Roses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement intended!
> 
> Song for this chapter is 'You Took the Words Right Out Of My Mouth' by MeatLoaf.

Duke had removed the offending I.V, putting a Garfield band-aid over the spot. It kept making her smile. They retired to the bed, where Mara knelt to press her lips to Nathan's, kissing him awake.

He was always hard to wake, but tonight he was especially difficult, and Mara kissed him insistently, one hand on the back of his neck.

She squealed when he grabbed her, rolling her over his body and into the bed, holding her tight against him as he kissed her breathless.

Eh. The talk could wait.

She wrapped her legs up around him, just thin pajamas between them. Her pelvis was rocking, and she felt oddly brave, pressed out of control and having taken maybe a _tiny_ bit too much energy from Duke, she didn't hesitate to talk to Nathan. She slipped in and out of Sarah's voice as she spoke, words coming fast between frantic kisses.

"Oh gods, Nathan, you have no _idea_ how good it feels when you touch me. When I was pregnant with James, every night I went to bed aching for your touch. I was burning for you every second. I knew I couldn't get you back, but I never let another man touch me. Please touch me, Nathan?"

She wasn't sure what had prompted her forwardness, but Nathan looked more than turned on- he looked like he was already inside her, just planning how best to make her scream. The look alone made her muscles clench. With a low groan, he pressed her harder into the bed, one of his legs moving between hers.

Nathan pulled her arms up over her head, holding both wrists gently in one hand as he stroked down her arm, ribcage, the side of her breast. She kissed him voraciously, so caught up in the feeling and the memory of such acute frustration that all her shyness and doubt melted away.

"Nathan, please undress me. Please, _please_."

She felt Nathan and Duke undressing her together. Nathan continued to kiss her as Duke removed everything below her waist, Nathan pulling off her tank and squeezing her breast as he moved. A combination of hormones and excess energy made her brave- vocal and brazen.

"I can feel Duke inside me, Nathan. I want to feel you, too. I want to hear you say my name again. Can you give me that, Nathan?"

"Yes, Mara. Yes."

"Make love to me. Please, make me feel you. Hard."

Nathan moved one of her legs from his hip to his shoulder, pressing it back as he pushed into Mara. The feeling was different than what she'd experienced before and she cried out.

"Mara, I love to hear you like that." Nathan's words were low, guttural. Mara heard an intake of breath, the whisper of skin, and she could imagine Duke touching himself. That didn't seem right.

"Duke, come where I can touch you." Mara was begging with naked want. She heard shifting movement, and he was next to her. Nathan was rocking into her slow but so deep, and she was sweating, shaking from need as she reached for Duke, wrapping her hand around him and pumping him in time with Nathan's thrusts.

"Oh gods, harder. Make up for the nights alone. Please Nathan, harder!"

Even the gentlest soul had to let loose sometimes, and something in her had finally reached that locked place inside him. With a desperate groan he let go, pounding into her as she begged for more, screaming as she pumped Duke, feeling their sounds inside her.

"I'm yours, please, tell me you want me. Please." Mara gasped the words.

"I want you, I want you all so much I can't-" his breath caught, body tight with strain.

Mara threw her head back, bringing Duke to a climax, squeezing Nathan as hard as she could, wanting to curl up and make love to just that _sound_. The sounds of them loving her, of her making them feel good.

Nathan shouted a hoarse cry as he came deep inside her. She kissed him seriously, almost desperately. "I have a lot to tell you both, but I want you to know- I love you and the way you touch me. I never thought I'd have that, and I love you for it."

She caught her breath. "Let's clean up a bit. Then I'll tell you what I've been doing."

* * *

 

"William doesn't know you're alive!" Mara started when they settled back into bed.

"How do you know?" Duke asked curiously.

"He came to me."

"What? God, are you hurt? I thought he couldn't do that anymore!" Duke was examining her carefully and she laughed.

"No, I'm not hurt. You severed the bond, he can't physically hurt me without touching me now. But he could dream-walk before the Aether. It's not a very rare ability among our people. He came to my dream to hurt me, but he let it slip that he thinks you're all dead."

"Hurt you how, Mara?" Duke asked, his voice low.

"I... it doesn't matter, does it? I mean, it's William. You know how he is." She tried to evade, uncomfortable.

"Mara. Tell me."

She sighed.

"You remember the boathouse?"

"Of course."

"He started that memory, wearing your face. Except this time you attacked me. Hurt me. Said some unpleasant things."

"Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry." Duke hugged her close.

"It's okay. It wasn't you. I figured it out because I knew you'd never hurt me that way, and I remembered the song you played me. I took over the dream!"

She explained the details, ending the story with a happy sigh. "He panicked, forgot how to end it. For all I know, he's still in there."

"That... is so badass. Damn, Mara." Duke sounded so admiring, it made her giggle.

"Aside from curiosity, I think he's trying to disrupt my sleep to make me weak. I'm going to be prepared next time. But I had an idea, a way to add some protection, if you guys will let me- aside from the Guardian issue that we still need to discuss."

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to Gift the boat, Duke."

"Is this a joke?"

"No, I mean it. It's not really a Gift, but I can attach Aether to her steel in almost the same way I would a person. We could lock it down, so he can't feel us inside. Oh! But... we should talk."

"About what?"

"Moving in. That's a big step and you didn't seem inclined before. I don't want you to feel obligated."

"Why would you think I was disinclined?" Duke sounded surprised.

"Because you didn't say you wanted to, for one. Plus you're still getting used to us, what happens if we drive you nuts and the only place we can go is the station? Gods, neither Audrey nor I have ever lived with someone before."

"There's a flaw in your logic, beautiful." Duke leaned up on an elbow, kissing her as he took Nathan's hand.

"What's that?"

"You're assuming that I'm _willing_ to let you out of my sight. No. You, Nate, this baby- I want you where I can be with you. One family in one home. It's not obligation, Mara. I _want_ you here. I don't want to live without you. Come on, sweetheart. Say yes." Duke nuzzled her jaw, giving her goosebumps.

"Are you sure?"

"Completely sure."

"Okay. I need to get more clothes today anyway. But if you change your mind, please just say so."

Duke grinned, kissing her insistently. "Say it, Mara."

"Say what?" Mara mumbled around his lips.

"That you'll move in."

She chuckled a little. "Yes, Duke. I will move in with you."

He gave her a Cheshire grin, reaching to pinch Nathan. "Your turn, Nate."

"I'm already here all the time." Nathan said.

"It doesn't count unless you say it."

"You want me to sell my house?"

Duke rolled his eyes. "I'm not saying that, Detective Dramatic. I want you to admit that you live with me and our girls and baby."

Nathan's voice turned soft and sweet. "I live with Duke, Audrey, Mara and baby Ember."

Duke's answering smile was brilliant. "There, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

* * *

 

They dozed for a few hours, and Duke made them breakfast. As she ate, Mara planned.

"I can attach the Aether to the actual metal of the Rouge. It will be able to follow directions just like it does normally- hiding us, locking in or out. The boat will know us. It will have to be taught how to handle visitors vs. intruders, but it will work. If you're uncomfortable though, it's fine to say no."

"I'm good with anything that protects us. Just make it extra strong around our bedroom and the nursery."

She smiled as Audrey squealed inside. "We get to make a nursery?"

"Of course. The baby needs a room."

"Which one?"

He smiled at her attempt to conceal her excitement. "The 'office'. It's close enough to the bedroom but not so close we'll wake a baby. Well... we may have to get a ball gag for Nate for the really fun nights."

Nathan blushed scarlet, making Mara and Audrey way more curious. Audrey stared at him, her head tilted. "How many times, Nathan?"

"How many what? And good morning, Audrey." He leaned over to kiss her. He tasted like coffee and cinnamon, she didn't want to let go- but she knew he was trying to distract her.

"Good morning yourself, Nathan. But back to the original question."

He kissed her again, wrapping his long fingers in her hair. "I don't remember the question."

Audrey kissed him harder for a minute before she backed up, one hand on his chest. "Don't start something you can't finish. How many times did you use the ball-gag?"

"Who says I can't finish?" He traced the neckline of her shirt, dipping teasing fingers underneath.

"The big Maze in the sky. We have work to do today. Are you going to answer me or should I ask Duke?" She smiled at Duke.

"Fine, Audrey. Once. I didn't like it."

"Do you like being tied up?"

"I don't know, Audrey, it was a short phase. I haven't tried it since." Nathan was blushing and looked uncomfortable. Shy.

Audrey stood, moving to straddle Nathan on his chair. She wrapped her arms around his neck, running her lips along his face as she spoke.

"Well, I'd like to tie you up. I'd tie you up and touch you until you couldn't take it anymore. Then I'd untie you and you would make love to me up against the wall. Or maybe you can tie me up. So many possibilities..."

Even Duke's breath hitched as both men stared. Audrey kissed Nathan, rocking in his lap.

Mara hadn't lied. The hormones kept her in a constant state of arousal, and it kicked into overdrive at the slightest provocation. Audrey had just wanted to surprise him- catch him off guard so she could banish the shy, embarrassed look from his face.

Now she was on fire.

She pressed her forehead against Nathan's, trying to catch her breath. "Sorry. I got a little caught up in the moment. I don't mean to be a tease. But don't be embarrassed. Please, never with me. That goes for both of you. We love you, we want to try everything with you."

"Are you _positive_ we have to work today?" Duke's voice was gruff, guttural.

They both wanted to say no, but they couldn't.

* * *

 

Audrey called Dwight as they drove to her apartment to get her few possessions.

"Hendrickson."

"Morning Dwight, it's Audrey."

"Are you okay? Is Mara? You guys looked pretty rough when we left."

"We're much better. We got a little over-tired, that's all." Duke grumbled something out the window.

"Anyway, I'm calling to see if we can get some kind of meeting. The Maze isn't under our control, and with William active, it's time to circle the wagons. I need you and the Teague's so we can finish our discussion, after that, as many volunteers who want to guard- we need an _army_. Preferably a Gifted army, but I won't turn down help."

"Sure. Why don't we meet up around 4. I'll try to get everyone here around 7, if that works for you. Is that enough time?"

"Sounds good- hey, did you have the clean-up crew out to my place already?" They had just pulled up, and Audrey stared up at her apartment through the windshield.

"I put in the work order, but they said it would be at least 48 hours to get to you, I'm sorry. You want me to call again?"

"No. I'll call you back." Her words were terse, anxious as she hung up.

_'I feel it too, Audrey. But there's nobody in there now.'_

_'It's recent though, right?'_

_'Yes. Can I drive for awhile? It's easier to feel directly.'_

_'Yeah, go ahead. Just be careful.'_

"Guys? Can you do me a favor?"

"What's wrong, Parker?"

"Mara. I need to see something. Just get your guns out and stay with me, okay?"

She slid out, holding Audrey's gun as she climbed the stairs. So far everything looked as it had when they'd left, but Mara could feel it- the place was _crawling_ with William's touch.

She knew he was gone, but they cleared the main rooms anyway. Nothing.

_'Maybe he just came to read my message in person.'_

_'Maybe. Let's get our stuff and get out of here. This place gives me the creeps.'_

Most of Audrey's things fit into an old steamer-trunk she'd been dragging from place to place for years, and it only took a few minutes to pack up the pictures, books and collectibles. Nathan was putting it by the door as Mara went for the closet.

She opened the door and stared.

All their clothes, every single item, had been shredded. She poked around with her toe, seeing if anything was salvageable when the unmistakable reek of urine hit her.

Audrey stared in shock, Mara in deep thought.

_'Well, this will have to be one of your insanely optimistic silver lining stories.'_

_'How?'_ Audrey responded, aghast.

_'This is a tantrum. Because he lost last night. Think about it. He's targeting Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs- shelter, clothing, sleep- he's getting desperate and sloppy. And I'm guessing by the size of the tantrum that he was in with those dogs for hours. He tried to make me fear Duke, but he lost.'_

_'Yeah. Okay.'_

_'We'll replace everything. And he won't be able to set foot on the Rouge when I'm done.'_

They heard footsteps approaching and ran to intercept the men at the curtain.

"Okay, we can go. Looks like we've got it all." Shit, she was talking too fast. Duke narrowed his eyes at her.

"We still need to get your clothes, your duffle bag is almost empty." Nathan said in his even, reasonable voice.

"Actually, all my clothes are already on the Rouge."

Duke was glowering as he moved past her to the closet. Mara sighed, dropping her chin to her chest as Nathan followed him.

She _wasn't_ going to cry. She wasn't. Not about clothes. Or sleep. Or losing her apartment.

Nathan made a shocked sound and Duke went very, very still.

"Do you have any idea when he did this?" Duke asked.

"After the dogs. This is a retaliation move. So.... between 5-9 this morning, I'm guessing."

"Call Dwight and tell him."

Mara pulled the phone out, dialing.

"Everything okay, Audrey?"

"Mara this time, Hi. William was at the apartment again. Duke thought we should let you know."

"Did he hurt someone?"

"No, just wrecked my clothes. Temper tantrum. Still, Duke thought you should know."

"I'll take care of it. Just- don't stay there again, please."

"Yeah, way ahead of you. See you later."

Mara slid the phone into her pocket. She took several deep breaths, but her eyes kept darting to the ruined clothes. Her favorite blue shirt- the one she'd worn in the dream- was visible, and for some reason, that single shirt really, really pissed her off.

In the shocked silence of the room, her whispered words were deafening.

"I'm going to kill him."


	31. We'll Fight the Powers That Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is 'We're Not Gonna Take It' by Twisted Sister.

They brought Audrey's things to the _Rouge_ , but when Mara tried coming onto the deck, Duke blocked her.

She stared up at him, confused. "Uh- permission to come aboard?"

Duke shook his head, grinning. "You officially live with me as of today, right?"

"Well, that's what we agreed on, right? If you've changed your mind it's okay, I won't freak out."

"Not a chance. But that makes this one my job." Duke picked her up, carrying her onboard while Nathan wheeled the trunk.

Mara was laughing. "I don't think that's actually protocol for moving in."

"I'm the captain here, I make the rules, wench."

"Wench? Why, you scurvy dog, I'll have your guts for garters!"

"Oh, you make a good pirate."

"Glad you approve. Now put me down, I have work to do."

It was raining- a normal storm for a change- and Mara stretched as she gathered a large pouch of Aether.

"Okay. Duke, Nathan- I need your help with this. Duke, you know this boat better than I do, so I need you to open up to me so I don't miss anything. The goal is to make every door, window- every inch of this boat permeated with Aether. Since William can't use Aether anymore, we can make it so he can't touch it. He won't be able to sense through it either, so he won't know if we're even here."

"What do you want me to do, Mara?"

She took Nathan's hands, very serious.

"Nathan, I need you to keep me grounded. Aether is addictive, and if I start getting lost I need you to focus me, no matter what. If you have to hurt me, do it."

"I _can't_ hurt you, Mara."

She stopped short at his words, staring at him.

He meant it. Nathan couldn't hurt her. How very far they'd come. All that hate and fear turned on it's head, surrounding them with love and trust.

"Find a way to keep me with you, Nathan. Whatever you have to do. If I get lost, I could stay lost. But while we're working, don't unlock the door for anybody. I know we can trust you."

Mara settled on the floor, kneeling with the pouch of Aether. She pulled Duke down so they faced each other, Nathan pressed tight against her left, his hand on her back.

_'Audrey, pay attention. You need to know how to handle the Aether.'_

Focusing, Mara took two orbs from the pouch. She honed her intent, thinking of all the ways they needed protection. That only people they marked could touch, that this place, this one place, was safe. That William couldn't touch it. She crushed the orbs, pressing her blackened hands to the floor.

Her eyes snapped open, a low moan on her lips. Her eyes glowed softly and she panted, resting her forehead against Duke's. "This will take more than I thought. I'm sorry."

Mara gently, insistently pressed Duke's mind open, letting it lead her. She took more Aether in hand, shivering. She pressed her hands to the floor again, momentarily dazed with euphoria. Her vision was blurred, she followed Duke's mind around the boat.

Over and over, two at a time, Mara spliced the Aether to the ship. Floors, walls, doors- even the furniture. It took far, far more than she'd anticipated and she began to worry. Processing so much at once- she could only guess what could happen....

"Mara, focus. Stay with me." Nathan was pleading in her ear, voice hoarse as though he'd been trying to get her attention.

"I'm trying. Gods, so much. I can't..." Mara pressed blackened hands against the floor again, shaking like she was going to come apart.

"Nathan!" Her back arched, he could see the faint sparkle of Aether as it passed between Mara and Duke.

"What can I do, Mara? Please, anything, just tell me."

"It's too big, Nathan. I don't know..." she pressed more fresh Aether through the boat, "what it will do to me. I'm overloading."

Her eyes rolled back and he wrapped his arms around her, supporting her. Duke's eyes were silver and they darted back and forth like he was dreaming. He didn't seem to be at all aware.

"What's wrong with Duke?" Nathan asked urgently.

"Nothing wrong. He's- out. In the ship, directing the coverage to spots I missed." She groaned, picking out two more orbs.

"I have to finish it."

She never stopped, barely paused long enough to breathe. She was pushing, trying to make sure the job was done right. She was shaking apart and didn't seem to notice.

"Mara! Answer me, please! Mara, come on, stay with me!" Afraid and desperate, Nathan kissed her.

Mara snapped back into herself, arms immediately twining up around his neck. She felt wired and jittery, like her skin was too tight. "I have to do at least 3 more sets, Nathan. I'll need help after. Please."

"Just be careful. Stay with me."

"I'm trying. Won't see you dead again."

She shoved her hands against the floor with a ragged shout, and the strain was obvious, her whole body contorting with the effort.

Two more orbs. "Mara, are you sure you can do this? Can't you just breathe for a few minutes?"

"Every minute wasted," she crushed two more orbs, "is time for him to find us."

She swayed, falling sideways as Nathan caught her. Still she pressed on, shoving her hands against the floor and the wall.

"Please, please just wait. Just breathe."

"Nathan, one more here, and then I need your help." She shoved down again, a guttural cry tearing from her.

"What can I do?" There were tears in his eyes as he asked.

"Help me to the nursery and bedroom. But first Duke. Can you lay him down?"

Mara was sweating and shaking. Nathan carefully laid Duke out, a pillow under his head.

Mara joined her mind back to Duke's, checking her work through him. Everything coated, everything sealed. She gently cut the connection, sending Duke into peaceful sleep.

She held her almost empty pouch- it had been full when she started- and grasped Nathan's arm, trying to pull herself up.

He picked her up, not even letting her try to walk.

"Nursery and bedroom?"

Mara nodded, still shaking. Oh, she had definitely used too much Aether. She'd once used 15 orbs in a day and she'd been sick for a week from withdrawal. She'd used at least three times as much trying to shield the _Rouge_.

But at least they'd be safe.

Nathan stood in the doorway of Duke's office as Mara crushed two more orbs, pressing her hands against the door frame.

"Bedroom." She panted, trying to remember it was almost over.

Nathan carried her in. She stopped him just inside.

"Here, at the door." She took out two more orbs, leaving one last orb in the bottom of the pouch.

Taking a deep breath, she crushed them, pressing her palms to the door. 

The entire boat shook for a moment, Mara trembling in his arms to match the _Rouge_. The shaking was followed by a loud noise, like the shifting of metal amplified a hundred-fold. Nathan tightened his grip on Mara, rushing to the bed so he could lie her down and look her over.

As the noise quieted, the boat stopped shaking. Mara, lying in the center of the bed, didn't.

She was pale and sweating, and it felt like her body was rattling apart.

"Nathan, help."

"What do I do? What's happening to you?"

"Overloaded. Kiss me?"

His mouth was on hers instantly, kissing ardently, his hands rubbing her sides. She parted her lips slightly, and then his tongue was in her mouth, kissing her like he cherished her, like she was something rare and precious, something people loved. Like he kissed Audrey.

Mara pulled his shirt off with shaking hands- she couldn't quite manage his fly, so he undid it and she was immediately stripping him.

"Please, if nothing else, hold me." Mara was begging as she pulled her clothes off, stretching as much of her skin against his as possible, shaking as she clung to him.

"Mara, what do you mean, 'overloaded'?"

She made a pained, high-pitched sound that made the hair on his arms stand up. "Aether is addictive. I had to use more than I planned. Way, way more. Overdose."

"Do you need a hospital? Are you going to be okay?"

"Hospital can't help. Need to force it out of me."

"How? Please, I'll do anything."

"Love me?" Mara barely whispered the plea.

Nathan kissed her long and slow, running his hands over her ribcage. She moaned quietly, one hand rubbing the back of his neck, the other stroking his face.

Mara loved him so much in that moment, she felt almost fragile. She felt, finally, like she truly belonged- here with these people, sharing her body, her life and her love with them. She wanted them and maybe for the first time, she truly believed they loved her as much as she did them. This was home.

There was only one other thing threatening that.

As they kissed, hands roaming and exploring, she whispered.

"Nathan, we love you. We need you. Audrey and I, and Duke. Please, Nathan. I know how much I'm asking, but please... be a Guardian. Stay with us forever. We're afraid, we need you. Please, please don't make us live forever without you. Please say yes, please."

She knew she was begging, saw her hands shaking as she touched him. She was far past caring, past ego and shame and shyness and secrets. There was only one thing, one sacred need that mattered more than anything else.

Nathan needed to be changed, because they needed him. Audrey, Mara, Duke and Nathan. She didn't want to live each day knowing he was aging, inching closer to death by the day. Humans occasionally lived past 100. But to Mara, 100 years didn't seem long at all.

Mara pressed her lips to his, and their voice echoed and rang as Mara and Audrey said, _"Please stay with us, Nathan."_

Nathan couldn't refuse. Not when they asked so little. The idea of living forever wasn't usually appealing to him, but living forever with the people he loved... he could do that.

"Yes, I'll stay. I'll stay with you all. Yes, Mara."

She kissed him hard, entire body wrapping around him as she tried to make him see how she loved him. "Nathan, I need you."

He pressed her down into the bed, covering her body with his own. He wrapped his fingers around hers, holding her hand as he pushed into her.

Dear gods, that feeling- yes. The feeling of fullness, of existing together, being one- it was everything. Nathan, Duke, Audrey- they belonged together, and she finally saw that she belonged with them too. She wasn't unwanted, they weren't just putting up with her. They loved her. They were making a family- a real family bound by love and trust. Maybe they'd have a big family. But no matter what, they'd be together, unaging; unafraid of the inevitable, invisible hand of death. No old age to steal them away while they slept.

Nathan was staying.

Mara shook, scratching his back as she bucked against him. She was wild, out of control from the Aether and the excess emotion.

"Please Nathan, hard."

Mara met every thrust, pushing him deeper, holding him tighter. Their bodies worked together in a chaotic frenzy, pushing each other harder, and Mara's half-crazed desire to become one took over, until suddenly his mind was open to her. She pressed herself in, wrapping herself up in him just as he was encased in her.

Mara thought of the hurtful things she'd said and done, showing him how she had felt, her feelings always hidden behind sneers and harsh words. She showed him how she'd loved him even from the start. How he and Duke had broken her control by touching her, searching for Audrey.

Everything she couldn't explain she showed him, and she felt his tears dripping on her face as he rocked inside her.

"Do you see, Nathan?"

He was panting and moaning, his words punctuated by each thrust. "You... love... me."

"No." Mara clenched around him, making him groan. "No, I'm _in love_ with you."

Her words hit him, and they were rocking together hard, their bodies demanding, no fear or lies between them and her vision went white, blinding as she came around him, moaning his name like it was the most beautiful word in the world.

She felt him inside her, the heat of him filling her, and she finally relaxed, blissful. She could still feel the draw of the Aether, the warning signs that she'd pay for what she'd done to the _Rouge_ , but she didn't care. Everything was perfect, her family was safe in their home and she wasn't connected to _him_ anymore. There was nothing else she wanted.

As Nathan pulled out, she grabbed his face, staring at him. "You meant it? You said yes, you're going to be a Guardian? To let me gift you? You won't leave us?"

He laid on his back, pulling her into his arms. "I'll never leave you."

"And you can deal with the not aging?"

"You and Duke will be the same, right? All of us together?"

"Yes, together. Together here, with our family and our Guardians."

"You think they'll say yes?" Nathan stroked her spine.

"Dave already did. I'm sure Vince will and Dwight.... he really loves Momma. So yeah. I think they'll agree."

"Eternity with Vince and Dave."

She laughed. "They mean well. They gave up their lives for me. They deserve to live. They'll be wonderful Guardians."

"Mara.... was that real? Were you in my head?"

"Yes. Sorry I didn't ask, I just... I was overwhelmed and you didn't understand. I needed you to know."

"That you love me?"

"That I'm in love with you, yes. That I trust you. That I always did love you, I was just afraid."

"Thank you for that. It was... beautiful."

"We need to get Duke in here, all lie down until we have to meet the others. You stay."

Mara stood carefully, unabashedly naked as she set out for the living room, where Duke was still dozing on the floor. She knelt next to him, leaning into his side as she kissed his sweet face.

"Duke? Come on, love. Come lie in bed for awhile before we have to see people." She kissed him on the lips, and his eyes fluttered open.

"That's a sight to wake up to. God you're beautiful." Mara blushed.

"The _Rouge_ is protected, come lie in bed for awhile before we have to meet the others. Oh! Nathan said yes. He agreed, he's letting me change him. He's ours, Duke, forever."

Duke smiled as he sat up- the first time he looked away from her face- and noticed her nudity. His breath caught and his eyes turned dark.

"Well, what have you been doing, beautiful?"

"Come cuddle and I'll tell you."


	32. One Sweet Moment Set Aside For Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Song for this chapter is 'Who Wants To Live Forever' by Queen..

They squeezed close together on the bed, trying to get some rest before they had to work again.

Audrey took over for awhile, wanting to let Mara rest. She held Duke and Nathan's hands against her belly as the baby flipped and rolled. They were just cuddling, dozing off and on.

"Oh! I found something out!"

"What's that, Audrey?" Duke was playing some kind of game with Ember, tapping on Audrey's belly and waiting for the answering thump that always followed.

"I found out our birthdays. Our real ones. Well, not the years, but the days, at least."

"Really? What's yours?" Nathan kissed her temple as he asked.

"Beltane. May 1. That's when Mara was put in the Barn, that's the day I started."

"What's Mara's?" Duke asked between taps on her belly.

"Samhain. October 31."

"Seriously? That's only three weeks away!" Duke was already fretting.

"What's 'sow-hen'?" Nathan asked.

"The original name for Halloween. Samhain is a pagan festival celebrating the harvest. Like Beltane celebrates seeding and new life, Samhain celebrates the bounty of the harvest." Audrey wiggled, trying to get comfortable. She felt strange, unpleasant. Like her skin didn't fit. It wasn't receding at all, no matter how much she changed her position. Audrey jumped a little as her hand cramped, feeling like she'd touched a live wire. Her stomach started flipping and she broke into a sweat.

"Uh, guys? I don't feel so good. Let me up!"

She sprinted for the bathroom, waking Mara as she threw up.

_'Audrey? Oh hell, how long was I asleep?'_

_'Couple hours, maybe.'_

_'Shit, Audrey, I'm sorry. You need to rest, you don't need to deal with this. Let me drive, you don't have to sleep, but you're not prepared to deal with this, okay? '_

_She retched again. 'It's just morning sickness.'_

_'No, it's not. It's early stage Aether withdrawal. You haven't done this before, you're not prepared. You can't handle it.'_

_'Can you?'_

_'I've done it before. Let go, Audrey. This is something I need to handle.'_

Audrey moved to the back, letting Mara take over. She stood on shaking legs, washing her face and mouth before she carefully made it back to bed, still nude. They had another 30 minutes before they needed to get dressed. She crawled over Duke, shivering as she pulled the blankets up.

Duke looked at her, concerned. He put his hand to her face. "Mara! What's going on, you're burning up!"

"It's okay, Duke. My own fault. The _Rouge_ took more Aether than I expected. I told you it's addictive. It's withdrawal, I expected this. Didn't mean to sleep so long, I didn't want Audrey to have to deal with it." She shivered hard.

"What can I do, sweetheart? I didn't know you'd get sick, I would have said no!"

"Don't be s-silly, Duke. I needed us to have a safe place to live. Worth it."

"Is there medicine that can help?"

"To manage the symptoms, yes."

He handed her the phone. "Call, get a prescription."

"Bossy."

He glared, and she dialed quickly. She started talking the second she heard Charlotte's voice.

"Momma, I need a favor, s-sorry."

"Dove, what's going on? Are you hurt?"

"Aether overdose and withdrawal. Stage 4. Need Zofran, Valium. Please?"

"Stage 4? Mara, how did you overdose so badly?"

"I bound Aether to the ship. Safe home is more important than discomfort. You always said so."

Charlotte sighed. "I'll call them in. I can pick them up, bring them to the meeting."

"Thanks, Momma. See you."

Mara hated it when Duke glared at her. _Hated_ it.

"Nathan was with you when you were using the Aether?" His tone was dour, almost menacing, and it raised her hackles a bit. She wasn't some naughty child to be scolded. She clenched all her muscles, determined not to let the shaking make her sound stuttery or weak.

"He was, and he kept me safe. He tried to stop me."

"Obviously not hard enough."

Damn it, he was wrecking her limited cuddle time. She pulled out of his arm, sitting up and turning to sit cross-legged, facing the men. Nathan looked so contrite, she could see him berating himself.

"You listen to me, Duke Crocker. Nathan doesn't control me and neither do you. You be angry if you have to, but I needed one single, solitary space where I felt _safe_. Where he can't just break in. Where he can't do what he's been doing- raping and killing. Where I can actually sleep, not stay awake staring at the ceiling because I'm afraid he'll kill you the second I'm not looking.

"So you be mad if you have to, but don't take it out on Nathan. Your problem is with me, so take it out on _me_."

Mara's arms were wrapped tightly around her, her body rigid with strain. She held her breath as she stared Duke down.

Mara _lost_.

Her back- what felt like every single muscle- cramped. Like she'd spent 20 hours at the gym without rest, then run a marathon. An agonized squeal filled the room as her control gave out and she arched her back, grabbing at the sheets.

"No, Mara, hush, it's okay! I'm sorry, I was just worried. Please, what can we do?"

"Is it your back, Mara?" Nathan asked.

"Yes." She spit the word through her clenched jaw, little discordant screeches forcing their way through her throat.

Nathan moved quickly and gracefully, gently rolling her so he could rub her back. His hands were strong, fingers deftly seeking the spasming muscles, massaging until they smoothed out. She panted into the mattress for a moment, catching her breath.

"Thanks."

"Does it work like regular drug withdrawal, sweetheart?"

"Yes, Duke. The more you use, the worse it is. I can use it maybe 6 to 10 times in a day without setting off the withdrawal." She pushed herself up slowly. The cool October air felt good against her hot face, but it made the shaking worse.

"How much did you use today?"

Hell, she probably shouldn't have said that. She could see by the sick look on Nathan's face that he'd already tried running the numbers.

"More than that. I didn't keep exact count."

" _Mara_."

"Maybe forty."

Duke swore softly in Chinese. The only reason she even knew he was swearing was because Audrey insisted on watching _Serenity_ so many times. Ignoring him, she stood and headed for the bathroom to take a couple of pain pills. They'd have a busy evening.

She felt his presence before she saw him.

"Yes, Duke?" She reached for the hairbrush, stopping to cross her arms when she saw her hand shaking.

"Come here."

She went willingly into his embrace.

"I'm sorry for being a jerk. I was just upset, it freaked me out. I worry about you. I understand why you did it. You're right, you deserve to feel safe in your home."

She rested her head against his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him.

"It's not just about me feeling safe, Duke. He _killed_ you. He killed Nathan. He tried to kill the baby. This probably sounds selfish, but... I can't lose another family. I wouldn't survive it."

"You won't lose us. We'll get through this, and when he's dead we'll burn his body to ash, piss on them and pitch that through a Thinny. Kick him out of our world for good."

"Yes. That sounds good. Okay. We need to get ready, we have to meet the others at 4. But Duke?"

"Mara?"

She put a trembling hand over his heart. "Thank you for giving us a home."

* * *

 

He brushed her hair and they all dressed together. Duke had apologized to Nathan and Mara enjoyed watching the sweet kisses that quickly turned into a frantic, deliciously sexy make-out session.

She was already planning to make him _really_ apologize to Nathan when they got home. It was going to be beautiful. She wished she could take pictures.

They were supposed to meet the others at the station, but Mara called Dwight before Nathan could pick up his keys.

"Hendrickson."

"Hey Dwight, it's M-Mara. I was wondering if you guys can come to the _Rouge_ instead. We'll still have the bigger meeting at the station, but we've got more p-privacy here." Her body shook again and she clenched her muscles.

"Sure. We'll be over soon. Should we bring anything?"

"Just yourselves, but wait on the dock before you try to touch the boat. We'll be waiting, I'll explain later."

Mara looked up at the men. "Made the _Rouge_ private. It would be foolish not to use it."

"Good. I don't like spending more time there than I have to."

They settled on the deck in lounge chairs, trying to relax as they waited for their company.

Duke reached out to hold her hand and spotted the pouch tied to her belt, clutched in her quaking fist.

"Mara, why do you have Aether?" His voice was precise, the tone deceptively soft. It reminded her of the sound of a cranky rattlesnake.

"The creation of Guardians requires it. They're human, they need to be _given_ the power, not just unlocking it the way I did with y-you."

Duke breathed deeply, and Nathan reached one hand out to squeeze his knee.

"Isn't using Aether going to make you more sick? Can't it wait until you're over this?"

"No, Duke. It _can't_ wait. I need to be able to focus on taking care of Ember, and I can't do that if I'm constantly looking over my shoulder. Once the Guardians are dedicated and Nathan is safe, I'll know whenever William sets foot on this dimension.

"It won't make the withdrawal worse either." She shifted, trying to relieve the ache in her hips and thighs. "It's like the difference between weaning off an addiction instead of quitting cold turkey."

Truly, she was eager to use the Aether, to ease the awful sickness.

Dwight's truck pulled up. Mara took their hands in hers, trying to move as normally as possible as they stepped onto the dock.

Charlotte stepped out first. Mara went straight to her, hugging her and kissing her cheek. "Hi Momma. It's good to see you. I m-missed you."

"Dove, you just saw me yesterday." Charlotte frowned, looking worried.

"We're starting fresh." Mara bent suddenly, contorting; her hand on her knee as she tried to silently ride the spasm out.

Nathan moved behind her, deft fingers moving to the precise location of the affected muscle. He massaged insistently, as if saying, 'Leave her alone, she's ours.' The muscle relaxed, the pain receding.

Mara loved it when Nathan was possessive.

Charlotte was quick to hand over the pharmacy bag, and Mara swallowed a Valium dry, not willing to wait the ten seconds it would take to get some water. She put the Zofran under her tongue, leaning against Duke so she wouldn't fall. She pressed a hand to her belly, rubbing gently at the spot Ember kept pushing at.

"Is the baby okay?" Duke looked at her hand, terrified.

"Of course, Duke. Of course. I would never risk Ember. My body is slightly different than a normal human. It's designed to always, always protect the fetus. Humans are headed that way as far as evolution goes, but we're farther ahead. Illness, disease, medication- it's all kept from the baby through the placental barrier."

"You're rubbing like you're hurting."

"Give me your hand." Duke put his hand in hers and she placed it against the spot.

His eyes crinkled slightly as he grinned. "Gotcha. Wow." He chuckled and Nathan pressed in, putting his hand alongside Duke's.

"Wow, stronger every day- does it hurt?"

"Not really, especially not yet. Just the constant repetition in one spot can get tiresome. In a couple more months, things will be a little more-" she groaned, a tremor ripping through her- "painful."

Charlotte was wringing her hands, bouncing slightly as she watched. "Mara? Would you..."

"You want to feel the baby? Come here, Momma."

Mara straightened and took Charlotte's hand, pressing it carefully against her belly. Charlotte looked close to tears, but she was smiling. "You were always moving. I started feeling you at 11 weeks, and I swear, you kicked constantly throughout the entire pregnancy. I was sure you'd be a dancer."

Mother and daughter smiled at each other and Nathan brought Mara some water.

A second later, Dwight led Dave and Vince. She gave them a sweet smile but didn't try to move. "Guys, I'm sorry, but I have to mark you before you can come in. For your own protection. I won't hurt you, okay?"

They all looked cautious but lined up, nodding. Mara took an orb from her pouch, crushing it. She focused, tapping her fingers against an imaginary piano, letting the music of _Form_ play in her head. The Aether rose from her hand, floating a few feet away and glowing brightly as it coalesced into a handsome teenage boy.

He was devilish; a bright, dazzling smile on his lips, but the skin around his eyes was tightened defensively. His long, messy dark hair fell into his eyes, naturally highlighted from time in the sun.

Nathan gasped, his hand lifting like he wanted to touch the boy.

This was Duke at 17.

Mara approached him, her system relaxing from the Aether bliss.

"Thank you for your help. Do you know what to do?"

He smirked, but his eyes stared at her adoringly. "Mouth shut, eyes open, sound the alarm if there's trouble. I might beat his ass first, though."

Mara laughed. "Yeah, pretty much. Be careful though. Can you work with a partner?"

The Aetherling looked around defiantly. "Of course I _can_. I don't want to get distracted, though." He winked at Mara.

"Fair enough. Make yourself comfortable." She ran her fingers through his hair before she turned to the others as the Aetherling ambled along the docks, watching everything.

Nathan and Duke stared at each other. Duke cleared his throat. "Uh, Mara? I'm not sure how to say this, but... What the fuck?"

She chuckled. "I don't generally force the form, I let Aetherlings choose. This one apparently chose you. Is he close?"

Nathan answered before Duke could. "Oh yeah. More than close."

She smiled, turning to their guests. "Dwight, you first." He stepped forward, dwarfing Mara. She smiled up at him, resting her hand on the side of his neck.

"Dwight Hendrickson, be welcomed in this home."

There was a bright flash as Mara removed her hand. There was a faint, barely discernible maze where her hand had been, and it faded from sight quickly. She stepped back and motioned for him to step onto the deck of the ship.

She marked them all, inviting them each aboard. As she herded them inside, she looked back to see the Aetherling staring from the dock. He blew her a kiss and she pretended to catch it, shoving it down into her shirt and patting her heart as she grinned back at him.

* * *

 

They were all seated in the living room, but Mara stood to pace. Creating the Aetherling had eased the withdrawal, but she could feel it creeping back in, wrapping angry, pulling tentacles around her bones. She stretched and fidgeted, trying to fight it off.

"Thank you all for coming. Sorry about making you wait outside. After what happened to the apartment, I realized we needed one safe, protected place, somewhere we could talk without fear of spies. I blocked the _Rouge_. There's no way he can hear or see us here."

"Why the mini-me outside?"

"Extra protection. I can't protect your car, so the Aetherling is keeping an eye on things."

"If he's gonna look like me, he needs a name. I suggest Duqito."

Mara chuckled, wrapping her arms around herself. "Duqito, then. Anyway, you know what I asked you. Two of you have already agreed, but I'm hoping you had time to consider?" She sat between Duke and Nathan, wiggling to try and get comfortable.

Dwight spoke up, glancing at Charlotte every few minutes. "I think I understand the basics, but I have a few questions."

Mara was playing with an orb, rolling it around in her hands. She wanted to activate it, to _use_ it. She wanted to make the shaking stop before it got worse.

She shook her head, forcing herself to focus on Dwight. "Sure, of course. Ask anything."

"Well, we won't age, but we can still be hurt or killed, right?"

"Yes, exactly. The difference between immortal and quasi-immortal. Like me, you won't age, but as was pointed out to me once, I'm immune to the _Troubles_ \- not to knives or guns. Or electricity." She shivered involuntary before she locked her muscles down.

Dwight's voice was quiet as he asked, "Will Charlotte age?"

Mara smiled faintly. "Momma isn't Aether-touched. She would age like a normal human. But... if she's interested, I could fix that. I'm willing to. I don't _want_ you to go back there, Momma. You- you could make a life here too."

Mara stood carefully. "Momma, could we talk for a moment? We'll be right back, gentlemen."

She led her mother to another room, taking a breath before she spoke.

"Do you love him? Because I can tell you- he's in love with you."

"Why do you think that, Mara?"

"When I looked at your spirits, his was reaching for you. That means he loves you. Do you love him?"

"Dove, I don't _deserve_ him. After the things I've done... he deserves better."

"Turns out romantic love doesn't work like that. What we plan or deserve doesn't matter. All we can do is try to be worthy of the love we're given."

"When did you get so wise?"

A cramp gripped Mara's thigh and the pain made her drop to the floor, clutching her leg and sweating, trying not to yell. Charlotte knelt next to her, feeling her face.

"Dove, we need to get you to the couch. You need to take another valium, that will help with the spasms. I'll call Duke or Nathan to carry you."

Mara grabbed Charlotte's arm, keeping her still. "No. Don't call them, please, just give me a second. I can walk. They're already too worried."

"Fine, but you're taking the medication as soon as we get out there."

"Yeah, yeah." Mara pushed herself up carefully. "Dwight isn't going to say yes unless he thinks you'll live. If you love him, I can fix you both- not a bad idea to have a doctor for the Guardians- but I have to know what you want."

"How do _you_ feel about me being with Dwight?"

"Why does that m-matter?"

"Because I want to have a relationship with you, Mara. I want us to be okay."

Mara swallowed against the lump in her throat. She considered the situation.

"He loves you and he makes you smile. Someone special told me that you h-have to be open to being loved. I think you should both be happy."

Charlotte squeezed her daughter's hand. "Thank you. If you're willing, you can alter me. There's nothing back home I want to return to."

Mara nodded, taking a breath before they rejoined the others. Charlotte handed her a pill and she swallowed it silently.

"Momma is going to be changed. She won't age."

Dwight's lips twitched. "I accept. I'll be a Guardian."

Mara sighed, relieved. She turned to her lone hold-out.

"In the end, it always seems to come down to me and you, d-doesn't it, Vince?"


	33. How Could You Say That I Never Needed You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey disclaimer! You forgot your line!
> 
> Song for this chapter is Estranged by Guns 'N Roses.

Vince huffed a small, bitter laugh. "I thought we were too old. That you didn't want us anymore. You've outgrown us. We're not _useful_ anymore."

Caught off-guard and curious about the venomous, accusatory tone, Mara tilted her head and narrowed her eyes, focusing on Vince and releasing the iron grip on her body, reaching her mind out to read him.

She immediately wished she hadn't.

Her heart constricted painfully. He was radiating unhappiness in so many aspects.

She'd never loved him like he wanted her to.

She'd rejected his advances repeatedly.

She'd wanted to just be ' _friends_ ', but every time she'd been in the slightest jam she had asked for his help.

She'd never understood that although he was _willing_ to kill for her, each lost life still haunted him.

He'd lost his wife and later refused to take her back, choosing to stay alone with empty hope.

She'd chosen his brother, his best friend. _He_ hadn't been good enough for her, but his brother was.

He had stared at the ceiling late at night, imagining what they were off doing while he lay cold, alone and sleepless.

He was _Duke_.

He was Audrey's Duke, pre-Mara. Before Mara had shaken them up, turning their world upside down, so desperately in love with Duke that she had somehow accidentally crossed over- living when she should have died, refusing to part her spirit from his even if he would never know how she felt for him.

All of these thoughts- Vince's accusations, Mara's recriminations, the sheer amount of misery that permeated the whole situation- spun wildly in her head. She opened her mouth to sob, to apologize, to explain or scream; no sound came out.

The pain hit her simultaneously. Her body was trying to do too much; shake, cramp, cry, scream, beg. The combination of mental and physical torment was too much. She was blowing apart, falling into a pile of splinters and Aether; all that she was made of once you removed her Intent.

Vince was undeniable, living _proof_ that William was right. She was poisonous, she had to be. How else could she have done such damage without even trying?

* * *

 

When she opened her eyes, everything looked different. Similar though, with a couple of the same faces.

Duke and Nathan.

Nathan was pushing her back into a chair with a knife to her throat, glaring murderously. Both men looked disgusted, repulsed by her. She listened as he snarled at her.

"You're nothing but a pathetic, evil reminder of what I've lost. If Duke dies, there's no way I can get Audrey back, which leaves no reason for you to exist. You may be immune to the Troubles, but you're not to _this_."

She knew what she was supposed to say. 'You don't have the balls' or 'You're more pathetic than I thought'. Vile, poisonous words about killing the woman he loved.

More important, though; she knew what she was _going_ to say.

She sat back, looking into his eyes as she started talking.

"I had this... boyfriend, I guess you'd call him... once who had the weirdest issue. He couldn't, you know, _perform_ unless someone was screaming. I mean, he had functional issues too- probably because he was so small. But I always thought the screaming was weird. Before I met you two, I thought three inches was 'above average'. How sad is that?"

She laughed, smiling.

William let the facade go, showing his real face- his livid, disturbed face.

"Where are you, Mara?"

"Right in front of you, obviously."

"Don't play games, you know what I mean!"

"But you love games. That's what all this garbage _is_ , after all."

He stepped closer, menacing. "The last Trouble I tried to alter didn't work. What did you do to them?"

Mara was stunned, but she kept the bored look glued to her face. He didn't know it was him. He thought she'd locked the Troubles. He wouldn't even _entertain_ the thought that it could be him.

What a narcissist.

"Don't worry, I hear that happens to every guy sometimes. Just hope it doesn't give you the yips."

His natural curiosity kicked in, he couldn't help it. "The yips?"

"When a professional athlete makes a simple error, then it gets in their head, screwing up their game forever. Look it up sometime."

He scowled, shaking his head. "Where are you? I can't feel you."

"I'm recovering in an inpatient facility. I'm afraid I can't play. You shouldn't have stabbed me." Her voice was cold; sneering and derisive.

"Let me know where they're buried, I'll bring flowers."

"Careful, William. I have no clothes or apartment to trash if you get cranky."

He smiled at that. "I don't _need_ them." Staring at her, he lifted his hand to slap himself.

She watched closely, jerking her head at just the right moment. Smiling, he pinched his side. She screeched, hands flying to the spot where she should be hurting.

Mara thought about Audrey and Favor Card Poker. She could do this. Play this hand. She would play like Audrey. Fast, smart and ruthless.

She panted, looking frightened. "Stop, _please_   _stop_. Please, I'll be good."

"That's better, baby. Now where are you?"

"Springfield. I'm staying in a yellow house. The man next door is watching over me. His name is Ned. I'm watching the Harry Potter movies. Please, I'll tell you everything, just don't hurt me anymore."

"Springfield? What state?"

"Daddy abandoned me, William. Just like you said." She threw in just enough truth to make him drop his guard. She was sure he already knew about this anyway. It could buy her a moment to think, to change her cards.

"I warned you. I told you I'm the only one you can trust. Do you believe me now?"

Mara sobbed, finally thinking of what William feared. "William?"

"What is it, baby?" He moved to touch her and her stomach rolled with revulsion. No, no way. Game over. She _had_ to act immediately, before he tried to kiss her.

The Maze appeared on her wrist as she spoke. "Aragog."

A giant spider appeared behind him as hundreds of basketball-sized spiders scuttled toward him. He spun to dash away, running right into the behemoth arachnid behind him. Its mandibles closed around his leg with a satisfying crunch, and as he began to scream, she wrenched herself from the dream.

* * *

 

Mara felt hands rolling her onto her side as she vomited. She was coughing, choking. She felt a needle jab into her thigh.

She was on the floor, people around her. She coughed hard, finally pulling in some air as the room tilted and spun.

"Can I have a wet cloth?" Mara wheezed.

A few moments later, she felt the cloth pressed into her hand. She pushed herself up as much as she could, scrubbing her face with shaking hands. Ugh. Thank gods she didn't get it in her hair or on her clothes.

Nathan and Duke supported her on each side and she held on to them, lurching to her feet. She let them mostly carry her to the couch, where she leaned back, looking at the ceiling."Time is it?"

"5:15" Nathan answered.

Good. She could take a minute to breathe.

Someone pressed a water bottle into her hand and she hurried to open it, terribly thirsty.

"Small sips, Dove. You don't want to be sick again."

"Sweetheart, what happened?" Duke looked frantic.

"How long was I... not okay?"

" _Not okay?_ " Duke sounded incredulous, but was obviously trying not to yell. "That was about ten miles from 'not okay'. You were looking at Vince like you were being electrocuted, then you fell on the floor, shaking and unresponsive. You had a _seizure_ , Mara!"

"But how long was I unconscious?"

"About ten minutes." Nathan interjected quickly.

"Well, I can definitely say the Aether worked on the _Rouge_. William can't feel us or see us. He made contact while I was unconscious. He doesn't know the bond is broken, he doesn't know you stripped his abilities and he _still_ thinks you're dead."

Duke rubbed his eyes. "Jesus, Mara. We can't keep doing this. You're doing too much, pushing too hard. You're not sleeping because of that prick so you can't get your strength back. We can't live like this." She imagined what he really meant behind the words. ' _You're not worth it'_.

Mara felt him getting angry. She was already scared, she really didn't want him angry with her. So she grabbed her own anger and struck first.

"I'm sorry! Do you seriously think I'm not _sorry_? Everything I'm doing, _everything_ , is to protect you! Nathan and Audrey and you and Ember. Yes, I am working too hard and not sleeping- Which is why I used the Aether on the boat, why I unlocked you and why I'm _trying_ to get Guardians and a damn fighting force! I'm sorry I'm not as strong as I should be, that I'm too weak to even just _sleep_ peacefully." Sleep peacefully. Dear gods... Audrey had to see all these nightmares. Audrey wasn't sleeping peacefully either.

She was causing them pain _still_. Everyone had been right about her. William had known she was stupid but useful. Garland had known she was bad for Nathan- _her_ , not Audrey, because he hadn't known Audrey well. Duke's family had wanted her dead. Charlotte had warned them about her too. James had run from her and her father had written her off. And they were _right_.

She dropped to the quietest of whispers. "Please, I'm sorry. I wish I were normal, I wish I could make everything easy. I'm doing the best I can. If..." Oh, it was physically painful to say this, but she loved them too much to be selfish. "If you can't handle it, it's okay. I understand. I will fix everything, make sure William never bothers you again, but don't leave Audrey and Nathan. They love you. Stay with them and raise the baby. _Please_ don't leave, Duke. I promise I won't even complain and I won't blame you."

_'Mara, no! Don't say that, don't even think it!'_

_'I will teach you everything. Let me go. I'm a parasite, Audrey. Do you know what parasites do, eventually? They kill their host.'_

The tears were falling, too many to brush away. Mara grabbed a pillow, pressing her face into it to hide the tears.

Everything was stunned silence for a moment. Only Duke and Nathan had heard her whispered plea. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed into the pillow. She didn't look up as arms circled her, another set of hands massaging her back. Duke's voice was quiet and rough, but he wasn't whispering, not trying to hide his words from the others.

"Mara. I'm not mad at you, beautiful. I'm certainly not letting you go anywhere. I'm- look, I'm _scared_. For you and Audrey and Nate and Ember, but for me, too. I _hate_ not being able to control this. I can't protect you when you sleep. No matter how tight I hold you, I can't be in your dreams. I want to make it better. What kind of god can't even protect his _family_?" His voice broke on the last word and she heard the tears inside him.

Mara dropped the pillow, throwing her arms around his neck and sobbing, heedless of the spectators.

"What if you could, Duke? What if you could be in my dreams? Awake, lucid like me?"

"It would make me feel a hell of a lot better."

Mara hugged him, hooking her ankle around Nathan's so she could give him affection too.

"Duke, even humans can practice Lucid Dreaming. I hadn't considered it, but there's no reason you can't share dreams with us! I just need to teach you. Nathan too, if he wants, once the Guardian ritual is complete."

"You could teach us? I could protect you in your dreams?"

"Yes. Yes, I could teach you. I will never be worth it, though. If I go, Audrey would still have the abilities. I'd teach her, I wouldn't leave her defenseless. You can have Audrey and Nathan and the baby, with no more ties to William. Exactly what you dreamed of, Duke. Why would you pass that up?"

"Because I love you, Mara. I want you, too. You changed my whole life. You're more than a lover, Mara. You're my everything. The mother of my child. The force that holds everything together. I love all three of you, but there's a part of me that's just _yours_. You understand the darkness in me and you love me anyway. I'm no more willing to let you go than I am Nate or Audrey. You don't just kick someone out of your family."

Mara saw Charlotte flinch from the corner if her eye, but she got no satisfaction from it.

"Thank you Duke. Thank you Nathan. We... We'll talk about the dream stuff later. We need to finish this discussion before 7:00. And I'm sorry I threw up on your floor."

Duke hugged her, rolling his eyes. Nathan held her hand.

Mara looked at Vince. "I didn't realize how you felt about certain issues. I'm sorry- very sorry. I couldn't be what you needed. I'm sorry for hurting you. If you can't get past that, I understand. But I think you'd be a fantastic Guardian for Haven. It's not about me. It's about the town, Vince."

She looked to Dave. "Thank you for agreeing, by the way."

"You knew I would. I want to help. It's our responsibility."

Mara shivered, staring at Vince. "I'd beg, but I want your honest decision."

"If I get to the point where I don't want to do anymore, will I have that choice?"

"Of course. Voluntary service, Vince."

"Do it."

A knot loosened in her chest and Mara could hear Audrey crying.

"Thank you all. Let's do this."

She shivered as she knelt before Nathan. She stared into his beautiful eyes as she spoke.

"Nathan Wuornos. Will you pledge your service to the health and well-being of Haven and the citizens within, forsaking your natural place in their order?"

"I will."

Mara took out an orb, crushing it anxiously. Her body was craving the Aether.

She asked Nathan to remove his shirt, stretched her normal hand to touch his head and concentrated, pressing her blackened hand over his heart. Gifting and changing him at the same time.

His eyes glowed blue. Everything- pupil, iris and sclera were a solid, bright sapphire. His head moved back and forth as though he were reading something. He sat tall when it was over, looking bigger- muscles defined, no longer so gaunt.

"Thank you, Nathan."

She closed her eyes and just breathed for a moment before turning to Dwight to repeat the process. He changed even less, already physically ideal for the job. Only his hair changed, growing thick and soft as it regained its old length. She left Charlotte to fawn over him as she stood, strong from the Aether, the shaking held at bay.

Mara knelt before Dave, preparing for the difference. His shirt was unbuttoned and he was sweating, obviously nervous. She said the words, pressing her hands against him as she pushed, letting the Aether fill the cracks.

Dave jolted, his eyes glowing bright white as his body changed. Hair grew thick and dark, muscles filled out and his posture changed; the man before her looked to be in his early thirties. The Dave she'd once loved so much. He was blinking wildly, and it took her a second to catch on before she removed his glasses.

Everyone was staring between them, mute with shock. Dwight tried to speak, but no actual sound came out. Still, she understood.

"I didn't say anything because I didn't want it to influence the decision. Dave, I'm going to show you something, okay?" She handed him a mirror.

She knew Dave- the man just _wasn't_ vain. He was staring in shock.

"I look like... Me. I feel like you let me out of a cage, Mara. Thank you, love. Thank you." Mara hugged him hard, feeling him- strong and young- beneath her hands.

"Vince, it's your turn. Are you okay?"

"Just do it. I'm ready."

Mara smiled, moving quickly to recite the oath and press her hands to him. She had to push a little harder, forcing his body to revert to his strongest, the most physically ideal version of himself. His glorious mane long and shiny, the lines of grief and weariness melting away.

Mara smiled at Duke as Dave passed the mirror to his brother. Vince stared silently.

Smiling, she spoke proudly. "Guardians, I thank and welcome you. Will you serve?"

The four uttered serious affirmations, and her shoulders relaxed as she expelled a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

"Please stand up, shirts off."

Nathan, Dwight, Dave and Vince stood together, two generations frozen together in time.

She let the Maze flare on her wrist, holding it up before them. "My sigil is now yours. Let it remind you why we fight."

A breeze floated through the room as, on each of the four men, the Maze appeared on each of their right arms. Each different than the others.

Nathan's was black, edged in a thin line of Mara's fire. The small figure on the east glowed a brilliant, sapphire blue.

Dwight's was also ringed in Mara's fire, but on his, the western figure glowed, bright white.

Vince and Dave's were outlined in sparkling, frosted silver. On Vince, the Northern figure was shining, made completely of Mara's fire. Dave, sweet Dave- her stability, her rock- was the southern figure, reflecting the same silver as Duke's Aether-eyes.

On the four Guardians and Mara as well, dozens of tiny stars popped up around the Maze, tiny shapes twinkling, though if you stared, they never seemed to change at all.

"Memory marks! But how? I didn't do this."

"Do what, Mara?" Nathan was gazing at her curiously.

"I can show you."

Mara touched a fingertip to one of the stars on her wrist. Suddenly, a three-dimensional figure appeared over her hand. Not exactly a hologram- more like the Aetherling outside than anything else. Jacob, smiling and laughing. When she released the star the image disappeared. She pressed another, getting her first good look at Lizzie Hendrickson, whiskers drawn on her cheeks.

"Each star represents someone lost in the battle. When fully opened, everything about them is available. Detailed files with sound, video... All kinds of things. Memory marks are difficult to create. I didn't force these, they just appeared. They're some kind of gift from the Old Gods."

A gift, yes. And a message.

They were going to win.


	34. All Alone Except For The Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not mine.  
> Song for this chapter is 'Eyes of a Stranger' by Queensryche.

Mara went to shower and change before they had to leave for the meeting, leaving Charlotte and the others to explore the Memory marks.

She was rinsing her hair when she heard the bathroom door open, bare feet padding toward the shower as bits of clothing rustled, falling to the floor. She raised her face into the spray, letting the hot water relax her body. A brief moment, the chill of fresh air against her skin before large, strong hands stroked her neck, following the water as it cascaded over her.

Mara kept her eyes closed, leaning back into a tall, strong body. The stroking hands moved around her, cupping her breasts and raising goosebumps. She turned slowly, raising her arms to wrap around his neck, winding her fingers in his hair. She delicately licked water from his cheek, rosy pink tongue tracing drops from the raspy stubble on his cheek to the smooth satin next to his eye.

She ran her lips down his face, her tongue darting out again to lick his soft, sweet lips as she pressed their mouths together.

Oh, she could get lost in his kisses. He had laser-focus when it came to love. When he hugged her, she was the only person in the room. When he kissed her, she was the only thing in the world. When he touched her, she was the only thing in the universe. When he made love to her, she _was_ the universe.

Every kiss meant something. His hands explained as they roamed, rubbing her warm, wet skin. They said everything for him. ' _I was afraid. I'm sorry. I love you. I need you. Don't leave me.'_ She nodded, mouth still moving against his. She tightened her grip around his neck and brought one leg up around his hip in silent invitation.

He accepted, his arms tightening to lift her, turning to press her against the wall as she raised her other leg, wrapping them around his hips. He was silent as he entered her, only his ragged breath hinting at the turmoil inside him. She kissed him slowly, questioning; why tears?

Holding her tenderly, he brought his mouth to her ear, nipping at her throat along the way. He made love to her while he whispered.

"I don't think Nate and Audrey understand how dark I am. I'm always afraid they'll see it and stop loving me. But you see it and love me anyway. I _need_ you. Don't leave me."

Mara kissed his neck, sucking gently as he moved inside her. He was rocking slow and gently. Not demanding, not after the endgame. Just loving her. Just letting himself be loved.

"I'm yours. You can keep me or you can send me away if you have to. I'll never leave of my own free will. Never leave you intentionally." Her breath hitched as he rubbed against her so deep, touching places she didn't know she could feel.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Mara squeezed around him, making him moan quietly. He nodded, trying to get deeper.

"I know you love them, and I love them, but sometimes I pretend you're mine. That you were born for me or I was born for you, and I'm just sharing you with them." She rocked her hips, moving against him. "I think about us, conceiving this baby- this amazing little person who's made of you and me. Just us, and I loved you so much, I just couldn't recognize love anymore. I wanted you to love me."

She was moving to press her lips against his but he altered the angle as he thrust and she gasped against his mouth. "Say it again, Mara."

"I loved you. I love you still."

He pushed, hitting that spot again, and her back arched. "More, Mara."

She was tight around him, feeling every inch of him inside her. "I love you. You... you were mine _first_. You were my first. The first man I chose to be with." As if her words were driving him, he moved faster, harder. "I share you, but I covet you. You're mine. _Mine_."

One of his hands moved from gripping her ass to touching where they were joined, feeling himself sliding in and out of her. "More." Duke panted.

Oh, his fingers- the way he rubbed them there, she was almost jealous. She wanted to touch too. "Mine. I'm willing to share, but I want a piece of you, a piece- to be just _mine_."

He was grunting, trying to get deeper still as he drove her harder, the slap of skin echoing in the small room. Mara was struggling for air, her whole body tightening as she whispered, "Mine, Duke! Please, _please_ , just a little, be mine. _I'm already yours._ "

Duke shook, thrusts rattling Mara's entire frame as he made _that_ noise, the one that made her tighten and shake. She was gasping, tearing apart. She bit his chest, wanting to taste his skin, and he muffled his cry in her hair, his heat seeping into her as his body jerked.

They caught their breath as the water washed over them, and if tears were shed, they were obscured by the falling water. Duke held her up, arms around her even after he pulled out. Mara wrapped arms around his waist.

"Please don't tell, and don't be upset with me. I promise I'm not trying to... I don't know. Get possessive. Well, not _obviously_ possessive. I know my place, I swear. I just- I just..."

Duke stopped her with a kiss, stealing her words.

"Yes, Mara. I'm yours."

* * *

 

When they returned to the living room, dry and dressed, the others were still exploring the Memory marks. Nathan winked at them.

"We have to leave for the meeting soon, but I have to do something first. Will you all excuse us, we just need to step outside. Make yourselves comfortable." She motioned for Nathan to follow, pulling Duke out onto the deck of the ship.

Duke pulled back, looking at their guests very seriously and saying, "Not _too_ comfortable, unless you have a warrant." before she tugged him out.

Nathan joined them as Mara scanned the docks, finally spotting the Aetherling, watching the ship as a girl talked to him, obviously trying to get his attention. His eyes met Mara's, he smiled politely at the girl and immediately started loping toward the Rouge. He jumped from the dock, landing gracefully a few feet away, then made a beeline to Mara.

The poor flirt on the dock looked crushed. Mara couldn't blame her.

"Nothing but nothing out here. What do you want me to do?"

Mara could see Nathan's fingers twitching and she reached out to touch the Aetherling, stroking his hair and resting a hand against his face. For the first time, she realized his eyes were silver.

"How would you feel about sticking around? We've got a lot going on and would be grateful for the help."

"A bodyguard?"

"Of sorts. You wouldn't have to be with me 24/7, but when we leave this boat, we're more of a target."

He smiled mischievously. "I can think of worse things to do than watch you all day." He winked and Mara laughed- if she hadn't been able to tell from his appearance, his mannerisms would still have screamed 'Duke'. It was frankly adorable.

"You deserve a name then."

Duke said, "I suggested Duqito."

The Aetherling looked from Duke to Mara.

"Permission to speak freely?"

"Granted."

"No. _Hell_ no. I'm not a Chihuahua. I can deal with 'Duo' though."

She smiled, and though Duke looked disappointed, he obviously understood.

"Duo, then. Do you want to stay? I'm not like William, you'll have time to just be free. I want you to be happy. I want you to _choose_ this- I don't want a slave. Aether should never be subjugated."

Duo looked at her like she was crazy. "Of course I want to stay, but even if you just kept me in your pocket when you didn't need me I'd still be happy. I know you're not like him. You could never be."

Mara blinked rapidly to keep the tears from falling. "Why do you say that?"

"We're made of the same stuff. I feel your heart."

"You're going to make me cry."

"What title do you want?"

"No title, Duo. Call me Mara. You'll get to know Audrey, too."

"Mara." The Aetherling looked hesitant, though his eyes were shining with love. "Permission to instigate contact?" He was nervous.

"Granted." She was terribly curious- why would an Aetherling want contact?

Duo took a deep breath, stepped closer and folded his arms around Mara. It took her a startled moment to understand he was hugging her, but she returned the embrace immediately.

This Aetherling was unusual. She had never, ever seen one express emotions like affection. They tended to act like robots, just obeying the parameters they were given.

But Mara hadn't been restrictive- she'd simply wanted help, another set of eyes keeping everyone safe. So he had either decided to copy straight from Duke, or the Aether was even more sentient than she had believed.

She'd bet on both, but there was something else, something she couldn't quite grasp. Like a fly buzzing around her head- the extra spark that made Duo different. She knew what it was, she just couldn't quite place it.

They embraced for a long moment, and she took his hand as he stepped back.

"Duke, Nathan- this is Duo. Duo, meet Nathan Wuornos and Duke Crocker."

"May I still make contact?" He asked her quietly, trying to be polite.

"Of course, and please continue to speak freely. Not a slave, remember?"

He smirked as he turned to Nathan, reaching out to shake his hand. "Good to officially meet you. I've known you a very long time. I know you're a good guy. Just be good to her. _Really_ good."

His words were friendly, but the warning tone he used when he mentioned her- so protective!- made her giggle.

"Of course. She's easy to be good to. Nice to er... meet you." Nathan was still having trouble thinking coherently around this young Duke-facsimile, and he didn't understand what he'd meant when he'd mentioned knowing Nathan for a 'long time'.

Then Duo and Duke faced each other, both openly staring. Neither of them smiled, carefully assessing each other for long, long moments. Suddenly, Duo reached out to clap Duke's shoulder, grinning. "Nice, man. You're okay."

Duke chuckled. "You're okay too."

Nathan exchanged a glance with Mara. She leaned in to explain.

"They were communicating through the Aether. I didn't hear much."

"He said I freaked him out. I respect that honesty."

"No, I said you _kind of_ freaked me out." Duke defended.

"Right. And then he threatened to set me on fire if I let anything happen to you. I like him."

"Duke! You can't threaten to set people on fire!"

Duo defended Duke immediately. "He can if they get you hurt. It's how I know I can trust him."

Duke laughed. "Don't let the face fool you, he's got a laundry list of creative dismemberment options for anyone who hurts you. He gets it."

Mara shook her head. "Okay, you guys can talk maiming when we get back. We need to get everyone to the station for the meeting."

She went back in to collect a full pouch of Aether and get the others.

"It's time to go, guys. And I know they're your people, but let's face it, a meeting with the Guard is like herding cats. I have no idea how many will even be there." Mara stopped to grab her prescriptions as well- just in case.

Dwight looked between her and Vince, finally understanding Mara's concern. "What do we say about Vince and Dave?"

"You're going to have to let me handle it. I'm following Audrey's advice this time. I can't plan a meeting when the participants are so hugely chaotic. We're going to wing it and hope she's right."


	35. If You Fall, I Will Catch You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright? Have you read the novella Haven is based on? I'm surprised Stephen King even gets credit for Haven.
> 
> Song for this chapter is Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper.

They made it to the station right on time. Mara was distracted, jittery and nervous. She wasn't in full withdrawal yet, but it was creeping in.

She didn't bother with plans, simply reminding Duke and Nathan to stay behind her. She walked straight into the conference room, the others trailing behind her. Dwight stood next to her and Duo stayed in a corner, watching constantly.

There was a decent turnout, but she wondered how many were here to fight and how many to gossip. She passed out a stack of papers- each with a picture and description of William.

"Thank you for coming. I'm sure you've all noticed the symbol in the sky." ...And the chattering began already. Two sentences in.

Mara breathed deeply, her skin crawling as the withdrawal pushed in.

"I can't talk while you're talking, so if you actually want answers, please listen."

When they settled, Mara continued.

"The symbol is there because we're in danger. William, the man we talked about at the last meeting- the man who started the Troubles- has come back. He's hiding, but he's already spilled blood." Mara jerked her sleeve up, raising her arm and hand to show the grisly wounds she'd taken.

"More than anything, we need you to keep your eyes open for this man. I'm asking that of every citizen. If you see him contact us immediately- there are several phone numbers on the handouts. Don't approach him no matter what.

"But everyone here tonight has either volunteered or been asked to help protect the town. You may never be asked to fight, and I sincerely hope that's the case. But if we need help, I need to know who here is willing to fight to protect their neighbors. Some of you have gifts that can help heal, protect or defend, some have gifts that make you great in combat, and some of you are here just because you love your community. There's a place for all of you, and you'll each answer to a.... team leader, let's say."

She pulled out her notebook, giving instructions.

"Those of you who want to actively fight- Gifted or not, you'll be in Dwight's team. He'll get you all set up. Right Chief?" Mara smiled at him and he nodded once, hiding his smile.

She took a deep breath, stretching as she tried not to shake. Things were about to get more interesting.

"Gifted citizens who are interested in First Response- medical care, protection, psychological help- your team leader is Vince Teagues."

As Vince stepped forward to stand with Dwight, the room went silent. Mara could literally hear people breathing. For about four seconds. Then the chatter exploded, deafening as they all tried talking over each other. Mara rolled her neck, wishing for a massage.

She nearly jumped out of her skin as an air horn blared, shocking everyone into silence.

Mara turned to look at Duo, still holding the air horn. Seeing her gaze, he widened his eyes, pointing at Duke and saying, "He gave it to me! I didn't want them to give you a headache. Fire, remember?" He tried to look completely innocent and devious at the same time.

He pulled it off, too.

Mara bit her lip to keep from laughing. Not hard- she was trying not to use pain to control herself. She wanted to be better, to be _really_ strong; not just good at appearing strong.

"Just be patient, please. I will answer your questions shortly." She looked around at everyone seriously, making sure they knew she meant business.

"Thank you. Now anybody who isn't enhanced but still wants to help, either with medical care, patrols or general assistance- your team leader is Dave Teagues. And remember, no shouting."

They didn't shout as Dave joined Vince and Dwight, but the whispers were loud enough that Mara saw Duo hold up the air horn, wiggling it as a warning.

"Anyone who decides they want to be given a gift can come to me. Now, if you'll ask one at a time, I can answer your questions."

As she expected, the very first question was about Vince and Dave.

"Vince, Dave, Nathan and Dwight have been chosen for a particularly arduous job. They've agreed to protect Haven- protect all of you. Because the task is so demanding, the Gifting process changed them physically so they could all be strong enough to shoulder the burden."

Someone in the back, Mara couldn't tell who- said, "She's making her friends safe and letting us rot! She's never lost anything!"

Mara froze, her stomach twisting violently. She saw Duo take a step forward and motioned for him to stop. She looked out into the sea of faces.

"It's easy to say things like that when you're hiding. Please, come forward, let's talk."

Her tone was even and measured, her hurt and anger hidden away.

After a few moments, someone pushed the loudmouth forward. They knew him, he worked at the station. Chad something.

_'Oh, him. He hit on me the first month I was here. I turned him down, three days later I overheard him telling someone I slept with him. I broke his nose. Garland was supposed to write me up, but we actually just had a drink from the bottle he kept in his desk. He toasted me for "giving that no-account dumb shit what he had coming". I really miss Garland sometimes.'_

Mara looked at Chad curiously. "I've never lost anything? Why would you think that?"

He wasn't as eager to talk when people knew it was him.

"Chad, would you like to see what I've lost to this fight? Let me show you."

Mara pushed her sleeve up again, letting the Maze show. She scanned for certain stars, pressing Jacob's first. The crowd murmured in shock as his image came to life over her hand. She showed him laughing. "This is Jacob. He was amazing. He was my friend and I loved him. William killed him."

She pressed another star, struggling to keep her body still. Little Alec appeared, an orange wedge stuffed in his mouth as he hopped from foot to foot.

"This is Alec. My son."

"You don't have a kid."

"You're right, Chad. Do you want to see why?"

Without waiting for an answer, she pulled up another file on Alec, looking away as the image of William slaughtering her little boy played out. When it was over, she stared at Chad.

"If you're not here to help, you know where door is." She refused to look away or blink, waiting for him to speak.

"I'm sorry, Audrey." The apology was a whisper, but it was still something.

"Are you here to help?"

"Yeah."

"You can apologize by helping make sure nobody else loses what I did."

* * *

 

The rest of the meeting went reasonably well. At 8:15, Mara pulled Duke and Nathan aside, her arms wrapped tightly around herself.

"I can't stay any longer. None of these people need gifts. Please."

"Sure, let's go home. I'll tell Dwight, just wait here." Nathan squeezed her hand before he walked away.

As they waited, Duo approached, hands in his pockets, silver eyes vigilant. "You okay, Mara?"

Something in his words or tone felt familiar. She couldn't quite place it, though.

"I'm fine, Duo. Good job with the crowd control."

"That guy was a douche. I wish you'd have let me hit him."

She chuckled as a shiver crawled up her back. "I thought about it, especially after Audrey told me about him, but he's not worth it. I'll be keeping an eye on him, though."

Nathan joined them and they were almost to the door when they were stopped by a voice directly behind them.

"I don't know what you three are up to, but I'm not so senile I don't know Duke Crocker when I see him. Two of him. What the hell is going on?"

Mara closed her eyes. Of course. _Gloria_.

They pulled her aside, trying to stay quiet. Mara's knuckles were white where she was clutching at herself.

"I'm sorry, Gloria. Things got really crazy really fast. This is Duo. He's our friend."

"Friend my eye. That's Duke."

"Gloria, Duke is right here. Duo just looks like Duke."

She didn't look convinced. Mara hated to be rude, but if she stayed much longer she was going to lose her control. She'd taken a valium, but everything was getting worse, and she didn't want to take more until she could lie down, safe at home.

She played the one card she knew would work.

"Gloria, I want to explain, but I'm really sick. I have to go." She reached out to grasp Gloria's hand, pressing it to her belly as Ember rolled.

"Oh! Go, go. Just talk to me later." Gloria nodded at them, turning to Vince.

That would be an interesting talk.

* * *

 

They were driving home, radio playing softly when 'Cat's In The Cradle' started playing.

"No, no way, veto." Duke was already pushing buttons and Mara eyed him curiously.

"You okay, Duke?"

"I'm fine."

"Duke?" She touched his hand.

"That song just makes me a little edgy since you got pregnant." She couldn't see without using her dark-sight, but she was sure he was blushing.

"Well, you're nothing like your father, and I'll be thrilled if Ember has even half as much heart as you. I hope the baby is just like you, and you'll be there for all the firsts. For everything. I know it."

"How do you know?" Duke asked quietly.

Nathan answered for her. "Because where you go, we all go."

Mara and Duke were mid-kiss when the shaking broke through and she whined in frustration and discomfort.

"We're almost home, sweetheart." Duke squeezed her leg.

Duo reached over the seat to tap Duke's shoulder and they stared at each other, communicating through the Aether. As they pulled up to the dock, Duke nodded.

"Mara, Duo's going to check out the docks for awhile, but we're going to try and make you well. You trust me?" Duke was picking her up, carrying her quickly onto the Rouge and into the bedroom.

She arched her back, holding her breath as she nodded.

Duke whispered with Nathan as Mara pulled her shoes off and took her medications, brushing her teeth and washing her face with trembling hands. She was taking her shirt off when the muscle spasms hit. She grabbed the sink, holding her breath.

As her arms shot out to grab the sink, she hear fabric tear. Damn it, she was low enough on clothes! She moved slowly, focusing on her feet. And walked straight into Nathan, who caught her before she fell. He scooped her up, carrying her to the bed and setting her down, pulling her torn shirt off.

Duke was already shirtless, and the moment Mara was laid out on the bed, he and Nathan removed the rest of her clothes.

"Mara, I want to try something, but I need you to open up to me, okay? Can you do that?"

She just nodded.

The lights went off, there were sounds she couldn't identify, then Duke was next to her, pressed as close as possible, completely nude.

She groaned as her back tightened.

"Please Duke, whatever you're going to do, do it." Mara was struggling to get the words out, clawing at the sheets.

"It's okay, Mara. I'm going to make it better." Duke kissed her, and somehow her body still responded. He settled between her legs and she felt Nathan holding her hand, fingers twisting around hers.

Duke pressed into her slowly, wrapping his arms around her.

"Mara, sweetheart, open your soul for me. Please."

She had to concentrate, but she did it, leaving herself open. She stopped breathing for a moment as his soul connected with hers, and suddenly the Aether was traveling through them again.

Like the first time, Nathan kept his hands on them, tethering them. As the fire passed through them, around and around, her muscles stopped cramping. She brought her free hand up to wind around his neck.

He rocked her, taking his time. She could feel Nathan's hand in hers, knew he was touching Duke with the other. Her shaking slowed as the Aether flowed between them, and she wrapped her free arm around Duke, pressing her lips to his.

Even his kisses were slow, just exploring her mouth, running his tongue along her lips. He kissed her cheeks, her chin, even her eyes before returning to her mouth, the fiery Aether lighting them continuously from within.

Each moment, each touch relaxed her body further, chasing away the withdrawal symptoms. As the glowing Aether brightened and grew around them, it reached out to touch Nathan, but the familiarity didn't make him sad this time. He was one of them, Aether bound to his own cells and the glow surrounded him too, feeling like kisses against his skin.

Mara started pushing back, meeting Duke's movements and pushing him deeper. Her legs wrapped tightly around him. There was no more stuttering as Mara whispered, "Nathan. _Take him._ "

More movement, sound, and Duke gasped against her lips as Nathan touched him, rubbing the lubricant into him. Mara brought her legs higher, letting Nathan kiss the skin of Duke's back, pressing his legs father apart. Duke gasped and shivered against Mara's ear and she felt the press and shift of their bodies as Nathan buried himself in Duke.

She didn't need her dark-sight, the glow from the Aether lit them like living candlelight. Duke wasn't even able to hide, drowning in the feeling of the bodies surrounding him. He was utterly beautiful, his sweet youthful face showing his ecstasy as they moved each other.

Nathan looked so serious as he loved Duke- his jaw tight with strain as he focused on trying to be gentle. Mara raised her hand until her fingers brushed Nathan's cheek, and when he met her eyes, she murmured, "Harder. He needs you as much as you need him."

Then Nathan was pushing Duke farther into her, and she put her hands on Duke's jaw, bringing her lips to his. She whispered against his mouth between kisses.

"Do you feel, Duke? How much he wants you, how much he needs you? I wish you could see his face right now. Gods, he's loving this. Feeling you tight around him, finally being able to touch you. He loves you, Duke. We all do."

Mara had to grip his shoulders as he moved faster, harder. The sound- dear gods, the sounds they were making made her clench around Duke. The low groans, the panting, the way Nathan was saying Duke's name all made her arch her back, growling and breathless. She was close, teetering on that precipice as they rocked together, and as Nathan pushed him harder still, she came around him, muscles squeezing, trying to draw Duke closer.

Mara was breathless, but she stretched her neck to whisper in Duke's ear.

" _Mine_ , Duke. I want to hear you, I want to hear you come. Nathan wants to feel you. We love you. We'll never leave you. Let go, Duke." She scratched her nails down his arms, and he went rigid, eyes rolling back as he shouted a wordless cry, pushing back against Nathan and then far into Mara as he came, Nathan only a moment behind him.

Those sounds though, they buried themselves in Mara and she was surprised, her body tensing as she grabbed at them, contracting around Duke again.

After a long moment, she felt Duke shudder as Nathan pulled from him, then Duke was sliding out of her, kissing her slowly before he turned to kiss Nathan. The Aether settled inside them, leaving them in darkness. They cleaned up, then lay in a tangle of warm limbs, each trying to touch the others.

Mara heaved a deep, relieved sigh. Her muscles were loose, the shaking and spasms gone, Duke having purified the Aether within her again. It was several minutes before she could speak again.

"You two stay. I'm going to check on Duo, see where he wants to sleep." She reached to kiss them both, and as she was half-sprawled over Duke, the baby stretched and flipped, hard enough to make her gasp and for Duke to feel against his side.

"Was that the baby?" Duke asked, sounding shocked.

"Yep."

"Holy shit."

She laughed. "Give us another month, you'll really see something then. Rest. I'll be right back."

She stood, feeling well again as she shrugged into pajama pants and a tank top. She traced her fingers against the walls as she walked through the boat, constantly checking up on the Aether. This one perfect place, this home, was completely sealed, shielding them from everything. Their castle on the sea.

She stepped out onto the deck, the fall air raising goosebumps on her arms as she scanned the docks, looking for Duo. She finally spotted him sitting, looking out over the water. She walked to him barefoot, silently sitting next to him. They just sat together, quietly watching the water and the Maze that still gleamed in the sky.

"I know you told him how to help me. Thank you."

Duo smiled, looking at her sideways. "I'm glad you're better. I don't like seeing you sick."

"I'm glad you're here, that you decided to stay."

"You guys need help. More than you know. I want to be that help. Thanks for trusting me."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Why did you choose Duke, at this age?"

He smiled. "It's the strongest memory I have."

Mara realized immediately, and felt foolish for taking so long to catch on. "Of course! You were the Aether bonded to the Hansens! We took you out of Nathan. I'm sorry for not recognizing sooner."

"You were sick and hurting. I don't mind. Thanks for asking me to stay around. It's good to see them from this perspective. If someone is going to help you watch over them, I'm glad it's me. I know them pretty well."

"You remember the things Nathan blocked, don't you?"

"I do. I helped block them in the first place. Nathan's biological father was a nasty piece of work. That's how his mom met Garland. Trying to get protection, trying to get him safe. Not saying the man was a doting father, but he cared. Cared a lot."

"And Nathan's most cherished memory is of Duke, right?"

"Yeah, first kiss. First everything."

"Come in and sleep. You can have the extra room."

"If you don't mind. Hey, would you do me a favor?"

"Of course, anything."

"Let Nathan know how much Garland loved him. He honestly doesn't know, and he should."

Mara smiled, leaning to hug Duo. "I knew you were special. You can have a good life here."

She stood, pulling him with her. "We can talk more later. We need rest now."

"Yes, ma'am." Duo smirked at her, "but I know that look. you've got a plan."

She smiled. "I'm going to see what Duke dreams of."


	36. My Heart Won't Deny You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven isn't mine, but I'll keep it alive as long as I'm able. I hope you all do, too.
> 
> Song for this chapter is 'Don't Cry' (alternate version) by Guns 'N Roses.

Mara set the guest room for Duo before heading back to Duke's- _their_ \- bed.

Her boys were sleeping, and she watched for a long moment, snapping a picture with Audrey's phone.

She kicked off her pajama pants, climbing into the far side of the bed, Duke in the middle. She stretched, cleared her head, and started feeling for Duke's mind with her own. When she felt it, she followed the silky texture, mind sliding sensuously against mind until she felt the opening she was searching for, and pulled herself in.

Nothing, absolutely _nothing_ could have prepared her for entering the subconscious of this yoga-loving zen master.

Everything was utter chaos. A cappuccin monkey in a ballet costume wheeled a unicycle on a tightrope above her head. In the distance, an elephant was running- fast- through a field of poppies as zombies in Mardi Gras beads ambled behind it. Actions and images flashed and changed quickly, a sleek red motorcycle morphing into a pink, fluffy unicorn, the image of Audrey nude lying atop it. She was holding a leash that attached to Nathan, in leather pants, a studded leather vest and matching hat, spiked leather collar wide across his throat. Even in the dream, though, Nathan looked mortified.

Mara wandered around a little. The same bit of a song kept repeating as if over a loudspeaker. " _Pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows, pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows, pink fluffy..._ " On and on it droned.

"Oh, no, nuh-uh. I can't concentrate with that bleating." She hadn't wanted to interfere yet, but she flicked a finger, moving to the next song. It was just as bad as the first, and even she remembered what they called it. 'Hamster Dance'.

"Oh for the gods sake!" She motioned again, heard her own sad, scared voice singing 'Exquisite Corpse'. Then 'Henry the Eighth'. Again, and she heard 'I Would Do Anything For Love' and curious, she followed the Paths of Possibility, catching a glimpse of another timeline, of Duke getting into the Barn with her.

She kept flipping through sounds; 'Two Out of Three Ain't Bad' she passed as soon as she heard it. She finally found a song she could live with- 'November Rain', and continued her trek. She started to call his name, uncertain she could find him in this madness.

"There you are!"

The words weren't terrifying in Duke's warm voice, but as she turned, she saw he was in clown costume and she jumped.

"Why in creation are you dressed as a clown?" She was trying not to look at him.

"For the party! I'm glad you came early."

"What's the party for, Duke?"

"For your birthday!"

"Duke, love- are you talking about Audrey? Because her actual birthday isn't for months."

"No, Mara. For yours! Don't be mad at her, but Audrey told us the date."

Her throat tightened. "I... we don't have... People don't celebrate my birthday, Duke. Never have."

"We do now."

"Well, we can't really have a party, Duke. I don't exist outside our little circle. So you can throw Audrey parties for hers, okay? It doesn't bother me. I know my place."

His eyes narrowed. "You keep saying that, Mara. Why?"

"Gods, can you take off the clown rig? I can't- Audrey's not the only one who's coulraphobic. Please don't tell anyone. But I can't look at you like that, so I'm going to close my eyes until you do."

She shut her eyes.

"Fine, but answer the question. Why do you keep saying you 'know your place' like that?"

She huffed. "Every group, every pack has a social hierarchy. I'm not at the level you guys are. I bounce above in some areas, but mostly below. I'll always have to be a secret, Duke. I can't exist publicly. I'm not on even footing with you three. My place is behind. It always will be, and I'll always be okay with that. Audrey deserved the body, Momma didn't expect me to do... well, _this._ Survive. I just didn't want to leave you, don't you get that? I'm still alive because I was in love with you. I'm okay being a dirty secret, Duke."

"Mara, open your eyes."

She tentatively opened one eye, ready to close it the moment she saw anything clown-related.

Her eyes popped wide as she realized Duke was nude, and her cheeks flamed.

"I... you know, this is dream-state, Duke. You can just whip up new clothes like _that_." She snapped her fingers, and suddenly she was wearing the dress from the boathouse. Oh hell, that wasn't well-planned at all.

"I happen to like nudity."

"Uh... are all your dreams this... lively?"

"Depends. Some are different." Duke stroked his hand down her arm, making her shiver. She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her as he spoke. "You're not a dirty secret, Mara. And you're no lower in order that the rest of us."

She blinked back tears. "We're getting off-track. I'm supposed to be helping you learn dream control. I thought it would be easier starting in your own dreams. You've seen I can touch you, and though I could even make you feel pain, it won't affect your physical body, okay?"

"Okay."

"Now, let's say I don't like this dream. You focus internally- nothing outside matters. The power that runs everything is internal. May I alter this?"

"Sure, go for it."

Her fingers tapped again, the music of _Transformation_ playing loudly in her head. As she watched, everything changed, and then they were in the boathouse again. Maybe she could get some resolution, take back the dream William had tried to sour.

"Everything is possible here, if you can keep your head. You're in charge of your dreams, and even if the person you're fighting is more experienced, if you know how to manipulate them, you're okay. The hard part is not letting yourself get caught, because they can feel real.

"Look, I can actually show you the dreams I've been having, how I beat William. Do you want to see?"

"Seriously? Yeah, I want to see!"

"Put on some pants, I can't concentrate with you naked. Unless I'm naked too, but then I'm concentrating on something else." She slapped his bare ass, and he made himself some loose cotton lounge pants, laughing.

She brought up the dream from the apartment- the one that wasn't even a dream. Mara wrapped Duke's arms around her, gripping them with her back pressed to his chest.

"It's a re-creation, like a movie. We can't change it, only watch, okay?"

He nodded, and they watched, Mara occasionally staring down instead of around. Duke's breath was harsh behind her and his grip around her tightened protectively.

When the knife came down into Mara's belly, Duke made to pull away, to run to her side, and Mara had to yank him back, muttering, "Look, not touch."

"I... I didn't... I knew it was bad, but not- oh Mara." He buried his face in her shoulder, breath ragged, and she stroked his back as she motioned the vision away.

"Shh, it's gone, it's okay. Everything is fine, Duke. Just a memory now, and that's because of you and our baby. He can't hurt us on the _Rouge_ , I promise."

"But it was real for _you_. He hurt you. Your hand and your arm are all stitched up. Your mouth... I didn't understand how bad it was. I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to see the others, Duke. The second one... it's kind of bad. I want you to know how to turn the dreams around, but I don't want you to have to see."

He shuddered, his face still pressed against her.

"I need to see it. Please, I need to understand."

She closed her eyes, trying to be calm for both of them.

"Fine. Please, please remember, Duke- I broke this one because I _knew_ you would never do this, do you understand? Even in a dream-loop I knew I could trust you. I had to learn, though. So please understand that while it's hard to sit through, I won. I won, okay?"

He wiped at his eyes, clearing his throat as he re-took his place behind her, arms wrapped securely around her. She took a deep breath, bringing the boathouse up around them and letting the dream play.

They both watched the beginning in fascination, seeing their first touches, their first kisses. Mara's hands clenched on Duke's arm a moment before the angry voice, the hit, the choking. She swallowed hard, watching dream-Duke- watching William- hurt her. She refused to look away this time, watching her dream-self close her eyes as everything around them shifted.

Behind her, Duke was frozen in horror.

They watched dream-Mara and William talking, Mara's sneering derision. The words that still somehow stung, that they were pretending to love her to make her docile.

"Pay attention now, Duke. Watch my hands when I'm quoting Shakespeare. I don't know if it's like this for other people, but for me, melodies are like spells. I used the music of _Form_ here, just like I did to create Duo."

Duke jumped as the dogs flew, around and over them as they headed for William. The snarling and screaming made her smile vindictively. The vision faded, and they were silent for a long moment.

When he spoke, Duke's voice was rough, watery with tears.

"You didn't tell me it was this bad. Why didn't you tell me, Mara?"

"Because I knew it would hurt you. That you'd blame yourself for something that never actually happened. I knew it wasn't you, can't you understand that's what matters?"

"But.... I hurt you. I ra-"

"If you finish that sentence, Duke, I will _show_ you what dream pain feels like. _That. Wasn't. You._ You've never hurt me. That was William, not you. Trust me, I remember every moment of what actually happened that day. You never hurt me. But did you watch me form the dogs? That's the important part. Learning how to change the cards, do you see?"

She felt him nod where her back was pressed against him.

"The next one is easier, I promise. Do you want to get this done so we can make better memories?"

"Yeah, I do. Show me."

A flick of her fingers, and they were in the _Gull_ , watching Nathan threatening Mara.

Duke seemed better able to see through Nathan, and he started to relax, really listening. Seeing dream-Mara unafraid may have helped. He laughed a little as Mara's insult broke William's facade.

"When he hit himself, you moved. You're _screaming_. I thought the bond was broken."

"I was acting, Duke. The longer he thinks he can hurt me this way, the longer he'll stay out of range."

"Did.... did you just tell him you were in _The Simpson's_?"

"It was the first thing that came to mind."

His arms tightened again as William moved to kiss her, and when the giant spider appeared behind William, Duke jumped a little. They watched for a moment before the dream faded.

"So. That's what happened. Do you want to practice?"

"Yeah, I do."

She turned to face him, arms looped around his waist. "Let's get started, then. I'll start small."

Mara paced a few feet away, stretching her neck. A ping-pong ball appeared in her hand and she chucked it at Duke, hitting his head.

"What the hell was that for?"

She rolled her eyes. "You're on defense, think about how to counter my attack. Brute force won't win here." She threw another ball, hitting his chest. After the third ball, he manifested a racket, whapping them away.

"Good, Duke! See? You learn to manifest what you need."

They practiced for what seemed like hours, moving on to tennis balls, baseballs, darts... everything she could think of, until she was tired.

"That's enough for one night. I can't teach you everything in one day. But we do have an unusual advantage now. He thinks you're dead, but even when he realizes you're alive, he won't have any idea what you're capable of. Next time, I'll teach you how to go into someone else's dream. But... if you want, we can repair the memory of our first time together. If you want. It's just you and me. Even Audrey's asleep." She trailed her nails down his spine and he wrapped his arms around her.

"Duke, just please remember I did what I did that day because I loved you and wanted to save you. I wasn't using you, and I'm sorry for the things I said."

"I think I got that about 50 apologies ago, Mara."

She chuckled. "That bad, huh?"

"Sweetheart, I think you even blame yourself for global warming."

She pressed her face to his chest, laughing. "Actually, I don't. This planet has gone through several ice ages and warmings. I don't even think people have much to do with it at all. I mean, what do they think caused the last Great Thaw? Dinosaur farts? Or have they just not excavated the Dino SUV?"

"So, fixing the memory, huh?" He ran a hand through her hair.

"If you're interested." She was still wearing the dress, a flick of her fingers brought them back to the boathouse.

He kissed her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning in. As she felt her dress unzip, she shivered in delight.

Naked, he sat her on the table again and she brought her legs up, touching his back and kissing his neck. She licked at his pulse, occasionally running her fingers through his hair and tugging gently.

Same situation, but so different. Not having to hide the depth of her love, knowing that he was choosing to touch her- not just wishing she was Audrey- it was magic.

His fingers traveled up her bare legs and thighs, one hand curving around her hip as the other stroked her, fingers reaching inside her.

She panted, pressing kisses against his ear and neck, running her fingers up and down his spine. He pressed closer, until she felt him hard against her. She whined as he removed his fingers, but as she felt his head pressing against her she kissed his lips, pulling him closer. Her head rested on his shoulder as he entered her, and she was reminded of the Aether-bliss, her whole body- her whole soul- reaching for him.

No masks this time, no anger or mistrust. She wanted nothing but to be with him, and he wasn't wishing or imagining that she was Audrey. When he rocked forward, he rocked into Mara, heart and soul. Her eyes were tearing up, but she didn't care. This moment had changed everything, for everybody.

His long, beautiful fingers were rubbing her and she started to shake and clench, tightening her arms around his neck. She threw her head back and his teeth grazed the skin of her throat, making her constrict around him, gasping as she came.

He made a rough, wild sound, and he picked her up, lying them out on the floor. His lips closed around one nipple and she groaned, arching. There was no agenda, no Aether clinging to her hands as she pressed them against his skin, trying to pull him closer.

She'd once wistfully mentioned 'another time, another place'. This was that time. This was that place.

She raised her hips to meet his thrusts, moving with him. In that moment, he was all that existed- the universe packed tightly into one body. She clawed and scratched wildly, barely able to form words at all. But she was determined to change one thing.

Instead of saying 'It's okay, Duke', she murmured, "Duke, I love you" with all the intensity she could. She felt him shiver and his mouth met hers, stroking her hair with one hand, bracing himself with the other.

His movements became more frantic, thrusting into her in desperation. Her legs tightened around him, driving him deeper. She was drowning in him, trying to breathe. She was straining, her body tensing for something that Duke had been the first to give her- release.

She bucked against him, trying to drive him deeper as she tasted the sweat on his neck. The first time, he'd given her a child. This time she wanted his heart.

"Duke, Duke I love you. I love the darkness as much as the light. I _believe_ in you. I'll be yours forever. Never turn on you, never deny you, never ask more than you're willing to give. I'll do anything for you. Just be mine. Please!"

His gasping grunts, the vibration and sound of them tightened her more, and she was sure she was going to implode. "I...I... can't last. Duke, harder!"

She was already too close, and the next thrust made her explode, pulsing around him until he was shouting, too. Shouting _her_ name, like it was the most precious word in existence. They came together, partners. Each living and dying for the other. Mara felt the holes, the jagged scars in her heart and soul all being filled, patched with Duke's love.

They stayed locked together, silently studying each other's faces, memorizing them. She tilted her head up to lick his lips and she felt his shoulders shake as he pulled out, lying against her.

"Duke, what is it, love? Why tears?"

"You really mean it, don't you? You don't care about the rest. You love me the way I am. How?"

"Oh, Duke. Can't you see? I may have been around longer, but I was born for you. They just took their time perfecting you, so I was lost for awhile. I'm yours. I breathe for you. I live and die for you. Nothing can change that."

His sweet, shy smile was heartbreaking. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. In fact.... if you don't tell, or get all freaked out, I'll tell you a secret."

He pushed up one elbow, staring down at her. "Tell me."

"Promise you won't freak out?"

"I can't imagine what you could say that would freak me out after everything we've been through."

Mara blushed brightly, but finally said, "I have no surname here. I sometimes pretend that you marry me and make me a Crocker."

His breathing stopped and she went pale, afraid. Stammering with nerves, she continued, "No, don't worry, please. I'm not going to do anything, Audrey doesn't even know. I'm not suggesting... I'm not asking... I, I know my place." She finished on a whisper, looking away.

Gods, would she _ever_ learn what was okay to say out loud? She felt foolish- clingy and weak and demanding. All this time with humans was making her soft and stupid. She couldn't deal with it. She started to bite the inside of her lip, to let the pain give her some distance, when Duke's lips crashed down on hers, making her gasp in surprise.

He kissed her insistently, almost desperately, muttering, "Do you mean that?" between kisses.

She was so, so confused.

"I... I don't know the right answer. I don't want you to be mad at me."

He glared at her, but punctuated each word with a kiss. "Did. You. Mean. It? Truth."

She was still befuddled, but 'truth' she could manage. Barely. "Yes."

Duke jumped up from the floor, pulling her up with him. She stood naked in front of him, cheeks still pink, staring at the floor.

"Do you want me to go for now? You can't exactly walk out of your own dream, Duke."

"Walk out? Are you out of your mind? This is... this is the happiest I've felt, maybe ever. And there's been a lot of happiness lately, beautiful."

She finally looked at his face, her brow furrowed in bemusement.

Duke was _smiling_.

More than smiling, his grin lit up the whole room. She could get lost in that smile.

"Mara, is marriage a spiritual institution or a legal one?"

"Both, but mostly spiritual. Why? Duke, I'm confused."

"I'd get dressed, but we seem to communicate better without barriers. Marry me, Mara."

It was her turn to stop breathing, gazing at him in shock.

"I don't understand, Duke."

"Spiritual, Mara. It's spiritual. So marry me. You and me... we conceived this baby together. Let me marry you before the baby is born. It doesn't have to be a legal ceremony, but that doesn't make it less real. It makes it more real."

"What about Audrey and Nathan?"

"We've both said that there was a part of just us that belonged to each other. Let this be that part. They'll understand. We can even have a separate ceremony with all four of us if they want that, but just for us- you and me- marry me. Come on, Mara, don't leave me hanging."

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything." He put on his most serious expression, his eyes burning with sincerity. "Mara, I'm asking you, of my own free will- Will you marry me?"

Her voice sounded breathy, like a whisper; all bravado gone as she said the only thing she could, the only thing she wanted to.

"Yes, I'll marry you."

He grabbed her around the waist, spinning her in circles as he whooped loudly. "No backing out now, Mara. You're mine forever."

She laughed against his shoulder. "I already told you that."

"But now it's official. You'll be Mara Crocker, my wife."

"You poor man."

"Hush, you."

"I'm already barefoot and pregnant." Mara chuckled.

His smile only got wider. "Best dream ever."

"Well, if you still want to when you're awake, let me know. If you wake up thinking 'Oh dear gods, what have I done', we'll just pretend you never said anything. I don't want to be a regret anymore."

"Keep dreaming Mara. You're stuck with me now."

The boathouse could never be a bad memory again.


	37. For The Love Of A Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Song for this chapter is Heaven Help My Heart from the musical 'Chess'.

When they woke the next morning, they didn't even open their eyes.

_'Audrey?'_

_'Coffee.'_

_'You know he'll just make you drink tea anyway. I want to talk about something.'_

_'Go for it.'_

_'This might not even be an issue once everyone is up, but if he hasn't changed his mind... well, Duke asked me to marry him. Nothing legal, nothing that'll screw things up for you. More like the handfastings we have where I come from. It doesn't take anything away from you or Nathan, I swear. And he could easily change his mind anyway. Please don't be mad or anything.'_

Wow. Things really had changed. Mara was truly worried about Audrey being mad at her. When the hell had that happened?

_'Why would I? We each have separate connections to each other and as a whole. You and Duke deserve to honor that. Are you happy?'_

_'Mostly just scared he'll change his mind. I wouldn't blame him. I won't blame him. He was in dream-state, so... things happen. But, you know, I was thinking about the three of you, and though this world hasn't quite grasped the concept, where I come from, it's not... I don't know... illegal or wrong to have a multiple-partner marriage. You could marry Nathan and Duke, and though the government won't recognize it, it's still real. You have that option.'_

_'Marriage. Not really something I've considered, like... ever. I wasn't the little girl dreaming of poofy dresses and flowers.'_

Mara snickered. _'You could wear a beige shirt and sensible shoes.'_

_'You're funny. Usually you take longer to get moving in the morning.'_

_'But we're not moving, Audrey.'_

_'Oh god, now you're using Duke-logic.'_

_'Oh. I guess I am. Weird. Did you sleep okay?'_

_'Yup. No William visits. He must really hate spiders.'_

_'He can't mess with my dreams if I'm not in our head. Wait...'_

_'Wait? What?'_

_'We share a body, but our spirits are still separate. There has to be a way to use that.'_

_'We can think about it. After coffee.'_

_'They're going to push tea. You know this.'_

_'But you did say that things don't cross the placental barrier in our body, right?'_

_'That's true, but you've never been pregnant before. Trust me, coffee is not a good idea until we can go a week without passing out or throwing up. They'll be peeling us off the walls, seriously.'_

_'Fine, fine. Tea. But I really, really miss coffee.'_

_'We should check on Duo.'_

_'He's basically half-Nathan, half-Duke. They're both self-sufficient. I'm not worried.'_

_'You should listen to yourself sometime. It's funny. Yes, he's basically half-Nathan and half-Duke. Do you realize the trouble he could get into?'_

_'Oh, good point.'_

They were about to open their eyes when lips pressed softly against theirs.

"You know, you get a different look on your face when you two are talking."

Their arms went around Nathan, humming contentedly as they kissed him back.

"Is Duke still asleep?"

Nathan mumbled an affirmation against their lips.

"We have to go check on Duo."

Nathan kept his lips an inch from theirs as he spoke, looking thoughtful.

"There's something so familiar about him. Aside from looking and acting like Duke. He doesn't have Duke's memories, does he?"

The girls snickered quietly.

_'You want to answer the man, or should I?'_

_'I'll do it, Audrey. Sorry for driving so much lately.'_

_'You don't drive more than half the time, Mara. It's not like I'm out of the loop, I can talk whenever I want to.'_

They blinked, and Mara was looking up at Nathan.

"No, he doesn't have Duke's memories. He, uh... he has _yours_. I swear I didn't plan it, didn't even realize until you were almost asleep. Duo was formed from the Hansen Orb. The Aether we removed from you. I'm sorry, I honestly wasn't keeping track. We've collected so much Aether from the Troubled, I just have boxes and pouches everywhere, and I was sick and distracted when I formed him."

"Why does he look like Duke, then?"

She pressed her lips together, trying not to smile. "He told me it's because Duke is your strongest memory."

Nathan flushed crimson. "So he remembers..."

"Everything. Yeah. But don't get all shy. He's not going to run around spouting your deepest secrets. Think of him as... well, I guess the closest comparison would be if you and Duke had a kid."

Nathan flopped down on his back, rubbing his face. "I'm going to hell."

Mara grinned. "Nope. Quasi-immortal. No hell for you."

"Who's going to hell, now?" Duke mumbled sleepily.

Mara's breath caught, full of dread and anxiety. He was going to change his mind, she just knew it.

"Uh, right, I didn't get a chance to tell you, either. Duo is made of the Aether removed from Nathan. I think that's why he's different, and why he cares about you both so much. He looks like you, but he's been with Nathan forever. I likened it to you and Nathan having a child."

Duke's mouth moved silently as he processed, like a fish without water.

Mara rolled her eyes, crawling out of bed and putting on soft leggings and a long-sleeved shirt. She ran her good hand through her hair, giving up with a muttered "Fuck it".

"You two kiss it out. I need to check on him." She blew them a kiss from the door, rushing through it.

She went to the guest room, opening it when her knock went unanswered. She couldn't see him anywhere.

"Duo?"

He appeared next to her, making her jump.

"Dear gods, you scared the hell out of me! Where were you?"

"Early morning mission. Hey, did you know this whole ship is coated in Aether?"

She laughed as she responded, "How did you think I overdosed so badly? It's the one place we're safe. Hell, even regular people can't touch it unless I mark them."

"But did you know I can do _this_?" He held up a finger, grinning as he backed up into the wall, melting into the surrounding Aether.

"I didn't, but it makes sense. Sometimes it's easy to forget you're an Aetherling."

"Aw, but Mara, I want to be a _real_ boy!" Duo sidled up to her dramatically, all puppy dog eyes and exaggerated pout, resting his cheek down against her shoulder.

She pushed him playfully. "You're as real as I am, goof. Except I can't melt into the boat. Hey, promise not to use that to scare Duke and Nathan."

"I promise not to try and scare them on _purpose_ , but I'd like to reserve the right to travel through like this, and if they happen to get spooked like big sissies, I'm innocent. Like when someone approaches the ship. Fair?"

She tried to glare, but her smile ruined it. "Just not while they're in the bathroom or bedroom, unless it's urgent. Otherwise, you're free, Duo. I meant it, you're not a slave or a servant. You're a family member. Do you understand? Do you trust me?"

"Mara, I trust you with my life."

His gaze was so adoring it made her smile, reaching out to hug him. Ember stretched at the same moment, and Duo jerked back in surprise, keeping his hands on her arms.

"Either something moved inside you or you're _disturbingly_ happy to see me."

Mara laughed aloud, Audrey joining in, giving their voice the strange ringing sound that happened when they both used it at once. She took one of Duo's hands from her arm, pressing it to her belly. Ember kicked at the touch.

"I'm like a Russian nesting doll. I'm inside Audrey, the baby- we call the baby 'Ember'- is inside us. I know you missed some time while you were dormant, but you know I'm pregnant."

"Well yeah, but there was no _moving_ last time I was active! Wow, that kid is energetic."

"You haven't seen the half of it. In a few weeks, you'll be able to see the movement under my skin. Hey... can you tell from the Aether in the baby if they'll be able to use Duke's ability _and_ mine? Giving and taking gifts?"

He stared at her stomach, head tilted like he was listening.

"I can tell you a lot of things. Gender, ability, hair and eye color..."

"We don't want to know the gender. We want to be surprised."

"But you're not afraid of spoilers regarding _ability_?"

"Duo, quit teasing. Will the gift manifest?"

He smiled, rubbing her belly gently. "Yeah, Mara. This kid has so much Aether in their system that both abilities should become active pretty easily. Can I help teach h.... _Ember_ how to use the abilities?"

She was repressing tears again as she answered.

"Yes, we would love that. Thank you. I'm glad you're here."

He kissed Mara on the cheek. "Unless you need me, I'm going to sweep the docks, okay?"

"Go, have fun. We're safe in here. Try not to break any hearts, okay?"

She turned for the door as Duo melted into the _Rouge_. Boys and their shortcuts.

_'I really like him, Mara.'_

_'So do I. I hope he decides to stay permanently. He's like... the crazy uncle and protective big brother all in one.'_

_'You need to face Duke. You're freaking yourself out. Come on, you can do this.'_

_'Of course I can face him, I just wonder how long I'll be too humiliated to come out afterward.'_

_'You're only assuming he changed his mind.'_

_'Audrey, he wasn't in a fit emotional state when he asked. I'd shown him all the William-dreams. He felt guilty.'_

_'If you're so sure, let's make a wager.'_

_'For what?'_

_'If he changed his mind, you can... pick all our new clothes.'_

_'And if he hasn't?'_

_'What do you want, Mara?'_

_'If... if he still wants to, I want to mark our body.'_

_'A tattoo?'_

_'Kind of, but not with needles. Aether is enough. And I'll put it somewhere clothes cover.'_

_'Deal. Let's go. Can't stall all day.'_

Mara made a frustrated sound, stomping her foot. She headed back to the bedroom, trying not to look anxious.

Nathan and Duke each had an arm around the other; they looked happy and peaceful. Good, they must have talked.

Mara sat on the bed against Duke's legs.

"Good morning, Duke. How did you... uh... sleep?"

Smooth. Really smooth. Maybe Audrey was right. Coffee couldn't make them any more awkward than they already were.

"I was just telling Nathan what a great night I had. Oh, by the way, I have something for you."

Mara glanced at him quizzically, noticing his fisted right hand. "What is it?"

"Close your eyes and hold out your hands, Mara."

Curious, she shut her eyes and held her hands out, palms up. She felt Duke move, turning her left hand and sliding a ring onto her finger. Her eyes snapped open in wonder.

Nestled on her finger, there was a _beautiful_ ring- obviously made of Aether, but it looked like it had been polished, black gleaming like the sea under moonlight. More, though- the pattern, the diamond-shaped symbols- it matched Mara's family ring, gleaming black instead of gold. The shape and design were identical, but each of the four diamond-shapes held stones of different colors. Sapphire, ruby, opal and what must have been hematite, because it matched Duke's Aether-eyes. The colors of her Guardians.

"But... how?"

"You told me to ask you in the morning. Duo helped me out. So now that it's morning and I have a ring to give you, I'll ask again. Mara, will you marry me?"

Nathan was smiling next to him, no unease in his eyes.

"I... yes. Of course I will. I..."

She jumped on Duke, hugging him with her whole body as Nathan stroked her back. She couldn't keep the tears in her eyes, she was sobbing as she looked between the two men.

"How? When? You were asleep when I got up! And the _design_."

"I was on a schedule, Mara. I got up for awhile, talked to Nate, talked to Duo... Duo really did the work, but Nathan gave him the ring to copy. I know it's important to your family, but we're also our own family, so I wanted it to be different."

"It's perfect, Duke. It's perfect. Nathan, are you-"

"I talked to Duke, Mara. I get it. We're all tied together in different ways. It made perfect sense to me. Long as you've got room in your heart- and on your fingers- for the rest of us, I'm all for it."

She was officially a weeping mess as she reached to hug Nathan as well.

"Thank you, Nathan. Audrey said the same thing, but I thought, I thought..."

"That's the problem, beautiful. You think too much. Don't overthink this. it's the right thing to do. And it's what I want. I told you I wouldn't change my mind."

She sat sideways in Duke's lap, holding one of Nathan's hands in her injured right, his fingers carefully avoiding the stitched flesh as she got herself under control. Her voice was quiet as she spoke to all of them, wiping her eyes with her left sleeve.

"Sometimes I think I'm dreaming, or still dead. That I'll open my eyes and be chained up in the hold, or worse; that I'll be _loose_ \- angry and afraid and dangerous. Or that I'll wake up again squished and silenced under Audrey's personality. I'm afraid that I haven't changed, that I'm still vicious and murderous. _Evil_. That you'll look at me with that same disgust. That the last person who touched me was William. Gods, some days it feels like I'm afraid of _everything_."

Once she started talking, it was like a dam burst, carefully guarded secrets spilling out of her mouth like water. She could feel them all listening; feel the men's gentle touches and Audrey's quiet support.

"People are afraid of me. I'm the boogeyman under the bed, just lying in wait to slap some horrific Trouble on them. I don't want to be awful, I _don't_. I want them to like me the way they did before William came the first time. But that will never happen. They can love Audrey, but I can't ever just apologize, because they can't know I even _exist_."

It was a strange, burning pain; the sudden realization that had been too obvious to see. That when Mara was first shoved into that Barn, her own life on this world _ended_. That she had been less than a ghost, not even a memory. That the people and town that she loved were gone for her, that she'd been taken from them. That the young Mara who ran away to have her baby in a lighthouse, the innocent, loving mother who doted on her son as her father had doted on her- was dead. That she died unmourned and since her partial resurrection, hadn't even had a chance to grieve for that girl.

"It's not even that I want to be separate, because I _don't_ \- I don't trust myself anymore. Not enough to be off the leash. I just want the chance to personally apologize. Not just pretend I'm Audrey quoting from some hidden journal that explains the history of the Troubles.

"There's so much blood on my hands, it'll never come clean. And I forced other people to do it for me, too."

She took a long breath before she continued.

"I want to make amends, but I don't know how. Even in Haven, only the people who really know us would ever believe there's two of us in here. It's like I wish we could split just long enough to stand next to her, show them we're different people, apologize and go back in. Let them know that Audrey should be celebrated, but that I'm sorry and I wish I'd never hurt anyone else. William couldn't have damaged those gifts if I hadn't given them in the first place. I _really_ hate that Audrey has to deal with the distrust of people who've noticed I keep coming back. She deserves their trust."

She leaned her chin against her chest, running a finger in circles against her belly, watching her ring sparkle against her- _their_ \- skin.

"Wow, sorry. Hormones. Sometimes pregnancy makes you shift emotions without a clutch. I'm really happy, I am. I guess I just want to make others happy. To feel _worthy_ of the feeling. I want to be better."

Still holding her right hand, Nathan put his left under her chin, pulling her face up to look at him.

"You already are, Mara." He kissed her gently, moving his fingers up to stroke her cheek.

She cocked her head at him, a question in her eyes.

"Look at us. Before you, we were all lying and keeping secrets, _all of us_. You forced them out so we had to face them. Made us better. Made us a family."

"You made Nate admit he loved me." Duke nodded.

"You got Duke to like pancakes."

"Oh man, that sounds _good_. We should have Mara's pancakes when she's done with apology number three hundred twenty seven."

A startled laugh broke through her lips and she could feel her cheeks turn red. "Knock it off, you just made me use my one hormone excuse for the day and it's not even noon yet! I'm sure one of those booklets Audrey made you read warned you about mood swings."

Duke had opened his mouth to retort when Duo's voice echoed from the walls around them.

"Doorbell!"

"We don't even _have_ a doorbell!" Duke exclaimed.

"You do since Mara said people can't touch the boat. Bogey incoming, want me to stop her at the dock?"

They looked at each other in confusion.

"Who is it, Duo?"

"Gloria."

"Oh hell. Stop her, Duo, I'll be right there."

Mara quickly kissed both men, pulling herself up.

"You guys get dressed. We have to let her in. I'll meet you out there."

_'I think we just waddled a little.'_

_'Shut up, that was not a waddle. The bed is just a little low and our center of gravity is shifting. You'll understand waddling by eight months.'_

She stretched her back as she walked to the door and onto the deck, just barely beating Duo to Gloria.

"Hi, Gloria! Duke's... on his way up, right now."

Gloria was already giving her a suspicious look, her eyes narrowed and a slight frown around her mouth.

"I thought I'd find you here. But only _after_ I followed crime scene cleanup into your apartment and then checked _Nathan's_ house. And after talking to Vince."

_'Son of a bitch!'_

_'Mara, we knew we'd have to talk to her soon.'_

_'But we don't know what he said to her! If our stories don't match, this woman will rain hell on us. He should have warned us!'_

Duo leaned in, whispering, "Your phone."

Mara sighed, taking the cell from him. "Hi."

"Gloria was here, she's-"

"Here now. You got distracted, didn't you?"

"I'm sorry, we were in the middle of an argument and Dave- well nevermind that- what are you going to tell her?"

Mara and Gloria were still staring at each other, and she only had one way not to screw herself.

"The truth."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because this story had grown beyond my original expectations, I'm going to be turning it into a series. We'll continue in an episodic fashion from the end of Syzygy.


	38. My Land's Only Borders Lie Around My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not mine, but I'm not going anywhere.
> 
> Song for this chapter is 'Anthem' from the musical "Chess".

Mara hung up, still meeting Gloria's eyes.

"We can talk inside, but I have to mark you first."

"What kind of mark?" Gloria's voice was deeply distrustful.

"It won't show, it's so you can safely touch the boat. Once you're marked, you can come and go as you please. Can I touch your neck?"

"Fine. Go on."

Mara pressed her hand to the older woman's neck, welcoming her. Gloria didn't even blink as the light flashed.

Mara turned to lead her in but Gloria stopped her, grabbing her arm at the doorway.

"I want to talk to you first. You're supposed to be dating Nathan, but you're _here_. You can't do this to Duke. That boy has suffered enough for a dozen lifetimes, and he'll never be able to move on and be happy if you keep stringing him along. And what about Nathan? How can you fool around with Duke while you're pregnant by Nathan?"

Mara tilted her head, eyeing the doctor curiously.

_'Huh. I should have seen that one coming.'_

_'I was expecting to deal with judgemental people, but I didn't think they'd assume we were cheating on Nathan!'_

_'Gods, what the hell did Vince tell her?'_

"Gloria, I don't know what you've heard, but I'm certain you know Duke was sleeping with Nathan years before I came along. Honestly, you should see what they're doing in there! I'm the wounded party in this. I came out to greet you without them because they're _naked_. They'll expect me to cook them breakfast when they're done fornicating like rabbits on methamphetamines."

Gloria studied her with an appraising eye. "So you're Mara."

Mara kept a level gaze, trying not to show her surprise. "I am."

"Are you being good to them?"

"I'm doing my best. You'll have to ask them if I pass muster."

"Are they being good to each other?"

"They are."

"Are they being good to you?"

Mara smiled softly. "Very."

"And Audrey?"

A slight shift, and Audrey said, "Right here."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm great. They're great. Please, ask them yourselves."

Gloria finally grinned, and they relaxed a little.

"Am I going to get an eyeful if I go in there?"

"If you're lucky."

They chuckled as they entered the _Rouge_ , and Duo followed, leaning in to whisper, "That was so awesome!" in their ear.

_'How did you know to handle her?'_

_'I've learned a lot about manipulation in my time, Audrey. There's a famous quote- "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit." You say something strange enough to throw them off-balance, it usually gives you a glimpse of what their real game is.'_

_'I really prefer being on your team.'_

Mara was startled into laughing out loud as they joined the boys in the living room. They were dressed, not even sitting next to each other. Trying to look innocent.

"Sorry guys, Gloria busted me for cheating on Nathan with Duke. I sold you out immediately. People can call me a lot... lot... _lot_ of things, but adulterous isn't one of them." Mara sat next to Duke, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "Audrey wants coffee, by the way. I suggest you give it to her."

Nathan and Duke both gaped in embarrassment.

"Right, coffee! Nate, Gloria, can I get you some coffee while I'm making Audrey's? I'll be right back." He was already out the door before anyone could speak, leaving Nathan stuck looking at Gloria like a deer in headlights.

Mara smirked.

Gloria shook her head, amused. "Oh, don't worry. I'm not _that_ old. I always thought you were so cute together. If you got that back, I'm glad. Just be good to my boy. No more fighting, you hear?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Nathan muttered, his entire face red.

Gloria turned back to Mara.

"So, now that we're acquainted, are you all going to tell me what the hell's going on?"

"Which part?" Mara sighed.

"All of it, but especially _him_." She pointed at Duo, who went all wide-eyed and innocent.

"I'm gonna go help Duke with the coffee, Mara. He only has two hands. Besides, I already know where babies come from."

And Duo ran just as fast as Duke.

Mara looked at Nathan, muttering, "I blame you for that." before she turned back to Gloria.

"Duo is a member of this family. He's made from the same stuff the Troubles are. Aether. He looks and acts a bit like Duke, but he's not a clone or a robot. He has the same emotions as any of us. He's been helping us keep things safe."

"And what about you? I thought you were supposed to be the bad guy in all of this."

Duke and Duo had just walked in, and Mara made room so Audrey could enjoy her coffee while everyone talked. She took a long sip as the three boys froze at Gloria's words

"I am." Mara finally replied.

"That's not true." Nathan said firmly.

"It's absolutely true. William couldn't have altered the gifts if I hadn't given them in the first place. And I did terrible things. If you want to know why I did them, I'll tell you. But I'm not going to bother if you just want someone to blame. I'll take the blame." They sipped again, Mara's stomach a tight ball of unease.

"I think I like you. No crap, straight to the point. We're none of us angels. I'd like to know, if you don't mind."

_'Now she's asking? I'm going to murder Vince. She's playing us, he told her- probably almost everything.'_

_'What do we do? Thanks for helping with the coffee, by the way.'_

_'You deserve your coffee. But her? I don't like being toyed with. I get enough of that from William. She's used to getting her way, like Vince. I don't like it.'_

"Well, I could go over the entire story, but it'd save time if you stop playing games and just tell us what parts you don't know. I'm well aware you know more than you're pretending."

Gloria smiled. "You're a smart one. All Vince told me was that you're some magic alien who lives in Audrey's body and that you're trying to protect the town. Wouldn't even tell me why he and Dave look like young bucks."

Mara sighed, trying to get comfortable as Ember rolled over.

"I'm not a magic alien, for one. I'm from a different dimension, not a different planet. I'm different because of my genetics, not because of magic. I got very sick when I was a child, almost died. The medication that saved me enhanced the abilities I was born with, made it so I could use Aether."

"That's the stuff you said the Troubles are made of?"

"Yes. It's bonded to me at a genetic level, so it recognizes me, allows me to direct it. I came here to escape an abusive... spouse." Mara grimaced in distaste.

"In your years I was 12 or 13, I was pregnant and afraid, and I came here to help people. The man I ran from followed me and created the Troubles. He murdered my son and my best friend. When I asked for help, my mother didn't believe me, and she created the Barn as a punishment. You know how that worked."

She was starting to feel jittery, and her stomach burned. Stupid coffee.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Nobody should have to outlive their child."

"You want to see him?" Mara hadn't had photographs, she'd never gotten to show off her baby, her pride and joy.

"Sure, I'd love to."

"Don't freak out, this is no different than Vince or Dave's." She let the maze flare, wondering if she should just let it stay visible. Who was she hiding from, really?

She touched Alec's star, and brought up a video of him as a baby, Mara kissing his cheek as he grinned a drooly baby grin. She flipped through images; Alec playing with a wooden ship, trying to bite into an orange with the peel still on, dancing, standing on a chair to help stir as he wore Mara's apron. Playing with Jacob, Mara on the floor in front of them.

"I'll be damned if that doesn't look like Dwight."

"His ancestor, Jacob. He was my best friend."

Mara sat back, letting the images fade. "Also, though it's not an issue, technically Audrey lives in my body. She's been kind enough to give me equal time."

"What's it like, sharing a body?"

Mara thought for a long moment. "It's... comforting. Never being alone. Having a friend to talk to, to rely on. She helps keep me grounded. She makes me happy."

"And you made the Guard symbol that's hanging in the sky?"

"Yes and no. I called for it, when I was panicked. But I'm not the one fueling it now, and I can't make it go away."

Gloria looked confused. "Then who's controlling it?"

Mara took a deep breath. "The baby is."

"The baby? The one you're carrying? How? Why?"

Humans were exhausting. She already wanted to go back to sleep.

"Because the baby is advanced. Intelligent. Knows how to use their ability, in some ways. Baby got scared, worried that I wasn't calling for help, decided that having the Maze standing would be the best way to call for volunteers."

"Is it normal for babies to be like that where you come from?"

"Some children are born with certain abilities. The ability to control weather, for instance, I was born with. There are many, many kinds of abilities. But it's not normal to manifest this strongly before birth. It's Duke's side that's making Ember so strong."

"Oh Kitten, you're the Daddy? I assumed it was Nathan because of the timing. How long have you three been together?"

"Four, Gloria." Mara interrupted. "There are four of us. And _I_ got pregnant before Audrey and I were recombined. The baby carried across with the rest of the body."

She stretched her neck, trying to calm down as she made her voice less sharp. "Not to detract from Audrey and Nathan, of course. Ember has two daddies."

_'Sorry Audrey, I didn't mean to sound so possessive and bitchy. You know you're this baby's mother as much as me. It's just... I don't know, the "bad guy" thing and the games and the "magic alien" garbage, it just felt like she thinks I'm some... demon you summoned to do your bidding. Like I'm a tool or a toy.'_

_'Relax, Mara. I know what you meant. Gloria can be difficult, and I think you're probably overtired and we're supposed to be celebrating your engagement. You know what we should do? Leave her with the boys and go take a bath. You know that will make you feel better.'_

_'Yeah, it really, really would.'_

"If you'll excuse me, I'm not feeling very well. I'm sure the boys or Vince can tell you anything you want to know." She stood, shifting so she wouldn't walk funny. As she passed Duo, she ruffled his hair.

She hit the bedroom first, grabbing clean clothes from the closet. Duke had very thoughtfully washed all her clothes, making a point to hang them up right next to his in the closet. She couldn't help but love him just a little bit more than she already had.

She went into the bathroom, running herself a hot bath. She even found a bottle of bubblebath that smelled just like Duke's soap. She did a little dance as she poured it in, watching it foam under the running water. As the room filled with steam, she flicked off the light and carefully climbed into the tub. She closed her eyes, immersing herself in the hot water that smelled like love to her.

Mara relaxed, carefully stretching her mind, making glowing stars fill the air above her one by one. Blue and silver with the occasional red, all around; the stars lit the small room for her and some of her tension eased as she let her abilities flow.

She started playing with the Aether within her, using it to mark her body in different ways, testing each image out before letting it fade. Nothing seemed right. She wanted something that clearly tied her to Duke, but didn't want to just slap his name on her and be done with it. It needed careful consideration.

Playing with a handful of bubbles, Mara looked at her hand, the puckered sutures made her remember the cast, and the cast made her remember Duke's flowers. The same lovely flowers that decorated the tattoo on the inside of his arm. Mara considered for several long moments, and in her own, almost forgotten calligraphy, Aether etched, "I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love" spread out on the inside of her upper left arm, several of Duke's flowers in and around it. She smiled happily.

She couldn't wait to show Duke.

As she was admiring her new tattoo, a stray bit of starlight made her ring flicker. Curious, Mara drew a star closer, holding her ring up, twisting and turning until the light hit it just right, small letters appearing around the band. She felt her heart twist and her chest tightened.

Under starlight, it said "Crocker".

Mara reached for Duke with her mind, whispering, "Duke, please come here."

A moment later, the door opened and she heard his startled breath.

"You heard me!"

"I did. I was so confused for a minute, but... I heard you. That's amazing. Can you teach me?"

"Yup. I owe you, after all."

He came to sit on the edge of the tub. "What for, sweetheart?"

"You taught me how to love."

She glanced up, suddenly shy. "Can I show you something? If you don't like it, tell me, okay?"

"You're naked in a bubble bath. I very much doubt there's anything in there I won't like."

She held up her arm, twisting a little so he could see.

He caught his breath, reaching to run a finger over the words. "How?"

"Aether. Audrey promised me I could mark our body if you decided you still wanted to marry me."

His voice was heavy with tears as he said, "Mara, I love it. It's beautiful. It's so _you_."

She laughed loudly. "Actually, it's Mother Teresa's quote. But the irony is not lost on me."

Duke laughed with her, and the stress eased from her stomach. "Can you stay and talk, or do you have to save Nathan from Gloria?"

"Huh. Hang out and talk to you while you take a bath, or recreate the Spanish Inquisition with Gloria... tough choice."

She flicked bubbles at him. "Actually, I want to talk about the baby."

He settled on the floor next to the tub, facing her so he could hold her hand. "What's up?"

"I want to have the baby here. At home."

"Won't you want an epidural? Especially with the Hypersensitivity?"

"I didn't have one with Alec or James. No, I want to be safe at home, with just us. Between you and I we can handle anything that could come up, you know that."

"Mara, if that's what you want, that's what we'll do. How's Audrey feel about it?"

"She understands. She trusts us. Nathan might get a little prickly about the whole 'no midwife' bit, but I'm sure we can calm him down. Or we can just wait until we're in labor and refuse to leave home."

"I'm in, totally. This is the safest place in the whole town. You went to a lot of trouble making it. Makes sense to use it." He smiled as he thought about it. "I'd like to be the one who helps you bring our baby into the world. "

Mara moved quickly to hug him, getting him all wet and soapy. She laughed at him as he growled.

"I have a present for everyone tonight. A surprise. Even Audrey doesn't know. I can't _wait_ for tonight."

Duke pulled off his wet shirt. "You got room in there for one more?"

"For you? Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't remember ever seeing Duke's bathroom, but I know boats can be retrofitted with bathtubs. So he damn well has a bathtub, too.


	39. Dream a Little Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not mine.  
> Song for this chapter is 'Dream a Little Dream of Me'.

They'd gotten through the rest of the day in relative peace once Gloria left, and Mara made sure everyone fell asleep before she did. She hadn't even let Audrey get a glimpse of her thoughts. She was going to give them all a gift tonight.

She cuddled up comfortably, reaching for Duke's mind. The cord was easier to find this time, and she pushed herself in.

"Duke? Come out, it's time to practice."

He spoke behind her and she spun; he was lucid, perfectly at ease. "What are we learning tonight, boss?"

She smiled as she leaned up to kiss his lips. "Tonight I'm teaching you how to get into other people's dreams. Mostly, just stick with me and watch carefully. We're going to see Nathan, alright?"

"Sounds good. I wonder what it'll be like."

"After seeing your dreams, I can't imagine it'll be any crazier. I need to link our minds together so you can see and feel what I do, It will help you learn, okay?"

"Sure, go ahead."

She wrapped her arms around him, giving him a sweet kiss and she pulled them away, feeling for the cord to Nathan's mind. When she found it- all smooth and red- she made Duke stop to touch it, to get used to the feel off it.

"His is a different color than yours. Most people's are, really. Yours is jade and black, his is red. Now we follow the line until we find the opening and we push ourselves through, okay? Follow me."

She slid them, Duke's energy connected to her like a cosmic piggy-back ride, up and along the silky red passage, finally managing to boost them inside. So far, so good.

It was very dark at first, and Mara held Duke's hand, whispering up at him.

"Be quiet and don't do anything just yet. We need to watch, to see how he responds so we don't shock him awake. It's not fun being shunted out of a dream unprepared. So calm and quiet until I can find him, got it?"

Duke nodded.

They walked carefully in the darkness. After a few minutes, flickers of silver appeared, looking almost like snowflakes. They came faster, collecting and piling up until they became an image of their own. Mara hadn't actually seen someone who dreamed in black-and-white before, though she'd read plenty of things that said most people dreamed in monochrome. That hadn't been her experience.

They stared in fascination as the images formed. A woman, a beautiful brunette, was crying, huddling in a corner with her arms raised to protect her head. From the spatial difference, Mara guessed that they were very low to the ground. She understood almost immediately- they weren't in a regular dream- this was a repressed memory. A memory from Nathan's childhood.

Nathan's perspective told her everything when another figure entered the room. He looked _huge_ from tiny Nathan's perspective, and the repressed memories affected the way he appeared. This man was more than frightening- he looked evil, his face twisted and asymmetrical, clubs where his hands should be. He was a monster out of a movie.

The man, who Mara knew must be Max Hansen, screamed obscenities that sounded garbled- Nathan's speech functions had been limited at this point in childhood, and fear made it worse. She felt around cautiously, trying to see if she could get a better read on the situation.

 _Oh, Nathan_. Her heart constricted. She could touch enough to read the memories that Duo had hidden from Nathan. They were so much worse than she could have expected. Nathan hadn't spoken until he was almost 4 years old, his young mind too traumatized by the horror that had been his life. Mara touched on worse memories, abuses that no child should have to suffer, and she was certain that as much as she was trying to be a good person, if Max Hansen had still been alive, she would have hunted him down and killed him the minute she woke up. Tortured him, too. And she'd never feel a moment's guilt.

"I can't make him watch this. We're going to fix it. The dreams can't hurt you. You go after Hansen, throw him out the window. I'll take care of Nathan. I have to get him lucid, so he'll take on his true age again. Go!"

She ran for Nathan, scooping him up in her arms. He was so very small and thin, and he was shaking, but he wasn't crying. He was afraid to cry, she understood. Afraid to show any emotion, even as a tiny toddler. Every emotion had been punished, Max's sick way of trying to make Nathan a "man".

"Shh, Nathan. Look, Duke is here, he's sending the bad man away. You'll never be alone again, we'll protect you always. Nathan, honey, look at me."

His wide, crystal eyes- Gods he'd been a beautiful baby- met hers, and she saw the recognition spark. She knelt, still holding him, and as Duke rejoined them from taking out the trash, Nathan wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair as he grew, finally attaining his real size and shape. Mara flicked her fingers, taking away the horrible grey landscape and calling up the warm, safe, colorized ship instead. The _Rouge_ was their sanctuary, and she wanted Nathan to feel safe.

He was shuddering in her arms, gripping her tightly. She kissed his head, letting him squeeze as hard as he wanted to.

"What was that?" Nathan finally asked.

"Honey, do you know who I am?"

He looked at her face. "Mara."

"Okay. Yes. It's a nightmare, Nathan. Have you had it a lot?"

"No, not a lot. A few times since you cured me, that's all."

Since Duo had vacated. Of course. Duo knew what to hide from Nathan, but not the Aether that made him a guardian. Mara called her own Aether to link with Nathan's, giving it the instructions that Duo had originally set.

"It's okay, Nathan. It won't come back now."

"But what was it?"

"Just an old, bad memory that you were too young to assimilate. It's long over, and you don't need to think about it."

Nathan looked around, confused. "Why are we in the living room? Was I sleepwalking?"

"No, Nathan. You're safe in bed. You're in dream-state now. Remember that I was teaching Duke how to travel in dreams? We're in your dream."

"I'm dreaming. So are you real? Am I dreaming you?"

Mara laughed softly. "We are real. You're not quite that creative. Want me to show you?"

Nathan nodded.

They were still cuddled up on the floor, Duke's arms around them from behind. Mara thought for a moment, flicked, and they were in a lush green park, surrounded by cherry trees in bloom.

Nathan stood, holding her hand, and they stood with him. "You can touch it, Nathan. It feels real. Matter is easily manipulated here, but it's still matter."

Nathan approached a tree, reaching out hesitantly to pluck a blossom. He sniffed it, looking delighted.

"This is so cool!" He turned, tucking the blossom into Mara's hair. She blushed and giggled, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

She reached out for Duke's hand, squeezing gently as she smiled, filled with excitement. She was going to give them the very best surprise she could. The thing they wanted most. She felt like Santa. "I have something to share with you. A gift. Close your eyes, both of you- no peeking."

When their eyes were closed, Mara took a deep breath, using the Aether within her to find the internal delineation, she carefully pulled and pried, mindful not to tear or rush. When she'd separated blue from red, she pulled herself back.

She opened her eyes, and found herself facing Audrey, her lovely blonde hair shining in the light that filtered through the trees. Mara let her own body shift, letting her hair hang long and curly to her waist, the color of caramel. Audrey stared at Mara in shock. Mara smiled back, whispering. "Same body, different minds. You gave me the idea. Dream-state." She raised her hand, gently tucking a lock of Audrey's hair behind her ear.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you, Audrey. I didn't hate you, I hated myself. I was terrified of you. Now, I'm not sure I could live without you. I owe you so much more than I can ever repay, but at night, now that I know how- I'll make sure you have freedom."

Mara finally reached out and embraced Audrey. Her double returned the hug quickly and enthusiastically. Mara kissed her cheek, then pushed her toward the boys. "Now go say hello."

Mara backed up to watch as Audrey hesitantly approached the men, taking their hands.

When they opened their eyes, they stared at her in confusion. A slight change in hair color didn't seem like that big a deal, obviously. They were so used to seeing Audrey's eyes in Mara's face, the hair was all they noticed.

And then Audrey grabbed them, hugging them hard, and Duke's head turned in Mara's direction.

She bit her lip softly, waving.

Duke jerked up straight, his mouth agape. He reached over to smack Nathan on the arm, pointing wordlessly.

Nathan did a double-take that made Mara laugh, and Audrey wrapped her arms around his middle, pressed close against his chest.

" _How_?" Nathan breathed.

Mara hugged herself, smiling. "We're in dream-state. Minds rule here, our bodies don't matter. Audrey's mind is not mine. In the body, we can usually read each other, but that's because we're a physical impossibility- two different things existing in the same place at the same time. But even there, we can still keep secrets, we do it all the time. Here, our minds can stretch out a little, we don't have to be as... pressed for space. You guys can see who Audrey is independent of me. Welcome her home properly. I have to stay, because I'm controlling the environment, until Duke and you learn how to control it. But I'm good here, just... be happy."

It was strange, all this time with them, all the vulnerability, yet Mara was more uncomfortable- more shy- than she had been since she'd woken up.

She'd never had to face them alone, not since she'd decided to try being honest. The first time they'd be near her apart from Audrey. She realized how much she'd been leaning on Audrey as a kind of shield; physical protection because she knew they would never damage Audrey's body.

She wasn't used to being alone in her head.

Duke cocked his head, staring thoughtfully. He squeezed Audrey's hand, slapped Nathan on the back and walked toward Mara. Her muscles clenched and she had to forcibly stop herself from taking a half-step back. She tried to gaze at him impassively.

He stopped in front of her, putting a hand to her chin so she couldn't look away. He gazed at her, checking her over from head to toe. His left hand wound into her hair in fascination.

"You..." Duke cleared his throat. "You look beautiful. Why are you upset?"

"I'm not upset."

"Mara, have you looked at yourself?"

She glanced down in surprise. Oh hell. She was wearing jeans and a long sweater that she'd seen Duke wearing once. She knew what he was thinking. Dressed = not okay.

"I didn't plan that. Just happened. Sorry." She flicked her fingers and her outfit changed- her blue blouse. Her destroyed blue blouse. She grimaced, flicked again, and was wearing the silk dress from her date with Nathan.

Frustrated, she stomped her foot and growled. She focused hard, tried again, and relaxed in leggings and a tight, long-sleeved white shirt. She _had_ to get herself together, her lack of focus was showing. She shook her long hair out, wishing for a moment that she had more say in their shared body. She missed really long hair.

"Still going to tell me you're not upset?"

"I'm _not_. I'm excited. I just... I realized..."

"That this is the first time we've really seen each other since the Joining? Yeah, occurred to me, too."

"Well, what do you think, Crocker? Just me. No Audrey. Go ahead, don't hold back. I can take it."

"Oh, I'm not sure you can." His voice was dark- deep and threatening. She looked at him curiously.

"Mara, I fucking _missed_ you." He closed the half-step between them, his mouth hot against hers as his arms went around her body, lifting her to kiss her more thoroughly. She wrapped her legs around his waist, clinging to him.

"Mara, how many times do I have to tell you? I didn't leave you. And I won't. _Ever_. You're mine and I'm yours. But I am very, very interested in getting to touch 'just you' again, knowing what I know now."

Her breath hitched and her heart was racing. "You sure? Audrey is-"

"She's right there, I know. And she needs some time with Nathan. If you can help her move around in dreams, there's no rush. But you... I'm absolutely desperate to touch you again. Just you and me, Mara. The parts that belong to each other. We're in this beautiful setting, nobody to interrupt us- let's just be together, Mara. The way it always should have been. No fear or lies, beautiful."

She made a wild sound, somewhere between a laugh and a sob, a strange humming that she couldn't control. Her chest felt too tight again, full of words and feelings that she wanted to share with Duke. She whispered against his lips.

"I know you want the baby to have Nathan's last name, and I'm fine with that, anything you want. But I want to use your last name. I mean, I can't use _any_ name often- Audrey's in charge, I don't legally exist. But just for me and you, I want to have your name."

He locked his eyes with hers, still holding her up. He didn't blink or look away from her for even a moment. "Spiritual, Mara. I don't need some stranger in a monkey suit to tell me what I already know. I'm your husband, you're my wife. I may now kiss my bride."

His mouth covered hers, holding her tightly.

Mara had experienced a lot of kisses recently. This wasn't like any of them.

This kiss was a claim. A promise. Something older and stronger than the universe. She felt magic around her, and though the Aether in her reacted to it, it wasn't Aether-based. It was nothing like anything she'd felt before, and when she opened her eyes, she could see herself reflected in the mercury-silver of Duke's. She could see her own eyes glowing the same glittering golden fire as all her other marks.

Without effort, their souls had opened to each other.

Overwhelmed, Mara kissed Duke harder, pushing herself up with the arms she had around his shoulders and he held her higher, so she was looking down on him as she kissed him. His arms tightened a fraction of a second before he moved, spinning her around so she squealed, locking her legs tighter.

Not that she thought he'd drop her. He would never.

"Wanna see what I can do?" Mara murmured against Duke's lips.

"Mmm-hmm." Duke moved to kiss her neck, nibbling her earlobe.

She tapped a finger against his back, and he was shirtless.

"Nice. Time saver. My turn." He focused, like he had done in their practice, and then Mara was shirtless too, pressed tight against his chest.

"Duke Crocker, was that a challenge? It felt like a challenge."

"Yup. I just threw down the gauntlet. What are you going to do about it?"

She narrowed her eyes deviously. "No ball gag, at least. I want to hear you. But you're still overdressed for the occasion."

They took turns undressing each other, and Mara was laughing as Duke knelt, laying her on the soft grass in the lovely dreamscape she'd created. Blossoms from the trees flew on the soft winds, looking like oversized snowflakes.

She rolled over him, holding his hands in her own as she kissed his face, her hair falling around them like a curtain. His hands squeezed hers and he arched his back as she ran her teeth along his collar bone. It was strange, she'd never realized that emotions had a flavor; but she remembered the saltiness of tears, the taste of sulfur and smoke when she got truly angry, and she understood the taste that was on Duke's skin. He tasted _happy_.

Oh, she was going to give him the world, the entire universe. She'd box it up and let him put it on a shelf if he wanted to. He'd already given her the only things she wanted out of it.

Mara rubbed herself against him, rocking as she squeezed his hands.

"Tell me you're mine." She growled the words at him, pressing their bodies together.

"You first." He moved quickly, rolling them until he was above her, eyes shining as he smiled down at her. He shifted, teasing as he rubbed against her.

Mara's smile glowed almost as brightly as her eyes as she looked at him, studying his face.

"I'm yours. I'm Mara Crocker, and I'm your wife." She wiggled her fingers at him, her ring catching the sun. "As much as I may disagree with Audrey's taste in music, I must inform you that you 'Put a ring on it', if you'll pardon the expression."

Duke laughed loudly, the vibrations running through his body making Mara arch, locking her legs around him.

"Mrs. Crocker, are you propositioning me?"

"Yep. I love you, I want you. I need you. You're everything in life that I never thought I'd have. Now _please_..."

He pushed into her before she could finish her sentence, and she forgot how to speak.

As always, Duke was a contradiction. Gentle yet primal, loving yet rough. She threw her head back, trying to pull him closer, to share the same space like she usually did with Audrey.

The lack of pressure from her sister-mind made her feel exposed and vulnerable, but once again Audrey had been right- Mara trusted Duke with that vulnerability and they flew together, more than one being and less than two. They were union embodied.

She pulled her fingernails down his back in a long, slow movement that made Duke gasp, pushing deeper into her as she squeezed around him. Lifetimes upon lifetimes, yet Duke had taught her more about her own body in the last few months than she'd learned in over 500 years. His hands were hot, his skin burning against hers as they moved together; their movements growing frantic and desperate, each trying to immerse themselves in the other.

Mara gasped against Duke's ear and felt the goosebumps under her hands, heard his rough inhalation as he gave her everything- all the love he'd stored over his life that nobody else had valued and appreciated, all the beauty and power that existed inside him. He had the soul of a poet, the heart of a lion. He had more love to give than anybody- even the others that she loved- could ever, ever understand. Once he gave you his love, he would follow you to the ends of the earth.

And Mara had earned his love.

She squeezed and rocked beneath him, pressing her hands to every inch of skin that she could reach. Instead of pushing Aether into him, she pushed her own love- the only love in the universe capable of matching what he had to give. She strained for breath, and he was surrounding her, blotting out the universe around them as he thrust into her, her body tightening, straining around him. She pressed her mouth tightly to his ear, winding a hand into his hair. "Mine, Duke. My husband. I'm going to be the best wife you could ever want. I'll love you forever, never leave you. Oh gods, Duke, I can't. It's too much, I'm going to fall apart. Please, please don't let go!"

"Never, Mara. Never. I'll never leave you alone again."

She raised her hips and he pushed, then everything was light and sound and the entire universe rumbled, lightning flashing even over the dreamscape as the gods celebrated the joining of two spirits who had been meant for each other, two people who were both opposite and yet exactly alike. Two objects in space that complemented each other, that belonged so absolutely that not even death could separate them.

Duke dropped his forehead, lips pressing to hers as he thrust again, and then again, his body tense and shaking, his normal hushed growl overshadowed by a muted shout. With their souls open, Mara knew what he felt and she was joyful, knowing for certain that he had completely, finally accepted the full depth of her love. That even if he hadn't felt like he deserved it, that he couldn't deny it.

Someone finally loved him as much as he loved them. His only real wish.

* * *

 

Duke had put on pants and Mara was wearing the white shirt and leggings as they lay together in the grass, watching Nathan run around with Audrey on his back. Mara was picking wildflowers from around them, fixing another memory that had been soured as she carefully braided a crown of multicolored blooms. She hadn't made a flower crown since she'd been in Haven.

She was determined to take every aspect of her life back.

"What are you thinking, Mara?" Duke's voice was lazy, low and sweet as he idly stroked her back.

"Lots of things. I'm taking my life back. Repairing tainted memories. This crown, for instance. I haven't made one since things started to go bad at home. Making beautiful dreams so full of love it takes four of us. Enjoying what it feels like to be someone's real wife. You saw the lightning? I didn't do that. The Gods themselves did that. Blessed and honored our union. There's no paper or ceremony more binding than that."

She picked another three flowers, fingers flying and she wove and braided.

"I was also watching Nathan run around with Audrey on his back, thinking about that ball-gag and wondering if Nathan has a secret pony-play fetish."

Duke laughed loudly, hands gripping his stomach as he chortled. "I bet he totally does, you're right."

She smirked deviously, looking at Duke out of the corner of her eye. "Technically, that means every time you watch that pony show together, it's foreplay."

Duke tried to look threatening. "Hush, you."

"Ah, but that's the beauty of no vows, husband. I never promised to obey."

"Tricky. Then what do you promise, wife?"

She smiled softly, leaning against his side as she braided. "I vow to love you always, even if I'm mad at you. I vow to never go to bed angry. I vow to try to be a good person, someone who deserves you. I will love you, honor you and value you every day of forever. I will talk to you before I do crazy things, or if I'm upset about something. I will be a good mother to our baby, the kind of mother you want for your child. I promise to kiss you every morning and every night for all of forever."

His eyes were soft, childlike and uncertain, and he was blushing. He wasn't used to sweet talk. "Only morning and night?"

"Well, okay. three freebies per day, at a time of your choosing. And every time I think you might need an extra."

He was tickling her side when Nathan and Audrey crashed to the ground in front of them, rolling around like lunatics.

Mara winked at Duke. "Beauty of dream-state. He can't pass out two seconds after he had sex."

"Damn, you're on fire today!"

"Yeah, it's the Crocker thing. My body is adjusting. I believe I was once told that sarcasm was a non-refundable part of the Crocker package. Gotta live up to expectations."

Duke shook his head, eyes wide and admiring. "You really do remember everything people say to you."

"No, I told you. Only important people." Mara finished the last loop, leaned forward and placed the crown atop Audrey's cornsilk locks. "There. You're my maid of honor. Now you look perfect. You have the most beautiful smile, you know that?"

Audrey laughed, trying not to blush. "I look just like you. And you have a beautiful smile."

"No, I think you look different. We have different expressions, certainly. And the boys can tell us apart, even in one body. I think we look more different than you realize."

"Your hair is lovely."

"Audrey's right, it is. Is that what your hair looked like originally?"

Mara smiled a little. "Yeah I had long, curly hair. Once it got to my waist it was more wavy than tightly curled, though. One thing I miss."

"You miss having long hair, Mara?" Audrey's voice was sweet as she questioned.

"I do. But I know you're happy the way you are. I'm not asking you or telling you- you're the legal _person_ , Audrey. I'm fine with that."

Audrey smiled and grasped Mara's hand. Mara watched, fascinated. She and Audrey had never had a gentle exchange before the joining. "One more repaired memory." She leaned forward to hug Audrey, their heads resting on each other's shoulders.

Mara's voice was little more than a whisper. "You're a walking miracle, Audrey. You were special enough to develop your own soul. To be better. But when you felt me, you didn't bury me. You made room. Gave me a place when you didn't have to. I'm very, very lucky that you're my... My Audrey." Mara finally settled with a shrug. "I don't know what else to call you. I feel like you're my sister, but I know in this world, that would have weird connotations."

Nathan finally asked. "So, did you mean it when you said that in your world, siblings can get married?"

She sprawled out, head on Duke's stomach. "Yep. I've mentioned before that we're built different. Sturdier. We don't have vestigial organs like the gallbladder or appendix or even tonsils, though tonsils do have some use in the human body. Consanguinity- er, reproducing between relatives- isn't dangerous chromosomally, so there was never any reason to outlaw it.

"You know that your species is Homo Sapiens, that you evolved from Homo Erectus, right? Well, mine is called Omni Sapiens. That obsession with science and intellect again, it overrides everything else there. But Omni's, what you guys call OtherWorlders, people like me and Momma and Dave- we're built differently. We evolved in different ways."

"Omni Sapiens? Doesn't that mean all-knowing?" Nathan asked.

"No, you're thinking of omniscient. Omni Sapiens is closer to 'all-thinking'."

Mara sighed. "We should be getting back. But guys? We can come here anytime now, and all you have to do is tell me. I'm really, really happy this worked. I love you all." She reached to hug Audrey, Nathan, and Duke. She watched the others embrace happily, Then she took Audrey's hand, feeling the pressure of her mind touch against Mara's, then slowly pulled them out, back into Duke's mind.

She kissed him softly, her heart in her eyes. "Thank you, love. This was the best night ever."

"Every night with you is the best night ever."

She pulled out of his mind and cuddled into his side, one hand on her belly as she smiled happily, feeling Audrey's sleeping mind, happy and peaceful against her own.


	40. Moonlight Sonata

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still have nothing you'd want to sue me for.  
> Song for this chapter is Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven

Audrey and Mara were absolutely  _convinced_  there was a Trouble afoot, but they couldn't seem to convince the boys. They kept insisting that they produce  _evidence_. Their evidence so far consisted of the fact that there had been nothing more Troublesome in over three months than a little girl named Mary who kept appearing at school with lambs.

It was almost insulting.

The Trouble was so mild the parents hadn't even been willing to let them cut Mary to cure her Trouble, instead selling the lambs to local ranchers.

So there was a Trouble brewing. They just didn't know what.

Audrey shifted anxiously in the bed.

_'Mara, how do we solve a Trouble when we don't know what the Trouble is or who's exhibiting it?'_

_'We can't. Nobody is bleeding, nobody is dying, I don't feel any residual Aether-signatures. I said something unusual was going on, not that it's a Trouble.'_

_"What else could be doing it, Mara?'_

Mara pressed a hand against their swollen belly- 33 weeks now- and stayed quiet.

_'The baby? The baby is somehow shutting the Troubles down?'_

_'Not exactly. We've cured so many, and we're tired all the time. The baby is no more human than us. Ember probably is just exerting a little energy keeping things safe, to give us time to gear up for the next big problem. It's Yule tomorrow, Audrey, Just enjoy it. Aren't you usually the chipper one, and I'm the painfully realistic one?"_

_'Our roles may have changed a bit over time. And Christmas isn't until the 25th.'_

_'I said 'Yule', not 'Christmas'. Yule falls on December 21. If Nathan or Duke start acting really strange, I will let you know. Relax. You're just going into nesting mode. It will get harder as labor gets closer.'_

_'So it's normal?'_

_'As normal as we ever get, yes. And William can't get into our dreams now, since I usually stay with the rest of you during dream time.'_

Warm breath huffed against her ear. A moment later, a tongue brushed her cheek, the tickle of hair against her face making her laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm getting up. Cut me some slack, Echo. I just woke up and this baby seems intent on using my bladder as a pillow." She hauled herself up, going to complete her (very late) morning routine. They'd slept until 11:30- they just had no energy, and having to pee twenty times a night didn't help. Their hair was brushed, though they left it down. It had grown quite a bit after Audrey realized that Mara loved long hair.

They applied some eyeliner, but didn't bother going all out. With 7 weeks to go, it was already as rough as it had been right before James was born. Their belly was enormous, they were unsteady when they walked because Ember's head had dropped and was firmly encased in their pelvis. They'd discussed several times the possibility that the joining had somehow altered the rate of growth, but they didn't know for sure.

Every step she took, she was shadowed by the silver-black ball of fuzz that never seemed to leave her side. Mara's very first birthday present.

Nathan and Duke had worked together to find a good breeder, driving all the way to Derry to pick her up. A beautiful, black and silver Chow Chow puppy. The day they gave her to Mara, Echo had looked like an oversized Tribble. Fur so thick and long you had to really look to see her face.

Duke had decided to use his new-found powers to try to make Echo  _different_. To make her understand, to make her strong and long-lived. He accidentally went a little out of hand.

Echo almost acted like she was half Aetherling. She understood what was said to her, her senses were keen, and she never let them out of her sight. They hadn't had to deal with the normal nightmare puppy-behavior; especially good since they lived on a boat and didn't exactly have a yard- but there was certainly an adjustment period.

They pet the sweet pup's ear as Mara remembered.

She'd finally managed to make Duke understand that she couldn't have birthday parties, so he'd gotten together with Nathan to make a better plan. When Duke and Nathan worked together, there was nothing- not even Mara- who could stand in their way.

"Do you know why their tongues are blackish blue like that?" Duke had asked as she cuddled the ball of fluff. She was leaning against Nathan, who had his hand on her belly, feeling Ember move.

She shook her head, feeling the soft fur between her fingers.

His voice was soft and deep, falling into a familiar cadence; he'd obviously told this story before.

"They say when the gods were creating the world, there were no stars. So the gods poked holes in the night sky, letting light shine. They say that the drops of night sky hit the ground, and the Chow licked up the pieces of night, making their tongue stained with the bits of dark sky they'd eaten."

The girls had been equally enamored with the puppy, and there was no hesitation as they cuddled up against the men.

"She needs a name." Mara said.

"That's all up to you, beautiful."

Mara considered, throwing names all over her head. Nothing was right. She wanted something that represented Audrey, Nathan, Duke and even herself. Something special, something only they would know the deeper meaning behind. Something they shared.

"Her name is Echo."

Nathan looked at her sideways. "From 'Dollhouse'? I thought you hadn't watched that show."

"Audrey watched it a dozen times while we were still connected I empathize with the character, all the personalities... and you guys love Joss Whedon. It's perfect."

Duke looked thoughtful. "Echo. I like it."

Since then, and since Duke had used his abilities on her, Echo had become as much a part of the family as Duo. Sometimes, Mara would catch Duo and Echo staring at each other, like they were deep in conversation.

They probably were.

She walked carefully into the living room, determined not to waddle. Duke stopped her in the hallway.

"You look beautiful this morning. You look beautiful every morning, of course, but even more than usual."

Oh dear. She knew that look, and she knew what it meant when Duke started babbling. He was  _nervous_ , and since she had been in bed until just now, it wasn't that he was afraid of her, but he was certainly nervous about how she was going to react to whatever he had done.

She narrowed her eyes. "Duke, if you're going to tell me something troublesome this early, you can do it while you rub my back."

She started to head back down the hallway, hearing Duke mumbling to himself. She grabbed a bottle of juice and stretched out on the sofa. Nathan was out there already, and he pulled her feet up into his lap, using those strong fingers to massage her instep. Her eyes rolled back in her head, and she groaned. "That feels amazing. Either this baby is growing a little quicker, or it's going to be 12 pounds. I wasn't any bigger than this when I went into labor with James!"

Mara and Audrey looked at Nathan carefully. He had something on his mind, obviously. Mara reached forward to tousle his hair. "What's wrong, Nathan? You look... unsettled."

He looked anxiously at Mara. "I- first of all, it's not that I don't trust you or believe in you. But it might have come up that you're considering not having the baby in a hospital. Mara, is that true?"

She smiled softly, her soul in accord with Audrey's. "Beautiful man, you sweet, loving creature. It's true, I want to give birth at home. Here on the Rouge, where we're safe and protected. You know I have the medical training to deliver a baby. There isn't any safer place in Haven to bring baby Ember into the world." She stroked his lovely face, tracing her fingers over his cheeks. "There isn't a safer place in this town, and the less Audrey and I are stressed, the easier it is. I know it might be frightening for you, but I give you my word, if anything goes sideways, we have plenty of medical professionals. Nathan, I want just the four of us to greet our baby. I promise that if things go bad, we'll get a medical professional."

"I'm worried. So much could go wrong, and what happens if something goes wrong? I could lose you all."

His sweet, beautiful eyes were  _afraid_. Mara and Audrey worked in sync.

"We couldn't leave you, Nathan. But we're intelligent, and I have access to lots of information. The most secure place to have this baby is here, in our home. I know it's scary, love, but Audrey and I are more afraid of everything else than we are of the minuscule chances that something could go wrong. Besides, I birthed Alec and James at home. I know what to do."

"Won't the pain be to much?"

Mara cocked her head. "There's a difference between types of pain. Yes, the hypersensitivity is an issue, but pain from childbirth is different. There's a difference between pain intended to cause misery and pain with a higher power. Do I like pain? No, you know I don't. But I know we can do this together, because we've managed everything so far. And look what reward we'll get at the end! Less than 2 months and we'll be holding our baby. And you'll live forever with us, Nathan. Just remember to duck when things get crazy."

"Duck?"

"You won't age, you won't fall prey to disease. Bullets still hurt.  _Trust me_." Mara grimaced slightly.

"Right, 'duck'. I get it now. Will you at least consider having a doctor on standby? If something goes wrong, someone we can call for help?"

Mara pursed her lips, but moved to sit in Nathan's lap. "One weight joke and you're sleeping on the floor," she warned, "but I'll keep the numbers for the doctors on the fridge, if it makes you feel better, we will make arrangements with Dr. Rifley, Momma and Gloria- which says a lot about how much we love you, because the idea of Gloria with her hands all up in me gives me the willies something fierce."

Nathan chuckled, hugging her.

"You think we can do this?"

"Do you think cavemen had epidurals? I  _know_  we can do this. By the way, how did the subject just 'come up'? Are you trying to make some kind of birth plan behind my back?" She glared through her laughter.

Nathan was flustered, which proved to Audrey and Mara that he'd been doing exactly what they thought.

"I just wanted to know what we should pack in the 'go bag' but Duke was being evasive..."

Audrey grabbed his face, kissing Nathan silent. "Hush. I didn't want to worry you needlessly ahead of time. You obsess. Mara knows what she's doing, so does Duke since he got whammied, and I've read plenty. Mara and Duke  _are_  our caretakers. It's not like we can protect the whole hospital, you know how sick we- well, mostly Mara- were after protecting the  _Rouge_. It was two of the worst weeks ever. We're safe here. Trust us."

Nathan grumbled a little around her mouth, but he nodded slightly. Ember chose to kick- hard- at the same moment. "Oof!"

"Holy crap, was that Ember? Damn, it felt like getting socked in the gut!" Nathan was rubbing where the little foot had made contact.

The girls transitioned smoothly, Mara taking lead. "Yeah, imagine what it felt like on this side. I don't even know when to really expect the baby. James was 38 weeks, and I didn't keep close count with Alec- what did I know about babies?- but I know it wasn't more than 35 weeks."

As always, like some kind of human petting zoo, the moment the baby started moving, the men had hands pressed everywhere. It made Audrey and Mara smile, even when they were moody- which was more frequent the bigger they got.

The cooing coming from these big strong tough guys, all bent over and mumbling against her belly was- it was adorable, frankly. People didn't know the real Duke and Nathan. Everything was smoke and mirrors. Tough detective and wicked pirate. Really, they turned into big piles of marshmallow fluff when confronted with actual babies.

"I don't want to call for help unless it's something we can't handle ourselves. Cord around the neck? We can handle. Placental abruption, not so much. But remember, the Aether helps me, it can tell me if something is really wrong. I can do this- we can do this. I trust you, now it's time to trust me. Trust that I will never do anything to endanger this child  _or_  Audrey."

Nathan's eyes were sad, almost tormented when he looked back to Mara's face. "I know you wouldn't risk them, but what about you? You risk yourself, and we love you, too."

She smiled softly, reaching to stroke his weekend stubble. "Who'd have guessed a day would come where you'd worry about me as much as Audrey? Time is a funny thing. But I wouldn't leave you guys if I could help it. Someone has to help Audrey keep you in line." Mara kissed his nose.

They cuddled on the couch for awhile while Duke worked on the engine upkeep. Mara breathed slowly through several back spasms (she refused to call them contractions, she didn't want to jinx herself.)

Eventually, Duke popped his head back into the room. "Is it safe yet?"

Mara rolled her eyes. "Yep, safe. He  _is_  capable of listening to reason you know."

"That has not always been my experience."

"Well it is now. Get used to it. By the way, I'm just getting this out now- if it's a girl, we're not piercing her ears, and if it's a boy, we're not cutting off  _anything_  that the gods put there, I don't care what's 'popular'. I carried this baby for this long to make him or her perfect, we're not going to start chopping bits off or sticking metal posts through them. It's my hardline. Okay?"

Duke nodded and Nathan raised his hands defensively. "All good. Don't worry."

Duke grinned at her. "I like feisty Mara. A  _lot_."

Mara tried to glare but failed, smiling. "On my world, it's not even an option. Killing kids to further science? That's A-OK, but circumcision- it just doesn't happen." She shrugged. "But thank you for not arguing. We were geared up for a fight. Audrey and I were already strategizing. She's funny."

Nathan smiled. "I learned early that the woman is always right. Even when she's wrong."

"Smart, Nathan. But we're not wrong. Two brains are better than one, they say."

Audrey and Mara saw Echo nod. "Look, even Echo agrees with me!"

Her moment of triumph was short lived. A sharp spasm shot across her back, making her grab on to Nathan.

"What is it, what's wrong?

_'Audrey, I'm going to be bossy for a few minutes. Sorry. But I need to understand the pain to fix it, so stay back, okay?'_

"Muscle spasm." Mara ground out. She grabbed onto the couch, kneeling on the floor as she rested her upper torso on the cushions. "It happens sometimes. The baby is probably pressing on a nerve. We're all fine. It's already fading."

"Can I get you anything?" Nathan was so sweet and thoughtful. She'd been all ready for a fight, and all he wanted was to understand.

Oh dear. Rapid emotional upheaval. She checked the clock, 2 pm. Echo came over, nudging her belly and licking her cheek. Mara closed her eyes, petting the soft ears.

"Duke, will you do that thing where you rub my back with your knuckles?"

He quickly knelt behind her, massaging as she'd requested.

Okay. Happy place. Just back pain. She didn't have to worry for probably three weeks. This was nothing to panic about. She was calming herself down when Nathan's phone rang.

"It's the station, there's some kind of... I have no idea. she just said things are falling out of the sky. I have to go. Duke, can you-"

Mara cut him off. "Yes, he can. I feel much better now. " She straightened slowly, the ache gone.

Duke opened his mouth to protest and Mara held up a hand. "I told you last week, I go or you go. We watch out for him. Besides we have plenty of time. Go make sure he doesn't get hurt. And Nathan, watch out for Duke. If either of you get hurt, I'll make you pay."

Duke was watching the dog, looking like he was trying to solve a difficult problem.

"I'm not sure I'm comfortable leaving you on your own, sweetheart."

"Well  _we're_  not comfortable with the idea of either of you going out without a partner."

"Do you promise to call the second you need us?"

"Yes, dear." She rolled her eyes. "I have to find out what's falling, right?"

"Fine. Up you get, you can hang out on the couch." Duke spoke as he pulled her up.

"I am a grown woman, I can do as I please. But the couch is fine. For now." She kissed him, then Nathan, shooing them out the door. So far the only thing she could see falling was snowflakes. But, this was Haven.

The moment she shut the door, Echo started whining, scratching to try and drag them back.

"Hush, you. It's nothing but a backache. Everything is fine."

Echo howled.

"Come here, furball. Sit on the couch with me."

The dog looked mutinous, but settled on the couch, head resting against her belly.

"What's wrong, fluffy? You never kick up this much fuss."

They settled down to watch mindless TV. Neither Audrey nor Mara actually liked daytime TV, but they absolutely  _loved_  listening to each other react to it. Besides, it was that or let Audrey read her new trashy book and Mara wasn't sleepy. She felt... wired. She was almost irritated that the boat was so clean. She wanted to fix something.

The snow continued to fall as they got more anxious, and just as the power went out, another spasm ripped across her back. She gripped the couch, checking the clock. 2:13.

"Oh Ember, you wouldn't. Just relax."

_'Mara, please, please tell me that we slept wrong.'_

_'We slept fine. It's probably Braxton-Hicks. Relax.'_

Echo whined again, gently nudging the giant mound of belly.

"Son of a bitch, we can't catch a break."

_'Audrey, do you know how to start the emergency generator?'_

_'No. I know where there are candles, though.'_

_'We'll take what we can get.'_

They carefully got to their feet, Echo walking so close they were practically connected. They found several candles, candle holders and jar candles, which they set up around the living room. They'd lit about 7 when the spasm hit again, and Mara tried to block most of the pain from Audrey. She couldn't mask all of it, but she could do enough.

_'Mara, this isn't a backache, is it?'_

_'I honestly can't say yet. So far, they're happening at 13 minute intervals. If the next one happens at 2:39, we can assume it might be labor.'_

_'Call them, just in case.'_

Mara sat slowly, using her phone to call Duke. She could at least have him tell her how to work the generator.

There was no answer.

She tried Nathan next, hoping it was just the weather and not some bizarre Trouble keeping them from answering.

She froze when she heard the ringing  _behind_  her.

He forgot his phone? How in hell had be forgotten his phone? She and Audrey, she could understand. Pregnancy brain. But Nathan was the Boy Scout. He was always prepared. And there was no way Duke wouldn't have answered. Either the Trouble was bad or the weather was interrupting service.

Audrey and Mara threw curses back and forth, trying to outdo each other. Finally, they decided to call the station. Laverne could tell them what was going on.

"Haven Police Department, how may I direct your call?"

"Laverne! It's Audrey. Do you know anything about the call Nathan just went on? I can't reach him or Duke."

"Oh, Audrey! I haven't gotten to see you in a dogs age!" Right. Because dogs only live five days. Damn, now she was getting cranky.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be brusque, but I really need to know if they're okay. The power is out here, and I don't know the emergency generator well. What was falling out of the sky, Laverne? Do you know?"

The sweet dispatcher laughed off the apology. "You ask me, it's probably tourists who haven't seen snow."

"Laverne, Duke isn't answering his cell, and Nathan forgot his. Can you try to contact them? Or hey, is Dwight there?"

"Sure, hon. I'll switch you to Dwight and try to get Nathan on the radio. Are you okay?"

2:39 exactly, the pain ripped through her body.

"I'm not sure, Laverne. Would you put Dwight on while you hunt down the boys?"

"Will do, just hold on for a second."

She heard several minutes of hold music and the phone rang once before a rough "Hendrickson".

It was amazing how a friendly voice could make you feel so much better.

"Dwight, it's Mara. And Audrey. Duke just accompanied Nathan on a call, I can't reach Duke and-" oh, come on! She had to breathe through the pain, "and Nathan forgot his phone. The power is gone and there may be the slightest chance I'm in labor. Nothing urgent, but I need to talk to them. Can you help?" Mara was begging, she knew that, but she didn't really care.

"Mara, how close are the contractions?"

"13 minutes- well, 11 minutes apart right now. It may be nothing, but being stuck without the generator is a problem." She sighed. "Truth is, I'm scared. I need to know they're okay. I need to know how serious this Trouble is, I don't want to panic them with no reason."

"From the reports, when the snow started, it was sticking to what looked like an invisible guy. Could be nothing- but there's that chance..."

"Any missing persons reports?"

She waited while he dug through the files.

"None that fit the time or description."

"Any casualties?"

"Nothing but an unsuspecting snowman. It got smashed to bits."

She thought hard, especially about weather-related gifts. If this guy hated snowmen, there was probably a reason.

"Dwight, I don't suppose you have any other snowman-vandalism reports on file?"

"Not that we've kept track of."

Another spasm ripped through her and she couldn't speak for a moment. She had to focus. She had to help. Nobody knew Troubles like they did. She took a long, rattling breath.

"The Ronon family. First one got trapped in a blizzard as a child, he was alone, he thought he'd been forgotten. Snow makes them feel invisible. Harmless if he's not angry, but they have to talk him down, let him know he's not alone. His name... this one's name is Damian. Have them call for him, let him know he's not forgotten. I can't control the weather correctly right now, but I'll do my best. If I can stop the snow for just a few minutes, it might be enough. Did Laverne get through to Nathan and Duke? Dwight, I don't know how to start this generator."

"No answer yet, Mara, but this is exactly what we were looking for. We'll find him and help him. Do you want me to call an ambulance?"

"No, but thank you. The pain is far enough apart to not be a concern yet. We'll be fine. Just..." damn it, now her voice was shaky and she was  _sure_  Dwight could hear the tears- "Just have them contact me the  _second_  someone gets ahold of them."

"Mara. Promise me you'll call if they aren't there and you need help."

"I promise, Dwight. It's okay, I've done this before. I got through it."

"But Mara, you didn't have the rest of us then."

"Knock it off, Dwight, you're making me cry more. But thank you, I mean it. Please go help the guys. Please."

"Okay, but I'm bringing the sat phone as well as my cell, just in case. You'll be able to get ahold of me. Just be safe, okay?

Her answer was barely a whisper and tears tracked down her face. "Thank you, Dwight. Be safe."

She hung up moments before the pain came again. Echo howled, and suddenly Mara remembered.

"Duo!" She yelled, reaching with her mind. He was probably out flirting with girls on the dock again. "Please, please get your ass back here. I need help, and I don't know how to run the emergency generator."

While they waited, Mara and Audrey tried to settle the weather. Every single time, just as the snow was abating a contraction would hit, and the snow fell harder. It took a few contractions for them to realize that her tug-o-war with nature was only making the weather worse.

After what felt like an eternity, Duo leapt from a wall, emerging into the living room while he shook snow from his hair.

"Are doors beneath you now, Duo?"

"Just trying to save a few seconds. What's wrong?"

"Can you help me with the emergency generator?"

"I'm pretty sure. You want to come learn?"

"Yes, I n-" Mara stilled, trying to breathe slowly as the pain gripped her.

"Mara! Are you in labor?" Duo sounded shocked.

"Maybe. Might be Braxton-Hicks, I can't reach Duke or Nathan, Duke isn't answering and Nathan forgot his. I'd feel better if I could just  _talk_  to them."

"Here, I can at least tell you if it's labor." Duo approached her with his hands out, gently placing them on her belly as he tilted his head and closed his eyes.

"Good news and bad news. Labor is active, but the snow is blocking most of the roads around here."

"No. No. You are  _not_  telling me that I'm in labor and Duke and Nathan can't get home! No, I will not accept that answer." She began to pace frantically, wobbling slightly from the position of the baby.

She grabbed the phone again, dialing Duke. On the third ring, just before the expected voicemail, she heard his voice.

"Mara? Are you okay?"

The stupid, stupid tears came flying. "You didn't answer and Nathan forgot his phone! Now Duo says the roads are blocked and I'm in labor! Dear gods, I already gave Dwight the answer to the Trouble, where  _are_  you?"

"Sweetheart, calm down. Stress is bad for the baby."

"Don't you 'sweetheart' me, Crocker! I'm in  _labor_! Just because I've done if before doesn't mean I'm okay doing this alone again! Where are you? Are you both okay? Are you safe?"

"Okay, okay, I hear you. Please don't be afraid. We're both fine, Mara. How close are the contractions?"

"Down to 7 minutes apart, Duke! I've been trying to get you guys since they were 13 minutes apart." Mara took a deep breath, trying to get herself calm. "I'm okay. As long as you two are safe, I'm okay.  _Are_  you somewhere safe?"

"Yes, we are. We're at the Ronon house. The snow is making travel a little precarious. There's supposed to be a snowmobile coming for us. God, I knew we shouldn't go."

With great effort, she made her voice level. "It's fine. Everything is fine. I was worried for you. Just stay where you're safe, Duke. Stay safe. It's the only important thing. I-" Mara bent over, the pain worse than any of the ones before. She wished they were there to stroke her hair.

But they weren't, and it wasn't their fault. Time to grow up, Mara.

"Sorry, I'm fine. Just don't do anything dangerous, please. It's more important that you be around to raise Ember. Don't do anything foolish, please. Is Nathan there?"

"Yeah, let me get him."

"Wait! Duke, before I talk to Nathan, I need you to know I love you. Everything is going to be fine, just stay where you're safe. Please don't do anything because of me. We've got hours and hours, don't worry. If you have to wait til morning, it will be fine. Please. I can't risk you." She had to stop before the tears took over again.

"I love you, Duke. Go ahead and put Nathan on."

"I love you too, Mara. All of you."

She had a moment to collect herself before Nathan's voice came on. "Mara? Duke says you're in labor, is that true?"

"It's early, Nathan. Please, I'm fine. I'm counting on you to keep Duke calm. Don't travel if the roads are that bad. Plenty of time, okay?"

"But... you're in  _pain_."

"I'm doing everything I can to shield Audrey, I swear. We're both fine, I won't let anything happen to her. Just stay with Duke and keep him calm. Everything will be alright. But if you ever forget your phone again, I'll staple it to you. Hold on." She pulled the phone away, muffling her cry in her arm. She'd lied to Duke. The contractions were just under 5 minutes apart, and with the roads closed, there was no chance they'd get there in time. She was on her own. But making them feel bad wasn't going to rectify the situation.

"Sorry, everything's fine."

"Mara, I'm so sorry. I should have made them give the call to someone else."

"There's just something about days off." She uttered a choked laugh.

"We can get to you. We could walk. There has to be a way."

"Hush, Nathan. If you're in danger, it will just make me worry more. You have to keep yourselves safe. Duo will help me start the emergency generator. We're fine. Just watch Duke. He does crazy things when he's scared. Remind him that labor lasts a long time. Please, I can't concentrate, can't function if I'm afraid for you two. Please, Nathan."

She heard the deep sigh, could just imagine the look of helpless frustration on his face as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Gods, she missed them so much.

"Okay, but if anything changes, you call. Promise?"

"Nathan, things are bound to change, but if anything turns dangerous, I promise to call. Try to trust me."

"I do. I trust both of you. It's me I'm disgusted with."

"Nathan, we should have had more time, you can't start paternity leave the second your girlfriend gets pregnant. Stop beating yourself up ab-oow" her words choked off with a gurgled cry.

"That wasn't 5 minutes, Mara!"

"Nathan, quiet. If you panic Duke he'll do something stupid and end up frozen in a ditch at the side of the road. I'd rather give birth alone and have you two come back healthy. So yes, they're under 5 minutes. Just be careful. You're not on the  _Rouge_ , you're not as safe. I'm begging you, Nathan. think of the big picture. I'll take care of Audrey."

He sounded utterly miserable as he responded, "But who will take care of you?"

"I know what I'm doing. I can take care of myself."

"It's not right. It's not fair."

She chuckled softly as she replied, "Whoever said life was fair, Nathan? We do out best with what we're given. It's Favor Card Poker on a universal scale. Just take care of each other, and wait until they can clear a path. You both come home in one piece. One day you forgetting your damned cell will be a funny memory. We love you. Audrey wants you to remember that she's always loved you. Don't be scared. Even if you're not here for the birth, you'll be here to help raise Ember. We win this time."

"Will you call right away if you have to push before we can get there?"

"I'll do my best."

Echo howled again, loud and eerie.

"Was that Echo?" Nathan sounded incredulous.

"Yeah, she's been in a snit since you walked out the door. She was scratching, trying to bring you back, I think."

"I've never heard her howl."

"None of us have, Nathan. Even when Duke tried to teach her. I think she just doesn't like us being here without you during a storm. Duke might have made her a little  _too_  smart." Mara knelt on the floor resting her chest on the couch as another contraction hit. She was silent, she knew she was, but Nathan still somehow noticed.

"Breathe, Mara. Just breathe." He was obviously trying to sound soothing, but she could  _sense_  him pacing.

"I am, I am breathing." Gods, why hadn't anyone created a teleporting Trouble?

When it passed, Mara whispered, "Remember, I need you to be safe. I'm okay. Duo is always around if I need help. Just keep yourself and Duke safe. Do you promise?"

His voice was reluctant, but he finally replied, "I promise. But please be careful. We'll get to you as soon as possible."

"I love you both."

"We love  _you_  both. Keep the phone where you can reach it."

"Gods know I can reach your phone, since you left it here. I'm taking away your boy scout badge for this one."

"I'm so sorry."

"Hush, I was teasing you. I need to hang up, okay? This phone needs to charge, and I can't do that unless I can get the generator going. I need to go fix it."

"Okay, right. Just- I'll be here. And we'll be there as soon as possible."

"I love you." Mara hung up before she could cry.

She wasn't alone. She had Audrey, Duo and Echo. A very soothing thought, until she remembered that Audrey was the person she was sharing a body with, Duo was an Aetherling and Echo was a dog.

If that wasn't a perfect setup for a bad joke, she didn't know what was.

Duo helped Mara up from her kneeling position. "Why don't you let me deal with the generator this time. You shouldn't be climbing around the ship right now. Is that alright?"

"You're right. Go ahead. I need to gather some things anyway."

She laid a thick blanket on the floor with several pillows, a stack of towels, receiving blankets and the medical kit she'd collected. By the time she had her little nest set up, the lights were up again. She was turning off the television and several lights when Duo reappeared next to her, a gentle hand on her back.

She turned and hugged him, crying on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm fine. It's a normal reaction."

His arms came up around her, and though he held the shape of Duke, when her eyes were closed all she felt was the Aether surrounding her, holding her up. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."

"I really thought this time would be different. That they'd be there when I gave birth. I feel so... greedy. Like it's not enough that they kept me, now I want my hand held. It's just like when I was Sarah. "

"No, not exactly. Because you know Duke and Nathan are coming home."

She thought for a moment. "Duo, would you go keep an eye on them? Make sure they don't do anything stupid?"

"But you need me  _here_ , Mara."

"I've given birth before, Duo. I'm petrified that they're going to do something desperate and stupid to try and get here. I can't even manage the weather right now. Please. Take care of them."

She knew what he wanted. He wanted to stay. And in many ways, she wanted him to stay too. But she couldn't let herself pretend that just because he had parts of Duke and Nathan, that he could stand in for them.

No. She wanted Duke and Nathan to see the baby first. That little piece of Duke and Mara that had loved each other from the start.

"Duo please. this is what I need. What's best for me." She had every muscle and nerve clenched as she tried not to show the contraction that was tearing her apart.

"Okay, fine. I'll go take care of the stooges. Snow won't stop me. I'll try to keep in touch through Echo. You yell, I'll be there."

Mara exhaled, nodding. "Thank you. I'll feel so, so much better when I know someone is keeping them safe." She hugged him hard, letting him feel her gratitude. Then she stepped back and nodded toward the door.

He looked back twice before he left.

_'Okay then. Nathan and Duke are safe. So what do we do about us?'_

_'What we always do. We work and do our best.'_

_'We're really doing this alone?'_

_'Did it on my own last time. And James was a 10 pound baby.'_

They changed into a short nightgown and laid out a waterproof sheet and several towels on their blanket, stopping a few times to breathe through the contractions, each lasting longer than the one before

Her water broke at 7:07 pm, and Echo licked the tears from her face as Mara cried.

She couldn't even say exactly why she was crying. Fear? No, not really.

Loneliness? Maybe a little, but she still had Audrey. She was never really alone.

Anger. Really, that's all that it could boil down to. She was frustrated and crabby.

_'Audrey, I'm sorry. This isn't how it was supposed to be.'_

_'It's Haven. Nothing is ever the way it's supposed to be.'_

They cleaned up as best they could, and Mara tried to shield Audrey from the pain. If someone had told her a year ago that one day she would be protecting Audrey- someone she didn't even want to believe was real- from the pain of childbirth, she'd have laughed. And then possibly shot them.

Hell, if someone had told her a year ago that she'd be pregnant by Duke Crocker, she... well, yeah, that wasn't really a shock. She'd always been drawn to Duke. She hadn't really minded the chains, eventually- they almost added to the appeal.

But the rest? Marriage, being okay with Audrey, loving Nathan? No, that wasn't something she'd have even considered.

They settled down on their pile of towels and blankets, trying to get comfortable. Echo stayed next to her, nose and eyes constantly trained on her belly. Her furry, loving guardian.

_'Don't be afraid, Audrey. I promise we can do this.'_

_'But I don't know anything. I don't know how to help!'_

_'You relax and let me do the one thing I can do well.'_

_'You do lots of things well.'_

_'I'm a healer. I trained in science and medicine, and I've done this. I was training to be an Occulus before William destroyed that life and my father replaced me. Please trust me. I'll protect you and Ember. People have been having babies without modern obstetrics for millennia.'_

_'What if the pain is too much, Mara? What if you can't take it?'_

Mara's tone was dry, resigned and jaded.

_'I've taken everything else. This is no worse. We're safe here.'_

She switched positions a dozen times, but there was no relief. The contractions continued, closer and closer until they were practically on top of each other. The more the pain increased, the less control she had over her abilities, and the thunder rolled as the snow continued to fall in flurries and eddies.

By 11:15pm, there was no reprieve between contractions. She had the receiving blankets and medical bag at hand. She pushed once, and when she reached down, she could feel the head just starting to stretch her skin.

_'Did I ever tell you about James's birth, Audrey?'_

_'No.'_

_'It was a lot like this. I didn't know what I was, and I was so scared, I called up a rainstorm. It flooded. I was just barely recovered from my time in captivity. I was even more afraid. I didn't know who else knew about that stupid prophecy, that list of lies that they thought I was bound by. I was alone because of the flood. Dave- he was dressed up rain gear, towing an inflatable raft. Gods, I would have laughed if I wasn't in such bad shape. He missed the birth by 6 minutes. I hadn't even cut the cord. He offered to put us on the raft and tow us to the hospital. I told him he was out of his mind and had him make me tea.'_

_'How long were you stuck?'_

_'Almost noon the next day, the waters receded enough for vehicles to come through. They brought me to the hospital for all of two hours, because James and I were fine. So trust me when I tell you I can get us through this.'_

_'I trust you.'_

She pushed when her body told her to. She changed positions repeatedly, letting gravity help her push the baby down. Nature overrode sense, and she cried, kneeling on the floor with her face buried in the cushions. Thunder crashed loudly, the  _Rouge_  rocked on the waves. The insensible wailing turned to words, and soon she was calling Duke's name, Nathan's name; begging the Old Gods to help her. To keep them safe.

And then she felt hands on her back.

She jerked, but the hands kept her steady and when she gazed up, she wanted to cry as her blue eyes met shining silver. Duke was there, Nathan right next to him. Her body contracted and she pushed, reaching for Duke's hand. He knelt next to her, holding her hand in one of his, rubbing her back with the other hand. Nathan took up the same position on her other side, kissing her face when she looked up at him.

She wanted to ask how and why, but her body was hyper-focused, determined to bring this baby into the world and to protect Audrey as much as possible.

_'No, Mara. We're a team now. We work together.'_

And they did, squeezing Duke and Nathan's hands as they pushed, only stopping to take a breath when Duke murmured, "The head is out. Take a breath, sweetheart."

"I thought you wouldn't make it. That we were alone." Mara cried, face muffled in the couch cushions.

"Not in our lifetime. You're not alone anymore beautiful." Duke moved behind her, checking to make sure the umbilical cord wasn't around Ember's neck, and whispered encouragement to her.

They pushed again, so hard they worried for poor Nathan's hand, and with a a muffled scream and a gush of fluid, Duke caught the baby, carefully wiping the tiny face and suctioning the nose and mouth. They sagged against Nathan, who helped lay them back onto the pillows.

Duke put the bloody, vernix-covered baby on their chest, and Mara and Audrey were in equal control as they wrapped Ember in their arms. Duke left the cord unclamped as Mara had instructed him before, making sure it was done pulsing before tying it off and letting Nathan cut the cord.

They were so busy admiring Ember's tiny face, the little pixie nose she'd gotten from her mother and the thick auburn curls that were an obvious blend of Mara and Duke, it took several minutes for Nathan to ask, "Is Ember a he or a she?"

They lifted the edge of the receiving blanket, and in their ringing, dual-toned voice, they announced, "We have a daughter."


	41. A Sparkle of Light, A Small Hint of Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is Too Much For One Heart from Miss Saigon

Mara and Audrey studied the nursing baby as they delivered the afterbirth and Duke helped clean them up. When she was clean and dry, redressed with all her needs taken care of, he carried her to the bed and helped her get comfortable.

"Sweetheart, can I clean the baby up?"

They considered, examining the tiny face. "She appears to have fallen asleep eating. Go ahead." They gave the little bundle to her father, adding, "Nathan, why don't you help him? It's a two person job if he doesn't lay her down first."

Nathan followed Duke quickly.

_'See, Audrey? I told you we could do it.'_

_'I hope she doesn't mind being an only child.'_

_'Don't be so grouchy. Look how sweet they look with her. They love her.'_

_'They do look pretty cute.'_

_'Gods, I'm so glad they made it. That was scarier in some ways than when James was born. I expected to be alone then. How funny though- You were born on Beltane, I was born on Samhain and the baby was officially born at 12:34 am on Yule.'_

_'We have a baby.'_

Mara laughed.  _'What did you think was growing in there?'_

_'You know what I mean. It's different in theory.'_

Nathan was holding the baby when they brought her back. "Did you think about the names we talked about?"

"We did. And then we talked alone, and we had a different idea."

Duke scooted up next to her, stroking her hair. "Tell us."

"Ren Edana Wuornos. Ren means 'water lily' and Edana means 'little fire'. I didn't think Ember was a good name for an adult woman."

"I like it." Duke declared. "And Ren is like Wren. Since you had a bird nickname."

"That wasn't even a consideration, really. We just wanted something to do with water and something to do with fire."

Nathan placed the baby carefully in her arms. "Ren is making funny faces." His voice was reverent and he stared at the baby like she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

Mara didn't disagree.

"That's the face they make when they want to eat. You'll learn the differences, just like you'll learn that different cries mean different things. We should weigh her first. In my medical bag, there's a baby scale. Just spread the blanket out, put her in it, and pull it up by the handle."

Duke was already laying the contraption out, and Mara unwrapped the blanket they had wrapped her in, leaving her in just the tiny diaper. He took a moment to make sure the scale was secure and lifted slowly.

"6 pounds 13 ounces. Is that good? I know she's early..."

"It's perfectly fine. She's not really that early. Not by my standards. Just because James was 10 pounds doesn't mean we're forever bound to have giant babies. She's just built more like me and Audrey than like you." Mara left the baby undressed, nursing her skin to skin and laying the blanket over her.

"I'm so proud of you. You two were amazing. Sorry we were late."

"How'd you get home, anyway? They clear the roads?"

Nathan and Duke exchanged a look, and Nathan shook his head slightly.

"Nathan, if you know what's good for you, you'll tell me the truth right now."

"We borrowed a snowmobile from one of the Ronon's neighbors. Duo cleared the way and made sure it was safe."

_'We should yell at them for being reckless.'_

_'They were scared, Audrey. Maybe more scared than us. And I'm personally really grateful they got here. If Duo really was playing sled-dog, they were safe. For Ren, let's give then a pass on this one.'_

They looked down at the tiny baby nursing at their breast, and they were both a little overcome.

"We're glad you made it, and we're going to trust that between you two and Duo, that you were being  _careful_. Are you hurt anywhere?"

Duke held his hands up. "We're both totally fine, I swear. We promised we'd be careful, and Duo told us his instructions were to keep us from 'being moronic wieners and getting our asses in a sling' so we made sure he approved of everything. I suggest  _not_  calling him Rudolph, no matter how funny you think it is. Since you gave him permission to make contact, he  _hits_."

"He only hits when he thinks I would want him to. Since it's officially Yule, you guys can have your presents. Duke, will you please get the box out of my underwear drawer?"

Duke jumped up, the picture of Christmas morning excitement as he took the box out. "Seriously, all the hiding places on this boat and the one place I didn't think to look was a  _drawer_. I'm irritated and impressed both."

"No crankiness allowed today, boys. It's our daughter's birthday."

She opened the box, removing two small leather pouches. She handed the right one to each man, cradling Ren in one arm. "Okay, open. Happy Yule."

They both opened the pouches immediately, pulling out rings that matched her own, just bigger, obviously made for men. Like kids, they immediately started comparing.

"Hold out your hands, I'll put them on you."

Nathan handed her his ring first, and she and Audrey together slid the ring into place on his left finger, where they kissed the ring before letting go and repeating the action with Duke.

Nathan's voice was gruff and he had to clear his throat. "Thank you both. These are beautiful. Not quite as beautiful as our other surprise, but a close second."

Duke had no tears at all. He was grinning widely. "I never thought I'd be wearing one of these again. Funny, it feels totally different when it's with the right woman."

Mara lifted Ren to her shoulder, patting her back. "I think you guys should hold her for a little while. We're exhausted."

Duke took the baby immediately, wrapping the blanket around her and holding her against his chest. Nathan was leaning against Duke's side as they studied their daughter's face. Ren opened her eyes and both men made shocked exclamations.

Ren's eyes were silver.

"I- what- Audrey, Mara, did you guys see her eyes yet?" He held the baby up so they could see her eyes.

Mara smiled sleepily. "I knew it was a possibility. I'm very, very glad. She'll be able to access your abilities, Duke. She'll be able to remove Troubles. We can already feel the Aether in her. She's absolutely perfect."

They were startled by a knock at the door. They looked at each other in concern, and Duke handed Ren back to Mara, both men grabbing their guns.

"Who the hell would come over at 3:30 in the morning?" Duke asked.

"Dwight knew I was stuck alone, and I don't doubt my mother knew when I was in labor. She knows what my weather feels like."

Duke and Nathan went to answer the door and returned with Dwight and Charlotte.

"I guess I wouldn't have made it in time, huh?" Dwight kissed Mara's cheek, followed by Charlotte, who stroked their hair and looked at the baby.

"The guys got here just in time. But thank you so much for trying. It means a lot to us."

"What's her name, Dove?" Charlotte's voice was soft and loving. They'd been working on repairing their relationship, and some days were harder than others. They'd been doing pretty well.

"Her name is Ren Edana. Wuornos."

"Wren like the bird?" Dwight asked.

"No, R-E-N. It means 'water lilly'. Edana means 'little fire'."

"It's a beautiful name, Dove. Oh! She has Duke's eyes."

Dwight startled a little. "Wow, she really does! Do they change like his?"

Mara smiled. "No. She's going to stay like this. She's got abilities. More important ones than mine. When she's grown, she'll be able to give and take gifts."

"How are you feeling, Mara? Did everything go alright? Do you need medical attention?"

"No, Momma. Everything went fine. No tearing, no excessive bleeding and the placenta was intact. I'm healing already. Are you guys okay? How did you get here?"

Dwight smiled, his finger caught in Ren's fist. "I called in an extra road crew. Explained the emergency, we followed the snowplow and the salt truck straight here. How did the guys get here?"

"They took a snowmobile. Audrey and I decided not to yell, in the spirit of the holiday."

Charlotte laughed. "That's right, it's officially Yule, isn't it? Happy Yule, girls, Nathan, Duke."

Dwight looked confused. "It's 4 days until Christmas."

Mara shook her head. "We celebrate Yule. You guys celebrate Christmas on December 25th because Emperor Constantine made it so. Historians believe Jesus was actually born near an equinox, not a solstice. My world didn't have Constantine, so we have different Holy Days. It's amazing the difference one person can make in the long run."

"Mara, you can say no and I won't be upset, but do you think I could hold her?" Charlotte sounded so hopeful. She really was trying.

"Sure, Momma. Here. Let Dwight hold her, too."

Charlotte took the baby, cooing at her as Dwight watched over her shoulder, one arm wrapped around her waist.

_'Do you think they'll stay together?'_

_'They seem happy so far. Momma doesn't want to leave, and he definitely loves her.'_

_'Won't that make him our stepfather?'_

_'And now I'm disturbed on a whole new level.'_

They watched the couple closely. The way they bent their heads together, the touches, the way they smiled at each other- yeah, it was all there. That was love.

_'So when he gives you orders at work, we get to say "You're not my real dad!" and go do whatever we want, right?'_

_'Now I'm kind of excited. That's going to be funny as hell. We'll have to do it where Duke can see or we'll never hear the end of it.'_

_'We're taking every single day of leave we're offered. I want to stay with the baby as much as we can.'_

_'We're going to go stir-crazy.'_

_'No.'_  Mara's voice was sad.  _'We're going to enjoy every single day. I didn't get that with James. We're going to take every moment we can get.'_

_'I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking.'_

_'It's alright, Audrey. You loved him, too. I'm glad everything worked out the way it did. And James is safe. The circumstances hurt, but really that's the only important thing. We'll be here to raise her. My father made his own choices. Honestly- once I found out he was still alive and hadn't come to help me I figured it would be bad. I'd hoped that Momma was keeping him away, but she wasn't. I really wanted to be able to blame her. But she's here and she's trying. She's apologized a thousand times. All that anger, all those years of torture, and yet she's the one here with us. It's a bizarre world.'_

_'You're right about that. Thank you for helping me with the pain, Mara. I can't imagine what that was like for you. I felt like a Thanksgiving turkey, and I know you were shielding me. You didn't have to do that.'_

_'I wanted to. I'll be totally honest- part of me was just trying to protect you, but part of me wanted to keep all the pain to myself. Ren is proof of the small time where I was just myself. The only good thing I did during that time.'_

_'You fixed Duke, too.'_

_'Yes, but that ended up in hundreds of new Troubles because I wasn't there to take care of it. I still feel bad about that. If I'd have just been there, that wouldn't have happened. If I'd have known that she was trying to kill me, I would have made her wait an hour. But we're getting off track. The point was, I wanted to see it through. When she was conceived, it was just me and Duke. I wanted to experience her birth fully. Sounds terribly selfish, doesn't it?'_

_'Only you would think trying to spare someone else the pain of childbirth is selfish. I understand what you're saying, Mara. And it's okay to wish you had your own body.'_

_'That's not really what I want. I don't want you to think I'm here pining to be on my own again. I feel safe with you, and we're good with Nathan and Duke. We work better together. And you know I did terrible things when I was on my own. No, I'm better off with you.'_

_'It's nice not being lonely. I've always been a loner, I didn't think I could ever even share an apartment with someone, much less a body. But I never feel trapped or pressured.'_

_'Do you realized you just had a baby? I don't think it's hit you yet.'_

_'You did most of the work.'_

_'Stop being so damn humble. You worked just as hard as I did, and you kept me calm when I was freaking out. You were amazing.'_

_'You knowing what to do kept me calm. Between the two of us, we can handle anything.'_

_'You know the fight isn't over. We're not out of the woods yet.'_

_'I know. But the bond is broken, Mara. That's half the battle. More than half. He's just like any other criminal now. We can fight back, we can shoot and he doesn't know it yet. We have a family. Something to fight for. All these people sitting around us? They love us. Just like Vince and Dave. We have people who love us. He can't even modify Troubles anymore, Mara. Just enjoy the peace.'_

_'We're moms. I... I honestly didn't think I'd still be here for this. I thought you'd have gotten rid of me by now, but you haven't even tried.'_

_'I don't want to. You belong here, too.'_

_'What will we tell Ren?'_

_'The truth. That we're two people. Duke and Nathan can tell us apart, I'm sure she will, too.'_

Mara smiled, reaching for Duke's hand. "She looks so much like you."

"I think she looks like you. She has your nose and mouth."

"She has your eyes, and her hair is thick like yours. It's funny though, the expression on her face looks just like Nathan."

Nathan startled. "It does?"

Duke nodded, smiling. "Yeah, Nate. It really does." Duke reached out to cup Nathan's cheek with his free hand, kissing him sweetly as he kept his fingers locked with Mara's.

Charlotte had passed the baby to Dwight, and the sight was so sweet it was almost comical. Ren looked like a doll against Dwight's large body. He knew what he was doing though, and handled her with certainty borne of years of practice.

_'Audrey?'_

_'Hmm?'_

_'I hope Momma gives him_   _a baby. It_ _would be interesting to see what kind of mother she is when she's not just training a new scientist. And he loved Lizzy so much. He should have a child. He's perfect father material.'_

_'I agree. Just not our father.'_

_'No. I draw the line at calling a man younger than our son 'dad', but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Besides, he wouldn't want that anyway.'_

Mara tapped Charlotte's hand and nodded toward Dwight and Ren with a questioning expression. Charlotte looked momentarily surprised, but her smile turned sheepish and she shrugged. Hmm. So Charlotte hadn't ruled out the possibility. That made them happy.

"Duke?"

"What's up, beautiful?"

"Would you mind grabbing me something to eat and a bottle of water? I have to drink a lot while I'm nursing."

"Sure, what sounds good?"

"Just some of the frozen macaroni and cheese. That's all that sounds good right now."

"I can make you fresh."

"No, the frozen is fine. I want you here with us. Just slap it in the microwave and come back. Leave it to cook."

"Yes ma'am."

She smiled. "If wanting you in here with us makes me bossy, so be it. I'll be bossy."

Duke leaned in to kiss her. "I like it when you're bossy."

"Handy, that, since I don't seem willing or able to change."

He stood to get her food, grinning. "That's because the universe loves me."

Mara and Audrey were laughing as he walked out, but Nathan's smile looked surprised and a little teary.

"I never thought I'd hear him say something like that without being sarcastic. He was so depressed for so long, I didn't know if he even  _could_ be happy again. You two really can do anything."

They took Nathan's hand, pulling him in for a kiss. "Together we can do almost anything. But when we're with you two, we can  _really_  do anything. Just think how different things were less than a year ago. It seemed like we were all destined for unhappiness in one way or another. It was Ren who really fixed everything. Made me and Audrey friends, made you and Duke love each other again. And making peace with my mother-" she poked Charlotte with her toe, "has made us happier too."

Charlotte smiled at Mara. "I'm grateful every day that you forgave me. Or that you're trying to."

"No, I have. You were misled the same as me. I was angry, yes. But I do understand. It doesn't help to dwell on the bad parts that are over with. You know now that I wasn't what you thought, and you've done right by me since you found out. You thought I was doing something terrible, and you were trying to stop me. Hell, if my father had even talked to you about it, it could have been avoided. But it led me here, to these people," she took Duke's hand as he walked back in, "and that may not have happened if things had been different. I miss Alec every day, but I'm choosing gratitude over regret."

A cold, wet nose bumped her arm. "Oh! Echo, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude." She called for Duo with her mind. "Let's introduce you to Ren. You were such a big help when she was being born, I promise you a big treat tomorrow."

Duo came in, waving and smiling at Dwight and Charlotte. "Hey, you feeling better?" He leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"Yes, we're feeling fine, all things considered. But we wanted you to meet the baby."

Dwight handed her to Mara, and she gently unswaddled the baby and held her tilted so Duo and Echo could see her. She uttered a loud burble as Echo's nose touched her and they all laughed.

"What's her name?" Duo was touching her tiny toes.

"Ren. Ren Edana."

"Hi Ren. I'm Duo. I'm here to help protect you and your parents."

"He's kind of like your big brother and your uncle all in one. He'll always help you. Echo, too. She was my very first birthday present."

Nathan spoke up. "Speaking of presents, Duke, you think it's time?"

"Oh! Yeah, totally. I got distracted. Be right back." He dashed out of the room and Mara raised an eyebrow.

"Presents? You two don't celebrate Yule."

"Well, we do now. It's a family thing, and we're still learning. But this isn't a Yule present."

Duke walked back in, practically vibrating with excitement. "Nope. This is a 'You did an awesome job having our baby and we're so, so sorry we weren't there the whole time' present. Here."

He handed her a long velvet jewelry box, and she squeezed over to give Audrey room. They handed the baby to Duke and opened it together.

It was a pendant, understated but still exquisitely detailed. A silver fleur de lis was attached to a strong chain on both sides, and from the bottom a breathtaking oval fire opal hung, surrounded by delicate sliver filigree. The stone sparkled and gleamed like it was alive.

"Fleur de lis. A lily. How appropriate. It's beautiful. We love it- will you put it on for us?" They were trying not to cry, but it was a struggle. "Did you guys design it yourself, or did you find it somewhere?"

Nathan fastened the clasp behind her neck and pulled her hair out of the way as he answered.

"We were going to design something, but when we went in to the jeweler and he heard we wanted opal and why, he said he'd had this in the back for a long time. Said he wanted to sell it to the right person. We liked it better than anything we'd tried to design, so we figured it was meant to be."

She had to wipe the tears away before she answered. "It's absolutely perfect. You guys didn't need to give us a present. Thank you."

"You didn't have to give  _us_  presents. Especially since we left you stuck here alone. But you did." Duke argued.

"Those are wedding rings. I was going to give them to you no matter what. It just happened to be really good timing."

They snuggled farther into the blankets as Duke went to get their food from the microwave. They drank a full bottle of water and ate the food like they'd been starving for a month. When they were done, Nathan got rid of the trash and brought in a large sports bottle for their water. They were exhausted.

"I don't know if it's still snowing, but I'm sure the roads are hazardous. Would you guys like to sleep in the guest room for the rest of the night? We need to get some sleep."

Dwight stood, holding Charlotte's hand. "No, we're good. I've got the truck and they literally plowed as we were coming, so we should be fine getting home. We'll come see you tomorrow, after you've had time to rest. You did a great job. You made a beautiful baby." Dwight kissed her cheek and her mother followed suit, hugging her as well.

"If you need anything, please let me know. If you're in a lot of pain I can bring you some pain medication that's safe to take when you're nursing."

"That might be good. We're hurting, and I know it'll be worse tomorrow. I remember it was like most injuries- the third day is the worst, pain-wise, but you start getting better after that. So yes, thank you. That would be really nice."

"I'll bring it when we see you tomorrow. You girls did an amazing job. I'm proud of you both. I'm very, very lucky to have such amazing daughters."

The tears could have belonged to Mara  _or_  Audrey, but they didn't care who. They were happy.

"Goodnight, Momma, Dwight. We'll see you tomorrow. Just text me when you get home safe, please? Otherwise I'll worry."

"You got it. Don't worry. I'll take care of her."

"Take care of yourself, too."

"I do my best."

"Liar."

Dwight shrugged with a guilty smile that made them laugh.

When their guests had left, Duo headed for his room as Nathan set up the cosleeper they'd bought next to the bed and Duke laid Ren in it, careful not to wake her.

"Will you get a couple of the little gowns we got her? They're so much easier for changing her, and the sleeves have the little fold-over cuffs to keep her from scratching her face. The next time she wakes for a feeding and change, we'll dress her. It's plenty warm in here, but if her blanket comes undone I want her to stay warm."

As the boys went to get the clothes and change for bed, Mara set a sentinel orb to monitor Ren's breathing.

_'I guess this is better than the fancy baby monitor we got.'_

_'We'll still use that, Audrey, but while she's so tiny, I prefer a sentient guardian. She's already attached to all of us because of the Aether inside us, but SIDS scares the hell out of me.'_

_'Me too. But she's safe like this, right?'_

_'Completely. Crib death is almost unheard of on our world. We really don't have to worry, it's more to relieve our anxiety than it is to keep her safe.'_

They all argued about who should sleep where, but she ended up in the middle with Duke next to Ren and Nathan on the other side. They made a tentative schedule on who would rotate when so they both had time to sleep but one of them was always right there to change Ren or help Audrey and Mara feed her. Echo settled down on the end of the bed between their feet, curling so her nose was always pointed toward Ren.

As they settled down to sleep, Mara whispered, "Thank you all for being my family, You're everything I wanted and was too afraid to wish for. I love you so, so much."

Nathan and Duke joined hands over her belly again, and they all cuddled close together, safe and warm with their strange little family around them.


	42. Dynamics of Power

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggers for violence and non-consent. Because life isn't easy.

"There you are. Have you been hiding, or did you develop a speed habit since last time?"

Mara blinked, looking around.

Oh hell. She'd fallen asleep in her own head.

She adopted the most bored, unaffected tone she could. "Do you check every night? You should get a hobby, William. Maybe knitting. The needles are for more than stabbing people in the eye. You can actually  _make things_."

"Where have you been, Mara?"

They were in the  _Gull_ , the place empty, soft music playing from the juke box. He was using his 'friendly' voice. Never a good sign.

"Here and there. I don't sleep much. I'm sure if you think hard you can figure out why."

"Come on baby, we both said things we didn't mean. It's what couples do. "

"Huh. I don't remember the 'hurting and stabbing' section in the couples manual." Mara examined her fingernails, and furtively felt around with her mind, trying to find an easy, quick exit. Nothing. This dream was locked down. She'd have to hurt him to make him lose control of it. Unfortunately, he'd be on guard after their last few meetings.

"Oh, don't be a poor sport. I know you've missed me. You miss me like I miss you, I can feel it through the bond, Mara." William was speaking in earnest now, his hands at his chest. He truly looked like he meant what he was saying.

He was never more dangerous than when he was serious.

 _Stop, Mara. Take a breath. Yes, you've gotten used to having Audrey with you, but you lived for centuries before Audrey was a twinkle in the eye of the universe. There is nothing wrong with being alone. You're strong enough, and you're smart enough, and by gods, you have more to live for._   _He still doesn't know the bond is broken. You can do this._

Funny, even her internal voice sounded like Audrey now.

"Of course I miss you. I miss your smile. I miss your laugh. I miss when it didn't take blood to make you smile,  _William_. We've both changed."

"Don't say that, Mara. Nothing's changed. I saved you from a life of mediocrity. You playing house with those human deviants, hell, did you even know who the father was?"

Oh. He was expecting dogs or spiders. But they weren't her only weapons.  _Ren_. That beautiful, safe child who hadn't even left the  _Rouge_  yet. He could only hurt Mara here. All her beloved ones were safe at home. A new idea occurred to her, and she had to concentrate to keep her face expressionless.

"I'm not a whore, William. I know who I got pregnant by."

"Who was it, Mara?"

She leaned against the bar, the picture of ease as she stared at the man who haunted her.

"Do you remember the first time you came back here, out in the woods?" She held out a hand, showing him a picture of Alec. "Do you remember that boy?"

"I remember everything. You know that."

"His name was Alec. Do you know who his father was?"

"The human who was with you." He looked disgusted.

"No. No, not Jacob. I was pregnant when I came to this world. He was  _your_  son, William. Yours and mine. I gave birth here, but I conceived at home. The night under the tree."

William was very still, his eyes examining hers. She met his gaze evenly. She let him see the truth in her eyes.

"No. I didn't- I wouldn't. I'd have known."

She made the picture bigger, so William could make out facial features.  
"Golden hair. Texture like yours. His eyes, William. He looked just like you. And dear gods, he was brilliant. He loved to sing. He loved oranges. He asked me once why he didn't have a daddy. I told him you were off saving the world. Even with the way things were, as much as you hurt me that night, I wouldn't tell him to fear you.  _You_  were his father, William."

His voice was hushed and strained. "No. I wouldn't have killed my child."

"Ask daddy next time you cross over. It wasn't a secret. You killed your son- your firstborn son, all for the ability to use Aether."

She focused, creating a life-size version of her boy. The child looked up at William, saying, "Are you my daddy?"

It was almost better than the spiders, in a way. William's eyes were round and horrified, that friendly smile frozen as she watched his chest, his breath coming faster and faster.

"Stop, Mara." William whispered.

"Daddy dressed me in widow's rags so nobody would judge me for being an unwed mother. I gave birth in the lighthouse."

The little boy was still staring at William with a hopeful smile- he was just Mara's memory, but she had a damned good memory. "Mama said you were helping people. That you're so smart and that I get my hair and jaw from you." He stuck out his little jaw, trying to look more like William.

"Mara, I said stop.  _Now_."

His voice was trembling, just on the verge of losing control.

"Do the math, William. 40 weeks gestation, though he was early- and you know damned well I was a virgin that night. You're bright. Think it though."

She finally broke through his cool facade, and his face turned dangerous in the blink of an eye.

"I said  _stop_." He took a menacing step toward her, his posture screaming at her to run. But no- if she ran, if she screamed, it would only fuel him further. Time to be strong.

"Your son, William. That's why I couldn't go home. Our marriage laws are absolute. It didn't matter that you raped me, his very existence bound me to you legally, so Daddy helped me make a home here. No other man touched me.  _He was your son."_

"No!" William screamed the word as his hand flew out, punching her in the face. Her head snapped to the side, but she jerked to look back up at him immediately.

"Yes!" She used the abilities within her, calling up a dozen Alec's, surrounding them, all asking if their daddy loved them.

Once the children had distracted him, she elbowed him in the ribs, careful to act as though the motion hurt her too- she was still counting on the fact that he believed in the bond- and ducked away from him.

Damn, she'd forgotten how hard he hit. Her face was throbbing. But this wasn't the time for weakness.

"You found me collecting medicinal plants while  _our son_  played nearby. I never, never touched Jacob that way. Until the Barn and the fake personalities, I never let another man lay a hand on me. Do you want to see more?"

Without waiting for an answer, each hologram-Alec started dancing around, singing the songs she'd taught him to help identify medicinal plants, some singing the alphabet. It was a crazed cacophony of sound, all in the same sweet, small voice. One was doing cartwheels, others were playing games. But they were all undeniably William's.

"He was yours! You hurt me, kudos to you- but I carried and birthed that boy on my own. You don't like that answer? Then  _don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to!_ "

"Enough!" William roared. "Your mind tricks won't work, Mara; spiders and dogs, that's the best you can do anymore? That little half-breed was  _not_  my son!"

She stood tall, stomping toward him. "Alec was no half-breed! He was a pure Omni Sapien, gifted and perfect, and you  _slit his throat_  and let him bleed out in my arms because you thought it was funny! He was your  _SON,_  William! You said you wanted me to be your wife- not a wife, you wanted me as a conduit for the Aether. I'm worth more than that!"

Mara was furious, glaring at William from less than two feet away.

"You've gotten awfully mouthy. You don't speak to your husband like that!"

"I'm  _not_. I'm talking to the son of a whore who killed my baby. The man I believed was brilliant but couldn't even identify his own son!"

Mara was beyond crazed, her anger in complete control. She raised her hand to slap the face from her nightmares, but he grabbed her wrist before she could make contact, pulling her tight against him. The feel of him pressing against her made her stomach hurt, but he was still stronger than her physically, even in dream state.

"Let go of me!" She snarled, thrashing.

"I don't think I will. If you have that much aggression to take out, I can think of better ways." He squeezed her tighter, and it was like the tree; terrifying and humiliating and she felt  _helpless_. She felt stupid and absolutely horrified.

"Get your fucking hands off me or you'll lose them." Mara growled.

"Is that it baby? Do you need it rough? Huh? Don't be ashamed, Mara. It's a fine line between pleasure and pain."

"What you know about pleasing a woman could fit in a thimble, you incompetent, pathetic excuse of a man. You were the father of a brilliant, beautiful boy, and you  _slit his throat_  and laughed as your own blood soaked into the ground. You don't get a redo, William!"

His friendly facade cracked, and he was snarling, grabbing at her with rough hands."Maybe some pain will help you focus."

"You haven't hurt me enough, William?"

He glared now, truly angry. "Obviously not, if you're this out of control, you need to be reset. I know you better than anyone, Mara."

He slapped her again, shoving her down to the ground where he towered over with a nasty smile on his face. "I know how to hurt you in ways that the bond won't revisit on me."

He was on her in a millisecond, tearing at her clothes- a skirt and white shirt- something she was pretty sure she didn't actually own.

Mara pushed and scratched and clawed, but he was stronger than she was. It was just the same as the first time- no matter what gifts she had, he was bigger and she tried not to cry out- she knew better than anyone how much he loved the sound of suffering- but when she screamed despite herself, he'd hit her again.

Oh gods, if she'd just thought to protect herself before she slept. Exhaustion had taken her, though, and now she had to pay. Better her- well, her dreamself- than anyone she loved.

She struggled and fought, took every punch and slap, but she didn't cry. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Mara distanced herself emotionally even as the abuse continued. This was nothing she hadn't been through before, and it was dream-state this time. Audrey and their body and their family were safe at home. For Audrey, this would only be a distant dream.

She took the time where she was capable of rational thought to consider how to break the dream. Alec himself hadn't done it- close, but not enough. But if she could concentrate enough, she could find another way.

She tried pretending she was anyone but herself. Any of the personalities, anyone who could help her distance herself. The pain was bad, the knowledge that he was  _enjoying_  himself, taking pleasure from her body as he hurt her was sickening. But she could deal with it. She'd be strong enough to deal with it later.

When his body tensed and she knew he was already there, Mara marshaled all of her strength, praying that she was strong enough to do what she had to to get free. She just had to be strong for a few more minutes. Then she needed to be  _unstoppable._

William shook, his breath coming in grunts. Her whole body hurt, but although a few tears leaked from her eyes, she didn't break down sobbing, and she didn't go catatonic the way she had the first time.

He shoved himself against-  _into_ \- her a few more times for good measure. Insult to injury. She might hate him, but she knew him.

He smirked down at her, the picture of self-satisfaction. "You're as good as I remember, Mara." he said as he pulled from her battered body.

She rolled carefully to her side, hurting too much to scuttle away the way she wanted to. Taking a calming breath and thinking only of her family at home, she carefully enunciated each word, making sure his attention was directly on her as she pulled up every hint of reserve power she had at her disposal.

"And you're as lousy as you've ever been." She gestured over his shoulder with her chin, saying "I think you have a visitor."

William smiled as he zipped his fly.  
"What? Another copy of a dead child? Forgive me if I'm not quaking."

"No, William, not a copy of Alec. I loved him but he's gone. Our Paladin, Jacob."

William turned, suddenly faced with the behemoth that had been Jacob Hendrickson.

Mara wasn't sure how much of Jacob was memory and how much was that bit of spirit he swore with his dying breath would never leave her. But dear gods, he  _looked_ real.

Real and  _angry_.

Jacob grabbed the front of William's shirt and lifted William straight off the ground with that one hand. William's feet flailed, unable to reach the ground. Jacob looked at Mara with a sad, adoring expression. "It's time for you to get out of here. Next time, think to call on me first, Dragonfly." Mara nodded, struggling to pull herself up.

"Thank you, Jacob. I'm sorry to call for you- it is you?"

"I told you you could trust me. That I'd watch out for you. I will  _make_  him distracted. Get home. I'm always listening, Mara. But get out. Let me take care of this for now. I  _will_  see you again."

"I love you, Jacob. Thank you." Mara's words were whispered, but she knew he heard her.

She pulled herself up with a barstool, and after the third sound of fist striking flesh, Mara felt the weak spot and she jumped.

* * *

 

Their bed. Nathan on one side, Duke on the other, but she could still feel that touch. She scrambled down the center of the bed, running for the bathroom. She lost all the water she'd drunk at Ren's 6:00 am feeding, and she was shaking like mad.

Just a dream. Just a dream. He couldn't harm her. Thunder rumbled softly, the storm starting to roll in.

_'Mara. I'm so sorry.'_

_'I fucked up. I know better than to sleep in my own head.'_

Her body hurt so badly she wanted to lay against the cold floor. Nathan got to her first- but the horrified sound he made when he looked at her made her curious. She pushed herself up, fighting her protesting body as she made her way to the sink and mirror.

Mara couldn't even breathe for a moment. Her face , throat and what was visible of her chest were covered in bruises.

Even Audrey seemed shocked silent.

"Oh no. No, no no."

"What happened, Mara?" Nathan was careful not to touch her without warning, but his voice was filled with love and fear.

Duke had made sure Ren was resting comfortably and followed just a minute behind Nathan, just in time to see Mara pull her shirt off. She was bruised and beaten, purple splotches covering her face, arms and torso. "God Mara, what happened?"

"Will one of you fill the tub, and then I'll talk."

She stripped slowly, her muscles protesting, It should have just been dream-state. It wasn't like what happened at the apartment. Mara gripped the sink, forcing herself to watch the mirror.

Every slap, every punch was rendered in vivid technicolor.

She kept one arm on each of them as she stepped into the tub, letting them help her into the hot water. She was shaking, and even the hot water didn't feel hot enough. In fact, her trembling worsened, and the more she tried to calm herself, the more labored her breathing became. The ship rocked softly as the wind gusted outside.

The tears were still frozen in her eyes, but she stared down into the tub, looking at her body through the water. Bruises all over her arms and torso, on her thighs. Her sweet boys- her husbands- and Audrey were talking to her.

_'Mara, you have to talk. Talk to me if you're not ready to talk to them.'_

_'Did you see? Or were you asleep?'_

_'I saw, Mara. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I couldn't talk to you, I couldn't do anything.'_

"My own fault." Mara muttered as Duke's long, gentle fingers massaged shampoo into her hair. "I fell asleep first. I've been so careful to let any of you fall asleep and then I hitch a ride in your dreams. It's how he hadn't bothered me in so long. If I'm not in my head, he can't get to me while I sleep."

Duke's fingers stayed gentle as he rinsed her hair, and Nathan sat next to the tub, his voice grave. "William?"

"Yeah."

"Tell us what happened, sweetheart." Duke massaged conditioner into her hair before moving on to wash her back.

"He trapped me in a dream. I couldn't find the way out. He's always been better at that than me, but he was on guard, I couldn't just scare him and run. I- I told him that Alec was his biological son, thinking it would shock him enough to slip. He didn't believe me at first."

Gods, she was so tired. Every inch of her hurt. "I can tell you or I can show you. You know the Aether records." She held her hand up, letting the whole nightmarish experience play so she wouldn't have to say the words. Duke and Nathan looked sick, and Mara tried to focus on washing the rest of her body with her other hand. Technically, she should be taking a shower and not a bath- it hadn't been that long since she'd given birth. But she wasn't human, and she healed differently. Her belly wasn't nearly as swollen as a human's would be after delivery, and she was barely even bleeding. A bath wouldn't hurt.

Duke was still speechless, but Nathan was in crisis management mode. "Mara, if it was a dream, not a different timeline, like the apartment was, why is your body damaged?"

Sweet Nathan. His voice sounded strangled as he and Duke watched the horrific scene play out.

"I think he's getting closer. His proximity to me will affect the way the dreams impact the body. I swear, I swear I'm protecting Audrey. I won't let her hurt. Please believe me."

"I do believe you, Mara, but I'm worried about  _you_ , too."

Mara nodded as Duke exclaimed, "What the fuck is Dwight doing there?"

"Not Dwight. Jacob. The one I told you about."

"He looks just like him. Only his hair is different." Duke had washed her well, not even hurting her. He rinsed the conditioner from her hair with clean water and Nathan ran to grab fresh towels. Such sweet, loving men.

They both helped pull her from the tub, watching every movement to make sure they wouldn't hurt her. She didn't protest as they dried and dressed her in one of Duke or Nathan's button-up's, not even making faces as they set the absorbent liners in her panties so she wouldn't leak everywhere. They took turns, one holding her up while the other knelt to dress her.

Duke touched her face gently. "Is anything broken, Mara?

"Maybe a rib, and my face feels like it's on fire, but I won't be able to tell until the swelling goes down. I think I'll need Momma to bring the medication sooner than she had planned."

"We'll call and take care of it as soon as you're in bed, beautiful." He dried her hair as well as possible, and asked, "Can I carry you to bed or would it hurt you?"

_'Mara, if there was ever a time to let them take care of you, it's now. Please. You have to heal to take care of Ren.'_

_'It's your body too, Audrey. I'm sorry you had to see that. So sorry.'_

_'Don't apologize to me, Mara. We're together on this- together for everything. I just wish I could have helped.'_

_'You did. I was... I was afraid, and so used to you being with me, that when I talk to myself now it sounds like you. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you from the start. I feel lonely without you.'_

Their throat was tight, but even her internal voice sounded choked with tears.

_'I know, Mara. I understand fear. We're going to find him, cut his balls off and shove them down his throat until he chokes.'_

Mara tried to smile a little, holding her arms up so Duke could lift her. Gods, the aching was awful. He held her carefully and she rested her head against his neck as they made their way to the bed, where Nathan straightened the sheets and fluffed her pillows. When she was situated, Nathan laid his hand on her ankle. "Would you like some tea? Or maybe some cocoa?"

Examining his sweet face, Mara wondered how he managed it- being so caring and loving after everything,

"Tea -lukewarm- would be nice, but please don't take long. I just want to be with you, Duke, Audrey and Ren. Nothing else is more important. I don't tell you I love you enough."

Nathan's face was serious and his voice gruff as he replied, "You say it every time you look at us." His work-worn hands squeezed her ankle before he left the room to get her tea.

Duke sat next to her on the bed, slowly maneuvering so his arm was around her and she was cuddled into his side.

"I'm sorry, Duke."

"What on earth are you sorry for?"

"None of you would be suffering like this if it weren't for me. He's not after you, just me, and you happen to be in the way. I hate myself for it."

"Hey, you listen to me. Who do you trust more, me or William?"

She tried to rest her face against Duke, hissing at the pain. She turned and rested the back of her head against him instead. "I trust you more than anyone in the world, Duke."

"Then trust me when I tell you that none of this is your fault. If we wanted to play that game then you could just blame me and Nate for not just listening and trying to help you from the beginning. We could trace the blame through to the beginning of time, there would always be someone to blame. But the only person to blame is William, Mara. You didn't force him to- to do that to you. From the beginning, you were just trying to get away. But his malfunction is not your fault. It's just not. And none of it is going to change my-our- love for you."

"I hate that Audrey had to see. I'm glad she doesn't share my pain in dream-state. I'm trying to keep it from her now. Will you hand me my phone?"

As he handed over the phone, he murmured, "Audrey wouldn't want you suffering more to protect her. You know that. We all know that."

"Logically, I do know that. But rationalizing it with the way I feel- not so much."

Mara dialed Charlotte with shaking fingers. Gods, she felt so  _cold_  and she couldn't seem to warm up.

"Dove? Are you alright?"

I know it's kind of early and you didn't get much sleep, but would you mind very much bringing the painkillers you mentioned? I... there was an incident. I think maybe you should look me over, if you will."

"Tell me what happened, Mara." Her warm, sleepy tone flipped quickly into professional doctor mode.

"William found me in dream-state. He hurt me. But he must have been closer than I had thought, it affected our body. Please, Momma, I'll explain, but please come. Maybe bring Dwight if he's not too busy. I wouldn't mind seeing another Hendrickson right now."

"I'm on my way, baby girl. Just relax. I won't fail you."

It was almost enough to bring out the tears, but the thunder rolled ominously as Mara hung up.

Nathan brought her favorite tea-  _hers_ , not just Audrey's, and that made her want to cry too. But her body was too wound up, too afraid, and her eyes stayed dry.

"I should put some pants on if we're having company,"

"No, you're fine. You're in bed, you have blankets, and that shirt hangs to your knees. This is your safe place, Mara. Just relax." Nathan stroked her hair as he spoke,

Mara gave him a curious look. "You mean it, don't you? You don't hate me anymore."

Nathan gave her a sweet smile, "Of course not. I used to be scared of you, scared for Audrey. But I didn't know you. I was just reacting the only way I knew how."

She closed her eyes, trying to breathe slowly. "He's close. He couldn't have done this if he wasn't." Mara thought for a long moment, finally calling for Duo.

He was there in seconds, and she heard his breath catch, an angry growl building in his chest. "Who did this to you?"

"William. He caught me while I was asleep. But to cause physical damage, he has to he nearby. He still doesn't know the bond is broken. Will you just keep an eye out? He doesn't know Ren is alive, and he can't touch the  _Rouge_."

Duo nodded, brushing his fingers over her hand. "You got it."

"If you need or want help, tell me. You shouldn't have to guard us by yourself."

Duo gave her a serious look. "If I don't think I can protect you well enough on my own, I swear that I will tell you. I swear, Mara. But I'd like to focus on you guys right now. Me and Echo have this under control for now. Just concentrate on getting better." He bent to kiss her head, nodded solemnly to the men and quickly left the room.

"I don't know what to do. How to find him, how to kill him. I hate this feeling. I hate being the weak link. I want you and love you so much, but I endanger everyone I touch."

There was a knock, and Duke jumped up to answer it as Nathan wrapped her up carefully, trying to hug her without hurting her. "That's not true. I sleep next to you and Audrey every night and I'm better now than I ever was. You made that beautiful little girl right there. You got me and Duke back together. You repair what you touch, Mara. Don't blame yourself for William's actions. You've been punished once for doing good deeds- don't continue to punish yourself. I can't make up for what you went through today, but I can tell you- and you know when I'm lying- that you are the best thing that could have happened to us."

Charlotte and Dwight followed Duke in, both making sounds of horror as they saw Mara's beaten visage.

Charlotte understood already, and probably filled Dwight in, so there were no inane questions. Charlotte sat on the edge of the bed, all of her attention on Mara.

"Did you hit your head at all?"

"No. A few punches. Nothing that would equate with severe blunt-force trauma."

Charlotte checked her pupilary response anyway, and then her fingers began their examination, palpating her face.

"Dove, I need to open your shirt, alright? I can have all the men leave the room or just whoever you want."

"Guys, would you all mind going into the other room for a few minutes? I don't want to accidentally wake the baby."

Duke and Nathan kissed her cheek, leading Dwight out.

"Mara, how far do the injuries go?" Charlotte's voice was warm and comforting.

Instead of speaking, Mara unbuttoned her borrowed shirt, exposing her battered body to her mother, and Charlotte couldn't help the horrified gasp that escaped her lips.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry." The sorrow in Charlotte's voice was palpable, and Mara had to swallow hard.

"It was just dream-state."

Charlotte nodded along, letting Mara distance herself as much as she needed to. The doctor's hands were soft as silk as she examined her daughter.

"I can't say for certain without an x-ray, but there appear to be hairline fractures to the third and fourth rib and your left mandible. Lots of bruising, but there's no sign of internal hemorrhage. I understand that it was dream-state, that there was no actual exchange of fluids, but are you comfortable with an internal exam, Mara?"

Her reaction was immediate and almost violent. She jerked her shirt closed, scooting up the bed. "No. Absolutely not. I'm  _fine_. It's no different than the first time. I just need the pain meds."

Charlotte held her hands up in a submissive gesture. "It's okay, Dove. I won't touch you without permission. When we find him, I'm with you. I will always be with you. I was wrong, I hurt you and  _I am so sorry_. I can't make it up to you, I know. But I won't make that mistake again. Please, tell me, what can I do to make you feel better?"

Mara shuddered, trying to breathe normally. "Did you love me, Momma?"

"I did and I do. I made terrible mistakes, Mara, and I regret them every second."

"Did they tell you everything, Momma?"

"I believe so. What you told them, anything they thought was important to your recovery."

"Why... why am I so devalued? If I couldn't use the Aether, nobody would care about me. I was smart. I had such promise. Daddy replaced me. Nobody ever sent help. I could never, never turn my back on Ren. So why? Why am I so disposable?"

"You're not. I can only speak for myself, but  _I made a mistake_  and you paid the price for it. It wasn't fair, and you weren't guilty. I know that now. A simple apology won't fix it, I know that- but I'll keep working, Dove. I know I should have listened to you. I won't make the same mistake again. I love you, I've loved you since I first knew I was pregnant. I love you, Mara. I understand if you can't forgive me, but for the love of the gods, forgive yourself."

Ren made a tiny mewling sound from her cosleeper, and Charlotte brought her to Mara, settling the babe in her arms. Mara stared down at that tiny face, thinking that perhaps Charlotte had held Mara the same way, once. First one tear, then a trickle, and then a torrent; great, gasping sobs that shook her body and chased the torrential rain and wind away.

_'Ren won't ever have to fear what you did, Mara. She has all four of us, and we need you with us. I know it hurts, but if you let your past taint your future, Ren will be the one to pay. She told us that she talked to Alec and that he was helping. Obviously Jacob is, too. Yes, you're hurting and scared and I don't blame you. But you aren't alone, Mara. We have people all around us now. People who won't let us go. Our body will heal, and we will make him pay.'_

Mara took two of the pills Charlotte had brought her, fighting the pain and lethargy to get Ren latched onto her breast. She might be black and blue, but she was a mother, and nothing was going to keep her from caring for Ren.

"Thank you for helping me. I know there's no cast or splint. I'll be careful until I'm healed."

"Careful means  _rest_ , Dove. You have to let them care for you. I don't want you lifting any more than ten pounds at a time until you've had some time to heal, is that clear?"

"Yes, Momma." Mara whispered. "But once I'm well enough, when we meet again... he won't walk away."

Charlotte put one cool, soft hand against Mara's bruised cheek. "I think that's fair. Whatever you need, you tell me. I won't fail you again."

"Will you send the guys in?"

"Of course. I want you to eat, too. You need extra calories while you're healing and nursing. Please, Mara."

Mara nodded. "I'll do my best."

Dwight, Nathan and Duke trailed in, Nathan and Duke taking seats on the bed, one on either side of Mara.

"So how are you?" Duke asked anxiously.

"The only things broken can't splinted, I'm okay."

Charlotte shot her a withering look. "By 'okay' she means she can't lift more than ten pounds at once, she needs as much rest as possible, and she has to eat regularly and drink twice as much as normal. She has two cracked ribs and it's likely her jaw has a hairline fracture. Not serious enough to require surgery, but she needs to rest. If this boat is the only place that William can't touch, then I want her  _here_."

Charlotte handed Nathan a bottle of medication. "Give her two of these every 4 to 6 hours. If she's exhibiting a lot of pain, call me. Ice packs for her jaw and if her ribs get too sore."

Nathan nodded seriously, his brow furrowed in concentration.

"Dwight?" Mara asked.

"What is it, Mara?"

"Jacob would be proud of you. I'm proud of you, and I trust you. Thank you for coming. Something about Hendrickson's coming when I call- it's nice having people to trust."

Mara wiped the last of the tears from her eyes as she looked at the man who so resembled his ancestor.

"William was close this time. I know he goes back and forth, but the more he's blocked, the more he's going to show up. Please be careful."

Dwight stroked her hair. "You guys rest. Next time, he's not going to be able to walk away." Mara nodded, and Nathan led their guests out. She was so tired, but she was terrified to sleep.

_'He can't use Aether anymore. Can't we use that against him, as a way to protect you?'_

_'I- I hadn't really thought about it. But if he can't handle Aether...'_

Mara reached under her pillow, pulling out a pouch of orbs. She held the pouch, thinking as she fed Ren.

_'If we take in extra Aether before we sleep, maybe we can block him. I just have to turn the Intent inwards and make myself the Target. We can make it dormant again when we wake up. The science supports it... I guess we don't have much to lose. I have to sleep sometime. Not until after we feed the baby.'_

Duke had to help her move Ren to her other side to finish the feeding, but once she was full and burped, Mara took two orbs, crushing them in her hands and drawing them in, trying to use her old friend in a new way.

"We're going to try to sleep. I've tried guarding us with extra Aether. Either it will work or it won't. But Audrey is right, I need to heal so we can take care of you guys."

Duke stretched out, wrapping one arm carefully around Mara as Nathan changed Ren.

"I'll be watching you, beautiful. And if I have to be some kind of godling? You're going to help me learn to use my powers to protect you guys. Because I don't want anything other than what's in this room. I know most women wouldn't think what I'm about to say is romantic, but you aren't most women- I'm going to destroy him. He'll pay tenfold for everything he took from you."

Her eyes were heavy, but she managed to reply "I trust you. You and Nathan. I- we- love you."

She felt his lips in her hair and she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	43. Not Broken, Just Bent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is Just Give Me a Reason by Pink feat. Nate Ruess

Mara woke to something she'd never heard before. Sweet, quiet music in a lilting voice.

Audrey was  _singing_.

Mara was fascinated- she was always the one who was singing, she had a feeling Audrey had some kind of fear of singing in front of people. Silly, because she still had a lovely voice.

If only she were singing something other than N' Sync. To their  _child_. Mara loved Audrey dearly, but she questioned the universe often about how she'd developed such wildly different taste in almost everything. But the real problem was that Mara kind of liked some of the songs. They were almost painfully catchy.

There was no way she'd admit that out loud though, and if Audrey had somehow noticed, she'd never ratted Mara out.

_'Bye, Bye, Bye is Ren's first lullaby? Of course you'd wait for me to fall asleep to start brainwashing her.'_

_'Hey, you got some sleep. How are you?'_

_'Either the Aether worked or Jacob really beat the ever-loving shit out of William.'_ There was a smile in her voice and her heart felt a little lighter, no longer steeped in misery.  _'He was close enough to hurt me, which means he was close enough for Jacob to hurt him. Jacob has a lot to repay William for.'_

_'Thank goodness for true friends. Speaking of which, we've been fielding calls all morning. Lots of people want to see us and the baby. We've been putting them off until you're feeling better.'_

_'No, I think I'd like to see them. I'm not going to be ashamed of bruises when I'm the one still standing, still surrounded by family. Let's see our friends.'_

_'Are you sure?'_

She thought about Nathan and Duke, the dour, scared looks on their faces.

_'I'm completely sure. We can't let him rule our lives. I learned a lesson about safety. I'm tired of letting him hurt my heart.'_

_'I'm proud of you.'_

Mara blinked as Audrey moved to the side so they could stare at their daughter together.

Nathan walked in with her freshly-filled water bottle. She shot him a dazzling smile, ignoring the pain in her face. "People want to see us, I hear?"

He sat carefully on the bed next to her. "Mara, how'd you sleep?" His fingers skimmed her face gently, trying not to hurt her.

"I slept well, thank you. I was just telling Audrey that I think we should let our friends visit."

The little line of worry appeared between his eyebrows. "Are you sure? Charlotte said you should rest."

"I can rest and still see people. She said I can't lift more than ten pounds. I doubt anyone is going ask me to lift Dave or Vince."

"What the hell kind of conversation did I just walk in on?" Duke sounded disturbed. "Why would you lift Dave or Vince?"

"Exactly my point, thank you, Duke! Kiss?"

He leaned to kiss her softly, giving her an appraising look. "You seem... cheerful. How are you?"

She smiled again, lifting her face proudly. "I  _am_  cheerful. We have a beautiful, safe daughter, we have family and friends who love us, and our enemy just got his ass handed to him by someone I thought I'd never see again. Bruises, broken bones- he hurt me, but I know he's hurting  _more_. I'm not ashamed."

Duke's smile was vindictive and sharp. "That's my girl. That look on your face right now? That's the look I fell in love with. And back then, I was the  _only_  one who got to see it."

She chuckled quietly. "That's very true. Even then, you could always somehow make me smile. Now I share smiles- and  _you_ \- with Nathan, too. If you help me put some pants on and help us out to the couch, I want to see our friends."

Nathan still looked unconvinced, but Duke shrugged, still smiling. "Whatever you want. Did Audrey agree?"

"She did. Pants? Please?"

Duke was laughing as he reached into the closet, pulling out her softest leggings and sliding them over her legs as Nathan took Ren from her and text their friends. She stood a little slowly, but she was still straight and proud when they got her pants up. He paused with his hands clasped around her, behind her back. He looked at her intently. "You're the toughest person I ever met."

"As long as I have you guys, everything else is just details. I'm sorry I was so down earlier. I needed to think it out. I don't want to wallow in self-pity because a vile, terrible person wants to hurt me. They say you can judge a person as much by their enemies as by their friends. I think I have all the right people in the right categories."

"I love your brain."

"And I love yours. Would you please get me one of the nursing tanks out of that drawer, and a sweater in case it gets cold?"

"Yes ma'am."

She unbuttoned her borrowed shirt as Duke went to grab the requested items, and she turned slightly to look in the mirror.

She was splotchy purple and black, but she wasn't disgusted this time. This was the worst William could do? Beat her up? Try to humiliate her? Jacob had  _come back_  to help her, he'd said she would see him again. Their baby was safe in Nathan's loving arms, and they were all still together. He couldn't take her family or her town again, and if she had to fight him, if she had to get her ass kicked to learn a way to beat him for good, then these marks were something to be  _proud of_ , not ashamed of.

She squared her shoulders, smiling at her reflection. William could say whatever he liked about her- the fact was, she still had all her powers, committed partners, a beautiful family and he had  _nothing_.

She kept her smile as Duke helped slip the tank top over her torso. He was still staring at her, an inscrutable look on his face.

"What's that look for?" Mara pressed her hand to his face, fingers tracing the shape of his cheek.

"I'm always a little surprised by you. You've got such an immense presence, the both of you, and you somehow fit all of that into such a small body."

She looked very seriously into his eyes. "Because I'm a magic alien, Duke. And you married me and now you're stuck with me  _forever_. Me and Nathan and Audrey. Now you have magic alien cooties. Carry me?"

Nathan was laughing at the look of utter astonishment on Duke's face. There was literally nothing Duke could think of to say to that. After a moment, Duke picked her up, shaking his head. "Well, at least you're  _our_  magic alien. Nate, bring the pills and her water, she needs to take her medication."

She pressed her lips to his cheek, squeezing his neck. "I love you so much. I'm really grateful you're with me, that you haven't given up on me, that you're willing to go through this with me. I'm going to make it all worth it. I promise."

He stopped at the couch, but didn't put her down. "You already do. You already  _have_ , a hundred times over. I don't think you understand." He put her down gently, kneeling in front of her.

"After the joining, Mara... I was lost. Lonely. Every night I went to bed alone, thinking about how bleak everything was. Nate and Audrey had each other, but I- I was a wreck. I missed you, even thinking you'd played me, I missed having you around. Your jokes, the sound of your voice. I felt like maybe I'd missed out on my only chance to be happy with anyone who understood me, and that confused the hell out of me.

"There was no closure for me. I didn't know why you'd decided to let Charlotte do that- why you'd leave me when I was going to take you where you wanted to go. I felt guilty about exploding Troubles all over, I wasn't eating, I was drinking too much. When Audrey showed up with that pregnancy test, I was so grateful she didn't hate me, but part of me wondered what you'd have thought when you'd found out you were pregnant."

He reached up to run his hand through her hair, never breaking eye contact. "When Audrey said she was hearing you, I kept having the craziest, most self-absorbed thought that you were still here because of  _me_." He breathed a small laugh, blushing. "However you stuck around, I've been glad since you started talking to Audrey. I sent the strawberries to see if you remembered, if you were even thinking about the same thing I was."

"Oh Duke, of course I was. And I know I stayed because of you. I told you, it was never my intention to leave you. I think Ren helped keep me around too, and the Aether, but it was you who kept me focused. You were the first thing Audrey used to make me tell the truth. To admit I loved you."

"Really? She didn't tell me that."

"She was trying to earn my trust, and she didn't want to embarass me. Especially not then, I was so... angry and hurt and reactive. She wanted to help me. You know, I believed for so long that I wouldn'e be here by now- either that you guys would figure out a way to get rid of me or I'd be forced to kill myself because of the bond, to protect you all. But none of you ever tried to get rid of me- you refused when I tried to go. You broke the bond and now... I'm at the day I never, ever thought I'd see. You guys holding our baby."

"We're not so easy to get rid of, Mara." Nathan handed her two pills and her water, still rocking the baby in one arm.

She took the pills and smiled at Nathan. "You. I was so sure you'd never, ever be able to like me. Part of me wishes I'd talked to you sooner, that I'd been honest from the beginning. But we love seeing you and Duke together, too. Everything that's happened, all the hurt and fighting and problems, all of it led here. That's why I'm happy today. Because every fight gets us closer to being free."

Nathan leaned over to kiss her and she took the baby, tossing Duke's sweater over the arm of the couch. Duo called out, "Incoming guests. All marked. You need me?"

"We're good! Thanks, Duo." Duke didn't even look surprised anymore, and that made the girls happy. It was like Duo had been with them forever. Duke cuddled Mara into his side, leaving room for Nathan to take her other side when he came back with their guests. They obviously knew what had happened, but Vince looked murderously angry, and Dave vacillated between sadness and an anger that almost seemed more fiery than Vince's. Charlotte and Dwight followed with gentle smiles.

"I'm okay, guys. Meet our daughter. Ren. Baby, these are your Vince and your Dave. You can always trust them with anything besides games. They cheat terribly." Mara stage-whispered to the baby.

"I wouldn't have to cheat if he didn't start it! He was always the first to break the rules." Dave insisted.

"None of that, not if you want to hold the baby. Who's first?"

Vince leaned in to kiss Mara's cheek first, then said, "I'll take her. Dave has something we want you to see." He took Ren from Mara, his hands calm and certain. He'd been happier these last weeks, and whatever the reason, they were glad to see it. They looked at Dave.

He was blushing, reaching into a satchel. "It's today's edition of the  _Herald_. I wrote it a couple of months ago, but was waiting for a special day to print it." He handed one copy to Mara, another to Dwight and Charlotte.

Curious, Mara looked at the front page, read for a moment and gasped.

"I know we probably should have asked permission, but we thought... people should know. For themselves and for you, we should all know where we come from."

It was an article- several pages long- about the true founding of Haven, and the story of Mara Crocker, who had come here from far away to try and cure the afflicted.

Dave had told the entire town her story, all without selling out or endangering Audrey and their family.

This was what she'd wanted for so long- the chance to apologize and explain, for someone to know she had never meant to hurt anybody, and it was written so beautifully Mara and Audrey almost cried together.

"Oh Dave, Vince... this is the kindest, most thoughtful thing you could have ever done for me. This is what I always wanted. And you used my married name! I'm- I'm beyond honored. I'm thrilled, and I love this, and I love you both so much for doing this. I'll treasure it forever."

Now they were both blushing- their physical age may have changed, but their mannerisms had not. Vince rumbled, "We're petitioning to have it added to the annual Founder's Day celebration."

Mara laughed, wiping her eyes. "Congratulations, gentlemen. You managed to surprise me completely. Here I thought I knew everything I should expect from you and you go do something like this. You don't think they'll actually add it to Founder's Day, do you?"

Nathan and Duke were leaning into her sides, still reading.

"Oh-ho!" Dave crowed a laugh. "I bet the chances are pretty good, considering Vince's new paramour."

"Dave!" Vince blustered a warning, but now Mara and Audrey were curious.

"Oh? Tell us about her! Sit down, get comfy. Let's see who I have to start running background checks on."

"We already did our own background check, she's just fine." Vince hid his face as he looked down at Ren.

"But I bet you didn't do yours with Aether." Mara half-teased. Only half, because she really was going to be checking this woman out- Mara had no claim to Vince or Dave anymore, but she took their safety and well-being as seriously as ever. "Come on, spill."

Vince huffed before Dave could start talking. "She works at the Historical Society. She's fairly new in town, but she's been here before. Beverly Keegan's great-niece. Not the married one, that's Moira. Her name is Alexis."

Mara's eyes went wide. "You're dating the great-niece of the 'Queen of the Historical Society'? How does Beverly feel about that? Oh man, I bet Mrs Dankworth is going crazy. I am so glad we're on leave right now!"

Vince tried to look threatening and dour, but he chuckled, ruining the effect. "Beverly understands. Their family had enough of fighting, they're not about to turn on me because I'm not an old man anymore."

She smiled warmly. "Is she good to you, Vince? Does she make you happy?"

"It's early days still, but so far, yes. We're... having fun. We enjoy each other's company."

_'That certainly explains why he's been happier the last few weeks.'_

_'I- yes, of course. I'm just... it's habit now, I've never seen them try to date anyone. I want him to be happy. I'm still sending an orb to check her out. And if she's clean, to protect her. Unfortunately, because of his connection to us, Vince is a target. I can't let him lose anything else because of me."_

_'I agree on all counts. What are you going to do when Dave starts dating?'_

The idea made her heart ache, and she had to lock herself down from exhibiting a physical reaction.

' _I may need to start doing more yoga. I want him to be happy, but he was still mine once. He never, ever showed any interest in going after another woman while any of my personalities were around, and from what I understand, he pretty much spent the interim years waiting for me to show up again. I know I can't ever be with him again, I want him to be happy, but it's hard. You remember how you felt when you cured Nathan? How hard it was to let go of being his world? But I have to let go. Maybe I'll get a little time to get used to the idea.'_

"I'm so happy for you, Vince. Do you mind if I at least set some extra protection on her? With William close, I'd really feel better if I could protect the people we care about. I'd rather do it with your permission than behind your back, though."

"If it makes you feel better, go ahead. I wasn't going to bring it up, but since you already have, how close do you think he is?" He handed Dave the baby, ignoring Dave's signals to shut up. "How did he harm you like this, Mara?"

Mara couldn't help but smile a little- All the other people in the room were giving him absolutely lethal looks, but he ignored them completely, asking what he knew needed to be asked.

He was a perfect Guardian.

"He was either directly outside an open Thinny or he was here in Haven. Because of my rescuer, I think he was actually in Haven. I had counted on being able to feel as he got closer, but the bond is broken, there is no Aether in him for me to feel. I don't have the same warning that I used to."

"Your rescuer?" He cocked his head curiously, and even Dave abandoned his death glare to look at Mara.

Apparently they hadn't been told everything.

"Too many damn secrets. What did they already tell you guys?"

Dave spoke immediately, his words soothing. "Only that he'd broken into your dream and hurt you. We assumed it was like what happened at the apartment."

"Not like that. At the apartment, all of that was real. He couldn't kill Ren, though, and she managed to bring them back and push us into another place. This time was just a dream- he can't actually touch or see the  _Rouge_  or anyone inside it. Our body was damaged because he's an excellent dream-walker and he was too close. Maybe within 10 miles of me. If I had to guess, he was probably in my old apartment, since the essence of me is still all over that place and he set the dream in the  _Gull_.

"But yes, I did have a rescuer. I hadn't been able to break his focus, to get out of the dream. So in desperation, I did the last thing I could think of. I called for Jacob Hendrickson."

Everyone but Nathan and Duke looked confused. Mara held her hand out, and started the dream as far in as possible- they'd know what happened to her because of the coarse words and William zipping his pants, but they wouldn't see it, and she had to let them see Jacob show up.

They were all fascinated, watching in silence, though Mara could see Dave's hands fisted, knuckles white with strain.

"So was that, I mean, was  _he_  real?" Dwight asked.

"I wondered that too, at first. But yes. Jacob didn't lie, he managed to stay near me somehow. I had to call on him to give him the strength to break through and be seen, but he never left me. He told me I would see him again, and I've been wondering how. There must be something I can do, some way to give him the ability to be seen and felt."

Dave stood to hand the baby to Charlotte, coming back to kneel in front of Mara. "I don't want to hurt you, but can I give you a hug?"

"Oh Dave, you know I'd have to be a lot worse off than this to refuse a hug." She leaned a little, holding her arms out and he raised up, rubbing her back and kissing her hair.

"I'll kill him." He whispered in her ear. "Or beat him to the edge of death so you can heal him and I can do it again."

She smiled against his neck. "We may have to do that, since it seems everyone wants a piece of him. But I'm okay, Davey. I really am. I'm stronger than him."

"I know you are, but he's still going to pay." With another gentle squeeze, Dave stood, nodding sheepishly at Nathan and Duke before he took his seat, blushing slightly.

"Another incoming, already marked. What do you want me to do?"

Mara dropped her head against the couch back with a resigned sigh. "That can only be Gloria. Let her in, but if she tries to rile me up, be prepared to escort her ass right back out, please."

"You got it, boss."

_'She'll behave. Probably.'_

_'Behave, or behave as well as she ever does? There's a big difference, Audrey. I don't have the patience for her crap if she's difficult.'_

_'Well, if she doesn't, Duo has been looking forward to kicking someone out for ages.'_

Mara had her smile back, Ren deposited safely in her arms as Duo led Gloria in, rolling his eyes and making faces at Mara where Gloria couldn't see him. Mara discreetly unsnapped one side of her shirt, getting Ren latched quickly. It was nice being able to nurse in front of people without having to hide under a blanket. She hoped whoever had invented these shirts had made a fortune.

"You did have the baby! Congratulations! I was wondering when the weather was all crazy, and then I couldn't get ahold of anybody, so I guessed." Gloria froze as she actually looked at Mara, arms and chest and face very visible in the nursing tank she was wearing. Gloria put a gift bag on the table, taking the seat Dwight pulled up for her as she said, "I'm going to guess those bruises aren't related to the birth?"

Mara turned a calm eye on Gloria. "Nope. Unrelated. Ren was born at 12:34 am. The guys almost missed it because of the weather, but they made it just in time. She's 6 pounds, 13 ounces, 19 inches long."

"Congratulations to all of you. Now tell me how you got hurt so I know who to kill."

Surprised, Mara tilted her head at Gloria. "When did you start worrying about happened to the magic alien?"

"When she became my daughter-in-law. Duke's as much of a son to me as if I'd carried him myself, and you make him happy. I'm guessing the story Vince and Dave ran is all true, isn't it?"

"It is, but I didn't know they were going to do it. It's the one thing I wanted that I couldn't have- the chance to apologize and tell everyone I never wanted to hurt anybody. It was one of the most thoughtful gifts I've ever received. William hurt me. Early this morning, while I was sleeping. About 8:00."

"I thought nothing can get in here, that's why you did the thing with my neck when I came the first time after you moved in."

"Physically, nothing can. He invaded my dream, because I was exhausted and didn't focus on protecting myself before I fell asleep. Generally, what he does to me in dreams wouldn't affect me physically, but he was very close this time, so the damage carried over."

Gloria studied her for a moment, and Mara saw her lip quiver and the faint sheen of tears in her eyes. This time when she spoke, her voice was naked- no games, no pushiness- it was the voice of a mother. "I'm so sorry he hurt you, sweetie. Nobody hurts my kids and lives. Tell me what I can do, name it and I'll find a way."

"I wish I knew. When I'm better I'm going to have to find a way to draw him out. Once we find him, we can kill him. But it's going to have to wait til I'm well, because  _I'm_  the only bait he'll respond to."

"Oh the hell you are." Duke growled. "You're not going to be bait to lure that psychopath out. The chances of us putting you in that kind of danger are zero. Think of something else."

"Like what, Duke? He's not Wile E. Coyote or Elmer Fudd- he's not just going to traipse down a street following signs that say, 'This way to Mara'. You can't just drop an anvil on his head. Well, you technically  _could_  just drop an anvil on his head- you can kill him a thousand different ways- but getting him to where he can  _be_  seen and killed is a different story."

_'Wait, Mara. The Aether. He can't use it or sense it. Could you make an Aetherling who looked like you? Especially if he doesn't know the bond is broken, he's just fooling himself into thinking he can sense you.'_

_'The idea has merit. I guess the worst that could happen is him not falling for it. We'd have to have her walk around town for a few days or weeks, he has to be watching or have someone else watching the town. I can create an Aetherling and ask if they'd be willing to do that. You know how I feel, I won't force it if they don't want to.'_

_'It can't hurt to ask. Talk to Duo first, he can probably tell you.'_

"Duo? Audrey has an idea, but I want to ask what you think about it first."

He came to sit in front of her, resting a hand on her ankle. "Go for it."

"If I were to form an Aetherling who looked like me, do you think they'd be willing to go around town as me for awhile, to see if he can be lured out?"

"I know I'd have been willing, I can't imagine other Aether feeling differently. I think it's worth a try. He can't hurt us, he has no connection to us anymore."

"Would you get me one of my pouches, Duo?"

His smile was absolutely radiant. "Anything for you."

She shook her head and laughed as he melted into the ship again, causing their guests to gasp and murmur to each other.

Mara turned her head to address Nathan with a smile. "Again, I blame you for that."

"Don't blame me for having a good memory. Blame Duke. It's  _his_  behavior I remember!"

She smiled and tilted her head up for a kiss. "He's exactly what I said from the beginning, Nathan. Exactly what would happen if you and Duke had a child together."

Ren finished nursing and Mara had Duke burp her while she fastened her shirt back up. Gloria came over to coo at the baby, raising an eyebrow when she saw Ren's eyes. "She's beautiful, you three. She sure does have Duke's eyes, doesn't she?"

"Gloria, I'm going to be using Aether. Everyone else has seen this, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"You won't. If I can deal with Vince and Dave being young again, nothing can surprise me."

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

She crushed the first orb and sent it after Vince's new girlfriend, and held the second orb softly, considering. She wasn't going to force her form on it until she knew if the Aether was willing. If it wasn't, she would just return it to dormancy and think of a new plan. Either way, she would never force Aether to do something it didn't want.

Mara was  _not_  William.

She had just crushed the orb, holding her hand out and letting the music of  _Form_  play in her head when she saw the dragonfly zip past. The Aether had begun to float upward, dancing itself into a form when it suddenly stopped and reversed the direction of the dance. The air felt heavy and charged, Duo ran up behind her to put his hands on her shoulders protectively when the ship rocked, loud static that reminded her of the music of the Void making several people cover their ears. Dwight leapt to his feet and Duke's eyes flashed to silver, but Mara distinctly heard Ren cooing.

Bright light filled the room, but she never looked away. The moment she  _saw_ , she froze, wondering for a moment if she was still dreaming.

Then the light faded, and Mara stared in rapt fascination.

Jacob Hendrickson stood in their living room, just feet from his nephew. He lurched, unsteady on his feet, and sank to his knees in front of Mara, taking her hand.

"I told you you'd see me again."


	44. Reach Out and Touch Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own it, but if they're not going to be using it...
> 
> Song for this chapter is 'Your Own Personal Jesus' Depeche Mode version

Heedless of her injuries, Mara threw herself at Jacob, feeling the Aether cushion her as his arms wrapped around her. Tears poured down her face and even Audrey seemed stunned silent. Jacob just held her as she cried, and it was several moments before she could utter a coherent thought.

"Jacob. How?"

He bobbed his head from side to side, thinking. She could see why Duke had thought he'd been Dwight- she never thought about it, but they truly did look very much alike.

"I've always been around, watching and listening, but I couldn't find a way through, and Alec has needed me, so as much as I wanted to  _help you-_ " he shot a sharp glance at Charlotte- "I knew you'd want me to take care of Alec. I swear I wanted to help, Mara, I just didn't know how. I would never have let them lock you up like that, never."

"No, no, shh. It's okay, Jacob."

"It's anything  _but_  okay. What happened to you is sick, it's unimaginable. Every day that I watched I was more angry."

"It's over, Jacob. I forgave her, I had to. I couldn't live with the hate anymore. You've been with Alec? Ren said she was working with him when I was still pregnant. How is he? Can... can he see me? Hear me?"

Jacob smiled  _her_  smile, the one he never gave anyone else. "We thought raising him on this side was hard. He's a handful and a half now. Of course he was helping her, keeping him from helping you is as hard as keeping you from helping everyone else. He's as stubborn as you ever were. He's fine, and I left him in good hands before I made the decision to try and push through. Sorry about interrupting what you were doing, but I took the chance when I saw it. Sure am glad it worked."

Mara wiped at her eyes, crying and laughing at once. She knelt up, pulling from Jacob's embrace but keeping her hands on his arms. "I'm sorry, I'm being terribly rude. Jacob, meet Nathan Wuornos, Duke Crocker, Duo, Dave and Vince Teagues, Gloria Verrano, Charlotte Cross and Dwight Hendrickson. Audrey is with me, of course. Everyone, this is Jacob."

They looked around the room at the frozen forms, all of them stunned into silence. Jacob tried to hide his grin as he addressed them. "The husbands. The Aetherling. The brothers. The doctor. The mother. And my nephew." He rose from the floor, helping Mara back into her seat on the couch. "Sit down, Dragonfly. You've got to rest, I can meet them without using you as a human shield. Besides, I still think I could fit you in my pocket."

She laughed at the almost-forgotten joke, the teasing she'd missed so much. She settled back into the couch, taking Ren back as she watched Jacob make the circuit, her past and present colliding in the middle of their living room.

He started with Nathan, as she had. He met Nathan's eyes seriously, but smiled warmly as he shook his hand. "I'm very pleased to meet you. Thank you for taking such good care of her- of  _them_."

"It's been my pleasure. We've heard so much about you."

Jacob nodded, moving to her other side to take Duke's hand. "Duke." His voice was warm and as he shook Duke's hand, he gripped Duke's shoulder with his other hand. "I owe you a very special debt. You were the first to see her, the first to listen. You kept her alive when she would have died. Anything I can ever do for you, I give you my word I will always help you any way I can."

The silver faded from Duke's eyes as he felt the utter sincerity from the other man. "She saved me, too. I've never done anything for her that she didn't deserve ten times over."

"Knock it off, I'm right here and you're making me blush, both of you."

They continued to grin at each other and Jacob clapped Duke's shoulder before he nodded and moved on to Duo. "You've changed. You're becoming more than you were, and you started off quite special. Soon you'll be more like Mara than any Aetherling. You're a good man, and you've cared for them as well as anyone could. You have my thanks, Duo."

Duo ducked his head and blushed, nodding. "We've heard a lot about you. It's great to meet you."

Jacob smiled, patting Duo's back in a fatherly way as he turned to Vince and Dave.

He shook each of their hands, staring at them. "She chose the Guardians well. You've both done so much for her, and I'm grateful. No more secrets though, huh? She can only work with what she knows. I understand you're being honest now, I just want to remind you."

He moved on to Gloria, bowing and kissing her hand as she flushed and blinked spastically. "Such a lovely lady, and a doctor. Haven truly calls only the most beautiful healers."

Mara had to struggle not to laugh as Audrey howled hysterically inside her.

_'I have never, ever seen her all... I think she's drooling, Mara!'_

_'Remember when I taught you about manipulating people by throwing them off? Jacob was my first teacher. I was young and innocent and far too honest when I got here. He helped me a lot.'_

Gloria's cheeks were flaming red, but her voice sounded almost normal as she said, "If I was thirty years younger..."

"Oh, dear lady- you forget, I'm much older than you are." Jacob's eyes sparked mischievously as he winked back at Mara. She had to squeeze Nathan and Duke's hands to keep her laughter contained.

Until Jacob's gaze turned on Charlotte.

Mara could see him tense, the tiny, familiar movements that signaled his distress. She was prepared to call him off, but she prayed that he'd listened to her when she'd told him she had forgiven her mother.

He didn't offer his hand, instead crossing his arms as he looked at her. "So you're Mara's mother. I met her father a few times, and I often wondered about you. There's much- very much- I would like to say to you, but as I said, I have been watching, and I know that you've done what you could to make amends for your past failings. I respect that, and I respect Mara too much to be discourteous to someone she cares for. May I request something of you?"

Charlotte was obviously nervous, but she said, "Of course."

"Should you speak with her father again, would you kindly deliver a message?"

"I- certainly. What do you want me to tell him?"

Jacob's eyes tightened as he spoke. "That while you simply made a mistake- one that cost her dearly, but still a mistake- his abandonment has not gone unnoticed, and while I forgive mistakes, should James come through again thinking to use Mara to further his studies, I will make imprisonment in the Void seem like paradise." Jacob sighed, reaching out to shake Charlotte's hand and Mara released the breath she'd been holding, her body relaxing. "I am pleased to meet you, Dr. Cross."

"And you. Thank you for protecting my daughter when I... when I didn't. I am more sorry than I can ever express."

Jacob gave her a small, sad smile. "A mistake, my lady. Something that humans are not alone in their weakness for. If Mara has forgiven you, I will respect her decision. She believes you are worthy of her love, and so you must be."

His smile turned almost humorous as he moved his eyes to Dwight. "Hundreds of years between us, and yet another Hendrickson has found another Cross woman. I am very pleased to meet you, Dwight. My brother loved Mara like a sister. He would be very proud to know that you turned out so well. And your daughter is an absolute delight."

That caught Dwight off-guard. "My daughter? What- how do you know about my daughter?"

"Dwight, she may be a young girl, but she's a Hendrickson. She was no more willing to leave you unprotected than I was to leave Mara. She's never left you. I left Alec in her capable hands to come here. She's safe and well, and made me swear- she called it a 'pinky swear', to tell you that she loves you and will never leave you."

Dwight reached behind himself, feeling for the chair and sinking down into it, a hand over his eyes. He gazed at Mara imploringly. "Is this real? Is he real? Is it true?"

"He's real, Dwight, and Jacob never lies. A lot of this is news to me, too, but I swear, if you trust me, you can trust Jacob." A tiny smile played at her lips. "He would never even tell a white lie, so unless you want the absolute truth, never, ever ask him how a particular outfit makes you look."

"One time, Mara! One time, and that dress was not your color. It made you look sickly." He looked at the others, "It was a pale green, and she was always sleep deprived and so pale. I bought her a lovely red dress to make it up to her. Women have unerring memories, gentlemen. Never forget that.

"But I give you my word, Dwight- I am here, and your beautiful Lizzy is still will you. She even has a cat- I truly don't know how that happened except perhaps Alec made it  _more_ , but she is never without protection- not that she needs it. I would not have left her with Alec if I didn't have complete faith in her abilities. The girl is a born Paladin."

Dwight stared up again. "Will you be- staying? Are you human again? Could Lizzy and Alec be brought back?"

"I can't answer those questions, nephew. I took what I'd learned about Aether from Mara and prayed. I made a calculated risk that seems to have worked, but Mara will have to run a full series of tests on me to tell more. After this morning, I was desperate to cross through. Duo is an amazing guard, and so much more than a simple Aetherling, but I was here for the start of this fight, and I must see it through. For all of you."

"I'll do the tests, and I swear if I can bring them back, you know I will. I promise. I want you to meet Audrey now, and then I have a thousand questions for you. I just need to move back, so she can come forward. So Jacob, meet my sister, Audrey."

Audrey blinked at Jacob, and he smiled at her, taking her hand and kissing it. "You're the one she calls the 'Miracle Soul'. You made room, understood that she had a right to her body. You protected and defended her when you understood she needed it. You're truly special, and I'm honored to meet you."

Audrey's eyebrows lifted. "She calls me that?"

"She does, among other complimentary things. Lizzy had to explain 'Barbie' to me, but even I could understand the others. She loves you and values your companionship. You helped her. I am also in your debt."

Audrey smiled at him. "We were wrong about her, and we've done our best to make it right since we found out. She's worth it, and I'm glad she's with us. She helped us as much as we helped her. But It's great to meet you. I've only ever seen you through her memories. It's kind of amazing, you being here."

"It's amazing to be here. To be seen. I've witnessed so much but not being able to communicate with you has been... painfully frustrating. So often I've wanted to step in and help, to stop what was happening. The last year has been a great relief in many ways- seeing my Dragonfly freed, seeing the way you opened up your lives to her- it was like breathing after hundreds of years without air."

He settled on the floor, leaning against Mara's legs and stretching his legs out in front of him. He looked up at Nathan with a brilliant smile. "I was so proud when you destroyed that damnable Barn. Byron had been a slave to it, and while his death was regrettable, the freedom it granted his spirit was a gift. He hated what he was being forced to do. He wanted to protect Mara, but it haunted him, knowing she'd been innocent. Allowing himself to be tied to the Barn just to protect her was his way of making amends."

Mara touched his hair softly, requesting his attention. He stared up at her with that same old grin and her heart twisted. This was a day of amazing gifts.

"Jacob, will you tell us more about Alec and Lizzy? Did he suffer? Is he happy where he is? I'm grateful that you've cared for him for me. Did he choose not to move on, or did he somehow get trapped?"

"He chose to stay. In the moment where you shift from 'life' to 'afterlife' you attain a large amount of information that wasn't previously available to you. Alec realized that William was his biological father, and he was absolutely insistent that he stay and watch over you. I give you my word he suffered no pain, Mara. He was afraid, but he feared for  _you_ , not himself. He fretted so much about he and I having to leave you both at once. Keeping him calm was a full time job at first.

"Then we saw what that s-" Jacob looked around and swallowed whatever he was about to say. "Forgive me, it's not my intention to curse in front of ladies. We saw what  _William_  was doing to Mara's Gifts, yet we still didn't know how to break through. When you were taken to that Barn though, Dragonfly... I was beside myself with fury, but Alec was in a rage like I'd never seen from the boy. He's always been so good natured, so calm and reasonable. Like you. As sweet as a person can be until he reaches the end of his patience, and then you both erupt. "

He patted her knee, resting his head farther back to meet her eyes. "We both managed to calm down as much as possible, but we never stopped watching, never left you alone. I wish you had seen the smile on his face when the Barn died. When Duke jumped after you, Alec was convinced that Nathan and Duke were true 'superheroes'.

"He was very upset when you gained control of your body but were out of control of your emotions. He wanted to help you. He wanted anyone to help you. He kept faith that the men who destroyed your prison would learn to know you, and that they would help you once they saw the good in you."

"They did help me, Jacob. They gave me a chance."

"We knew you were with child before you did, and when your mother 'joined' you with Audrey, we feared shortly that you had died. When you didn't show up with us, Alec realized that Duke and your baby had kept you alive, that you were simply healing, hidden inside your body. He's been so much happier since- seeing you happy has made everything better for him. That daughter of yours, she's amazing, and Alec is thrilled to be a brother. Since you brought them to the crypt and introduced them, he's been calling Nathan and Duke 'Daddy'."

Mara took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm so relieved that he's okay. There's so much I wish he hadn't seen, but it doesn't help to mope about it. But what about Lizzy?"

Jacob chuckled. "She's a spitfire. She followed Dwight to Haven and has rarely left his side since. She felt no pain, she remembers no pain or fear from her death, I promise you that, Dwight. She's a joy to be around. She is of the opinion that you work too hard, and she wishes you still had a garden."

Jacob hesitated, a sad look crossing his face. "She didn't want to tell you at first, but I've tried to explain that even 'white' lies can be harmful in the long run. Her mother is not someone you should... miss or regret not staying with. She was not an understanding person, and she held your afflictions against you and Lizzy both. Like many people who are ignorant of the truth, she feared the Gifted, and where fear goes, hate follows."

He looked up at Dwight from his position at Mara's feet. "I give you my word, if Mara's tests reveal that I can stay here like this, I will bring you your daughter. She has much to tell you, stories and songs she's kept in her heart for 'when she talks to Daddy'. A soul as strong as hers will not give up. We'll find a way."

They gave Dwight a minute to absorb before Mara couldn't wait any longer. "Jacob... what happened with William after I got out?"

His gentle, good-natured face changed in an instant. He smiled vindictively, cracking his knuckles absentmindedly.

"I hurt him, Mara. I hurt him badly. I had hoped to kill him, but when his dream-self neared death, he disappeared from the dream. I assume it's a bit like the dreams people have of falling, that wake them up just before impact. But I believed it was worth trying to kill him in dream-state, that there was a chance it would end him physically. He'll be unable to hurt or bother you for some time, Dragonfly. As you said earlier, he was close enough to hurt you, which meant he was close enough for me to hurt  _him_."

He clambered to one knee, raising a cautious hand to her face as he looked into her eyes. "I was intent on hurting him a hundred times worse than he hurt you, and I give you my solemn vow-  _I did_. Every bruise, every broken bone, Mara, I gave him countless of his own. Had he been human, he'd likely have died of his injuries within hours of waking."

Mara smiled softly, touching Jacob's cheek for a moment. "Thank you, Jacob. If we just knew where he was, it would be a perfect time to go after him. But I'll happily take the knowledge that we'll have a little peace."

She took Duke and Nathan's hands again, already considering the next step. "Jacob, do you mind if I set some Aether to begin the tests on you? The sooner it starts, the sooner we'll have the answers we all need."

Jacob laughed heartily. "I had to practically  _beg_  her to use the Aether on me the first time, when she gave us our Gift. I badgered her for three days, did she tell you that? She was terribly reluctant, though she knew how necessary it was. Of course, Mara, do whatever you wish. I trust you completely." He was already unbuttoning his shirt, and she had to laugh a little as she took another orb from her pouch, crushing it and pressing her hand to his chest. She cuddled Ren in her other arm, holding her close to breathe in her sweet scent.

_'Audrey, there's a possibility we could bring Alec back. But I don't know how any of you would feel about that. I only just started to really understand my own place here. Will you guys want my son around? Will you be able to love him as much as you do Ren, Audrey? Because I'm not alone anymore, you'd be his mother too. You've made jokes about Ren being an only child- what would you do, how would you feel about suddenly having a six year old son?'_

She was talking too much, too fast, but the idea of seeing Alec had hooked itself into her bones. She wanted it so much it physically hurt, but she was inexplicably, horribly afraid that the rest of her family  _wouldn't_. That her past and present wouldn't be allowed to coexist peacefully. In truth, it wasn't even Nathan and Duke she was afraid of- she was fairly certain that both of them would welcome her son with open arms, given their own histories.

Audrey, though- she'd already had to give so much- half her life, all to make Mara feel wanted and loved. She'd gotten so much from them already, how could she possibly ask for more?

_'Mara! Stop, stop, you're panicking and you don't need to, you have nothing to be afraid of. I was an orphan, Mara. I would never, never turn a child away, especially not your child. You're more than my sister, you're a part of me, and we all love and want you. Of course we'll want Alec. If there's any way to bring him home, Mara, we're going to do it together. If he wants to look at me like an Aunt, that's okay, and if he wants to look at me like another mother, like Ren does, then I'll be honored. Please believe me, your son belongs here as much as any of us. We want you, I want you and Alec, I swear to you.'_

_'I've asked you for so much already, Audrey. You all give so much just to let me stay, you suffer with me, I'm trying to keep the pain away from you, but it's your body that's hurt, too. How much can I do, can I ask, before it's too much?'_

She had to wipe her eyes, and she wasn't sure if Duke saw her or just sensed her distress, but he stood, bending to pick her up, Ren still tucked safely against her chest. "Excuse us for a few minutes, visit among yourselves. Come on, Nate." Duke strode to the bedroom quickly, sitting on the bed and holding Mara close against him.

"Tell me what's wrong, sweetheart. I can see you tearing yourself up, talk to us."

She closed her eyes, shaking her head. "I don't want to sound ungrateful. I don't want to have to ask you for more. You didn't sign up to take me, but you've all worked so hard to make me a place. I know it's not even a certainty that it's possible, but can... can you make a place for Alec, too? Can you all accept my son as your own? I know how much I'm asking and I know it isn't fair."

Nathan spoke before Duke could. "No, what wasn't  _fair_  was you losing Alec in the first place." He sat as close to her and Duke as he possibly could, placing a hand on each of their legs. "I'm pretty sure I can speak for Duke on this, that he feels exactly the way I do. If there's a chance, even the faintest spark of a chance, Mara, we are going to bring him home and give him the family he deserves. "

Mara stared into Nathan's eyes. They were calm and certain, not a trace of doubt to be seen. She turned her neck to look at Duke, still tucked into his arms.

"Nate's right. I do feel exactly the way he does. I was honored when you introduced us to him in the cavern and told him he had daddies. I wanted to wake him up and bring him home, beautiful. When Jacob said Alec was around and I realized it was a possibility, I knew we had to try. Between the four of us, Mara, we're going to bring Ren's big brother home.  _Our son_. Biology doesn't make a father, Mara. We  _want_  to be his dads."

"And Audrey probably already told you the same thing, didn't she?" Nathan squeezed her knee, one of the few areas that wasn't bruised, as he gave her a teasing grin.

Mara looked down at the baby, blushing. "Kind of. I'm sorry. Maybe it's hormones. Everything got so crazy so quickly and I miss him so much, I kind of spiraled out of control. You guys and Audrey, you're everything I want him to have. I just want him back  _so much_ , and seeing Jacob back, looking as healthy and well as the day before he died, even teasing me about the same things, all I could think about was how to make it last and how to bring Alec back. And Lizzy, of course." She smiled faintly. "It's like a cosmic 'up yours' to William, the idea of bringing back people we lost because of him."

Nathan smiled back, but he looked serious as he said, "I  _want_  Alec to grow up here, with us. You both belong with us, we're a family."

"What you just said, what you're feeling right now, Nathan?  _That's how Garland felt about you_. We've all told you how much he loved you, but now you're in his shoes. Do you understand? He chose to be your father. He loved you that much. He may have been terrible at communicating it, but he loved you so much."

Duke nodded, placing a small kiss on the back of her neck and reaching to wrap his hand around Nathan's. "It's true. She's right."

Nathan, gods love him, look stunned. He hadn't seen how identical the situation was, couldn't imagine Garland feeling love as strong as Nathan already felt for the little boy who'd just been born to the wrong father. But Garland _had_  taken Nathan and his mother in, and when Nathan's mom had died, he'd kept Nathan and never, ever told him about the monster who had actually sired him- because to Garland, the genetics were meaningless. Like Mara had once said, a few chromosomes in common didn't make a man a father. Love and commitment made a father.

"My dad loved me." Nathan breathed.

"Yes, Nathan. He did. He loved you completely. It's why he was so tough on you. He hated knowing he was leaving you to hold the town together when he died. He was scared for you, and scared of failing you, but every single day of his life, he loved you every minute. He  _chose_  to be your dad, to make you a Wuornos. He raised a good man. A wonderful husband and father."

Nathan blinked, struck mute by the revelation. But standing here making the same choice, he couldn't find an argument. Garland had fought for him, had always taken care of him, and though he was sometimes emotionally unavailable, he made sure Nathan was fed, clothed, had everything he needed and  _never_  raised a hand to him in anger. He'd worked hard to be a good father.

"I wish I had understood sooner. I wish I could thank him."

Mara smiled at him. "If we learn anything today, maybe it should be that just because they're dead, it doesn't mean they can't hear us. I'm almost afraid to ask Jacob how many ghosts are still hanging around Haven. Obviously we can't bring everyone back- even if we could, it would go against the natural order to try to play god on such a large scale. But three lives who were lost only because of the Troubles and murderers who used the Troubles, those weren't natural deaths. I don't think it would be disrespectful of the gods or of the natural order to help bring them back if we're able.

"This Yule... we've been given huge, huge gifts. A healthy baby, beautiful jewelry-" she touched the opal on her necklace and gestured to the men's wedding rings- "Vince and Dave telling my story, all of them coming here and now Jacob coming back. The possibility of bringing Alec and Lizzy back. And finally, after all this time, Nathan understands how very loved he was. Garland loved you as long as he lived, and left you with us, trusting us to love you when he was gone. Shows he loved Duke and Audrey, too. Trusting them with the person he loved most."

That took Audrey and Duke aback. Neither of them had ever thought of that, that Garland had left his son in their hands, trusting them to have his back.

Duke cleared his throat before he could speak. "That's a lot of love we never even thought to consider."

"Duo thought of it. He's been asking me since he was formed to find a way to show Nathan how much Garland loved him. I just couldn't get him to really understand until now."

Nathan chuckled. "Of course Duo thought of it. Sometimes it's easy to forget how wise he is, how much he's seen. When he's happy and having fun, it's easy to forget he's  _not_  just a teenager. We're lucky to have him. I'm glad he's part of our family, as unusual as it is."

"Usual and normal are for cowards. This is the family we need, the path we should be on."

Mara relaxed and closed her eyes, smiling.

_'Thank you, Audrey. You were right. And if we can save him, I'm so glad you get to be his other mother. I could never trust any other woman, I hope you know that.'_

_'Of course I know, I feel the same way. Now that you're calm, please eat. You know what Charlotte said.'_

_'Sure, that sounds good. Anything you specifically want?'_

_'Grilled ham and cheese with soup.'_

Mara chuckled. 'Duke? When we go back out, would you do us a favor?"

"Name it."

"Would you mind making us a grilled ham and cheese sandwich and some soup? With tomatoes on the sandwich, please."

His answering grin was blinding. "I thought you'd never ask. Let's give you your medication before we bring you back out, and then we'll all make a plan when Jacob's test results come back."

Mara took her pills, still smiling, her stress and anxiety pushed away.  _She had a family_. A family who chose her, who loved her the way she was. There was even a chance that she could save her little boy, and Dwight's daughter.

People knew her and loved her anyway.

It was an amazing, glorious feeling, and she never wanted to let it go.


	45. In the Land of the Morning Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is 'Send Me an Angel' by Scorpions.

Nathan carried Mara and Ren back to the couch and she'd found her smile again. Occasionally, she would meet Nathan's eyes and they couldn't help but grin at each other. Duke was making a large pot of soup to feed everyone, and all of their friends- their  _family_ \- sat around, telling tales and sharing ideas about how to save the children and how to draw William out.

Mara nursed Ren again- the baby had a strong internal clock, she got hungry exactly 60 minutes after her last feeding.

Everyone was getting along, talking like they'd known Jacob forever, and there were no sides or agendas in this room- they were all there for a single reason; they loved this family. It was a foreign feeling, but Mara and Audrey soaked it in, grateful beyond measure to be able to be in such a position.

Dwight had asked a hundred questions about Hendrickson's who had come before him, occasionally laughing at a funny story but amazed by the similarities in his family.

"So what's it like, being dead?" Gloria asked. "Is it like the talk about heaven we always hear, or something else?"

"I don't know everything. I was given the choice to move on- just like Alec and Lizzy- but all of us chose to stay. I've seen several people move on, and every single one who chose, when they looked into that doorway, smiled in a way that could melt a heart of ice. Whatever is beyond, I know it's something wonderful.

"We chose to stay, and so for us, it's much like when we walked the earth before. We see more, hear more, but it can be hard, wanting to be seen, wanting to help your loved ones when they're in trouble and they can't see you. After being able to talk to Mara in the dream this morning, I felt desperate to at least try again. Getting to personally meet all of you has been a treasure. None of us who stayed regret it, not for a moment. If someone does, they're always still welcome to move on. We've seen others who've chosen to do that."

Mara tilted her head to look at him. "Who? Anyone we know? Are there other spirits around here who are doing what you are?"

"Several, actually. Most follow their families, random people who died here. I was there when your friend Jordan chose to move on. She stayed for awhile, never said exactly why, but one day she said it was time for her to go, and when I asked, she smiled and said because Duke had put her fear to rest."

"You met Jordan?" Nathan's voice was hushed, and Audrey put her hand on his arm, squeezing. She and Mara were trying to be equally at the front so they could both be part of the conversation.

"I did, and she was lovely. She let go of all the anger she'd been carrying, especially once Duke memorialized her. Some people just need to hear that they haven't been forgotten, that they did leave a mark, and then they're happy to move on. I've met others- Garland and Simon come to mind. Simon learned so much in that instant, and it took him some time to start to heal, to realize he'd been misled, but once he understood how strong Duke was, he moved on. Jennifer stayed for a time as well, but once she was convinced that Mara loved Duke and wanted to protect him- something she realized long before anyone else here- she was happy to move on. She just wanted to make sure he would be loved.

"Garland tried to stay around for awhile, but the frustration of not being seen or heard was something he couldn't adjust to. He asked me to look out for you and he asked me a favor, and once I did it, he moved on."

"What kind of favor?" Nathan was obviously curious,

"Are you sure you wish to know? I don't want to cause you bad memories."

"I'm sure. Please."

"He asked me to take care of Max Hansen. His ghost was around, not trying to protect anyone, just looking for power, just being cruel. Garland explained what he could, and I already disliked him, so I did what he asked. I beat him and sent him on, forced him out the doorway. I don't know what he saw, as I said, most people look very happy. He did not. We were all happier without him.

"Almost every spirit stays for at least a short time. The Reverend Driscoll, when he received the knowledge after his death, he was truly sorry. He prayed for forgiveness, it looked like he went to every person in this town, standing before each of you to apologize. Once he had done that, he moved on. Most of them move on eventually. The children and I are the only ones I've seen stay for any real length of time."

Everyone was silent again, absorbing his words. Audrey still had trouble sometimes; killing the Rev had hurt her, wounded her spirit though she refused to accept it for a long time. Nathan was thinking about Garland, still trying to protect him even after death. If that wasn't proof that he had loved Nathan, nothing was.

Duke called for everyone to come get food, bringing Mara a bowl of soup and her sandwich, scooping up Ren to change her diaper while the girls ate.

"You need to eat too, Duke."

"I will, but I wanted to hug our daughter for a minute before I put her in that nifty infant swing we bought her. I wish they had them in adult sizes, I love that they lean back into a nest. " He kissed Ren, strapping her into the swing with deft fingers, letting it rock slowly as the handmade ships Duke had attached swayed over her head. They had splurged, getting a fancy gliding swing that had a smaller footprint but was more stable and had more positions and movement types. Ren loosed the most adorable yawn and her eyes slid closed before Duke grinned, grabbing his own food and sitting back down next to Mara and Audrey.

They leaned their head against his shoulder for a moment, just wanting to touch him. Even with Nathan and Duke pressed close against her sides, it felt like they were too far away, as though they needed more affection, more physical contact. Mara knew it was mostly due to the post-partum hormones, but knowing the cause didn't remove the desire. She simply loved them so much that she felt physically overfull, as though she might burst from the pressure of wanting to pull them closer.

"I love you both. So, so much. We both do. We want to stay pressed against you forever, sometimes."

"Only sometimes?" Duke pouted at her and she grinned devilishly.

"The other times," she whispered almost silently, so they wouldn't be overheard, "I want to watch you two pressed against each other."

Nathan and Duke blushed, swallowing repeatedly, and she giggled quietly.

They had just finished eating and the dishes had gone to the washer when the orb popped out of Jacob, buzzing around Mara's face and demanding attention until she let the Maze show- she was definitely going to stop hiding it, she finally decided- and it made it's way into her, giving her a full report, everything that it could possibly tell about Jacob.

Mara almost stopped breathing and she stared wonderingly at Duke.

"What? What did I do?"

"I think... I think you're what's making everything different. Why I tried to form an Aetherling and Jacob came through instead, maybe even part of why Duo is so much more Omni than Aetherling. Duke, everyone- Jacob is  _whole_.He's healthy, and though the Aether is technically binding him together, it's no different than what it does for me. I can't survive without Aether- nor can Audrey, which is why she was so sick before the joining. She probably could have been fixed just by putting Aether into her system. I'm glad it worked out this way instead, though- but there is  _no sign_  of degeneration or anything that wouldn't make him as whole and alive as any other human.

"Do you understand what this means? Because of you, because I'm a part of you, your wife, what we create or bring through is... whole and alive. I direct the Aether, let it bond the bodies together, but you're the one affixing the soul to the body. Only a god can do that. We actually  _can_  bring them back. Make them whole- not just stuck in the bodies they were in when they left us, but give them a whole new chance to  _live_  and  _grow_. Because of the Aether, they'll also be safe from William. He can't affect Aether, and it can learn to repel other dangerous things like bullets or electricity. It will protect them."

Her eyes were shining with unshed tears. "We can bring back our babies, Dwight. We can bring Lizzy and Alec home."

"You honestly think I have something to do with it? How? I didn't do anything."

"You don't even have to. Because we're married- actually since the day we declared ourseves officially married, in the park with the lightning, your soul always stays open to me, the way mine does to you. So when I work with Aether, you're doing it too. Without meaning to, I'm borrowing your power to bind their spirits to the bodies the Aether created."

She leaned to hug him, her entire body stiff and aching; Duke must have noticed, because he slid his hands under her, lifting to pull Mara into his lap and wrapping his arms around her. She wound her arm around his neck, reaching for Nathan's hand. "You're both sure? Absolutely certain?"

"Of course we are, Mara. Duke and I understand that love makes the family, not genetics. Please trust us."

"I do."

_'Audrey?'_

_'Yes, I'm sure, Mara. Should we have Alec come through first so Lizzy can make sure everything goes right on that end, or do you think Alec can just watch and then follow?'_

_'We'll have to ask.'_

"Jacob? You can tell the children what to do, right? If I start the creation of the form, like I was doing before you came through, they can follow your directions?"

"Certainly. They're young, but they're quite smart."

"If we bring Lizzy first, will Alec be alright? Will he know what to do when it's his turn?"

"I give you my word, he will listen to and follow my instructions."

"Dwight?" Mara struggled to her feet, waving off Duke before he could try and pick her up. She had to get walking, at least a little. She was injured, not completely incapacitated. She was a little slow, and she limped awkwardly, but she needed to move her own body this time. She walked over to Dwight, so she could touch his hand and see his eyes. She sank carefully to her knees. Charlotte looked anxious, her hands raised as if to try and hold her daughter up.

"Dwight, I know this is probably very scary and all happening very quickly. Are you willing, do you trust us to bring Lizzy back? Nobody will be offended if you refuse. Honestly, if Jacob and our children hadn't been taken so unfairly, if they had died of natural causes, I would have my own qualms about interfering in the natural order of things. But this wasn't natural. We only lost them because of William and his abuse of the Aether. I respect you, and want to honor your wishes. May I do this for you and for her?"

His face showed his fear and determination even before he said, "Bring her back, Mara. Please."

She squeezed his hand, nodding and smiling. She pushed herself up and slowly took her seat back, almost laughing as every person she passed lifted a hand as if to help her. Stubborn, loving people. It would take time to get used to. She'd never had so many people who loved her, even when she was in Haven  _before_  William came back.

She did hold on to Duke and Nathan's arms as she lowered herself back down. "Lizzy first. I need to be able to keep my focus." She raised her voice a bit, addressing the room as a whole. "Alec, do exactly what Lizzy does when it's your turn. It's time to bring you both home." She looked at Jacob, begging him with her eyes to help her, not to let the children get lost. Her breath was coming quickly, and Mara held the first orb tenderly as she focused.

She crushed the orb, humming the music of  _Form_  aloud, and watched the Aether rise and spin, dancing a few inches from her hand. Dwight stood and came close- he was so pale that Mara was a little afraid he might faint- and she huddled close with the Hendrickson men and her husbands, keeping Audrey with her at the front, perching on the edge of the couch, far too keyed up to sit back.

As it had with Jacob, the Aether stopped and switched the direction of it's spin, they could hear the Void as the light poured through the room and Mara's arms shot out just in time to catch Lizzy before she fell. Her arms formed a strong cage around the girl as she tipped under the sudden weight, toppling off the couch but managing to twist so that Lizzy landed on top, still held safely in Mara's grip. She lost her breath as her body protested the strain, but Dwight moved quickly, arms closing around the girl as he lifted her from Mara.

"Dear lord." Vince breathed, staring in shock. Dave's mouth was hanging open, but he still gazed at Mara with the same admiring expression he always used on her. Even when she surprised him, she never actually  _surprised_  him. He expected miracles from her. Duke and Nathan helped sit Mara upright, but she stayed on the floor, and they joined her there so they could keep their arms around her.

"Lizzy? Lizzy, it's daddy, can you hear me?" His voice was steady, but Mara could detect the note of panic that laced his words. She held her breath.

"Daddy? Did I do it? Can you see me?"

He hugged her close, crushing her against his body and Lizzy laughed. "You can see me! You can feel me! Daddy, I missed you so much! I promise I never left you, not ever."

"Oh baby, I missed you. I missed you so bad I couldn't stand it. Let me look at you, are you okay? How do you feel?" He held her a few inches away, one arm still around her, the other hand checking her temperature, running over her body to check for marks or bullet holes. When he saw she was perfect and unharmed, not even a scar to show where she'd been shot, he pulled her against him again, a single tear escaping his eye before he wiped it away, smiling broadly.

"I'm fine Daddy, I just missed you so much, and I hated it when you couldn't see me. I'm all well now, Daddy. My Trouble is gone, too!"

Mara took a deep breath, rubbing at her ribs absently. "You're beautiful Lizzy, we're all so glad to meet you, and so proud that you were strong enough to stay. Thank you for helping Jacob and Alec."

She turned her perfect, beaming smile on Mara. "Thank you for helping me, Miss Mara. Thank you for helping watch out for Daddy while he couldn't see me. Uncle took care of us, he told us a whole bunch of stories about you."

Mara smiled. "You can just call me Mara, same with Audrey. You don't have to thank any of us, we love your Daddy and were happy to help him, I promise. Did you tell Alec what to do? Is he ready?"

Lizzy's small face was very serious, and it was clear she was her father's daughter. "Yes, Mara. I promise I made sure he knew exactly what to do, and he always does what me and Uncle ask him to, I pinky swear." She held out her little finger, still utterly somber, and Mara wrapped her pinky around the smaller one, nodding seriously.

"Thank you, Lizzy. I owe you so much, and I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Oh no! My cat! Jacob said not to hold him when I jumped, because he was afraid we'd get all mixed up. Can you find him?" He eyes were wide, threatening tears, and her brow was furrowed, jaw quivering. Mara stared into her crystal eyes, thinking hard.

"Alec, listen to me. Remember how I taught you to mark people with my symbol? Mark the cat, Baby." She focused on Lizzy again. "I'll find a way. What's his name?"

"Sasquatch. Please save him. He'll be so lonely without me!"

Duke was making a choked noise, trying not to laugh. Mara had to breath slowly as Audrey laughed with Duke. "How did you come up with that name, Lizzy?" Mara asked her gently, trying to stay very serious.

"I heard Mr. Duke call Daddy that and I thought it was a fun name."

Duke  _did_  laugh this time, reaching out to give Lizzy a high-five. "You're a very cool kid, we're going to have so much fun with you around!"

Dwight tried to roll his eyes, but he was grinning.

Mara looked over at Charlotte. "Momma, when everyone settles down a little, I would appreciate it if you and Gloria would look them all over, make sure everyone is healthy. The diagnostic on Jacob was clean, but I'd appreciate a second and third opinion, if you both will."

Gloria glanced at Charlotte, but shrugged and nodded. "Whatever you need, punkin. I'm here to help." Mara smiled at her, feeling a warmth in her chest. Gloria had finally accepted her. Gloria  _cared_  about her.

Mara pulled out two more orbs, careful to choose the largest, the one that felt strongest and most eager. "Alec, keep the cat on your right side when you jump. There will be separate spots for each of you. I know you can do this, baby. I'll catch you, I swear."

She was breathing too hard, struggling to fill her lungs. The anxiety had her again, but she pushed through, pouring all of her focus into the orbs in her hands. Her eyes and wrist glowed brightly as she crushed one orb in each hand, letting the music play in her head because she didn't have enough air to sing it out loud.

The Aether spiraled up again, but the Void-music was louder this time, the pressure in the air heavier. Mara's entire body burned, like she was made of nothing  _but_  pain- the Aether in her cells trying to reach out as it felt it's offspring. Mara cried out, the Aether reversed direction and the light flared red this time before a small, solid body hit her and she caught him, pulling him tightly against her. Another form pushed through, landing on it's feet next to them. Mara couldn't spare it a glance, focusing entirely on the body in her arms.

He was limp, his breath shallow and pulse slow. "Duke! Help, I don't have enough strength, put your hands on him and  _push_ , Duke. Push!"

Duke dropped to his knees, flush against her back as he reached his arms around her to press them against the child in her arms. His eyes flashed silver, and he  _knew_  what to do, filling the child with a piece of his own vitality.

There was the sound of a muffled explosion and the ship rocked, then the light and sound faded away and Mara was pressed between Duke and Nathan, Alec in her arms, both men touching him. He groaned and stirred, turning his face into her chest as she squeezed him. "Alec? Baby can you hear me? I'm here, baby, talk to me.  _Please_."

"Mama?" The little voice was sleepy, but she remembered it as though it had been an hour, not hundreds of years. Mara was shaking, stroking his face.

"I'm here, baby. Look at me, please."

His head rolled back upward and his eyes fluttered before he blinked heavily and stared up at his mother. Her startled gasp was echoed by Nathan and Duke.

Those bright blue eyes she remembered, the eyes she had seen go dark, were now the same mercury silver as Duke's and Ren's.

"Tell me your name, baby. Say it for me, please."

"Alec Nathaniel Cross. Why are you asking me my name, Mama?"

She felt Nathan jerk slightly, but didn't look up. "Because I need to make sure you're okay, that you didn't get hurt at all. I need to ask you some more questions, will you answer them for me?"

"Yes, Mama."

"Do you remember my name?"

"Your name used to be Mara Lilith Cross, but now it's Mara Lilith Crocker. I wasn't spying, Mama, but I hear things when I watch you."

She hugged him tightly, her face pressed against his long curls. Her shoulders shook and she cried as she held him, pressing kisses to his face as she ran her hands over his body, calling to the Aether he was born with to examine his body. "I missed you so much, Alec. Every single day I missed you."

"But I never went away. You just couldn't see me. Do I get to meet my daddies now?"

Mara laughed, wiping her eyes as she helped him sit up. "Go ahead. Say hello."

Alec looked back and forth at them, a smile growing on his face. "Thank you for helping Mama when she was unhappy. She didn't mean to be naughty. Sometimes we forget to use our words when we get mad or scared. Jacob said we have big tempers in small bodies."

She heard laughter mixed in with the tears around her,  _felt_  Duke and Nathan laughing against her. Nathan stroked his curls and grinned at him. "You don't have to thank us, we're happy to have her with us. We're happy to have  _you_  with us."

"You want to be my dads? I never had one before, and then I found out the bad man was my bio... bio..." He pursed his lips, wrinkling his nose as he frowned, just like Mara and Audrey.

Nathan's voice was gentle as he tried to help. "Biological father, Alec. But you're not like him, and biology isn't what makes a man a father. Mara, Audrey and Duke taught me that. My dad wasn't my biological father either, but he was my only dad. We want you here very, very much."

Alec grinned, wrapping his thin arms around Nathan and kissing his cheek before he turned to Duke. "You're the one who made Mama remember and talked to her. Can you really fly an airplane? I've never seen a real one, they didn't ex... ex _ist_  when I was alive before."

"Airplanes, boats, jet ski, quads... if it moves, I can drive or fly anything, little man. I'm really happy to see you."

Alec threw his arms around Duke's neck, kissing his cheek as he whispered, "Thanks for saving my Mama."

Duke held the boy against his chest, his voice rough and expression fierce. "She saved me too, buddy. You're home now, we're not going to let anything happen to either of you ever again."

"Alec, do you want to meet Audrey?" Mara was hesitant, uncomfortable with the knowledge that Alec had seen her at her worst. That he was  _apologizing_  for her.

He bounced back in front oh her, the picture of excitement. "The special lady who wasn't fake like all the other ones! I wanna see!"

Mara pulled back, and Audrey was suddenly face to face, alone with the child she'd mourned with Mara. Technically, her  _son_. Even for her life, this was unusual.

"Hi Alec. I'm Det- I'm Audrey. Mara's been teaching me so much. She thinks about you all the time, you know. She's the smartest woman I've ever met. I'm glad you're here. I think you'll be happy here, Nathan and Duke are really silly, and they love games."

Alec threw himself at her, wrapping his arms around her. She couldn't breathe for a moment as her body was momentarily engulfed with pain before Mara had it hidden away from her again. She hugged him back.

"Thanks for not trying to squish her or make her leave. I was scared for her."

Audrey just held him.  _'Mara, why didn't you tell us the pain was that bad?'_

_'Didn't matter. What would you do, superwoman? Scare the pain away with your gun? I didn't mean for you to feel that, I wasn't prepared, I'm sorry. It won't happen again.'_

_'Mara, I don't want you suffering more just to protect me.'_

_'It isn't making me suffer more, Audrey. The pain affects me the same way no matter what. There's no point in both of us feeling it. Besides, it's... never mind.'_

_'It's what, Mara? Talk to me.'_

_'It's embarrassing. The places that hurt. I can't- the thought of you feeling that, knowing what I felt, it makes me sick to my stomach. Please just leave it.'_

Audrey frowned for a moment before Alec pulled back and she smiled at him again. "Do I call you Mama too?"

"You can call me anything you want, Alec. You can call me Mama or Audrey, whatever you're comfortable with. We just want you to be happy. Mara wants to talk to you, okay?"

He nodded happily, and Mara moved forward again, wishing for a moment that she could hide from Audrey.

"First off, why don't we talk about names- in some countries, the word for mother is 'Amma'. Same letters as 'Mama' but in a different order- for Audrey the 'A' would come first, for me the 'M' comes first. For Nathan and Duke, How about 'Daddy' for Duke and 'Abba' for Nathan? They mean the same thing, but it would be less confusing. Sound okay?" Alec nodded happily, memorizing the names.

"Alec, I want you to meet your baby sister, and then we need to have the doctors check you, Lizzy and Jacob out, okay?" Mara pushed herself up, clenching her jaw- just to prove she  _could_ , that she was strong enough. She tried to walk to the swing without limping, straightening her shoulders and holding her breath. She unbuckled the straps, picking Ren up smoothly. "Sit down on the couch, between your daddies. Put your arms just like they show you, okay?"

Alec settled in between the men, vibrating with excitement. Mara bent to put Ren into the arms of her big brother. She heard Dave behind her, taking pictures, and she was grateful again. She wanted to record the moment, but she didn't want to pull away to find a camera.

"Mama, her eyes are so pretty. She can't talk now, is that because she's all locked in her body?"

"Yes, Alec, it's because she's all in her body, and babies don't start talking until they're almost a year old. She'll communicate mostly by crying and making faces for awhile, but there's a possibility that we'll be able to hear her thoughts when she wants us to. We won't know unless it happens, though."

Charlotte started to approach, wanting to stand next to Mara, to see this child she'd gone so long not knowing about. A deep warning growl stopped her in her tracks and Mara turned, confused.

That's when they got their first look at Sasquatch, who had been laying next to the couch, out of sight as the people all greeted each other.

"Holy... what the fu-" Mara slapped Duke's leg before he finished what he was saying.

"Language." Mara muttered. "Lizzy, when you said you had a cat, we were expecting something...  _smaller_."

This 'cat' was no ordinary house cat. It was easily as large as a bobcat, probably about 60 pounds, bigger by far than Echo, though Echo was still growing. It was staring at Charlotte with distrustful eyes.

"He won't hurt anyone, I promise! I trained him myself. He was so lonely. Alec tried to make him smarter, so he'd be easier to train. He's really, really smart!"

Mara nodded, leaving Nathan and Duke to hold onto Ren and Alec, and straightened up slowly, approaching the feline with one open hand up, calling up her inborn abilities to see if she could communicate with the animal. He blinked somnolent eyes at her but didn't growl or make any threatening movements as Mara closed the distance, waving off Duke's whispered warnings.

When her hand touched the soft fur on his head, Sasquatch half-closed his eyes, a coarse, wild purr rattling through his chest. "Oh, I see. You've been working hard, haven't you? It's okay, Sasquatch, nobody here is a danger to you or any of the children, okay? I promise. Please don't growl at anyone here, there's no reason to scare them because they're not a danger. They're all safe. That's my mother, she just wants to meet Alec." Mara turned her head slightly, "Come on, Momma. Let him sniff you. He'll calm down once he knows who you are. He's intelligent."

Charlotte exchanged a nervous glance with Mara, but followed directions and came forward, holding her hand out the way her daughter had. Mara was scratching his ears, and though his eyes followed Charlotte's hand, he didn't growl or show any further sign of aggression, finally letting Charlotte touch him. "Get used to him, Momma. He's going to be around you a lot. He's calm now, I think we can get back to the kids." She gave him one more scratch behind his ear before forcing herself upright again, gritting her teeth.

She led her mother over to her little family, kneeling again. "Alec? I think it's time for you to meet your grandmother, baby. Momma, this is Alec. This is why I stayed here, Momma. I never lied to you."

Charlotte nodded as Mara stood, stepping back so her son could meet his grandmother.

She suddenly felt jagged inside, her feelings painful and sharp like broken glass. She couldn't even say what was bothering her- everything was perfect, her dreams come true. Jacob and Alec here and alive, safe. Ren held in her big brother's arms, with Nathan and Duke helping Alec support her. She'd eaten, so her blood sugar wasn't low. She hated to blame hormones again, but her people weren't immune to post-partum depression. She hadn't had time to ever think about her emotions when Alec was born, and while she had certainly suffered depression after James was born, she had always been certain that was situational.

She hurt. It wasn't time for her medication yet, but the pain was severe and it made it hard to think about anything. She wished Audrey hadn't felt that single rush of pain when Mara wasn't paying attention- the bruises she truly didn't care about, but the sheer pain level was something she'd rather have kept private. At least Audrey hadn't tried walking while Mara wasn't hiding the pain. That...  _humiliation_  was still private. They had seen it, but she absolutely did not want Audrey to  _feel_  it.

Alarms were going off in her head, but she couldn't place the damn  _problem_. Jacob, Lizzy and Alec were looking and acting perfectly healthy. The Aether had worked perfectly, done exactly what she had asked it to do. She hadn't used enough Aether to set off withdrawal. Why did she feel like she couldn't get enough air?

She turned away as a cough wracked her body, and when she pulled her hand away, it was flecked with blood.

Son of a bitch.


	46. Fallen Angel

Mara fisted the bloody hand, walking quietly to Gloria, leaning over the back of her seat to whisper in her ear. "Do you think- would you mind very much coming to talk to me in the bedroom for a few minutes?"

Gloria gave her a probing look, nodded and stood quickly. "Lead the way, punkin. We'll be back in a moment, folks. Try not to enjoy yourself too much without us."

Duke looked concerned, but Mara shot him the best smile she could manage and walked away as quickly as she was able.

She brought Gloria to the bedroom, closing the door behind her and speaking quietly.

"Thank you. I didn't want to- to interrupt. I think I need help." She sat gingerly on the bed, realizing that she'd begun shaking madly.

"What is it, Mara? Tell me what I can do to help." Gloria stepped close, pressing a hand to her forehead. "You're very pale, and you're cold. What's going on?"

Mara held her bloody hand up. "I can't catch my breath and I just started coughing blood. Momma said I had two cracked ribs, but neither were displaced. But I feel wrong; scared and, and breakable and  _sick_."

"Oh Mara. How long have you been feeling like this?" Gloria took Mara's wrist, watching a clock as she took her pulse.

"Only a few minutes, and I came to you the moment I saw the blood. I don't want to ruin the day, Gloria, I don't. I don't know if Momma just missed one or if maybe something got displaced when Lizzy or Alec landed on me."

"Listen, kiddo, I need to get medical supplies. My bag is out in my car. I want you to be  _still_  and stay right here, I will be back before you know it. If anything gets worse in the next three minutes, you yell for that mother of yours if you have to, but if you stay here and die quietly I will revive you and give you a good old-fashioned whooping, do you hear me? And If one of those boys comes to ask you before I get back, don't you even think about lying. Now stay here, be still and breathe slowly."

Gloria rushed out, and Mara let the tears slide out, though she tried to keep her breathing even.

_'It's going to be alright, Mara.'_

_'I'm tired of this. Of fucking everything up. Yeah, we're making progress, but it's two steps forward, one step back, every single time. I want to play with the kids, I want to roll around and be happy and be whatever I need to be for all of them. Now I'm supposed to ruin their day with a punctured lung and what, post-partum depression? I have nothing to be depressed about! I was so happy when I got up, and things have only gotten better. What am I doing?'_

_'Mara, listen to me. Stop and think for a second. We just gave birth less than 24 hours ago. Since then you got beat half to death- and don't use the dream-state excuse with me, the injuries are still real and the experience was real for you- you found out your best friend and your son were still here, you brought them both back, and Dwight's daughter as well. You had to use Aether to do that- I count 6 orbs used this afternoon, and you were already unwell.'_

_'Six?'_

_'Count it out, Mara. One to go check out Vince's girlfriend, one to bring Jacob through, one to diagnose Jacob, one for Lizzy, one for Alec, one for the giant cat. Oh! Plus you use two this morning so that you could sleep safely. So wouldn't just using the 8 orbs when you were already weak and exhausted from giving birth and being injured be enough to weaken you further? So what were you supposed to do, Mara? Just tell Lizzy and Alec "Oh hey, sorry, you're gonna have to wait, I'm not in peak physical condition."? You wouldn't have done that even if you'd known you'd get sick. You always take care of everyone else first.'_

Mara was silent. She hadn't kept count of the orbs. It wasn't like when she'd protected the ship, using them one at a time made it seem like she wasn't using much at all. There was nothing she could have really done differently. She'd  _had_  to bring Lizzy and Alec back once she knew she could. It wasn't even a choice, it was a necessity. She hadn't thought about the 'weight restriction' Charlotte had set on her, the children had been falling and she was the one in a place to be able to catch them.

_'Duke will be angry if I don't talk to him.'_

_'Call him in here, then.'_

She closed her eyes, reaching with her mind.  _"Duke, I need to see you in the bedroom."_

_'He's going to be angry with me.'_

_'He's going to be scared. He'll be glad you talked to him.'_

Duke came in the moment Audrey stopped speaking, coming to sit next to Mara.

"What's going on, sweetheart?"

"I don't need anything, but I had to tell you, and I wanted to try and stay quiet. I'm unwell. Gloria went to get her medical bag."

He was immediately on edge, looking her over like he could see inside her. "What's wrong, Mara?"

"I can't catch my breath and I'm coughing up blood. I don't know if Momma missed something or if maybe one the the ribs was splintered and a piece pierced a lung when one of the kids fell. I thought maybe it was post-partum depression- it still could be in part- but apparently Accountant Barbie was keeping better track of the orbs than I was. She counts 8 orbs in the last 8 hours or so. Not normally enough to affect me badly, but I was already exhausted from labor and then William's beating made me  _weak_." She spat the word out like it was obscene. She tried to sigh, but her breath was still shallow.

"Oh Mara, I'm sorry. Why didn't you say something?" He put his arm around her back, resting a hand on her hip.

"Alec and Momma were right there, I didn't want to frighten him. Please remember, one of the last things he saw before he... died... was William hurting me. So I asked Gloria instead."

"I'm glad you asked for help, and thank you for calling me in to let me know. Everyone out there is fine, don't worry about anything. There are plenty of people out there to entertain themselves."

"You're not mad?"

Duke shook his head and rolled his eyes. "No Mara, I'm not mad that you spent the day bringing people into the world- first Ren, then Jacob, then Lizzy, then Alec and that  _giant fucking cat_. It's not your fault you got hurt, and it would be crazy if you  _weren't_ exhausted. You were alone for all but what, the last 10 minutes of labor? Yeah, I expect it would take a few days to recover from any  _one_  of the things you've done today."

Gloria came back in, closing the door quietly. "Oh good, you had the sense to talk to Duke. Let's take a look at you. You do understand that we might need to get an x-ray? If you do, we'll take you to my office, avoid everyone else." She was wrapping a cuff around Mara's arm, watching the dial as she took her blood pressure. "98/50. Too low, kiddo. I'm thinking you've got some internal bleeding, probably the lung. Now I'm going to listen to your heart and lungs, let's see what we can find out."

Gloria's hands were soft and warm, and Mara struggled to breathe for her.

"Punkin, can you use some of that Aether to fix your own insides, or do we need to bring you in? I don't know what all you can do with it, but if it can bring people back to life, I'd rather use that than have to cut into you. You're bleeding into your left lung, we need to find the bone that caused the puncture, get it fixed and get your lung patched up."

Her voice was deceptively calm, but Mara understood the precarious position they were in. She'd treated similar injuries herself.

"I... I think I should ask Duo to try first. If Aether can fix it, he'll know." She called for Duo silently.

"Mara? Hey, Doc. What's going on, guys?"

"Duo, can you check and see if Aether can help me mend something or if I need to go to the hospital?"

He got very still, watching Mara intently. "What's hurt, Mara?"

She closed her eyes. "Punctured lung from one of the stupid ribs."

He blew out a long breath, pulling himself up tall. "I can fix it, but I can't do it without causing pain."

Mara eyed him. "Damage or just pain, Duo?"

"Pain, but with your hypersensitivity, I don't know if there even  _is_  such a thing as 'just pain', Mara."

"How long will it take?"

"A few minutes, maybe. I have to find the sharp part, remove or repair it, and drain the lung."

"Do it, please. I don't want to get cut open, Duo. Ren and Alec need me here, and it's Audrey's body, too. I can take it."

Duo looked terrified. "I don't want to hurt you, Mara."

"But you're the only one who can help me right now, Duo. I'm sorry, so sorry to ask this of you, but I will handle the pain. Please?"

"Fine. But Nathan should be in here too."

Duke stood, squeezing Mara's hand as he headed for the door. "I'll get him, I'll have the others keep an eye on the kids. Get her set up."

"Mara, I need you to lay on your right side, I need to be able to access the affected area. Doc, can you sterilize the field for me?"

Gloria went to work, shaking her head. "Never thought I'd be assisting a teenage Duke with  _surgery_. You sure do keep an old gal on her toes." Gloria's voice was soothing as she lifted Mara's shirt out of the way and scrubbed the area with betadine, every new bruise making her jaw clench tighter. "You know, punkin, I'll see him in the ground for this. I don't care if you kill him or bury him alive, but I won't stand for this. The Hippocratic Oath ends when my kids are the victims, you understand me?"

Mara nodded.

"I have some IV pain medications for emergencies. I'd like to give you something- from what I gather you have a real problem with pain, so we're going to make you as comfortable as possible. Do your people excrete medication in breast milk?"

"No, I'll still be able to feed Ren."

Gloria drew up a syringe, and Mara didn't hesitate as she had with Charlotte. She knew she could trust Gloria. They might make each other a little crazy, but she would never try to hurt her, not when she was making Duke happy.

"Dilaudid, it's the strongest I have on hand. I'm afraid it probably won't knock you out, but hopefully it'll help enough." She gave Mara the injection, and Mara felt the warmth spread through her chest. She saw Duke and Nathan run in, each taking up position near her head. Nathan was stroking her hair.

"I won't let Audrey hurt, I promise."

"Not afraid of that. I didn't think you would. Right now I'm scared for you, so let me be. I want to help _you_."

"Please give me a stick or a belt or something to bite down on. I don't want to scare the kids."

Duke brought her a belt and she squeezed his hand, Nathan rubbing her neck and playing with her hair. "You squeeze my hand as hard as you have to, you hear me?"

Mara just nodded.

Duo came back, his demeanor more serious than she'd ever seen. "I'm sorry I have to hurt you, but I will make you better. I promise."

She tightened her teeth on the belt, reaching to hold the men's hands. She kept the feelings away from Audrey, but she could tell that every so often something would leak through, and it made Mara feel guilty.

Mara looked away as soon as she knew what was about to happen, but as Duo's fingers pressed against her torso and slid into her body, she had to bite down hard and a low grunt still broke through. Every millisecond, every touch was torture. She wanted to screech and howl and break things, but she bit that stupid belt, squeezing her eyelids as tightly as she was gripping the men's hands.

Her breath was ragged, she was sweating and her vital signs were sluggish by the time Duo found the bone chip and pressed it between two fingers as he struggled to close and cauterize the tear, halting any further blood loss as he pulled the blood from her lung, using the Aether in both of them to issue his instructions to her body. The burning of the cauterization made Mara scream, yanking a pillow down to her face to muffle the sound.

It was the longest 4 minutes of her life, and she was sure she looked awful, but she was starting to get her breath back.

"Thank... you... all." Mara finally managed to breath, exhausted. There was only a small cut on her skin, just big enough to take the shard of bone out, and when Duo's fingers left her, she panted into the pillow. She took several minutes to gather some self-control. "Are they all okay? Audrey is fine, I promise. She hurt a few times, but I kept it from her as well as I possibly could."

"Hush." Nathan said. "Everyone is fine. If you want to sleep, sleep. If you want to see people, they can come in  _here_. You need to rest. For us, Mara."

She nodded. "Ren will want to be fed soon, when she's ready I need someone to bring her in. Anyone who wants to can come in. Apologize for me. I know there's not enough seating..."

Nathan pressed his hand to her lips. "None of that. Don't apologize for getting hurt, Mara. I'm just glad you asked for help right away. You're finally learning."

She heard a quiet sniffle from the doorway and froze, moving her head just enough to see Charlotte.

"Momma, how long have you been there?"

"I saw the whole thing. I could feel something wrong, and I followed Nathan. Why didn't you tell me, Dove?"

Gods she was tired.

"You were with Alec, I didn't want to scare him. Nothing you could have done anyway, Duo was the only one capable of performing the job."

"I've never... never seen you in so much  _pain_. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have missed the splintering."

Mara shook her head, still lying on her side, clutching the pillow. "Not your fault, you did your best. You couldn't have seen. And it probably got dislodged when one of the kids landed. I'll heal now."

Charlotte moved in close, sitting on the edge of the bed to take Mara's cold hand into her warm ones. "All your life, I've been so blind. Because you were so easygoing, and you never complained or whined or asked for anything. I understood the hypersensitivity in a medical sense, but I never saw how very serious it could be until today. Meeting your little boy, seeing what William did to you... Mara, I'm so sorry. I should have listened, I should have believed you. Protected you.

"I've watched you risk your own well-being, watched you suffer just to help the people around you. What you did for Dwight, no one else could have done that for him. You brought three people back from the grave today, Dove, and you never stopped to think about how that would affect you. When you did get sick, you kept silent, only telling the people you absolutely had to. I raised you to think that you always came last.  _I'm so sorry._  You're as important as anyone else,  _more_  important. I love you, and I'm sorry I let you down."

"Shh, Momma. I forgave you a long time ago. Please don't be sad. I want everyone to be happy today. I didn't want my issues screwing up such a special day for everyone."

"Little girl, it's time you realized how much people love you. Me included, but they all want to see you, and I want you to pay attention."

Mara stayed on her side, head propped on a pillow. Nathan sat against her back, stroking her hair and Duke was rubbing her feet. The bedroom door opened, and Alec ran in and very carefully laid down against Mara, staring at her face. "You shoulda said you were sick, Mama. Did you see my eyes changed colors? Now they look like Ren's, and Daddy's turn silver sometimes too!"

Mara raised one stiff arm to brush a curl out of his face. "I noticed your eyes immediately, It's because Daddy used his own magic to help make you strong when you came back. I think you look very handsome. And I  _did_  ask for help, baby. I asked Gran to help me, you know she's a doctor- a special kind of healer, like Grandma Charlotte." Mara blushed a little, looking at Gloria. "I'm sorry, I should have asked, is it okay for him to call you that?"

Gloria swallowed and blinked a few times. "Of course. I'm honored."

Dave and Vince came in, Dave holding Ren as they each bent to kiss Mara's head. "Just rest. Don't worry about anything at all. We'll help however we can." Vince looked more peaceful than she'd ever seen him. The new girlfriend must be good for him.

Dave settled Ren on the bed against Mara, between her and Alec. "She wanted her mommy. She's all clean and dry, I think she just felt your hurt and wanted to be closer. She seems calmer already."

She gave the men a small, tired smile.

Dwight and Lizzy came in followed by Jacob. Lizzy bounded straight over, getting as close as she could without squishing Alec or Ren. "I'm sorry if helping us made you sick, Mara!"

"It didn't, kitten. A bad man hurt me, that's how I got sick. Duo fixed me, I'll be all well as soon as I heal some. It had nothing at all to do with any of you."

Jacob simply stared at her, shaking his head with a small smile. "I understand why you did what you did, Mara. Rest now though, everything is fine, he won't be able to bother you for awhile, and he  _certainly_  doesn't have anyone tending his injuries. Now it's time for you to relax and learn how having two children changes your everyday life."

"We need to think of places for everyone to stay-"

"No." Jacob cut her off. "It's taken care of. Lizzy will be going home with Dwight and Charlotte, Alec has already been given a bedroom here, we'll be helping Nathan and Duke fix it up for him, and I've been invited both to stay here and with my nephew. I think I'm going to go back and forth for the time being, to make sure both children are adapting well and to give me time to think of what I want to do. We all have much to discuss, but for right now, Dragonfly, everything is taken care of. Your only job is to heal and love your family, do you understand? I'm certain Audrey would be happy to help us if you try to over-exert yourself again."

Mara nodded, shifting a bit to cradle Ren in her arm and easing onto her back.

"Thank you. Now we're going to let ourselves out, I'm going to stay with Dwight and Charlotte tonight to help them get used to the cat. I promise to see you tomorrow. We all want you to rest now. Do it for us."

"Thank you, all of you. I love you, and Audrey loves you." She blinked repeatedly, lethargy covering her like a blanket.

They all trailed out, Gloria staying behind for a few minutes. "I'm leaving some stronger painkillers since you don't have the same nursing issues as regular humans. Take the medication every 4 hours, if you let the pain get bad, it will be harder to control after. Rest, eat, drink and take the pills. I'll be back to check on you in the morning, and I'll be calling just before bed to check on you. I know you're a healer, but there's a reason why we say doctors make the worst patients. But trust me, and follow orders, please. You've got a world of folks who need you. Be a good girl, let the boys take care of you."

"Thank you for everything, Gloria."

"Don't thank me. You're my kid, you and Nathan and Duke. You gave me more grandchildren to love. Now let us love you, let's get you well. Audrey, the same goes for you- you're no more reasonable about taking care of yourself than Mara and we all know it. And no more Aether for at least 24 hours unless it's an emergency. You got that?"

"Yes ma'am."

Gloria chuckled, kissing her cheek. "You girls get some rest. Call if you need anything. I'll see myself out."

As Nathan and Duke got ready for bed- Duke finding the smallest shirt he could for Alec- Mara and Audrey watched.

_'Do you see? It's not just us, Mara. We have a big family. Everything is going to be fine. I know you're tired, I know you hurt, but remember what Jacob said. William is in much worse shape, and he's alone. Even slow progress is still progress. You're where you're supposed to be, and we have a beautiful son and daughter.'_

_'Thank you, Audrey.'_

Her voice was sleepy, but as everyone situated themselves in the bed, as Duke was moving Ren into the co-sleeper, Mara murmured, "Our children should have the same last name. Is that okay with you both?"

Nathan beamed, and Duke kissed the top of Alec's head before kissing Mara sweetly.

"Alec and Ren Wuornos. Sounds good to me. Sleep, sweetheart. We'll wake you up when it's time to feed the baby."

"We love you. All of you, so much."

"We love you. We have a family. We're right here, and you've got nothing to worry about right now. Sleep. Enjoy the time we have to get our new family settled."

"Duke's right. We've got everything important. The rest we'll work out. But we've got to get you well first. So trust us. We love you and Audrey both."

Mara yawned, pulling their hands to where she could touch them both, Alec breathing slowly against her side, and she slept.


	47. I'll Cover You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is 'I'll Cover You' from Rent

Voices woke them.

"-know what you're talking about."

"No, I know  _exactly_ what I'm talking about. I'm serious, it'll be perfect, I know some guys who can have it knocked out in a week, tops. It'll be perfect, I'm telling you."

"Duke, there is no way she's going to be comfortable with that, and even if she pretends to be, Audrey will make sure we find out."

"I think you're wrong, Nate. You're not looking at it like she will."

"We can go back and forth all day or we can just cut to the chase and make the bet. I know that's what you're going to say anyway."

"Me? I had no intention of it. But since you made the suggestion, why not? If she likes my idea, like I  _totally, completely know_  she will, you owe me $50 and you let five parking tickets slide."

"Honestly? You already get Audrey to get rid of your tickets behind my back anyway. Do you really think I don't check?"

There was a dramatic, long-suffering sigh. "It's the principle of the matter, Nate.  _You_  wipe out five tickets."

Nathan scoffed. "Fine. But when the whole idea freaks her out and she either tries to spare your feelings and Audrey rats her out or she just tells you you've lost your mind... You get all diapers and spit-up for a solid week.  _And_  you watch the game with me. Live, no DVR."

"Oh damn, I should have thought of the diapers."

"Too late Crocker, you taking the bet or not?"

"Yeah whatever, on the off chance I lose, I'll handle all excretory issues for a whole week."

As they continued to bicker, Mara mumbled to Audrey.

_'They're arguing about us. Why?'_

_'Don't ask me, I just woke up too. But it sounded more like arguing about you than me.'_

_'Yeah, but they're saying you'll sell me out, so that makes you a subject of the bet too. I wish I knew what they were talking about.'_

_'We'll find out eventually. How do you feel?'_

_'I feel better psychologically. Gods, I was so... depressed. I know a lot of it is from having the baby, but I don't like feeling so out of control of my emotions. It was like the Barn times, when I was trapped and forced to experience what the personality was feeling. I didn't want to be unhappy, I didn't want to be angry, but I couldn't do anything about it. If it's anything like it was with James, it'll come in waves, like- gods, was it yesterday or just earlier today?'_

_'Haven't looked, but we must have slept awhile. I think we're in tomorrow.'_

_'The 22nd! Oh no, we had a date today!'_

_'Oh, you're right. But we made that thinking we'd still be pregnant, I don't think they'll hold it against us.'_

_'No way, you saw their faces! We barely have to move, Audrey. We can stay seated and just give suggestions. We'll have to be minding the baby anyway. We have to go.'_

_'If you feel like you're up to it and Gloria says it's okay. I'm not really a sound judge on how fit we are for adventures since I can't feel any pain, Mara.'_

_'Oh, don't take the sarcastic tone with me. It doesn't work on me and you don't do it half as well as I can. You're the one with the "don't screw with me or I'm getting the taser" tone. And you can still feel other things. Think about it, Nathan couldn't feel anything at all.'_

Audrey shuddered.

_'I still hate to think about it. All that time when I was all he could feel and I was so caught up in running away from my feelings that I left him like that, numb, when I wanted to be kissing him or touching him. The things I should have made him and Duke talk about as soon as I realized what had been happening. All that wasted time.'_

_'You did the best you could.'_

_'No, I hid like a coward. I knew I loved him, I knew I loved Duke, but first I let work distract me and then when I found out about the Hunter, I pushed them away because I was scared. I wasn't fighting. I understand depression, Mara. I know I was depressed then. Nothing in my fridge but ketchup and beer. Crying over the receipt for that dog collar. Giving in and watching Nathan with Jordan. I was depressed. But I am proud of you for asking for help. That's the hardest part, certainly for me.'_

_'Can't afford to be foolhardy. Too many people rely on us. I'm still angry, I still feel sick about what happened, but I will watch out for our health. We have to, it's not even about us. So what do you think about Alec?'_

They'd been up several times to feed Ren, and a few of those times, Alec had been awake, happily telling stories as they fed the baby. Mara had always thought he resembled William, but seeing him lying against Nathan, with his eyes having shifted from blue to silver, Alec's face was all Nathan, but his eyes were all Duke. He  _looked_  like he was theirs biologically.

_'He's amazing. I've interviewed a lot of kids, but he's nothing like any of them. He's so smart, and he has better focus and concentration than the guys do. I love how cool he is, how accepting of everything, no matter how weird it is. He doesn't even blink.'_

_'Audrey, he was born and lived his life here in Haven. I don't think the concept of "weird" has ever even occurred to the child.'_

_'Yeah, good point. I was crying when he called me "Amma". He seems to have no issue with us sharing a body. I think we don't have anything to worry about with Ren.'_

_'Yeah, you're right about that. I want to do some tests. I can probably just use the Aether, but lab tests might be interesting to see- I want to know how much of his genetic code was changed when Duke helped me with him. His vitals were so low and I thought we were losing him, but I thought Duke was just giving him energy. That wouldn't have changed his eyes, though. And you can't tell me his hair color hasn't changed. It's darker than it was, more like Nathan's.'_

_'I did notice that last night. In the recordings and visions, he really resembled William. But he doesn't now. He's still recognizably the same boy, but his appearance has changed. Like the old differences between you and me, or me and Sarah. Enough to be obvious, but not enough to look like a different person.'_

_'It would be a dream come true if Duke managed to chase William's DNA out of Alec and replace it with his and Nathan's. I'm not saying it's possible, but Duke kind of lives by his own set of rules. If anyone could make it happen, it's him. And seriously, look at the things that changed- it's the stuff each guy likes best about the other. Alec got hair that's a mix of me and Nathan, Duke's eyes, Nathan's blush, Duke's eyelashes... the things that have changed in Alec are their favorite things.'_

_'So the real question is what he'll want for breakfast?'_

_'He ate my pancakes at least twice a week. But I didn't have a waffle iron, he may like waffles better. So once again, the fate of our family rests in the choice of a breakfast food. That's so bizarre I don't think you could even make a Trouble out of it if you wanted to.'_

_'Are you ready to see what they're betting about?'_

_'May as well. But please don't sell me out, no matter what it is.'_

_'I promise to be reasonable and consider the circumstances, but if it's actually detrimental to you, I'll sell you out quicker than we sold the guys out to Gloria.'_

_'You're still frustrating.'_

_'You and I don't fight, Mara, we just assert our individuality,'_

Mara blinked slowly and started stretching very cautiously. Everything hurt. Just as she'd thought yesterday, all injuries were basically the same. The first three days, the pain got worse and worse, but after day three post-trauma, things would start to improve. So tomorrow or the day after she would stop feeling worse and start improving.

Her side ached and burned, her body was still and slow, every muscle twitch made her want to cry. From the waist down- she'd been prepared to heal from the birth, but she was disconcerted- the pain was off the charts, and she honestly couldn't tell what was from the birth and what was from William. So her mind scrambled it all into worst case scenario, lumping all the pain at William's feet. The thought of his touch made her stomach queasy.

She reached for her water, drinking as much as she could hold and rinsing her dry mouth.

"Morning, everyone." She called the words quietly- as far as she could tell, she was the only one still sleeping, at least in bed- but she didn't want to wake either of the children if they were napping.

"Mama!" Alec squealed and ran, checking his momentum at the edge of the bed but clambering up quickly, snuggling into her side.

"Hey baby boy. What have you been doing this morning?'

"I helped change Ren and they gave me fruity pebbles, but they're not rocks, and they said it was  _cereal_  but you always fed me cereal and this wasn't hot or mushy. I don't think they know what cereal is, Mama."

She breathed a hushed laugh. "Cereal has changed since then, baby. It's not like what you're used to. The kind of cereal I made you is called 'oatmeal' or 'cream of wheat' now. The cereal they sell today is kind of like teeny cookies. Where are your daddies, will you go get them for me?"

He grinned widely, kissing her cheek sweetly, and then kissing her other cheek. "Okay. One morning kiss for you and one for Amma."

Mara smiled, listening to Audrey crying quietly inside her.

_'He loves you, Audrey. Why wouldn't he? You're a great person and he's right, you saved me. You opened up your life to him and made him feel safe and loved. I was so afraid he'd have nightmares last night, but he's as happy as he can be.'_

_'Kids are resilient. I think he actually feels safer with two dads. Yeah, he's got a lot to deal with mentally, but we can help with all of it.'_

Duke bounded in, followed directly by Nathan, Ren tucked in his arm. They both gave her a kiss, sitting on the bed to hold her hands as Alec climbed up.

Duke gave her a soft kiss. "How are you doing, beautiful?"

"I hurt, but I'm calmer. I think I've got a little post-partum depression, but it's in cycles, and I feel fine right now mentally. How are you guys? Alec explained that you don't know about cereal."

Duke waved his hands, flabbergasted. "It's cereal, Everyone likes fruity pebbles, and he didn't seem interested in granola"

She smiled. "When he says 'cereal' he means something like oatmeal or cream of wheat. Hot cereal. We'll have to explain a lot of things for awhile. It seems they were more interested in just us that all the other changes in the world. Has he been behaving?"

Nathan pressed in for his kiss, rubbing his nose against Mara's for a moment. "He's been fantastic. I don't know how you did it, but this boy-" he ruffled Alec's curls, making the boy giggle- "is the most well-behaved child in the universe. He was the one who should have been in charge of us, I think."

Duke tried to sound casual as he interrupted. "By the way, while you were sleeping I had this idea, and I want to see what you think, okay?"

She pretended not to know they'd been fighting as she said, "Sure, what's your idea?"

"Okay, well, I was thinking about space- We have our bedroom, but eventually Alec will need his own, Ren already has a nursery, Duo's been using the guest room but he insists that Alec deserved his room. And Jacob is going to stay here off and on. Eventually, especially if we decide to have more kids, we're going to need to get a house, something on the water, but for now, I was thinking maybe we should remodel the hold.

"There's already plumbing access. We could get it cleaned up, put walls and nice floors and everything. We could make a master bedroom and bath, and we could probably fit 2 more normal bedrooms and a small bathroom if we did it right. They wouldn't be huge, but adjust some partitions, add walls and lights, there's plenty of room for 3 bedrooms down there. We'd put in the bright lights, so the lack of outside light isn't such a big deal. What do you think?"

 _'Huh. Not what I was expecting them to be arguing about. So, what- does Nathan think I'll hate it because I used to be locked up there?'_  A sweet memory played for Audrey and Mara; drinking out of mason jars with Duke, a natural, honest smile on her face. The odd sensation of hope and fascination, the love that she hadn't even recognized.

Audrey was curious, Mara could feel her mind brushing against hers, looking for her feelings.

"I think that sounds great. Can that work, do you think?"

Duke clapped his hands together once. "I have a crew coming out in a little bit to check it out and let me know, but yeah, there's no reason it wouldn't. I don't really make runs anymore, I'm busy with the  _Gull_  and you guys. No reason to keep that space as a cargo hold when the only cargo we need here are people."

"Will we still have a great big bed and will there be a bathtub in our bathroom?"

"Absolutely. They'll build to our specifications."

"I think it sounds like a great idea, but I do think you have one problem."

Duke like a child who'd just dropped his ice cream. "What problem?"

"We'd have to mark workers, and they can't mess with Aether-coated walls. However, if you'd like to save money and still get what you want, we can alter the boat using Aether."

Nathan and Duke looked at each other, both confused. "Not following, sweetheart."

She sat up against the pillows, trying to get comfortable before Nathan placed the baby in her arm as she unsnapped her shirt, helping Ren latch on so she could eat.

"Because the ship is entirely coated with Aether, we can use that- add or alter to create new floors and walls and whatever. If you know anything about plumbing and electrical, I can do that, too, I just need another mind to lead me. It would be much faster and we wouldn't have to let people we don't know well in, we wouldn't have to bring more Aether to it after and it would still be completely protected. Duo can actually do the work too, he's just as capable of that as I am."

"But Mara," Nathan began, "wouldn't you be uncomfortable in the place you were a prisoner?"

She smiled, shaking her head. "I don't really see it that way. It's not a prison, it's where I started to remember. It's the first place I stopped being afraid of. I have more good memories there than bad ones. I feel safe there. We also really, really need the room. But are you sure you want to lose all that space, Duke? I can return it back to normal afterward, of course. Just take pictures so I can remember how to set it up later, and I can't move the furniture." Inspiration hit them, and neither Audrey nor Mara even knew who had thought of it.

"Oh, hey! You know how we gave Dwight a new Gift before I altered him to make him a Guardian? All the guys- Vince and Dave and  _you_ , Nathan, all of you can still have your Aether tweaked so it can give you a Gift at the same time, just like Dwight. He didn't lose the adrenaline net when I made him a Guardian. It's a simple process, doesn't even need more Aether.

"Obviously it'd be your choice, Nathan, but we were thinking while we were in labor that someone should have had a teleporting Gift, to be able to send people and objects to other places, not other times. Like so you could have just zapped yourselves back home. Used on objects, you could move furniture that way, too."

Duke grinned triumphantly, and Nathan smiled, shaking his head. "That  _would_  be a pretty great Gift. There's so much you could do with that kind of ability. It's good in a fight to be able to make one of the opponents just show up across town, and all the stuff we have to constantly move... yeah, I'd love to be able to do that."

"Well, think about it and when you're absolutely positive, I'll alter the programming in your Aether. I've been forbidden from using Aether for another... 8 hours, but after that, I'd be happy to build the hold up with you guys. I'd like to have Ren and Alec in the rooms next to ours, that would give Duo and Jacob a little more privacy. And I can easily put a dozen or more hidden compartments in it that you'd never be able to see."

The idea excited her, the thought of creating and building and fixing, and it suddenly felt necessary, stronger than the nesting urge from just before labor. She wanted to stretch her abilities again, to create and make something beautiful and safe and protecting. She knew so much more about Aether and the things it could do than she had when she'd come here as a girl, it was obviously capable of more than she'd ever imagined.

Duke looked at her seriously, but he was grinning. "Are you completely sure, Mara? I only want to do it if you're comfortable."

"I'm totally sure. I want to start right now. But Gloria threatened me, and I think she was mostly serious, and I don't want to see her idea of a 'whooping'. It didn't sound fun."

Nathan laughed loudly and Duke was grinning. "I didn't even know you could do it that way, so I can wait 8 hours. I expected the work to take at least a week, even with a full construction team."

"We can use the in-between time to draw out ideas. If you give me a notebook and pencil, I can draw it up. This- this may sound silly to you, but Audrey and I had been talking about something and now it's a good time to bring it up. How would you guys feel about a bigger bed? Just a comfortable as this one, but bigger."

Duke gave her a curious glance. "We're in a King size right now, there is no bigger unless you get them custom-made."

Mara smiled. "Or unless you make one yourself. Which I can. People don't know a lot of things about Aether because so few people can use it, but it's intelligent and with the right instructions it can make anything. Honestly,  _anything_. It touched a bare rock and made our entire ecosystem, all our flora and fauna. And I know Aether. I could make us a bigger bed. We could even have a captain's bed with a dresser-pedestal underneath. What do you think?"

Nathan was already smiling deviously, and Duke looked impressed. "Hell yeah, that sounds great."

"Alright then. If you two will do me a few favors, we can get to work on planning,"

"What do you need?" Nathan was already getting to his feet, waiting to see what he could do.

"I need my medication first, but I need to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth, and I'm hungry. By the time the medication starts working, I'll be starving. Duke, would you make me something to eat?"

"I'd love to! What do you want?"

Mara looked at the little boy next to her and smiled, touching his hair. It really was the color of Nathan's now. How interesting. He had a lot more Aether than most people- almost as much as she did herself. She wouldn't have to use more. She linked to him, directing the Aether to give him a full battery of tests. There was a lot they wanted to know.

"If you wouldn't mind, grilled cheese with tomato, avocado and a large spoonful of cottage cheese in it before you cook it, with some dried dill in it for me, but would you make Alec a plain grilled cheese with just tomato?"

Both men gave her a funny look. Nathan was the one curious enough to ask. "That's- unusual. I thought the cravings stopped after you had the baby."

She laughed, wincing. "Common misconception. For some women the cravings are actually much worse  _after_  the baby is born. Your body craves the things it needs to heal, so with everything this body has been through the last couple of days, I imagine I'll have a few unusual cravings." She took two of the pills Nathan handed her with a large drink of water. "I don't want to interrupt her feeding, but I really have to pee, so I'm just going to bring her with me. Nathan, will you help me get there and back while Duke cooks?"

"Of course."

"Oh, and Duke?"

"What's up?"

"You're still going to watch the game with Nathan. Live, no DVR."

"You little-"

"Language, Duke."

As Alec followed Duke, Nathan leaned over and lifted her, cradling her delicately as he grinned.

She couldn't blame him, she actually  _was_  pretty delicate at the moment.

She was to drained to be shy, so he kept one arm supporting Ren while she emptied her bladder and then Nathan was kind enough to help her wash her hands one at a time, handing over her prepared toothbrush. He even held her hair back when she rinsed. Finally, he picked her back up and brought her to the bed.

When she was settled, he left the room and came back with a blank notebook and 2 pencils, sitting cross-legged on the bed and pulling her feet into his lap to rub them. Her muscles relaxed instantly, like she'd just melted.

Mara was sketching a few ideas, and didn't look up as she spoke.

"I felt you jump when you heard Alec's middle name yesterday."

"You'd never mentioned. I know he's not named after me or anything, I was just surprised and the feeling was kind of..."

"Proud?" Mara guessed.

"Yeah. I know it's silly, but it felt good."

She didn't look up as she continued to sketch while he massaged. "Not silly. I think it was destiny. I think I was meant for Audrey and you guys and my spirit or the gods or  _something_  just knew. If he hadn't already had a middle name, I probably would have given it to him anyway."

"I just assumed your people didn't have middle names, I've never heard you use any. I had no idea you had a middle name, and it's a beautiful name, too."

"Thank you, Nathan. I've never really used it. Never had call to. I barely got to keep any grip at all on my first name once the Barn started. And I didn't want my old last name anyway. Are you still okay with Alec taking your surname?"

"Honestly? It makes me feel good. Really good. I want that, Mara. I think we should take all traces of your world off of him and off of you. Half the reason you're so hard on yourself is because things are so different where you come from. But you're here now, you can't hold yourself to their standards. You live here, you're one of us now, and shouldn't want to be like them. It's bad for you, you need to think more like a regular human for awhile- let yourself want or need things, let people take care of you. It's to make us feel better too."

Duke came in with a tray, setting in in Mara's lap. "Here you go, beautiful. I put his plate next to yours, I figured you had some kind of plan."

Mara grinned happily. "Alec, Daddy made you something, and you've eaten something similar, but this is a little different. This one is yours, eat but be careful, it might be hot, okay?"

Alec bounced a little as he took half the sandwich and bit. He made a happy, squealing sound as he chewed.

"Thank you, Daddy! This is so good! We missed food. Me and Jacob and Lizzy talked about it."

"You're welcome, buddy. I'll cook for you anytime you're hungry."

Mara glanced at Duke. "We all have a date today. We promised, we chose the day."

"Mara, you're already so hurt and you just had a baby."

"And I will stay in the car with the baby. I can go for a ride and sit in a car, Duke. We all made the decision together. Now with the kids here, it's even more important. Please? For me? For them?"

He groaned. "Okay, fine, but you have to stay in the Land Rover with Ren and if you start feeling really bad, we come right home."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Mara smiled happily. "Alec, guess what?"

"What, Mama?"

"We're all going to cut down our very first family Christmas tree!"

"Really?" His excited voice was high enough to break glass.

"Really! And next year we'll see if we can change our traditions a little so maybe we can have the tree up for Yule, and we'll have a Yule log, too. Do you remember that from your last Yule, baby?"

He nodded with his mouth full. He wiggled with excitement, waiting until he had swallowed before he spoke again. "I remember, and I remember the socks that had oranges and nuts in it when I woke up!"

Mara pressed her mind against Audrey's, trying for the affection of a hug.

_'We need to get them to take us shopping. Alec needs clothes, and they both need presents. Obviously Yule was busy, but we can do a more secular Christmas celebration this year, and figure out next year what traditions we want to do so we can celebrate Ren's birthday without it getting lost in Yule.'_

Audrey sounded almost as excited as Alec. "We get to buy kid presents! There's so many things I've always wanted to do if I had a family- like new pajamas on Christmas Eve, and gingerbread men, and maybe a gingerbread house. I was already excited about cutting and decorating a tree with you guys, and this is so much better now."

Nathan and Duke kissed her cheeks, both murmuring, "Good morning, Audrey."

Alec looked up, into her eyes and smiled. "Good morning, Amma! I can see the difference now, is that good?"

Audrey smiled, stroking his hair. "That's really good. Most people take a long time to tell who is who- some still don't know unless we tell them."

His nose wrinkled. "Really? But you look different. People must not pay attention anymore. Mama always told me that being a conscientious observer was vital to success in any endeavor." He was obviously repeating words he'd memorized a hundred times over, but the serious, adult words seemed so out of place coming from a little boy. She had to try not to laugh.

Duke  _did_  laugh. "Yeah, you definitely sound like your Mama."

Alec smiled brightly, swallowing. "You could almost always tell them apart, I saw you. You saw Amma through the fake girl, and you saw when Mama got loose. But it's kind of cheating since you're not just using your eyes."

The adults looked at each other. "What do you mean, bud? I use my eyes."

"But that's what you see  _stuff_  with, not people. You see people with your insides, that's why you can see Mama and Amma so easy, and why you can tell nice guys from bad ones. You didn't start doing it until Mama came and your insides started waking up."

Nathan looked at Duke, taking his hand. "Your insides?"

"I think maybe he's talking about the whole... godling thing Mara mentioned." Duke looked uncomfortable. "Is it cheating if I don't do it on purpose, Alec?"

His small face got the look he wore when he was reciting from memory. "Using your special abilities allows you unfair advantage, so people with special abilities must always do their best to use those abilities in helpful, moral ways. It's still cheating, but it's okay if you're not doing something bad with it." He shrugged and shoved the last bite of his sandwich into his mouth.

Nathan's eyebrows were raised. "Did you have a school that you went to when you were here before, Alec?"

He shook his head, swallowing. "Mama was my teacher, we had classes every day. And Jacob taught me lots of puzzles. I wish he still had his workshop. He makes the best things! He made furniture for people, but when he found out how much Mama loved puzzles, he learned how to make puzzle boxes and he would bring her new ones all the time. She let me have some of them, too. Some are really hard!"

"He was a carpenter?" Duke stretched out on his side, propping his head up in one hand.

"Mama said he was an artisan. But Jacob said carpenter. I think they meant the same thing, though." Watching Duke, Alec stretched out on his tummy, wanting to be like the adults.

Audrey swallowed her own food, examining the situation. This was their first real chance to learn about Mara from someone else- a view not skewed by her self-esteem issues.

"Tell us what Mama was like before, Alec. I need a story while I finish lunch."

"Mama used to have a greenhouse, and a special workroom where she made medicine. She always sang songs when she worked. We had people come over almost every day, and some days there would be lines! She was the only healer anywhere around here. Sometimes I got to watch her heal people, and sometimes Jacob came up to play with me instead."

He looked up at Audrey, frowning a little. "Her hair was longer then. You guys touch her a lot, and I never saw anyone touch Mama except sometimes Jacob would touch her arm. I was the only person who could touch her. A couple of times I saw someone touch her when she didn't know they were gonna, and she screamed and backed up so fast she fell on her butt. But she let all the people here yesterday touch her and she didn't scream or cry. How come?"

The three adults exchanged loaded looks, and Mara was silent, not knowing what to say.

Audrey cocked her head, thinking as she answered. "Alec, sometimes when a person suffers a traumatic event it leaves scars just like any other injury, but you can't see them with your eyes. Mara has scars like those, big ones you can't see. Those put together with her hypersensitivity make touches feel scary for her. She's used to me and Duke and Nathan, and she trusts the other people who come on the boat, she knows them very well and knows they won't hurt her. That's why it doesn't bother her when any of us touch her."

His brow creased and his face twisted up. "But Mama trusted Jacob, and he still couldn't touch her without her knowing first."

Mara tried to shrink farther to the back. She hadn't thought about the things Alec might reveal about her.

_'I don't know what you want me to say.'_

_'Hell, fine. I'll deal with it.'_

Mara took control, trying to keep her expression neutral. "I do trust Jacob. I always have. But it's different here, Alec. Nathan and Duke are different, and we're tied together in a different way. Before I got sent away, I was still very afraid of some things. Knowing that something is safe, knowing it in your head, doesn't mean your body understands it. With Jacob, in the before-times, my body was still wired to be afraid. Duke was the first one who taught me not to be afraid of being touched.

"Sometimes, with other people I still have to concentrate- there are people who don't know I'm here, who think Audrey is alone in here, and she doesn't have the same problem as me, so people will touch me, thinking I'm her. I've learned how to hide my reactions when I'm not here at home. The people who are allowed on the boat are all tied to me too, in different ways, and so I'm not afraid with them."

Alec looked thoughtful, still frowning. "We saw when your Momma came and put you in the Barn. What she did was bad. How come you let her touch you?"

She chuckled, closing her eyes. She'd somehow forgotten this part- the constant questions, the 6 year-old drive to understand the world.

"My mother made a mistake, Alec. She thought I was hurting people and she didn't believe me when I told her the truth. She made a mistake, and I was very angry for a very long time. If you hold onto anger like that for a long time, it starts to hurt you. I had to forgive her so that I could stop hurting. Our relationship still isn't perfect, but we're learning. She's not a bad person, baby. She just made a mistake."

She had finished eating and Nathan handed her the baby. Alec looked up and his wide silver eyes looked sad.

"How come Poppa James never came to save you?"

Her stomach lurched and she held her breath for a long moment. She got Ren settled comfortably with a pillow under her to reduce the strain on Mara's torso.

"Poppa James has his own life and made his own choices, Alec. I don't know exactly why, there's nobody who can tell me but him and he's not here, but he decided his work was more important. I was a grown up, kind of, and I needed to take care of myself. Do you remember seeing your big brother James?"

Alec nodded eagerly.

"He lives with Poppa James now, he's studying to be an Occulus. My father had to choose between me and his work. His work won, and that's okay. He has the right to choose his work. He's not part of my life here anymore, and I don't expect we'll see him again."

She gave Nathan a pleading look, but sagged in relief when Duo's voice echoed through the ship, announcing marked visitors. Alec ran after Duke and Mara sighed, leaning into the pillows. "Sorry, I forgot about the questions. It's strange the things you can forget."

His long fingers brushed her face, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, fine." It was early, but she took more of the pain medication. Gloria  _had_  told her to not let the pain get too bad, and it was definitely headed in the wrong direction. Nathan handed her the water.

"It's okay, Mara. Don't be upset. We're not going to think less of you for anything, you have to know that. You belong here with us, and I'm sorry that you're hurting about it, but it's your father's loss. Our gain."

"I love you." The words were a hushed whisper.

He put his fingers under her chin, pulling her face up to look at him. He was smiling, tiny laugh lines around his eyes. "I love you too. There's a hint of that smile." He leaned forward to kiss her, and she relaxed, actually smiling.

When Duke came back, he was holding a large bag and a child's booster seat and Gloria was following with her hand squeezed tightly in Alec's.

"Hot damn, someone actually listened to me! You ate and you're resting. Don't tell me you're getting soft on me, punkin."

Mara laughed quietly, trying not to shake her chest. "Not even. Just trying to set a good example. And maybe I'm a little more reliant on the guys than usual, but it'll pass. I'll be the magic alien thorn in your side as soon as possible."

"Don't rush it. I want you resting as much as possible for at least a week, I'll check you out and we'll reevaluate after that." Gloria came to sit next to Mara, feeling her forehead as she cooed at Ren. "You're still a little cold. Drink. You need to replenish the fluids you lost. How's the pain?"

"I might have taken my pills a little early this time. But it's healing, nothing acute."

"Doctors always make the worst patients. Always trying to downplay things. I know those tricks, kiddo. Hell, I invented half of those tricks. I know for a fact that if I reached out and poked you you'd jump so high you'd probably hit the ceiling."

"But since you already know that, you don't need me to tell you, and you would never do that, especially when I have a baby in my arms." Mara smiled, eyes sparkling with mirth as she teased Gloria.

"You got me there. But listen, I got to thinking and I realized you have no clothes for a 6 year old, and you certainly aren't in any condition to go shopping, so I brought some things- already ran them through the wash so they're ready to wear. I left the present for you four and the baby when I was here yesterday, but I'm guessing you didn't open it yet."

"You brought Alec clothes? Thank you! That's so thoughtful. Last night Duke had to do all kinds of work to set up a sleep shirt that wouldn't just fall right off of him." She was watching eagerly as Nathan held up each item- enough for at least a week, which would give them time to get more.

"It was my pleasure. I have a few questions, if you don't mind. If you want to talk privately, we can send them out to do boy stuff."

"They find out everything anyway. It's fine. I have questions for you anyway."

"Were Alec's eyes always silver?"

"No, and that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, too. His eyes were blue. I have Aether doing some tests, but I was kind of hoping you might be able to do your magic too- a lot of little things are different, I was wondering if you could take samples from all of them and check Alec's against Nathan and Duke. I think Duke might have... I don't know, replaced DNA from a less welcome contributor and somehow switched it with his and Nathan's."

"If anyone could do it, it'd be Duke. Never met a rule he couldn't break. I brought my bag in this time, so if you want, I can take samples now."

Mara reached out to squeeze Gloria's hand. "That would be wonderful, thank you."

Mara pulled back to let Audrey have time, and they watched as Gloria lined the three boys up on the bed, Alec in between Nathan and Duke so he could see her take blood from Duke first. When it was his turn, Alec tried to put on his "tough" face, but Nathan grabbed his attention with the old "penny-behind-the-ear" trick, and before he even realized she'd started, Gloria was putting a band-aid on him.

He looked at her in wonder. "I didn't feel anything! Is that my blood?"

"Sure is, big guy. You want to hold the tube? It won't spill. Feel, you can see how warm your blood is, see? Now I marked your name on this one, so I can tell it from Duke and Nathan's, but look- if you hold them up together, they even look different."

Audrey leaned in to watch, and it was true- Alec's blood had little traces of Aether running through it, visible even to the naked eye. "Holy... that's amazing."

Alec straightened up quickly. "Gran, gran! I want to try a game! Can you tell if that's Mama or Amma right now?"

Gloria looked at her. "I'm guessing Mara is 'Mama' and Audrey is 'Amma'?"

Audrey nodded and shrugged, smiling wryly.

Gloria looked hard, squinting a little. "That's Audrey. Amma. Am I right?"

Alec clapped, bouncing. "I knew you'd know! Some people can't tell and I don't understand why. They look lots different to me."

"They do look different, but you know what's the same? They're both stubborn as mules."

Audrey laughed loudly. "Takes one to know one."

"Oh, I never said I wasn't. Besides, it's one of the things I like about you. Now you know better than to lie to me, Audrey, so tell me- how is she? Are you two having any pain that I need to be watching?"

"I honestly can't tell you. She's got it locked up tight, I doubt I'd feel it if you stabbed me right now. I felt for a few seconds a couple of times, and it was bad enough to knock the air out of me, but she's adamant about trying to keep me out of pain."

"That girl is  _more_  stubborn than a mule. Is there anything you want me to check out?"

"As a cop, yes, there's absolutely things I think need to be checked out, but she's too uncomfortable about it. But I want you to know how much it means that she came to you for help. Charlotte got her feelings a little hurt, but it's more important to me that Mara trusts you."

Gloria smirked a little. "I won't pretend that doesn't feel good. I always like being the favorite. Audrey, if you feel anything, anything at all that you think she's not being careful enough about, I'm trusting you to call me right away. I understand that she's private and thinks she can take on the world, but you girls are too important to me. Try to talk her into it. You may have to do something that makes you feel guilty if it's what keeps you two safe. You both know I won't say boo about it to anyone. But you need to be well to take care of these beautiful kids, you get me?"

Audrey nodded thoughtfully. "Do you have any problem with us going for a ride? We made plans weeks ago to go cut our first family Christmas tree today, we thought we'd still be pregnant. But we'll just be along for the ride, we'll sit in the car with the baby."

"Eh, that's fine, but try to keep the bumpy roads to a minimum."

Nathan and Duke finished dressing Alec in tan pants and a t-shirt. Duke was pulling out a sweater for him when she felt Mara's horrified, silent reaction. She spoke immediately. "Not red, Duke. Choose something else."

Duke shut his eyes, flinching. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. Look, here's a nice blue one." He bent to help Alec put the blue sweater on and Nathan leaned in to whisper in Gloria's ear. The doctor went pale, immediately taking the red sweater and shoving it in her medical bag out of sight.

"Okay, if you girls don't need me to check anything else, I'm going to go get some work done. Do you want me to check anything else?" She gave them a penetrating look.

Audrey finally rolled her eyes and shook her head. "She's determined right now. If I think something is wrong, I'll call you and she can be mad at me later."

"Good girl. I always have my phone on. You kids have fun getting a tree." She kissed Audrey's head. "Share that with your sister, huh? Duke, come walk an old lady out."

Audrey and Nathan laughed as Duke ran to obey.

Nathan took the baby, changing her and getting her dressed in a warm sleeper before turning to grab a sweater and help Audrey get dressed.

_'It's going to be okay, Mara.'_

_'I know that. I told you that myself.'_

_'No more unhappy thoughts today. I know how excited you've been, and we've got this amazing family, and this is our first Christmas too, Mara. Yours and mine both. Don't get caught in your head, and if the pain is too much, then let me help. We both deserve to be happy today.'_

_'I am. Just adjusting.'_

_'Let's go get a tree. I'm kind of excited to watch Duke and Nathan cut something down together.'_

Duo told them he already had plans, since William wasn't a threat for the moment, and he gave them the most innocent look he could- so they knew he was up to something, but crossed their fingers and hoped it would be good for a laugh later.

Duke carried Audrey so she wouldn't accidentally damage anything and Nathan carried the car seat. They all buckled up with Alec in his new booster seat, and set out for their first family Christmas tree.


	48. From the Mouths of Babes

Audrey and Mara sat in the back seat of the Land Rover with Alec on the other side, Ren in the middle in her rear-facing carseat. They hadn't had cars when Mara had Alec, and she'd been reading so much about carseat safety with Audrey that she'd gotten a little obsessive about it. Audrey had seen enough car accident scenes that the two women just fed off each other. They'd already warned Nathan and Duke more than once that they wanted Ren to stay rear-facing for at least the first year, but preferably to the height and weight limits of the seat.

Alec found the Land Rover- all cars, for that matter- tremendously fascinating. Of all the things that had changed since his life had ended, so far cars were his very favorite.

They wondered what he would think of his first airplane trip.

Nathan and Duke argued about radio stations, sports and anything else they could think of, and it amused Audrey and Mara. Even Alec rolled his eyes at one point. "Amma, do all daddies argue so much? Mama would have made me take a nap if I argued that much."

Audrey snorted and the men quit bickering. "Not all daddies argue so much, no. But then, not all daddies _love_ so much, either. Some families only have one daddy. There are all kinds of different families and all of them act differently. What's important is that we have the best family for us, and that everyone in our family knows how much we love each other."

The boy smiled brightly. "I love Daddy and Abba and Mama and Ren and Duo and Gran and Grandma and Dwight and Lizzy and Jacob and Vince and Dave and Echo and you, Amma. That's a lot of people to love all at once! We didn't have that many people before. I love other people too, the ones who I knew but didn't stay, but I thought the list might get too long if I said all the people who've gone away."

Audrey grinned at Duke and Nathan in the rear view mirror. "Yeah? That _is_ a lot of people. I didn't have that many people when I was a kid. Do you have a lot of people you love who aren't around anymore?"

He nodded seriously. "I loved Papa James and brother James, I love Jennifer and Claire and Granddaddy and Poppy. Those are my favorite ones who went away."

Audrey tilted her head quizzically. "Who are 'Granddaddy and Poppy'?"

"Granddaddy Roy. He didn't go through the door, but he's come to visit a few times from the places he goes to. Last time he came was when you and Mama got split in two. Everyone was so worried, but Granddaddy laughed and said 'I know that look, the kid is head over heels' and then he told me that Daddy was giving Mama the look you get when you meet the woman you're gonna marry."

Duke's voice was awed as he said, "You met Roy? Did you talk to Simon?"

"I met him, but not for very long. He was sad and he said he loved you but didn't know how to make up for stuff he did before. Jacob talked to him a lot and he told me some stories before he went through the door. Like about the bird you saved. He said you were born knowing all the secrets in the universe."

"What bird, Duke?" Audrey asked gently.

"I- damn, I had totally forgotten. There was this seagull, I found it on the beach. It was young. Not like 'flightless baby' young, but not too long out of the nest. It had a broken wing and I snuck it into the house to try and take care of it. My dad found it and I thought I was going to get bea... er, I thought I was going to get in trouble. But Simon took me to the pet store and got all the stuff and he helped me splint the wing and helped me keep the bird fed and everything. After four months, we actually got to release him and he flew away. I never knew why he did that."

Alec piped up before anyone else could speak. "Simon said that the 'sky rat' was the first thing he'd seen you look hopeful about since your mommy went away."

"Thank you for telling me, buddy. That makes me feel really good. Who's 'Poppy' though?"

"Abba's daddy, Garland. He stayed with us for awhile, he was happy to get to understand the secret stuff. When he found out who Amma really was and about Mama and everything, he said it was perfect 'cause it would take two women in one body to compete with Daddy. I didn't understand, but he said it was 'cause Abba'd already loved Daddy for so long that the only woman who would be right for Abba would love Daddy too, he kept saying you were a 'package deal'."

Nathan's jaw was clenched, his eyes tight. Audrey wanted to hold him. They'd all known Garland had loved Nathan in his way, but there had been so little evidence. Garland had been quiet and reserved, always keeping his feelings tightly guarded. Getting to hear stories from someone who was too young and honest to embellish to make Nathan feel better was a rare opportunity.

"So my dad, you call him 'Poppy'?"

"He said I should. Is that okay? He said he called _his_ grandpa 'Pop-Pop' but that 'Poppy' suited him better. Am I in trouble?"

Nathan shook his head quickly, wiping his eyes before he turned to ruffle Alec's hair over the back of the seat. "Of course you're not in trouble. It's really nice for me to hear these kinds of stories, because me and my dad didn't talk enough when he was alive. Sometimes the stories make me sad but it's only because I miss him and wish he was around still. I'm really glad you got to meet him. Did he ever say how he knew he'd be your grandfather?"

That small face wrinkled up in concentration. "He said you were already crazy about her, but after Poppy found out about me and Mama he said that you would never let her go and he said you were a 'goner' and a 'lucky dog' because he liked Mama back when they called her Lucy."

All the adults laughed as Duke pulled onto the dirt road, driving into a thickly wooded area. "Who wants to pick out a tree?"

"I do! I do!" Alec was bouncing in his booster seat, and Audrey started to reach over to unbuckle him when Duke made a warning sound at her, letting Nathan come around to unbuckle Alec as Duke opened the door to lean half on top of her as he unbuckled Ren, handing her to Audrey.

"You know the rules. Lifting, twisting, reaching and bending- you have to be careful how you move." Duke pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.

"I know, sorry. It's hard to remember when I don't feel it."

"So you really don't feel any pain at all?"

"No. Once in awhile if it gets too bad or she gets distracted I'll feel for a minute, but she always gets it hidden again really quickly."

"Can you feel other things?"

"I don't know, we should check."

Smiling, Duke leaned in and kissed Audrey slowly and thoroughly. He licked her lips as he backed up a few inches to look at her. "Did you feel that?"

"Not enough of it." She cuddled Ren close. "You can make it up to me later. Go find us a tree. And no doing anything that will be a bad influence." She reached for another kiss, and got one from Nathan too before their boys went to look at the trees around them.

_'Alec is so good for them already.'_ Audrey remarked.

_'You think so?'_

_'Of course I do, Mara. We can tell Nathan all day long that Garland loved him, but he still has doubts. He can't doubt Alec, because Alec cares too much about right and wrong and he has no reason to lie. Children are easier to trust about those kinds of issues.'_

_'I hope Nathan starts to believe. Garland loved Nathan so much. Every day of his life he loved Nathan. He just had no understanding of how to express it.'_

Ren started to fuss, so they undid the snaps on one side of the nursing tank they were wearing and helped the little girl latch on.

_'How long does it take to get used to the feeling of nursing?'_ Audrey asked.

_'You mean the uncomfortable, shivery feeling you get when they start suckling and your milk starts flowing or the actual discomfort?'_

_'Both, but since you mentioned it, is the discomfort going to get worse? It's not so bad right now.'_

_'You'll adjust to the shivery feeling in a couple of weeks. There will be times when we get chapped nipples or her latch will be wrong and that hurts, but as long as we use the cream and pay attention to how she's doing, we should be fine. Just remember to switch sides regularly and make sure we nurse enough, even if we just have to pump, because we don't want to get mastitis.'_

_'How did you learn all of this the first time around, when you didn't have the internet or so many books?'_

_'I was still in contact with my father then. I'd already learned a lot just from my lessons- biology is mandatory for any kind of healer- so I had access to a lot of information, but most I learned from experience. You can study every book ever written, but you still have no idea what you're doing until you've actually done it. We're lucky, Ren is a good nurser already. I had some trouble with Alec, it took awhile for us to really get the hang of it. Probably because I was so young and I was still growing.'_

_'I keep forgetting how young you were when you had him. You were the equivalent of what- 13?'_

_'About that. Just past puberty. It wasn't that unusual at the time. Most girls married young then. My marital status was a bigger deal than my age. A widow with no family, no male relatives protecting her? It was really rare, more so than my age. Oh! Alec's test results are ready!'_

Audrey watched the information with Mara, but she couldn't understand what she was seeing.

_'What is this, how do you read this?'_

_'Oh, sorry. This is how scientific data is read where we come from. You have to understand binary code and be able to construct it in your head. It's like a test- you can never train to become an Occulus if you can't read their language. I should have translated it, sorry. To you, it should look like...'_

There was a slight shift, then what looked like papers in front of her eyes, stock computer paper with color coding and tests laid out neatly.

_'Wait, so that big wall of moving numbers, when you look at it it looks like this? Like I would get a report or a memo?'_

_'Yes. I started learning to read it almost from birth. It took time, but I eventually adapted. Now it's just automatic.'_

_'So what does it mean?'_

_'I need to check with Gloria for confirmation, but this indicates that there is no trace of William in Alec. That genetic markers for both Nathan and Duke are present. He did it, Audrey. Duke replaced William's DNA with his and Nathan's. He made Alec biologically all of ours.'_

_'I didn't really think that was possible. I thought we were just making ridiculous wishes.'_

They looked at their boys, arguing about two trees with Alec in the middle trying to mediate. Their heart thumped erratically and they gasped, caught between laughter and tears.

_'I did too. I thought even running the test was silly because there was no way that could happen. I thought maybe the eye color was some kind of mutation from being brought back. I hoped, I wished, but I certainly never expected.'_

_'Should we go stop their argument?'_

They both knew they were supposed to wait in the car. But the ground was flat, Ren weighed less than ten pounds and they were really excited. They both wanted to go. So they slid out of the car, keeping a grip on the baby as they moved. Audrey wrapped an extra blanket around Ren and walked slowly to join the boys. They appeared to be arguing over two nearly identical trees.

"What's going on? Are you having trouble choosing?"

"Hey, I call shenanigans. Aren't you supposed to be sitting down?"

"What I was specifically told was to rest and not carry more than 10 pounds. I am not carrying more than 10 pounds."

Duke threw his hands up in the air. "See? This is what I deal with. Audrey is supposed to be the _reasonable_ one. Just like Nate is supposed to be 'reasonable' but once again, nobody is doing what they're supposed to."

Alec giggled, covering his face with his mittens.

"What is Nathan being unreasonable about?"

Duke held up a finger, pursed his lips and then pointed at her. "Okay, check this out. Nate thinks this tree is perfect, when clearly this tree is much, much better Christmas Tree material."

Nathan shook his head. "That tree isn't full enough."

"No, your tree is _too full_. You have to have space for ornaments. You get a tree that full and you won't be able to fit any decorations. Audrey, help me out here!"

Tucking the blanket tighter around the baby, Audrey stood back to appraise both trees. She puckered her lips, squinting at the other trees around them and she walked to another tree about six feet away. "This one. It's full, but has lots of space because the branches are offset. It's also the perfect height for you guys to lift Alec to put the snowflake light on top."

Duke and Nathan looked at the tree in silent contemplation.

"Yeah, that looks pretty good." Nathan nodded agreeably.

Duke said "No complaints."

They started cutting as Alec gazed up in wonder. "How'd you do that? I tried to make them stop fighting a whole bunch of times!"

"The trick is finding something that has what they both want, never just choosing between the two options they give you. They grew up together, so a lot of time their fights are just a silly way of saying, 'I love you' because the words alone don't say how much they love each other. When they fight like that, it's like saying, 'I love you more than the whole world, and I trust you to love me back even when I'm acting super silly'. Does that make sense?"

Alec nodded. "It makes me laugh when they fight like that 'cause they aren't really yelling. Not angry yelling. They yell like they're trying not to laugh."

Audrey tousled Alec's hair. "You're right. Because they _are_ trying not to laugh. They know when they're being silly- usually."

Nathan and Duke came up to them, carrying the tree together, and they strapped it to the top of the Land Rover under Audrey's guidance.

_'Mara?'_

_'Hmm?'_

_'You're being awfully quiet. Are you alright?'_

_'Yeah.'_

_'Why are you speaking Nathan-ese?'_

_'Thinking how amazing life is. Every single day we're surrounded by miracles. Children are born perfect every day, people fall in love or get married or get Christmas Trees, never thinking how they've beaten the odds to get to where they are. Not appreciating how amazing it is that they've gotten so far.'_

_'That's true. Everyone is so busy looking ahead that they forget to look around. I know I did it.'_

_'Everyone does it sometimes. That's why we need to be reminded to stop and look around. We both grew up alone- even though those memories weren't exactly real, they were real to you. So your childhood was lonely, just like mine. We both kind of raised ourselves. That's why it's even more special that we've come so far.'_

_'I'm glad you're here to show us.'_

Nathan left Duke to help Audrey back into the Land Rover, buckling Ren into her car seat. "You picked a good tree. How are you feeling?"

"We're alright. Mara's hurting, but we were just saying how good we have it. We really do have the perfect family."

He wound one hand into her hair and she leaned into the touch. "You are amazing. Most days I wake up and I'm so surprised you're there with me I can't breathe for a minute. You're strong and smart and beautiful, and I'm the luckiest guy who ever walked the earth."

She smirked at Nathan. "Oh yeah? You're not so bad yourself. And you've got Duke, too. If you're lucky to have me, what are you to have both of us?"

Nathan grinned, pretending to think really hard. "Compassionate, understanding, determined... no, really I just had to be good in bed." Little lines appeared around his eyes as his smile widened at Audrey's chuckle.

"Well you are that. But you're all the other things you said, too. It's nice, being a team. Being a couple was wonderful, but being a team is even better." She tilted her head and leaned up to kiss Nathan. His hand squeezed her neck and his other arm slid around her back. The kiss deepened, and Audrey pulled her head back, her lips occasionally touching his as she spoke.

"Nathan?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Are you wearing my lip gloss?"

He didn't move, trying to look cool but his cheeks burned red. "Chapstick. It's cold out here, and you two don't like it when my lips get chapped."

Nathan was saved as Duke opened the other door, interrupting as he helped Alec into his seat. "That's not chapstick, and worse it's not your color. I can't believe you, making out in the car when I'm out there in the snow, toiling away to ensure the safe transportation of our very first family Christmas tree. You know what you are, Nate? You're a blister. You show up after the hard work is done."

Nathan stared at Duke. "But safe transportation of special items used to be your primary source of income. You're the smuggler, I didn't want to get in your way." He backed up, poked his head up and leaned back in. "It looks fantastic, by the way. You're better at that than me. Even when I can feel I'm too clumsy."

Duke's shoulders drooped and he smiled a little, the fake-fight forgotten. "Thank you. You have to put the tree up the right way or else the branches can get damaged during the drive."

Nathan winked at Audrey and she bit her lip, trying to keep her laughter contained.

When they arrived back at the _Rouge_ , Audrey carried Ren and called Duo out to help with the tree. Duke refused to let her walk all the way in, scooping her up and carrying her inside as Nathan followed, Alec asleep in his arms.

Once Audrey and the kids were settled, she fed the baby while she watched them wrestle the tree into the stand. After that, the real show started.

Nathan and Duke had turned arguing into a sport even as children. As adults, they applied it to everything they did together, from meals to work to sex. Putting up a Christmas Tree was no exception. Everything from which direction the lights should be strung- top to bottom or bottom to top, clockwise or counterclockwise, blinking or always on- it was discussed, debated and whined about.

It would have been irritating if she didn't know them so well, if she didn't know they did it to draw out the interaction. They wanted to share everything, they had years to make up for. It made the constant bickering feel more like hugging and kissing. They had their own language.

Alec was awake by the time they'd finished the lights, and he helped his fathers put the decorations on, staring constantly at the colored lights. Audrey and Mara took pictures.

_'We never had electric lights, obviously. I can only imagine what it's like to see them for the first time.'_

_'Christmas was always kind of depressing when I was a kid. So much focus on family, it kind of drove home the fact that we had no families.'_

_'And now you have a big family. Feels strange, doesn't it?'_

_'What's strange is that I think I miss being pregnant. It feels like... like it was easier to protect Ren when she was inside us. Now it seems like a huge, scary responsibility. Like having your heart walking around outside your body.'_

_'It takes awhile to get used to. Every time you get used to one milestone, they're going for another, so you're always on edge. You're waiting to go into labor, then waiting to heal and for the anxiety to pass. Then you're waiting for them to roll over, sit up, crawl, walk, talk... the time passes very quickly because you're always looking ahead. I'd be happy to just freeze today forever. Here in this ship where we're safe, where he can't see the children.'_

_'How are you feeling? Is it time for the medication?'_

_'It's time. If I can keep my head, it's manageable. When I start getting anxious it all seems to spiral out of control.'_

_'Will you please just let me see how bad it is? I'm not forcing you to stay open. Just let me see.'_

_'I don't think that's a good idea.'_

_'I trust you. It's your turn to trust me.'_

Audrey could feel Mara considering the request. _'Are you sure?'_

The three words were laced with trepidation and dread. That alone made her want to feel, to understand what Mara was so afraid of.

_'I'm positive. We're a team, remember?'_

As Mara relaxed her hold, pain washed over Audrey, making her hold her breath. Audrey's mouth fell open and she grabbed the arm of the couch with her free hand, her body shifting slightly. As she moved, Audrey understood what Mara was trying to hide.

As much as her torso hurt, it was absolutely nothing next to her hips and pelvis. She could sense Mara's shame as the pain grew, leaving Audrey unshielded for the first time since they'd gone into labor.

_'Why didn't you tell me? Mara, something could be broken.'_

_'Nothing is broken but the ribs. I'd know. It's soft tissue injury. Nothing we can do but wait it out.'_

_'Isn't it more strain for you to hide it from me? Mentally, at least? Maybe if you're not so focused on keeping me out of pain you can relax a little and we'll heal faster. At least I'd know I wasn't making it worse every time I move.'_

_'Why should you have to feel this? You're not the one who left us unprotected. This is my fault. My responsibility.'_

_'We're a team, Mara. We work together. I could have reminded you before we fell asleep- I forgot too.'_

Audrey took the pain pills, trying to imagine why Mara was subjecting herself to this alone.

Mara hesitated, trying to find the words to explain what she was feeling.

_'I've done my best to make up for the damage I caused to this town and everyone in it, but that doesn't change the fact that my existence is why everyone has suffered so much. William wouldn't be after you guys if it wasn't for me. It frustrates me that you have to feel the things I feel. I've gotten by for a long time on the fact that people are afraid of me, that they believe I'm strong. I don't like feeling weak, but I absolutely despise looking weak.'_

_'You're not weak. You're the strongest person I know.'_

_'I'll leave it partway open so you don't make anything worse when you move. Enough that the pain medication should leave you comfortable. Is that good?'_

_'It's a start, Mara.'_

They were burping Ren when Duo came through the wall.

"Tree looks good, guys. You put the lights on backwards, though."

He winked at Audrey and Mara when Nathan said, "See? I told you!"

"Anyway, I have your surprise ready. You guys want to come check it out?"

Audrey stood, and Nathan frowned at her, coming to pick her up. "There's stairs and you're supposed to be off your feet."

She just shook her head and kissed his cheek.

They followed Duo down to the hold, and Audrey and Mara were stunned. While they'd been gone, Duo had taken Mara's drawings and rebuilt the entire hold. Light wood flooring and slate blue walls brightened up the hallway, and there were four doors. One bathroom with a deep tub, perfect for the kids- it even had a step stool in front of the sink so Alec could see himself when he brushed his teeth.

Ren's room was simple, but Duo had wrestled the crib set down and assembled the furniture, and they could imagine what it would look like with decorations. It was lovely and safe.

"Duo, this is amazing. You didn't have to do all of this by yourself! Thank you so, so much."

"I wanted to. I want everyone to be comfortable. But wait til you see Alec's room!" He hustled them across the hall, throwing open the room.

One side of the room had a fort with ladders, a raised platform held his mattress a few feet from the ceiling, while underneath a door led into a small play area. He had space on the other side of the room for a dresser and everything a regular bedroom needed, but the bed-fort was amazing, and Alec was already climbing. At the foot of the bed was a slide so Alec would climb up and slide down. The boy was in absolute heaven.

He peered at them from the top of his bed. "Look! I'm taller than everyone!" He scuttled over the bed and zipped down the slide. "Thank you, Duo! This is the very best present ever!"

Alec threw his arms around Duo's legs and the Aetherling blushed adorably. "Hey, that's what I'm here for, bud. If you want anything changed, we'll work on it together. Your parents can get you all the other stuff you need, I can only do the actual building. You want to come with us to see their room?"

"Does it have a slide too?"

"No, buddy. Sorry."

"Can I stay here and play or would that be rude?"

"Sure you can, it's not rude." Duke picked Alec up to hug him, then set him loose on his fort. "I'll go online tonight and order the rest of the stuff he needs. This is great though."

Nathan nodded. "You really outdid yourself."

"You haven't seen your room yet!"

He led them to the last door, pausing for effect before he let them in.

It was big, the wood of the floor was darker, the walls a richer blue, and had several light sources so they could make it as bright or as dim as they wanted to. There was a walk-in closet and a large bathroom with separate tub and shower.

Duke whooped loudly. "Three person bathtub! You really get us, man."

"Yes, I get that you're sexual deviants. That's why you have to live on a boat, because the neighbors would complain about the noise if you had any."

"Exactly! Like I said, you get us."

Audrey snorted a laugh, clapping her hand over her face. A year ago, everything had been so different. It was strange, confusing,infuriating, frightening and amazing.

It was a family.


	49. Heal It Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no copyright, I would have answered more questions than they did.
> 
> Song for this chapter is 'Heal It Up' by Concrete Blonde

 

* * *

The next few days were a blur of constant motion. Getting used to having kids, healing, fixing up the addition and dealing with the extended family left them little room to think- which was probably exactly what they'd needed to begin with. An escape from their thoughts.

They sat in a rocking chair with the baby as Mara tried to teach Audrey the finer points of creating.

_'It's not as simple as thinking, "Hey, I want a blanket!". Like anything connected to Aether or our abilities, Intent is everything. You have to be specific. You have to consider the type of fibers, the color, the texture. How it's woven. If it feels new and stiff or well-worn and loved. You can see, when I considered the weaving I had the image of actually weaving. Those things I learned how to do so that I could learn to master my Intent. It's hard to fully picture or consider something you know nothing about. Everything I've learned, every skill I have I learned in order to hone my Intent.'_

_'Did you have no childhood at all?'_

Mara smiled and stroked Ren's cheek.

_'I did. In a way. Special time with Daddy. But it was still an experience where I was able to and expected to learn something. Swimming, for instance, was special time with Daddy, but I had to learn the specific anatomy; which muscles and organs was I using to swim and hold my breath? What was the chemical composition of the water around us? Especially after the cure, when I was learning to use the Aether. I had to learn how to ask it questions, how to run tests and scans. I couldn't afford a normal childhood because I wasn't a normal child.'_

Mara's hand shifted and she hummed quietly, eyeing the new quilt she'd just finished for their specially-made bed. The dark turquoise and navy reminded her of the tides at twilight. It was heavy and thick and most importantly, actually fit the bed.

_'So what do we need to think of for Nathan's shelves?'_

_'You consider size and shape. How big must the tree the boards came from have been? Were they cut with or against the grain? For this set, we're doing knotty pine, so you also want to think about which boards have the best knots, the best-looking side to be on the outer edge. Once you have all of that in mind, it's like putting a puzzle together. Which piece to which piece?'_

She nodded, putting the shelves together in her head step by step to show Audrey before humming the music of _Creation_ , when shelves appeared on the wall as if by magic.

_'There. Now Nathan has a place to put all the books he keeps badgering Duke about having stacked on the floor.'_

_'I am never going to learn this stuff. Even in 500 years I won't be half as good as you. There's too much involved!'_

_'You're looking at it the wrong way. That's not how you go into Trouble cases, is it? One big bad Trouble that has to just go away? No, you start thinking how the Trouble works, what ways it's hurting and what ways it's helping- remember, all of them have a beneficial side, they were Gifts originally- and then you consider who the person is and what's motivating them. You deconstruct the Trouble in order to solve it. People may think I just fling Aether around and look pretty, but it's not just my freak genetics that make this happen. I still direct the Aether. It takes time and training to learn to do that properly.'_

_'Well, I think I prefer the badge and gun, myself. Giving a Gift or taking a Trouble I can manage, but all of the other stuff- the scanning and creation- it just seems impossible.'_

_'Give it time. People tend to manifest what they need when they need it. We know you have the ability, so if you ever really need it, you can do it. And handling the Troubles is most of what we do lately anyway,'_

_'Will you make it snow? I always wanted snow on Christmas.'_

_'Happy to.'_

Rolling her neck and raising Ren to burp her, Mara stretched her abilities outward, calling the thick clouds that would give them a good snowfall. She took Ren to the nursery, changed her and laid her down in the crib, setting a sentinel orb above her.

When the baby was down, they went to the kitchen to play with Duke, who seemed to be cooking enough to feed half the town.

"I'm starting to think we should have had dinner at the _Gull_." Mara teased, stealing an olive.

"Hey, leave those alone. Nathan will be very cross with you if I have to send his happy ass out in the snow to get more."

"Eh, Nathan hasn't been cross with me in awhile. It might be fun."

"Someone's feeling feisty this afternoon."

"Mm. Audrey is getting frustrated with her lessons."

"Ah, but what level of frustration?" Duke handed her a glass of tea. "Is it 'complaining' or is it 'throwing shit to see if she can make it stick in the wall'? There is a world of nuance there."

"That's fair, you're right. She's just complaining. She probably would have stomped her foot once, but that's all. She just prefers her specialties to mine. It doesn't bother me, I just want her to be able to do everything I can do."

"Just be glad you're not on Nathan-duty. This transporting thing is rapidly going from 'awesome Gift' to 'possible Trouble'. It's constant, he'll move shit just to see if he can. I swear to god, he's gonna go all Darth Vader and start using his powers for evil."

"The draw of the Dark Side is strong." Mara agreed, sipping her tea.

"Don't tell me you're not at all worried about how this is going to end up."

"Duke, you're just afraid that he'll decide that his practical jokes are more important than his good sense and he'll use it to embarrass you. You don't actually believe Nathan will turn evil."

"Maybe I just have a different interpretation of the word evil! Have you really stopped to consider the things he could do?"

"Of course I have, and yes, some have the potential to be absolutely hilarious. But I'll tell you the same thing I told him- We have kids in the house and we have to be good role models. So no, I am not worried, because Nathan knows the rules and he really doesn't want to make us mad."

Four large paper sacks full of presents appeared on the table the moment Mara shut her mouth, and Duke raised an eyebrow at her. "Nate's home."

"We're going to assume his hands are just full and he's helping Alec."

Duke smirked and shrugged as Nathan herded Alec in ahead of him, His arms were indeed full of bags. Mara hurried to help him unload.

"These are from Gloria, the ones in the green paper are Charlotte. Pink is Laverne, funny pages is Vince and Dave, burlap and butcher wrap is Jacob. I don't suggest asking him about wrapping paper. He's got... loud opinions about it."

Mara chuckled, putting the wrapped packages under the tree. "A lot of things we take for granted seem insanely frivolous to someone from 500 years ago. Paper was expensive and hard to get. It's culture shock. I think you'd have had a much harder time adapting to life 500 years ago. You couldn't just put on a dapper hat and jacket and sail through life."

Nathan held his hands to his chest, groaning. "Ohh, aww, you wound me. But you liked that hat and jacket. And I was a boy scout. I could have survived in the past."

Mara laughed, sitting close enough to the kitchen to include Duke in the conversation. "I did like that hat and jacket, it's true. But dropping you into Haven 500 years ago would be hilarious. You wouldn't know how to speak without drawing attention, how and where the toilets worked, how to make yourself a mattress to sleep on- No, you're a creature of this generation and that's nothing to be ashamed of. But the difference between survival then and survival now is like the difference between DOS and Windows. One you had to know how to do everything step by step, the other is convenient, you point and click.

"You can go online and have groceries delivered, buy movies, shoes and furniture all at the same time, from your home. In the bathroom, even. If I wanted a dress and a new pair of shoes, I would have to go to the general store or the weaver to pick cloth, then take that to the seamstress to get measured and have the dress sewn, then I'd have to spend hours at the cobbler's getting more measurements and choosing the things I want the shoes made of. Every few months, we had to harvest new rushes to fill our sleeping mats. Water came from the well and had to be heated on the wood stove. It was a little easier for me, but still. Ask Audrey, she hates the amount of things she's having to learn just to make things. Oh, your shelves are up in the bedroom, by the way."

Nathan grabbed her face, kissing her soundly. "You are amazing. Thank you so much. I can put those books up and quit tripping."

Duke shook his head, stirring a pot. "You could always go around."

"And what do you suggest when Ren starts crawling? I doubt you'll want her teething on first editions, Duke."

"Whatever makes our princess happy."

"Wrong." Mara intoned. "Unless I'm the princess. But no, she will not be gumming up your books. Kids need to know what's off limits, for their own sake. Kind of like husbands."

"Hey! Watch it, woman. I'm cooking for people who are technically my _in-laws_. I'm already being a perfect husband."

Mara grinned deviously. "If Alec takes a nap, I'll make it up to you."

He looked interested. "How?"

"You'll see. I'll go see if I can get him to take a nap." She stood, kissing Duke as Nathan started moving books.

She went down to the bedrooms, poking her head into Alec's room.

"Alec? You in here?"

His head popped out of the fort. "I'm here, Mama. Abba took me all over to pick up presents. It's snowing now, though! Is it your snow? It feels like it."

Mara walked into the room, setting a few books back on the shelf. "It is my snow, yep. Amma wanted snow for Christmas. We're going to have company this evening, so I think you should take a nap. What do you say?"

His little face pouted. "Do I have to?"

"I don't know, do you want to have fun tonight with your family or do you want to be cranky and tired when you try and open presents?"

He sighed dramatically and climbed up into his bed. When he opened the high door, Mara leaned in to kiss his face. "Sweet dreams, little man. You'll have fun tonight, I promise."

"I love you, Mama. Tell Amma too, please."

Alec yawned despite his resolve and Mara replied, "She heard you and loves you too. Nap. Then we'll put you to work when you're up."

Setting an orb to give them warning when he got up, she closed the door and went back to the kitchen. Duke was still stirring.

"Alec is down. I assume you need to watch whatever it is your're cooking."

"I do, why? Did you want to go out?"

She smiled with dark eyes. "Not out, no. Just something I wanted to do." She pressed herself against his back, wrapping her arms around his stomach.

"What do you want to do?"

She bit his shoulder blade gently through the cotton of his shirt, her deft hands unbuckling his belt and fly, sliding a hand down to wrap around him. He was hard in seconds, breathing rapidly.

"Uh, aren't you still off limits for a few weeks?" His voice squeaked a little.

"Not my whole body." She came around to face him, trailing her lips down his face before she sank to her knees.

As she wrapped her lips around him, she was certain she heard Duke mutter, "Christmas is my very favorite holiday."

Mara dug her fingers into the skin of his hips, sucking harder to force out the sounds that she loved so much. It didn't matter that she wasn't going to get sex herself. The noises would keep her warm enough.

The whisk fell and Duke's hands wrapped in her hair. He gazed down at her and groaned, his body going taut. "That feels so good, and you look so unbelievably beautiful."

She swirled her tongue, scraping her teeth gently against him. Oh yes, there- that ragged inhalation, the slight tightening of his hands in her hair. That's what she was looking for. She sucked harder and Duke's head dropped back, strain obvious in the muscles on his thighs and hips.

Mara scratched Duke, taking in as much of him as she could.

No, sex didn't cure everything. But it sure helped.

Focused, head bobbing, she felt when he was close and she picked up speed, holding him tighter. Duke's eyes rolled and he gripped the counter behind him as he panted and cursed, his body shaking. "Mara, I..."

She continued, letting his moans wash over her, swallowing when his muscles went slack. She gazed up at him, pressing a kiss against him as she re-buttoned his fly. Mara took Duke's hand when he reached to help her up. "What was that for? Have I been exceptionally good?" He kissed her lips and she wrapped her arms around him.

"Don't need a reason. You're sexy when you're cooking and I have gone too damn long without sex."

"I know, five days is an eternity, isn't it?"

"Mock if you like, but there are two of us in here. That makes it ten days. And since we have two of you guys, it's more like 20 days."

"I had sex with Nathan!"

"Yes, but I didn't get to take part."

Duke laughed, trying to catch his breath as he started whisking again. "I love the way your brain works."

Mara shrugged, stealing another olive. "Somebody has to. I'm underrated. An acquired taste, if you will."

"Oh, I like the way you taste."

"Watch it, Duke. I'm about one innuendo to throwing the rules out the window and seducing you. I heal quickly. In fact, if we were careful, I bet we _could_ throw the rule book out the window."

Nathan came back in, jacket put away and little drops of water in his hair from melted snowflakes. "Who's throwing out what rule book now?"

Smiling, Mara stepped up to Nathan, winking at Duke before she kissed Nathan. "The sex rule book. If nobody tries to break me, I think that's what I want. I'm not bleeding, the six-week rule was made for humans. I miss you both so much."

Nathan kissed her deeper, chuckling after a moment. "You taste like Duke."

She grinned. "Good thing we like the same things. Ren is down for a nap, Alec is down for a nap- with a sentinel to warn us if he wakes up."

"But you've still been having pain, Mara. I'm afraid you'll get hurt."

"The pain is fading, and though you might have to be a little more gentle than I usually beg for, I feel like being alone with you two will make us feel better than anything."

Sweet Nathan took her hands, looking at her seriously. "I know how strong you are and I want you so bad I can hardly stand it. But I know how badly you were injured. I don't want to make it worse."

Mara wrapped her arms around Nathan's neck. "You don't make things worse, Nathan. You and Duke make things _better_. "

Duke turned off what he was whisking on the stove top, adjusted the oven, and said, "Woman wants a Christmas present, Nate. So do I. I trust her judgement." He scooped her up and headed for the bedroom. "I have been absolutely dying to break in that amazing new bed."

"That's the spirit!" Mara kissed his cheek. "Not sure why you're carrying me, though. We know I can walk."

"I'm carrying you to our new marital bed. I think that's like a threshold thing after you get married. Certain things are tradition."

Nathan followed them into the bedroom and both men noticed the new quilt immediately. "Holy crap! That wasn't there this morning!" Duke sounded shocked as he and Nathan paused together and Nathan traced his fingers up Duke's spine.

"They put together shelves, too." The shelves were packed with books and atlases- Nathan never did a job halfway- and they looked beautiful.

"You're amazing, did you know that?" Duke's voice was almost as admiring as his eyes.

"This is what was frustrating Audrey during lessons. She has the ability, but hasn't mastered the patience. Do you like the blanket?"

"I don't know, let's find out." His smile was wicked as Duke set Mara down. She wiggled out of her pants and panties, but got a warning growl when she reached to pull her shirt off.

"They're rules for a reason, beautiful. Nate, why don't you do the honors of taking off her shirt." Duke was smiling, his eyes dark and glittering. Nathan happily complied. Ignoring the bruises, Mara leaned back against her elbows, crossing her ankles.

"So, any closer to liking the blanket?"

Duke's voice was rough and scratchy as he stared at her. "Most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life."

A slow smile crossed her face. "You like that, you should see how nice it is in the bed, under the covers." She scooted up to free the sheets and pull them down, patting the bed.

"Of course, you've both been working, so you'll have to take off your clothes. Don't want to get the sheets dirty, do we?"

Duke jumped as Nathan slid his hands up the hem of Duke's shirt, pulling it up and over his head, pressing against him to kiss him until Duke was dizzy and breathless.

Duke pulled off Nathan's shirt too, leaning in to gently bite at his nipples, making Nathan groan. Then they were both fumbling at each other's waistbands, kissing ardently. Once they were both bare, they joined Mara in the new bed, murmuring compliments that she just wasn't paying attention to. "Nathan, lie down. You're so worried about breaking me, I'm on top." She pulled Duke to kneel behind her; his strong, gentle arms wrapping around her as she adjusted herself over Nathan, slowly pushing down onto him. Her eyes slipped closed as Nathan filled her and she leaned back into Duke's chest, tilting her head so he could nibble her neck.

She rocked slowly, letting her body adjust to being loved again.

It was strange; the amount of tissue damage they had sustained had caused so much pain, but even just a few days later, there was no pain, only joy where Nathan pressed against her and where Duke held her up. There was a lesson here- pain caused by an enemy wasn't nearly as strong as the touch of someone who loved her. It reminded her vaguely of the pain from cutting off her toe. It had been worth it when Duke triggered, when she knew he would live.

Love was stronger than hate, pain or fear.

Blissful, Mara smiled, one hand spread out on Nathan's chest, right over his heart, the other holding Duke's arm where it crossed her chest. Duke's facial hair gave her goose bumps, shivers running up her spine. They were exactly what they were meant to be, four people who loved each other and their town.

Watching Nathan's face and feeling the kisses on her neck and shoulders, she experienced a sense of _belonging_. Of having a place where she was wanted and perhaps needed- somewhere she wanted to be.

She pushed down harder, moaning. Nathan raised a hand to trace his fingers over her face and down her throat, cupping her breast. Mara moaned, rocking faster, each movement tightening her body and making her breath speed up.

A few minutes later, her entire body went rigid and her mouth opened like she was screaming, but no sound left her. Duke held her upright, one arm across her chest, the other pressing against her abdomen. Nathan groaned, jerking up into her as he came. For the first time in days, she felt worthy of being _treasured_.

She rose to pull off of Nathan and he put his arm out for Mara to cuddle in, but Duke stopped them.

"Mara, are you in too much pain, or do you think you can handle being loved again? Because I have missed you so much it physically hurts."

She smiled lazily. "I'm never to tired or busy for you, you know that. I missed you, too."

"Don't move. I want Nathan to see you. Hold his hands."

Heart pounding erratically, Mara took Nathan's hands, holding herself up. As Duke shifted, she bent to kiss Nathan and rub her cheek against his, trailing more kisses over his jaw.

"Do you promise you'll tell me if I hurt you?" Duke asked the question in a serious voice as his long, strong fingers kneaded the flesh of her hips.

"I promise, Duke. I promise, _please_. I've missed you so much."

He placed kisses up her spine, making her tremble. She felt him against her, held her breath in anticipation, and he pushed in slowly. Mara's eyes never left Nathan's but her mouth opened slightly, panting as Duke filled her.

Again, there was no pain, only the sense of completion, of homecoming. She gripped Nathan's hands as she pushed back. Duke had one arm wrapped around her, bracing himself with the other. His voice was like velvet when he spoke in her ear.

"You feel so good. Never mind the boat, you and Nate are my home." He sucked and nibbled on her earlobe, thrusting in and out, their bodies drawn together like magnets. Mara leaned forward to kiss Nathan, wanting him to know how vital he was, how much they needed him.

"Please, harder. You two are healing me. Just love me. I want to hear you, Duke."

He groaned deep in his chest, moving a little harder. "I'm afraid I'll hurt you, Mara."

"You won't. I know you won't. Don't be afraid. I need you."

His arm held her tight against him. For a moment in time, there was no fear or anxiety. There was only love, enough for the entire state, all in one boat.

Duke thrust harder and Mara gasped, her fingers digging into Nathan's and gripping his hands hard.

"You won't hurt me. I- oh, yes, Duke, I can't..." She lost the ability to speak and Nathan squeezed her hands tighter, raising his head to capture her lips with his own, and she wailed from her chest and throat as she climaxed again, the sound of Duke's moans making her chest feel too full. Nathan's eyes roamed over both of them and the _sound_ Duke was making was making it hard to breathe. He bit her shoulder as he came, his arm still around her, his chest pressed tight against her back as his hips jerked against her.

When he parted from her, Duke and Nathan cuddled into her sides the way they had before Ren was born. Mara closed her eyes, trying to catch her breath. For the first time in days she felt complete; not like the terrified, broken shell she'd been since William hurt her.

Audrey's voice was blissful and sleepy. _'See, everything is better with teamwork.'_

_'I don't know how, but you've managed to make insufferable idiocy kind of endearing. Thank you for your help, especially the last few days. I promise William will die for this, for hurting you. I won't live with him as a constant threat to our kids.'_

_'As soon as we're able. We're safe here, he doesn't know about the kids and he can't see in. Let's enjoy the time we have. We'll go after him when we're ready.'_

_'At least Vince's girlfriend is above-board. One thing we don't need to worry about."_

_'No, nothing to worry about now but psychopathic stalkers. Things are finally getting back to normal'_

_'Thank the Gods, I thought you were getting soft and sappy. When you go back you work you'll have to start beating people up again. I was concerned that you wouldn't be able to.'_

"What are you two talking about?" Nathan kissed her temple as he spoke.

"Police brutality." Mara answered instantly.

Duke laughed, kissing her arm. "Are you in favor of or against?" His smile was contagious and she smirked.

"Depends on the situation. Here in Haven? In favor of, unequivocally. A few cattle prods would keep them in line."

Nathan tickled her side. "You could have just given me the laser-beam eyes."

She snickered. "Not a chance. Duke's already afraid you're going to go mad with power."

"Why don't you two take a nap while the kids are asleep? I still have some cooking to finish for tonight." Duke kissed her shoulder as he murmured the words.

"You aren't telling me you can't take half an hour to rest with us. The food will be perfect, it's just our friends and family, you don't have to go crazy. Stay with us."

"She's right, Duke. All the big stuff is done. Let's just rest for a little bit."

"It's really hard to say no to you guys." Duke grumbled.

She turned her head to press a kiss to his arm. "Then don't."

"Okay, fine. Half an hour."

They cuddled tight together under the new blanket, and Mara slipped into Nathan's dream, since he was the first to fall asleep. They lay together, dreaming as the snow fell outside, and Audrey's happiness washed over Mara as they fell asleep with the men they loved.


	50. Raindrops Taste Like Tears Without the Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no copyright. Song for this chapter is Another Rainy Night Without You by Queensryche.
> 
> "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas", written by Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane, 1944

 

* * *

Their first family Christmas was, like the rest of their lives... unusual.

Six humans, a Godling, four Omni's, an Aetherling and the 3 unique children. Gloria, Charlotte, Dwight, Dave, Vince, Jacob, Mara and Audrey, Nathan, Duke, Duo, Alec, Ren, Aaron and Lizzy all crowded around the living room of the _Rouge_ , laughing and drinking eggnog, listening to the Christmas music Duke had playing. Echo ran around with the kids, taking turns chasing and being chased.

For Mara, it was so bizarre it bordered on unreal. Past, present and future all gathered together in their home, eating the lovely buffet Duke had made.

_'Can you believe how much our lives have changed?'_

_'Mara, I honestly still think I'm dreaming half the time. Nothing seems real. We have all this family, we have each other. When I first started hearing you, hell, from the first time I met you, this is not where I ever expected us to be.'_

_'I keep watching Alec, he's so astounded. Sometimes I wish I could see the world the way he does, with innocent eyes. It must be amazing.'_

_'I can't wait to watch him and Lizzy open presents.'_

Nathan kissed the side of their head. "How are you two?"

Audrey smiled back, rubbing his knuckles. "We're happy. Just reflecting on how much has changed."

Duke grinned, wrapping his arm over her shoulder so he could tickle Nathan's neck. "You're not exaggerating. We've got kids and friends. We can fix people. Nate lets me touch him in public. It's pretty awesome."

Nathan reached over and flicked Duke's ear before squeezing the back of his neck. "I let you touch me in public all the time. Just not all the same parts."

Duke snorted. "Almost all the good parts are on the 'restricted' list. So maybe I wanna grab your ass when we're out. Audrey and Mara never complain."

"It doesn't make them jump like a crazy person, either."

"You know that's half the fun, Nate."

They started to play-fight, the girls stuck in the middle, and Audrey said, "Knock it off or I'm not sitting between you anymore. I swear, Alec is better behaved than you two and he's a child!"

They stopped fighting and Duke leaned in to whisper in her ear. "I'm not a child. And I could think of way better places to focus our energy." His fingers traced softly up her thigh, and she smacked his hand, hissing, "Not with an audience!"

"Why, you afraid they'll get jealous? They _should_ be jealous."

"You're a bad man, Crocker."

"One of my many charms. You still feeling okay from earlier? I'm afraid of setting your recovery back."

Mara's voice answered. "Actually, we're kind of horny. I wouldn't mind stepping away from the festivities for a few minutes." Her grin was wicked, and she squeezed both men's thighs. She was just reaching to kiss Duke when the song changed.

So innocuous. 'Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas'. But oh, Mara despised that song. She pulled back, her spine ramrod straight as she stood, rushing to the bedroom to just escape, to make the sound go away. Duke was two seconds behind her, Nathan right behind him. Nathan locked the door behind him, seeing Mara in the corner, arms wrapped around herself. He exchanged a look with Duke, approaching her slowly. "Mara, what is it? What's wrong?"

She could feel the snow increasing outside and she tried to get control. "That _song_. It was there in the Sarah times, in the Lucy times, always, always, and it's not _fair_. The fates don't allow if we'll all be together! We have to fight for that! We have to fight all the fucking time, and we always lose, because you can't trust fate! Fate doesn't keep you safe, it doesn't make people love you or save you!"

For once, Nathan understood first, closing the gap to wrap his arms around her, murmuring into her hair. "You're right, it's not fair. Some days it feels like we can't get ahead. It's scary. But stop and think, look around yourself. You're not alone, you've got me and Duke and Audrey, and we have those amazing kids."

Duke had stepped close, a hand on each of their backs. "And all those people out there, they've got their issues, but we could do worse." He nuzzled her ear, making her laugh softly before he continued.

"You're right, we don't rely on fate. That would make us lazy and complacent. We know, we understand that because we're _still here_. Despite everything we've had to deal with, we're here and we're stronger than we were before. Something you've gotta learn about being a Crocker, we're stubborn."

"Pigheaded." Nathan amended.

"Almost as mulish as Wuornos." Duke sniped back.

Mara shook her head. "Knock it off, you guys. I get it, I get it. I just- sometimes I get these weird things that trigger me, and I go into 'fight-or-flight' mode. Being with Audrey, it's not my first instinct to fight all the time. So I run. That and I don't like to let other people see it."

Nathan tilted his head. "See what, Mara?"

She looked down, narrowing her eyes at her feet. "The things that make me weak. Once a person knows your soft spot, they can always hurt you. And they _do_. They always do."

"Not everyone." Duke's tone was fierce and he wrapped his hand around the back of her neck. "Not when we're together. You know this. Hell, you're what made this possible. How do you still not see that?"

"Wasn't me, it was Ren."

"And what made Ren possible, Mara?"

"Unprotected sex." She answered immediately and decisively, and both Duke and Nathan snorted with laughter.

"Yeah, well, there's that too, but I was thinking _you_. If I hadn't been with you, we never would have made Ren, and none of the rest of this would be possible." Duke swatted her on the ass.

She looked very thoughtful for a moment. "So, you're saying having a lot of unprotected sex fixes everything?"

He shrugged. "It's worth a try. We should do it a _lot_ though, just to be extra safe."

They all laughed together and Mara's muscles relaxed. "I'm fine. I'm good. Still hate that song, but I'm good."

Nathan gave her another searching look. "You're still anxious around your mother, aren't you?"

Mara stretched her neck. "500 years of one feeling doesn't go away overnight. I forgive her, but yes. My first instinct is to fear her. I'm controlling it. I know she was trying to help people, I do. I wish she'd listened to me, but I understand her reasoning. I hate that Daddy left me to hang, but it's over and done with. I've washed my hands of him. I pray that James is happy there, that maybe he can bring some good to that place, but my father... no, I'm done. My family consists of the people on this boat. Nothing else matters."

Duke grinned. "You're sexy when you're confident. Makes me want to get you pregnant again."

"No way, next one is mine, Duke." Nathan objected as Mara rolled her eyes.

"As the owners of the uterus in question, Audrey and I declare there will be no calling 'dibs' on our reproductive system, and that we're not even thinking of planning another baby until Ren is done nursing."

Duke's smile turned devious. "That goes against your 'lots of unprotected sex' policy. I'm looking out for our safety, here."

Mara and Audrey considered with narrow eyes. "Fine. Spontaneous. We'll leave it up to the gods. But still no calling 'dibs'."

They all relaxed, laughing, and they each kissed each other for a moment before rejoining their guests.

* * *

The next few weeks passed in blissful peace, something they just weren't used to in large doses. Jacob spent about a quarter of his time staying with them, the rest with Dwight, Charlotte and Lizzy. Nathan and Duke were enjoying watching his acclimation to modern life, so much that it was like a reality-TV addiction. One of them, and they never would say who, started calling it 'Doctor Hendrickson' and every time they referred to Jacob as a Time Lord, he looked confused, irritated and slightly concerned, as though afraid they'd suffered some kind of head trauma.

Honestly, they tended to get that look from a lot of people.

None of them were sure how long it would take William to heal, but Mara always warded herself with Aether at bedtime just in case she fell asleep first. The first three weeks after the incident, they left the _Rouge_ often; taking walks, shopping and just enjoying freedom. The people in town fawned over Alec and Ren everywhere they went. In some ways, it almost felt like when Mara had first come to Haven. They were welcomed everywhere, and people came to them often to ask for help. They didn't even get much small-town head spinning about being in a polyamorous relationship. They'd helped too many of these people, nobody felt like judging them, though Mara and Audrey did catch a lot of disgruntled looks. Like it was their fault they'd managed to catch the two best men in town.

Someone- and they were certain they knew who, though Vince and Dave insistently denied their involvement- had started make Maze stickers, and they were appearing on all the local businesses. A 2x2 inch square, it decorated the bottom right of every store window; a sign that the Gifted and Troubled were both welcome. They had cured and repaired so many people that Troubles were no longer the town's worst-kept secret.

That honor had passed to Vince and Dave. Vince was rapidly approaching the 'serious' stage of his relationship with Alexis, and times had changed so much since he and Dave had been young men, they were suffering their own brand of culture-shock. One memorable day Audrey received a 911 text from Dave and rushed the kids to the Herald. They had run in, one man carrying each child, to see the men sitting peacefully at their desks- Dave had just gleefully pointed at Vince, who apparently hadn't noticed the huge hickey on his neck.

Duke was so busy taking pictures that they hadn't even bothered reminding Dave what a real emergency was.

Dave was playing the field a little more, trying out several dates, unable or unwilling to seek second dates. They weren't sure if he was just looking for the right person or if he was so used to holding out for them that he didn't know how to be with anyone else. As hard as it was to watch, Mara still wanted him to find happiness with someone.

Nathan, Audrey, Duke and Mara had their first New Years together, and yeah, maybe they were only awake for the midnight kiss because Ren was up for a feeding, but they had a newborn and a six year old, they were allowed to go to bed early sometimes.

And they were _already_ arguing about Valentines Day.

Mara was insistent that it was a 'fakey, made-up corporate holiday' and wanted absolutely no part in it.

"No, I'm serious. It's insane. You don't take one day in a year to show your partner that you're in love with them, then treat them like an old sweater the other 364 days of the year. We don't do that. We find ways to show how much we love each other every single day, in a thousand different ways."

They were on the deck of the _Rouge_ , sitting together to enjoy the small amount of reasonable weather they were allowed in the winter. Mara was nursing a beer, her white tank top almost glowing in the sun, her smile gentle and teasing and dark sunglasses hiding her eyes; paying attention to the men while she tracked Alec's every move. Nathan cradled Ren against him, his grey t-shirt bunched in her small fist, kissing the baby every few minutes and looking insanely adorable. Duke faced them both, his hair flopping in his eyes as he stared at Alec, constantly alert even when he looked relaxed. He was wearing her favorite denim button-up with the sleeves rolled in just that 3/4 way she loved.

"It's romantic!" Nathan defended. "We start new holidays all the time. Mother's Day wasn't a holiday until the fifties, I think. We still honor it. Us included, no argument. Mother's Day and Father's day have got to be celebrated by this family." Nathan pointed around at them as if daring them to argue.

They didn't.

"This isn't about Father's Day," Audrey reminded them. "It's about Valentine's Day. Technically, you're both right. It's a fakey, made-up corporate holiday generated to sell candy and cards, but it's not without merit. A little reminder at least once a year that we need to be grateful for what we have is a start. We should remember every day, but we don't. So why not do it whenever we're encouraged to?"

They had gotten used to switching over control and they had been starting to use that more in group discussions. Mara answered Audrey aloud. "You only say that because your memories are of getting the most Valentines of anyone in your fifth grade class."

Audrey didn't bother denying the claim. "That just proves that it's nice to be appreciated."

Duke raised his hand to silence them all. He turned to face Audrey and Mara directly, his face completely serious. "Mara, let me ask you something. Other than money, what is Valentine's Day supposedly about?"

She sighed, crossing her arms under her breasts. "Other than the commercial stuff? They say it's about love and romance, I guess."

His voice went deep and soft, that sincere, serious tone he so rarely pulled out. "Mara, Valentine's Day is about _sex_. Yeah, love is mentioned, but it's an adjunct. That's why you get people whining about having nobody to go out with on Valentine's day. People don't say , 'I don't have someone to be married to on Valentine's day', they say 'I don't have anyone to go out with on Valentine's day.' They're romanticizing the sex. Now think about that and tell me there's no space for Valentine's Day."

A whole holiday dedicated to sex? When he said it that way, she really couldn't complain. In fact, there should be _more_ holidays about sex. "Fine. We'll do Valentine's day."

Nathan gave Duke an incredulous look. "How'd you do that?"

"I have a way with languages, you know that." Duke smirked, and Nathan did that tiny smile that meant he was laughing uproariously on the inside.

Mara and Audrey spoke _their_ languages too.

* * *

After the resurrections, when she was mostly healed, Mara had finally gotten around to summoning an _actual_ Aetherling to talk to about their clone idea.

It was a Friday late in January. They knew that as Mara healed, William healed, and though he was injured worse than she was, they couldn't know exactly how long they could count on him being out of commission. They were already starting to get edgy about their time off the boat, and were preparing to go back into seclusion again.

Mara had temporarily blocked her connection with Duke just to make sure this Aetherling _stayed_ Aetherling, and as Mara hummed the music of _Form_ a pretty young woman with long brown hair settled into being. She was tiny, built like a dancer, and the girls absolutely _knew_ that Duke and Nathan were thinking about Summer Glau. The Aetherling smiled happily at Mara, squealing as she ran to hug Duo before bending a little to see Ren, curled up and sleeping in their arms.

"How can I help?"

"Please, sit down and make yourself comfortable. I'm Mara, Audrey is with me. That's Duke and that's Nathan, our husbands. This is our son Alec and daughter Ren. You obviously know Duo. I called you here to ask you a question."

"Duo explained about William. I was happy when we found out he can't interact with us anymore. He was terrible. If I can help you, I want to."

"Thank you for that. Right now, we're trying to see if there's a way to create a duplicate of me, just so he thinks he's got an idea of where I am or my habits. I won't lie, you'd be bait. But you know he can't touch you or hurt you. Otherwise I would never ask this. You're absolutely free to say no, and I promise we won't be offended."

The girl looked thoughtful, and stared at Duo for a long moment. "If I do a good job, is there any possibility you would make me lasting, like Duo? I mean, of course, I'll help however I can, I'm happy to. I was just curious."

Just the week before, they had surprised Duo, producing a packet of paperwork- birth certificate, social security card, driver's license and passport, all listing him as 'Duo Crocker Wuornos'. Mara and Audrey handed him the papers, Nathan on one side holding Alec, Duke on the other with Ren.

"I know you don't technically have a 'birthday', but we thought we'd give you one. So today, your naming day, is the date we put on your papers. January 23. We thought you'd rather be listed as 21 than 17. Happy birthday, Duo. Thank you for choosing to stay with us."

He had looked stunned, and when his eyes met theirs, they could clearly see what Jacob meant about Duo being more than an Aetherling. There were _tears_ in his eyes and he had to clear his throat before wrapping his arms around Audrey and Mara, whispering in their ear.

"Thank you. Why would you do this? You knew I was just happy to help."

"Because you're not just hired help, Duo. You're a member of this family, same as the rest of us. You matter as much as anyone, and you deserve the freedom that those silly papers give you. You've given us so much. It's not nearly enough to repay you, but it's what we can do. And we _want_ you to know how much we value you. How much we want and need you with us. How much we love you."

They'd felt his tears on their neck before he wiped his eyes and stood back, looking almost perfectly at ease except for the red around his eyes.

"This is great, guys. Now I can legally drink and gamble. You guys really get me."

And just like Duke, he hid his emotions with a joke and redirect, and they let him. They only cared that he knew how valued he was, and that message had gotten through.

Sitting with the female Aetherling, Audrey spoke to Mara.

_'I think she likes Duo.'_

_'Thank you, Detective. Can you blame her? Besides, if he likes her, it would be really nice for him to have someone like her around. It's hard being completely unique.'_

"Of course, if that's what you want. We want you to be happy. If you want to take some time and talk to Duo about it first, that's fine."

Duo came to sit next to the girl, holding his hand out to her. She took his fingers and smiled, the information flowing instantaneously between them as questions were asked and answered.

The girl looked up, smiling brightly. "I'd love to help. I'll look just like you?"

"Until the threat is passed, yes. Then you can look however you'd like. People on the street will call you Audrey or Detective Parker. Duo can teach you everything you need to know. Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"Of course. I want to help."

"Do you need help changing your form?"

Duo cut in smoothly- for him. "Ren's hungry anyway, I'll help her adjust and learn the lay of the land." He put his arm around her shoulders, leading her away.

And so Priya became another family member.

Priya started publicly replacing Audrey and Mara on February first, and though they had borrowed a wireless recorder from Dwight and Duo helped keep an eye on her, they worried constantly the first few days.

But everything had gone fine. So after the first week, Mara and Audrey started going out too, usually with Duo or Jacob for protection. They let themselves be seen, hoping they could lure William into revealing himself. On the seventh day, Stan, who had volunteered to help with the 'Parker Stalker' case called in to report he'd seen William following Priya.

They'd all been a little relieved.

Even when Audrey and Mara would go one place while Priya went another, William seemed intent on following Priya. Mara and Audrey avoided places like the _Gull_ , certain that as a grieving widow they'd be trying to avoid any more reminders than there already would be. That she would already be reminded of their absence with every breath she didn't hear. Sometimes that thought, the possibility that things could have ended so differently, kept them up at night and they lay in the dark listening to the sounds of _life_. From the occasional snore or muttered sleep-talking to the tiny sounds the baby made just before she woke up to nurse, Audrey and Mara cherished every sound.

But Stan continued to report on seeing William every time Priya went anywhere, and that gave them a small sense of security they desperately wanted. Once Mara had caved on Valentine's Day, the argument morphed into if they should go out or stay in. Mara thought that six weeks was enough time for William to be healed enough to be dangerous. Jacob felt certain that he'd broken enough of William's bones that he would still be weak, that it was safe enough, as long as they went somewhere they didn't usually frequent.

They settled on The Rope Loft again, the only decent restaurant beside the _Gull_. Priya and Duo went to the park, taking a long walk around the marina where they'd be easy to spot. They got texts from Stan every few minutes letting him know that he still had eyes on William, and after about an hour, the girls started to relax, even having a mojito- though they admitted they liked Duke's better and Mara groused that she'd rather have bourbon.

Alec, Ren, Aaron and Lizzy were safe on the boat with Dave, Gloria and Jacob watching them. Despite the appearance of an age gap, Gloria and Jacob really had hit it off well, and Audrey and Mara were already thinking of ways to alter her to make her young again. The girls had wanted Charlotte and Dwight to have some date time, too.

And maybe the girls had gone a little overboard when they were getting ready- When they put their hair up, they put a long, filed hair clip that could be used as a knife in an emergency. They wore the thigh holster, a knife hidden in the belt around their dress, another in their boot, one pouch of Aether in a pocket and one tucked into their bra. Both men had two guns.

But, such was life in Haven.

They'd actually swept and cleared the restaurant when they came in, just to make sure William wasn't lurking, and Duke and Nathan were each sitting facing a door. Mara was actually a little cranky about the whole thing.

_'It feels more like a SWAT mission than a date. Seriously, this is what we're reduced to? Clearing places before we'll eat in them?'_

_'It's just a precaution, it's a safety thing.'_

_'I know what it is, I just don't like it. We should just have Stan take a shot at the son of a bitch when he's watching him!'_

_'As much as I agree, we're not allowed to use police snipers for private matters.'_

_'Don't need a sniper, I could take the shot with the right rifle.'_

_'The court doesn't count it as self defense if you're a hundred yards away, Mara! I don't want to go to jail. Not for him.'_

_'We wouldn't go to jail unless we got caught. And you have Multiple Personality Disorder, they'd put us in the Freddie.'_

_'Still no. I have terrible luck there.'_

_'It's a mental institution, everyone has bad luck there.'_

Duke grinned at them. "No fair talking among yourselves. Share with the group, ladies."

Mara rolled her eyes. "I was thinking how stupid it is that we have to do all this security, and wishing we could just have Stan shoot him while he's watching him, and Cop Barbie is telling me it's misappropriation of police resources."

Nathan was having crepes- Duke had barely talked him out of pancakes, reminding him that Mara made better pancakes anyway- and he nodded. "Technically she's right. But forms get filled in wrong all the time. I think in this case, I have to side with Mara."

She smirked and raised her glass to him. "It's really sexy when you're the bad boy, Nathan."

He blushed, but his hand found her leg under the table, squeezing. "I guess you two bring out the best _and_ worst in me."

"And we love them both. You two are the best thing that's ever happened to us."

He smiled happily and Mara shook off a chill, glancing around carefully. Nothing looked off, and nobody new had come in. She checked her phone- Stan had just reported seeing William across town following Priya and Duo.

All this caution was making her edgy.

Duke signaled the waiter, ordering her a bourbon neat. "That should help relax you. And I hate to be the reasonable one, but I don't want a sniper. I want to kill him myself. More personal."

Mara gratefully took the drink when the waiter returned, taking a deep swallow. "You make justice sound sexy."

"Excuse me, I make _everything_ sound sexy."

They laughed, and Mara finally let Audrey relax her, eating the bacon-wrapped scallops they'd agreed on. They had a point. They couldn't just stay prisoners on the _Rouge_ until they found a good time to take William out. They couldn't just let him win. The kids were safe, he didn't know about them, and that's all that mattered. The adults could take care of themselves.

As their dessert was served, Mara and Audrey studied their men. Nathan wore a suit without a tie, top button opened, and honestly, when they looked too long they started to drool. He was painfully beautiful when he was happy and relaxed, with the people he loved- people he trusted and knew loved him back, flaws and all.

Duke had let the girls tie his hair back in a leather strap, his black slacks and button-up making his eyes shine, and he had the sleeves just partially rolled, and Mara knew he'd done that for her. The only thing better than looking back and forth was watching as their heads bent together when they spoke, each touching the other's arms, shoulders or necks, their fingers lingering too long. Their wedding rings only made them look more beautiful.

Maybe Mara had been wrong about Valentine's Day.

They toasted to their first married Valentine's Day and Audrey and Mara savored the chocolate lava cake they had ordered, the bourbon making the chocolate feel even more decadent. They were planning how to celebrate the _sex_ part of the holiday that Mara had been promised. Technically, their escapades that morning counted, but a whole holiday dedicated to sex required more than one tumble.

Even if it had been a fucking _magical_ tumble.

Swallowing the last of the bourbon, the girls leaned over to kiss Duke, who groaned and promised to feed them chocolate and bourbon more often. They kissed Nathan, groaning themselves when he trailed his long fingers up their arm.

"If you gentlemen will excuse us, we need to freshen up."

Duke looked serious. "You want one of us to come with?"

Mara gripped his shoulder. "We cleared the entire place when we came in, Stan just texted me that he's still watching Priya and Duo, and we're armed. We should be fine. You guys said yourselves, we can't let him make us prisoners, right?"

"Yeah, you're right. Just hurry back, huh?"

"Alright, alright. Try not to give the patrons too much of show without me. You two look amazing." They'd already had Dwight take pictures of them together, and one was now the background for her phone. They blew their men a kiss and headed for the bathroom, tiny clutch hanging from their wrist.

They cleared the bathroom, gun in hand before they went in, emptying their bladder, washing their hands and fixing their hair. Gun back in it's holster, they exited the bathroom. The small hallway was empty, but they distinctly felt the cold outside air around their feet, and they spun to hurry back to their table and the safety of their husbands.

But when they turned, there was a man in the way and they froze for just a moment as they took in the golden hair, stormy eyes and beautiful smile.

A moment too long.

"Hey baby. Miss me?"

There was the jarring feel of something hitting the side of their face, then darkness.


	51. Darkening of the Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is 'Darkening of the Light' by Concrete Blonde

Duke and Nathan were relaxing, legs touching as they waited for Audrey and Mara to get back from the bathroom. It hadn't even been two minutes but Duke already felt jumpy. They'd obviously been holed up in the boat too long. He felt a momentary thrill of fear, and blinding pain in his face and he cursed loudly.

At the exact same time Nathan did.

They looked at each other for the shortest moment and ran for the bathrooms, both already drawing their weapons. They had both cleared this area when they'd come in, but neither had noticed the door behind the heavy tapestry, the doorway that was now swinging open, frigid night air rushing in as they burst through the doorway just in time to see an old yellow Buick, the blocky kind that looked more like boat than car, speeding away. Nathan ran back to check the restrooms but Duke knew, he could feel it in his gut.

The center of their universe was moving rapidly away from them in that damned Buick.

The sound he made was more of a roar than a cry, and his eyes flashed silver and stayed that way in anticipation of a war he hadn't been expecting just yet. In denial that they had somehow screwed up and let William get his hands on their girls.

He stumbled under the weight of the utter, vile despair that made Duke feel like he was choking to death, like he had single-handedly destroyed their family.

A moment later, Nathan was there hugging him, his phone pressed to his ear as he called for backup, to beg for help, and to tell their family that despite their assurances and certainty, that they had lost Audrey and Mara.

Nathan had never felt like such a failure in his life

But at least one thing had changed. A year ago they each would have retreated, hiding from the world and each other to wallow in self-pity. But their wives had taught them one thing above all else, and neither man would have wanted to disappoint their wives. So they held each other, each knowing how guilty and terrified the other felt as the police came, Dwight's suit buttoned crooked and Charlotte's makeup smudged. Duke almost bit Dave's head off when he volunteered to come down, too afraid for their kids to lose one of their protectors right now. Nathan and Duke knew- Mara and Audrey would want their children protected more than anything.

Dwight took lead, taking their statements. Stan had been taking pictures, but when they were blown up it only took a moment to realize that this wasn't William at all. This was a random stranger with a similar haircut.

Duke was red with rage. "What the fuck? All the pictures she drew, every different angle you could ask for, and the lead investigator on the case didn't fucking check the pictures against the guy following? We bet their lives on Stan! We trusted him! Every text, every reassurance was crap! It was saying some stranger probably got a couple hundred bucks from the _real_ William to follow Priya and Duo around!"

Duke spun furiously, punching a hole through the drywall in the back hallway of The Rope Loft. Nathan pulled him back, making sure nothing was broken in Duke's hand, but the man knew how to throw a punch. He was uninjured except for scraped knuckles.

"Look at me, Duke. We're going to find them. We have to think. She has to sleep sometime, you guys have been working on the dream thing constantly. If she falls asleep, can you get into her dreams?"

Duke stared at Nathan with wide eyes. "You're telling me to think like Mara."

Nathan nodded. "And I'll think like Audrey. Together, we'll find them."

Clinging to each other, holding each other up, Nathan and Duke turned for the Bronco, and Dwight drove them, Charlotte following in the car they'd been driving. Back to the _Rouge_ , back home to two children who needed their mothers.

But all they could do was cry.

* * *

When they woke, they kept very still, using their other senses to try and orient themselves. If they weren't alone, they couldn't risk letting him know they were awake.

 _'Dry and dusty.'_ Mara muttered.

' _Quiet, too. Why does it hurt so much?'_

_'He hit us with something on the left side of the face to knock us out. I feel a zip tie on our left wrist, but the right feels unrestrained. I know this feeling, so do you. We're tied to a chair.'_

William had them, they weren't being carried and they weren't in a car. They were tied in a secure location.

That meant Duke and Nathan hadn't been able to prevent it. That was very, very bad.

Feeling Audrey's horrified despair, Mara tried to be optimistic for them.

_'At least we know the kids are safe at home and if he actually got us away, the guys are not hurt.'_

_'How do you know?'_ Audrey sounded desperate for reassurance and Mara tried to feel strong for them. She could feel Audrey flashing back to her time as Arla's captive.

Mara's voice was calm and certain, yet cold and dark. _'If he had faced them, William would be dead. Now, from what I can sense we're inland enough for someone to have a basement this dry. Somewhere you can smell crops and livestock, not grass. A farm or ranch in the upper elevation. Remote enough to leave us ungagged."_

_'That narrows it down to about... twelve places?'_

_'I guess so. This place smells familiar to me though. It smells and feels like the Huffaker basement. He must have done his research.'_

_"This is where you were held prisoner by the Guard guy?'_

_'I believe so. I've got a good memory, especially for this kind of thing. We need to buy time, think of a plan.'_

_'Right. So what do we do? I can't tell if he took our gun.'_

_'I guess the Hypersensitivity can come in handy after all. Gun is gone. So is the holster. Our hair is down. No shoes, so one knife is gone. I can't tell about the belt, but he probably took that, too. We have no weapons. We have to think broader.'_

_'Is the pouch of orbs gone?'_

_'That's the real question, isn't it?'_

Mara let her senses range, searching for her old friend when another sensation hit her; someone had entered the house. One set of footsteps, the sound of plastic, the shuffle of cardboard, and oddly, the smell of roses.

Then the sound of one set of lungs whistling, "Here Comes the Bride".

She didn't move or open her eyes even when the steps entered the room. She didn't flinch when they stopped inches from where she was seated. She had to pretend she was unconscious, she had to buy time.

The sound of a wooden chair dragged against the uneven floor, and she could feel him sit right in front of her. There were too many alternatives, his mind too chaotic for her to read the Paths of Possibility. Her best bet for now was to hope he would let her sleep off the blow to the head and what felt like an injection of tranquilizer to her right arm.

Maybe when they got out of this she'd send her father a thank-you note. The Hypersensitivity may be more of a blessing than she'd ever anticipated.

William stood, there was a faint scratching click and when the glow of fire shone through their eyelids it was a struggle to stay still and limp. It hadn't been brought up, had never been an issue, but the fact was that _Mara hated being burned._ But she held still as the smell of burning wick drawing up wax wafted through the room.

He was lighting candles.

Audrey kept Mara calm when the panic threatened to overwhelm her. If something happened, it wouldn't just be a distant dream for Audrey. This was physical, tangible.

_'Oh gods, I'm so sorry, Audrey. You should be home with the boys and the kids. You should have let me go. He warned me, Audrey. He said we were a universal constant. But the bond broke, killing me won't kill him. I don't know how to protect you! I can keep you from feeling, but if he damages the body, I can't fix it. And you'll have to be like me, knowing that he touched your body.'_

_'Mara, calm down. I'm strong, you know that. You and me together, we're fucking unstoppable, do you hear me? This little prick is not going to ruin everything, not when it's all settling in. Duke and Nathan will be looking, the whole town will be looking. They won't leave us. They save us or we save ourselves, but we are not going down at his hands.'_

_'Ren will be hungry. I never got to say goodbye to James.'_

_'There's enough pumped milk in the fridge and freezer to feed ten babies for a month. You know that. And you don't have to say goodbye to anybody, Mara. Nobody but William. Because we're going to get free and kill him or the guys will kill him. William just set the countdown on his own death. And when we get out of this, because we will, maybe you'll decide that you can forgive your father.'_

_'The Saint Valentine's Massacre redux?'_

_'That's the Mara I know and love.'_

For a moment it felt like they were just sitting together, choosing to talk to each other, that their bond was much, much deeper than forced existence,that even without the literal need to lean on each other, they still would. It felt like a kiss, a caress, and they were both stunned, overcome with the realization that they themselves were a couple too. They were not the same person, they were two women who were lucky enough to have each other's backs.

_For my lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part._

Amen.

Two on one and knew and they understood each other better than they understood themselves.

Mara realized that she had someone else she could trust completely, and Audrey realized she'd always had one, that when she was in trouble she went to a specific part of her mind to calm down.

They finally realized that they loved each other, not just their men. They met in the middle, naked and unafraid, because together they were better. Together they were _whole_.

Were they in trouble?

Yes, absolutely.

But were they strong enough to face this adversary?

Oh, hell yes.

_We have to face him sometime, Mara._

_'Audrey, this isn't a Trouble call. We need a plan. At least two plans, more is better.'_

_'What if we told him that Charlotte succeeded, that you'd been mixed into me?'_

_'Problem with your logic, Detective. I signed the note at the crime scene_.'

_'Right. But what if you were a part that was only accessible sometimes, like most people with multiple personality disorder?'_

Mara took time to consider it. ' _He'd_ _try to find a way to trigger me from you.'_

_'Well that would buy us time!'_

_'He would try to use the Hypersensitivity to trigger me, Audrey.'_

_'So we get to watch him slap himself around for an hour? I'd kind of like to see that.'_

_'This isn't a cartoon, Audrey. He has us right here, with nothing to get in the way or draw attention. He wouldn't bother hurting himself.'_

_'Oh. Right.'_

_'There's a chance he could believe we were falling for him.'_ The idea made her gut churn, but she'd faked plenty of other things in her long life. She could make him think she loved him.

Probably.

Maybe.

_'Mara?'_

_'Yeah, still here.'_ The eye-roll was entirely mental, but still perfectly clear.

_'How do you feel about re-using an old plan?'_

_'Depends on which old plan. One that worked, maybe.'_

_'It worked. Kind of. On some people.'_

_'Oh Audrey, you're not serious.'_

_'He doesn't know us as well as Duke does!'_

_'But Duke couldn't leave you alone with Nathan for five minutes, Nathan gave you that puppy look one time and you caved.'_

_'Well, William doesn't have that kind of hold on me. Or you. Because let's not lie, you were just as anxious to talk to Nathan as I was.'_

_'No comment. But how would we get amnesia? Who would we revert back to? It's not like the Barn is around to re-write us.'_

_'But he doesn't know we're both here. Maybe if we pretend to be just one of us, it will give us time to think of something else.'_

_'You mean me. I have to face him as myself. Give you time to think.'_

_'Well, it's one way he wouldn't hurt you to bring you up.'_

Oh, this was awful. Untenable. Disgusting. But Audrey was right, they couldn't just pretend to be unconscious forever.

 _'Fine. But if he_ _breaks our face, I am not being held responsible.'_

Planning out every movement, Mara breathed a little faster, a little louder. A low moan that she didn't really have to fake fell from her lips- her face and head hurt terribly. Her eyelids fluttered and she blinked against the candlelight.

"There you are. Sleeping Beauty awakens."

Her free hand went to her head, shielding her eyes. "William? Oh gods, my head hurts. Am I dreaming?"

"In the flesh, baby."

"William!" She moved as if to hug him, looking perplexed when her body remained bound to the chair. "William, what's going on? Why am I tied up? Help me, get me out of here!"

Her hand reached for him and he took it, but made no motion to remove the restraints.

"We're safe here. No rush. After your little stunts lately, you can probably guess why I don't want to let you loose."

Mara had been so honest the last few months, but she'd been a brilliant liar before that and she hadn't lost a step. She swallowed back the nausea and squeezed William's hand, gazing at him with the old mix of trust and adoration that she'd had for him before he'd betrayed her.

"You have to know how scared I was, alone here with these people, only seeing your face in dreams- and I never knew what dreams were real or if Daddy was trying to trick me. Even Momma is here, someone is always watching me."

"And the Mara-lite that's been running around? How'd she come to be?"

"They forced me, William. I was never left alone and when Audrey told them about the Hypersensitivity, they always knew how to force me- I tried to fight, I tried to get to you. I even shot Nathan when I was trying to get to you, but every Thinny was locked. I did what I had to to get Aether, but even with that, I was always outnumbered. You never came to me in person, only in dreams."

She pulled his hand up to kiss his knuckles and didn't flinch when he cupped her cheek.

"You're as beautiful as the day I met you. Oh! I got you something!" William was cheerful and enthusiastic, and Mara was worried. Certainly things wouldn't be this easy. He bounded to a table set by the wall, bringing back roses and the source of the cardboard smell- a box of chocolates. "Happy Valentine's Day, baby."

It was so obscene- the dozens of candles around the old basement, the flowers and candy- she didn't have to try to bring the tears to her eyes.

"You remembered. They're beautiful. We've never had a holiday together."

"Well, to the first of many." He leaned in to kiss her cheek and it was only Audrey who kept them from jerking back. He leaned closer, sniffing her hair and rubbing it between his fingers. "I'm glad your hair is getting longer again. No offense to Audrey, of course, but I prefer the way you looked the day we married."

Of course he did. Young and stupid and trusting. Or afraid, He seemed to like them almost equally.

"William, have you found a way to separate Audrey from me? Sometimes she gets control and it's like the Barn all over again, like I'm trapped and nobody can hear or see me. If we could just be separate, really parted, not the mess Crocker made of ripping us apart or the awful 'joining' Momma did, we could just go. They wouldn't come after me."

_'Mara, I'm not an idiot. I see what you're doing. Stop.'_

_'At least one mother could go back to the kids, Audrey. I'll work with whatever I can get,'_

William set the candy on her lap, the roses back on the table, silent until he retook his seat in front of her. When she set her hand down, she let it brush her waist as she rested it on the box of candy. No belt. Damn it.

"Yeah, that's not really something I've been working on. I've been more curious about why the Troubles aren't responding to me now. I can't even make an Aetherling anymore, and I know you have the ability to fix that. Why don't you tell me how you broke the bond, Mara? Not that I'm not enjoying the show, this is great. I'm a little curious how far you'd take it. I thought about testing it out, but I'm just not as patient as I used to be, and I don't need you to give me what I can take anytime I want it. And I will. Just not right now. Go on, spill."

Damn it. Called on their very first bluff. William had gotten smarter.

"You first. How did you know where to find me?"

"Oh, come on, ask me a hard one. You can do better than this. I'd been following you when you went into hiding, I assumed to cry for your poor dead humans. But I kept trying, I was patient. Eventually I saw you out again, always with someone. The little emo kid or the Hendrickson or one of those idiot Teagues brothers. When you made them unaging, at first I thought you'd just gone around the bend. Then I realized you were trying to re-create your little seaside Haven from before the Barn.

"I saved you from the Barn because I believed in you, I had faith that you were worth helping. That inside you were the same old Mara that I fell in love with. And you know, for awhile, you were. You came off all tough bluster, but you were still the same scared little girl. But time went on and you got less afraid. Too comfy in the little 'life' you'd made yourself. But you're only fooling yourself. If anyone is looking, they're looking for Audrey." He leaned in close, staring at her eyes. "You hear me, Parker? You do, don't you? If you'd just listened to me in the first place, we could have been spared all this _drama_."

They wanted to curse at him, to release the anger that was being driven by their fear, but Mara held them back. "She can't talk to you while I'm in control. You want to spare the drama? Help me find a way to give her her own body."

"See, here's what I don't get." William continued as if Mara hadn't spoken, "How's it work? Dudley Do-Right and the Wannabe Pirate, how can you have a physical relationship with them? Why doesn't the Hypersensitivity hinder that?"

"I just _told_ you, only one person can be in charge of the body at a time. Their relationship is with her, I'm just along for the ride. You said it yourself, William. They were making the best of a bad situation. Audrey doesn't have sensitivity issues."

"See, a few weeks ago I might have bought that. But while I was stripping your impressive array of weaponry I couldn't help but notice the tattoo on your arm. On the _inside_ of your arm, the most sensitive part. Audrey the Badge doesn't strike me as the kind of person who'd get ink."

"She's a little more multi-layered than you're giving her credit for. She's surprised me before, too."

The slap came from nowhere, against her already hurting left side, jerking her neck to the right.

"Don't _lie_ to me. Tattoos done with ink leave a ridge on each line. That design on your arm is made of Aether."

That long-ago warning from her father about never leaving anything in writing echoed through her ringing skull.

_'Well, score one for Daddy.'_

_'Are you alright?'_ Audrey's voice was panicked, like she wanted to check Mara over for injuries.

_'I'm fine. Save the concern for when he does something really bad.'_

_'I'm going to enjoy watching him die.'_

_'I love you, too. Do me a favor, start thinking of ways out of here. Try to think like Nathan. I'll try to think like Duke. We're getting someone home to the kids.'_

Mara's eyes narrowed. "On Valentine's Day? Really? You give me flowers and then hit me?"

William stretched his back. "Sorry. You know I don't like it when you lie to me."

"You don't like when I lie to you, you don't like when I tell you the truth! I made the picture, yes. I never said I didn't! Did you not consider that doing it with Aether was the least painful option for me? What more do you want? You _slit their throats_ and stabbed me in the belly, William! You took my baby- _again_. That isn't love, that's control. Certainly by now you've had time to think about what I said, about Alec being your son. Why not just try to talk to me, William? Ever? You were my only friend, I loved you. Why the hell did you choose to tear apart my family and hurt me? If you wanted me, why not just _ask_ me to marry you?"

She laughed quietly through the tears in her throat. "I probably would have, then. You were so kind and gentle. I trusted you more than anyone. But in the end you just didn't love me. You wanted to use Aether. Gods, I was even trying to think of a way to give you what you wanted!

"You knew how to touch me without hurting me, you knew. But you turned Daddy in and when I tried to run, instead of even just offering to join me, you _hurt_ me. You knew how hard I'd worked to avoid contact with people, you knew how my disorder worked and you chose to hurt me. I want to know why."

His face was hard, and Mara wondered, truly wondered, what drove William. What had made him the monster he was. Once, he must have been a beautiful little boy like Alec. Sweet and innocent. Part of her heart, a part she tried to turn away from, imagined the innocent boy he'd been, what kind of horrors would have made him into the monster that haunted her now.

Could someone have hurt him like he had hurt her? Was he just jealous of the fact that she had a good family, parents who loved her? What had made this beautiful, golden boy with the disarming smile become her worst nightmare?

Without her intention, she reached her free hand to him, wanting to touch, just to see if she could feel the monster in him. Mara herself had done some terrible things just to spread the pain that was suffocating her. She had threatened to kill Audrey, to kill all of them- and though that had just been noise to frighten off the people who were tormenting her, they hadn't known that.

Was there any good left in William, any hint of a hurting boy hidden in this large man?

He watched her hand touch his arm, still as stone as her fingers ran over him. Skin and hair over bone and blood, just the same as any other man.

"William, what made you so unhappy?"

His mouth opened and he started to speak, and Mara held her breath, listening.

"It was _never_ about something as simple as _love_. You had something I wanted. I've seen what you can do, the devastation you can wreak with a single touch. I wanted that, and so I made you mine. You will always be mine." His hand flipped and grabbed her wrist, fingers digging into her bones painfully. "You're not _clean and innocent_ , Mara. You're tainted, poisonous- a freak even among our own people. You came to this world to _hide_. You should have been thinking about being the most powerful person here. You'd be their god.

"For a little while, I was interested, because that- that showed promise, maybe a little killer instinct, but when I got here all you'd been doing was taking care of the humans like pets. Wasting your ability. Ability that you were just _handed_ , while I had to fucking fight for every scrap."

He stood and let go of her wrist to pace around the room, and Mara could feel his rage, growing and spreading like fire.

"Yeah, I had time to think about it, to do the math. To see that the kid was mine. Was he gifted, Mara? Could he use Aether?"

"Yes. Very gifted. Aether loved him."

"But you were _coddling_ him, teaching him about medicinal plants and playing games when you should have been training him! You should have been making him a son I could be proud of, not a sniveling brat crying for his worthless mother! If you had, he'd have been able to stop me by using Aether! _You_ killed my son by treating him like a precious, spoiled human."

She was stunned silent for a moment before she managed to say, "You murdered him, and you're blaming me because what, he didn't kill you first?"

"Life's funny, isn't it? I was to late to save him from you, Mara, but that doesn't mean it's too late for _everything_. I can save the power. You'll give it to me, and you'll do it right this time."

"I don't take orders, but I can listen to reasonable requests. The flowers and candy were a good start, but you really went off-track when you hit me. You have no bargaining chips, William. You already killed my family here. So what makes you think I'll do a damned thing for you?"

William smiled again, pushing his hands into his pockets as he came to sit in front of her.

"You know how I found you? How I always knew to follow you and not the Aetherling?" He leaned in closer, happy to reveal his secret.

"Because I didn't set that last dreamscape, Mara. _You did_. So you weren't avoiding places that reminded you of Crocker, you were seeking them out. Soon as I knew who to follow, it wasn't long til- to my utter astonishment, I see you meet with Crocker and Wuornos. Now _that_ is an impressive trick. Either you tricked me into thinking they were dead or you tricked me into thinking they were alive. Either, way, nicely played. But it was easy to hire someone who looks a little like me to run around following your little clone."

Dear gods, it was her worst fears realized. She had led him right to them.

But she would have to castigate herself later. Right now she had more important things to do. No matter what, she couldn't give him power. His inability to use Aether was all that kept the _Rouge_ , and the children, safe. She only had one job now.

To be strong and protect her family.

* * *

They all met on the _Rouge_ and the living room became the new command center. People Duke would have sworn could never, ever set foot inside his boat came in and out after he or Duo marked them, and Duke kept coffee on for everyone. All the children had been asleep when Duke and Nathan got home, and Priya stayed down below to keep an eye on them so Vince and Dave could join the efforts upstairs.

Nobody had to ask- by the time they got there Priya had already changed appearance, now a short, pretty brunette. Duke thought she looked a little like Jennifer with long hair, and that thought set the tears off again. Charlotte sat in a corner, crying hysterically, and though almost everyone had tried to calm her down, she could only cry that it was her fault, that she should have listened.

Duke and Nathan happened to agree with that sentiment, and they'd given up reassuring her after a token effort. Dwight had tried, but was busy trying to manage search and rescue efforts and had to give up eventually.

Dave and Vince hadn't bothered with her at all, occasionally throwing dark glowers her way.

Finally Gloria, who had never really liked Charlotte and still hadn't warmed to her after they found out who Charlotte really was, took a seat next to the sobbing doctor.

"You know, Cross, I never did like you."

"Gloria!" Dwight's head snapped up from where he was giving orders to a group of officers.

"Oh can it, Hendrickson. This doesn't concern you." She turned back to Charlotte. "No, I never did like you, even before I got to know Mara. But you can either moan and wail and beat your chest or you can put that not-human brain of yours to work. You can be a hindrance or a help. So now is the time to decide, Cross, you gonna be a hindrance, taking attention from where it needs to be, or will you help? You can help try to find them. If I thought it'd help get those girls back, I would slap the taste out of your mouth. Do I have to do that, or are you going to get your act together and help find my girls?

Charlotte sniffled and wiped her face, nodding. "Of course I'll help. I'm sorry. You're right. If I had just listened-"

"Yeah, if you'd just listened Mara wouldn't have been tortured for five hundred years. But Audrey wouldn't be here. As a mother, you screwed up something fierce. But I wouldn't trade Audrey, either. No sense moaning over what you can't change. I've tried. All we can do is work with what we have. Right now we have two missing daughters with a psychopath none of us knew as long as you did. Use your brain, Cross!"

Charlotte wiped her hands on her lap, nodding. "The trouble is, nobody really knew him well but Mara. He had no family in our town, we didn't know where he came from. The time he wasn't spending with Mara, as far as I know, he spent alone, studying."

Jacob came up, resting his hands on Gloria's shoulders and trying to rub away the tension. "But what was he studying? When he came here and killed me, he forced Mara to gift him the ability to use Aether."

Nathan pulled Duke over, sensing this was a better direction than their usual police resources. "Mara told us he was obsessed with the Aether."

"And he faked Charlotte's journal to cut Mara off from her. From the story, it sounded like it was so he could get her dad's journal. He wanted to be able to do what Mara could do." Duke was holding Nathan's hand and they sat together, leaning into each other.

Charlotte held her hands out, shaking her head. "But even I don't know how Mara became what she is now. When I did talk to him about it after the conviction, James said he didn't put the cure in his journal. Because of the Hypersensitivity it caused he decided it was too dangerous. Unless he told her how the cure was made, he's the only one who knows it."

Jacob's eyes narrowed and a small, angry smile crossed his lips. "Well then, I suggest someone go fetch James and bring him here. I've much I wanted to discuss with him anyway."

Duke pointed at Jacob and his eyes lit up. "Yes! That! Get him to help us. He obviously knows more about what William wants than we do. I mean, we know he wants power, and he thinks the Aether will give him that power... he's not exactly wrong, it worked pretty well so far... but when I stripped the Aether from his blood it broke the bond _and_ made it so he can't use Aether anymore." His eyes went distant and he looked at Nathan in horror. "He's going to try and make her re-gift him."

Silence fell over the ship like a shroud, even the other group of officers caught up in the sudden pressure that hung over the ship.

Nathan was staring back at Duke, and he looked sick and pained. "Last time he threatened Alec to make her cooperate. But the kids are safe here. But when he made her create the bond..." his voice trailed off and he and Duke were communicating without words.

Gloria didn't have this knowledge though, and she leaned forward, voice rising. "What? What did he do to make her create the bond?"

Duke's head hung and Nathan's eyes shone with tears, his jaw clenched as his fist did. Nathan's voice shook a little. "He hurt her. It's when she conceived Alec."

Gloria stormed to her feet, full of righteous fury. "Then someone get her father here, now! If I gotta do it myself, point me in the right direction and I'll drag his ass back. I'm not sitting back twiddling my thumbs when we have a bead on someone who can help!"

Charlotte stood, looking grim. "You can't navigate the Void. I'll go." She went to her purse, pulling out her ring and keys. "I can drive to the Thinny, get James and bring him back."

Duke stood in one smooth motion, putting a hand on the doctor's arm. "You said you were gonna do that once before. Maybe someone should go with you, make sure it happens this time."

Jacob nodded. "James has proved reluctant to help his daughter in the past. You may require assistance to ensure his cooperation. I would be happy to accompany you."

"Take my ring." Nathan pulled the ring from the chain around his neck, handing it to Jacob. "I'd offer to go but I can't just... I need to be here."

Jacob clapped a hand on Nathan's shoulder, putting the ring on his pinky. "I understand. There's no need for more than two of us anyway, and I knew James. We will bring him here, and we will find them."

Nathan was turning back to Duke when they both raised their hands to their faces, and Duke buried his face in his hands while Nathan ground out, "Hurry. He's hurting her."


	52. Paint it Black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Song for this chapter is "Spirit In The Sky" by Norman Greenbaum
> 
> Possible triggers for violence and consent issues.

 

* * *

After William had hit Mara ten or twelve times- she lost count from the pounding in her head- she looked up with a grin, blood dribbling from her mouth down onto her dress.

She kept smiling as she started to sing.

_"When I die and they lay me to rest_

_Gonna go to the place that's the best_

_When they lay me down to die_

_Goin' up to the spirit in the sky_

_Goin' up to the spirit in the sky_

_That's where I'm gonna go when I die_

_When I die and they lay me to rest_

_I'm gonna go to the place that's the best._

_Prepare yourself, you know it's a must_

_You gotta have a friend in Jesus_

_So you know that when you die_

_He's gonna recommend you to the spirit in the sky._

_Gonna recommend you to the spirit in the sky_

_That's where you're gonna go when you die._

_When you die, and they lay you to rest_

_You're gonna go to the place that's the best._

_I've be sinner, yes I've sinned_

_But I've got a friend in Jesus_

_So you know that when I die_

_He's gonna send me up to the spirit in the sky._

_Gonna send me up to the spirit in the sky_

_That's where I'm gonna go when I die_

_When I die and they lay me to rest_

_I'm gonna go to the place that's the best_

_Go to the place that's the best."_

William had stopped moving the moment she began to sing, staring at her like she was a coiled snake preparing to strike. She wasn't acting like he expected, and that made him very, very uncomfortable. She should be crying, screaming.

"What are you _doing_?"

"I'm singing. Did you hit your head?"

"Why are you singing?"

"Making a joyful noise unto the gods." She shrugged, ignoring the pain with Audrey's help. "It's Valentine's Day, William. Be a dear and get me a stiff drink or some morphine."

He backed off, watching her every movement. "Give me the gift, I'll think about it."

"Oh, that's not how it works. You want me to give you something that huge, you have to woo me. Hitting me just makes me cranky. Even if I give you the gift, you still have to learn to use it. You need to be taught. And then you're caught in a huge web of 'please' and 'thank you' and we both know that's not your strong suit. You should really start playing nice now."

"I have things to do. I'll give you some time to reconsider. But I'll be back, Mara. I will always be back."

"Sounds like a party. Have fun." Her words were calm, almost bored.

He took her free wrist and zip tied it to the chair, and she didn't fight.

But the moment the door closed behind him, Mara smiled.

* * *

When the sun came up behind the clouds, the Maze that had been hanging in the sky changed from the almost-invisible white it had been since it went up to pitch black, the figures of the Guardians blazing with their individual colors. It was visible from every point in Haven, and it droned like a giant bee hive, _demanding_ attention.

Ren had woken for a feeding, and Duke was holding her, offering her a bottle of pumped milk. The baby fussed and turned her head, starting to cry. Tears rose in Duke's eyes, spilling over his cheeks. They cried together as he kept trying to feed Ren, and Nathan came to rub his shoulders.

"We'll find them. It will be alright, Duke."

"I can't even feed her, Nate. They're counting on us to take care of the kids, and Ren won't even eat. She can feel that something is wrong, and I don't know how to calm her down. They trusted me and I'm failing them."

Nathan's hand curled around the back of Duke's neck, and he looked deep into Duke's eyes. "No. You've never failed any of us. Ren can feel your stress, she's a smart baby, and she's worried. That's not because of you. You're keeping us together, Duke. You're keeping _me_ together. Without you, I'd have closed myself off and run or done something that got everyone hurt. You're not failing anyone. I love you."

Duke sniffed and wiped his eyes on his shoulder. "How do I get her to eat, Nate? How do we keep Alec calm after everything he's been through?"

"We keep putting one foot in front of the other and we love them. It's what Audrey and Mara would do."

Duke stopped breathing, his head snapping up in shock, but it wasn't Nathan's voice he focused on.

"I can hear her!"

_"Duke, please be listening. You heard me before, you need to hear me now. We're in trouble."_

_"Mara! Baby, I'm so sorry. Do you have any idea how to get you?"_

_"Actually, I do. Two of them, and I need you for both. I need you to find a Trouble to take, I need Aether. He took all our weapons, we're restrained, but he doesn't know about you. He knows you're alive, but he doesn't know what you are, Duke. He has no idea what you can do!"_

_"Do you know where you are? How do I get to you?"_

_"He's left the room. I think I know where we are, but I need Aether. If you come in now, he'll kill us before you can take him down."_

_"If I can remove a Trouble, will the Aether go to you even though you're not here?"_

_"It will. Remember our exercises, all our practice. I can use the Aether to distract him until you can get the cavalry here."_

_"Where are you? How badly are you hurt?"_

_"We'll live, Duke. We're in the basement on the old Huffaker place, and I've been hurt worse. I have to have the Aether first, if you just come in here guns blazing, someone will get hurt. You're the only one who can hear me. Get me Aether, Duke. I'll hold out as long as I have to. Are you guys okay? I told Audrey that you had to be fine, that if you'd confronted William he'd be dead. Tell me I wasn't lying."_

_"No, we're fine. God, I had a bad feeling, and I should have acted, but we didn't know something was actually wrong until we felt you get hit, and by the time we got to the bathroom he was already driving away. Mara, who do I take the Trouble from? Should I use Nathan or Dwight or a Teagues?"_

_"No! No, absolutely not. They're too important, we need them. Haven needs them. You need to bring them with you when you come. How much of the bond are you guys feeling, Duke? Are you hurt, either of you?"_

He laughed, a disbelieving tone in his voice. _"You're asking us if we're okay when he's using you as a punching bag. You're unbelievable."_

_"I'm not kidding, we worry about you. How are the kids?"_

He sighed, his head falling back. _"Alec is quiet, he's obviously worried. I can't get Ren to eat. She's just refusing the bottle and crying. I'm failing her. We failed you guys."_

_"Stop, Duke. You didn't fail us. We knew we were in danger, we thought we were being careful. We got complacent, thinking he was following Priya. But he was never following her, it was-"_

_"A guy who looked like him, I know. I was ready to kill Stan when he found out. I'll never trust Stan again."_

_"Yeah, well... I can't say I'm feeling all that forgiving myself right now, but we'll deal with it when this is over. We had to face him eventually, Duke. I'd rather it be this way than him catching us out with the kids. Just be strong for right now. We'll get through this if you do. We're counting on you._

_"Listen, Duke. We love you. I love you. We won't leave you. I'll prove I'm stronger than him, baby. Just try to keep an ear out for me and I'll try to stay open. He's trying to force me to give him the ability to use Aether. Don't rush, don't get sloppy. Trust that we're strong enough. He won't kill us, Duke. We're the only way for him to get what he wants, you understand? He can only hurt us, and I'm protecting Audrey. Tell Nathan we love him. Tell the kids."_

_"Mara, I should be protecting you."_ His voice was tormented and Mara wanted to hold him, to soothe him and make him feel better.

_"I'm a big girl, Duke. I'm a Crocker. I can take care of us until you can get to me. Just make sure I get the Aether first. Be careful, try it at least twice. I'd rather have extra than not enough. I will let you know the moment I get it- when that happens, mobilize the team. Then wait for my signal to come in. I need a chance to use the Aether on William. Don't lose focus if he hurts me. I can take it, Duke. We're going to get home."_

_"We love you, we love you so fucking much. Everyone is here, baby. Everyone is looking for you- the whole PD, our family. The Guard- you'll be so proud, they're being amazing. They're the Guard you wanted them to be. Charlotte and Jacob went to get your father. Tell Audrey we love her, please."_

_"I will, and she knows. Don't count on my father for much, Duke. We'll fix this. Shit, he's really coming back? I honestly don't even know what to think about that. Just do what you can. You know where we are now. Get me the Aether and I will make sure we'll be safe when you get here. Trust me."_

_"Mara, don't stop talking, please!"_

_"I have to. I have to focus when he's here, Duke. Get me the Aether. I'm always with you, we love you. Kiss Nathan for us, and tell him to kiss you for us. I'll tell you as soon as I get the Aether and let you know when it's safe to come. Just be ready. Remember, the Huffaker basement. Be strong- we believe in you."_

_"Mara!"_

There was no answer. Duke swallowed hard, leaning forward and hugging the baby to his chest. He kissed her head, murmuring, "That's from your moms, Ren."

"Duke, what did she say? I'm going crazy here."

He took a second to wipe his eyes, leaning to kiss Nathan. "She said to give you that from her and Audrey. She needs me to send her Aether. I need to take a Trouble. She says the Aether will go to her even if we're not together, and she can use it to keep William from killing them when we storm the place." He handed Ren to Nathan, standing with a vindictive smile, eyes shining silver.

Duke's voice rang loud across the room, drawing everyone's attention. "I know where they are. We have a plan. I need someone, anyone willing to give a Trouble or a gift. I have to get the Aether to Mara. She'll get herself and Audrey safe from William and then we're storming the place. They're in the basement of the old Huffaker farm."

Vince, Dave an Dwight all surged forward, talking over each other, and Duke help up his hand. "Uh-uh. She specifically said not you guys. She needs you helping to lead the assault. Anyone but you guys."

Dwight nodded. "I'll put out word to the Guard, I'll get us volunteers." He immediately pulled out his phone and went to the back of the room to speak privately.

There was a knock at the door, and Duo was scowling as he came in, followed by Charlotte, Jacob, and a man none of them had met. Then surprisingly, one dear, familiar face.

Mara's father, with her and Nathan's son James at his side.

* * *

Audrey and Mara watched William as he busied himself at the side of the room, opening a box of orbs there on the counter. It was so close they could taste it, they felt the power from the box. They could see their wedding ring shining next to the box, and they yearned for the comforting feel of it against their skin.

William was adjusting some music, finally turning to them as the first strains of 'Paint it Black' by The Rolling Stones filled the room.

"Oh, you're feeling quite literal today, William."

He smiled at her, but his eyes were dark and tight. "I need to remind you who you are. _What_ you are. And who you belong to."

She watched through narrow eyes as he approached her. There was no teasing grin in his eyes, he was focused, single-minded in his mission. She knew what was coming- she'd been expecting it. She was determined to be strong enough, to keep Audrey from feeling it.

She looked bored as he stalked forward, his fingers running through her hair. He was being _gentle_. That was almost more perverse than when he showed his true colors.

"I promised you once that I'd teach you to enjoy this." He moved in close enough for her to feel his breath on her face. She didn't allow herself to flinch, raising one eyebrow in her old, spitefully bored expression.

"I doubt it makes a difference to you, William, but I'm not interested. I don't want this. I don't want _you._ You don't need to pretend you love me. I know I'm just an opportunity for you, that you want the Aether."

"No, I've been thinking about what you said. I want another son, Mara. I want to be there for everything this time."

"Then I'm sorry to tell you this, but you left me infertile when you stabbed me, William. I can't give you children. If you're suddenly feeling paternal, I recommend you find another woman, one who wants you. One you haven't hurt already."

His eyes narrowed, and his hand wrapped into her hair, pulling her face up to kiss her. "You're my wife, Mara. I want _you_."

She felt queasy but she just blinked slowly, shaking her head. "Do what you're going to do, William. It's just a body."

_'I won't let you feel it, Audrey. And it will buy time for the guys to get us Aether. I just need to think of it as something happening to another personality.'_

_'Mara please, you don't have to do this.'_

_'It may keep him from hitting us and he'll be distracted. Let me see if I can slow play it, give Duke some time.'_

Mara stared up at him. "You're not just going to untie me and fuck me, William. That's not going to make me enjoy it. Get me a drink, dance with me. Don't treat your _wife_ like a common whore."

William pursed his lips, thinking. "Fine. What do you want to drink?"

"Bourbon, neat."

He nodded and walked quickly up the stairs. Unless he opened a sealed bottle in front of her, she didn't dare drink anything he gave her, so she'd have to work around it, but right now all that mattered was buying time. Time for them to track down a Trouble they hadn't already cured or time to convince a gifted person that they could give back the gift when everything was done.

Mara and Audrey thought about how amazing it was that they had to _search_ now to find someone who wanted to be rid of their Trouble. They'd managed to save Haven from the Troubles, and now it was time to save their creator. Time to complete the cycle and give them a chance to live free.

For that possible future, for their kids, Mara would take whatever punishment William gave her with a smile on her face.

It was all a means to an end.

William came back with two plastic cups and a sealed bottle, and Mara sent up a quick prayer of thanks to whoever was listening. He filled her cup more than halway full and cut her hands free, her legs still securely tied to the chair. When she took the bourbon, Mara held it up to him in a silent toast and he smiled a little as he toasted her back.

The liquid fire sent a warm trail through her, and she let her mind roam to the time she'd been shackled in the _Rouge_ , drinking bourbon with Duke. They'd come so far, and the reminder made her feel strong and unafraid. Duke had overcome Mara's own behavior to love her, with Nathan and Audrey added, together the four of them would overcome William to love each other again.

Truly, if she could make Nathan Wuornos love her, she could do anything. Audrey laughed at Mara's thought, and her laughter warmed Mara more than the bourbon.

They were quiet for a few minutes as they drank, William pouring when Mara held out her empty cup for more. Neither seemed to know exactly what to say, but Mara broke the silence.

"Can you explain why? I loved you. I was trying to find a way to give you what you wanted. Had you asked back then, William, I probably would have happily married you. So why did you turn my father in, turn me against my mother? Why did you hurt me when I would have given you the world?"

His short laugh held no humor. "People like you, you're just _given_ things. Born to a rich family, pretty, smart- and that wasn't enough, you had to be the most gifted Aether-user our world has ever seen. You didn't deserve it, you didn't have to work for it. I had to fight for every single crumb I ever got.

"So I made you my wife, I connected you to me so that I would get what I deserved. But it's barely gotten me anything at all. That pathetic excuse of a gift you gave me when I killed your little pet- oh, Mara, when I realized you hadn't given me the actual ability, I wanted to take it from your hide, I wanted to flay the skin from your bones, I was so angry.

"But I just waited. You've made me more patient in some ways, Mara. Then when you finally came around, they dragged you off to that Barn. That fucking Barn. Burying you under person after person, hiding you, hiding your ability. I couldn't get to you. I tried. I wanted to save you."

She watched him in fascination as he spoke, and she finished her drink again, holding it out for him to pour. He refilled her cup without complaint.

"You wanted to save me, or you wanted to preserve my ability? You're right in one way- I didn't have to fight for the ability, because I didn't know it existed. I was a dying child. I couldn't help who I was born to, and you can't force Aether to work with someone. You've seen, it makes it's own decisions.

"I didn't fight to get it, but I had to pay for it every single day. Even just my original gift made people uncomfortable around me. I could cope, though. The pandemic wasn't exactly fun for me. After the cure, I was an utter misfit. Months of seeing nothing but the Maze, and then the pain throughout my entire body. For months even the beat of my pulse hurt me. I have to be on guard every moment to keep it under control."

He sat forward, eager and animated. "But look what you can do now! There's nothing you can't do, Mara! A little pain for that, it's not even a real question! It's worth it!"

"There's plenty of things I can't do, William. Plenty of people I couldn't save, people I couldn't help. All that time we were friends I tried to give you the ability. It wasn't _me_ that wouldn't let you control Aether, it's the Aether itself.

"I could never go back home. I told you, my father turned on me, left me to rot and never looked back. I thought me loved me. Being locked in that Barn, 500 years, William. 18 full personalities and one personality that never fully stuck. Nobody ever said my name, it was like being stuck in a shell- I could see out, I could feel what happened to my body, but I had no choice. Constantly invaded by new personalities and forced to feel the lovers they took. It would still be happening if not for Nathan killing Byron, Duke coming in after me- and _you_."

She took a long drink, shaking her head slowly. "You came in there with your beautiful laughing face and your kind blue eyes, and you saved me from dying with the Barn. You were so kind and just like when I first met you as a child, I was intrigued by you. When you're a good person, you're one of the absolute best in the universe. But you choose to be cruel, and I don't know why. If you weren't, if you were what you _could_ be, I believe the Aether would choose to work with you."

He cocked his head, his voice quiet and sweet, expression hopeful and almost childlike. "You liked me?"

"I loved you, William. So again, I ask you what I always wondered: _Why_?"

"Because..." William hung his head and looked so sad for a moment, Mara had to close her eyes, her heart breaking for him. Then his eyes focused on her from below, a sinister expression that gave her a chill. He raised his head, a smile twisting his lips into a sneer.

"Because I fucking love to see you cry, you pathetic, mewling quim. 'Oh, dear me, my rich, powerful, high-Caste parents are afraid of my amazing power! I can make these awe-inspiring curses that change the entire face of the world, but wah, it gives me an owie!' It sickens me, and you don't deserve it!

"I was born an Untouchable! The lowest Caste there is. People spit on my family when they walked by us just because of that fucking system. Nobody gave a damn that I was gifted and smart! There was no hope, no opportunity for me or my family. Before I even hit puberty I did them a _favor_ by giving them all quick deaths, and I ran somewhere nobody knew me, and those rich snobs never even guessed I was an Untouchable, they thought I was high Caste just like you. But I worked and sacrificed for it, while you just got lucky at birth." His face was purple with rage but he never lost his smile. "Even 'Brilliant Mara' never guessed. You still feel smart and superior?"

"I never supported the Caste system, and I didn't fucking _care_ what Caste you were! I never asked you because I never cared. It wasn't because I just assumed you were high caste! _I. Never. Cared._ To me you were just William, I judged you on your own merits, not an accident of birth! You're blaming me for something _you_ thought, not something I did! I'd have loved you just as much if I'd known what Caste you were, it didn't matter to me!"

He was a truly gifted actor. Mara and Audrey had honestly felt for him, believed for a minute that he could be saved. Idiots, the both of them. It threw them off enough that they weren't braced or prepared when he hit them and grabbed at them, kissing hard enough to bruise.

Mara marshaled all of her focus, locked the pain away from Audrey and prayed to all the gods she could remember that her Aether would come soon.

* * *

Back on the _Rouge_ , the people on the boat had all gone quiet, the silence so oppressive that Nathan's hurt, stunned utterance rang out like a gunshot.

"James?"

"Dad, is it true? Is Mom in trouble?"

"Yeah, James. Mara and Audrey both are in Trouble. We missed you. We talk about you every day. I wish we were seeing you under better circumstances. Come here, meet your brother and sister. This is your brother Alec, and this little girl is your baby sister Ren."

James took the baby from Nathan, cradling her gently, a small smile on his lips, and tousled Alec's hair.

Mara's father leaned in to look at Ren, smiling, and opened his arms to Alec. "I thought Jacob's resurrection was a fluke or that the gods had intervened, but she truly learned how to bring the lost back! How?" Alec started to move forward to greet him when Duke swung Alec up, kissing his face and swinging him to make him laugh.

"Hey little buddy, what do you say you go down below with Priya and Aaron and she can help you draw Mama and Amma a 'Welcome Home' card. We're gonna discuss boring grown up stuff. Will you do that for me and Abba?"

The distraction worked, and Alec smiled, grasping onto that thread of hope. He ran to take Priya's hand, and she took him down below, Ren still in her brother's arms. Alec paused and ran back to Duke and Nathan, throwing his arms around them. They knelt to hug him between them, and Alec said, "I love you, Daddy. I love you, Abba." He kissed their cheeks and ran back to Priya. Duo stayed behind with the others, a group of people- most Guard, people who had wanted Mara dead once, stood in a solid wall in front of the door, Mara's Maze visible on arms all around. Gloria stood small and blonde and deceptively sweet in the center, next to Dwight.

Duke was livid, his face red as he stalked up to James Cross. "How _dare_ you come in here looking at our daughter and offering our son hugs like you didn't just walk out on Mara for five hundred years! You left her rotting in the sick prison Charlotte made, and nobody knows why! Why did you never try to talk to her, never try to help her? Why didn't you tell Charlotte what had happened to her? Charlotte fucked up because she had bad information, but you knew the truth and you could have talked to Charlotte!

"We sent for you to come to try and help save Mara and Audrey, not to play 'Grandpa of the Year'. When the girls get home safe, if you don't tuck your tail and run, then _they_ can decide if they want you around our kids."

Nathan put both hands on Duke's shoulders, squeezing and whispering reassurances in his ear.

Nobody had noticed Lizzy creeping closer, tugging on the young James' shirt. He leaned down and she whispered in his ear until James was staring up at his grandfather like he didn't know him anymore. "Is this true? All those lives, all that time in the Barn- I was there when Lucy found out, I knew Mara was my real mother by then- you could have stopped it? All by just talking to your wife?" His eyes were wide and horrified, remembering how scared Lucy had been, of the letters Sarah had left for him, of his brief time with Audrey. Of course he knew who Mara was, knew that she was his real mother and why the personalities didn't age, but he had never suspected his grandfather had been complicit.

Nathan and Duke were nodding solemnly, and James turned to Charlotte. "You told me you were wrong about what you thought, Jacob told me what happened to Mom. If grandfather had talked to you, would you have stopped hurting her?"

Charlotte blinked back tears, but nodded. "Yes. I had no idea- I thought she was lying, I never knew she'd had a child. I should have listened to her when she told me what William did, I was a fool and she suffered for it, but if someone, anyone had backed up her story I would have done everything differently."

James rocked Ren unconsciously, bouncing her gently. "Grandfather, why?"

The Elder James looked down at the floor. "I couldn't keep William away from her. After he murdered Alec and Jacob, Mara closed off, she barely spoke. She worked constantly, to the point where she would fall asleep standing up. Nothing I said made a difference. My work was becoming more demanding, taking up more of my time. I wasn't helping her, so I focused on my work, trying to help the people I could."

James' eyes went hard and suddenly Duke could see how very much he resembled Nathan. His face twisted in fury, and he spit the words like projectiles. "That's not what I asked! She was locked in the Barn by your _wife_ , left there to be overwritten and erased over and over for hundreds of years like some sick game of paper dolls. I asked you why in 500 years you didn't tell Charlotte the truth and _save my mother!"_

Ren stared up at him, but she didn't cry when his voice rose to a roar. Duke could swear, he would bet money that he had seen the baby _smile_.

"I didn't know about the Barn. I never knew about it. It wasn't something we discussed. Mara had been away from home for years by then, and we didn't... we didn't talk about her."

Small Gloria surged out of the sea of stunned, sickened faces, putting a gentle hand on young James' arm as she murmured, "I'm glad to see you again. Excuse me for a second." She turned to face Mara's father, and quicker than anyone had thought possible, her fist cracked across his jaw hard enough to make the large man stumble and stare down at her in shock.

"You're a damned fool. Mara's been talking about you like you hung the moon, always talking about how strong and smart and good her 'Daddy' is. Well I've lost a child! You don't get them back when they're gone, and I may not have liked your wife, but you- you make me _sick_. You don't deserve to call those girls yours. You don't forget about your baby because she's not fun and interesting, you don't walk away because she's depressed and you sure as shit don't disappear for 500 years and just play innocent by saying 'Ya can't be mad at me, I was busy at work and didn't know'.

"You bring a child into this world or you take custody of a child, that child is your responsibility. That child is your life. There is no excuse for not knowing where your child is or if they're alright for one week much less centuries. And your story is bullshit. You've had her son working with you for how long? I'm sure he's mentioned Lucy and Sarah. No, I think you knew, or guessed, but didn't ask questions because you didn't want to get involved. You didn't want to clutter up your schedule saving your little girl and you loved the idea of being able to say you knew nothing about it."

Gloria stared the larger man down, and James slowly edged around to stand next to her, closer to his father. Mara's father finally looked down, beaten, and Gloria nodded, a sneer on her face.

"I knew it. I hope your quiet time was worth it, Cross, because those girls? They're _my_ daughters. And so help me god, you're going to stay here and help us until they get home safe."

Jacob put his arm around Gloria's shoulders, trying to calm her down and still convey that he supported her completely. "These men and women with my nephew Dwight, this is the Guard. They- along with us, all of her extended family who chose to love her- will not rest until Mara and Audrey are found, and neither will you. To avoid confusion... and because I just don't like you anymore, old friend- we'll call Mara and Nathan's son 'James' and we'll call you 'Cross' to remind us how swiftly your affections can turn."

The older man's face was unhappy, but he nodded, keeping one eye on Gloria.

James faced his father and Duke, Ren still in his arms. "I didn't know. I was told that Howard had been killed and the Barn destroyed, that Mom was free. I never knew she was in danger, I didn't know about her history. I would have found a way to come back, I swear."

Duke grasped his shoulder and Nathan actually moved in to hug James, patting his back. "I'm sorry about everything. But we talk about you every day. Mara sent an orb to search for you a few months ago, and when she saw you were working with her dad- She was happy for you, because it meant you were safe and you'd have a good future, but at the same time she realized her father had just stopped caring about her and chose to replace her instead, and it hurt. But she just wants you to be happy. I can't wait for you to see her, to see how well she and Audrey work together."

"Is she... are _they_ happy? Doesn't she want her own body? How did one of the personalities turn real? I don't understand any of that."

Duke rubbed Nathan's back. "She's happy, they're both happy. They like being together, they're stronger than all the rest of us combined. We've offered to try and find a way to split them, but they say no. Part of it is Mara not trusting herself- being a prisoner for so long, the idea of total freedom is overwhelming- but I think a lot of it is that she feels safer with Audrey. None of us know for sure why Audrey became real and none of the others. Mara has theories, of course- that woman has theories about everything, her mind is never still- but they just accepted it and keep moving. They're happy together, James. I swear we're treating your mom well."

Duke's face fell, and his voice got dark and serious again. "We really messed up, though. He snatched them from right under our noses because we thought we were so smart. Priya, the Aetherling who took Alec downstairs, she was posing as the girls, and the lead detective had been watching them, taking pictures, and he told us that William was following Priya. He fucking _swore_ that they were safe and he was following Priya. Mara had drawn dozens of pictures of William so everyone could be watching. It took us less than one minute of looking at the pictures Stan took to see that the guy wasn't William at all."

Nathan pulled Duke into a hug, letting Duke hide his tears against Nathan's neck. "We'll get them back. Dwight has people coming in right now, we'll get the Aether Mara asked for and we'll be ready to move the second she says the word."

Duke nodded, trying to get himself under control. He'd just taken a deep breath when his lip split, blood pouring down his chin, and his eyes immediately sought out the matching wound on Nathan. Their hands tightened on each other and they stumbled to the couch, collapsing into each other's arms.

"What?" James came closer, looking at them anxiously. "What's wrong? Duke? Dad? What the hell is happening?" He kept Ren pressed safely to his chest, never allowing the panic to overwhelm him, but Duke didn't take the time to admire the similarities to Nathan. His silver eyes gleamed and he glared ominously at Mara's father, his tone full of barely masked pain and anger. "William is hurting them."

Cuts and bruises blossomed on Nathan and Duke as they held each other, but Duke never looked away from Cross, his eyes burning cold silver holes through the man. James was stunned, but kept holding Ren in one arm and trying to blot the blood from their faces with a tissue from the table.

Duo ran in with Dwight, three more Guard members having been marked to come aboard. Dwight was out of breath. "Allison, Jerry and Callum have all agreed to have their gifts taken to help the girls." He saw a new cut open near both Nathan and Duke's eyes and he clenched his jaw, drawing the people close. "Don't get up, Duke. We'll come to you. Do your thing, and the second she calls for us, we mobilize. Actually, we should mobilize the second she confirms receipt of the Aether. Set up a secondary staging center closer to the Huffaker farm. Then when they're ready, we go in."

He handed Duke a knife and Duke thanked each volunteer as he cut them, the tears flowing easily from his eyes and flying away. He felt like his heart was going with them, but he spoke to the volunteers in a kind, reassuring voice. "When we get them back, you'll all get your gifts back, and we'll owe you. Thank you, more than I can ever really express. You're saving our family."

Nathan nodded. "I'm not as good with words as Duke, and I know a lot of you have hated me before. But thank you. I know Mara would- _will_ \- be proud of all of you. You're the Guard she wanted, you're what she intended for Haven in the first place."

Callum, one of the members of the old Guard, one who had hated Nathan with a passion while the meteors fell and when Mara was initially running amok in Haven came close to put a hand on Nathan's shoulder. His jaw was tight and there were tears in his eyes. "When they fixed my gift, when they made the Maze appear instead of the tattoo, they said 'You protect each other like a family because that's what you are. Linked by Intent and Aether.' We may not have always agreed, Wuornos, but you and Crocker were right. We're a family, and right now it's our job to help save our sisters."

Nathan had to press his lips shut to keep from sobbing, but tears ran down his face and he covered Callum's hand on his shoulder, nodding. Each of the three volunteers squeezed Duke's shoulder and then Nathan's before moving to join the rest of the Guard, and finally, as scared and lost as the men were, James held Ren close and pressed against Duke and Nathan, trying to hug them both one-armed.

* * *

On the cold floor in the Huffaker basement, the bare wooden floorboards biting into her back, Mara practiced some of Duke's meditation exercises, distancing herself from her body while maintaining situational awareness. William must have put the song on repeat, because she'd lost track of how many times 'Paint it Black' had played. She saw everything, and when she refused to answer Audrey's attempts to soothe her, Audrey learned to play along.

The spiderweb in the corner had a small egg sac in it, the promise of new life hidden in plain view.

One floor board was raised slightly, and the end was worn smooth, like many hands had lifted it over the years. They wondered what was hidden beneath. They'd be sure to look when they had a chance.

There by the door, the floor was just a bit darker than the rest of the wood. Where blood had permeated the floor once.

He'd beaten them hard enough he didn't bother holding their arms, and they didn't have any fight left in them. Everything hurt, and it was pure force of will mixed with a hefty dose of spite and trust in Duke and Nathan that kept the Hypersensitivity in check. She was certain at least their left arm was broken, and didn't even want to think about what else might be fractured or torn.

_'Mara, I-'_

_'It's only a body, Audrey. Every minute, every second, it just gives them time to get us the Aether.'_

_'Can I do anything?'_

_'I've never been on vacation. I've never really left Haven. I'd like to eat a fresh-picked avocado. That sounds like fun.'_

_'Yeah. It does sound fun. I have memories of vacations, but I guess I've only been to Colorado, like you.'_

_'We should take a vacation. We could take the Rouge and go see California. I think avocados grow there.'_

_'I bet Duke will want us to go check the Bermuda Triangle. We can be the first to figure out why things disappear there.'_

_'Audrey, really? Think about it. A spot invisible to the human eye where things disappear. It's just a big Thinny.'_

_'No, really? So all those ships and planes and things...'_

_'Yep, they're in the Void. I'll take you into the Void sometime, you can see the wrecks. It's pretty cool. I've never had a chance to really explore the things that got stuck there, but I bet Duke would love it. He could bring home lost treasure, he loves that kind of thing.'_

_'I wonder if it's any less dangerous than his deep-sea diving.'_

_'With me there it's safe. Our rings protect us and I know the Void. I understand it. That would be a very Crocker-Wuornos vacation. Who needs Disneyland?'_

Mara became aware of two things at the same time.

William was almost done, which could be a good thing or a very bad thing.

And the Aether was coming for her.

She didn't move as the Maze flared on the wrist, glad for William's distraction as she formed the orb, binding the Intent she'd been thinking up since she spoke to Duke. Her breath came a little faster and Audrey had to lend her some strength, but just as William finished, she managed to touch one black handprint to his side before her arm dropped back down, and he didn't even notice.

_"Duke! I got the Aether, get ready. Don't worry, just be quiet. He has a gun, but I don't think it's an issue. Hurry! As soon as I know it's safe, that the Aether worked, come in and blow his brains out."_

_"Mara, baby, are you two okay? We felt-"_

_"Never mind that! Get them moving, Duke!"_

It was time to finish this.


	53. This is What it Sounds Like When Doves Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Song for this chapter is 'When Doves Cry' by Prince, may he rest in peace.
> 
> The other song mentioned here is 'Lay Me Low' by Nick Cave.

 

William was smiling as he fastened his clothes, and Mara tried to fix the shreds of her dress to cover her better. William shook his head, rolling his eyes at her. "Your modesty is pointless. You've got nothing I haven't seen." He reached down and grabbed her arms, yanking her up. The bones rasped as they shifted, but she refused to cry out. He drug her to the chair and shoved her into it. She strained to catch her breath without being obvious.

"So, now that we've established who's dominant in this relationship, let's talk about the Aether. You're going to give me the gift, Mara. You have no choice."

She just watched him for a long moment before she leaned forward with her right arm to pick up the bottle, filling her empty cup and setting the bottle back down. She didn't need it as a weapon. She had too many injuries to wield it effectively anyway. She just needed to give the Aether a few minutes to work. She could stall. He was strong, but Mara had always been a brilliant manipulator.

She sat back in the chair and drank, embracing the burn of the bourbon against the torn flesh in her mouth and on her lips. She drained half the cup, just staring at William, and she opened her mouth to sing. Her voice wobbled and warbled and the words slurred a little, but it was exactly how the song was meant to be sung, so she just let it go on.

_"They're gonna lay me low_

_They're gonna sink me in the snow_

_They're gonna throw back their heads and crow_

_When I go_

_They're gonna jump and shout_

_They're gonna wave their arms about_

_All the stories will come out_

_When I go_

_All the stars will glow bright_

_And my friends will give up the fight_

_They'll see my work in a different light_

_When I go_

_They'll try telephoning my mother_

_But they'll end up getting my brother_

_Who'll spill the story on some long-gone lover_

_That I hardly know_

_Hats off to the man_

_On top of the world_

_Come crawl up here, baby_

_And I'll show you how it works_

_If you wanna be my friend_

_And you wanna repent_

_And you want it all to end_

_And you wanna know when_

_Well do it now don't care how_

_Take your final bow_

_Make a stand Take my hand_

_And blow it all to hell_

_They gonna inform the police chief, poor Dwight,_

_Who'll breathe a sigh of relief_

_He'll say I was a malanderer, a badlander, and a thief_

_When I go_

_They will interview my teachers_

_Who'll say I was one of God's sorrier creatures_

_They'll print informative six-page features in the Herald_

_When I go_

_They'll bang a big old gong_

_The motorcade will be ten miles long_

_The world will join together for a farewell song_

_When they put me down below_

_They'll sound a fluegelhorn_

_And the sea will rage, and the sky will storm_

_All man and beast will mourn_

_When I go_

_Hats off to the man_

_On top of the world_

_Come crawl up here, baby_

_And we can watch this damn thing turn_

_If you wanna be my friend_

_And you wanna repent_

_And you want it all to end_

_And you wanna know when_

_Well do it now Do it now_

_Take a long last bow_

_Take my hand Make a stand_

_And blow it all to hell_

_Lay me low..._

_When I go..."_

Mara's voice trailed off and she took another drink, her eyes never leaving William's face.

"Don't sing your funeral dirge just yet. I'm not going to kill you, Mara. Not yet, at least. You're more useful to me alive. I won't hesitate to hurt you though."

"Well, of course not. Why start now? That's the thing about you, William. You're a creature of habit, like me. Predictable. You want me to give you my gift, because you think it will make you powerful. You think it will make people take you seriously, that they'll finally see your real worth. Having me on your arm, a toy to abuse in your bed, you want that. People still remember me at home. I'm in the science and history books. Having me gives you the credibility you currently lack, and it makes you feel powerful."

"I _am_ powerful. Without Aether, you're nothing. Just another weak woman. Look at you. Beaten and bloody, full of my seed. The high and mighty Mara Cross, just another pathetic little girl. Without access to Aether, I can do anything to you. But if you stop fighting me, if you work _with_ me, I can make your life very pleasant. Once you give me the gift, once you learn to work _with_ me instead of _against_ me, we'll rule more than this dump. We can go home and rule our world."

She smiled and took a drink, meeting his gaze evenly. "Aww, offering to make my life pleasant- if _I_ give you an ability you can't get without me. I have to disagree about who's exactly in control of this _relationship_. I may not be able to do much without Aether, but I can do anything _with_ it. You can't do a thing with it, and even without it, all you can do is rely on superior physical strength. You think having the ability to use Aether will make you a king, William?"

He took an orb from the box at the side of the room and held it out in front of her. "No, not a king, Mara. Kings come and go. I'm more than that. We're inevitable, Mara. _We are gods_. Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. We're better than other people, we're unique, superior- a whole new world will be created by us!"

Mara smiled and reached to take the orb, admiring the shimmering fire, the essence of life it contained. Her shoulders squared and she laughed. "You're no god, William. I have one of those waiting for me at home."

He hesitated, looking at her through narrowed eyes. "What are you talking about?"

She smiled, the picture of amused ease, the special smile that she got when she knew she held all the cards.

"I count things, you know. Maybe it's an OCD thing, maybe it's habit, or something I picked up to get through the days in the Barn. I was counting how many things you've been wrong about today, and I actually lost count. I have an eidetic memory, so that's unusual." She leaned back, sprawled in the chair and tossing the orb up, catching it over and over.

"You've gotten so much wrong, but let me make one thing perfectly clear first off- the most important thing. My name isn't Mara Cross, William. _My name is Mara Lilith Crocker_. I am the wife of Duke Crocker and Nathan Wuornos, and Audrey and I are the mothers of his and Nathan's children. Oh, did I not mention that?" She tossed the orb again, catching it without looking, and continued on before William could interrupt.

"See, Duke is a _real_ godling. He's so strong he helped bring Alec- yes, the boy you sired on me- back. He brought him back to me and do you know what he did, William? He took your genes from that sweet little boy and he replaced them with his own and Nathan's. So my son lives, Aether adores him, and he has not a trace of you in him. He's Duke's and Nathan's. You don't exist to him. You have no children, you never will. You have no legacy and you have left no lasting marks on the world. You're utterly forgettable.

"That baby you saw me pregnant with, when you stabbed me? Duke fathered her. I made a baby with him while I had my own body, William. I _chose_ to be with him. I loved him then and I love him still. He got me pregnant and our daughter is so strong that she erased your foul deeds. She saved her fathers, she saved herself. She was born on Yule, unharmed and perfect. I know you've seen my mark in the sky, William. I didn't put it there. _My daughter with Duke did."_

She drained the last of the bourbon and set her cup down upside down, the universal symbol of a successfully finished round, still smiling.

He was pale and his face looked pained, but he said, "You're lying."

"Nope! Ren Edana Wuornos, born at 12:34 am on Yule. Same birth time as me, just on Yule instead of Samhain, isn't that funny? You said yourself, I've got nothing you haven't seen. There is no scar on my stomach. You asked what I did to the Troubles, to keep you from altering them- before you lost your abilities completely. I know, a magician never reveals her secrets, but what the hell, we've been friends for centuries, haven't we? I know I can trust _you_. See, I didn't alter the Troubles, William. We cured them."

"That's impossible. You never found a way to remove Aether from a living subject."

"Oh, you've been paying attention! That's true. That's why I didn't say _I_ cured them. Duke does it, William. He only needs a few drops of Troubled blood to pull all the Aether from a target. Then he gives it to me, and I make it back into clean Aether." She tossed the orb up and caught it again, holding it lovingly.

William was silent, and Mara continued. "That's how we broke the bond. That's how you lost the small amount of control over Aether you had. When you attacked me in the apartment, I cut you. You bled on the floor, and all Duke had to do once Ren brought him back to life was touch the blood. How does that feel, William? After all the nasty things you've said about my husband- my real husband- to know he _stripped the Aether from your blood_ and broke the bond you used to control me, all with a single touch. Oh, his hands are _magic_ , trust me." Her voice became a laughing sing-song. " _Duke took your power."_

"Stop, Mara. Stop before you make me hurt you. That's all a lie, an insane story. I'm not a fool."

Mara raised her eyebrows, puckering her lips in thought. "That's debatable, but okay, sure. You've got a whole box of Aether, let's have a party. Make an Aetherling, William. If you can."

He must be getting tired, normally he'd already have hit her.

He took an orb from the box and focused. Nothing happened. Again and again he tried, but the Aether lay cold and dormant, ignoring him, and he finally rounded on her, fury etched on his face.

"Aww, can't do it? The Aether won't listen to you, will it? Nope. It hates you. Poor William, screwed over by the establishment, never got a proper thank-you note for slaughtering his family, had to lie and cheat and steal and rape to get to use Aether, when gosh darnit, the Aether should have been begging to work with William. Life is just so unfair." Her voice was an amused, sarcastic drawl, and she was reminded again of her time as a prisoner in the hold of the _Rouge_.

William took an angry step forward, his fist already in the air, when his body started shaking.

Mara grinned, her eyes narrowing. "What's wrong, _honey_? You got that arm up, don't tell me you have trouble getting it down. If that lasts more than four hours, they say to call a doctor."

"What did you do to me? How?! You still have the orb I gave you. Mara, answer me now."

"Or what? You'll hit yourself?" She held up the orb he'd handed her. "Yep. I still have the orb you handed me. You remember when you came back and those people tried to stone me as a witch? Or hey, do you remember asking Alec if he liked magic before you hurt me through the bond? Well, do _you_ like magic, William? This is even better than the penny-behind-the-ear trick. Lift up your shirt. Look at your ribs."

He tore at his shirt, throwing it to the floor and saw her black handprint, edged in golden fire.

"No. No, how? You couldn't have! I left you no Aether!"

"Oh, you do remember some rules. So you know I can't give you a gift to control Aether, because I've already used Aether on you. You _lose_. Past, present and future, you always lose. _You don't get the prize, William_." She smiled, holding the orb up tauntingly.

"I'll kill you for this, you pathetic-" he raised his fist again and his body shook harder, straining against some invisible force. Enraged, he reached for the gun, but as his hand got close to it, the shaking intensified.

"You were saying, William? Oh, ha! I made myself _untouchable_. Gods, I love irony. What, _too soon?_ I wish you could see your face right now. Classic." She smiled spitefully, her eyes slits as she stared at him, shaking her hair back and getting comfortable. She refused to show the fear he used to make himself stronger, her brash attitude just encouraging and exacerbating his wrath.

"You think because I can't touch you, you're safe? You're wrong!"

Her whole body hurt, and she felt disturbingly weak, but Audrey was supporting her, so Mara sprawled casually in her torn dress, like she didn't have a concern in the world, and played with her hair with her right hand, her broken left arm tight against her body. "How do you figure? Enlighten me."

"I'll kill your mother, your little mongrels, those filthy humans; I will kill every last person in the way until there is nobody left but me and you. It will be more fun killing them and watching you beg and cry, for you to come pleading for me to take you back because you can't stand being alone."

"But I'm never alone, William. I have Audrey. And I never said your new Trouble only protects _me_. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of... well, no. Just yourself, really." She smirked, her laugh tinkling like wind chimes.

William strained to hit her, but every time he tried to harm her, he shook madly, like he was fighting an invisible field. Mara stood and straightened her back- her skin was white as paper where it wasn't black and blue, but she hid the pain and lethargy as she came closer to him, stopping at the counter to retrieve her wedding ring and sliding it into place, determined that nobody ever be able to remove it again without her permission.

"You want to hurt me, don't you, William?" Her voice was low, sultry and mocking. A voice she'd used often when she had been at war with Nathan and Duke.

He snarled wordlessly, face red with the strain.

"I can help you, if you'd like. A little pain now and then is an amazing thing, don't you think? If I give you permission, you'll be able to touch me. Do you want to touch me, William?"

He nodded wordlessly.

"Then _Beg_."

"Mara, I swear-"

"On your knees, William. Beg on your knees."

"Never! I will never, ever bow before a creature as wretched, pathetic and pitiful as you."

Mara considered, moving her head side to side like it was an interesting math equation. She finally nodded and kicked her foot out, catching him in the knee hard enough to make him drop to the ground.

"Oh, that's a better angle. You look good like this. Humility suits you, William. As I said, a little pain now and then is an amazing thing. I imagine it's hard for you to get hit, considering you'e _Untouchable_. No, I was never a fan of the Caste system, but I think they got it right with you.

"You said I was a god, William. You said _you_ were a god. But I've always been devout. I don't think the gods like that attitude, and I'm certain they don't want you. But, though I would never call myself a god, I _am_ special. The Aether chooses me. It loves me. It loves my children and my husbands."

She leaned to speak into his ear, letting her breath tickle him, watching the goosebumps rise on his skin. " _Duke can manipulate Aether_. I didn't have to give him the ability. It was in him already. One more person who didn't have to work to get what you wanted for yourself."

She held her hand out to help him up. "I give you permission to touch me."

He immediately snatched her hand and started to yank when his body froze, shaking harder and harder as she left her hand in his. He may have tried letting go, but she didn't know- his muscles were so tightly clenched he couldn't if he did try.

"What... did you do? You gave me permission!"

"To touch me, yes. Not to try and hurt me. Your own arrogance, William. See, you were right- Mara Cross is a weak, pathetic, predictable girl. As predictable as you. She strikes first, lashes out to keep people away because she's absolutely terrified that if they get close they'll find her weaknesses and exploit them, that they'll judge her for having feelings. She reacts immediately, violently and never explains why she does what she does. She expects people to know how she feels even though she hides the feelings. She's an unreasonable, frightened child.

"You are a cruel, emotionally stunted, powerless little boy who makes himself feel strong by hurting other people. You don't change, so you believe nobody is capable of change; that we're all destined to be a certain way all our lives, never able to become better. Never able to grow emotionally. You pretend attaining more power or wealth is the only way you can grow. It makes it easier for you to ignore your own shortcomings, because you see them as an unalterable piece of who you are. You love the sound of your own voice, but you didn't listen to _me_ , William."

He was shaking hard; it looked like a seizure, but his eyes were clear and aware, listening to every word.

"Mara Cross is predictable. I'm Mara _Crocker_. I promised a lot of people that if I saw you again, you wouldn't walk away. I don't make promises I don't intend to keep."

She grabbed his hand in both of hers, not letting him pull away. The shaking turned to vibrating and suddenly steam was rising from his body. Mara stared, smiling darkly, as his skin began to char, the energy from the intense vibration creating heat, cooking him from the inside out. "Duke suggested once that we burn you to ash. Funny how things work out."

She didn't look away or blink, she just stood smiling into his eyes as he tried to scream. As it got worse and worse, she kept hold of his hand and tried to sound comforting, but the amusement was winning out.

"Don't be afraid, William. I've been with you a long time. You won't die alone. You don't need to fear death. It's the _after_ part you should fear. See, the gods will be waiting, and I know they'll have a lot to talk to you about."

His eyes rolled back and he slumped, but Mara kept his hand in hers until she knew he was gone, beyond any hope of resuscitation.

There was a loud crash, the pounding of many running feet and the harsh bark of Dwight's voice shouting, "Haven P.D. Freeze and put your hands up!"

Audrey sobbed in relief, but Mara stood smiling. "Duke was right," she laughed in a hoarse voice. "Blisters show up after the hard work is done."

Nathan and Duke ran to her immediately, touching and kissing, but they didn't try to hug her, not without knowing the extent of the injuries. They were crying, and she wrapped her arms around them, whispering reassurance.

Small and pale, her dress hanging in bloody tatters, Mara stood over William's corpse. Her family was safe and she was finally, finally free. She had waited her entire life for this. She wanted to dance, she wanted to sing. She wanted to hug the children and pet Lizzy's pet panther.

_'Audrey, please stop crying. Go ahead, say hello to them.'_

Audrey cried aloud, clinging to Duke and Nathan. "I was so afraid for you, she was sure you were okay, but I wasn't and I couldn't help."

Nathan hushed her, rocking from side to side. The room filled with people and Audrey felt, as Mara lost control of the pain, the horrifying weakness in her bones.

_'Mara! Just relax, we're safe, you did it, they'll fix us and everything will be fine!'_

Mara took over, whispering, "The kids?"

Duke had his lips pressed to her head, tears streaming down his face, but Nathan answered. "Safe, Mara. Safe and well, and look, James is here. James is here and he wants to see you."

"I love you all. Tell him- that I love him."

Mara and Audrey fell, Nathan catching their body before it could hit the floor.


	54. You'd Better Hope and Pray

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is Stay by Shakespeare's Sister

 

* * *

The beeping woke her.

The stark white of a hospital, the burning stink of disinfectant and the irritating, continuous beep of the machine next to her. Her first instinct was to smack it like an alarm clock to shut it up, but when she tried, her left arm was immobile from shoulder to wrist, and even her fingers felt stiff.

Audrey's eyes felt like they weighed a thousand pounds, and everything was blurry when she blinked, but she slowly began to make out shapes. The outline of a door on her left. The cast that encased her arm from shoulder to hand.

She rolled her head to see two chairs next to her bed; Nathan and Duke, holding hands as they slept. Nathan was slumped forward, his head and shoulders on the bed next to her. She slowly ran her fingers through his hair and he immediately opened his eyes, looking panicked until he saw her looking at him.

"Audrey!" He took her hand, kissing it even as he shook Duke with his other hand. "She's awake, Duke! Audrey, how do you feel? Are you in pain? Do you need medication? They gave you a morphine drip, if you hit that button it will give you medication."

"Nathan, shh. Calm down. I'm right here, I'm okay. What happened?"

Duke rubbed her leg with cautious hands, and his voice was rough from crying or shouting. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Her eyes slipped closed as she thought. "Making sure you were okay, and Mara asking about the kids. Did I hear right, is James in Haven?"

Duke made a choking sound and Nathan squeezed his shoulder. "He's here, Audrey. He's been helping with the kids, and he comes here every day."

"Every day? How long has it been?" She was deeply unsettled. She'd assumed a few hours had passed, maybe a single day at the maximum.

"Seven days, Audrey. Right after Mara asked about the kids, she told us to tell them she loves them, and you fell. I caught you, and we got you here. Gloria and the doctors have been taking care of you."

"Seven days? What- what the hell was wrong with me? Why have I been out so long?"

"They had to do surgery on your arm, it was too badly broken to just cast. Your spleen was lacerated, there was a lot of internal bleeding, and they found a sub..." Nathan looked at Duke, who rubbed his face and spoke.

"A subdural hematoma. A head injury made you bleed into your brain. You're okay, Audrey, your body will heal, but you need time. There's a lot wrong with you." He looked like he was in terrible pain himself, and Audrey reached until he put his hand with hers and Nathan's.

"Duke, what's wrong, why do you look so upset? You just said I'll be okay. Are the kids okay?"

"Yeah, they're fine. Audrey- can you hear Mara?"

The question confused her, and she suddenly realized- _she couldn't hear Mara_. "She must be asleep. She did so much work, she worked so hard to save us. She's just tired."

Duke slumped in his seat, dejected, but kept hold of her hand. Nathan's voice was quiet.

"The pressure on your brain, Charlotte's talked to us- warned us- that it might have hurt Mara. Because of the way you two are connected, Charlotte thinks that the area of your brain that Mara lives in might have been too badly damaged."

Audrey scoffed, but she was suddenly afraid. "No. Mara's more than just a few inches of extra brain room. _She's not dead_. I would know! Mara wouldn't leave us!"

Nathan nodded, squeezing her hand. "You're probably right. But until she talks to someone- Charlotte says the longer Mara is unresponsive, the less likely she is to have survived."

"Well she's wrong! Charlotte had a lot of theories before, too, Nathan. She told us Mara was dead then. She told us Mara was a liar. She had a lot of theories and none of them were right. What does _Gloria_ say?"

Duke quirked a half-smile, and Audrey finally notice how pale he was, how haggard and gaunt. He obviously hadn't shaved since William had taken them.

"Gloria says Charlotte is a 'damned fool so stuck in her science books she has no idea how a soul works'. She says Mara didn't come all this way to die when she finally got free."

Audrey gripped his hand and gave him a fierce look. "Listen to Gloria. Mara did so much-" her voice caught and she had to clear her throat, "so much to save us, to protect me. She was amazing, brilliant- she knew exactly what to do and she was so strong, she never broke once, no matter how bad it got. Wait, what happened with William after we passed out?"

Duke rubbed his eyes, looking a little more hopeful. "He was dead when we got there. Gloria had his body cremated. Are you okay to tell us what happened? Only if you feel strong enough." He kissed her hand, holding it against his face.

Audrey was quiet for a moment. "If she was strong enough to do it, I'm strong enough to tell it. Your Aether came while William was... distracted. She touched him with it and he didn't even notice. But the Trouble she gave him, it kept him from hurting people- any people. When he tried to hit us, he would shake and his hand wouldn't connect. Let me see if I can show you. Mara's been teaching me, I'm sure I can do it."

_'Please, Mara. Please just be sleeping. You can't leave us, we need you.'_

Audrey focused, and the image finally rose over her hand. She didn't hold back, she showed them everything. She wanted them to see how strong their wife had been, how smart and brave. So she let every hit, every insult and every bit of indignity play, so they could see the power shift, see _their_ Mara emerge once she knew they were safe, that William couldn't touch them.

She was just as fascinated, seeing it from a different angle, and her chest felt tight with love and pride as Mara took her power back and killed William with his own rage. Audrey had been shielded from the pain, and it stunned her that Mara had worked so hard to protect _her_.

They watched through the end, until the men had arrived, and when she let the image end, all of them were crying.

"Audrey, I'm so-"

"Stop, Nathan. She protected me, I didn't feel anything. There was nothing you could have done- you guys are the reason we're alive. Duke, you got her the Aether, you turned everything around. You guys can't look at that and truly believe that some bleeding would kill her. She's exhausted, but she's alive. You heard her yourself, she's a Crocker. We just need to find the way to wake her up. Please, tell me how the kids are."

Nathan brushed her hair from her face. "They miss you guys. But Ren started taking the bottle when William died. Priya and Duo have been taking care of them when we're here."

"When can we go home? She's not going to want to wake up here, she hates hospitals."

"Parker, you had to have surgery on your spleen and your arm, they're going to want-"

"I don't care what they want, Nathan! We need to go _home_. We need to be with the kids. If we ask, maybe Gloria and Charlotte can just check us out at home. As long as Charlotte keeps her _theories_ to herself."

A familiar voice spoke from the doorway. "Sounds like she knows what she wants. You argue with her, she's just gonna find a way to get herself out anyway. I can take some time off, get some practice with a patient who has a pulse."

Gloria walked into the room and Audrey felt so grateful, she suddenly wanted to cry. This is what Mara needed. To be at home, in their safe place, surrounded with their family. This would help Mara. A few tears slipped down Audrey's face and she smiled, trying to reach for the doctor. Gloria came close and kissed her head, hugging gently.

"You scared the hell out of them. Not me, though. I know how tough you are. Takes a lot more than one unaging psychopath to keep my girls down."

"She's not dead, Gloria. I'd know if she was. You believe, right?"

"Of course I do. You'd know, those kids would know, and even though they're scared, these two knuckleheads you girls married would know. I'll go get your doctor, he'll want to check you out, make sure that drain is doing okay."

Audrey frowned. "What drain? Who's my doctor? I assumed Charlotte or you would be my doctor."

Gloria snorted, a smirk on her face. "Oh, she tried, trust me. Had a conniption fit they probably heard out in Bangor. But she came out here posing as CDC, and they weren't about to let a _research doctor_ do surgery in this hospital. It's her own damn fault, and I'm glad for it. You needed the best care possible, and her big brain doesn't make her a damn specialist in internal medicine. I'm smart enough to know when to let the specialists do their job. Tom George is your doctor. Took you on as a personal favor to me. For some reason, all the other doctors are afraid to work on my family.

"You've got a drain in your belly from the surgery they did on your spleen. It's stitched in so that it won't move, but you need the extra fluid to come out, not get stuck behind closed skin. We know you heal fast, so don't worry. Just stay put. I'll be right back." She kissed Audrey's head and headed out to get the doctor.

"Audrey, are you sure you're okay to be home?" Duke rubbed her ankle, his eyes concerned.

"I have to, Duke. I hate hospitals, and Mara will be so unhappy if she wakes up here. Please, I need to see the kids. I need Mara to wake up."

Duke nodded, but Audrey could see Nathan flinch from the corner of her eye.

It didn't matter. She'd wake Mara up and they'd heal together.

* * *

Dr. George came in 20 minutes later, the sound of the cheerful song he was whistling reaching the room before he did.

He was absolutely adorable, slim and handsome with silver hair. His face was kind, little laugh lines around his eyes. Audrey desperately wished Mara would wake up, and Audrey could almost hear her calling him a 'silver fox'.

"Audrey, it's so nice to see you awake! I feel like I already know you inside out." He winked at her and Audrey couldn't help but smile.

_'Mara, you have to wake up, you'll love this guy. I'll make sure Gloria lets us see him when you're up.'_

She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. "It's nice to officially meet you. Thank you for helping us." Nathan's hand squeezed around hers.

"So are you still eager to leave us? I play a mean game of pinochle, you know."

"Thank you, but we have two little ones at home who need us there. Please. I'll follow whatever rules you want to give me, just let me go home."

He sat on the edge of her bed, looking at her chart. Without even glancing up, he unbuttoned the sleeve of his dress shirt and pulled it and his lab coat up enough to show the Maze tattooed on his skin. He replaced his sleeve just as casually.

"I've been friends with Gloria for quite some time, Audrey. Please don't think she's just running around and spilling your secrets willy-nilly. She simply wanted me to understand how special you girls are to her, and it's good for me to know exactly how many patients I'm working on. There may have been a death threat or two involved, but in my opinion, if I haven't gotten at least two death threats a week, I'm not really needed.

"We've run every test in the book, and Gloria's told me about your concerns, and about what Dr. Cross has told your husbands." He closed the file and looked up to meet her eyes, his gaze kind and steady.

"In my professional opinion, in the presence of the miraculous, it's reasonable to expect more miracles. I don't see anything in your results that indicates any level of permanent damage. Not that there's any evidence that your wife only resides in your brain. Scientists are still trying to understand the human soul. Even trying to _prove the existence_ of the soul. As a father and grandfather, I see evidence of the soul every time I look into my children's eyes.

"I can't imagine how frightened you must be, but from what I've heard, Miss Mara is a survivor. My family Trouble has never been negative, you know. We have a congenital defect that appears randomly throughout my family. Babies born with malformed brains. Children who, if they even lived, would suffer severe mental disabilities. I was one of those children. The creator of the George family Trouble made it so that we could not only survive and function, but that we could _thrive_ even with different brains. Though I'm not altogether sure about that grandson of mine, and it sure didn't keep me from marrying my ex-wife." He winked at the joke.

Audrey could feel Duke and Nathan listening with the same fascination as she had, and Duke wiped his eye. Nathan's fingers wound around hers, his thumb stroking her knuckles.

"We never knew her name until Gloria told me, but it's thanks to Mara that I became a doctor. I wanted to help other people the way she helped my family. So if you ask me, a woman who can do a thing like that, who dedicated her time and sacrificed her own safety to care for families like mine, well, that woman would certainly find a way to hold onto her own family.

"Gloria has sworn she'll keep an eye on you, so I'm going to sign off on your release instead of making you leave against medical advice. Will you do something for me, though, if you don't mind?"

Audrey's voice was thick with tears when she answered, "Of course."

"When she wakes up and is feeling better, bring her to see me. Give me a chance to thank her, please."

"Thank you, Dr. George. I can't tell you how much that means to me- to all of us."

"Call me Tom. I'm writing you several prescriptions, and you need to promise me that you'll take them exactly as the note I'm writing says, not what the bottles say. Gloria told me about your tolerance for medication and your metabolism, but the pharmacy isn't going to understand that, so I'm going to be sending you home with extra that I got from the hospital pharmacy. Follow this paper.

"I'll come by and check on you probably once a day for a few days. If you have any questions or concerns, any pain that worries you, do not hesitate to call. That means you too, gentlemen. If anything at all worries you or just makes you curious, you call, day or night. My various numbers are on the paper. Remember, stress can make pain worse. You were badly injured, even if you discounted the spleen and arm. You need time to heal, so try to relax and have faith."

The doctor stood, and Duke and Nathan immediately stood to shake his hand. Duke held on a minute longer, looking seriously into the older man's eyes. "What you said about Mara getting better- did you honestly mean that?"

Tom leaned in, face very serious and put his free hand on Duke's shoulder. "Yes, I absolutely do, Duke. She has been around this long, saving people. I believe she will beat this. I've been in the Guard since I was 18 years old, and I'm one of the first to find out we had it all wrong- we weren't supposed to protect the Troubled or Haven from her, we were supposed to protect _her_. Mr Crocker, I believe in her, and I believe you do too. Now she needs to believe and come back home."

The doctor turned and walked out, and Audrey called Duke over, raising her right hand to touch his face. "I will bring her back, Duke. Trust me."

"I do trust you, Audrey. I love you. I'm so glad you're awake, I hope you know that."

"Of course I do, Duke. But I know you, and I know how much you miss her. I miss her too. It probably sounds crazy, but I'm with you guys and I still feel lonely."

Duke leaned over and kissed her lips very gently, then rested his forehead against hers. "I feel the same way, beautiful. But I'm thankful that we can be lonely together."

_'Come on, Mara, wake up. We need you.'_

* * *

It had taken over an hour to get Audrey unhooked from everything and sign the papers that would set her free, but Nathan was carrying her into the _Rouge,_ and as they cleared the doorway, Alec shouted, "Welcome home!" He practically vibrated with repressed excitement, and when Nathan turned to head for the bedroom, Audrey grunted a refusal.

"Couch. I can lie on the couch."

"Not this time. Gloria specifically told me what you are and are not allowed to do. You're to wear a nightgown or sleep shirt, something that doesn't have a hem pressing on your middle, and you're to lie in bed. We're supposed to rub your feet and legs several times a day to avoid blood clots. Remember, we agreed to her rules so you could come home." Alec and Duo rushed ahead, pulling down the blankets and fluffing her pillows so Nathan could set her down, and Duke went to get one of his t-shirts for her.

Alec put his arms around her shoulders very gently, kissing her cheek. "I missed you, Amma. I promised to be very good and help you get better. I helped take care of Ren while you were gone! I got to feed her a whole bunch of times."

Audrey returned his kiss, pressing her cheek against his and taking in the smell of him. "Thank you, Alec. Do you think you could go fill my water bottle while I get my clothes changed?"

"Yes, Amma! I will do a great job." The little boy nodded seriously as he took her bottle, and Duo put one hand on Alec's shoulder.

"I'll help him. We're all glad you're home." He leaned over and kissed her cheek, whispering, "Both of you."

Audrey smiled and nodded, and when they left to get her drink, Duke and Nathan helped her change into Duke's shirt, settling her into the bed. Duke lined up all her medication bottles and her cell phone on the nightstand for easy access.

They had just pulled the blankets up to cover her, pillows piled under her arm to keep it elevated, when her cell phone rang. Nathan tried to protest but Audrey answered, curious.

"Parker."

"Audrey! What's going on, the charge nurse said that you'd checked out! You can't do that, you need to be in the hospital, this is serious."

"Thank you for caring, but that's not happening. I need to be at home. I want to be home, and Mara needs to be home. If she wakes up in the hospital, she'll be terrified. She'll do better at home."

"Oh Audrey." Charlotte's voice was weary and sad. "I know you're upset and hurting, but Mara would want you to do what's best for yourself, you should be getting full-time care in the hospital. She wouldn't want you risking your life because you're grieving for her."

Audrey's temper flared immediately.

"That's _enough_. I appreciate your concern, but I'm not _grieving_ for her. I'm doing what I can to make sure she feels safe and comfortable when she wakes up. She worked hard to do the same for me while we were with William. She hates hospitals. We're perfectly safe and in good hands."

"Audrey, your intention is noble, but you were severely injured, you should be recuperating under a doctor's supervision. You're the patient here now, you need to be worrying about yourself, not Mara. I miss her too, Audrey, but-"

Audrey's voice changed from simply sharp to utterly venomous.

"I said that's _enough_. I know it's your automatic reaction to give up on your daughter, to just leave her for dead anytime she becomes less than useful to you, but _she isn't dead._ She suffered for me and I woke up first, that's all. And we _are_ under a doctor's care. Just because you're mad that it's not _you_ doesn't make the other doctors unqualified.

"If you're going to keep insisting the worst, don't come around here for awhile. The kids don't need to hear that kind of negativity- and neither for the guys or I, honestly. I won't be offended if you stay away until Mara wakes up. You weren't there, you have no idea what she did, how amazing she was when she saved us. I'm not going to let her down. We're staying _home_ with our family."

"Audrey, I-"

"I mean it, Charlotte. You gave up on her the first time William hurt her. Maybe if you hadn't, she wouldn't have gotten hurt this time. But if you can't drop the doom and gloom crap, then you need to keep it to yourself, because _this family_ is focusing on getting me and Mara well. You're welcome to visit when you can get on board, otherwise we'll let you know when she wakes up."

Audrey hung up, her hand shaking slightly from adrenaline and anger. Nathan stroked her hair, urging her to relax into the pillows. "It's okay. Duo will make sure to keep her out for now. Just relax."

"He's right." Duke came in with Alec and the boy set her water on the table while Duke came around to sit next to her other side. "You'll have to promise me that you'll replay that for Mara when she wakes up though, because I know she'll want to see it. Talk about an overdue conversation. Are you hungry? Can I get you anything?"

"I just want to be with you guys. Maybe you can help me get set up so I can nurse the baby?"

Nathan smiled and kissed her cheek. "Be happy to. After that, you need to take your medication and try to rest."

He changed Ren while Duke piled pillows around Audrey so she wouldn't have to strain to hold the baby, and both men helped Audrey get Ren latched, settled on a pillow against her casted left arm. Audrey took a deep, cleansing breath, her tense muscles relaxing as she stared down at their suckling daughter. Ren's left hand rested over Audrey's heart, and her shining silver eyes studied her mother attentively.

There was no distress in the infant's eyes, no hint of loss. Ren had proven to be powerfully gifted even when she was in the womb, and Audrey trusted her. "Ren," she whispered, "can you see Mama? Can you feel her? She's not talking, but I believe she's here. What do you think?"

Duke and Nathan held their breath, and Ren continued to stare into Audrey's eyes. She almost missed the flash of light hidden where Ren's hand pressed to Audrey's heart. She held her breath as Nathan gently took the tiny hand.

There on the baby's wrist the Maze had flared, the source of the light, and it glowed around the edges just as Mara and Audrey's wrist did.

Audrey laughed, the sound ending with a sob. Nathan and Duke both pressed close, resting their heads against Audrey's. She laughed softly even as tears ran down her face, and she saw the men's tears trickle down their cheeks.

"I told you, I told you she's coming back. She wouldn't leave us. She wouldn't leave the kids."

Duke's voice was rough and quiet. "Sometimes, I really like when you say, 'I told you so', did you know that? I know it's wrong, but every time Charlotte came into the room, I kind of wished those damn monkeys would sew her mouth shut. We'd just start getting evened out, feeling a little better, and she'd come back in again.

"You know, when you guys were missing, before Mara reached me, Charlotte just- all these people were running around doing things, trying to find ways to help, making plans, giving ideas, and all Charlotte would do was sit there crying, wailing about how she should have just listened to Mara. And she was right, but we tried to calm her down for awhile. It didn't help. Almost everyone tried, except for Vince and Dave. They just kept giving her dirty looks."

He chuckled a little, wiping his eyes.

"Then Gloria, she went over and told Charlotte that she'd never liked her and that she was wasting people's time and that she needed to just shut the hell up and start helping or Gloria would slap the shit out of her. And it worked. She stopped crying and then she and Jacob went to get Mara's dad. James came back with him, and he hasn't said a whole lot about it, but he was really angry. He didn't know a lot of what happened."

Nathan nodded agreement. "He's been spending a lot of time with the kids, and looking through Mara's sketch books and notes. He's spent a lot of time at the hospital with you, too. Since he got here, he's called me Dad, and he knows a lot more about Mara than I'd thought. He knew who she was and he calls her 'Mom'. It will be so good for her to get to talk to him. She was so hurt about finding he was with her father."

Audrey twisted her head to kiss each of them softly. The seven days asleep had allowed the cuts and bruises on her face to heal some, but she was still a mess. "When she wakes up, I'm going to encourage her to let you guys baby us a little. She needs it, and honestly, I do too."

They lay together for awhile, the men helping when Ren needed to be moved and Alec laying in Nathan's lap, telling stories about things he'd done during the week. When Ren was fed, Duke burped her and put her down to nap in her co-sleeper while Nathan took Audrey to the bathroom and then gave her the various medicines.

"Okay, you need to try and nap. Dr. Tom and Gloria insisted. We promised to play go fish with Alec. Look, I even got you a bell in case you need us, okay? Can you reach everything, do you need anything?" Duke fussed at her pillows and made sure the blanket was pulled high enough.

"No, Duke. I don't need anything. Just tired now. Maybe when we wake up, you could make some of your mushroom soup?"

His smile was dazzling. "It would be my pleasure. Ring the bell if you need anything, I mean it."

Audrey finally shooed them from the room and closed her eyes, the medication making her drowsy.

_'Mara, I know you're tired. I'm tired and you did all the work. But just wake up for a little bit, enough to show them you're alright. I miss you. We've been together so long, I don't know how to be apart. I need you. I'm scared, and I know the guys are, too. I love you. We all love you._

_'I can't wait to see the look on everyone's faces when you show Charlotte how strong you are. I yelled at her. It sounds like a lot of people have yelled at her. We need you to help keep the peace._

_'Get some rest, but please remember we're all here, all missing you. You're not alone anymore, we need you. You can sleep after you show everyone you're safe. Thank you for everything you did for me. You saved me, and you protected me. You were so strong and smart. I hate to ask more of you when I'm sure you just want to rest, but we need you. I love you, Mara. We all do.'_

Audrey kissed the fingers of her right hand and pressed them to her own cheek in a childish, hopeful gesture, and fell deeply asleep.


	55. I Only Want to Say...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is Gethsemane from Jesus Christ Superstar

 

Rustling.

Darkness.

A thousand different shades of green with thin, almost hidden streaks of brown every so often, like looking through a kaleidoscope.

Darkness.

The rustling sounded again, and a gentle breeze kissed her cheek. She blinked again and saw the green chaos above her settle into the bright leaves of a weeping willow swaying over her head.

Her head ached, so she didn't move as her eyes scanned her surroundings. She felt soft grass under her, the quivering branches dancing in the breeze and then a shock of long, white hair.

Oh, not _her_. Not today. She really couldn't catch a break.

She sighed and the body turned, hair moving to reveal a face. Her own face, but blank. No inner fire; there was no spirit in her expression, no emotion. She was a purely logical being, not ruled by anger or spite, love or hope, need or fear. There was no joy or wonder in her.

But she was here for a reason. Best to get it over with.

"Aram. Always a delight to see you. What can I do for you?" Her tone was dry but polite, and the white-haired being sat in the grass, observing her like she was a fascinating specimen.

"You're injured."

"A very astute observation. What was your first clue?"

The sarcasm was lost on her companion. "Your face was the first indicator of distress. You are many colors, none of which are your natural color, and your skin is torn or cut in several places. The rest of your body is much the same. Were you aware of this?"

"Yes, thank you. I am aware of my current physical condition."

"How did you sustain such injuries?"

"I was beaten repeatedly by a man who was larger and stronger than me."

"And what has become of this man?"

"He's dead. I killed him."

"So he was larger, but _not_ stronger, since you emerged victorious."

"I suppose, from your perspective, that is true. I was more clever and I was able to use Aether. I also had people on my side, while he was alone."

"How do you feel about this turn of events?"

"I feel just peachy, thanks. Everyone knows how much I love death and dismemberment."

"Was he dismembered? You failed to mention that."

Mara sighed. "No, he was not actually dismembered. He burned to death. I wasn't speaking literally. I was being facetious."

Aram tilted her head, the stark white hair hanging around her face. "Is there something about dismemberment that amuses you?"

"I'm a big fan of Monty Python, so yes, I do find certain aspects of dismemberment amusing."

"What was the name of the man who damaged you? The one who died?"

She breathed slowly, trying not to get cranky. "His name was William."

"So do you, or do you not, feel badly about his demise?"

"I do not. He would have killed more and more people, he would have killed me, if he had the chance, and he would have subjugated Aether and abused it, much like be abused me! He deserved what he got! I never forced him to be cruel, I never wanted him to hurt anyone! He killed _my child and my best friend_. He tried to kill my husbands and my other child. The only way to stop him was to kill him!"

"Then why are you crying, Mara?"

Her right hand flew to her face- she couldn't seem to move the left hand. Sure enough, her fingers were wet, tears tracking down her cheeks and into her hair where she lay reclined in the grass.

So that's why she was here with _her_. Just like the damned songs she always came back with, she was being taught a lesson.

Fine. She had nothing to fear. The only people who mattered already knew her darkest secrets and loved her anyway. _She had nothing to fear_.

"I'm crying because once, a long time ago, long before I ever met him, he was a beautiful child. He was like any child, full of promise, a great hope for the future. He was smart and he had the ability to seem kind and loving. I'm crying because maybe, under different circumstances, he could have grown to be a good man, a kind man, a man who could change the world for the better.

"I'm crying because I don't know if it was a broken political system and years of fear and oppression that made him evil or if it's possible that a child could be born evil. I don't want to think that a child could be born _bad_."

Aram didn't move or even react. She blinked, asking, "You say you do not _wish_ to believe it, but you do not say if you _do_ believe it. Do you believe a child can be born evil?"

She wanted to scoff or rage or wail about how wasteful this time and introspection were, that she had better things to do.

She didn't, though.

"I believe that children are born with a choice. A choice of how they wish to view the world. They can try to see the best in people, repeatedly choosing to do what is right even of the world accuses them of simply choosing what is easy or profitable. They can keep working to help the people around them even if it hurts them, even if the people they help will never know or appreciate the things that have been done for them. They can be good even if the world calls them bad or accuses them of terrible things.

"Or the same child in the same circumstances could choose to blame the world, even people they have never met, for their unfortunate circumstances. They can lie and cheat and steal to get things that they believe they deserve, while in truth they are undeserving. They can continue to find new people to blame or hate. They can choose to see only the worst.

"Whichever choice the child makes, how they see the world will determine how they interact with that world. One who chooses to see good will go on to do good works. One who chooses to see bad will go on to do evil."

"So what must you do to stop your crying, Mara? What would ease your heartache and your fear? What would make you embrace faith and love and feel peace again?"

No snarky reply this time, no huffing or disgruntled sighs.

"I must strive to teach others to see the good. I must help who I can to learn there is enough positivity in the world to more than make up for the negativity."

"And how do you do that?"

Her eyes closed, and her voice settled into a whisper. "I must make that choice myself. I must lead by example and choose to see the good in the world, I must be a force for positivity myself. I must teach those who look to me that there is no weakness in choosing to hope for the best, but neither is there shame in doing what you must do to _protect_ the good in the world when others seek to destroy it."

"What must you do, Mara?"

"I have to forgive myself. I did not make William the monster he became. In truth, he was already that monster when I met him, he just hid it well. He had already murdered his own family, convincing himself he did it out of mercy. He came to my town _looking_ for someone like me, someone he could use.

"I didn't make the Barn. I wasn't at fault for the sad history Audrey was given and I wasn't at fault for her creation. I know she worries about that- about being a creation and not a child. But children aren't chosen, they're given to us. And the fact that she _was_ chosen, was made exactly the way her creator wanted her, is a good thing. It's good to be planned and wanted. Her birth is no less real or special than my own. I can't feel guilty that she was created to punish me, when I love her so much as she is. Although she wouldn't have been created had I not existed, I did not force her creation, so I'm not responsible for all the unhappiness in her past."

"And what else must you do?"

"I must accept my own misdeeds and consider the circumstances, and I must determine if those were good actions or bad actions.

"The people I killed were terrible people- each of them would have gone on to hurt some poor innocent. But I didn't necessarily have to kill them. So I need to either seek absolution for my misdeeds or I must absolve myself."

"What is your determination?"

Mara stopped crying, her voice getting stronger. "That while I killed the people I killed for selfish reasons- I was frustrated, jealous, angry and frightened- by killing them I saved other lives. I will speak to my family and if they believe I should atone for those deeds, I will do so. But I am not the person to judge myself, because I do not see myself clearly."

Aram nodded, expression still vacant. "You know what you must do then. "

Looking up at the leaves, Mara said, "I won't be coming back. I want you to know this. You've been here a long time, and I don't want you waiting for me to come back or for Momma to use you as a template for another personality. There will be no more builds. I am free, the last person constructed on you- Audrey- is free. You won't see us again."

"And what do you think should happen to me, Mara?"

"I think you should be free as well. I think you should help guard people who pass into the Void unknowingly. Help them get safe passage through the Void. Send them to me, I will help them. But be free. You are not a slave to me or Momma or the Barn, not anymore. Choose to help people."

Aram finally smiled; a small half-smile, but still a smile. "Choose to help yourself, as well. I will send them to you if they come. Do not be afraid. I hear their voices and they love you. It is time for you to go now. Thank you for releasing me. I will lead you out. Should you ever have need of me, I will be in the Void. Choosing."

The wind whistled through the tree again, the noise taking on form, words that came from no voice surrounded Mara, lifting her and carrying her because she didn't have the strength to move herself.

 _"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage._ _*_ _"_

* * *

 

A deep, soothing voice reverberated through her chest, words hushed in the dimly lit room. She knew these words as she knew the voice which spoke them- they were a part of her, something that was familiar and beloved to every cell in her body.

" _Sleep, little pigeon, and fold your wings,—_

_Little blue pigeon with velvet eyes;_

_Sleep to the singing of mother-bird swinging—_

_Swinging the nest where her little one lies._

_Away out yonder I see a star,—_

_Silvery star with a tinkling song;_

_To the soft dew falling I hear it calling—_

_Calling and tinkling the night along._

_In through the window a moonbeam comes,—_

_Little gold moonbeam with misty wings;_

_All silently creeping, it asks, "Is he sleeping—_

_Sleeping and dreaming while mother sings?"_

_Up from the sea there floats the sob_

_Of the waves that are breaking upon the shore,_

_As though they were groaning in anguish, and moaning—_

_Bemoaning the ship that shall come no more._

_But sleep, little pigeon, and fold your wings,—_

_Little blue pigeon with mournful eyes;_

_Am I not singing?—see, I am swinging—_

_Swinging the nest where my darling lies."**_

The deep, soothing voice rumbled to a stop and Mara felt fingers in her hair.

"I used to read you that poem almost every night. It was the only thing that would put you to sleep."

Her voice was quiet and rough and her body left leaden, too heavy to move. She could feel the pain though, that pain was impossible to miss.

None of that mattered though, because he was here. Her son was here, sitting by her bedside and reading her poetry.

"I know, Mom. I remember." He was sitting on the bed next to her and he scooted down so they were face to face. She managed to bring her one mobile hand up, fingers tracing the shape of his brow, running through his silky hair.

"You look so much like your father. But you were tiny when I read that to you. I had less than three months with you."

James caught her hand and kissed it, the same shy smile that he shared with Nathan lighting up his face. "I know. But I remember. I remember you reading and singing, I remember you telling me stories. I remember when you said that that you asked nothing of me but that I remember you loved me. I'm so, so glad to see you awake."

He kissed her forehead and a tear slipped from her eye. "I missed you so much, James. I wanted to talk to you when you came but I couldn't get past Audrey, not like I could with Lucy. I would sooner have killed myself than you. Please, please know that."

"Mom, I know. I just- things were so confusing and Arla was there, looking just like she had before. I didn't know what was happening and I just got stupid. Fucking Arla. You warned me about her when I came to stay here. I was just stubborn and pigheaded and I was so mad at Dad. I'd never had a chance to talk to him about any of it but I'd been angry for so long and I knew, I understood that there was another personality, but that pissed me off even more. No offense to Audrey, of course, but back when we were together, when you were still playing Lucy, I really thought we'd be able to stop it. I hate that I failed you."

"No, James. You never failed me. You only ever made me proud. Frustrated, sometimes, like when I couldn't convince you that Haven wasn't safe for you, but even then I was proud. You wanted to help people. You stayed with me and kept my secrets and worked with me to help people. You have always, always made me proud. How long have you been here? I feel strange. Weak. Is everyone okay? Did they get William?"

"He was dead when we got there, but he's been cremated. He's gone. He'll never hurt you again."

"Cremated? How long have- James, how long have I been out? Is Audrey okay?"

"She's fine. She's just sleeping, the meds knock her out. It's you we've been afraid for. You guys were in the hospital for seven days, when Audrey finally woke up. She's been terrified, everyone has. We were afraid you'd been hurt." His face twisted in a grimace. " _Charlotte_ has been saying you were dead, that we couldn't keep fooling ourselves."

"Dead? Why did she think I was dead?"

"You had a cerebral hemorrhage. Your doctor- who isn't Charlotte, by the way, and Gloria is laughing like a madwoman about it- said there was no evidence of lasting damage, but when Audrey couldn't wake you up, everyone got really scared. Audrey's grown on me. She told Charlotte off and Duke's been making her replay the memory like every hour."

Mara laughed, even though it made the pain worse. "How bad are we hurt?"

"They had to do surgery on your arm and your stomach. I guess you had a lacerated spleen and your arm was majorly busted. Then there was the brain bleed and you've got minor fractures on several ribs and... well, basically you got beat half to death. But you should see the other guy." James winked and Mara chuckled, squeezing the hand that still held hers.

"Is everyone else okay? Are the kids alright? How long are you staying? Is..." she hesitated, looking at their hands twisted together, "is my father still here? Did he end up helping them?"

Mara didn't want to say anything to jeopardize their warm reunion, didn't want to accidentally insult the man her son had chosen to work with, but she was full of questions. James looked thoughtful, staying curled against Mara's side.

"The kids are fine, they're great. They've been trying to reassure the adults, I think. I wasn't here when it first happened, but I guess Audrey asked Ren if you were okay and Ren manifested the Maze on her wrist, just like yours. It's still there, she either doesn't know how to hide it or doesn't want to. Dad and Duke are looking a little rough, but nothing a hot shower and a few meals won't fix. Duke is taking it the hardest, because, well- it's Duke. That's what he does.

"Grandfather... he's in town, Vince and Dave are putting him up in one of their properties, but I think a lot of that is so they can watch him. Mom, I swear, I didn't know any of it. I had no idea he could have helped you. We were there and Duke was snarling at Grandfather about not touching the kids until you and Audrey were home to decide, and I was confused. Duke hadn't struck me as the kind of guy who'd just be a dick for no obvious reason. Dad, sure- I can totally see that. But Dad was trying to calm Duke down.

"Then Lizzy, tiny Lizzy pulls on my shirt all serious and starts whispering in my ear about how Grandfather just _left_ you, that the Barn and personalities would have stopped if he'd ever just told Charlotte the truth. She told me how grandfather had lied to me about not being able to help you and then he lied to them about not _knowing_ what was happening to you.

"I was so angry, I was yelling. I asked why the hell he didn't save you."

He shook his head, a disbelieving smile on his lips. "Then Gloria, she steps up all sweet and tells me it's nice to see me again, and she turned around and just _decked_ him. Mom, he almost fell on his ass! She started yelling at him and man, it's way worse than when I was with you before, she was tough then but now? I sure as hell don't want her mad at me. Grandfather just kind of... withered. And Jacob came to put his arm around Gloria- what's with that, by the way?- and he made this grand declaration that everyone would call me 'James' and they'd call Grandfather 'Cross' to remind them that he was a double-crossing dirtbag. I mean, he said it fancier, but the meaning was clear. You have to see it."

James took a deep breath and sighed.

"He ended up being no help, because you managed to tell Duke what you needed and by the time we got there William was dead. I didn't even get to talk to you. You made a joke about blisters and you just fell. So I've been here and Grandfather has been there. He came to the hospital to see you but everyone was so mad, we all agreed that maybe we should wait until you and Audrey were awake to deal with anything. But I thought a lot about everything, and Dad and Duke have been really helpful.

"Mom, if it's okay with you, I don't want to go back with him. Knowing everything, and seeing how things have changed here, I just want to come home. I want to help again, and I want to be with my family. But only if you want me to. I thought maybe Duke would rent me your old apartment. He told me what happened there, but with William dead, I think it would be good to take it back, erase the bad memories from it. Duke offered me a job, so did Dwight and the Teagues brothers. I have options."

Mara held her breath, eyes wide. "You want to stay? You want to have a relationship with us? And you're asking if I w _ant you to?_ James, of course I want you to!" She wanted to hug him, but she could barely move, and she growled in frustration, pulling his hand until he was close enough for her to kiss his face, pressing her cheek to his and letting the tears fall unchecked.

"I have never stopped wanting you with me, not since the moment I realized I was pregnant. Audrey felt the same way, even before she knew about me. Giving you up was the hardest thing I've ever done. You don't understand how very loved you are, baby. The thought of you staying here, of seeing you every day and being able to work with you... it's a dream come true. More than I could have ever asked for."

"Don't cry, Mama. I'm already going to get in trouble for not calling everyone in immediately, if you hurt yourself or have a setback because I made you cry, they'll probably have Gloria come kick my ass." He hugged her gently, very careful about where he touched her. She nodded, working to calm herself down.

"Stay. Stay with us. And you're right, I can't leave them worrying. If you'll call the guys in I'll see if I can wake Audrey up. Just buy us a few minutes so I can talk to her first, will you?"

"Of course." He stood and fixed her blanket, leaning to kiss her head again. "I'll try to get you a couple of minutes, but I'm not promising. I can't see their faces and not tell them."

"Understood, and thank you. I'm going to try and wake Audrey up."

James left the room and Mara immediately focused. _'Blondie, nap time is over. Wakey, wakey. I understand you have stories for me.'_

She could feel Audrey, groggy and confused as she began to stir.

_'Mara?'_

_'Unless you got a new roommate that I don't know about.'_

_'Mara! Oh my god, I knew, I knew you were alive! I kept telling everyone you just needed more sleep because you worked so hard, but Charlotte just kept... and we were so scared-'_

_'Audrey, calm down, please don't cry. I told you I wouldn't leave you unless you wanted me to. I'm sorry for scaring you, for scaring everyone. It's funny how much things have changed. That you worried about me being gone. When you think where we were a year ago... It's unbelievable.'_

_'I didn't know you then. None of us did. Are you okay?'_

_'I'm fine, Audrey. I'm good. I have things I want to talk to you and the boys about, but I'm fine. I talked to James, he says he wants to stay! I didn't expect that. He was reciting a poem I used to read him when he was a baby, before I had to give him up. I hear you told Momma off. I want to see that myself, if Duke is making you replay it anyway.'_

Audrey's voice was vicious. _'She just. Wouldn't. Stop. I tried being nice, and she kept pushing me to accept that you were gone and that I had to go back to the hospital, completely ignoring the fact that Gloria and Dr. Tom are both smart doctors and excellent people who understand what happened to our body better than Charlotte ever could. Every time she opened her mouth it was like she was saying you weren't strong enough to hold on, I wasn't smart enough to know if you were gone and that Gloria and Dr. Tom were too stupid to know their business. It pissed me off. I told her not to call again, that you could call her when you woke up.'_

Mara snickered, imagining it. _'You're fun when you're pissy. But now you know what I meant when we would talk about Momma. Yes, she messed up with the Barn and she should have listened to me, but I can forgive, move past it. But she tends to act like she's always the smartest person anywhere. It's what made her ignore me in the first place, she couldn't stand the idea that she could have missed me being in danger. She'd rather think I was a terrible person than that she just might have messed up. Are you okay?'_

_'I am now, absolutely. Well, I hurt, but with you not shielding me, I'm able to be careful and not cause more damage. Promise that we'll do this together, Mara. You took care of us when we were in danger. You took it all to protect me. He's gone now. Now it's time for us to take every step together.'_

Mara paused, and she finally whispered, _'I love you, Audrey.'_

_'I love you, Mara. More than I can say.'_

There were footsteps and James called out, "Audrey, I told the guys you wanted to talk to them."

_'That sneaky shit. He wants me to be able to surprise them. Best son ever.'_

Audrey laughed and Mara was careful not to look into Duke or Nathan's eyes as they settled on each side of her, checking her temperature and holding her fingers.

"What's going on, Parker? James said you needed to see us."

She kept her eyes down, staring at their fingers. "I was thinking about what happened in that basement, you know? And I think... I think I know the most important thing that was said, the thing that really sealed the fact that William was losing."

Duke moved her hair behind her ear, trying to be supportive. "What was it, Audrey? Out of all of that, what single thing could even stand out?"

She raised her face, but didn't look at them until she spoke. "It seems so small, but it meant everything. Just six little words."

She took a deep breath and repeated those words.

" _My name is Mara Lilith Crocker_." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Quote by Lao Tzu 
> 
> **Japanese Lullaby by Eugene Field


	56. Nobody's Baby Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back. Busy year, sorry. Death, birth, betrayal- you know how it is. My husband of 14 years died in February, and I'm trying to re-learn dating... which I apparently hate.
> 
> I had a set destination when this started, I truly did. But some stories.... they don't just end. None of our stories end, really. They just continue in a different fashion. So I'm not going to try and reign it in.

Mara met their eyes with a small smile and they froze, staring. Nathan gasped and Duke's head fell back as his muscles unknotted, and suddenly they were everywhere, touching and stroking.

"It's me, Duke. We're both okay. I'm so sorry I scared you."

"You didn't scare me. I knew you'd wake up when you were ready. I never had a doubt."

"Liar."

They all laughed and Alec ran in, squealing. "Mama! I knew it, I knew it! Ren started smiling and making her happy sound and I knew you were awake!" Nathan lifted him up so he could get close and kiss his mother, trying to hide his tears behind the little boy. Mara raised her right arm and helped him cuddle into her side.

"Oh, my big boy. I'm so proud of you for taking care of everyone for me. I'd have been so worried, but I knew you'd be taking care of them. Were you good to your sister?"

"Yes, Mama, and when I played Go Fish with Daddy and Abba I got a royal flush and won five dollars!"

She shot Duke a  _look_  and he blushed as he helped her sit up a bit, putting the pillows behind her back and under her arm to prop her up so James could put the baby on her, settling her into a pillow against her cast so Mara could touch Ren's tiny features. Every ache was a reminder that she was alive. Mara was alive, surrounded by her family- people who loved her despite (and occasionally because of) her flaws- and the nightmare named William was gone.

She was surrounded by her men and her children; one she thought she'd never live long enough to see, the other two she thought lost to her forever. She had made peace with James' father, something she had never thought possible, and they had found a way to love each other. James had forgiven them both and decided to stay with them, to embrace his family.

And Audrey was with her. Audrey had looked past everything- their history, Mara's behavior, the oddity of their relationship- and not only made room for Mara to live, but had given her love.

Nathan's voice touched her ears at the same moment his hand touched her face. "Mara, why are you crying? Are you in pain? Do you need something?"

"No, no. Sorry. I'm happy. I was listening to Alec's story and I'm really, really happy. We did it. You guys said we would, but I didn't believe. He's dead. He had us at every disadvantage and we  _won_. The look on his face when he saw my handprint- did Audrey show you?"

Duke nodded. "She showed us everything."

Mara went still and tense. "Everything?"

Nathan's voice was emphatic, it brooked no room for argument. "Yes, everything. And she was right to. We're a family, your hurt is ours. You can't keep things from us because you're afraid of upsetting us. She wanted us to see how amazing you were, how strong and brave and smart, and how you protected her. She wanted us to feel the same pride she feels."

"Nate is right. We can't hold things back just because we're afraid it might embarrass us or make us look bad. Not that you did. You looked really good, honestly, but that's not the point. We have to be totally honest, even with the hard things.

"There's something I've been thinking about since you first told us your history. You try to hide things like that because you're afraid we'll treat you differently or it will make us uncomfortable, right?"

Duke waited her out, just staring silently and holding her hand until she finally nodded.

"Mara, here's the thing. When he touched you, that's all it was. Skin touching skin. Skin washes, it's a barrier to protect more important things. When we're together, our souls touch. Our hearts connect. We stop being separate sacks of skin and become something different, something  _better_. He only touched your skin, baby. He's never touched your soul."

"And skin washes." Mara took a breath, nodding minutely.

"Exactly. And while we can talk about what happened anytime you need or want to, what you were talking about- what you were celebrating- was the look on his face when he saw your handprint. Because when you touched his skin that time, you left a real mark. You know, I got a big head when you were bragging about me."

He smiled at her and she stared at the little lines surrounding his eyes, enjoying a spreading warmth that had nothing to do with the medication. Nathan laughed and reached over to poke Duke's arm, and Audrey's voice was amused.

_'He's not kidding. He looked like he'd just won the lottery, he was practically preening. Even though he was scared he got that little smirk- the one you love so much.'_

_'Oh, and you don't? You love bad-boy Duke every bit as much as you like upstanding citizen Duke, you just don't like to admit it.'_

Audrey didn't bother arguing.

"Well, you're worth bragging about. Both of you. All of you. I wouldn't have gotten out of that without every single one of you. So, I hear there's been a lot of drama while I was sleeping? My mother again, who'd have anticipated that? Oh, I know- I would have." She smiled, shaking her head. "Just for that, I'll talk to her last."

Gentle, temperate Nathan actually  _scowled_. "Now that you're awake and it's not so terrifying, I can see how much damage she was doing. She was tearing us apart. I might understand if she'd just been saying she was afraid, but she was trying to convince us you were gone, trying to force us to believe what she believed. I really don't know how I feel about her right now. I don't know how to forgive that. If it had just been me it would be one thing, but she was hurting Duke so much... I'm not sure I can forgive her for how much she hurt him and Audrey."

Duke nodded, rubbing her knuckles. "Or for not believing in you. For still not understanding or appreciating how strong you are. I understand if you want to see your mom, but it might not be a bad thing to take a little break from her for a while. We'll do whatever you want though."

' _I think they're right. I wouldn't mind putting her in time out myself, but it's your call. You know we'll support you no matter what.'_

Mara chuckled quietly. "I never thought I'd see the day when you guys would be hoping that  _I'd_  give you a break from Momma. Honestly, if she was trying that hard to make you let go of me, she can have her time pretending I'm gone. I'd still like to be able to see Dwight, but both my parents should be dealt with, I guess. I'm honestly surprised Daddy is still here. I can't imagine what we would have to say to each other now."

Duke's jaw clenched and Nathan shook his head. "He tried coming to see you in the hospital. He wanted to look at your chart. Everyone was there and Gloria started to say something and Duke's eyes went silver again- I thought he was going to throw your dad across the room- but it was Jacob who stopped it. He just stepped over and lifted your father by the back of his shirt, pulled the chart away and said he'd already warned him about using you for research. Never even raised his voice."

Duke chuckled. "I really was about to hit him. But Jacob has been wanting to get a shot at your dad for a long time. It was fair. I thought he might roll up the chart and smack your dad on the nose with it, but he didn't."

"I'll call him at some point. I have nothing to say though. I keep thinking that I'll talk to them when I figure out what to say, but there's nothing there. So maybe I'll just let them say what they need to so he can leave and Momma can do her thing. Do you think I'll be able to see Dwight and Lizzy if I don't want to see Momma?"

Nathan nodded, squeezing her fingers. "They've been to visit even when we had Charlotte stay out. He'll understand."

Duke was about to say something when Duo's voice rang out. "Door! Want me to get it?"

"Who is it?" Nathan asked.

"Gloria and Jacob. I was hoping it'd be Charlotte, I really wanted to throw someone out." He sounded so disappointed that Mara laughed.

"Let her in. If my mother shows up, you can always throw her out."

Duo's voice was slightly mollified. "Okay. As long as you promise. I'm glad you're awake, I really missed you."

He led the couple in, stopping to kiss Mara's head. She grabbed his hand and held him there, looking at him very seriously. "Thank you for everything you do for us, Duo. I can't tell you how much you mean to us. I love you. We all love you, and I'm grateful that you chose to stay… to accept us as family and let us love you."

He blushed, but finally met her eyes with a small, shy smile. "Nowhere else I'd rather be. I'll text Dave and let him tell everyone the good news."

She let go of him and he took a seat at the foot of the bed next to James, who had Alec cuddled up in his lap. Gloria stepped up and brushed Mara's hair back, Jacob at her side. "I told all of them, I said you were just fine." The doctor took a deep breath and her eyes glistened with unshed tears. "Thank you for not making me a liar. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. I'm good. Sorry for scaring everyone. I had a stop to make before I could come home."

Everyone looked perplexed, and Jacob took her hand. "What do you mean?"

Mara looked around and sighed. "There's a... I don't really know what to call her. She's not exactly a girl, but I don't want to call her a spirit. An entity, I guess. She lives in the Void. Momma made her when she built the Barn. She's me, but without emotions. Momma used her like a mannequin, she built each personality on this entity. I've always called her Aram. She wanted to talk to me, so when I first woke up, I was with her.

"It's happened before. If I'm not processing something well, or if I need to learn some kind of lesson, she'll stop and make me talk to her. I haven't always been very nice about it. It's not her fault, but I've been angry for so long and she was the only one I could take it out on."

Nathan kissed her head, stroking her cheek. "What did she say?"

Mara held up her hand and let the conversation play so Audrey could see it too, not bothering to try and hide any of it. Secrets hadn't helped her much, but when she'd decided to be honest with Audrey, Nathan and Duke Mara's life had improved dramatically. She trusted Jacob and Gloria.

"So... what does it mean?" Nathan asked.

She studied Ren's delicate features, running her index finger over the wispy eyebrows. "It means I'm sad. Sad for the boy he could have been. I can't look at the face of a child- innocent and pure- and understand how they could become a monster. It means I don't know how to get past my own behavior. The people I killed. That I feel guilty.

"You know, for a minute down there I thought I could help William. I thought I could  _fix_  him. I kept remembering how it was with you guys in the beginning, what you thought about me, and it made me think that just maybe, William was salvageable. He wasn't, though. I just wish I could understand."

James shook his head slowly. "Don't try to, Mama. Trying to understand crazy just makes you crazy yourself, isn't that what you always told me?" He turned more to sit cross-legged at the foot of the bed facing her.

She chuckled quietly, Ren's hand fisted tight around Mara's finger. "I suppose I did."

Jacob cleared his throat, and when Mara looked up he was rubbing Gloria's back while the doctor stared at the floor. "Remember what I said, Glory. Nobody is going to blame you. Please trust me."

The hair on Mara's neck stood up as she took note of Gloria's expression- the doctor looked sick and unhappy, hunched as though she shouldered a heavy burden. Their stomach sank, trying to imagine what could put that look on Gloria's face. Breath shallow, Mara kept her voice gentle. "Gloria, please. Don't… don't be afraid. I'll never hurt you, and I know you'd never hurt us. What is it that has you so upset?"

They could see Gloria swallow and she straightened, though her shoulders were still bent. "I was going through your chart- as a family member, I was kept out of the loop on a lot of things until Tom took over. It hadn't occurred to me to triple check the records from before you were taken to surgery." She came and sat on the bed next to Mara's hip and Mara reached out to hold her hand- it was cold and she could feel a slight tremor in the doctor's fingers.

"What is it, Gloria? You can tell us anything. Please, how can I make you feel better?"

Now even Duke and Nathan looked frightened- seeing Gloria near tears was beyond rare, it almost always meant death.

"You were evaluated by the emergency department before you were moved into surgery, before Tom took your case. That's where they ran your rape kit. In cases like this, the hospital abides by the wishes of the emergency contact unless you have a standing order on file. Unless your medical proxy refuses it, you're given emergency contraception. Your file… it doesn't specify who, but it does say that a doctor cancelled the order for emergency contraception." Gloria scrubbed her hands over her face and Mara stilled as the words sunk in.

"But… we were admitted as Audrey, and Nathan is her emergency contact. I know Nathan wouldn't allow that."

Nathan was shaking his head, but before he could voice a denial, Gloria spoke. "I know, we all know that. The order came directly from a doctor, and it wasn't me."

"You mean… someone… wanted me to get pregnant?" She felt queasy, the words from the basement circling around her head, mocking her.

_I want another son._

_We're inevitable, Mara._

_You have no children, you never will._

_You have no legacy and you have left no lasting marks on the world._

_You're utterly forgettable._

_You don't get the prize, William._

"Fucking Charlotte!" Duke was red, seething with rage, but Audrey and Mara were still and silent. Something didn't add up.

Audrey's voice carried the same weary, disgusted-yet-unsurprised note that Mara felt.  _'I've been thinking, trying to make sense of something William said down in that basement. He said he knew the devastation you could wreak with a single touch. I keep coming back to that, because… how? He had never seen you harm anyone. Mara… he knew what you were capable of before even you knew._ '

She didn't respond verbally, but Audrey could feel her, feel her brain spinning and trying to make sense of it. There was fear in that silence, and the fear morphed into a worse feeling, something that felt sickly and wrong.

' _Dread,'_ Mara whispered.  _'Dread is the feeling. Fear requires a level of ignorance. You fear what you don't understand. Dread is the feeling you get when you know without doubt that whatever you're thinking about will hurt you. That it's sworn to hurt you.'_ Her voice was hushed and strained, and Audrey was overcome with a fierce protectiveness. Mara's fear- her  _dread_ \- made Audrey furious. They had been through enough, and she was beyond sick of people trying to hurt Mara.

Her voice was sharp and dangerous when she spoke, dark enough that it gave Mara a momentary chill.  _'We're going to tear them to shreds. They have no right- not to hurt you, not to hurt our family. Not to use you. You are a person, I love you and if they want to hurt you?'_ Audrey's tone suddenly held a smile that seemed utterly deadly.  _'They'll have to get through me, and I'm tired of playing nice. These assholes made us what we are today- their abuse, their lies and petty manipulations created this monster… it's time for them to reap what they sowed.'_

Their voice was even- they were just too damned  _tired_  to get worked up. "I don't think so, Duke. My mother is known at that hospital, there's no reason they wouldn't have documented her name. No, not Charlotte.  _Daddy_."

Nathan and James both jolted at that, their hands fisting as they met each other's eyes. Mara continued before they could speak. "But they don't know. They don't know because I never told. William… he's not connected to Alec biologically."

Aside from Gloria, they all turned questioning eyes on her and she shrugged a little, uncomfortable and almost ashamed. "We didn't bother saying anything because it didn't make a difference. We had just gotten Nathan to see how much Garland loved him, how the biology was meaningless. Making a big deal out of this after that… it felt hypocritical. When we brought them back, specifically when you helped him when he was crashing, you somehow  _changed_  Alec, you altered his biology to take William out and replace him with you two. You made Alec all of ours. He has none of William's DNA in him anymore."

Nathan's eyes went soft as he stroked his fingers down her throat, and his voice was teary and hushed. "You… you let a miracle pass in silence to prove that you already considered Alec ours?"

She looked at him from under her lashes and nodded with a tiny shrug. "Not to  _prove_  it, that sounds wrong, but because… because to us he already  _was_  yours and he always has been. We just hadn't found you yet. Nathan- Audrey and I both  _chose_  you and Duke. We choose you again every single day, and we've always known that Duke has abilities we don't even fully understand. The change in Alec's biology, while it's wonderous and an amazing blessing, isn't what makes you two his fathers. Audrey and I already knew we belonged with you and I think the universe has confirmed it over and over. That change didn't make him your son, your choices made him your son. We just felt that focusing on the DNA almost… in a way it felt like harping on the science cheapened the most meaningful aspect. We didn't intend to lie or hide anything maliciously."

Duo stood and took Alec's hand. "Oh man, it's way past your lunch time, bud. You know Priya always forgets to eat if you don't remind her. Why don't I take you upstairs and you guys can eat." He dropped his voice conspiratorially and stage-whispered, "there's probably gonna be  _kissing_  and you don't want to sit around and watch that."

Alec gave a little pout, his brows drawn down in the sternest expression he could manage. "That's not the kissing-faces, that's the worried faces. I wanna help, I won't get in the way. If someone is trying to hurt our family then I should get to help too!" He turned pleading eyes on his parents. "I know you think you can't tell me stuff 'cause I'm just a kid, but I've been here too, you just couldn't see me. Please, please can I stay?"

They all looked at each other for a moment before Mara sighed. "Baby, please don't think we're discounting your ability. You're as strong as any of us- stronger, even. We just don't want you hurting. We want to be able to protect you."

Alec met her eyes squarely, and his face was shadowed with sorrow. "Mama, I had to watch you hurting for hundreds and hundreds of years. I've seen lots of bad things that I couldn't help with at all 'cause nobody could hear me. I don't wanna feel like a ghost again. Please, Mama. I just want to help."

' _Oh god, Mara- he's right. He's a six-year-old who's been here watching you for centuries. His insight is just as valid as any of ours. When it comes down to it he's older than I am. He should have a choice in this.'_

They wiped away a tear and finally nodded. "Okay, you're right. You can stay, but you have to promise that if we tell you that you need to go, you will."

"I promise," he nodded solemnly, climbing back into James' lap.

Duke and Nathan leaned in a bit to touch their foreheads to hers, and it was a moment before any of them were sure they could speak without tears.

"I get why you didn't say anything, I do," Duke murmured, "but I don't understand what… I mean, no matter who his bio-dad is, what the hell is the point of this? Why would your father- or anyone else- want to do something like this? What is he trying to accomplish?"

Mara chewed her lip for a minute, trying to make the pieces fit, and her gaze darted repeatedly to Alec. "I don't know. Not yet, at least. Alec is special and wonderful, but he's so young- we don't know what kind of abilities he'll develop as he grows, and none of the things we've seen him do so far are that rare. I know Aether responds to him, it always has, but I don't know if he's able to give Gifts. There must be something that Daddy's looking for that he believes a half-human child can't provide. My father doesn't know what you are, he thinks you're a normal human. Trying to force me to conceive another full-blooded Omni… Daddy obviously knows something we don't."

Audrey scoffed, taking control without missing a beat. "Nothing new there. We're always working with half the relevant information. We're going to find out, though. We have to talk to him some time, we already knew that- I think we need to act like we don't have any idea about this when we finally talk to him. If he feels secure, like he's gotten away with it, he'll be less guarded and that will give us the chance to find out what the hell is really going on. This is clearly about more than just William."

Duke was already shaking his head in incredulity, eyes wide. "You want us to talk to that man and pretend we don't  _know_? Audrey, you know me, I don't have that kind of control-"

"Yes, you do," she cut him off insistently. "I know you're angry, we're all angry. But Duke, I know you can do this-  _we_  can do this. You know how a con works and when it's about protecting your family you've probably got more self-control than all the rest of us put together. Don't short change yourself, Duke. We're going to have to see him, and we may not know what the hell  _he_  is or what's motivating him, but I know exactly what  _we_  are. We're protecting our family, we're stronger and smarter than him and he knows nothing at all about us. We have to learn what this is all about so we know how to fight it."

Audrey stared intently into Duke's dark eyes, not a trace of doubt on her face, and Duke finally nodded, exhaling loudly. "Okay. You're right, I know we need more information, I just-"

She tugged him closer to kiss him and quirked a half-smile. "You just want to break his face, I know. So do I, more than I can even express. But if we want the chance to do that, we've got to play smart. We already know we're stronger, but we absolutely have to know what we're fighting first. We all need to lean on each other, that's how we keep control."

"I hate even having to ask this, but how long before we know if…" Nathan grimaced, but touched a gentle had to their stomach.

Mara exhaled loudly. "Seven days comatose, another what, three between Audrey waking and me waking? If I was in peak condition I could scan now, but between the subdural hematoma and blood loss I wouldn't trust myself for at least another three days. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Audrey cut in. "Either way, it doesn't change the important part- we need to understand why he  _wants_  this. Remove the possibility of an actual baby from the equation for right now; we need to figure out what  _about_  this particular baby he's looking for. Focus, guys."

Nathan's brow was furrowed, his "investigating" face on. "When he first came onto the boat, when Jacob and Charlotte brought him over, the very first thing out of his mouth was asking how you learned to bring the dead back. It was kind of shocking, honestly, but before he said another word Duke forbade him to interact with the kids and the question kind of got lost in the chaos. Things happened so fast after that and none of us have really spoken to him since, except for that single confrontation at the hospital. Seems a whole lot less about  _your_  abilities than it is about Alec's. The only thing your dad could hope to gain by stopping the prophylaxis is a full-blood sibling to Alec- at least as far as  _he_  knows. Can you think of anything at all that Alec might have displayed back then that he'd want?"

"That's what I'm trying to understand. I never pushed, never really tested to see what abilities Alec had because I wanted him to develop naturally. I didn't want him to have a childhood like mine. He's shown aptitude for several things- telepathy, heightened empathy- pretty much everything I can do. I can't think of anything he's expressed so far that I can't do, though."

"More to it than that, Mama," James mused. "When I arrived on the other world it was almost… almost like a cab or a delivery. There was no real waiting around or confusion. It felt more like being delivered to his door than just getting lost on the subway, if that makes sense. Like he expected me. I never really knew anything about him but he absolutely knew who I was. When I was living there he played it off like you'd told him about me. I mean, hell, he straight told me that the Barn died and you were free, that's half the reason I stayed there. I believed that you knew where I was and that you wanted that life for me, that you wanted me to make my way in that world. He made it sound like you'd arranged this fresh start for me because of what happened with Arla and my life on this world ending. That's why it was such a gut-punch when Lizzy told me that he'd been lying to me and that he'd left you. "

The girls focused intently on James, sitting up a bit more. "We haven't had a chance to talk about this, so please stop me if it starts feeling like an interrogation, but you probably know more about him and who he is now than any of us. You said he knew who you were- how did you end up with him, exactly?"

James wrapped Alec tighter in his arms, resting his chin on his brother's soft curls. "After all the ruckus when I met Audrey and we went back into the Barn, it was like… like a whole different place. I mean, you all know I lived there a long time, and mom knows how the passage of time feels there." He spread his hands and shrugged, addressing the entire room. "Unless you've spent time there it's hard to understand, but when you guys talk about the Barn it sounds like you believe time just zooms by. That's not the case at all. It was what, 27 years? But that time period after I was first killed and moved felt so much longer, more like a hundred years, like a lifetime.

"I wasn't with Mom, I know that- no matter how far I wandered or how hard I looked something kept us apart. I had my own area, set up kind of like an apartment. I could study- there was this enormous library with books on… well, everything. If I could imagine it, there was a book about it. The Barn is  _vast._ There were times when I tried getting to Mom; I could leave my space and start walking the corridors, but I never found the edge, you know? Even walking for days, it just kept going and eventually I'd get frustrated and the next doorway would bring me right back to my space. I just wanted to be able to talk to her. I missed her and our separation was so abrupt, I didn't know what the hell had happened. I didn't know if she was okay. Even now my memories from just before I went into the Barn are fuzzy and jumbled, like a dream you can't quite grasp when you wake up, but I  _know_  I didn't get that overwhelming paranoia until we came back to Haven. When we were in the Barn it didn't occur to me even once that she'd hurt me. I'm not even sure I believed I'd died."

He squinted, chewing his lip as he searched his memories. "After I met Audrey though, when I went back in… I can't even picture it as the same place. It hadn't been long but my space was gone and I wasn't free to roam around. It was like being in a sterile, bright cube that wasn't a place to stay; it was a transport from point A to point B. It had no feel of being lasting. I can't figure out how to describe it, the closest I can explain is like those outer space movies- like the Barn was a giant spaceship that you could live on, but the second time was like… like an escape pod. A vehicle that might have been attached to the Barn at some point but split off and specifically headed for a set destination."

Duo's head shot up, eyes slightly unfocused. "Uh, guys? This whole, 'Operation: Out-Lie the Liar' gig? I think that's gonna get tested sooner rather than later. They just pulled up to the dock. Dwight and Lizzy are right behind them."


	57. Pulling the Strings

Pulling the Strings

 

“I can stop them,” Duo offered. “Do you want me to stop them? Maybe I can buy time, get them to come back tomorrow or like- never? Does never work for you guys? I know a lot of great places to hide bodies. Theoretically, of course.”

Everyone in the room was fidgeting or moving or cursing under their breath. Mara took a deep breath, raised her head and spoke firmly. “No, we need to see them. But make it look like you’re trying to keep them out. They’ll be on guard if they feel welcomed, so let them think we’re on the defensive. Remember, _we don’t know anything._ You guys are mad at Charlotte for her behavior. That’s all, got it?”

Though there was a lot of disgruntled muttering, everyone nodded and arranged themselves around the room, trying to look natural. Mara beckoned Alec to her, running her fingers through his hair. “Remember how you promised you’d go stay with Priya when I said it was time? It’s time now. You and Ren need to stay up above with Priya and Aaron, and I’ll send Lizzy up too. Will you do this for me, baby?”

Alec’s chin quivered. “Mama, is Poppa James a bad guy?”

“I don’t know yet, baby. He might be. We’re going to find out. But you need to let us do this part, okay? I promise if there’s a way you can help I will send Duo for you. Trust us.”

He wrapped his arms around her neck, sniffling into her hair for a moment, then Alec kissed her cheek and Duo took his hand. “I’ll have Lizzy stay up above with Priya and the other kids. Is there anything else you need me to do before I let them in?”

_‘Mara, do you think we should have him call for Vince and Dave? Is this something the Guardians need to be here for?’_

Already exhausted, Mara groaned, _‘I honestly have no idea. Tempers are already thin enough and we don’t even know what we’re dealing with. Maybe we should just wait for now. If things get out of hand we can call for them.’_

_‘Aside from the obvious, something just seems… wrong. I have a bad feeling.’_

They shivered and shook their head at Duo. “No, nothing we can think of. Just be careful, okay?”

He led Alec out of the room and after what felt like endless silence they heard commotion overhead before Dwight walked in, clearly irritated, his hands already raised in an apologetic gesture. He quickly kissed the girls on the cheek.

“I’m so sorry, I’ve been trying to calm her down and give you some time, but that guy-“ he pinched the bridge of his nose and grunted. “Sorry, I know he’s your father but Charlotte is like totally different person around him. I expected it to be awkward, but this is a whole different level. There is no reasoning with them, none.”

_‘I didn’t even think about what poor Dwight would be going through,’_ Audrey murmured guiltily.

_‘It’s more than just relationship stress, Audrey. Can you feel it? It’s like a static charge around him- the Aether is upset, his gift is active. He’s wired from too much adrenaline.’_

_‘But he only activates in the presence of a threat.’_

_‘Exactly. So the Aether is viewing one or both of my parents as a threat. It’s overloaded his response, he won’t even know if something serious is about to happen.’_

_‘Is there anything we can do to help him?’_

Mara’s response was slow and thoughtful. _‘No, because I’m so weak. The same reason I can’t scan myself right now. But Audrey… maybe that’s the point.’_

_‘That’s why they’re pushing so hard to see us right now, because we’re weaker than usual. They’re trying to hide something.’_

“Dwight, don’t apologize. You haven’t done anything wrong. I’m sorry they’re driving you crazy.” Mara grabbed his hand and looked at him seriously. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for us.”

He quirked a little smile and rubbed the back of his neck, blushing. He didn’t seem to notice the slight tremor in his hands. “It’s what family does.”

They chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, it is.”

There wasn’t time to say more- Cross strode into the room like he owned the place, Charlotte on his heels while Duo continued to mutter protests.

"Stop, Duo. Let them be, the sooner I deal with them, the sooner it's over for everyone. I'm okay, don't let it get to you, please." She reached out to take his hand and squeezed, letting him feel her love and the absolute faith and trust she felt for him. He exhaled loudly and nodded, retreating to stand protectively by her head. Duke and Nathan were tight against her, one on each side, staring with clenched jaws as Cross and Charlotte approached the bed.

The tension was so thick it felt like a physical weight on them. Audrey's anger felt like fire in Mara's chest, and she thought again how strange it was that _they_ would be the ones wanting a break from her parents.

Life was perverse and the universe had a sick sense of humor. If they were going to get the answers they wanted, Audrey and Mara needed to work more closely than they ever had before.

"You're here. I'm listening. Say what you need to, because right now you're just upsetting my family."

The older man cleared his throat and smiled. "Thank you for seeing us, sweetheart. How are you feeling?" Charlotte hung her head at his side, quiet and clearly uncomfortable.

Mara looked at her father, studying him. In her memories, he'd always looked strong and tall; the strongest, smartest man in the world. She had worshipped him. The man in front of her looked so different. She remembered once thinking that Nathan reminded her of her father, but faced with him now she couldn't see any similarities at all. This man didn't hold a candle to brave, steadfast, _good_ Nathan. Her carefully crafted lies drifted away as she stared- she didn’t have to _pretend_ that this was a stranger, someone she knew nothing about. In that moment it felt like seeing James Cross for the first time.

"You know, it’s funny,” Mara mused, “I believed for all those years that Momma had kept you away from me, that you _couldn't_ help me. I know now that's not the case, but I never really considered the fact that you knew William would come after me. But you did, you had to know. I was caged and essentially blinded, totally unable to defend myself. Unable to defend _Audrey_. You didn't risk your career to save me, you saved me because it was a challenge. A puzzle. You wanted to prove you could, and it never had anything to do with love. It had nothing to do with me. I couldn't see it before, I believed you loved me. Of course, I had no experience with actual love, so I couldn't see the difference until now."

Words from the basement circled her head again. William; furious and tormented. Her voice was a distracted murmur as she repeated his words. “ _It was never about something as simple as love.”_

Oh, how had she been so wrong? Her father was nothing like Nathan, but he’d certainly resembled another man in her life. Goosebumps rose on her skin and in a quiet, surprised tone she concluded, "You're no better than William."

Cross looked like she'd slapped him.

She shook her head slightly, lost in her own thoughts. Though she felt Audrey there supporting her, she couldn’t hear her- couldn’t hear anything but the words she’d kept locked in the deepest part of her mind, away from even Audrey. It seemed that they were unwilling to stay caged a moment longer- the words flew from Mara’s mouth without any forethought at all.

"Momma, I've been thinking about a lot of things. I understand your reasoning for the Barn. You thought I was doing something I wasn't. Even the people here in this room originally felt it was justified. There's one thing though, that nobody thinks about. Something I remembered during my talk with Aram.

"You had the technology to overwrite my memories, to make my brain work differently. You admit that I wasn't born mean. You were wrong anyway, but even if you had been right your belief was that I was Troubling people out of cruelty, because I was angry, is that right?"

Mara stared intently at her mother, waiting.

"Yes. I believed that you were at fault but I know what happened now. I've told you how sorry I am, I'm trying to do better." Charlotte looked completely earnest, and Mara nodded.

"You have apologized, and you've done a lot to make things better, nobody can deny that. It's been really nice, feeling like I have a mother. Feeling loved. The issue that nobody discusses, though- You had access to tech that could alter the mind. If I had been hurting people, if I was angry and cruel and dangerous, why didn't you ever try to use that technology to try to _fix me_?

“You put me in the Barn to punish me, and to make me atone for what I did to Haven. You yourself have said that I was a perfect child right up until the Barn. If that had been true, as a doctor wouldn’t you be the first to want to use your memory-alteration work _therapeutically_? Why, if I was so good and suddenly so bad, did you never try to _ask me_ what was wrong and try to protect me? You had everything you needed to figure out what was wrong with me- if something had _been_ wrong with me- and you had the ability to remove the impulse for negative behavior, to heal the trauma that was making me "act out" in the first place, without _erasing me_. You never tried to heal me, when you were convinced there was something wrong enough that I would torture an entire town. You simply erased and imprisoned me."

Not looking away from her mother, searching every tiny muscle twitch, Mara tried to make herself _see_ the truth.

“Why did you do these things when you could have used that technology to help me, even if you had to verify my story? There was time to _see_ if I was lying, but you- you came here with your mind made up, with the Barn created and Byron Howard already bound to it. It was _never_ your intention to help me.” As hard as she looked, as quickly as her brain went through possible scenarios, the cold, horrible truth was there, just waiting to be spoken aloud. Her muscles went lax and she slumped against the pillows, the bodies against her giving her enough strength to keep her head up and speak the words. 

“ _You wanted me in that cage_.”

There was dead silence as that settled in; a fact that nobody had discussed, something so _obvious_ that nobody had even considered it.

Nobody but Charlotte.

“You didn’t just write new personalities over me, you fractured my psyche. You broke my mind into pieces so that I would know and suffer, but the personalities, they were all still me from when I was _innocent_ and you hurt and scared them, too. You _wanted_ me afraid.

 “Lesson number one,” Mara and Audrey intoned together, remembering their first, guarded conversation, “Never trust Momma.” They wound together tightly again, seeing more than they had before, marking the immense potential they had only started to really understand.

Besides her parents, most of the faces around the room wore similar expressions; stunned, grief-stricken, sick and horrified, but one was very different.

Gloria was _furious_. The doctor looked up at Charlotte and in a tight, precise voice, asked, "Is that true?"

"I- it's not that... it sounds different than... that isn't what I was trying-" she stammered, twisting her hands together and avoiding eye contact.

"It's a yes or no question. Did you try _anything_ before you built that Barn and started this?"

Charlotte looked at Dwight for support, but his face was closed off, a slight tightening around his eyes. He wanted to hear this answer. Cross stood silent and expressionless as well, and Charlotte rubbed her temples.

"No, I didn't try anything else. I got the reports, made a decision and had the Barn built. It was a way to keep anyone else from getting hurt and it made Mara work to fix the damage she did. It wasn't an easy decision, but I did the best I could!"

Nathan and Duke had frozen, but that finally broke Nathan free and he lurched to his feet, hands fisted at his sides and his face red. He snarled, "You could have _talked to her_. You just... you threw her into centuries of torture, and the Barn was already built when you came here! She told you what had happened. You refused to believe and you put Mara in that Barn immediately, so you had already planned this 'punishment' before you came."

Duke's hand tightened on Mara's as he glared at her mother. "You had no intention of letting her go free. You were going to put her in the Barn no matter what."

Nathan started to take a step and Gloria moved between him and Mara's mother to intercept him. "Stop. We all know you don't hit women." She turned around and her hand cracked loudly against Charlotte’s face. "I don't have that problem though."

“Two for two,” Duo hissed under his breath with a little celebratory air-punch.

_'We should probably stop this, Audrey.'_ Mara spoke reluctantly, still watching the show.

_'What? Why? Hell no, I want to see this! Why didn't you talk to me about this? I never even thought about it, but if they could program you to think you were other people it would have to be easier to do therapy or fix whatever was making you "mean". So why all of this?'_

_'I didn't say anything because it didn’t matter. It was over and everyone was getting along. There was no point in me rocking the boat.'_

_'That’s not true. I know you still have nightmares and I've seen you have panic attacks. It's not over for you! A year of freedom is not enough to heal from centuries of imprisonment! I wish I had thought about this, because- she planned it. Why? What was the point? What did she get out of it?'_

_'You'd have to ask her.'_

Charlotte had a hand to her jaw, and she wasn't meeting anyone's eyes. "I had numerous reports, corroborated. I had no reason not to believe them. I was wrong, but if anyone had just told me-"

James stood, standing rigid with his hands in fists at his sides and in that moment, his resemblance to Nathan was uncanny.

"Stop! Just stop… fucking… talking. _Mom_ told you! Excuses and justifications, are you even capable of saying anything else?"

Cross cut in, imperious and brusque. "James, you're being disrespectful to your grandmother. That's enough."

James cut the older man a scathing glance. "Respect is earned. She's not my grandmother and you're not my grandfather. Those titles would imply that you were my mother's parents. You don't _deserve_ those titles. Charlotte accused mom of lying and tortured her for centuries, and you could have saved her but you chose not to. That's not parenting!

"Do you know what a real parent does? Do you? When Mom had me, she had to give birth alone, knowing that she couldn't even stay to raise me because of that godforsaken Barn. She loved me, she wanted me, but she had to give me up because of you two! She still found me the best possible home she could, she was more worried about protecting me than she was about protecting herself. She loved me just as much when she got put here as Lucy. _I_ was obsessed with finding a way to get her free from the Barn, but she was still more worried about me than herself."

He rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair, the air around him alive with the force of his anger. Mara and Audrey just stared in fascination.

"When I died, she got me to the Barn, just desperate to save me. And when it did save me and I got back, I accused her- Audrey was dominant, but to me it was still Mom- of killing me herself! But she was still only worried about me, trying to help me, trying to save me from my wife, who she'd even warned me about. After everything Mom and Audrey went through, then they find out that I'm alive and okay, but I'm working with _you_ , the man who abandoned her and let her be tortured for centuries. Did she send me a message begging me to come back or telling me not to trust you? No, she swallowed it because she figured at least I was safe. She cried herself sick over it, because that's when she realized you'd just _left_ her."

At Mara's surprised, questioning look, James softened his tone. "Dad told me, and I'm glad he did. I needed to hear it. You're always too worried about my happiness to tell me when you're hurt. I needed to know."

"Amen to that." Duke wrapped his arm around her waist, glaring at her parents.

"All of that, and it was still Dad and Duke who had to tell me. When she woke up, she was trying so hard not to say anything bad about you, because she didn't want to make me mad. You should have seen her face when I said I wanted to stay here. She's so afraid of wanting anything for herself that she doesn't know how to handle it when something good happens. And _that_ is the legacy you left your daughter. You made her feel worthless, you made her afraid. And you tell me to show my _grandparents_ some respect?

"You lied to me, Cross. You told me you didn't know any of it. It's really telling that Lizzy, a child, had to be the one to tell me. The fact that _that bitch_ ," James pointed at Charlotte, "came here already planning to put mom in that thing no matter what was said or done is just the last nail in the coffin for me. I don't know what the hell you and Charlotte are, but you're not family to _any_ of us. I don't trust you and I don’t like you. I'd love to know what the hell she wanted mom locked up and silenced for, but since she seems incapable of honesty, I'm not asking."

Cross was silent, watching James with a sharp, obsessive stare that made Mara’s skin crawl.

A voice piped up from the corner- Lizzy leaned against the doorway, arms crossed and her lovely face serious. She didn’t mumble or blush, there was no hint of the shy child they’d grown so used to. This was the _other_ side of Lizzy, the side that had seen the world through the eyes of the dead. This was more than just a child, this was a girl brought back to life by Aether and forces even Mara could only begin to understand.

“ _I am become death, destroyer of worlds._ ” She sauntered calmly into the room, her eyes trained on Mara’s parents. “Charlotte created the weapon, certainly, but she is not the one who deployed it. You’re peering under the wrong rock.” She stared unblinking at Cross, whose eyes widened perceptibly as he noticed the child. Her gaze was so dark it gave Mara a chill and her voice held an authority beyond her years- probably even beyond Mara’s years- when she continued, “Ask her _who corroborated the reports.”_

Mara’s eyes darted from Lizzy to Charlotte, who was standing silently a few inches behind Cross, shoulders hunched and posture subservient. _Frightened_.

Dismayed, Mara paused and went over everything she could remember, the disparate pieces falling into place. A thousand tiny mysteries that seemed unrelated but _weren’t_. “No. Oh please, no.”

Rage and sorrow like she had never known built inside her as the pieces started falling into place. That single question that Mara had never even asked- who would or could have told Charlotte _anything_? None of the townsfolk had known how to navigate the Void and Byron Howard had been the man who reported to the council on Haven’s progress, but he didn’t answer to Charlotte and he would never have lied so egregiously.

That question was the answer to _everything_.

 


	58. Where Your Demons Hide

Where Your Demons Hide

 

 “You… Byron didn’t volunteer to be my handler, did he? You trapped him because you knew he’d speak for me. He knew too much.”

Still searching for reasons for Charlotte’s actions, Audrey had a memory- the first thing Mara had willingly shared with her, the day William had waltzed into Mara’s life. She recalled the covetous obsession that had clouded William’s eyes after Mara had struck him with her Aether-stained hand; the same look Cross kept giving James, and Audrey’s memory became a sickening realization.

Mara felt Audrey’s thought the moment it hit, and her voice rang out, carried on a wave of sheer power- the Aether in and around them sparking with the heat of her rage. “Dear Gods, it was you. It was _all_ you.”

Heads around the room turned to look at Mara, but her eyes didn’t leave her father. White-hot fury had crept in and wrapped around her bones, anger more overwhelming than she’d ever felt in her life. “You’re the one who killed my son. That’s why you cancelled the emergency contraception. You wanted me to get pregnant, you were _experimenting_.”

Duo and Lizzy were staring at each other, but the buzz of fury that gripped Mara kept her deaf to their exchange. It was Audrey who was able to snap to clarity first.

It was like time had stopped; everyone was still as statues around her, and she saw a dust mote in the light of the lamp- and it _wasn’t moving._

Sensation was even more unfathomable. She sensed her body- where her skin touched bed, flesh, cast- but while she was aware that pain existed there, she couldn’t truly _feel_ it. She couldn’t even hazard a guess at the temperature and with a terrified start, she realized that this was what Nathan had lived- not for moments, but for months, for years. Yet he had loved her so much that he fought to keep her from the Barn, he had been willing to forgo sensation _forever_ just to keep her with him. The very thought made her panic, but though she was aware of the emotion, not feeling the physical response made it all so much _worse_.

Audrey was so beside herself that she didn’t hear it at all at first. It took a loud, commanding, “Parker!” in his very best Nathan-voice to get Audrey’s attention. But her eyes hadn’t blinked, she could still see Duo from the corner of her eye and she knew he wasn’t moving either.

Terrified and immobile, Audrey thought, “I’m dying.”

“You are not dying, Audrey, you need to just take a second. Try to relax. We’re communicating through… uh… well, we don’t really have a name for it. Mara always says, “through the Aether” but, no offense, that always sounded kind of lame to me. I mean, that’s what we _are_. If you want to get deep, that’s what _everything_ is, just Aether given form and purpose. I mean, everything has purpose, when you’re one of us, and it’s weird to think about, but every speck of dirt makes up the world. It’s like that whole ‘ _tis the greater for this’ said the sparrow as he pissed in the sea_ thing. Every speck matters.”

As she listened, without her even realizing it, the panic receded and though she was certainly afraid, she could think. “And I’m in hell.”

Duo laughed heartily, and suddenly there _was_ sensation… kind of. It was a trail of glowing bronze dots, and when it brushed close enough Audrey could hear him more clearly. She became aware of other colors, and suddenly it was like looking through a kaleidoscope or into a jar of marbles- it went on forever, this black space interspersed with glowing trails of every color that crossed and parted and new colors branched off of.

“Whoa, whoa, walk before you run, little Skywalker.” Duo’s trail tightened, pulling her back before the panic could take her again. “My fault, sometimes if we don’t focus hard and get too close we can’t always shut up. I imagine it’s what Duke usually feels like.”

She could sense something that she translated as a smile, and her laugh bubbled up. “Okay, that last bit is the first time I’ve really heard you sound like Nathan.”

There was a sound or sensation that made Audrey think of suction, and with what looked like a bit of effort, a portion of the glowing bronze dots took the form and color of Duo. He shook his limbs out for a minute before pointing at the trail at _her_ feet- or where her feet would have been if she had a body- a strange mix of sapphire and crimson dots that wound together. She looked back and saw the trail directly behind was a 50/50 split of blue and red side by side, behind which the blue and red zigged and zagged and clashed in hectic jumbles, though the few times they met and traveled together they formed a lovely deep purple. Behind that, she saw with a thought that she translated to nausea, there was only the crimson light, occasionally obscured by a foul coating that looked like an oil slick.

“Oh my god, that film… that’s the personalities, isn’t it?”

Duo didn’t have to ask for elaboration; even if he hadn’t been so close he knew her well enough. “Yeah, it is.”

“It’s awful, it looks so… wrong. It looks sick in every sense of the word. Was it killing her?”

“We’ve done what we could to keep that from happening, but it might have, if not for you.”

“What do you mean, I didn’t do anything. I was just another punishment.”

Duo’s smile was gentle, but even that baby-face had crinkles at the corners of his eyes, he was trying so hard not to laugh. “Oh man, Audrey, you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever known, but- and I guess this is what makes people so interesting- you can be so obtuse sometimes.” He made Duke’s _eh, little bit_ face and wiggled his hand at her. “You were never just another punishment. Never. You’re what was… Uh, what’s the word… no, that’s not… hang on, I’ll get it…”

“Spit it _out_ , Duo.” Amusement crept into Audrey’s tone and she felt what must have been her light smiling.

“Hey, say what you will about my methods, but they work, don’t they? Okay, okay, before you start trying to learn to hit before you learn to make hands. You’re intended. More than that, maybe, an answered prayer. We don’t much think about religion here, we leave that to you guys. Solids. We’re way too busy to care where we came from, we want to see where we are and what’s ahead. The past is old news. However, _this time_ the past is relevant to the present and thus, the future.”

He gestured grandly, bowing with a wide grin. “M’lady, if you would kindly accompany me?”

Audrey hesitated, learning to focus between her physical eyes and this _other_ sight as she looked between Duo and the people in the bedroom. “I can’t leave her, we have to fix this, I have to-“

“Audrey, give a guy some credit. I know how to set a scene, okay? This will wait, look, the dust isn’t moving, and I am telling you- I would not _ever_ leave her undefended. None of us would. Even at her lowest we were there, and we will always be there. But right now, that can just pause for a minute. Please, trust me.”

Audrey glanced at the room again, then reluctantly pulled back, back to the black and the glowing trails and Duo in jeans and a Scorpions t-shirt, standing solid on his own trail of shining bronze. “Can you teach me to do that?”

Duo dropped his head back and sighed, hands in his pockets. He spoke like a child forced to recite lines. “Yes Audrey, I can teach you to do this and I will teach you to do this, now will you listen?”

“Sometimes it’s really hard believing that you came from Nathan.”

“Yeah, well, he has a good memory.”

Audrey paused, her voice guarded as she thought about just what he might have seen before Nathan was cured. “How good?”

“Aw, come on! You guys already had this talk with Nathan and Duke! Now what was it you said? Lemme think… I think it was, ‘Don’t be embarrassed, it’s not like he’s going to tell your secrets, he doesn’t care, you’re being silly, everyone knows adults have sex, when a mommy and a daddy really love each other…”

“Fine, I get it I’m just… adjusting. But oh, dear god if you don’t show me how to make a body I am going to _lose it_ because I cannot freaking _shudder_ like this.” She only knew how to deal with momentary disgust or gross-outs by shivering, shaking them out. This inability to release an emotion physically was worse than pain, it was like having ants throughout her body, crawling under the skin.

“Alright, alright!” Duo’s voice went up defensively and he held his hands up for a moment as though to fend her off. “So, we’ll have the longer class later, how about I just help this time, okay? This might seem a little… weird.”

Duo grimaced and Audrey said, “What do you mean, we-“ when he quickly reached into her trail and, with a _feeling_ like boiling water dousing her body, pulled his hands out, a soaked, shuddering Audrey-body in his arms. She dimly noted that their trails were touching side by side, but faint dots of bronze mixed into the blue just inches behind her.

Just like that, mid-word, Audrey had a body and sensation again, but she suddenly didn’t want it. The air felt glacial and after that initial flash-burn her soaked skin was so covered with goose bumps it _hurt_. She gripped hard onto Duo, who held her, rubbed her arms and whispered soothing platitudes to her. “It’s okay, Audrey, it’ll pass. This is mental, just remember, it’s not cold. It may seem new and scary, but Audrey, this is where you’re from. This is where you come from, it’s home. You just don’t remember. It’s not like the Void, nothing here will hurt you.”

From nowhere he produced a warm blanket and wrapped it around her, handing her a towel for her face. There were clothes draped over his arm and as she warmed, starting to test at the edges of _this_ new body, she gave him an incredulous look. “You said we’re between, like dreams, right?”

Duo furrowed his brow and frowned. “Technically I didn’t say that. I said it had no real name, but how about for today we call it… around. _In the Aether_ sounds like the name of a head shop or a Grateful Dead cover band.”

“But is it like dreams?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, you’re non-corporeal in an extra-dimensional setting, so… yeah, like dreams.”

Audrey’s voice dripped sarcasm. “Then I can make myself clothes.” She breathed out, remembering all her lessons, and she blinked. When her eyes opened, she was dry and warm, wearing a pair of slacks and a familiar button-up… the same clothes she’d put on after she woke on Duke’s boat, the first day she saw his smiling face.

Duo smirked, one hand to his mouth. “Then you can’t blame me for that. Audrey Parker, your Freudian slip is showing.”

Audrey blushed magenta. “Shut up. It’s clothes, you’ve just got a dirty mind. I’m assuming we’re here for a reason instead of down there where, you know, the family is _imploding_?” She pointed down and stomped her foot, then looked down for the first time.

_Her feet were on a blue trail_. She looked back in panic and saw the red trail that had been with her for so long was stopped, but not still- it was vibrating like it was trapped, like it couldn’t move… like it was _overwhelmed_.

“Oh god, what’s wrong with her?” She started to run back and Duo grabbed her arm.

“You cannot travel the trail back. Come on. You can’t work from the past- Solids believe time is linear, so all your… _our_ streets are one-way. You can’t act from the past, Audrey, you have to act from the present. It’s just like home, Audrey. Come on. Look at me, Parker.”

Audrey stopped, closed her eyes and breathed. When she looked back at Duo, she was calm and centered, her gaze steely and determined. “We act from the present. I got it. I can’t help her if I’m losing it.”

Duo grinned and hugged her, and Audrey heard him sniffle a little. “Excellent job. I’m proud of you. You just… you’re everything.”

She hugged him back, but said, “I don’t understand, Duo. I mean, I think I get some of it- time is paused, we’re having some mental discussion. Mara looks like that because she’s freaking out. Why are our trails different?”

He straightened and stretched his shoulders with a blush. “Okay, first of all, time isn’t paused- we’re just outside of it temporarily. This discussion is, while not physical, more than mental. That’s semantics, I guess. But your trails are different because you’re different souls. Different spirits. You’re here with me right now because things are just… man, fuckery is afoot at the Circle K, okay? There is some seriously not-kosher shit going on here and we need Mara on-side like, _now_. I swear I wouldn’t crash course you like this Audrey, you know I wouldn’t, but they came to me and I can’t do this alone. I need your help, please.”

His teaching tone turned pleading, and he held one of her hands in both of his. Audrey would have done _anything_ to take the pain from his eyes, and he had said they were outside time… Audrey nodded and her jaw set seriously. “Name it. What do I do?”

“Okay, just- look, this is kind of like the world’s worst game of telephone, I’m getting things through like five people, but I didn’t want to overwhelm you more than necessary, so I came to you alone. From what we’re getting though, Mara’s dad started working almost entirely on _Aether_ when she was cured. It wasn’t just a last-ditch effort to save a dying kid- or, well, it may have started that way. But then he saw what she could do.”

Audrey was relieved to see that even with her trail diverged from the source, she still had her normal mental acuity. “Her father is the one who taught her to gift in the first place. For Nathan’s ancestor.”

Duo nodded. “More than that, Audrey. _Me_. I am that same person, that same Aether. In a way, I guess I’m all of the Hansens.”

“You’ve seen… everything. Duo, oh my god! You’ve just… you’ve seen everything, lived through all these lives. Why didn’t I think about that? You didn’t just inherit those memories, you lived them.”

Duo shrugged and nodded. “We all come from away. I’m a branch from a long line just like you and everyone else. But time isn’t linear to Aether. It’s a Solid concept.”

“Wait, did you steal the name “Solid” from a Star Trek show?”

He blew a raspberry and scoffed. “I just said time isn’t linear. That show stole from _me_. That was totally my word first, just like Tofurkey, I invented that. I mean, not that I’m proud or anything, it’s not the tastiest thing ever but the dude who got the patent is like a kazillionaire now.”

“Okay, okay, sorry. Why the hell is it so hard to keep focus here?” Audrey tugged at her hair and started trying various methods to focus herself. “This is worse than the time I tried pot in college.”

“Because we’re _around_. We can hear all the other trails. This is where you guys go when you view the Paths. Because time is different and thought is more solid here, harder to resist. Sorry, I’ll try to keep us on track. So yeah, I lived in all the Hansens. I don’t care much about that, except for how the memories change me. But that’s not the point, the point is that once James Cross saw what happened to Mara and what she could do, what kind of power she could create, his overriding impulse was how to wield that power himself.”

“Power corrupts,” Audrey murmured.

“And absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Duo nodded.

“Do you know what he did?”

“Not entirely. The man himself only has a small amount of Aether in him, and whatever the hell he’s done to himself trying to augment that has rendered it…. There is no subtle way to say this. It’s poisoned; used up and angry and just _wrong_. It’s worse than William’s was.”

“Can you show me?”

Duo pursed his lips and nodded, and then they were looking at the room again, but this time it was almost like the bodies were transparent. There was glimmering golden fire burning in each of them, though they all had distinct levels.

“Okay, since you’re genetically the same as Mara, you see it like she does. Not everyone sees the same color, and people without the ability to _use_ Aether can’t see it at all. Now look at your own body- see how you’re almost all Aether? That’s because you and Mara are the Wellspring, the one who can give or plant us.

“Now look at say… Gloria. What do you see?”

Audrey squinted and her voice was perplexed. “It looks like a single firefly in a jar! I don’t understand.”

“Gloria comes from a family cured by a Crocker. We’re a living organism, so I guess you could liken it to a virus. Once we’ve been in a body and left, there’s still that sign that we were there. Now, Dave has a lot more than Gloria but nowhere near as much as you and he looks a little… jagged around the edges. That’s because he’s… oh, maybe that was a bad place to start, let’s circle back to that. But the Guardians have more than most Gifted people, and Gifted people have more than the others. Now Audrey, look at Charlotte.”

Audrey shook her head. There was Aether there, but it seemed somehow wrong- jittering and pressed down together in the farthest corner of Charlotte’s body from Cross.

“It’s terrified of him.”

“It is. And it wasn’t like that before Mara went into the Barn. What else do you see?”

Audrey looked at Cross and put a hand to her mouth, suddenly nauseous. “It’s…. the Aether inside Mara’s dad, it’s _wrong_.” A tear dripped down her face. “What the hell did he do?”

Duo shook his head and sighed. “I wish I knew. That’s the thing; it’s pretty decent at showing images, but trying to communicate beyond that…. Tricky at best. It’s like a gorilla who knows sign language. What we’ve gotten is that he was trying to make himself like Mara. Most of this had to have happened after the exile, because we’d have sensed it before. We can’t communicate on totally separate dimensions. Void is one thing, but between worlds? You have to travel for that. But that alone leads to other questions.”

“She was his ace in the hole. She said it herself, when we were with William- after the exile, when it became public, Mara was famous. She’s in the history and science books. He was counting on her to protect him if he got caught, and she did.”

“Exactly what we were thinking, which led to another issue- his discovery had to become public if he was going to get that notoriety. Publishing himself would be all kinds of risky, like asking to get arrested.”

Slowly, Audrey nodded, picking up Duo’s thought. “But getting arrested for being the heroic dad who risked it all to save his daughter gave him a level of protection. The publicity alone would help protect him. I never asked how many died in the pandemic, but it had to have been catastrophic. All those people who lost loved ones, they’d support him.”

Duo pointed at her and nodded, picking up momentum. “Now see, that leads to a whole bunch of other stuff but riddle me this: _How the hell would Lizzy know?_ ”

Audrey stopped and stood stock-still, considering the question before she looked for the Aether, testing herself. She had to know how her mind functioned independently. “She wouldn’t. Like Alec and Jacob, she stayed here, she didn’t go on.” She opened her eyes to look at Lizzy and gasped.

The girl glowed bright gold, and Audrey had to shield her eyes to be able to see the Aether itself. “She- why does she have so much? Why is she so _bright?”_

“Exactly!” Duo jumped and pumped his fist in the air. “You are a _stellar_ student, one day you’ll be teaching this class, I swear. Okay, right, focus! Anyway, the Aether thing I already understood- bringing them back changed them, their bodies are like mine or yours now, like there’s Aether holding the cells together and if the Aether went away then the cells would fall apart and blow away. That’s what was happening to you when you were split from Mara. It wasn’t just degeneration, you were literally falling apart and fading away.  So, I’d expect to see those kinds of levels- I mean, if you think that’s a lot you should look at Ren or Alec- sorry, focus. But the whole shiny, glowing, ‘bright light, bright light’ thing is what’s thrown us. It wasn’t _there_ before, Audrey! It didn’t show up until like… a minute before she started talking! She was up above with Priya and the kids, then suddenly she turned and walked away, came to the bedroom. By then she was lit up like this.”

Duo ran his hands through his hair, leaning in. “Audrey, I think either somehow Lizzy has developed a gift we don’t know about or something is hitching a ride on her.”

She looked at Duo like he was insane. “You mean possessed? You think Dwight’s daughter is going to spew pea soup?”

Duo groaned and dropped his head back. “Back to the back of the class. I don’t mean possessed, not like you mean. But that Aether in Mara’s dad is _dying_. What does most every living thing try to do before it dies?”

Audrey met his eyes, her own widening. “Reproduce!”

“Yes! I love you! Exactly, it tries to reproduce, and if it’s been abused, it tries to exact justice. Lizzy is like a perfect storm; a direct descendent of the first Paladins, she was killed because of a Trouble, she lived with the dead and was brought back by circumstances that just… I mean, the chances were beyond astronomical. Nobody could have predicted that the Wellspring would even _find_ a god, much less wed and work with one! Damn, they should try the lottery.”

Audrey rolled her eyes. “Duo, focus.”

“Shit, sorry. My point is, what if the Aether in Cross, in one last shot, threw its… essence, if you will… into the body of the only suitable being? High enough Aether-level, enough life experience to understand the nuance of good and bad, young enough to be malleable still. It ignited whatever gift Lizzy had and… changed it somehow. Audrey, I don’t even know what she could do now.”

Audrey exhaled slowly, staring at the bodies as she thought.

“So, in theory, Lizzy could know everything that Mara’s father did since he got Aether in his body?”

Duo nodded somberly. “Exactly.”

“Well, why didn’t she just say everything? Why is she being cryptic and telling us to ask questions?”

Duo bobbed his head from side to side and made a face. “Sometimes we get these ideas, and they kind of transmute into laws. I mean, you’re only bound by law as long as people believe in it, right? Like religion. But while we don’t much involve ourselves in religion, you’ll find most everyone clings to _something_. So ‘law’ is our wubby.”

Audrey stopped him, her hand up. “Wubby?”

“Safety blanket, you know what I mean.”

“So… was it Nathan or Duke who called it ‘Wubby’?”

“Parker, please remember our previous discussion about my memory before you try to get me to out the guys.”

“Sorry! Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt, go ahead.” Audrey pursed her lips tightly and her cheeks flamed.

“Anyway, law. So, a lot of us have this kind of…” his face twisted in distaste. “I personally find it kind of stupid but I guess it makes sense if you’ve never gotten personally involved with a Solid. They refuse to intervene directly. They refuse to act like a Solid. So, they _waste a bunch of time and energy_ ,” he shouted the words into the colors around him, “trying to force people to ask the right questions and trying to steer them toward the truth. I guess this lot were too low on life to be subtle about it, so they programmed in the questions and cheated.”

“If you think about it, it’s true,” Audrey nodded for a long moment before shouting to the colors as well, “ _that is stupid and needlessly painful!_ ”

Duo chuckled softly and Audrey quieted down, talking only to him again. “So how do we help Mara from here, how can you invoke law between dimensions, how much did Charlotte know and can we do anything to help that sick Aether?”

He just stared at her for a second. “Yeah, precisely why I called for help.” He rolled his eyes at her and Audrey swatted his arm. “No, seriously, I can get you linked to Mara, but you have to talk her down, you have to get her present again. I haven’t been able to make her hear me. None of us have, she’s too crazed. Once you get her calmed down… we’re gonna have to think of something together and agree. I don’t know how to punish- I mean, there’s not a human jail that will keep them forever and Cross was already tried for illegal experimentation. I don’t know what to do, we’ll have to decide together.”

“Have you talked to Duke about it? Maybe he can help us.”

Duo shook his head, grimacing. “I went to you first.”

She looked at him suspiciously. “I’m not discounting my abilities here, but be real- we all know Duke has a hold over Mara that is kind of unmatched. It seems odd that you’d go straight to me when you already know how to talk to Duke like this.”

Duo groaned and made Duke’s ‘Frustrated Face’. “Look, it’s like… like a code, alright? I have a code! I try not to do things if I think there’s a tangible possibility of maiming. I already told you, we don’t focus a lot on religion here and I’ve never had personal experience with a god, but we’ve all seen things down the line. From what we’ve gleaned though, gods are a temperamental bunch, and we know Duke is a _young_ god. Young things have tantrums, Audrey! I know my strengths, but some things I like to leave untested. Plus, you’re missing a vital fact- if Duke finds out how badly shit is falling apart and realizes this fucker hurt Mara… there wouldn’t be time or need for any kind of meeting, because I’m pretty sure we’d have corpses on the floor before we could even get back in our bodies, you know? If we want even a chance at minimal bloodshed, it’s gotta be you.”

“I get it, point taken… though I’m not totally sure I’m not going to pull a Duke myself here. Do you know how involved Charlotte was?”

Duo wrinkled his nose. “Bad, but like… level that _Mara_ would probably forgive bad? She believed in what she was doing, she was getting the files from Mara’s dad. She was an idiot but not evil- at least when she started. It’s the actions since that are harder to excuse. The lies, mostly. She’s tried covering her ass since she found out and she’s trying to protect that asshole Cross even now. I can’t read her well, but I’m not a fan. Scared of him or not, she had the chance to come to any of us for help when he was off-world.”

Audrey looked closely at Charlotte, then back to Duo. “Get me to Mara. I’ll do what I can.”

“You truly are exceptional, Audrey Parker. You were _never_ her punishment. You were her savior.” He wrapped Audrey in a hug and everything seemed to move very quickly. She was cold for a moment, then she was just color again, and she flew sideways, carried by Duo to a blaze of crimson that lurched madly, its previous trail so thin and faint Audrey could see how she’d missed it the first time, and so crooked it looked more like an EKG than a line.

Up close, Audrey could make out Mara, pacing crazily through a veil of red, and she made herself a form again before turning to Duo. “I’ll help her. And you know, if there really is a god? It’ll be taken from our hands and those fuckers will fry. One good lightning bolt. End this travesty for good so we can live our lives.” 

Duo breathed a laugh and squeezed Audrey’s shoulder. “I’m breaking a rule here, but she thinks you’re hot when you’re angry.”

Audrey grinned. “Duo Crocker Wuornos, you renegade.”

“Yeah, well, I come from good stock. I’m gonna go talk to the others and see if there’s something we can do.”

“Wait, what others? You mean all the other Aether everywhere?”

“Uh, I appreciate the vote of confidence and can always use a good ego stroke, but no. I’m not that important. Well, no more or less than anyone else. I mean the others in the family. Priya, Alec, Ren, Lizzy- if she can even hear us. This may not be something we want to go beyond the family if we can help it, you know?”

“Great, even Aether is afraid of something,” Audrey groaned. “What is it, like Alien or Predator or the Langoliers?”

Duo chuckled. “Laugh it up, but there are a few universal constants. ‘Everything can get eaten’ being one of them. We’re… all of us, as a family… we’re unusual. We’ve got a lot of unique types of people merged here. A lot of different powers. We’ve gone to great lengths to keep Haven under the radar, and even more to keep Mara- and you- safe. You two are… you’re so far beyond unique I can’t even express. You’re a physical impossibility and a spiritual miracle… for lack of a better word. There are going to be other people like William or Cross who want to harness that kind of power. You don’t want to draw any more attention from outside our circle.”

“William being dead isn’t the end? Or dealing with her parents?”

Audrey looked forlorn, but Duo grinned and kissed her cheek. “Come on, Princess, didn’t anyone ever tell you? Death is not the end.”

“Wait, wha-“, but Duo was already gone, his shining bronze trail blazing away, and Audrey was overcome by the sheer beauty and couldn’t look away for a moment.

Suddenly Audrey understood; Ren, Duke, Nathan… everyone in their family was special and in need of protection.

Including _Duo_. Just because he was made of Aether, it didn’t mean he was safe from everything.

She shivered, then steeled her resolve and turned into the crimson tornado Mara had created.

 


End file.
